Family Guy (1998–…): Season 6, Episode 10 - Play It Again, Brian - full transcript

Lois,...

My...

I'm...

They...

Wow...

Meg, please,
I'm talking.

Over a thousand people entered
the contest and they chose mine.

Well, that's
wonderful, Brian.

Yeah, that's
a great achievement.

Just like the first
chemotherapy patient

to figure out
the handkerchief look.



Honey, get in here!

What is it?

Just... just get in here!

What...?

Oh, my God.

Right.

It's like you...

Don't even have cancer!

- I know.
- Oh, my God.

No, but I still have
pretty aggressive cancer.

Come on, Peter.

We're gonna be late for lunch
with Mom and Dad.

Oh. Right.

You didn't forget,
did you?



No, no, I didn't forget.

Let me just go change
out of this fishing gear.

Hey, Peter, what's up?

Come on, come on,
we got to go now.

We got to go now.
Come on, Joe! Joe! Quagmire!

Come on.
Go, go, go, go, go!

Pull the car around.
Come on, let's go.

Hello?

Lois, this is Peter.

I'm afraid that on my way
to the bedroom to change,

I took ill.

You'd best go to lunch
without me.

Why do I hear an engine?

Uh... because my stomach
is rumbling in a way

that sounds like the engine
of Joe's fishing truck.

Peter, are you lying?

Oh, now she's a doctor, guys.

Hey, Lois!

Quagmire says hi.

Damn it, Peter, you're going
fishing, aren't you?

You promised you'd come to lunch
with my parents today.

Well, Lois, until we get
an appointment secretary,

things like this are gonna continue
to fall through the cracks.

My parents are not gonna
like this, Peter.

You know they're still angry at
how you behaved at our wedding.

You may now kiss the bride,
Kiss her?

I am gonna
destroy her.

Mom, are you still mad
at Dad about yesterday?

Well, sort of.

I mean, we planned that
lunch two weeks ago.

But he promised
he'd go with me

to put flowers on my
grandmother's grave

this afternoon, so i guess it's all right.

Peter, are you ready...?

Oh. Right.

So, uh, a lot of tension
with Peter lately, huh?

Ugh, that's an
understatement, Brian.

He's been incredibly
thoughtless lately.

Even more so than usual.

But tonight
is our sex night,

and a little physical release
will do us both some good.

Peter, are you...?
Oh, come on!

Lois, I know it's late, but me and
the guys were going beekeeping.

Oh, my God, what the
hell is wrong with you?!

Whoa, someone just
yelled themselves

out of honey with breakfast.

I don't need honey, Peter,
I need a husband who wants

to spend time with me.

Can I make a suggestion?

All you two have done
is argue about stuff

for the past two weeks.

It's my guess you could
use a vacation.

Why don't you come out
to Martha's Vineyard

and watch me accept my award.

Wow, does that
sound wonderful.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
that sounds expensive.

Can't we just do something
fun here at the house?

It's just as relaxing.

Hey, guys, I've decided
I'm gonna take up the drums.

I'll start packing.

Look, Quagmire, we're only gonna
be on Martha's Vineyard for a couple days.

Can't you just watch the kids?

Aw, man, you're more of a
letdown than Fruit Stripe gum.

What are we gonna do, Lois?

re out of town.

Well, what about Cleveland?

He's on the road touring
with Black Box.

Everybody, everybody
Everybody, everybody

Well, wait a minute,
what about that

nice old man who
lives up the street?

Oh, yeah, maybe Herbert
could watch the kids.

He seems like a responsible guy.

So it would only be till Monday
and we could pay you for it.

Yeah, and it's real easy,
I promise.

I mean, you've spent time
watching children, right?

Uh, yes, sir.
Yes, I have.

Wonderful.

Brian, this is wonderful.

I feel like one
of the Kennedys.

You know, the overprivileged
drunk ones,

not the socially responsible dead ones.

You know, this resort offers
some wonderful amenities.

They have bird watching, wine
tasting, horseback riding.

