Fangbone! (2014–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - The Polluted Light of Destiny/The Warwagon of Trust - full transcript
♪ Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh, oh-hh-oh-hh ♪
♪ Skullbania's in mania
Fighting to keep their rule ♪
♪ From the evil magic big toe
Of the Venomous Drool ♪
♪ One barbarian entrusted
With the Crusted Toe of Fate ♪
♪ Portal-blasted to our planet
But can he keep us safe? ♪
- ♪ Fangbone, Fangbone ♪
- ♪ Short of height but tall of fight ♪
- ♪ Fangbone, Fangbone ♪
- ♪ In a cave he sleeps at night ♪
♪ Saving Earth with Bill the Human ♪
♪ Though he has no sword or beard ♪
♪ His weapon is he's weird ♪
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-hh-oh-hh
♪ Fangbone, Fangbone ♪
♪ With his friends
he'll take the chance ♪
- ♪ Fangbone, Fangbone ♪
- ♪ A hero without wearing pants ♪
- ♪ Fangbone, Fangbone ♪
- ♪ One day they will all believe ♪
♪ The soon-to-be the legendary ♪
♪ Come and meet the legendary... ♪
- Song of theme done?
- Eh, pretty much.
My teaching powers inspire young minds.
[all gasp]
Set imaginations on fire!
[laughs]
[screams]
But not literally.
[cheers]
And destroy ignorance forever!
[all cheer] Yeah!
And that's why I wanted to be a teacher.
Wow. Teaching is that cool?
[loud whistle]
Sometimes.
For tomorrow,
I want you to prepare a presentation
on what you want to be
when you grow up.
What if we don't know?
I won't deduct marks
if you're wrong 20 years from now,
so just pick something.
One does not choose one's destiny.
A warrior follows the path
set by the heavens.
If you don't give me an answer,
your destiny is to fail the assignment.
Hmm. If I am to know my future,
then I must search the stars.
Uh, Bill, are you sure this is the sky?
Pretty sure. It's up. Up is sky country.
Then where are the stars?
Have they been devoured
by the ravenous Sky Snake?
I don't think we have those here.
Light pollution from town is so bright,
it blocks out the stars.
- Why do you need to see them so badly?
- The star-shapes give us much knowledge.
Tigerius, the Tiger of Lies,
warns us of approaching trickery.
If we see the lunch of a thousand years,
we know to skip our next eight meals.
The stars would tell me
what is to come when I grow up,
if they were not defeated
by your town's ballbat arena.
If you really want to see stars,
I know the place.
-[Bill's Mom] Are you on the roof?
-[dog barks]
What are you doing on the roof?
-We call it a planetarium.
-Ha! Bill.
One cannot see the stars
from under a roof.
By the stone back of Stoneback.
Someone has trapped the stars
inside this medium-sized hut.
What powerful sorcery is this?
Wise Druids, I ask your guidance,
though I have no offering
of spices or cakes.
Ann, the moon's stuck again!
- I'm on it!
- Bill, you came back.
No one ever comes back.
- Hi, Carl!
- Bill, you know this Druid King?
We came here on a field trip once.
But Carl's not a Druid.
He's an astronomer.
That projector puts the stars up
on the ceiling
and we sit back and love it up.
Mighty astro-gnomes, show me my fate
on the under-sky
of your mystical star barn!
What does he want?
I must know my destiny
for Ms. Gillian's school labor.
[bites apple, spits]
So, you want the stars
to tell you your future, huh?
Maybe they'll fill you with fear
and break your spirit!
That's actually a solid idea.
Ah! Looking Up:
A Guide to Sky Magic.
The Rainy Dayclops?
Not ominous enough.
Failconis the Falcon of Failure?
Too beaky.
Gassius the Lunch Pig?
[groans]
Stars are so lame.
Ah, the Moon Bear of No Tomorrow.
This'll terrify the barbarian mongrel.
He'll drop my toe like it's hot lava.
Now, to move the very stars themselves!
[thunder cracks]
[grunting]
Bill, I cannot read your star shapes.
They make no sense.
Stars don't really tell you your destiny.
They're just stars.
