Fantasy Island (1977–1984): Season 2, Episode 23 - Cornelius and Alphonse/The Choice - full transcript

[HONKING]

HURRY, TATTOO, HURRY.

YOU KNOW THIS IS MY
FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK.

I KNOW, BOSS.

IT'S WHEN THE
CHILDREN COME. I LOVE IT.

IT IS THE BEST TIME
ON FANTASY ISLAND.

[CAWING]

OH, IT'S TIME TO GO.

[CHILDREN] HI,
MR. ROARKE. HI, TATTOO.

- HI, CHILDREN.
- GOOD MORNING, JIM.

- GOOD MORNING, CINDY.
- GOOD MORNING, CINDY.



[TATTOO] HURRY, CINDY, WE DON'T
WANT TO BE LATE FOR THE BALLOON.

GOODBYE, CHILDREN.

[CHILDREN] BYE.

[MR. ROARKE] BYE.

SMILES, CHILDREN, SMILE!

YOUR TURN TO GUESS
FIRST THIS WEEK, TATTOO.

[TATTOO] I SAY, SHE LOOK
LIKE A SCHOOLTEACHER,

LIKE THE ONE WHO ALMOST
FAILED ME IN THE FIFTH GRADE.

WELL, THAT'S VERY CLOSE.

MISS RUTH EWELL HAS,
FOR THE PAST 16 YEARS,

OPERATED AN ORPHANAGE
NEAR CLEVELAND, OHIO...

A SMALL ORPHANAGE WHICH
IS NOW BEING PHASED OUT.

THOSE CHILDREN YOU SEE WITH
HER ARE REBECCA AND MARK,

HER LAST TWO CHARGES.



WHAT'S THEIR FANTASY, BOSS?

ONE THEY GOT FROM MISS EWELL'S,
SOMETHING SHE'D DREAMED ABOUT

WHEN SHE WAS A CHILD
AND ALSO IN AN ORPHANAGE.

JUST ONCE, FOR THE CHILDREN

TO BE ABLE TO HELP
SELECT THEIR OWN PARENTS,

AND NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

[TATTOO] CAN WE
REALLY DO THAT, BOSS?

CAN WE GIVE THEM THE
PARENTS THEY WANT?

WITHIN REASON,
TATTOO, WITHIN REASON.

[TATTOO] IT'S YOUR
TURN TO GUESS, CINDY.

TALK ABOUT THE ODD
COUPLE. BAD COMEDY ACT?

[MR. ROARKE] I'M AFRAID
THERE IS NOTHING COMEDIC

ABOUT THOSE TWO, MY FRIENDS.

CORNELIUS KELLY WORKED FOR ME

HERE AT THE HOTEL
ON FANTASY ISLAND

UNTIL I DISCOVERED HE WAS A
PETTY CHISELER AND FIRED HIM.

WHAT ARE THEY DOING
ON FANTASY ISLAND?

WELL, CORNELIUS CLAIMS TO WANT
A QUIET VACATION FOR HIS FRIEND

BUT I KNOW HE HAS RETURNED
TO FULFILL A FANTASY...

TO REVENGE HIMSELF ON ME FOR
HAVING DISCHARGED HIM YEARS AGO.

COULDN'T THAT BE DANGEROUS?

DANGER COMES IN
MANY DISGUISES, CINDY.

MY DEAR GUESTS, I AM
MR. ROARKE, YOUR HOST.

WELCOME TO FANTASY ISLAND.

WELL, CORNELIUS,
HOW DOES IT FEEL

TO BE BACK ON FANTASY ISLAND?

OH, DELIGHTFUL AS
USUAL, MR. ROARKE.

I DO HOPE OUR PAST
DIFFICULTIES CAN BE FORGOTTEN.

I'D LIKE NOTHING BETTER

THAN TO THINK THAT WE
COULD BE FRIENDS AGAIN.

AS YOU KNOW, ONE
OF MY CARDINAL RULES

IS ALWAYS TO TRY TO
FORGIVE AND FORGET.

IF I WERE TO HAVE ANY DOUBTS

AS TO WHICH WAY TO CHOOSE,

YOUR SINCERITY HAS
CERTAINLY CONVINCED ME.

MY TRUSTED ASSISTANT, TATTOO.

OH, YES, I HAVE HEARD

QUITE A LOT ABOUT
YOUR FRIEND TATTOO.

IT'S AN HONOR TO MEET YOU.

CHARMED.

AND THIS IS CINDY, WHO HELPS
ME ON THIS SIDE OF THE ISLAND.

IT'S A PLEASURE TO
MEET YOU, MR. KELLY.

PLEASURE IS ALL MINE, MY CHILD.

IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN DO
FOR YOU OR YOUR FRIEND, PLEASE...

YES, THERE IS, CINDY, THERE
IS SOMETHING YOU CAN DO.

I'VE ALWAYS TOLD ALPHONSE HERE

ABOUT THE BEAUTIFUL
INTERIOR OF THIS ISLAND.

AND I'D LIKE TO TAKE HIM FOR
A LITTLE PICNIC TO SHOW HIM.

BUT I'VE BEEN AWAY SO LONG

AND I KNOW THE ISLAND
HAS CHANGED SO MUCH,

I WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN.

WELL, I'M SURE TATTOO
WILL BE HAPPY TO DIRECT YOU

TO A PLEASANT SPOT,
WON'T YOU, TATTOO?

CINDY AND I HAVE OTHER
GUESTS TO ATTEND TO.

