Fantasy Island (1977–1984): Season 1, Episode 14 - King for a Day/Instant Family - full transcript

The plane! The plane!

Boss! Boss!

I've got a new one for you. Oh?

You want to hear it? All right.

What's yellow, Yes.

Weigh 800 pounds
and lay eggs? Yes.

Yellow... 800 pounds...
and lays eggs?

Um, I'm afraid I don't know.

Two 400-pounds chickens.

You get it, boss? Two
400-pound chickens.

Oh, it's very amusing, Tattoo.



I've got a million of them.

They send it to me in
my new joke kit. Watch.

It seems we're still determined to be the
Henny Youngman of Fantasy Island, huh?

No. I'd rather be Groucho.

At least he had more
fun with the ladies.

Indeed.

Ah, the Jeep.

Smiles, everyone. Smiles.

Mr. Ernie Miller.

He looks like he just got
the keys to the candy stores.

What's his fantasy?

Oh, it's one shared by daydreamers
throughout the ages, Tattoo.

Mr. Ernie Miller, a plumber
from Topeka, Kansas,

simply wants to
live like a king.



A plumber who wants
to be a king? Boss.

And that is precisely what
he shall be this weekend.

Though I am not
certain that his reign...

will be everything he expects.

Miss Gail Grayson... all the
way from Cleveland, Ohio.

That's her mother with her.

- Does the young lady
have a fantasy?
- Oh, she does indeed, Tattoo.

Miss Grayson's fantasy is to get a chance
to meet and be interviewed for a job...

by the famous Dr. Sydney Block.

Oh, I know about him.

He's the famous doctor who wrote
all these books how to raise children.

Yes, yes. That's right.
Many people consider him...

to be the world's foremost
expert of family life.

That's why young Miss
Grayson wants to meet him.

You see, she's just
graduated from college...

with degrees in child
psychology and family analysis.

Her mommy must
be very proud of her.

Oh, I wouldn't jump to
any conclusions, Tattoo.

You see, the title of Miss
Grayson's "doctorial" thesis is...

"The Soft Life of the American
Housewife and Mother."

I bet that was a real kick
in the head for her mommy.

Right, Tattoo. Her
mother wants her to see...

how soft it really is
to be a housewife.

My dear guests, I am
Mr. Roarke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

Excellency.

The nectar from the gods,
especially brewed for Your Majesty.

- Your Majesty?
- But of course.

You did ask for a weekend where you
would be treated like a king, did you not?

Well, after much thought, we realized
the only way that would be possible...

would be to convince
our other guests...

that you are really
a ruling monarch.

Oh, well...

No wonder that everybody
has been so... friendly.

Your nectar, sire.

Ah. Thank you.

Then my fantasy
has already begun?

Oh, Mr. Miller... Um,

I should say King Albert.

That's the name you'll
use during your stay with us.

Your fantasy began the
minute the plane landed,

and we raised the
official flag of your country.

- Even a flag.
- Of course.

Wow. Well, I really
didn't expect any of this.

But then I don't know
what I did expect.

Uh, tell me, does my
country have a name?

- Carpathia.
- Carpathia.

Tattoo.

And you think that
all of these people...

will really believe that
there is such a place?

But of course they will.

Oh, King Albert, the world
is full of small kingdoms...

that people have never heard of.

The world is also
filled with people...

who want to believe in kings
and queens and fairy tale lands.

Cecil Saint James...
Your valet, sire.

Sire. If you will accompany
me to the royal bungalow,

I have laid out your wardrobe
for the official reception.

We certainly hope Your
Majesty will enjoy his stay with us.

Well, I'm sure going to try.

How do you like my new
trick, boss? Isn't it funny?

Oh, it's a regular
laugh riot, Tattoo.

Laugh riot? That what it
says on the box it came in.

Oh? Hmm. What a coincidence.

Oh, thank you.
Thank you very much.

Yes.

Well, this is the home of
Dr. Sydney Block and family.

Dr. Sydney Block. Hope
I say all the right things.