You'll have to choose
your own answer for Ms. G.
Hey, do you guys want to see
the laser show?
[upbeat music plays]
Ow, ow! Oh!
That always happens.
Ah, keep it, Bill. I've got tons.
-[pounding]
-Anyone else hear that?
Come on!
[gasps]
- Bill, I have seen enough.
- Great. [chuckles]
- Thanks, Carl.
- Come back soon.
[snores]
[Fangbone] Bill. Bill.
Your bed floats in lava, Bill.
[gasps]
[yells]
Ah, good, you were not consumed
by the lava.
How did I get there? You put me there.
Why did you put me there?
You must learn to survive if you are to be
the sole protector of Drool's toe.
What? What are you talking about?
I have seen the Moon Bear of No Tomorrow.
What are you talking about?
When the Moon Bear of No Tomorrow
appears to a barbarian,
they must set aside their burdens
and meet him in the wilderness.
- That could mean anything.
- No. The bear eats you.
I did not expect this omen
until I was at least 13.
[sizzling]
Hold on. You see a bear shape on a ceiling
so now you're gonna give me the toe
and wander off into the woods?
To be devoured by the Bear, yes.
You must be prepared
to carry the toe alone.
To the training room!
They're just big balls of gas.
Stars aren't alive.
[shouts]
[crumbling]
The sun doesn't get chased
out of the sky by the moon.
They just go in circles.
[screams, crashes]
[pants]
And-and by-by-by the way,
humans have been to the moon.
Ha! Only Stoneback can go to the moon.
Are you Stoneback, Bill?
No. But I know the stars
don't say anything.
And even if they did,
you don't have to obey them.
I must obey my destiny,
and you must take the toe.
[sniffs] And put out your sock fire.
[screams]
[laughs]
Yes, Fangbone, leave my toe with Bill
who sets his feet on fire
and can barely do, like, one chin-up.
I've basically already won.
Ooh, I might even make popcorn.
In fact, I need to.
You have to listen to reason.
Or science. Or common sense!
I do not! I am a barbarian.
[sighs] Then maybe you'll listen to them.
[all yawning]
If you are trying to stop me,
I outnumber you one to six.
I called everyone so they can tell you
how they chose what they want
their future to be.
I'm going to be a glitterologist
and make the brightest sparkles ever!
They'd make a rainbow
if it wasn't three in the morning.
I want to be tall. So I'll work on stuff
that's tall like tall buildings.
I'll get to see the tops
of everyone's heads. I think it's cool.
- Completely free!
- We get it. Next!
I wanna be so over this, okay?
Like, so over it.
So... [scoffs] I'm over it.
See? We all chose what we want
our future to be, and so can you.
Now we're choosing to go home to bed.
I am sorry, Bill.
Even if you do not understand,
I must walk my path.
You will find yours.
But I thought my path
was to protect the toe with you.
I don't want to do it by myself.
I'm kinda scared.
But you are brave. And you will not quit.
Often, that is enough.
Farewell, Bill. We are battle brothers.
Always.
Bye, Fangbone.
[crunches]
[voice breaks] Don't go, Fangbone.
Bill, you can't let him leave like that.
[spits] What am I saying?
Ow!
There! Mad again!
Yes! Now let's get back my toe!
Wow, it really looks like a bear.
[roars]
[crashing]
Okay, maybe just unplug it.
Have you still nothing for me,
Sky-of-Earth?
-[roaring]
-Moon Bear!
You are eager to face Fangbone
of the Mighty Lizard Clan.
I will not slide down your throat
so easily!
-[roars]
-Huh? But, but...
I obeyed the omen.
Why do you attack my village?
Moon Bear, if you do not follow
your destiny, then neither will I!
I'm sorry, I didn't think you were real.
Whoa!
-Ah!
-[roars]
- Fangbone isn't here.
- Yes, he is!
[shouts]
It seems light cannot be fought.
[gasps] We can!
We just need a stronger light.
-[yells]
-[roars]
Victory!
- This tiny light-sword is too tiny.
- We have to outshine it.
- Make it follow us.
- That will not be difficult.
[grunts]
Bill, wherever we are going,
- I would like to be there now.
