Fame (1982–1987): Season 1, Episode 10 - Come One, Come All - full transcript

Montgomery's mother, a famous movie star, has agreed to direct the school variety show. The only problem is she wants to use it to showcase herself.

Presenting "A
Fable for Parents."

♪♪ [Disco]

The show has got
to have a theme.

♪♪ [Jazz Drums]

- Something different.
- ♪♪ [Drums]

- Something new.
- ♪♪ [Jazz]

Consider yourself
out of the show.

We'll wear straw hats and
red-and-white blazers. Will that help?


♪♪ [Disco]

♪ Fame ♪
♪ I'm gonna live forever ♪

♪ I'm gonna learn how to fly ♪
♪ High ♪

♪ I feel it comin' together ♪

♪ People will see me and cry ♪
♪ Fame ♪

♪ I'm gonna make it to heaven ♪

♪ Light up the
sky like a flame ♪

♪ Fame ♪
♪ I'm gonna live forever ♪

♪ Baby, remember my name ♪
♪ Remember, remember ♪

♪ Remember, remember ♪

You got big dreams.

You want fame.

Well, fame costs,

and right here is where
you start paying in sweat.

♪ Fame ♪
♪ I'm gonna live forever ♪

♪ Baby, remember my name ♪
♪ Remember, remember ♪

♪ Remember, remember ♪

♪ Fame ♪♪

♪♪ [Drums, Handclaps] Let's go!

[Student] Whoo!

[Students] Whoa!

[Shouting, Whooping]

[Bell Rings] Oh, man!

I was just getting ready
to get under this thing.

[Students] Aw! Oh,
y'all stop that. Stop that.

I am the spaghetti man.

Oh... You weren't doing nothin'.


You don't have class in
here next period, do you?

[Lydia] No.

Go on, you all.
Get on out of here.

♪♪ [Classical Brass]

[Screams] ♪♪ [Ends]

Good morning, Elizabeth.

And how are we
this morning, dear?

Greg Crandall is in traction.

Oh, no. His back
again? That's terrible.

He'll be in traction
for two or three weeks.

Oh, poor Greg.

I feel so sorry for him.
Do not feel sorry for Greg.

- Feel sorry for us.
- Why?

Greg is in charge... was in
charge... of Parents' Night, right?

Right. He ran the auditions.

He made the selections. The whole
thing was his idea, his baby, right?

Right. So you just
take over for him. No!

We take over for him.

Oh, Elizabeth, I'm right in the
middle of student evaluations.

I don't have time.
Here are his notes.


Sweetheart, I don't
read shorthand. I do...

But I can't read that.

This isn't shorthand as
the civilized world knows it.

It's a code that Greg made up when
he was stage managing on Broadway.

Okay, so we call the
hospital... Already called them.

The nurses' station warned
me that he was heavily sedated...

with muscle
relaxants for his back.

When he came on the line, it took me
three tries before he remembered who I was.

He doesn't remember who he
selected and who he rejected.

I asked him if he'd done
anything about a celebrity guest.

He said he had that covered.

- Good. Who did he get?
- He's been in touch
with Spencer Tracy.

[Laughs] "Spence" was
delighted by the invitation...

and promised to be there.

- Ooh, Greg is really
flying high.
- And we are in deep trouble.

Deep trouble.
Mm-mmm. Not we. You.

Uh-uh. Not me. Us.

♪♪ [Resumes]

[Both Screaming]

Hey, Dad, I got some stuff to
get in my locker for first period.

So go. I can handle myself.

I already see the man I
need to talk to anyway.

Uh, Mr. Shorofsky? I'm
Angelo Martelli, Bruno's father.

Of course, Mr. Martelli. I
remember you very well.

Well, I wasn't sure. You
meet so many parents.

There are many parents. Only one Angelo
Martelli. What can I do for you, sir?

Well, it's this Parents' Night
thing. I have to work that night.

I'm trying to switch off...

with some of the guys at
the garage, but it's pretty hard.

Two weeks' notice, you can't
find someone to take your place?

Perez and Goldman. These are two
of the coworkers that won't cooperate?

No. They're two middleweight fighters who
are fighting for the championship that night,

and nobody who's
off wants to miss it.