Wish me luck, Mom. Oh.

Oh, Miss Grayson, your
mother is also expected.

What?

I thought I was gonna
see Dr. Block alone.

Oh, I'm so sorry. There must
have been some sort of mix-up.

But Dr. Block is
expecting you both.

Well, I don't mind, dear.

I'll try to stay out of
the way. Fine with me.

One word of advice,
if I may, Miss Grayson.

Be flexible. Don't
limit yourself...

to the academic knowledge
you received from your studies.

You see, Dr. Block
will welcome someone...

who shows that
she's able to... adapt.

Right.

Like they say in show
business, knock them dead,

Right.

Good luck. Thank you.

See you later. Yes.

Tattoo.

Uh, come.

Oh, hi. You're... You're Gail and
Mildred, uh... uh, Grayson, right?

Right. Yes, sir. Wonderful
you could come. Fabulous.

They're here, Selma. Hurry up.

I loved your thesis.

You don't know
what this means to us.

I mean, particularly
since there are two of you.

One always makes my
wife very, very nervous.

One what? One babysitter.

This is our first
vacation in years,

and it's gonna be a pleasure
to sit back and relax...

and know that our kids are in the care
of the girl who-who wrote this thesis.

Yeah, and you too.
You too, Mrs. Grayson.

Selma! Come on. We're late.

Here she is. We can go
now. Go? But, Dr. Block, we...

This is like a dream come
true. It's so wonderful.

Bless you, Miss
Grayson. Bless you both.

Sydney, I'll be in the
car. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Well, Mom, it looks as though
we're gonna do some babysitting.

Oh, Mr. Roarke said
you'd be delighted.

Now, make notes. And, uh,

if-if things get rough,
just consult your thesis.

Oh, I guess it's time you
met the rest of the family.

Guys, Mommy and
Daddy are leaving.

Have a wonderful time
and behave yourselves.

You'll handle everything. I
have absolute confidence.

Buh-bye.

Hi. I'm Herbert Bayard Block,
but I like to be called Herbie.

And this is my sister Laurie.
Laurie's short for Lorelei,

which comes from a famous German
poem about a mermaid who sits on a rock...

and lures sailors
to their death.

This is my little
brother, Conrad.

He's named after a writer
Conrad. And this is our dog, Igor.

Like the hunchback in
Frankenstein who got hanged.

- Oh.
- When do we eat? Igor's hungry.

- I'm hungry.
- So am I. I'm starved.

I guess now would be a good
time to be, uh, flexible, dear.

We're all going to eat
as soon as lunch is ready.

Now, how would you children
like the chance to fix it for us?

Boy, would we ever.
Yeah. We get to fix lunch.

Come on.

Do you think turning them loose
in the kitchen is a good idea?

Oh, Mother.

It's all here in
black and white.

Give children responsibility,
and they rise to the occasion.

You see, Mother,

being a housewife
is easy if you let it be.

You really believe that,
don't you? Absolutely.

All I have to do is keep this
house and those children in order...

until Dr. Block gets back,

and I will not only
prove my thesis,

I will guarantee my
professional future.

Oh, Mom, what a chance.

It certainly seems so.

His Majesty, King Albert.

Your Majesty.

Your Highness.

Excellency.

Harry Sand, United States
Undersecretary of State.

Compliment his golf game. Ah.

Your Majesty. Mr. Sand.

I hope we get a chance to play
golf together while we're here.

I'm told you're quite good.

Thank you, Your Majesty.
I'd like nothing better.

Eric Soro... ambassador of that
large nation on our eastern border.

Mm.

I am surprised...
but delighted...

To find Your Majesty
in such good health.

Oh, well, uh, thank you, Eric.

Emperor Bakota of
uh, Seeda, East Africa.

Well, well, well.

We seem to be having
marvelous weather, Albert.

Yes, yes. It's a beautiful day.

As one monarch to another,

I hope we shall have some time to
speak about that loan to our country...

that we discussed at your
birthday party last month.

Well, uh... Your Majesty.

Your queen, Aurora.

