Fantasy Island (1977–1984): Season 2, Episode 3 - The Beachcomber/The Last Whodunnit - full transcript

THE PLANE! THE PLANE!

GOOD MORNING, BOSS.

GOOD MORNING, MY FRIEND.
AND WHAT HAVE YOU THERE?

DO YOU REMEMBER HOW
YOU USED TO TELL ME

THAT I WAS GETTING TOO
INVOLVED WITH MONEY,

AND THAT I SHOULD GET
INTO FINER THINGS LIKE ART?

THAT WAS MY ADVICE, YES.

AND YOU ARE ACTUALLY TAKING IT?

OH, BOSS, I ALWAYS
LISTEN TO YOUR ADVICE.

WELL... WELL.

AND UH, WHICH OF THE
ARTS ARE YOU GETTING INTO?



I'M GETTING INTO MUSIC.

MUSIC... AH.

I'M GOING TO BE
STUDYING THE TRUMPET.

THE TRUMPET?

WHAT AN INTERESTING CHOICE.

I'M GOING TO BE PRACTICING
THREE TIMES A DAY

UNTIL I GET BETTER
THAN LOUIS ARMSTRONG.

AND YOU'RE GOING TO
HEAR THE DIFFERENCE.

OH, YES, YES. I'M SURE I WILL.

I'M SURE I WILL.

SMILES, EVERYONE. SMILES.

AH, MR. CHARLES PRESTON
OF DETROIT, MICHIGAN.

HE LOOKS VERY NERVOUS.

OH, REALLY?



WELL, HE WASN'T TOO NERVOUS

TO SEND US HIS CERTIFIED
CHECK FOR $10,000.

OH, I LOVE NERVOUS PEOPLE.
THEY HAVE A LOT OF ENERGY.

YES.

WHAT'S HIS FANTASY?

ONE SHARED BY MILLIONS
OF PUT UPON, FED UP MALES

THE WORLD OVER, TATTOO.

HE'S TIRED OF A
FAMILY AND BUSINESS

THAT MAKES ENDLESS
DEMANDS ON HIM,

SO HE'S ADEQUATELY PROVIDED
FOR HIS WIFE AND CHILDREN,

AND NOW WANTS TO LIVE A
SIMPLE CAREFREE EXISTENCE.

NO PAST, NO FUTURE,
NO MONEY WORRIES

BECAUSE HE WANTS NO MONEY,
NOT EVEN ONE CREDIT CARD.

IN OTHER WORDS,
MR. PRESTON'S FANTASY

IS TO BE A HAPPY,
CAREFREE BEACHCOMBER.

BEACHCOMBER? HE WANTS
TO LIVE LIKE PAUL GAUGUIN.

PERHAPS.

AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT HE HOPES.

MRS. MABEL JARVIS.

SHE LOOKS LIKE
SOMEONE'S GRANDMA.

TO BE MORE PRECISE,

SHE IS GRANDMOTHER
TO FIVE SOMEONES.

ALL OF WHOM LOVE HER VERY MUCH.

WHAT'S HER FANTASY?

TO PLAY HER FAVORITE
CHARACTER IN FICTION.

YOU SEE, MRS. JARVIS IS
AN AVID MYSTERY READER,

AND HER FAVORITE
AUTHOR IS DAPHNE WALLACE.

OH, SHE'S GOING TO
PLAY AUNT DAPHNE.

YES.

I READ ALL OF HER MYSTERY BOOK.

THEY ARE VERY
EXCITING AND VERY SCARY.

SCARY INDEED.

AND THE QUESTION MRS.
JARVIS MAY HAVE TO UNRAVEL IS

WHERE THE FICTIONAL TERROR ENDS

AND REAL TERROR BEGINS.

MY DEAR GUESTS, I AM
MR. ROARKE, YOUR HOST.

WELCOME TO FANTASY ISLAND.

THERE YOU ARE. THIS
WAY, MR. PRESTON.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

IT'S WHAT I'VE
ALWAYS DREAMED OF.

YES, IT IS LOVELY, ISN'T IT?

THE SAND AND SEA ARE WARM,
THE CLIMATE BENEVOLENT,

THE NATIVES FRIENDLY,
SOMETIMES A LITTLE TOO FRIENDLY.

[LAUGHING]

AH, THAT HUT IS YOURS.

THE FURNISHINGS ARE SPARTAN,

BUT THE FREE SOULS OF THE BEACH

PLACE LITTLE EMPHASIS
ON MATERIAL POSSESSIONS.

THAT'S THE WAY I WANT IT.

WE'LL BE BACK MONDAY MORNING.

IN CASE YOU WISH TO
CHANGE YOUR MIND.

YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME.

I'M GOING TO STAY HERE FOREVER.

I SEE.