Yeah, they also have
stork startling.

Squawkety, squawkety, squawkety,
squawkety, squawkety, squawkety!

Your bird intelligence is no match
for my people intelligence.

All right, children,
your mammy and pappy

asked me to look after you
for the next couple days.

So I want to lay down
a few ground rules.

No cussing,
clean your plates,

and only a half hour of radio
and then it's off to bed.

Well, that sucks.

And don't you mouth off to me

or I'm gonna slap you
right in your penis.

No offense, Mr. Herbert,
but I'm a 17-year-old girl

and I don't need you here.

Well, no offense
to you, Meg,

but you're a 17-year-old girl
and I don't need you here.

What do you think's
keeping Peter?

I hope he gets here before
they give you your award.

Well, you're here, Lois.

That's enough for me.

Oh, you always know
just what to say.

And now, reading a passage
from his grand prize-winning

short essay, "Amazing Grace,"
tonight's guest of honor,

Mr. Brian Griffin.

Thank you very much.

"She was grace in name
and in essence.

"To those she loved,
she exuded strength,

"life, laughter and light.

"And to me, also sorrow.

"For circumstance had bound her
to my best friend,

"through whom we met in the
warmth and serenity of her home.

"Nothing from the first day
I saw her

"and no one that has
happened to me since

"has ever been as frightening
and as confusing.

"For no person I've ever known
has ever done more

"to make me feel more sure,
more insecure,

more important
and less significant. "

That was beautiful,
Brian.

Well, you know
what they say-

write what's
in your heart.

Hey, oh!

Oh, did-did I miss
Byron's reward?

Brian's award.

And, yes, you did, Peter.

You've been
a good son, Brian.

And I'm sorry
you're so sick.

What?

Peter, where the hell
have you been?

Every time that
we go to a hotel,

you hide the key to
the minibar from me.

But I found it.

Found it.

You're a piece of
work, you know that?

An hour late
and you're drunk.

You had an opportunity to share
a beautiful moment with Brian

and you wasted it, wasted it like
the Osmond family wastes water.

Who's in the shower?
Is it Donny?

No, I showered earlier.
It could be Meryl.

Meryl's right here.

Well, where's Jimmy?

Jimmy's running through
the sprinklers in the yard.

Is it Marie?

No, no one's in there.

So the shower's just running
with no one in there?

That's right.

Well, I'll be
a son of a gun.

Hey.
Good morning.

Oh, good morning, Brian.

Ooh, that's a lovely
fragrance you're wearing.

What is it?

Oh, this?

This is Hartz-Mountain
flea dip.

Kills ticks, fleas,
and mosquitoes.

It's very potent.

Almost as potent as
the inspiration you give me

to plumb the deepest
fathoms of my soul

for a literary bounty
of truth and loveliness.

Aah! That's
so much better.

Ah, morning, Lois.

I'm sorry about
last night.

I promise I'll
make it up to you.

Well, if you really
mean that,

I was hoping we could go
paddle boating today.

Great, but can we
do it after 5:00?

There's a ballgame on.

Oh, well, then, maybe
Brian and I can hang out.

Do you mind, Brian?

No, not at all.

Good, now can you move, please?
You're blocking the screen.

We now return to

Damn, Nature, You Scary
on BET.

Damn, look at that
son-bitch go.

He hauling ass.

That thing come by my house,
I kill it.

That little rat looking thing
just got ate.

Damn, Nature, you scary!

Y'all know
what day it is?

No.

It's bath day.

I don't want to take a bath.

Not for you, silly.
It's bath day forme.

But I can't wash myself.

Know anybody with a pair
of strong, young hands

to help me in and
out of the tub?

Aw, rats!

Oh, I had so much
fun today, Brian.

So did I.

Hey, you feel like
grabbing something to eat?

Oh, I'd love to,
but Peter and I

were gonna get dinner at
that little place by the...

Lois...

Went to...

Well... looks
like lamfree.

Hey, you know
what might be fun?