My queen?

Oh. Oh, yes, of
course. My queen.

Darling, we're all so
pleased you could make it.

Mm, so am I.

Gail, lunch is taking
a long time, isn't it?

One must be patient
with children, Mother.

You have to give them space.

I bet they're working their
little fingers to the bone.

Luncheon is served.
What did I tell you?

And I bet it tastes
pretty good too. Yes.

Herbie. Oh, my goodness.

Oh! Uh.

We're having chicken chow mein.

I copied the recipe
out of Mom's cookbook.

Except there wasn't any chicken,
so we used our imagination.

Did you use tuna instead?
That works very nicely.

Yes, I know, but we didn't
have any of that either.

Our mom uses it sometimes too.

We used another
fish... sardines.

Ah. Sardine chow mein.
How... interesting, Herbie.

I made delicious bacon-lettuce-and-tomato
sandwiches on toast.

They look wonderful, Laurie,
absolutely scrumptious.

You'd better not eat it.
The bacon isn't cooked.

Is it my fault that I'm not
allowed to use the stove?

Well, apparently, somebody is,
because I smell something burning.

My cherries jubilee! I left
it flaming in the kitchen!

Oh!

Please, don't help.

I'm hungry! I'm hungry!

Terrific. The house
is burning down,

and all he thinks
about is being hungry.

Be flexible, dear. Be flexible.

Oh.

Oh, Cecil laid
those out for you.

I tell you, this is crazy.

You know, I spend most of
my time cleaning clogged drains.

I'm a plumber, you know. And now a
real emperor is asking me for a loan.

This must be your fantasy too.

What do you really
do? Does it matter?

For this weekend,
I'm your queen.

Gosh. You know that
Roarke... He thinks of everything.

Well, Mrs. Grayson,

your daughter has met Dr. Block,
so her fantasy has begun.

But tell me. How is
yours coming along?

Her fantasy? You mean
they both have fantasies?

Mrs. Grayson's fantasy was for her daughter
to live out her doctorial thesis...

and find out just how easy the life of the
American housewife and mother really is.

Conrad! No!

Oh, Mr. Roarke, right now,

I... I'm not so sure how
good an idea that was.

You fear your daughter may
lose all her confidence. Is that it?

Well, yes, I suppose so. You
see, I'm really very proud of her.

She worked so hard
getting through school.

But you're not sure how
much she really knows.

Or does not know.

Mom! Can you give me a
hand with this canned stuff?

Oh, I, uh... I guess so.

Coming, dear.

How strange it is what a
parent wants for a child...

often satisfies neither of them.

And I don't expect any more
problems like I had at lunch either.

Oh, and why is that, dear?

Because I'm now being very specific
about how I want the children to behave.

I've even given them a list of
things to do while we're in the market.

Good. Gail! Gail! Quick!

Igor took a string of
sausage from the counter,

and when Conrad tried to
put it back, he fell in the freezer.

And when Herbie tried to pull him
out, he stood on a shelf full of cans.

Oh, no! Help! Help!

Oh, no! Help! Help!

Lady, what kind of a circus
are you running... Oh, Herbie!

- Why did you let Igor
into the store?
- You didn't tell me not to.

Help me get outta
here! I didn't tell you not...

Maybe you weren't
specific enough, dear.

All right. Get
the dog outside...

while I help Junior get
out of the freezer here.

Come on, Igor.

♪♪

The king and queen are
always the first to dance.

Okay, but I'm not
exactly Fred Astaire.

You know, they're really
acting like I am for real.

Hmm. Perhaps because
you look so much like a king.

Oh, yes? They oughta see
me lying flat in a crawl hole,

trying to repair a
broken water main.

♪♪

Your Highness. Good evening.

Your Sublime Majesty,
your pardon. ♪♪

But it's become most urgent that
we pursue the subject of our loan.

Well...

Why did you do that?

After all, he's a real emperor.

I know. I was at his coronation.

Why does he persist in
talking about the loan?

You were at his coronation?

If I were truly a queen,
I might have been.