MR. PRESTON, YOU
DO REALIZE, DON'T YOU,

THAT SOME UNSYMPATHETIC SOULS

DO NOT VIEW BEACHCOMBERS
AS POETS IN DISGUISE,

BUT RATHER AS BUMS
TO BE VICTIMIZED.

DON'T WORRY, I'M
LONG PAST CARING

WHAT PEOPLE LIKE OR DON'T LIKE.

WELL, IN THAT CASE, WE BID
YOU GOOD LUCK AND GOODBYE.

COME, TATTOO.

[SIGHS]

I'M FREE! [LAUGHING]

I'M FREE! I'M FREE!

WE ARE SO EXCITED, MR. ROARKE.

YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE READ

EVERY ONE OF AUNT
DAPHNE'S MURDER MYSTERIES

AT LEAST FIVE TIMES.

REALLY?

SO TELL ME WHICH ONE
ARE WE GOING TO ACT OUT?

IS IT GOING TO BE THE
CHECKER BOARD MURDERS,

OR THE COCONUT PLANTATION CAPER?

WON'T YOU PLEASE SIT DOWN.

YES, WE'D BE
DELIGHTED, WOULDN'T WE.

AH, MRS. JARVIS, DAPHNE WALLACE,

MORE AFFECTIONATELY KNOWN
TO HER READERS AS AUNT DAPHNE,

WAS A VERY DEAR AND
PERSONAL FRIEND OF MINE.

DID YOU KNOW SHE HAD A HOME
CALLED MOCKINGBIRD MANOR

HERE ON FANTASY ISLAND?

OF COURSE.

AND WE'RE LOOKING
FORWARD TO VISITING IT

AFTER OUR ADVENTURE.

I SEE.

AFTER DAPHNE'S DEATH LAST YEAR,

I FOUND THIS MANUSCRIPT
IN HER LIBRARY.

BARELY HALF FINISHED.

THE VERY LAST AUNT
DAPHNE WHODUNIT.

EXCEPTING MYSELF,

YOU COULD BE THE FIRST
WHO HAS EVER READ IT.

OH, MY...

[CLEARS THROAT]

AH, MORE PRECISELY,

YOU WOULD BE THE
THIRD PERSON TO READ IT.

FOR HER OWN
PURPOSES, SHE TITLED IT

"THE MYSTERY OF
MOCKINGBIRD MANOR."

THIS COULD BE YOUR PROJECT.

YOU WILL BE TAKEN TO HER HOME

AND GREETED THERE AS
THE FICTIONAL AUNT DAPHNE

BY THE OTHER CHARACTERS
IN THE MANUSCRIPT.

THEY WILL HELP YOU
PLAY OUT THE SCENES.

OH, HOW FASCINATING.

BUT WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN WE GET TO THE END?

WELL, PERHAPS AS A DEVOTED FAN,

YOU WILL HAVE DEDUCED THE
ENDING DAPHNE WOULD HAVE LIKED.

IN OTHER WORDS... WHODUNIT.

I DON'T KNOW, MR. ROARKE.

WE DIDN'T PLAN ON
ANYTHING AS UNUSUAL AS THIS.

I UNDERSTAND.

NO. I WILL DO IT.

I, I JUST HOPE THAT
WE CAN PULL IT OFF.

SO DO I, MRS. JARVIS.

[MRS. JARVIS] IT WAS A
PLEASANT CHEERFUL DAY

AS WE TURNED INTO THE
DRIVE OF MOCKINGBIRD MANOR.

LITTLE COULD ANYONE SUSPECT

THE TENSE, TERROR FILLED MOMENTS

THAT WERE SOON TO COME.

OH, THE GREAT DANE
BOUNDED TOWARD THEM.

NOW, NOW DON'T STOOP
TO HIS LEVEL, HERCUL.

AND THEN, THEN
THE BUTLER CALLED.

DOWN, MANDRAKE, DOWN!

[DOG WHINING]

I HOPE HE DIDN'T STARTLE
YOU, AUNT DAPHNE.

NO. YOU MUST BE
HELMSLEY THE BUTLER.

YES, MADAM. WE'VE
BEEN EXPECTING YOU.

[THUNDER]

OH, MY... OH, LOOK.

AND THERE'S AUNT DAPHNE
WHEN SHE WAS YOUNG.

NO, NO, KITTY, DON'T BE
NERVOUS. IT'S ALL RIGHT.

AND THERE'S THAT
THING RIGHT HERE.

IT WAS BLACK, UGLY AS SIN,

A FIERCE BEAK AND
BEADY BUTTON EYES.

YECH, HOW UGLY. JUST AS IT SAID.

[THUNDER]

I'LL HAVE YOUR THINGS TAKEN
UP TO YOUR ROOM, MADAM.

TEA WILL BE READY SHORTLY.

OH, WONDERFUL.