That's why I can't get
anybody to take my shift.

You don't want me to drive
for you, I hope. No, no, no.

I just want your
okay so I can come...

to the dress rehearsal
the night before, that's all.

Mr. Martelli, you have my
blessing, but it doesn't mean a thing.

The operation has been
willed to Miss Sherwood.

I suggest you leave a note
in her box. Okay. Thanks a lot.

Oh, hi, Mr. Shorofsky.

Hi, Mr. Martelli.
Hi, sweetheart.

Aren't you in the classroom
like everyone else?

I'm room monitor first period.
You know, I run errands. Mrs. Berg?

Miss Sherwood said that
you have the S.A.T. reports?

The S.A.T. reports?

Yes. She said you
knew where they were.

You know, the ones
that came in last Friday.


Could you help me?

Y... Oh, yes. Uh, just a minute.

It's driving me crazy.
Where did we meet?

I don't believe we've
ever met. Yes, we have.

I have a memory for faces you wouldn't
believe. It's names I have trouble with.

- Was it a P.T.A. thing here?
- No, it was not a P.T.A. thing.

It was at one of
the shows here? No.

You might have seen
me on the screen.

You mean, like,
you're an actress? Yes.

I hardly go to the movies. I
mainly watch movies on the...

I mainly watch
movies on the tube,

and you were in Good
News, weren't you? Yes.

You did the varsity drag.

Yes. You're June Allyson?

No! You're Melinda MacNeil.
You're Montgomery's mom.

Well, it's not the best
billing I've ever had,

but factual. He's
gonna flip out.

He's in my English
class right now.

I hope you weren't put out
that I didn't know your name.

Oh, no, that's all right. I
didn't know yours either.

[Laughs] [Chuckles]

Thank you, Julie.

Five minutes, people.


[Both Mouthing Words]

And Montgomery doesn't
know you're our celebrity guest?

[Chuckles] When
Mr. Crandall wrote me,

I thought it might be a nice
surprise for Montgomery,

as well as a change
of pace for me.

Well, a change of pace
it will be, that's for sure.

You didn't have to put off starting a
picture or anything in order to come?

Oh, Miss Grant, my son is
more important than any picture,

and besides, I've always wanted
to see some show he was doing.

Mmm. Well, it'll be a far cry from
the kind of shows you're used to doing.

- I know. It's school.
- Well, no, we usually put on
exciting, good work.

It's just that, well, when
Mr. Crandall's back went out,

a lot of our preparation
went out too, so...

I just don't want you to
think we're so disorganized.

Miss Grant, I'm
gonna love the show...

Just because my
son is part of it.

Please, consider me
just another parent.

Well, you're not. [Chuckles]

You know, I've
always admired you,

and I don't want us
to look bad to you.

Oh, if there's anything
I can do to help...


Well, actually, there is.

I mean...

You know, do you
think you could...

Maybe you could... [Laughs]

It's been a while, but I
used to be pretty good...

at putting things
like this on its feet.

Then you think maybe
you might, uh... [Laughs]

- Take over for Mr. Crandall?
- Crandall. Yeah.

Well, uh, all right. I will.

Oh, Miss MacNeil, if you're really
serious, oh, we'd be tickled pink.

I sound like Julie Eisenhower.

[Laughing] I mean,

we'd love to have you
take over our show. Okay.

[Bell Ringing] Oh. I've got
a class to teach right now,

but if we could get
together in about an hour,

over lunch in the cafeteria...

I'll find it.

This is going to be great.

Congratulations. What for?

Julie said your mom was
here. That's what she says.

She said? Haven't you checked
to find out? Haven't you seen her?

I'll run into her
sooner or later.

Well, considering that it's lunch and
everybody is headed in that direction,

have you considered the possibility
that she might be in the cafeteria?

Look, I'll run into her
when I run into her.

- You're not being fair.
- Look, you don't know
what the history is,

so stop telling me who's being
fair and who's being unfair.

I think I know my mother
a little bit better than you.

You think I'm talking
about your mother? Yeah.

- I'm not talking about her. You're being unfair to me.
- How am I being unfair to you?