No, no, no. You said you were.

And out by the pool,

Emperor Bakota told me that we
had talked about the loan in the past.

I'm getting the feeling that
something's going on around here...

that I don't know
anything about.

Perhaps we should...
return to the table.

Your Majesty, a moment
of your time, please.

Uh, sire,

there are some matters
between our two countries...

which require
immediate attention.

Such as?

The new import duty you
announced last week, for one.

The joint dredging operation
at Gudow Point for another.

The shutdown has thrown
3,000 of our workers out of a job.

Please, Ambassador Soro,

I realize that all of these
matters are very important,

but... I cannot discuss
them with you tonight.

Is anything wrong,
Your Highness?

Would you please excuse
me for a few minutes?

Is something wrong, Albert?

Something is wrong. I
don't know what exactly,

but something is terribly wrong.

I think he suspects.

Then there really is a
kingdom of Carpathia.

There is indeed. And
if you turn the page,

you'll see a picture of
the real ruling King Albert.

- Is this a trick?
- No trick.

But... he really looks like me.

Will you turn the
page again, please?

You're the real queen.

Or is she a look-alike too?

No. You are indeed
in the presence...

of Queen Aurora of Carpathia.

Oh, well, uh,

Your Royal Majesty, I'm, uh...

I'm sorry. I mean...

Well, then where...

Where is the real King Albert?

Four weeks ago, he was
killed in a motorboat accident.

So far, we've been able to keep
the news from the outside world.

But wh-why would
you do all of this?

Mr. Miller,

much like the relationship
Monaco has with France,

unless the tiny kingdom
of Carpathia has a king,

or, at any rate, a
male heir to the throne,

it will be annexed by
the nation at its border...

The one represented
by Ambassador Soro.

- Soro?
- Mm-hmm.

Well, no wonder... No wonder
he's been looking at me so strangely.

He's an evil man. He's the
reason that I asked Mr. Roarke...

to arrange this weekend.

You were not the
only one with a fantasy.

- And Soro is suspicious.
- Yes.

I'm trying to keep Carpathia
from being swallowed whole,

at least until elections are held in
Ambassador Soro's country next month.

Hopefully, his party
will be voted out...

and one more sympathetic to Carpathia's
independent freedom will be voted in.

So what you needed was a
sucker that looked like the king.

And I filled the bill, right?

Mr. Miller, your fantasy...

was to be treated
like a king, was it not?

Yes.

But you've been using me.

I mean, I came here
for a fantasy, to have fun.

And you've been using
me like-like a... like a pawn...

in some lousy game of politics.

You have every
right to be angry.

You're damn right I do.

I have a mind to go out
there to the ballroom...

and blow the
whistle on all of you.

If you do, in 24 hours,

Soro's troops will have
overrun my country,

and that will be the end of
freedom for three million people.

I was trying to buy a little
time for the good of my country.

But maybe I was trying
to do it the wrong way.

I'm very sorry.

The decision is
yours, Mr. Miller.

The children are asleep.

What do you want me
to do with these towels?

Sweetheart?

Oh, the poor girl.

Sleep tight.

♪♪

Your Majesty.

Boss, you think he's
gonna blow the whistle?

Shh! Be quiet, Tattoo.

May the king now
finish the dance...

he and the queen
started an hour ago?

Yes. Yes, he most certainly may.

You know, if we are going to
convince Ambassador Soro...

that I am really the king,

I think you had better spend
some time briefing me...

on the domestic
issues of Carpathia.

Kids, I've got a
new joke for you.

This is a funny one.

On my way here, I met a drunk.

He stood in front
of a parking meter,

put a penny inside
of it and said,

"I weigh 10 minutes."

"I weigh 10
minutes." You get it?

He thought the
meter was a scale.

Uh, Tattoo, perhaps
you should remember...

none of your audience has ever
seen a parking meter, you see.

So, uh... But, boss,

they did not laugh
at any of my jokes.

You stupid monkey.
What do you know?

I think I have a very
unusual washing technique.