How about we just
order room service

and watch a couple
of bad movies?

Yeah, that does
sound like fun.

I'll go rentVanilla Sky.

I said a bad movie,
not an abortion.

Ah, this is gonna be great-
a whole evening with Lois!

We are gonna have
such a fun time.

Lois, my darling!

Couple of steaks, some wine,
maybe a couple of sundaes...

Lois, my darling!

...little music,
some candlelight.

Lois, my darling!

What am I doing?
This is Lois, Peter's wife.

H- How can I even think
about trying anything?

Hello?

Hey, Brian, it's me.
I got a question for you.

Herbert and I
are playing Scattergories.

Would you count Nyquil
as a beverage?

- No, right?
- No.

Yeah, not gonna fly, old man.
Thanks, Brian.

Damn it! I'm missing
Boy Meets Worldfor this?

This is so much fun, Brian.

Well, it's a
Saturday night-

sorry the video store
pickings were a little sparse.

Hope you like
Roman Holiday.

Tee-hee! I lied.

I was a princess
the whole time.

You bitch!

I'm gonna punch you
in the face!

Ah, that was
a lovely dinner.

I saved all my scraps
in a bag for you.

Thanks. You know, Lois,
I'm sure you've already

figured this out, but...

that essay I wrote-
I wrote it about you.

Aw... I had a hunch.
Thank you, Brian.

I'm glad you
shared that with me.

Well, you know, Lois,
you mean a lot to me.

I mean, things you say
and things you do

resonate with me
in a big way.

When you drive away
to go to the market,

I just don't know what
to do with myself.

And then when
I hear that car

coming up the driveway,
I just go berserk.

I mean, you know, half the time, when
you go to the market,

I just assume you're
leaving forever, and when you get back,

I realize I have no idea
how long you've been gone, and I...

Well, you know what,
I'm-I'm rambling. I...

Would you like
some more champagne?

I'd love some.

Ah! My head is swimming.

Oh, my God!
Brian, no!

Now, stop it!

What are you doing?!

I can't help myself, Lois!

I know you're married to
Peter, but I love you and

I can't stand it anymore!

Brian, no!

No! Get down! Get down!

This is a good sweater!

Brian, I think
you'd better go.

Lois, I'd really like
to talk about this.

No! Stop scratching
the door!

Oh, my God, I attacked Lois!

What the hell was I thinking?
I'm a rapist!

I'm-I'm no better than...

Kobe Bryant or Mike Tyson
or Reagan!

Hey, Brian, another
Scattergories question.

The category is "Type of Pet. "
Herbert put "Cambodian. "

That's not right, right?

Look, Stewie, I can't talk
about this now, all right?

Geez, what's
yourproblem?

I- I just...

I did a bad thing,
and I don't know what to do about it.

I feel like
I'm losing my mind.

Ugh! That's howlfelt at
that Grateful Dead show.

Does anybody want
to buy my shirt?!

I'll trade you my shirt
for a grilled cheese!

So, what happened, sport?

Come on, talk to
your pal, Stewie.

All right, but only because

I've got to tell somebody.

I- I pretty much just
threw myself at Lois.

So, you finally
did it, huh?

Well, look, Brian,
as your friend,

I- I should tell you

that that vagina is ground zero, man.

I mean, I-I just...

I wrecked that thing
on the way out.

And just to be a jerk,

I carved "Brooks was here" in the wall.

Did-did you see that?

Did you see
"Brooks was here"?

We didn't have sex.

'Course, what with
Chris going before me,

I pretty much just
walked out of there.

Didn't even have
to stoop over.

There was even room to

twirl a cane as I strolled.

You're exaggerating.

Only a little bit-
that's the messed-up thing.

Morning, Lois.

Peter, there you are.

Were you down at that hotel bar
all night again?

I was, Lois- and you know
who's staying at this hotel?

Nathan Lane!

We got wasted at the bar,
and he ended up

asking me to marry him.