AND THE OTHERS WILL
BE SLIGHTLY LATE, MADAM.

THE OTHERS?

COUSIN TERENCE AND CHARLOTTE.

CHARLOTTE?

YOUR LATE BROTHER'S WIFE.

OH, YES, OF COURSE.
THEY'RE IN CHAPTER TWO.

I BEG YOUR PARDON.

MMM, NOTHING... NOTHING.

VERY GOOD, MADAM.

WE MUST BE CAREFUL.

OH, HERCUL, IT'S
ALL SO SPLENDID.

AND OF COURSE HER DESK

WHERE SHE WROTE ALL
THOSE WONDERFUL BOOKS.

COME SEE, COME SEE.

COME AND SEE ALL
THE THINGS, LOOK.

ALL OF THE LETTERS.

WHAT IN THE WORLD?
THREE ACES OF SPADES?

WHY WOULD ANYBODY WANT
THREE ACES OF SPADES?

THAT MUST BE A CLUE.

BUT TO WHAT CRIME?

[THUNDER]

[TRUMPET PLAYING]

[PARROT SQUAWKING]

I KNOW, CHESTER. I KNOW, I KNOW.

BUT HE'S TRYING SO HARD
TO DEVELOP HIS TALENT.

I MEAN, WHAT CAN WE
DO BUT... ENCOURAGE HIM?

[TRUMPET PLAYING]

MM-HMM. LESSON NUMBER FOUR.

TATTOO. TATTOO!!

YES, BOSS.

UH, TATTOO, WHERE DID ALL
THESE INSTRUMENTS COME FROM?

OH, DON'T WORRY, BOSS.
THIS IS FOR MY NEW BAND.

NOW YOU'RE FORMING A BAND?

A MARCHING BAND.

WE ARE GOING TO BE A SENSATION.

I'M GOING TO BE THE BAND LEADER.

OH, MARVELOUS.

NOW I'M GOING TO
PRACTICE TWICE AS HARD.

[HAWAIIAN MUSIC PLAYING]

I'M ULLA.

I'M CHARLIE, CHARLIE PRESTON.

HELLO, CHARLIE.

BOY, THAT ROARKE
PROVIDES EVERYTHING.

WHAT'S A ROARKE?

HE DIDN'T SEND YOU?

YOU CRAZY BEACHCOMBER.

YOU TALK FUNNY.

ARE YOU MARRIED, CHARLIE?

[SIGHS] WELL,
PROBABLY NOT BY NOW.

I IMAGINE MY WIFE'S
ALREADY FILED FOR DIVORCE.

YOU NEED SOMEONE THAT
WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU.

CHARLIE LIKE THE FISH?

THE BEST I EVER TASTED.

DO YOU LIKE ME, CHARLIE?

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

DO YOU WANT TO
PLAY THE LOVE GAME?

THE LOVE GAME?

HOW DO YOU PLAY THE LOVE GAME?

WELL, I RUN, AND YOU
TRY AND CATCH ME.

AND IF YOU CATCH
ME, YOU WIN THE GAME.

AND ALSO A VERY SPECIAL PRIZE.

I'M PROBABLY DIVORCED
BY NOW, BUT AS I SAID BUT...

HEY, WHAT AM I HESITATING FOR?

I'M A BEACHCOMBER.

AND THE LUCKY BUMS
DO THINGS LIKE THIS.

ULLA, ULLA WHERE ARE YOU?

OVER HERE, CHARLIE.

CAUGHT YA!

WHO ARE YOU?

TUPA, HAVE YOU BEEN
PLAYING THE LOVE GAME?

WHO ARE YOU?

YOU, SIR HAVE
DISHONORED MY DAUGHTER.

WHAT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.

I NEVER SAW HER
BEFORE IN MY LIFE.

SWEETHEART, DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

I'M TUPA.

I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE.
I NEVER SAW YOU BEFORE.

HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?
YOU'RE MY SNUGUM BUGUM.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE,
WAIT A MINUTE.

ACCORDING TO OUR CUSTOMS,
YOU HAVE BUT ONE CHOICE.

MARRIAGE OR HER BROTHERS.

HER BROTHERS?

CONGRATULATIONS, MY SON.

GLAD YOU SEE IT MY WAY.

TUPA WILL MAKE
YOU A DEVOTED WIFE.

RIGHT... RIGHT.

LET HIM GO, BOYS.

OUR GROOM IS A BIT HESITANT.

BUT WHERE CAN HE
GO ON THIS ISLAND?

PREPARE THE WEDDING.

COME. WE GET THE PREACHER.

THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY.

[HORN HONKS]

[DOG BARKING]

OH, SHUT UP, MANDRAKE.

WILL YOU NEVER LEARN
TO RECOGNIZE US?

DOWN, MANDRAKE, DOWN! GO!