- Over here!
-Uh, Bill?
-[roars]
Eat photons, light-bear!
[roaring]
[shouts]
Yes!
I knew they could do it!
I knew it, I knew it.
Wait, what? No, no, no, no.
No!
I am sorry, Bill.
I see now that it is foolish
to follow a destiny one cannot see.
From now on, I will choose my own.
And I choose to keep the toe
safe with you.
Battle brothers forever.
We still need to pick something
for Ms. Gillian's assignment.
Hmm.
And that is why, when I grow larger,
I will still be Bill's friend.
And I'll still be his.
[all cheer]
I liked the bear made of stars,
even if the laser pointer
was a little convenient.
But you didn't really complete
the assignment.
So, I'll have to give you an--
Astronomers!
We want to be astronomers.
Yes, as astro-gnomes, we will crush
light pollution under our heels
and once again reveal your stars of night!
Good enough for me.
[crackling]
Okay, guys. The projector is magic.
We should probably put on robes
and start chanting.
Futurum in stellis.
[all chant] Futurum in stellis.
Futurum in stellis.
[shouts]
[roars]
[shrieks]
[grunts]
-[shrieking]
-[grunts]
-Whoa!
-[Bill] Fangbone!
[creature whimpers]
Drool really wants his toe back.
This week was a trial.
But together, we snatched victory
from the toothy jaws
of many, many monsters.
We need a break.
Yes, let us break the bones
of even greater monsters!
[groans]
Skullbanians find peace after a fight
by immediately starting
another larger fight.
Well, here, we find peace
by doing fun stuff.
Show me this "fun stuff".
[Fangbone grunts]
This place is chaos incarnate.
Evil could be anywhere.
[shrieks, laughter]
Bill, that mechanical beast
has stolen children!
Why does no one save them?
Fangbone, that's the fun
I was talking about.
I do not know, Bill.
What if the toe is stolen
while I am having this "fun"?
Trust me.
No one here wants that gross stinky toe.
-[shouts]
-[blade rings]
It was a guy in a suit, Fangbone!
The only time a man
should be inside a beast
is when he has failed to eat it first.
Well, now we're banned for life.
I am sorry, Bill,
but because of my vow to protect the toe,
it seems fun cannot be had.
Unless I carry it.
It's only fair that I keep the toe safe
sometimes too.
Bill, I do not wish to offend,
but keeping the toe safe
demands constant vigilance.
- And you are easily distracted.
- Oh, right.
Let me carry the toe for the afternoon
and I'll show you how
we really have fun here on Earth.
- You can trust me, Fangbone.
- I...
I trust you, Bill.
Oh! Ooh, ooh...
[giggles]
Starting now.
- Ready?
- I am not sure, Bill--
Great! Let's have some fun!
[Fangbone shouts]
[belches]
Bill, something has happened to my face!
That's a smile. You're having fun.
-Whoa!
-Fun?
Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
Yes! I will have all the fun!
That was very satisfying.
See? All you had to do was relax
about the toe for a while.
Thank you, Bill. I am refreshed,
and ready to carry
my burden once again.
Enjoy your frivolous amusements,
Fangbone and Bill,
for soon your ironclad grip on my toe
will be shattered
by this extremely long
and complicated plan.
I even pulled an all-nighter to make sure
I got the likenesses perfect and--
[Bill] I lost the toe!
- What?!
- What?!
Bill, how could you lose the toe?
It was the only task you were tasked with!
We must have left it somewhere
on our super fun tour.
New plan. It's go time!
[whoops]
Whoo-whoo!
Speed on your spiky wheels,
my Warwagon,
and fetch my toe!
[growls]
Okay, we just need to retrace our steps
and we'll find the toe.
Your fun has clouded my mind!
We did so much stuff
I can't remember, either.
I'm sorry, Fangbone. I'm such a--
[gasps] Foot clue! It's a receipt
from the Mallhalla Mega Plaza.
We bought Icy Slurps.
[Warwagon shouts]
[laughs evilly]
- What the--
- Oh, yeah!
That wheeled menace
is one of Drool's Warwagons,
a magical golem of great velocity
and smelly exhaust.