BON APPETIT. CINDY?

WELL, YOU WANNA TAKE
US TO A GOOD PICNIC PLACE

OR ARE WE GONNA STAND
AROUND HERE ALL DAY?

THIS WAY, PLEASE.

COME ON, WHAT'S
TAKING YOU SO LONG?

OH, IT'S JUST THAT
IT'S ALL SO LOVELY.

SEEMS TO BE VERY SECLUDED HERE.

YOU KNOW WHAT, I
HATE TO GO ON A PICNIC

WHERE PEOPLE ARE LIABLE TO COME
TRAMPING THROUGH AT ANY MOMENT.

OH, DON'T WORRY,
NOBODY EVER COME HERE.

THEN THIS WILL DO JUST NICELY.

- ALPHONSE.
- HUBBA-HUBBA!

ALPHONSE, HOLD HIM, HOLD HIM.

[ALPHONSE] I'LL BE
RIGHT WITH YOU, BOSS.

MISS EWELL, CHILDREN,
THIS WILL BE YOUR HOME

DURING YOUR STAY
ON FANTASY ISLAND.

YOU MEAN THEY'RE IN THERE?

THEY?

HE MEANS OUR NEW PARENTS.

OH, MY DEAR CHILDREN.

YOUR FANTASY WAS
FOR YOU TO HAVE A HAND

IN CHOOSING YOUR OWN PARENTS.

BUT I THOUGHT THEY'D
ALREADY DONE THAT.

ALL THOSE QUESTIONS
THEY ANSWERED.

OF COURSE, I KNOW YOU RESERVE
THE RIGHT TO FINAL AUTHORITY.

[MR. ROARKE] AS I STILL DO.

AFTER THE CHILDREN
MAKE THEIR WISHES KNOWN,

I'LL HAVE TO DECIDE IF THEIR
DECISION IS THE BEST FOR THEM,

AND I'M SURE IT WILL BE.

[CINDY] THE CHILDREN'S ANSWER

CERTAINLY DID GIVE
US A GOOD INDICATION,

BUT THE QUALITIES
MARK AND REBECCA

LISTED FOR FUTURE PARENTS
WERE RATHER EXTENSIVE.

I'M AFRAID EVEN
MR. ROARKE COULDN'T FIND

ANY ONE SET OF PARENTS
WHO POSSESSES ALL OF THEM.

HOWEVER, TWO COUPLES
DID EMERGE THE STRONGEST.

YOU MEAN WE HAVE
TWO SETS OF PARENTS?

TWO SETS OF
PROSPECTIVE PARENTS...

ONE WHICH LEANS
TOWARD AESTHETICS,

MUSIC, ARTS, AND EDUCATION,

THE OTHER COUPLE ARE VERY
ATHLETIC, OUTDOOR PEOPLE.

WHEN WILL WE BEGIN?

AS SOON AS YOU AND REBECCA

CHANGE INTO MORE
APPROPRIATE CLOTHES

BECAUSE RIGHT ABOUT NOW...

AH, YES, THERE THEY ARE.

ENJOY YOURSELVES, CHILDREN.

THESE MAY BE YOUR NEW PARENTS.

- REBECCA. JOE DRAKE. HI.
- HI.

- I'M EVY.
- HI.

MR. AND MRS. DRAKE, MAY
I INTRODUCE MISS EWELL.

- HELLO.
- HELLO.

MR. AND MRS. DRAKE
ARE HERE TO TAKE

MARK AND REBECCA FOR THE DAY.

GO ON, SMART GUY.

TRY TO MAKE A BREAK FOR IT.

THE THINGS I COULD
DO TO STOP YOU

WOULD MAKE STRONG MEN WEEP.

BIG TALK, BIG MOUTH,
YOU'RE JUST A LITTLE CREEP.

WHY DON'T YOU
GROW UP, YOU WEIRDO.

WEIRD, YOU'LL BE
SORRY YOU SAID THAT.

ALPHONSE, PICK ON
SOMEBODY YOUR SIZE.

FIELD TELEPHONE
IS ALL HOOKED UP.

IT'S TIME TO MAKE A CALL.

- YOU'RE LUCKY.
- COME ON!

YOUR STRUGGLES ARE USELESS.

YOU'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED

AND THIS CASTLE IS
IN THE MOST REMOTE

AND INACCESSIBLE
SPOT ON FANTASY ISLAND.

ROARKE, WILL NEVER
GUESS WHERE YOU ARE.

[SCOFFS]

HUBBA-HUBBA!

[PHONE RINGING]

YES.

[CORNELIUS] WE'VE
GOT YOUR SIDEKICK.

YOU WHAT?

THERE IS NO NEED FOR
DRAMATICS, MR. ROARKE.

WE ARE DESPERATE MEN
AND WE MEAN WHAT WE SAY.

UNLESS YOU PAY THE
RANSOM WE ASK YOU,

YOU'LL NEVER SEE TATTOO AGAIN.

ARE YOU SAYING THAT
YOU'VE KIDNAPPED TATTOO?

YOU REALLY FELL FOR THAT
OLD BUDDY-BUDDY ROUTINE

HOOK, LINE, AND
SINKER, DIDN'T YOU?

YOU BETTER BELIEVE
WE KIDNAPPED TATTOO,

AND WE MEAN WHAT WE SAY.

YOU MUST NOT HARM HIM.

NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT?

THE DEED TO FANTASY ISLAND.