MISS DAPHNE IS TAKING TEA
BEFORE THE FIRE, MISS CHARLOTTE.

HELLO, AUNT DAPHNE.

TERENCE.

HELLO, CHARLOTTE.

WELL, I DO HOPE THERE'S
SOME OF THAT TEA LEFT.

OH, THERE IS.

A DOUBLE BRANDY FOR
ME PLEASE, HELMSLEY.

OF COURSE, SIR.

SHALL I BE MUM?

WHY DID YOU COME?

MISS CHARLOTTE, PLEASE!

THAT'S OUR CHARLOTTE. JUST
BLURT EVERYTHING RIGHT OUT.

SUGAR?

WHY, THANK YOU.

WELL, HERE WE ALL ARE.

BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.

ALL OF US. JUST AS
WE PLANNED LAST YEAR.

ALL OF US.

PLUS ONE.

[LAUGHS]

LET ME HAVE A DRINK PLEASE.

RUM, BOURBON. ANYTHING.

YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE
WHAT HAPPENED.

THAT WILL BE A BUCK.

OH, SURE.

IT'S KIND OF FUNNY,

BUT I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'D
TAKE A COUNTER CHECK?

WHY DO YOU GEEKS
MAKE ME DO THIS?

YOU THINK I LIKE TO HURT PEOPLE?

NO HARD FEELINGS, TURKEY,

BUT I GOTTA TEACH YOU A LESSON.

GOOD LORD, MAN. IT
WAS ONLY ONE DRINK.

IF I LET YOU BEAT
ME OUT OF ONE NOW,

NEXT TIME IT WILL BE TWO.

PRETTY SOON MY STOCK WILL BE
GOING INTO THE BOTTOMLESS PIT.

I'M SORRY.

NOT AS SORRY AS
YOU'RE GOING TO BE.

HEY.

DRINK'S ON ME, BUDDY.

WELL, THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.

HEY, YOU OK, FELLA?

UH, NO, NO, NOT REALLY.

BUT THERE'S ONE GOOD THING
ABOUT THE BEACHCOMBING BUSINESS.

IF THE BEACH THAT YOU'RE
ON ISN'T WORKING OUT,

YOU CAN ALWAYS MOVE
TO ANOTHER BEACH.

OH.

DO YOU KNOW OF
ANOTHER GOOD BEACH?

WELL, I TELL YOU THAT'S
NOT SUCH A GOOD IDEA

BECAUSE YOU SEE,
YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.

WHAT? WHAT?

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

YOUR WIFE HAS
OFFERED A $5,000 REWARD

FOR YOUR SAFE RETURN. IF
YOU JUST LOOK RIGHT THERE.

WHAT?

YOU GET THE PICTURE?

NOW YOU GET GOING QUIETLY,

OR I'LL FIND SOME HARD TIME
FOR YOU TO DO RIGHT HERE

BEFORE YOU DO.

AND TRUST ME PAL,

THAT SLAMMER IN
WAHELI IS A KILLER.

HEY, THEY GOT RATS THERE
BIGGER THAN KANGAROOS.

YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND.

THE AUTHORITIES WILL KNOW
THIS WHOLE THING IS PHONY

WHEN I TELL THEM WHO I AM.

WHO YOU ARE? [LAUGHTER]

HEY, YOU'RE A DRIFTER.

YOU GOT NOT ID.
YOU'RE JUST A BUM.

YOU GOT NO PAST,
YOU GOT NO FUTURE.

NOW LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU
LET ME SEND YOU BACK HOME

WHERE YOU PROBABLY BELONG.

NO, NO, YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO SEND ME BACK TO THAT LIFE.

I GAVE THEM EVERYTHING I HAD.
WHAT MORE DO THEY WANT FROM ME?

HEY, PAL, THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.

LOOK I JUST DELIVER YOU,
THEN I COLLECT, THAT'S ALL.

AND THAT'S HOW IT'S GOING TO BE.

UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU
WANT TO PLAY IT ANOTHER WAY.

YOU KNOW, THE EASY WAY.

THE EASY WAY?

YEAH, GUYS WHO DROP OUT LIKE YOU

USUALLY CARRY A LITTLE
STASH OF DOUGH SECRETLY.

KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

WELL, FOR 7,500 BUCKS, I
COULD FORGET I EVER SAW YOU.

YOU'RE PRETTY SMART, AREN'T YOU?

YEAH, I DIDN'T GET
TO BE THE MAN I AM

ACTING DUMB, YOU KNOW.

I CAN SEE THAT.

WELL, ALL MY MONEY'S
LOCKED UP IN A SAFE

AT THE MUTANGA SHIPPING COMPANY.

OH, WELL, THEN WE'LL
WAIT TILL MORNING

WHEN IT OPENS UP, RIGHT?

OH... YEAH. YEAH, RIGHT.