Montgomery, the closest I have
ever gotten to a star in my life...

is when Jan Pierce sang "The Bluebird
of Happiness" at my Aunt Lillian's wedding,

and now I have the opportunity
to meet an actual star in person...

who is on the premises,
and I have someone...

to pave the way with
an introduction... you.

I'm asking you for a favor. If you
want to turn me down, turn me down.

But I think you ought
to consider it practice,

'cause a lot of people
are gonna be asking.

Why me?

I am famished.
That's a statement...

only a first-time
visitor could make here.

The food is not
gourmet-style, I'm afraid.

Well, that's all to the good.
Maybe I'll drop a pound or two.

I always say you can't
be too rich or too thin.

Haven't you seen Montgomery yet?

Oh, I didn't know where
to find him until now.

Excuse me.

Oh, you've gained weight.

Actually, I haven't.
You look fine.

Actually, I've gained weight.

I guess that shows how
often we see each other.

I wanted to surprise you.

You certainly accomplished that.
How long you gonna be here for?

Couple of weeks.

You're kidding. Young man, you
are looking at the guest celebrity...

- and director
of Parents' Night show.
- Terrific.

- I'm in charge.
- What about your new picture?

It's more important that I
see you and all of your friends.

Now tell me.

- What are you going
to be doing in the show?
- Stagehand.


Mr. Shorofsky, guess who's
directing Parents' Night.

I don't know.

Take a look.

I bet you don't
know who that is.

That's Melinda MacNeil.

It certainly is.

Years ago she toured
with a nightclub act.

She came to a place
where I was working nights,

and I was her
accompanist for two weeks.

The Commodore Perry
Hotel, Toledo, Ohio.

I spent a number of
nights with her in her room.

We had a very pleasant
time. Who's got the salt?

Look, now, he goes on and
on about all of you in his letters.

I know you better
than you know yourself.

Mom... Well, I
do. I'll prove it.

Which one of you is Mr. Johnson?

- That's me.
- You're the dancer.

- It's my life.
- I can tell.

The way you're coiled there.

That's a dancer's body.

That means... You
must be Mr. Martelli.

If you say so.

Tell me.

Have you managed to
overcome some of your problems?

What problems?

Montgomery's written to me
about your drinking problem,

about your father's tie-in
with organized crime,

and about your...

confusion over your
sexual preference.


[Snickers, Laughter]

She's good, Montgomery.
She's really good.

Yeah, well, uh...

I'll let you guys get
to know each other.

I've got some reading
to do in the library.

Oh, I'll be in the school
office after school.

We'll arrange something
for dinner. Sure thing.

Okay. I'm gonna go
and tackle the food line.

- Anybody volunteer as guide?
- Yeah.

- Sure.
- I hear the food is
really pretty treacherous.

Put that book back, mister.
There are women dressing in here.

Followed me up here?
Sexual harassment. Sue me.

Why'd you follow me?

Curious. About what?

About why somebody'd
be so bummed out...

about having a mother who's
witty and talented, funny and bright.

There are worse curses
than that, you know.

Ever see Citizen Kane?

Yeah. More than once?

Three times. Why not four?

I don't know. After a while...

You know what Rosebud is. You know the
twists and turns. You know what's coming.


Same thing with
me and my mother.

I've seen the act before.

I know what's coming. I
know how it's gonna end up.

Why an act?

Why not just
someone being nice...

to people her kid
hangs out with?

She was just being
nice. Why not that?

Because I've seen
her do it with...

agents, lawyers,


You name it.

I've seen it enough times I
know how it's gonna end up. How?

It'll end up with her
center stage in a spotlight,

and the rest of the world
watching from the wings.

I've been in those
wings all my life.

I hate it.

♪♪ [Disco]

♪♪ [Ends]

Whoo! Leroy! All right, fellas.

Leroy, that was
terrific. That was great.

Yeah, I know. [Laughs]

- [Laughs]
- Well, what do you think?

Oh, that was really nice.



Well, does doing really
nice get me in the show?

I have to discuss that with
Miss Grant. We'll let you know.

I've been called fierce. I've
been called bad. Fantastic.

Really nice.

Leroy the kid,
really nice. [Scoffs]


You don't think Leroy is good
enough to be in the show?

Oh, I think he's terrific at
doing that kind of dance.