THE DEED TO FANTASY ISLAND?

DO I HEAR AN ECHO?

BUT HOW DO I KNOW THAT
TATTOO IS ALIVE AT THIS MOMENT?

UNTIE HIM, BRING
HIM TO THE PHONE.

[ALPHONSE] HUBBA-HUBBA.

HERE WE GO.

YEAH. GET HIM UNTIED.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

[CHATTERING]

SPEAK.

I'LL MAKE HIM TALK.

[CORNELIUS] SPEAK.

I SAID TALK.

IT'S OUR TATTOO, ALL RIGHT.

IS THAT YOU, TATTOO?

HOW ARE THINGS IN RED CHIEF?

I COULDN'T GET HIM TO SPEAK,

BUT PERHAPS YOU
RECOGNIZE THE RASPBERRY?

TO GIVE YOU THE OWNERSHIP
OF FANTASY ISLAND

IS AN INCREDIBLE
PRICE, CORNELIUS.

I'LL HAVE TO LOOK INTO
METHODS OF LIQUIDATING

MY HOLDINGS AND
TRANSFERRING OWNERSHIP STOCK.

IT WILL BE COMPLEX
AND TIME-CONSUMING.

TAKE YOUR TIME, MR. ROARKE.

WE'LL CALL YOU
BACK IN TWO HOURS.

TWO HOURS WON'T BE SUFFICIENT.

I'M SORRY, THAT'S ALL
THE TIME WE CAN SPARE.

BUT I'M SURE YOU'LL
MAKE THE MOST OF IT,

PARTICULARLY SINCE
YOUR FRIEND'S LIFE

IS HANGING IN THE BALANCE.

HAVE A NICE DAY, MR. ROARKE.

HOLD IT!

THAT SOUNDED PRETTY FINAL.

DON'T WORRY, CHESTER.

THERE ARE THREE SIDES
TO EVERY TRIANGLE.

WHAT HAPPENS NOW?

YOU WANT TO GIVE ME A HAND?

[MARK] HEY, ALL RIGHT!

SCUBA GEAR. IS IT YOUR HOBBY?

OH, NO, NOT WITH US.

EVY AND I ARE MARINE BIOLOGISTS.

MARINE WHAT?

BIOLOGISTS. WE WORK
WITH UNDERSEA LIFE.

YOU KNOW, LIKE
FISHES AND THINGS.

YOU'LL SEE IN A MINUTE.

MISS EWELL GAVE US YOUR SIZES.

[JOE] THESE RIGS HAVE
THE LATEST GIZMOS,

UNDERWATER COMMUNICATORS.

LAST ONE IN THE
WATER IS A JELLYFISH.

[MARK] WOW, IS THIS EVER NEAT.

[REBECCA] REAL NEATO.

[MARK] HEY, IT'S A SUNKEN SHIP.

[JOE] WELL, KIDS, DO
YOU SEE WHAT I SEE?

[REBECCA] CAN WE BRING IT OUT?

[JOE] WE CAN TRY.

WOW! WE'RE RICH!

WELL, NOT EXACTLY. I THINK...

THESE LOOK MORE LIKE CANDY
COINS TO ME THAN GOLD ONES.

CHOCOLATE.

QUIT COMPLAINING, IT'S
BETTER THAN NOTHING.

HEY, MR. DRAKE, YOU BURIED THAT
CANDY ON THAT SHIP, DIDN'T YOU?

IT'S A POSSIBILITY. WELL,
LATER FOR THE CANDY, KIDS.

RIGHT NOW WE'RE GONNA BUILD
A FIRE AND ROAST HOT DOGS.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING, MR. DRAKE,

THIS IS THE MOST EXCITING
DAY IN OUR ENTIRE LIFE.

GET COMFORTABLE, MY FRIEND.

THIS WILL BE YOUR HOME

UNTIL ROARKE COMES
UP WITH YOUR RANSOM.

GO AHEAD, TRY TO ESCAPE.

THIS ROOM IS A GOOD 200
FEET ABOVE THE ROCKS AND SEA.

AND ANOTHER THING,

SINCE YOU WOULDN'T TALK
TO ROARKE ON THE PHONE,

YOU'RE NOT GONNA
GET ANYTHING TO EAT,

NOT EVEN A CRUST OF MOLDY BREAD
UNTIL YOU DECIDE TO COOPERATE.

NO FRATERNIZING
WITH THE PRISONER.

COME ON.

GIVE ME ANOTHER CARROT.

AND WE WENT SCUBA DIVING

DOWN UNDER THE
WATER WITH ALL THE FISH.

AND WE FOUND A SUNKEN TREASURE.

OF COURSE IT WAS ONLY CANDY.

AND AFTER THAT WE BUILT A
HUGE BONFIRE AND ATE HOTDOGS.

WELL, I'M GLAD THAT YOU BOTH
HAD A VERY ENJOYABLE DAY.

IT WAS REALLY SUPER.

AND MR. AND MRS.
DRAKE ARE REALLY NICE.

I'M SURE THAT YOU AND REBECCA

WOULD HAVE A VERY
WONDERFUL LIFE WITH THEM

AS I'M SURE YOU WOULD
WITH MR. AND MRS. SAMUELS

WHO YOU'LL MEET TOMORROW.

OH, YEAH, I KIND OF
FORGOT ABOUT THEM.

WELL, I DON'T EXPECT THEY'VE
FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU.

MR. SAMUELS IS A
5TH GRADE TEACHER

AND HIS WIFE TEACHES PIANO.