I get the feeling I keep doing the
same load over and over again.

I'm sure you'll work it
out, dear. All mothers do.

You're enjoying
this, aren't you?

Well, it's time to see
who wants what for lunch.

And after that, I'm going to take a
well-earned rest. Oh, that would be nice.

By the way, dear, what
have the children been doing...

while you've been up to your
elbows in harsh detergents?

They've been
watching television.

And don't accuse me of
using the tube as a babysitter.

I selected a very stimulating,
educational program on the life of a moose.

And they were fascinated.

The night is dark,
the moon is full,

and soon the werewolf
will walk the forest... No!

Hey, you shut the good part off.

The only thing that was
good for was nightmares.

But if you're looking
for something to do,

I saw some great
books on the lives of...

- Where's Laurie?
- She took Igor for a walk
down to the beach.

That's an awfully long walk,
and... and then there's that cliff.

How long has she been gone?

Don't worry. Igor's a good
watchdog. He'll take care of her.

Well... Laurie's hat.

Oh, he's soaking wet.

Something must
have happened to her.

Igor wants us to follow
him. He knows where she is.

No. Herbie, Conrad, stay
here and stay out of trouble.

Come on, Mom. Let's go.

You turn on the
TV. You turn it on.

You turn it on. All
right, I'll turn it on.

Behind you! The werewolf!

Delightful picnic. I
did not see one ant.

Their encroachment was
forbidden by King Albert.

Ambassador Soro, you
mentioned last night...

that you were disturbed by our
raising of the import duty on tea.

Since it is we who
export it to you, yes.

After you first
import it from India.

Oh. I also think I
should tell you...

that we are going to raise the
export tax on our Carpathé perfumes.

But that's our principal
import from Carpathia.

You are charging us more?

It seems that that's the only
language your country understands.

Your Highness seems
refreshingly candid today.

Perhaps you are ready to
discuss our dredging problem.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.

The dredging was stopped because
of a breakdown in the pumping system,

a breakdown that was
caused by excessive pressure...

built up in your
part of the system.

Surely, that can be...

mere speculation, Your Highness.

On the contrary, Mr. Soro.

It is the basics
of good plumbing.

You see, I looked over the
blueprints of the system last night.

And that damage could
have only been done...

by a blowout of
the gasket drums...

on your country's
side of the system.

Sire, are you telling me...

that you intend to bill us for
the dredge breakdown damage?

If a plumber came into your
house and did a job like that,

you'd take him to court.

Yes, of course,
we're going to bill you.

My dear.

Strange. Very strange.

I have never known any
king to be so knowledgeable...

about underwater plumbing...

Let alone our dear, unknowledgeable
friend, King Albert of Carpathia.

Well, someone's certainly
filling him in with a lot of answers.

Either that, or he's
not the Albert we know.

Well, how did I do?

There were many
times when I wished...

the real Albert would
have stood up like that.

But Albert, I'm afraid,
was still a bit of a playboy.

He didn't care
about politics much.

Did you love him very much?

I suppose this
will sound strange,

but I... didn't love him at all.

Our marriage was
arranged my our families.

To tell you the truth,
the real King Albert...

was not a very likable man.

Well, I'm sorry.

Do you really mean that?

Well, yes, of course I do.

You're too nice a person to
be forced into an unhappy life.

I'm so nice I keep setting
you up. What do you mean?

Well, there's no real proof,

but what we suspect
is Albert's death...

was not as accidental
as people tried to make it.

You mean he was assassinated?

Soro? We think so.

Annexing Carpathia would
ensure his party's reelection.

Well, then they
might try that again.

I'm sorry.

Being king isn't like you
thought it would be, is it?

No, it's sure not.

It isn't all caviar and
pheasant under glass.

A ruler is besieged by
people who want big loans,

others who demand lower taxes.

I should never have asked for
a proxy king for this weekend.

I had no right.

Just be glad that you're...

You're going home tomorrow.

Laurie, where are you?
Laurie, it's me, Gail!

Laurie, can you hear me?