But I wanted to ask
you, how versatile is he?

Leroy can handle
anything I throw at him.

Then you don't
think the '20s motif...

will give him too much to
cope with? What '20s motif?

Miss Grant,

the show has got to have
a theme. Well, it has one.

We're showing the parents what
we're doing here. That's the theme.

Oh, that's not a theme.

The dance must come
out of something...

An idea, a concept.

Well, the concept is, we're showing
the parents what the kids do best.

It's my guess that the kids
are showing their parents...

what they think they do best.

I think they need to
do something different...

Something new.

Something new?
Like the Charleston?

Look, let's not split
hairs. We could do both.

We could do both... we could
show the old and the new.

Why don't we do an
evolution of the dance?

I have this tape.

What if we started with
an early jazz period?

Kind of, uh... ♪♪ [Jazzy Guitar]

early Lindy?

Then give it a little Jack Cole.


These kids are young.
We gotta use that.

You don't have to work so hard.

Gimme an eight.

Can't we sass it up a little?

Gimme a four.

A two.

Do you know the
Thing? Oh, that's my era.

Ha! You know, we study
the history of dance too.

Simplicity is the key.

I'm thinkin'. I got it.

I knew you'd come over to
the younger way of doing things.


- Sass.
- Class.

It might work. I'll
think about it, dear.

You do that.

Don't ask. I wasn't going to.

I've got problems of my own...

New wardrobe, new
comic scripts, new...

What's your story?

She's impossible.

I thought we came to an understanding
about working together, collaborating...

She tells me, "I'll
think about it, dear."

Oh! She is the most difficult, devious,
demanding woman I have ever met.

Takes one to know one.


Funny joke? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!


Girl, thank you. I needed
that. I needed that.

You ready for another laugh?

She came in to give me
her autograph for my mom.

She also gave me this.

It's a list of special guests she'd
like for us to invite to Parents' Night.

What? These are all agents
and producers' representatives.


Looks like our celebrity
guest is using Parents' Night...

as her own private
New York audition.

Morning. I'm looking
for the lady of the house.

I'm here to inspect
your plumbing.

Did you bring your
plumber's helper?

I asked, but he was busy.

My plumbing's fine, honey.

Hot water's hot,
and cold water's cold.

Have you thought
about getting a washer?

I think there are some
jobs a girl should do herself.

I'd be happy to replace
the washer you have now.

You wait here. I'll call him.

Call him? Washers
don't have a sex.

Well, that depends
on the temperature...

Forget it, Danny.
I can't do this.

This is the most unfunny
stuff I have ever heard.

Montgomery's mom said they
laughed at this in the old days.

Danny, they have
a rule in burlesque...

When the person who writes the
joke dies, the joke dies with him.

It's only an act of consideration
for future generations.

Was any of that funny?

Depends on how
demented you really are.

- What do you think, Leroy?
- Look, don't come to me
looking for no sympathy, man.

Montgomery's mama told me I have to
learn some dance called the Black Bottom.

Almost flattened that woman.

Danny, face it. I mean, it's
not funny, it's boring, it's tired...

And apart from that? I'm going
back to my solo singing act.

Doris, you said... I
said I'd try, and I did.

But this stuff is a lost cause.

It lays there like white rhythm.

That's because you're
not giving it a fair chance.

You're still doing the
"Plumber's Pleasure" skit, yes?

"Plumber's Pleasure" skit, yes.

Can you believe
what I just said?

Cue me.

I'll be happy to replace
the washer you have now.

You wait here. I'll call him.

You see, you won't get the
laugh unless you punctuate it.

You really have
got to give it a...


Ta-da. Gotcha.

Would any of you
other girls like to try it,

see if you can
get the hang of it?

Uh, no. Thank you.
I gotta get my books.

I gotta go too. Thank
you. Thank you.

Bruno. Yes, ma'am?

I noticed on the sheet that
your musical composition...

is entitled "Carved
Smiles." Yes?

Well, that doesn't
sound very '20s to me.

Well, it's not.

But I like it and
the dancers like it.

But it's not in the theme.

We'll wear straw hats and
red-and-white blazers. Will that help?

What would help is for
you to drop the sarcasm...

and come up with
a '20s number, or...