UGH, THEY'RE TEACHERS?

[MISS EWELL] SOUNDS
PRETTY DULL, HUH?

SUPPOSE I TOLD YOU
THAT MR. SAMUELS

IS ALSO A MAGICIAN
AND A VERY GOOD ONE.

REALLY?

MM-HMM.

NOW YOU TWO TAKE A BATH

AND I'LL HAVE DINNER FOR
YOU WHEN YOU'RE DONE.

GO ON.

ROOM SERVICE.

OH, HO, HO.

GREAT LOOKING GRUB, CHIEF.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M
GOING TO ENJOY MORE...

HAVING A MEAL FIT FOR A KING

OR KNOWING THAT THAT LITTLE
CRUM IN THERE IS GETTING NOTHING.

MAYBE WE SHOULD LET HIM
HAVE A LITTLE WATER, HUH?

HE'S GONE.

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!

THE ONLY WAY OUT IS
THROUGH THE WINDOWS,

AND THAT'S A 200-FOOT
DROP TO THE ROCKS BELOW.

AND I TELL YOU, HE
IS NOT IN HIS ROOM.

COME ON.

IF HE JUMPED TO HIS
DEATH, I'LL KILL HIM.

WHERE IS HE?

COME OUT!

I CAN'T FIND HIM ANYWHERE.

I CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT.

I SELECTED THIS TOWER
ROOM CAREFULLY MYSELF.

THE ONLY WAY OUT
IS THE DOOR EXCEPT...

[GRATING]

- AHA.
- UP THE CHIMNEY.

UP THE CHIMNEY.

[COUGHING]

I KNOW YOU'RE UP THERE, TATTOO.

IF YOU DON'T COME RIGHT DOWN,

WE'RE GONNA LIGHT A NICE
LITTLE FIRE UNDER YOUR CARCASS.

HOW WOULD YOU PREFER
IT, RARE OR MEDIUM?

HOW ABOUT WELL DONE?

WELL DONE.

[TATTOO] NO, NO. DON'T FIRE ME.

OH, PLEASE DON'T
FIRE ME, DON'T BURN ME.

COME ON DOWN, YOU TERMITE.

I'M STUCK, GET ME OUT OF HERE.

OH, PLEASE, GET ME OUT OF HERE.

HELP!

HOW DO WE UNCORK HIM
FROM THE CHIMNEY, CHIEF?

QUITE SIMPLE.

- YOU AND I WILL CLIMB UP
ON THE ROOF.
- YEAH.

I WILL LOWER YOU DOWN
THE CHIMNEY ON A ROPE.

YEAH.

THEN DEPENDING
ON HIS PREDICAMENT,

YOU WILL EITHER PULL HIM OUT...

- YEAH.
- OR PUSH HIM BACK DOWN.

- LET'S GO.
- HEY, WAIT, WAIT!

THE ROOF, YOU KNOW
I'M AFRAID OF HEIGHT.

THEN DON'T LOOK UP.

- OH.
- COME ON, LET'S GO.

ARE YOU CLIMBING
WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED?

WILL YOU OPEN THEM UP
AND GET DOWN THE CHIMNEY?

I'M GONNA FALL.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA FALL.

OPEN YOU EYES, GET UP THERE,
AND GET DOWN THE CHIMNEY.

YOU DON'T FORGET TO
HOLD ON TO THE ROPE.

I'LL HOLD ON TO THE ROPE.
HERE, YOU HOLD ON TO THIS ROPE.

ALL RIGHT.

WELL, AT LEAST I DID
GET A CHANCE TO EAT OUT.

NOT BAD.

NOW GET DOWN THAT CHIMNEY.

I CAN'T DO IT.

HEY, BOSS, WAIT A MINUTE.

NO, NO, NO. WAIT A MINUTE.

OH!

HELP!

ALPHONSE, GET ME DOWN!

BONJOUR. HAVE A GOOD DAY.

[SCREAMING]

[COUGHING]

WHAT?

[COUGHING]

I THINK I'M STARTING
TO LIKE IT HERE.

HA, HA, HA.

[CORNELIUS] IT ISN'T OVER YET.

YOU STILL CAN'T GET AWAY.

[TATTOO LAUGHING]

- OKAY, GOOD NIGHT.
- GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT, SWEETIE.

MISS EWELL, CAN I ASK
YOU A PERSONAL QUESTION?

CERTAINLY.

WELL, SINCE WE'RE
THE LAST OF YOUR KIDS

AND WE'LL BE GOING SOON,

AREN'T YOU GONNA
BE, YOU KNOW, LONELY?

YES, WELL, I... I EXPECT
I WILL BE A BIT LONELY

AT FIRST BUT THAT'S
TO BE EXPECTED

AFTER BEING SURROUNDED WITH
CHILDREN FOR SO MANY YEARS.

SOMEONE ONCE SAID,
"PEOPLE ARE LONELY

BECAUSE THEY BUILD
WALLS INSTEAD OF BRIDGES."

I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO BUILD
SOME NEW BRIDGES, WON'T I?

WELL, TIME FOR
PRAYERS AND LIGHTS OUT.

YOU HAVE A BIG DAY TOMORROW.

[THINKING] HOW DOES
ONE BUILD NEW BRIDGES?

[ROARKE] BUT I EXPECTED
YOUR CALL HOURS AGO.

WHEN I DIDN'T HEAR FROM YOU,

I ASSUMED YOU HAD
A CHANGE OF HEART

AND WERE RELEASING TATTOO.