HEY, LOOK, DON'T TRY RUNNING
OUT ON ME BEFORE THEN

BECAUSE IF YOU DO...

[THUNDER]

[KNOCK ON WINDOW]

MRS. JARVIS. MABEL JARVIS.

COME HERE, PLEASE!

OH, MY GOODNESS.

COME IN.

OH, PLEASE. I MUST
TALK TO YOU ALONE.

WELL, WHO ARE YOU?

OH, OH, I'M EVELYN.

I'M AUNT DAPHNE'S NIECE.

HOW DO YOU DO?

MRS. JARVIS, YOU MUST
GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW.

YOU'RE NOT IN THE MANUSCRIPT.

MANUSCRIPT? WHAT
MANUSCRIPT, MRS. JARVIS?

AND YOU'RE CALLING
ME BY MY REAL NAME.

YES, WELL, SHOULDN'T I?

LOOK I'VE COME TO WARN YOU.

YOU'RE IN TERRIBLE
DANGER, MRS. JARVIS.

DREADFUL, DEADLY DANGER.

FROM WHOM?

FROM THOSE PEOPLE IN THERE.

YOU SEE, I WAS HERE
THE NIGHT OF THE MURDER.

WHAT MURDER?

MY AUNT, DAPHNE WALLACE.

SHE DIDN'T DIE NATURALLY?

DAPHNE WALLACE WAS MURDERED?

BY ONE OF THE
PEOPLE IN THIS HOUSE.

THEY'RE NOT CHARACTERS IN
A MANUSCRIPT, THEY'RE REAL.

OH, DON'T YOU SEE,

ALL OF THEM WERE
HEIRS TO HER FORTUNE.

THEN SHE CALLED
THESE THREE TOGETHER

TO ANNOUNCE A NEW WILL.
THAT NIGHT SHE WAS KILLED.

AND NOW THEY'RE AFRAID

THAT YOU'VE COME HERE
TO SOLVE THE MURDER.

AND MRS. JARVIS, IF
YOU DO, THEY MIGHT...

OH, BUT THAT DEAR MR. ROARKE

WOULD NEVER PUT ME INTO
ANY REAL DANGER, WOULD HE?

HE WOULD.

IF HE THOUGHT YOU
COULD SOLVE THE MURDER

OF HIS FRIEND, DAPHNE WALLACE.

AH, THERE YOU ARE.

AND YOU'RE HERE.
DEAR COUSIN EVELYN.

WHAT A SURPRISE.

COME ALONG, MY DEAR.
WE'RE ABOUT TO DINE.

CHARLOTTE WILL BE
SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU.

I DO HOPE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN
BOTHERING AUNT DAPHNE HERE

WITH A LOT OF SILLY STORIES.

MR. ROARKE.

AH, THERE YOU ARE, MRS. JARVIS.

YOU TOLD ME THAT THE
MURDER AT MOCKINGBIRD MANOR

WAS A WORK OF FICTION.

OH, I THINK I JUST SAID IT WAS
AN UNFINISHED MANUSCRIPT,

DIDN'T I, TATTOO?

THAT'S RIGHT, BOSS.

BUT IT'S AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL,
I MEAN, IT'S REAL.

THOSE PEOPLE IN THERE ARE
REALLY DAPHNE WALLACE'S RELATIVES.

YES, I'M AFRAID THEY ARE.

AND THE REASON THAT THE
BOOK WAS NEVER FINISHED

WAS BECAUSE DAPHNE WAS MURDERED.

NOT THE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS
MRS. WALLACE WAS WRITING ABOUT,

BUT MRS. WALLACE HERSELF.

WELL, ONE THING I
CERTAINLY DON'T UNDERSTAND

IS WHY, IF ONE OF THOSE
PEOPLE IN THERE IS GUILTY,

THAT ALL OF THEM CAME
BACK TO THE ISLAND.

TO PLAY OUR LITTLE GAME.

YES.

IF ONE HAD REFUSED

WOULD IT NOT HAVE MADE
HIM APPEAR VERY SUSPICIOUS?

YOU SEE, I HAD HOPED

WE COULD HELP EACH
OTHER, MRS. JARVIS.

I, BY PROVIDING YOUR FANTASY.

YOU BY HELPING ME FLUSH
OUT MRS. WALLACE'S KILLER.

IT DIDN'T WORK OUT,
AND FROM HERE ON,

IT'S NO GAME.

IT MAY WELL BE DEADLY.

AND THERE IS NOTHING I
CAN DO TO PROTECT YOU.

PLEASE GET IN THE CAR.

BUT IF I GO NOW

THEN THE MURDERER
WILL GET AWAY FREE.

I'M AFRAID SO.

OH, NO. I CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN.

I OWE THAT GREAT
LADY MORE THAN THAT.