[Wagon singing]
- If it finds the toe before us--
- It won't.
[shouting]
Gladiator supplies? A feasting hall?
Clothing for gnomes?
-This place has everything.
- [Wagon shouts]
I know we're here for my toe.
I'm just browsing.
We need to slow it down
or it'll find the toe first.
There! I can make the floor
extra slippery.
- I will do so.
- But--
I said I will do so. Now!
[tires screech]
[Wagon shouts]
[gurgles]
[Bill] It's not at the Icy Slurp shop!
- [Fangbone] We must search harder.
- [Bill] I don't think the toe's here.
- [Fangbone] Then where is it?
- I don't--
[gasps] H.R. McBouncealot's
Skytouchers Incorporated!
Bill, I do not speak
whatever language that was.
We went to the trampoline park.
The toe must have bounced out of my bag.
-[Wagon shouts]
-[Bill and Fangbone shout]
Show me the trampoline park.
I'm sorry,
I can't find the tambourine shark.
I said trampoline park,
you idiotic slime puddle!
Did you say "grime cuddle"?
No! I didn't say--! [groans]
I'll find it myself!
-[Fangbone grunts]
-[blade rings]
- Fangbone, you can't just break in.
- I will be very careful.
The toe has to be here.
Search with all your might, Bill!
-It's not here!
-[Wagon shouts]
Even magical evil toes cannot vanish!
Hey, what's that?
-[chomping]
-Uh, Bill, this is awkward.
Honey-watermelon mustard!
We went to Weinerdogs!
My ink-blackened fingers betray that
we also patronized the merchant of comics.
We need to split up.
Bill, you have already lost the toe once.
I know, and maybe never trust me
with it again,
but right now, this is how we beat Drool.
I will search the illuminated bookseller.
I'll check Weinerdogs.
[Wagon shouts]
Fangbone, we'll find it.
[grumbles]
Follow that barbarian.
No, wait, the human child is smarter.
Pursue him.
Ah! But Fangbone is unnaturally lucky.
Bill has shown strange intelligence.
[Wagon shouts]
How dare you? I will decide!
And yes, I do decide Bill!
Follow that human whelpling!
[pants]
-[bell dings]
-[panting]
- Have you seen the toe?
- No, no, only my own. Only my own.
That means...
-[Bill yells]
-[Wagon shouts]
[Bill] Hot dog, hot dog, hot dog.
Hot dog!
This is the worst possible place
to lose a toe!
Listen to me, Bill.
I saw your barbarian playmate find bupkis!
So where is my toe?
Ah! Even if I knew, I'd never tell you.
- Fine.
- Fine?
Yup, no biggie. We're good.
- Really?
- Really.
But if you don't know
where you lost my toe,
there's no reason why my Warwagon
shouldn't feast upon your tasty bones!
[shouting]
- Did you find the--
-No. I'm sorry, Fangbone.
You two are unbelievable!
I'll find it myself.
Now just get devoured already!
I may have failed to protect the toe,
but I will ride your beast-wagon
howling into the nightlands!
Ahh!
- Fangbone, do you trust me?
- [sighs] I...
Aren't you two adorable?
Eat them like crunchy candy!
[shouts]
Now!
[Wagon screams]
No! I'm still making payments!
I knew I should've sent the convertible!
Drool does not get his toe today.
[sighs] Regrettably, neither do we.
[shouts]
[sirens]
Someone's gotta find it. I hope.
I didn't mean for this to happen.
I just wanted you to have a little fun.
I know, Bill. But this is why
fun is something I can never have,
and why I cannot trust you
or anyone else with the toe ever again.
- Bill Goodwin?
- Yes.
[gasps]
But-- But how?
- Who sent you this chest of hard paper?
- Well, it's from...
Me? Oh...
I was worried I'd lose it
or spill the beans to Drool
so I made sure I was super distracted
and mailed it to myself.
Bill, only you could craft a plan
so ingenious you fooled even yourself.
You have well-earned the right
to carry the toe.
And now, we shall have fun
the barbarian way.
[screaming]
Yes!
We could've gone back
to the trampoline park.