Igor! Laurie! Laurie!

Laurie! It's no use, Mother.

Not only is Laurie missing,
but the dog's gone too.

Gail, I think it's Igor.

Laurie! Can you hear me?

Laurie. Laurie.

Laurie.

It sure took you a
long time to save me.

If I'd have been
in real trouble,

I'd probably be dead by now.

You set this whole thing up...

Igor, your hat...
The whole thing.

It works a lot better on Lassie.

I guess Igor
isn't star material.

You're coming home with
me this instant, young lady.

Not that way. It's slippery.

Oh! Oh! Oh, no! You'll fall in.

Oh, Gail!

Laurie, you're
coming home with me.

Oh!

Boy, I hope Gail appreciates
these chili beans I'm makin' for lunch.

I hope Gail appreciates
me for doing the laundry.

Conrad, I'm gonna
go check on Gail,

see if she found
Laurie, all right?

You stay here and check
up on things, all right?

Okay, Herbie. I'll clean up
around here and surprise Gail.

The first thing we're
gonna do is get you washed.

What on earth!

Conrad! Herbie!
Are you all right?

Oh, no!

Conrad. I told you
to stay out of trouble.

Please go to your room.
Laurie, come with me.

We're gonna put your
clothes right in the wash.

- Uh! Oh!
- Oh!

I know it's the wrong
time to tell you, dear.

Herbie seems to be missing.

Something's wrong with Igor.

Maybe he knows
that Herbie is dead.

Herbie. Herbie!

Herbie? Mother, will you please
turn off that washing machine?

Herbie? Come out, Herbie.

Herbie! Herbie!

Herbie?

Gail! Gail!

Gail! Gail! Look what
followed me home!

Can I keep him? Can I?

This is the last straw.

I don't know anything
about children.

I don't know anything
about homemaking.

Mother, I don't know
anything about anything!

Oh, Gail! Gail,
where are you going?

Oh, no. I was afraid of this.

Why is everyone crying?

Did we do something
wrong? No, but I sure did.

All Gail wanted was to maybe
get a job with your father,

and I had to mess everything up.

- You?
- Yes, me
and my stupid fantasy...

To show her how hard being a mother
and a housewife can be sometimes.

Oh, she worked so
hard on her thesis.

She's really very nice.

One of the nicest
people I've ever known.

It... It's just not fair
what I've done to her.

She'll probably hate you
for the rest of your life.

Oh!

You're wrong, Mother.

It was very fair.

At least you sure opened my
eyes to how silly and stupid this is.

Oh, it's not silly and stupid.

Well, not all of it, and-and
some of it's quite informative.

Oh, Gail, darling,

I'm so very proud of you, and I...
and I've made such a mess of things.

It's all right. There'll
be other jobs.

Aren't you gonna
work with my father?

No way. Not with this place
looking like this when they get back.

Maybe we can
help you clean it up.

Laurie, your parents are
due home in two hours.

It would take a miracle
to clean this place up.

We could try.

Conrad's right. We
could try. Please, Gail?

♪♪

We will soon know if King
Albert is the real item...

or merely a proxy.

What are you going to do?

Test him.

Uh, Your Majesties, I
am flying out tonight.

I hope to see you both
when again I visit Carpathia.

Sire, I'm looking forward to
hunting boar with you again.

It's always such a privilege
to join the royal hunting party.

- Hunting party? You and I?
- Yes, sire.

I've never hunted
with you in my life.

True.

What must I have
been thinking about?

Yes, Ambassador Soro,
what were you thinking about?

I... I don't know,
Your Royal Highness.

Maybe... it is
the lack of sleep.

The mind... it plays tricks.

Yes. People play
tricks sometimes too.

And some people play... deadly
tricks, if you get my meaning.

Well,

long may our two countries
remain friendly neighbors.

Your Majesty.

Is-Is it just possible
that we might be able...

to negotiate the tax
on Carpathé perfume.

Possible? Anything is possible.

Thank you, Your Majesty.

Well?

He's Albert, all right.