YOU REALIZE YOU MAY
BE PLACING YOURSELF

IN A GREAT DEAL OF
DANGER, MRS. JARVIS.

I DO.

VERY WELL THEN.

MRS. JARVIS, YOU ARE
A VERY BRAVE WOMAN.

I HOPE YOUR DECISION
PROVES TO BE...

A WISE ONE.

[ENGINE STARTS]

I HOPE SO, TOO.

OH, AUNT DAPHNE, DID
I DO THE RIGHT THING?

OH, WHAT A HAPPY OCCASION!

TUPA, THE GROOM IS HERE.

LET THE CEREMONY BEGIN.

LOOK, YOU'RE
MAKING A BIG MISTAKE.

NO MISTAKE. TUPA MAKE
YOU A LOVEABLE WIFE.

HOLD IT THERE, HOLD
IT. BREAK IT UP, GONO.

THIS MAN IS WANTED
BY THE POLICE.

HE'S A VAGRANT.

BAPU.

ULLA.

OK, YOU FLAKE.

SHIPPING COMPANY SAYS YOU
DON'T HAVE A DIME ON DEPOSIT.

LOOK, I'M ALREADY MARRIED. SO
I COULDN'T MARRY HER ANYWAY.

YOU DIDN'T ACT MARRIED

WHEN YOU WERE CHASING
ULLA INTO THE CAVE.

TAKE ME AWAY.

BAPU. BAPU!

COME ON. COME ON.

BORE.

THANK YOU.

LOOK AT THEM OUT THERE.

AND TO THINK THAT ONE
OF THEM MURDERED DAPHNE.

EVELYN, YOU MUST HAVE
KNOWN DAPHNE WALLACE

BETTER THAN ANYONE.

DID SHE EVER EXPRESS
AN INTEREST TO YOU

IN FLYING KITES?

FLYING KITES?

MRS. JARVIS, SHE WAS AN
EXTREMELY DIGNIFIED LADY.

WELL, THEN WHY WOULD SHE WRITE
THE SECRET LIES BEHIND THE KITE?

STRANGE.

THE ONLY FLYING THAT
SHE WAS INTERESTED IN

WAS DONE BY BIRDS.

BIRDS?

SHE LOVED BIRDS.
ALL KINDS OF BIRDS.

YOU CAN SEE BY
LOOKING AT THE HOUSE.

EVELYN, I THINK WE'VE GOT IT.

WE HAVE?

A KITE.

YOU REMEMBER THAT
PHRASE FROM SHAKESPEARE?

"IN THE MOORS OF KITES."

A KITE IS A BIG UGLY BIRD.

THAT MUST BE WHAT
THAT HIDEOUS THING IS.

THEN IF THE SECRET
IS BEHIND THE KITE...

SECRET DOOR.

LOOK AT THIS.

SEE, IT'S ANOTHER
BIRD SANCTUARY.

MY GOODNESS.

UH-UH. NO, THAT'S NOT FOR YOU.

EVELYN.

I THINK I FOUND THE ANSWER.

DID DAPHNE WRITE THAT?

YES, I'M SURE THAT'S
HER HANDWRITING.

WHAT IS IT?

WELL, IT'S A HOLOGRAPHIC WILL.

IT SPECIFICALLY DISINHERITS
TERENCE, CHARLOTTE AND HELMSLEY.

THEY WERE TRYING TO DEFRAUD
HER, AND SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT IT.

THEN WHO DOES GET THE MONEY?

THE FIRST HALF GOES TO

THE SEABIRDS
ORNITHOLOGICAL FOUNDATION.

AND THE SECOND HALF GOES TO YOU.

THERE'S THE MOTIVE
FOR THE MURDER.

WHEN THE THREE OF THEM
LEARNED OF THE NEW WILL,

ONE OF THEM DECIDED
TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

AND THAT ONE KILLED HER.

[DOOR OPENS]

I THINK WE'D BETTER
GET OUT OF HERE.

CAN I BRING YOU ANYTHING, MADAM?

OH, NO, THANK YOU, HELMSLEY.

WE'RE FINE. JUST FINE.

VERY GOOD, MADAM.

HOW I HATE THAT WOMAN

FOR PUTTING US THROUGH
THIS TERRIBLE WEEKEND.

AND I DON'T THINK HELMSLEY
DESERVED THE HOUSE.

AFTER ALL, HE'S ONLY A SERVANT.

DON'T BE GREEDY, DARLING.

DAPHNE'S OLD WILL
MADE US ALL RICH ANYWAY.

AH, YOU WERE SAYING...

THAT'S STRANGE.

HOW COULD THIS
BECOME TILTED LIKE THAT?

AH!

WHAT IS IT?

SOME KIND OF SECRET ROOM.

THAT WOMAN MUST
HAVE BEEN IN HERE.

YOU DON'T SUPPOSE SHE FOUND
DAPHNE'S NEW WILL IN HERE?