You liked the trampoline park.
[screams]
♪ Oh-oh-oh, oh-hh-oh-hh ♪
♪ Skullbania's in mania
Fighting to keep their rule ♪
♪ From the evil magic big toe
Of the Venomous Drool ♪
♪ One barbarian entrusted
With the Crusted Toe of Fate ♪
♪ Portal-blasted to our planet
But can he keep us safe? ♪
- ♪ Fangbone, Fangbone ♪
- ♪ Short of height but tall of fight ♪
- ♪ Fangbone, Fangbone ♪
- ♪ In a cave he sleeps at night ♪
♪ Saving Earth with Bill the Human ♪
♪ Though he has no sword or beard ♪
♪ His weapon is he's weird ♪
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-hh-oh-hh
♪ Fangbone, Fangbone ♪
♪ With his friends
he'll take the chance ♪
- ♪ Fangbone, Fangbone ♪
- ♪ A hero without wearing pants ♪
- ♪ Fangbone, Fangbone ♪
- ♪ One day they will all believe ♪
♪ The soon-to-be the legendary ♪
♪ Come and meet the legendary... ♪
- Song of theme done?
- Eh, pretty much.
My teaching powers inspire young minds.
[all gasp]
Set imaginations on fire!
[laughs]
[screams]
But not literally.
[cheers]
And destroy ignorance forever!
[all cheer] Yeah!
And that's why I wanted to be a teacher.
Wow. Teaching is that cool?
[loud whistle]
Sometimes.
For tomorrow,
I want you to prepare a presentation
on what you want to be
when you grow up.
What if we don't know?
I won't deduct marks
if you're wrong 20 years from now,
so just pick something.
One does not choose one's destiny.
A warrior follows the path
set by the heavens.
If you don't give me an answer,
your destiny is to fail the assignment.
Hmm. If I am to know my future,
then I must search the stars.
Uh, Bill, are you sure this is the sky?
Pretty sure. It's up. Up is sky country.
Then where are the stars?
Have they been devoured
by the ravenous Sky Snake?
I don't think we have those here.
Light pollution from town is so bright,
it blocks out the stars.
- Why do you need to see them so badly?
- The star-shapes give us much knowledge.
Tigerius, the Tiger of Lies,
warns us of approaching trickery.
If we see the lunch of a thousand years,
we know to skip our next eight meals.
The stars would tell me
what is to come when I grow up,
if they were not defeated
by your town's ballbat arena.
If you really want to see stars,
I know the place.
-[Bill's Mom] Are you on the roof?
-[dog barks]
What are you doing on the roof?
-We call it a planetarium.
-Ha! Bill.
One cannot see the stars
from under a roof.
By the stone back of Stoneback.
Someone has trapped the stars
inside this medium-sized hut.
What powerful sorcery is this?
Wise Druids, I ask your guidance,
though I have no offering
of spices or cakes.
Ann, the moon's stuck again!
- I'm on it!
- Bill, you came back.
No one ever comes back.
- Hi, Carl!
- Bill, you know this Druid King?
We came here on a field trip once.
But Carl's not a Druid.
He's an astronomer.
That projector puts the stars up
on the ceiling
and we sit back and love it up.
Mighty astro-gnomes, show me my fate
on the under-sky
of your mystical star barn!
What does he want?
I must know my destiny
for Ms. Gillian's school labor.
[bites apple, spits]
So, you want the stars
to tell you your future, huh?
Maybe they'll fill you with fear
and break your spirit!
That's actually a solid idea.
Ah! Looking Up:
A Guide to Sky Magic.
The Rainy Dayclops?
Not ominous enough.
Failconis the Falcon of Failure?
Too beaky.
Gassius the Lunch Pig?
[groans]
Stars are so lame.
Ah, the Moon Bear of No Tomorrow.
This'll terrify the barbarian mongrel.
He'll drop my toe like it's hot lava.
Now, to move the very stars themselves!
[thunder cracks]
[grunting]
Bill, I cannot read your star shapes.
They make no sense.
Stars don't really tell you your destiny.
They're just stars.
You'll have to choose
your own answer for Ms. G.