RELEASING HIM? ARE YOU DEMENTED?

THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL SEE HIM
AGAIN IS IF YOU PAY THE PRICE.

WELL, THAT'S BECOME DIFFICULT.

THE PAPERWORK IN TRANSFERRING
THE ISLAND IS MUCH MORE COMPLEX

THAN I FIRST ANTICIPATED.

IT MAY TAKE WEEKS.

WEEKS?

UH, LOOK, I DON'T THINK WE
WANT FANTASY ISLAND AFTER ALL.

THAT COULD BE A
VERY WISE DECISION.

EXACTLY.

LOOK, WHY DON'T WE KEEP IT
ON A STRICTLY CASH BASIS, HUH?

TEN MILLION DOLLARS

FOR THE LIFE OF
YOUR LITTLE FRIEND.

A BARGAIN REALLY
WHEN YOU CONSIDER

THE PRICELESS WORTH
OF A HUMAN BEING,

PARTICULARLY A RARE
INDIVIDUAL LIKE TATTOO,

BUT I'LL NEED TIME, AT LEAST
UNTIL NOON TOMORROW.

OH, AND ONE THING MORE...

THIS TIME I MUST
SPEAK WITH TATTOO,

TO BE SURE HE'S ALL RIGHT.

YOU GOT IT, NOON
TOMORROW, HERE HE IS.

- HI, BOSS.
- HOW IS IT GOING, RED CHIEF?

[ULULATING]

WELL, YOU... YOU HEARD HIM.

START COLLECTING
THE TEN MILLION.

[SQUAWKS] HELLO.

- OH, GOOD MORNING, PEPPER.
- GOOD MORNING.

I WAS HOPING YOU FLY BY.

OH, CHESTER, YOU CAME TOO.

WHAT'S A MAN WITHOUT
HIS FRIENDS FOR COMPANY.

NOW COME ON,
PEPPER, UNTIE MY HANDS.

CHESTER, UNTIE MY FEET.

HURRY UP. GOOD.

COME ON, YOU GOT IT.

WELL, HERE WE ARE FOR
TODAY'S SAMPLE PARENTS.

HEY, WHY SO GLUM?

OH, HE GETS LIKE THAT
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.

I GUESS WE BOTH DO.

I MEAN, THOSE PEOPLE
WANT TO ADOPT US...

BUT YOU WISH YOUR REAL
MOM AND DAD WERE STILL ALIVE?

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

'CAUSE THAT'S HOW I FIRST
CAME TO FANTASY ISLAND.

JUST ABOUT WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE.

YOU MEAN, YOU'RE AN ORPHAN TOO?

MY PARENTS WERE
KILLED IN A PLANE CRASH.

MR. ROARKE WAS THE BEST FRIEND
THEY EVER HAD AND THEY ASKED

THAT IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENED
TO THEM THAT HE WOULD RAISE ME.

MR. ROARKE SEEMS VERY NICE.

OH, HE IS, BUT THAT DIDN'T
STOP ME FROM CRYING

MYSELF TO SLEEP EVERY
NIGHT, UNTIL ONE DAY I REALIZED,

THAT WASN'T WHAT MY
PARENTS WOULD WANT FOR ME.

THEY WOULD WANT ME TO BE
HAPPY AND TO GO ON WITH MY LIFE.

AND THAT'S WHAT YOUR MOM AND DAD

WOULD WANT FOR YOU TOO.

YOU JUST GOT TO BE
HAPPY, GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

THEY'LL HELP CHOOSE
YOUR NEW PARENTS.

BUT WHAT IF WE DON'T
KNOW WHO TO PICK?

YOU'LL KNOW, MARK, IN
YOUR HEART YOU'LL KNOW.

BUT WHAT IF WE DON'T?

WELL, THEN YOU'LL JUST
HAVE TO TRUST MR. ROARKE.

HE VERY RARELY MAKES
MISTAKES. COME ON.

I'LL GET IT.

HI, COME IN.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE. DON'T
TELL ME, LET ME GUESS,

SUPERMAN AND WONDER WOMAN.

HI, I'M CRAIG AND THIS IS ELLA.

- HI.
- HI.

WELL, I THINK YOU'RE
IN GOOD HANDS

FOR THE TIME BEING ANYWAY.

- THANK YOU, CINDY.
- BYE, BYE.

- BYE, CINDY.
- BYE, CINDY.

BYE.

OH, I'VE GOT A FRESH
BATCH OF COOKIES

COMING OUT OF THE
OVEN RIGHT NOW.

THAT'S WHAT I LOVE
ABOUT MY WIFE,

NO SUBTLETY AT ALL.

SAY, A COUPLE OF YEARS FROM
NOW YOU TWO COULD BE IN MY CLASS.

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECTS?

- RABBITS.
- RABBITS?

YEAH, THE KIND THAT
COME OUT OF A HAT.

OH, I SEE. MY REPUTATION
PRECEDES ME, HUH?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT RABBITS,

BUT TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.

ALL RIGHT. THAT'S A CONE.

I'LL NEED A LITTLE MILK.

OH. OH, NO.

NOW THE MILK INTO THE CONE.

NOW WATCH, VERY, VERY CAREFULLY.

I'LL ADD A LITTLE MORE.

OOPS. ALL RIGHT,
THAT'S ENOUGH MILK.

OKAY, HOLD IT DOWN THERE.