YOU CAN COUNT ON IT.

I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS
SECRET ROOM FOR YEARS.

OH, HOW I WISH DAPHNE
WERE ALIVE TO FIGURE THIS OUT.

MAYBE IN ONE OF HER BOOKS.

ALL THREE HAD EQUAL MOTIVES.

WAIT A MINUTE!

THERE WAS A
SITUATION JUST LIKE THIS

IN THE CASE OF THE
CORPULENT CORPSE.

IN THE BOOK, I THINK
THEY ALL DREW CARDS

AND WHOEVER DREW
THE ACE OF SPADES

WOULD BE THE MURDERER.

BUT ONLY THAT ONE WOULD KNOW.

NATURALLY THEY ASKED
HELMSLEY THE BUTLER

TO PROVIDE THE CARDS,
AND HE FIXED THE CARDS,

IN THE BOOK, SO THAT
THEY WERE ALL ACES.

THAT'S IT! THEY'RE
ALL GOING TO KILL ME!!

BUT ANOTHER MURDER?

WE'VE NO CHOICE.

JUST LIKE THE LAST TIME.

THE ONE WHO DREW
THE ACE OF SPADES

WILL BE THE MURDERER.

GET ON WITH IT, HELMSLEY.

I'M SORRY, SIR.

LADIES FIRST.

ULLA.

THE MOON WILL BE
FULL TONIGHT, BAPU.

I HAD A VISION, OUR
ISLAND GODDESS,

SHE WAS DANCING
IN ONE OF THE STARS.

WHEN THE VISION
PASSED, I SAW YOU FIRST.

THEN YOU MUST OBEY
THE ISLAND CUSTOM.

THE LOVE GAMES.

YES.

WE DON'T HAVE TOO
MUCH TIME TO BARGAIN.

PROMISE TO MARRY TUPA,
AND I'LL SET YOU FREE.

YOU NEVER GIVE UP, DO YOU?

YES OR NO?

ALL RIGHT, YOU WIN.

OH, NO, WAIT! YOU PROMISED!

NOW I WANT MY SPECIAL PRIZE.

HALT! HALT! THIS IS THE POLICE!

HEY, HEY, HEY
STOP! HALT! POLICE!

HEY, HOLD IT, HALT!

MR. PRESTON, YOU'RE
JUST IN TIME TO JOIN US.

I CAN'T. COPS CHASING ME.

NOT ANYMORE.

YOUR FANTASY IS
OVER, MR. PRESTON.

WHAT ABOUT BAPU?

WELL, I'M AFRAID THE OFFICER
WHO WAS CHASING YOU

HAS OTHER BUSINESS TO
ATTEND TO AT THE MOMENT.

WITH ULLA, OOH LA LA.

[LAUGHING] YES.

EVEN SO, IT LOOKS
LIKE I'M OUT OF LUCK

AND OUT OF OPTIONS.

I HAVEN'T HAD MUCH FUN HERE.

IN FACT, IT'S BEEN A DISASTER.

YES, WELL, I SUPPOSE YOU COULD
ALWAYS GO BACK TO YOUR FAMILY,

COULDN'T YOU?

I THOUGHT ABOUT
THAT WHILE I WAS IN JAIL.

OH, WHAT A SHAMBLES
I'VE MADE OF MY LIFE.

I'D GO BACK IN A MINUTE
IF THEY'D TAKE ME.

WELL, THEY DID PUT OUT A REWARD
FLYER FOR YOUR SAFE RETURN.

DO YOU THINK THEY'D FORGIVE
ME? IS THERE A CHANCE?

NANCY?

CHARLIE.

I KNOW WHY YOU
RAN AWAY, CHARLIE.

AND I'M SORRY.

I GUESS IT'S BEEN PRETTY
GREAT FOR YOU HERE, HUH?

TROPICAL PARADISE.

NONE OF THE HOME PROBLEMS
WE'VE BEEN STICKING YOU WITH.

NOBODY ON YOUR
BACK ALL THE TIME.

YEAH, IT'S BEEN PRETTY TERRIFIC.

THEN I GUESS YOU DON'T WANT
TO HEAR WHAT I HAVE TO SAY.

WHAT?

THAT WE LOVE YOU.

AND THAT WE LEARNED OUR LESSON.

AND WE WANT YOU TO COME HOME.

WE'RE NOT GOING TO TAKE YOU
FOR GRANTED ANYMORE, CHARLIE.

I SEE.

GEE, IT WOULD BE TOUGH
TO GIVE ALL THIS UP.

OH, THAT'S OK.

I ONLY ASK THAT YOU
LET ME STAY WITH YOU

UNTIL YOU DECIDE
WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

UM, JUST A MOMENT.

BE CAREFUL.

I WILL.

OH, COME IN, HELMSLEY.