Hey, do you guys want to see
the laser show?
[upbeat music plays]
Ow, ow! Oh!
That always happens.
Ah, keep it, Bill. I've got tons.
-[pounding]
-Anyone else hear that?
Come on!
[gasps]
- Bill, I have seen enough.
- Great. [chuckles]
- Thanks, Carl.
- Come back soon.
[snores]
[Fangbone] Bill. Bill.
Your bed floats in lava, Bill.
[gasps]
[yells]
Ah, good, you were not consumed
by the lava.
How did I get there? You put me there.
Why did you put me there?
You must learn to survive if you are to be
the sole protector of Drool's toe.
What? What are you talking about?
I have seen the Moon Bear of No Tomorrow.
What are you talking about?
When the Moon Bear of No Tomorrow
appears to a barbarian,
they must set aside their burdens
and meet him in the wilderness.
- That could mean anything.
- No. The bear eats you.
I did not expect this omen
until I was at least 13.
[sizzling]
Hold on. You see a bear shape on a ceiling
so now you're gonna give me the toe
and wander off into the woods?
To be devoured by the Bear, yes.
You must be prepared
to carry the toe alone.
To the training room!
They're just big balls of gas.
Stars aren't alive.
[shouts]
[crumbling]
The sun doesn't get chased
out of the sky by the moon.
They just go in circles.
[screams, crashes]
[pants]
And-and by-by-by the way,
humans have been to the moon.
Ha! Only Stoneback can go to the moon.
Are you Stoneback, Bill?
No. But I know the stars
don't say anything.
And even if they did,
you don't have to obey them.
I must obey my destiny,
and you must take the toe.
[sniffs] And put out your sock fire.
[screams]
[laughs]
Yes, Fangbone, leave my toe with Bill
who sets his feet on fire
and can barely do, like, one chin-up.
I've basically already won.
Ooh, I might even make popcorn.
In fact, I need to.
You have to listen to reason.
Or science. Or common sense!
I do not! I am a barbarian.
[sighs] Then maybe you'll listen to them.
[all yawning]
If you are trying to stop me,
I outnumber you one to six.
I called everyone so they can tell you
how they chose what they want
their future to be.
I'm going to be a glitterologist
and make the brightest sparkles ever!
They'd make a rainbow
if it wasn't three in the morning.
I want to be tall. So I'll work on stuff
that's tall like tall buildings.
I'll get to see the tops
of everyone's heads. I think it's cool.
- Completely free!
- We get it. Next!
I wanna be so over this, okay?
Like, so over it.
So... [scoffs] I'm over it.
See? We all chose what we want
our future to be, and so can you.
Now we're choosing to go home to bed.
I am sorry, Bill.
Even if you do not understand,
I must walk my path.
You will find yours.
But I thought my path
was to protect the toe with you.
I don't want to do it by myself.
I'm kinda scared.
But you are brave. And you will not quit.
Often, that is enough.
Farewell, Bill. We are battle brothers.
Always.
Bye, Fangbone.
[crunches]
[voice breaks] Don't go, Fangbone.
Bill, you can't let him leave like that.
[spits] What am I saying?
Ow!
There! Mad again!
Yes! Now let's get back my toe!
Wow, it really looks like a bear.
[roars]
[crashing]
Okay, maybe just unplug it.
Have you still nothing for me,
Sky-of-Earth?
-[roaring]
-Moon Bear!
You are eager to face Fangbone
of the Mighty Lizard Clan.
I will not slide down your throat
so easily!
-[roars]
-Huh? But, but...
I obeyed the omen.
Why do you attack my village?
Moon Bear, if you do not follow
your destiny, then neither will I!
I'm sorry, I didn't think you were real.
Whoa!
-Ah!
-[roars]
- Fangbone isn't here.
- Yes, he is!
[shouts]
It seems light cannot be fought.
[gasps] We can!
We just need a stronger light.
-[yells]
-[roars]
Victory!
- This tiny light-sword is too tiny.
- We have to outshine it.
- Make it follow us.
- That will not be difficult.
[grunts]
Bill, wherever we are going,
- I would like to be there now.
- Over here!