So I convinced this
minister to do the job,

but the joke's on Nathan Lane,

'cause gay people
can't get married!

They can in this
state, Peter.

Well, in that case,
we're registered at Filene's.

God, you've spent half
this entire trip intoxicated!

Oh, I'm intoxicated
all right, Lois-

by the beauty and magic

of Martha's Vineyard.

Nantucket, Cape Cod,

and all the great destinations

that make Massachusetts

the wondrous place it is.

The spirit of Massachusetts

is the spirit of America

The spirit of what's old

and what's new

The spirit of Massachusetts

is the spirit of America

The spirit
of the red, white and blue.

I am so glad Brian

brought us out here, Lois.

He's a real pal,
you know that?

Well, it's actually Brian

I need to talk to you about.

Boy, he's a hell
of a guy, isn't he?

He's the one guy
I know I can trust.

Brian tried
to have sex with me.

Was he bigger than me?

"... and they told Peter

to stay away from the wolf.

But he didn't
listen to them... "

'cause he's his own man.

And he knew that sometimes
the things that seem

the most dangerous turn out

to be the most fun!

Yes, sir, it was a good day

for young Peter.

Are you a pedophile?

Hey, uh...

Lois told me there was

some funny business.

Yeah, what of it?

Well, it's just...

I can't help but feel
a little betrayed, Brian.

Lois is my wife,
and... well, I mean,

all the dry food I've bought

for you over the years?

Yeah, well, you don't
deserve her, you know that?

Say what, now?

You don't deserve her.

She does nothing
but give and give and give,

and you repay her

with selfishness and neglect.

I mean, you've barely spent

any time with her at
all on this vacation.

Well, who the hell are you to

tell me how to run my marriage?

You can't even hang on
to a girlfriend

for more than a couple months!

What the hell is that
supposed to mean?

Oh, you're a freakin' train
wreck with that crap, Brian.

You couldn't even get
Gillian to take you back,

and she was dumber
than Lou Ferrigno.

Stop it!
Stop it!

Get off my husband!

Wait a minute, Brian.

Nathan Lane is right.
What are we doing?

Look, I'm sorry, all right?

It's just... wh-when
you have feelings for someone

that are strong enough,
you just...

I don't know, lose sight
of the rest of the world.

Brian, she's my wife.

And you're my best pal.

So what are we
gonna do about this?

I promise, Peter,
nothing like this will ever happen again.

Thanks, old buddy.

Yeah, blah, blah, blah!

That's all well and good, Peter.

Now, get ready, we're having

dinner with my parents tonight!

Oh. Right.

I just feel terrible
about this whole thing, Lois.

Can you ever forgive me?

Yes, Brian, I can.

But there's something

you deserve to know.

What's that?

Well...

it's not like I haven't
thought about it.

Really?

Well,yes. I mean,
you and I have a lot in common,

and we've spent so much time

together over the years, and...

of course, that essay you wrote,
oh, it really touched my heart.

Well, to be honest, Lois,
I ripped off

most of that speech
from Summer of '42.

Well, it was still nice.

Let me just ask you this.

When these thoughts about you

and I have crossed your mind,

is it... good?

What do you mean?

Well, uh, uh...

Yeah.

Well, a lot of times when Peter and

I are having sex, I feel suffocated.

But with you, I imagine

it would be like doing it

with a stuffed animal.

Everybody ready to go?

All set, Peter.

Good.

Well, we may be leaving
Martha's Vineyard,

but the spirit
of this wonderful place

will stay in our hearts

all the way home.

'Cause after all...

The spirit of Massachusetts

is the spirit of America

The spirit of what's old

and what's new

The spirit of Massachusetts

is the spirit of America

The spirit of the red,
white and blue

The spirit of Massachusetts

is the spirit of America

The spirit of what's old

and what's new

The spirit of Massachusetts

is the spirit of America

The spirit of the red...

White...

And blue!

www. forom. it

Synch: Athana

(non cancellare ultimi due sottotitoli. Grazie ^^)