THAT'S WHAT I CALL
EVAPORATED MILK.

THAT'S NEAT.

WHEN IT COMES TO MAGIC

THERE'S VIRTUALLY
NOTHING CRAIG CAN'T DO.

I'M AFRAID MR. ROARKE
FEELS THE SAME WAY.

HE'S ASKED ME PUT ON A
MAGIC SHOW AT LUNCHTIME,

BUT THERE'S NO WAY.

WHY NOT?

I NEED A COUPLE OF ASSISTANTS,
CAN'T DO THE SHOW WITHOUT HELP.

[BOTH] WE'LL HELP.

[CORNELIUS] YEAH, I THINK I'LL USE MY
SHARE OF THE TEN MILLION TO TRAVEL.

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
TO SEE UGANDA.

CAN'T BE.

[PEPPER SQUAWKING]

THERE HE GOES, COME ON!

THERE HE GOES. AFTER HIM.

BUT, BUT, BOSS, YOU KNOW
HOW I FEEL ABOUT HEIGHTS.

HUBBA-HUBBA, I'LL CUT
HIM OFF DOWNSTAIRS.

HUBBA-HUBBA,
HUBBA-HOOBA, HUBBA-HEEBA.

I'M GONNA GET YOU. ALL RIGHT.

STEADY, STEADY.

I'LL GET YOU.

[YELLS]

I GOT YOU. WHO ARE YOU?

[WHISTLES]

WHAT'S FOR BREAKFAST?

[LAUGHS]

[ALPHONSE] DID WE GET
THE TEN MILLION? HUH, HUH?

WHAT DID ROARKE SAY?

HE SAYS HE WON'T
PAY OVER ONE MILLION

AND HE INSISTS ON
SEEING TATTOO ALIVE.

HE WANTS US TO MEET HIM
ON THE OLD SWAMP ROAD

AT THE NORTH SHORE OF
THE ISLAND THIS AFTERNOON.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

WHAT TIME IS IT NOW?

[CRAIG] ALL RIGHT CHILDREN,
NOW WATCH VERY CAREFULLY

AND SEE IF YOU COULD
FIGURE OUT HOW THIS IS DONE.

AH.

A DOVE.

NOW WOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT
MY LITTLE GIRL IS IN THIS BOX?

[KIDS] NO.

ALL RIGHT THEN,
WHAT ABOUT THIS BOX?

DO YOU BELIEVE SHE IS HERE?

[KIDS] NO.

OKAY, WHAT DO YOU
THINK ABOUT THIS BOX?

SHE'S GOT TO BE IN THIS
BOX, WHAT DO YOU SAY?

[KIDS] NO.

ALL RIGHT THEN,
YOU KNOW AND I KNOW

SHE'S GOT TO BE IN THIS BOX.

AND THIS MAGIC
WAND WILL CONFIRM IT.

REBECCA, ARE YOU IN THIS BOX?

[KIDS] YES.

REBECCA, WOULD YOU
PLEASE COME OUT NOW?

I ASKED FOR
REBECCA, YOU'RE MARK.

NOW, REBECCA, WILL YOU
PLEASE COME OUT THIS TIME?

[CHEERING]

- ROARKE, ARE YOU ALONE?
- OF COURSE.

NOW WHERE'S TATTOO?

STAY THERE.

I'LL LET YOU HAVE A LOOK AT HIM.

ALPHONSE, BRING HIM
FORWARD. HUBBA-HUBBA.

YOU HEARD WHAT
THE MAN SAID. MARCH.

NOW WHEN I GIVE YOU THE ORDERS

STICK YOUR HEAD
OUT OF THE BUSHES

SO ROARKE CAN GET
A GOOD LOOK AT YOU.

[PEPPER] REACH FOR
THE SKY, MEATBALL.

YOU HEARD ME, REACH FOR THE SKY.

[ALPHONSE] HEY, HEY, COME
BACK HERE! COME BACK HERE NOW!

IGNORE THAT COMMOTION, IT
HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH US.

WE HAVE THE SITUATION
COMPLETELY UNDER CONTROL.

[ALPHONSE] WHERE ARE
YOU? WHERE ARE YOU?

- TATTOO, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
- COME BACK HERE.

HI, BOSS. I'M HAVING A BALL.

GOOD, TAKE CARE, TATTOO.

HE IS IN THE CLEARING.

[ALPHONSE] YOOHOO, COME
OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE.

COME OUT, COME OUT.

YOU WON'T BE FREE
FOR LONG, TATTOO.

YOU CAN'T GET AWAY. YOU
MIGHT AS WELL COME OUT.

[ROARS]

[EXCLAIMS]

HELP! HELP!

I THINK WE LOST HIM, CHIEF.

ME RUNNING OUT ON MY BUDDIES
WHEN I'M HAVING SO MUCH FUN?

HEY, GUYS, I WANT TO
STAY WITH YOU ALL THE TIME.

HA, HA, HA.

[BOTH SOBBING]

WELL, I GUESS THAT'S THE PRICE
YOU PAY FOR BEING A PERFORMER.

WHILE EVERYONE ELSE IS
EATING, YOU'RE WORKING.

THAT'S OKAY. WE
DIDN'T MIND, IT WAS FUN.

SO YOU LIKE MR. AND
MRS. SAMUELS, HUH?

OH, YES.

AND THE SAME COULD BE
SAID FOR MR. AND MRS. DRAKE?

YEAH, WE LIKE THEM TOO.