-Uh, Bill?
-[roars]
Eat photons, light-bear!
[roaring]
[shouts]
Yes!
I knew they could do it!
I knew it, I knew it.
Wait, what? No, no, no, no.
No!
I am sorry, Bill.
I see now that it is foolish
to follow a destiny one cannot see.
From now on, I will choose my own.
And I choose to keep the toe
safe with you.
Battle brothers forever.
We still need to pick something
for Ms. Gillian's assignment.
Hmm.
And that is why, when I grow larger,
I will still be Bill's friend.
And I'll still be his.
[all cheer]
I liked the bear made of stars,
even if the laser pointer
was a little convenient.
But you didn't really complete
the assignment.
So, I'll have to give you an--
Astronomers!
We want to be astronomers.
Yes, as astro-gnomes, we will crush
light pollution under our heels
and once again reveal your stars of night!
Good enough for me.
[crackling]
Okay, guys. The projector is magic.
We should probably put on robes
and start chanting.
Futurum in stellis.
[all chant] Futurum in stellis.
Futurum in stellis.
[shouts]
[roars]
[shrieks]
[grunts]
-[shrieking]
-[grunts]
-Whoa!
-[Bill] Fangbone!
[creature whimpers]
Drool really wants his toe back.
This week was a trial.
But together, we snatched victory
from the toothy jaws
of many, many monsters.
We need a break.
Yes, let us break the bones
of even greater monsters!
[groans]
Skullbanians find peace after a fight
by immediately starting
another larger fight.
Well, here, we find peace
by doing fun stuff.
Show me this "fun stuff".
[Fangbone grunts]
This place is chaos incarnate.
Evil could be anywhere.
[shrieks, laughter]
Bill, that mechanical beast
has stolen children!
Why does no one save them?
Fangbone, that's the fun
I was talking about.
I do not know, Bill.
What if the toe is stolen
while I am having this "fun"?
Trust me.
No one here wants that gross stinky toe.
-[shouts]
-[blade rings]
It was a guy in a suit, Fangbone!
The only time a man
should be inside a beast
is when he has failed to eat it first.
Well, now we're banned for life.
I am sorry, Bill,
but because of my vow to protect the toe,
it seems fun cannot be had.
Unless I carry it.
It's only fair that I keep the toe safe
sometimes too.
Bill, I do not wish to offend,
but keeping the toe safe
demands constant vigilance.
- And you are easily distracted.
- Oh, right.
Let me carry the toe for the afternoon
and I'll show you how
we really have fun here on Earth.
- You can trust me, Fangbone.
- I...
I trust you, Bill.
Oh! Ooh, ooh...
[giggles]
Starting now.
- Ready?
- I am not sure, Bill--
Great! Let's have some fun!
[Fangbone shouts]
[belches]
Bill, something has happened to my face!
That's a smile. You're having fun.
-Whoa!
-Fun?
Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
Yes! I will have all the fun!
That was very satisfying.
See? All you had to do was relax
about the toe for a while.
Thank you, Bill. I am refreshed,
and ready to carry
my burden once again.
Enjoy your frivolous amusements,
Fangbone and Bill,
for soon your ironclad grip on my toe
will be shattered
by this extremely long
and complicated plan.
I even pulled an all-nighter to make sure
I got the likenesses perfect and--
[Bill] I lost the toe!
- What?!
- What?!
Bill, how could you lose the toe?
It was the only task you were tasked with!
We must have left it somewhere
on our super fun tour.
New plan. It's go time!
[whoops]
Whoo-whoo!
Speed on your spiky wheels,
my Warwagon,
and fetch my toe!
[growls]
Okay, we just need to retrace our steps
and we'll find the toe.
Your fun has clouded my mind!
We did so much stuff
I can't remember, either.
I'm sorry, Fangbone. I'm such a--
[gasps] Foot clue! It's a receipt
from the Mallhalla Mega Plaza.
We bought Icy Slurps.
[Warwagon shouts]
[laughs evilly]
- What the--
- Oh, yeah!
That wheeled menace
is one of Drool's Warwagons,
a magical golem of great velocity
and smelly exhaust.