That boating accident was
a mistake in a lot of ways.

Not only is he still alive,

but the playboy has
grown into a man.

I can't believe that you're almost
through in here. How are you doing?

This is the last of the laundry, and
the kids are just finishing up the dishes.

I thought they
finished an hour ago.

That was before I found out they cleaned
them by having Igor lick the food off.

Oh, children!

Hurry. It's your parents. Quick.
Come on, kids. Get in there.

What about the rest of these?
That's all right. Just get in there.

Oh!

Oh, good, kids. I love you.

Oh. Okay.

Once upon a time,
there were three bears...

Mama Bear, Papa
Bear and Baby Bear.

Oh, hello, Dr. Block. We
didn't hear you come up.

Good evening, Mother.
Good evening, Father.

Gail was just
reading us a story.

Uh-huh, so I see.

Are you sure we've
come to the right place?

Those are our
children, aren't they?

Of course we are, Mater.

Don't tell me they've
been like this all weekend?

Sure, we have.

Then, in that case,
your thesis really works.

Well, of course it does.

Ah, well, then, I just
have two questions.

Why is the book your daughter
is reading upside-down?

And wh-why is there
a seal in my closet?

Well, I'm glad it didn't
rain earlier today,

spoil our picnic.

And it was a picnic, believe me.

All the way... The
whole terrific weekend.

Now it's back to leaky faucets,

brass fittings and
clogged drains.

You know, when I said
it was terrific just now,

I... I didn't mean being
treated like a king.

I meant it was terrific
because of you.

What, uh... What are
you gonna do now?

I mean, how long do you
think you can keep them fooled?

Long enough, I hope.

I mean, at best,
it's only temporary.

Sooner or later, there's bound to
be another government like Soro's.

They'll find out
that there is no king,

and you won't have
a country anymore.

Look,

I know I'm not the greatest.

And Topeka, Kansas,
is not a magic kingdom.

Oh, it's crazy.

I was just about to...

ask you to... marry me...

and come back with me
and be a plumber's wife.

- You too, Ernie?
- What?

I'd love to be a plumber's
wife or anything with you.

But right now, there are a lot
of people depending on me.

Everybody believed that
you were the king, even Soro.

A gentler, nicer, more
considerate king...

they never knew
when Albert was alive.

I think I know what
you're about to say, but...

Would you go ahead and say it
anyway, because... I don't believe it yet.

I realize that Carpathia...

isn't half as big as
the city of Topeka...

and you'd have to go by the
name of Albert instead of Ernie.

Oh, I have no right to ask you.

Oh, yes, you do.

My whole adult life, I've...

I have never said
this to a woman...

and really meant it.

But... I do love you.

I guess what I'm saying is that,

Your Royal Majesty, if...

If you want a king...

who in his spare time...

can repair all the
plumbing in the castle,

Well, I...

I guess... I'm your guy.

Mrs. Grayson. Oh,
thank you so much.

You're welcome. Miss
Grayson. Thank you.

Well, ladies, I hope you enjoyed
your visit. We certainly did.

I learned an awful lot,
Mr. Roarke. Well, we both did.

What about your
job with Dr. Block?

I start next week, despite
making every mistake possible.

He felt that if I could bring
his three kids together...

on a joint effort like
they had to make,

I must have something
to offer after all.

Oh, I am so pleased.
Oh, thank you.

One thesis... from me to you.

And good-bye, Mr. Roarke.
Thank you so much.

Good-bye, Tattoo.
Good-bye, Miss Grayson.

Ah. Good morning. Good morning.

Your Royal Highnesses.

You know, when I came here,
I never expected a fantasy...

that would last for
the rest of my life.

And I never expected
to leave with King Albert.

I am pleased you're
both so happy...

and, uh, in love.

Your Highness. Yes?

Thank you very much for fixing
the plumbing in Bungalow Number 4.

Oh, forget it.

Thank you very much. Au revoir.

You're very welcome.
Good-bye. Enchanté.

You asked a king
to fix the plumbing?

Well, the queen didn't know how.