WELL, TONIGHT WHEN
WE SEE MR. ROARKE,

YOU'LL HAVE TO DECIDE
WHICH COUPLE YOU LIKE BEST,

WHICH COUPLE YOU WANT TO
BE YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER.

WHO WOULD YOU
CHOOSE, MISS EWELL?

OH, NO, YOU DON'T.

I'M NOT GOING TO
INFLUENCE YOUR CHOICE.

MISS EWELL, HOW COME YOU
NEVER GOT MARRIED AND HAD KIDS?

OH, I DID HAVE KIDS, REBECCA.
I HAD HUNDREDS OF THEM.

BUT THEY WEREN'T YOUR OWN.

WEREN'T THEY?

WHAT MARK MEANS IS
THAT THERE WEREN'T ANY

THAT YOU COULD HANG ON
TO, EITHER THEY WERE ADOPTED

OR THEY GREW UP AND MOVED AWAY.

WELL, THEY WERE MINE FOR A
TIME AND I WAS GRATEFUL FOR THAT.

NOT EVEN A PARENT CAN
HANG ON TO A CHILD FOREVER,

ESPECIALLY IF YOU LOVE THEM,

YOU MUST GIVE
THEM THEIR FREEDOM.

- I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING.
- WHAT'S THAT?

NOW THAT YOU WON'T BE
STUCK WITH US ANYMORE,

YOU'LL HAVE TIME TO GET MARRIED
AND HAVE YOUR OWN FAMILY.

THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

UNTIE HIM.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO YET.

THERE IS SO MUCH STUFF
WE CAN DO TOGETHER.

I'M HAVING SO MUCH FUN.

HOLD HIM.

OH, NO, I'M SORRY,

I DON'T GIVE HANDOUTS
TO VAGRANTS.

HOWEVER, IF YOU'RE
WILLING TO WORK,

THERE IS PLENTY TO
DO IN THE KITCHEN.

IT'S ME... CORNELIUS.

OH, I AM SO SORRY. I
DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU.

WHY, YOU LOOK TERRIBLE.

NEVER MIND THE WAY I LOOK.

WE BROUGHT HIM BACK.

LOOK, FORGET THE
MILLION DOLLARS,

GIVE US $10,000 AND HE
IS YOURS FREE AND CLEAR.

OH, I'M SORRY.

I... I REALLY DON'T THINK I
WANT HIM BACK JUST NOW.

EVERYTHING HAS BEEN
SO NICE AND PEACEFUL

DURING HIS ABSENCE, YOU KNOW.

FIVE THOUSAND.

UH, OKAY, A MEASLY THOUSAND
BUT THAT'S MY LAST OFFER.

NO, I THINK THE $10,000
FIGURE IS ACCEPTABLE.

I ALWAYS SAID YOU
WERE A VERY FAIR MAN.

THEN WE HAVE A DEAL.

YOU PAY ME $10,000
TO TAKE HIM BACK.

- WHAT?
- THEN WE HAVE NO DEAL?

BUT HE IS YOUR FRIEND,
YOU GOT TO TAKE HIM BACK.

I'M AFRAID NOT, I'M SORRY.

BUT... BUT WHERE
DO YOU EXPECT ME

TO COME UP WITH
THAT KIND OF MONEY?

WELL, THERE IS PLENTY
TO DO IN THE KITCHEN.

TWO OF YOU WORKING THE
DINNER SHIFT FOR TONIGHT,

BREAKFAST AND
LUNCH FOR TOMORROW,

ROOM SERVICE ORDERS,

YOU DO THAT AND
I'LL CALL IT EVEN.

WHY QUIBBLE OVER A
FEW THOUSAND DOLLARS?

NEVER!

- TOMORROW MY PRICE GOES UP.
- DONE.

ALPHONSE, BRING
HIM IN. HUBBA-HUBBA.

HOW MUCH DID YOU GET, CHIEF?

HE GOT 600.

SIX HUNDRED BUCKS?

NO, 600 CHICKENS.

[PEPPER LAUGHING]

THAT'S HOW MANY
YOU HAVE TO CLEAN

FOR THE BANQUET TONIGHT.

UH, YOU CAN'T MISS THE KITCHEN,
IT'S RIGHT DOWN THE CORRIDOR.

OH, AND HAPPY CHICKEN FLICKING.

I NEVER FLICKED
A CHICKEN BEFORE.

WHAT DO YOU DO, FIRST
YOU FLICK THE CHICKEN,

THEN YOU BOIL THE
WATER OR BOIL THE WATER

AND THEN YOU FLICK THE CHICKEN?

I DON'T KNOW.

- MISS ME, BOSS?
- OH, YES.

YES, MY FRIEND,

OUR HOME JUST WASN'T
THE SAME WITHOUT YOU.

GO ON.

- MR. ROARKE?
- YES.

WE THINK WE KNOW WHO
WE WANT FOR OUR PARENTS,

IF YOU AGREE OF COURSE.

TELL ME.

I THINK YOU HAVE MADE
A VERY WISE DECISION.

NOW I THINK IT'S TIME TO TELL
THE OTHERS. GO ON. GO ON.

MR. AND MRS. DRAKE,
MY SISTER AND I,

WE BOTH THINK YOU ARE SUPER.

WE LOVED THE SCUBA DIVING
AND ALL THAT OTHER STUFF.

MR. AND MRS. SAMUELS,

MARK AND I HAD SO MUCH FUN
BEING A PART OF THE MAGIC SHOW,

AND WE BOTH THINK
YOU ARE SO VERY NICE.