[Wagon singing]
- If it finds the toe before us--
- It won't.
[shouting]
Gladiator supplies? A feasting hall?
Clothing for gnomes?
-This place has everything.
- [Wagon shouts]
I know we're here for my toe.
I'm just browsing.
We need to slow it down
or it'll find the toe first.
There! I can make the floor
extra slippery.
- I will do so.
- But--
I said I will do so. Now!
[tires screech]
[Wagon shouts]
[gurgles]
[Bill] It's not at the Icy Slurp shop!
- [Fangbone] We must search harder.
- [Bill] I don't think the toe's here.
- [Fangbone] Then where is it?
- I don't--
[gasps] H.R. McBouncealot's
Skytouchers Incorporated!
Bill, I do not speak
whatever language that was.
We went to the trampoline park.
The toe must have bounced out of my bag.
-[Wagon shouts]
-[Bill and Fangbone shout]
Show me the trampoline park.
I'm sorry,
I can't find the tambourine shark.
I said trampoline park,
you idiotic slime puddle!
Did you say "grime cuddle"?
No! I didn't say--! [groans]
I'll find it myself!
-[Fangbone grunts]
-[blade rings]
- Fangbone, you can't just break in.
- I will be very careful.
The toe has to be here.
Search with all your might, Bill!
-It's not here!
-[Wagon shouts]
Even magical evil toes cannot vanish!
Hey, what's that?
-[chomping]
-Uh, Bill, this is awkward.
Honey-watermelon mustard!
We went to Weinerdogs!
My ink-blackened fingers betray that
we also patronized the merchant of comics.
We need to split up.
Bill, you have already lost the toe once.
I know, and maybe never trust me
with it again,
but right now, this is how we beat Drool.
I will search the illuminated bookseller.
I'll check Weinerdogs.
[Wagon shouts]
Fangbone, we'll find it.
[grumbles]
Follow that barbarian.
No, wait, the human child is smarter.
Pursue him.
Ah! But Fangbone is unnaturally lucky.
Bill has shown strange intelligence.
[Wagon shouts]
How dare you? I will decide!
And yes, I do decide Bill!
Follow that human whelpling!
[pants]
-[bell dings]
-[panting]
- Have you seen the toe?
- No, no, only my own. Only my own.
That means...
-[Bill yells]
-[Wagon shouts]
[Bill] Hot dog, hot dog, hot dog.
Hot dog!
This is the worst possible place
to lose a toe!
Listen to me, Bill.
I saw your barbarian playmate find bupkis!
So where is my toe?
Ah! Even if I knew, I'd never tell you.
- Fine.
- Fine?
Yup, no biggie. We're good.
- Really?
- Really.
But if you don't know
where you lost my toe,
there's no reason why my Warwagon
shouldn't feast upon your tasty bones!
[shouting]
- Did you find the--
-No. I'm sorry, Fangbone.
You two are unbelievable!
I'll find it myself.
Now just get devoured already!
I may have failed to protect the toe,
but I will ride your beast-wagon
howling into the nightlands!
Ahh!
- Fangbone, do you trust me?
- [sighs] I...
Aren't you two adorable?
Eat them like crunchy candy!
[shouts]
Now!
[Wagon screams]
No! I'm still making payments!
I knew I should've sent the convertible!
Drool does not get his toe today.
[sighs] Regrettably, neither do we.
[shouts]
[sirens]
Someone's gotta find it. I hope.
I didn't mean for this to happen.
I just wanted you to have a little fun.
I know, Bill. But this is why
fun is something I can never have,
and why I cannot trust you
or anyone else with the toe ever again.
- Bill Goodwin?
- Yes.
[gasps]
But-- But how?
- Who sent you this chest of hard paper?
- Well, it's from...
Me? Oh...
I was worried I'd lose it
or spill the beans to Drool
so I made sure I was super distracted
and mailed it to myself.
Bill, only you could craft a plan
so ingenious you fooled even yourself.
You have well-earned the right
to carry the toe.
And now, we shall have fun
the barbarian way.
[screaming]
Yes!
We could've gone back
to the trampoline park.
You liked the trampoline park.
[screams]