I THOUGHT PERHAPS YOU
MIGHT LIKE A CUP OF TEA, MADAM.

THANK YOU, HELMSLEY.

HOW VERY THOUGHTFUL OF YOU.

NOT AT ALL, MADAM. NOT AT ALL.

OH, ALLOW ME, MADAM.

I'M SO CLUMSY.

ALL CLEAR, CHUMS.

WELL, AND WHICH ONE OF
US DO YOU SUPPOSE DID IT?

[DOOR OPENS]

YOU'VE KILLED HER.

JUST AS YOU
MURDERED AUNT DAPHNE!

WE'LL DECIDE HOW
TO GET RID OF HER

ON THE WAY TO THE AIRPORT.

HURRY AND PACK THE BAGS.

BRING THE CAR.

GET THE CAR YOURSELF.
I'M NO LONGER A SERVANT.

I SAID BRING THE CAR.

WE HAVE TO DECIDE
WHAT TO DO WITH HER

BEFORE WE GET TO THE AIRPORT.

YOU KNOW WHAT MUST BE DONE.

[DOG BARKING] [CAT MEOWING]

RUN, EVELYN, RUN!

SHE'S GOING INTO THE GARAGE.

[ENGINE STARTS]

JUMP ON!

ARREST THOSE PEOPLE.

ARREST THEM FOR THE
MURDER OF DAPHNE WALLACE.

STARS.

WELL, HOW DID I DO?

I'M SURE AUNT DAPHNE IS VERY
PROUD OF YOU, MRS. JARVIS.

OH, THANK YOU.

GOODBYE, MR. ROARKE,
AND THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.

GOING BACK HOME SO
SOON, MR. PRESTON?

TEMPORARILY.

I HAVE A FEW COMMUNICATION GAPS

TO CLEAR UP AT THE OFFICE, TOO.

MAYBE I SHOULD
APOLOGIZE TO SOME PEOPLE

AND ADMIT I'VE DONE
A FEW THINGS WRONG.

AND VICE VERSA.
BUT WE'LL BE BACK.

GOOD LUCK, MR. PRESTON,
PLEASURE. MRS. PRESTON.

GOODBYE.

GOODBYE.

OH, MR. ROARKE, I MUST SAY

THIS HAS BEEN THE MOST
EXCITING EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE.

OH, I AM SO GLAD.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT WAS YOUR
MOST BRILLIANT DEDUCTION?

REALIZING THAT
HELMSLEY ENGINEERED IT

SO ALL THREE
COMMITTED THE MURDER.

THANK YOU.

WELL, OF COURSE IT WAS
MOST GRATIFYING TO ME

TO BE ABLE TO... TO
REPAY DAPHNE WALLACE

FOR ALL THE YEARS OF PLEASURE
HER BOOKS HAVE GIVEN ME.

AND OF COURSE SHE
SAVED EVELYN'S LIFE.

OH, HOW'S THAT?

IF I HADN'T THOUGHT OF THAT
TRICK FROM HARLEQUIN HOMICIDE,

THEY WOULD HAVE
KILLED EVELYN, TOO.

OH, THEY WOULD HAVE INDEED.

BUT ONE THING
PUZZLES ME, MRS. JARVIS.

WHAT'S THAT?

WELL, I LOOKED AT HARLEQUIN
HOMICIDE THIS MORNING

AND THE TRICK YOU
USED IS NOT IN THE BOOK.

ARE YOU SURE?

POSITIVE.

OH, WELL, I'M SURE DAPHNE
WOULD HAVE DONE IT

IF SHE'D THOUGHT OF IT.

THANK YOU, MR. ROARKE.

YOU'RE MOST
WELCOME, MRS. JARVIS.

THANK YOU.

BYE.

EXCUSE ME, BOSS,
BUT I'VE GOT TO GO.

I'VE GOT TO GO TO MY FIRST
REHEARSAL WITH MY NEW BAND.

OH, OF COURSE, MY FRIEND.

I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

DESPITE ALL OF THE NOISE,

I REALLY ADMIRE YOUR
STICK-TO-ITIVENESS

IN LEARNING TO PLAY THE TRUMPET.

I CAN IMAGINE IT GETS
VERY TEDIOUS AT TIMES, HUH?

WELL, TO TELL YOU
THE TRUTH BOSS,

I WAS READY TO GIVE IT UP
UNTIL I GOT THE IDEA OF THE BAND.

WHY WOULD THAT MAKE
YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND?

I MEAN HAVING TO TAKE
CARE OF A WHOLE BAND

WOULD MEAN ALL THE
MORE WORK, WOULDN'T IT?

THAT'S YOUR BAND, HUH?

WELL, YOU KNOW ME, BOSS.

WORK, WORK, WORK.

GOODBYE, BOSS.

COME ON, GIRLS.