AND I DO WANT TO LEARN
HOW TO PLAY THE PIANO, AND I...

NOW, CHILDREN, YOU MUST TELL US

WHICH COUPLE YOU WANT ME
TO CHOOSE TO BE YOUR PARENTS.

- NEITHER ONE OF THEM.
- HUH?

WHAT MARK MEANS IS THAT...

WE WANT MISS EWELL
TO BE OUR PARENT.

BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

I MEAN, MR. ROARKE HAS
DONE SUCH AN EXCELLENT JOB

SELECTING TWO SETS
OF PROSPECTIVE PARENTS.

AND ANYWAY, IF I
WERE TO ADOPT YOU

THAT WOULD MEAN BREAKING
A FIRM RULE I'VE ALWAYS HAD...

THE CHILDREN MUST HAVE
BOTH FATHER AND MOTHER.

BUT YOU ARE OUR
MOTHER AND FATHER.

YOU TAUGHT ME SWIMMING,
HORSEBACK RIDING, AND BASEBALL.

AND SEWING, READING,
AND EVERYTHING.

PLEASE, MISS EWELL.
PLEASE ADOPT US.

WELL, I DON'T
KNOW, I... I CAN'T...

MISS EWELL, I THINK YOU HAVE TO.

FROM WHAT THE CHILDREN TOLD US
ABOUT YOU THE ONE DAY WE HAD THEM,

YOU ALREADY ARE THEIR PARENTS.

I HATE TO BREAK
IN NEW ASSISTANTS

BUT I'M AFRAID
THE LADY IS RIGHT.

AS FOR YOUR ADOPTION RULES,
DIDN'T THEY ALSO PROVIDE

THAT THE PARENTS BE SOMEONE
THE CHILDREN LOVED VERY DEARLY?

ISN'T THAT REALLY THE
MOST IMPORTANT THING?

WELL, YES, I... I ALWAYS TRIED.

THAT WAS PART OF...

YOU REALLY DO WANT ME?

MORE THAN ANYTHING.

WELL, THEN IT'S SETTLED.
THE CHILDREN ARE YOURS.

- BYE.
- GOODBYE, MR. DRAKE,
MRS. DRAKE.

GOODBYE. PLEASANT JOURNEY.

- BYE.
- THANK YOU.

MR. ROARKE, THANK YOU
FROM ALL THREE OF US.

MY WISH WAS FOR THE CHILDREN
TO CHOOSE THEIR OWN PARENTS,

BUT I NEVER DREAMED
IT WOULD BE ME.

WHY NOT? THIS IS FANTASY ISLAND.

MISS EWELL, SOMEONE
AS UNSELFISH AS YOU

DESERVES A FANTASY ALL HER OWN.

WE HOPE YOU LIKE YOURS.

OH, I LOVE IT, AND I LOVE THEM,

AND I LOVE ALL OF
YOU. THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME AND
CONGRATULATIONS, MISS EWELL.

REBECCA, MARK, GOODBYE.

- BYE-BYE.
- BYE.

[MISS EWELL] GOODBYE.

CORNELIUS, ALPHONSE,
I WANT YOU TO KNOW

YOU DID A FINE
JOB IN THE KITCHEN.

ANYTIME YOU WANT A
STEADY JOB, IT'S YOURS.

FORGET IT.

ALL WE WANT TO DO IS
GET ON THAT BALLOON

AND GET BACK TO THE MAINLAND.

OH, I'M AFRAID TODAY'S
FLIGHT IS ALL BOOKED UP.

EVEN IF IT WEREN'T,
THE BALLOON FARE

IS BEYOND YOUR POCKETBOOK.

WELL, AFTER ALL, YOU STILL
OWE ME QUITE A BIT OF MONEY

FOR TATTOO'S RESCUE.

BUT DON'T WORRY, I'VE MADE
ALTERNATE ARRANGEMENT

FOR YOUR TRIP BACK.

YOU CAN WORK YOUR
WAY OVER ONBOARD A BOAT.

THE S.S. DUMPOIL
IS A GARBAGE SCOW.

[MR. ROARKE] YES.

OH, HERE COMES THE SKIPPER NOW.

DON'T... DON'T MAKE HIM MAD.

HE HAS A HORRIBLE REPUTATION.

OH, AND IF YOU HAVE ANY TIME,

WHICH I DOUBT VERY MUCH
YOU WILL, TRY READING THIS.

SNAPPIN' UP, YOU LOVERS,

AND MAKE READY STOW YOUR GEAR.

WE SAIL WITH THE TIDE,

AND I'LL BE WANTING THE
BILGES DRAINED BEFORE THIS.

HEAVE TWO! HEAVE!

I NEVER CLEANED A BILGE
BEFORE, WHAT DO YOU DO?

FIRST YOU BOIL THE
WATER THEN YOU...

GEE, BOSS, I'M GONNA MISS THEM.

IT'S NOT EVERYDAY THAT I'VE GOT
SUCH GOOD GUYS TO PLAY WITH.

BY THE WAY, BOSS,

WHAT WAS THAT
BOOK YOU GAVE THEM?

ONE THEY SHOULD HAVE
READ BEFORE THEY CAME HERE

THE RANSOM OF RED
CHIEF BY O. HENRY.

- BYE.
- BYE.

- BYE.
- BYE, EVERYONE.

GOODBYE, EVERYBODY.