- Or what?
- Consider yourself
out of the show.

- My father's coming to see me.
- Your father's coming
to the show.

Whether or not he sees you...

remains to be seen.

Mom, you're going about
some of this all wrong,

if you don't mind my saying so.

No, I love being told I'm wrong.

What are you talking about?

Well, this '20s thing is
kind of getting in the way.

Said the stagehand
to the director.

Said the son to the mother.

Montgomery, I was making a joke.

Yeah, so was I. I just
didn't know it at the time.

How's your back?

I'm sorry to hear that.

No, I mean I really
am sorry to hear it.

It isn't sympathy
talking at all.

Yeah. Look, I'll
keep you posted.

Do what they tell
you to. Bye now.

Good morning. Hello.

You don't remember, do you?

- I beg your pardon?
- My feelings aren't hurt. It's been a number of years.

I don't even know
what we're talking about.

We're talking
about Toledo, Ohio.

The Commodore Perry Hotel?

Imagine: no beard,
jet-black hair,

a waistline not
quite as imposing.

Benjamin. Oh!

Those were good times,
weren't they? The best.

Oh, when I think of how
much you taught me.

If it wasn't me, it would
have been someone else.

Don't forget, you taught me too.

Oh, but you were
so patient with me.

Oh, I remember those nights
with such fond thoughts of you.

Oh, it really was
special, wasn't it?

You think we could do it again?

- How about lunch hour?
- In your classroom?

Students might come in. How
about the teachers' lounge?

The teachers' lounge it is.

But I don't want you
to show me any mercy.

I want the old
Benjamin blitzkrieg.

No promises, but
I'll do what I can.

Okay then. Don't you
disappoint me now.


Nothing brightens
the day more...

than having something
to break the tedium.

Don't you find it to be so?


The classic challenge
of penetrating defenses.

I love it!

♪♪ [Electric Guitar]

♪♪ [Stops]

The music was that
bad? No. It's not the music.

It can wait, but I can't.

Think I'm gonna have a problem.

Which means you hope
that I got a solution?

Yeah, you see, I'm bowing
out of this thing with Danny,

which kind of takes him out of the
show and leaves him in the lurch.

Unless I can... Unless
you can find a replacement?

Yeah, well, I was
thinking along those lines.

You were wondering
if, uh, I knew anybody?

The thought had crossed my mind.

And it'd be a nice
surprise for your mom.

- Not tell her, you mean.
- Yeah.

Oh, that material
is rotten, Doris.

I mean, that's why
you're asking out, isn't it?

Yeah, but now you have a
perfect excuse to change it.

You're going from a
boy-girl skit to two guys,

- so you could do anything
and justify it.
- Yeah, I suppose that's true.

We could make that number
almost anything we wanted it to be.

My mom's never seen me on stage.

You're off the hook.

Montgomery, what
are you gonna do?

Oh, I'm gonna have a little
conversation with my mom,

only I'm not gonna say a word.

♪♪ [Upbeat Piano,
Indistinct Singing]

She wants Leroy to slick
his hair back like the '20s.


Oh. I've got to try to
get through to her...

Try to make her understand the
way we run things around here.

Okay. You go talk to her.
I'll even buy you lunch.

I think she's in the
teachers' lounge.

Mr. Shorofsky.

Watch those.



Wasn't the time or the place
for any kind of conversation.

She and Mr. Shorofsky
are in there going at it.

Going at it?


Elizabeth, let's
go eat. I'm starved.

You're buying.


♪♪ [Orchestra Tuning]

Doris, have you
seen Miss MacNeil?

She's in the star's
dressing room.

We don't have a
star's dressing room.

Wrong. What we don't have
anymore is a teachers' lounge.

Wrong. There are no stars in this
school, and no star dressing room.

What we do have is a desperate
need for a teachers' lounge.

- How's Montgomery?
- He'll be here
in a few minutes.


You look... very dapper.

Great hat too.

Really? Go on.


[Danny Laughing]

Are they ready yet?

Be about five minutes or so.

You look very
nice, Miss MacNeil.

Don't you think I
need more rouge?

Just a little.

Can I talk to you while
you do that? Sure.

Have we forgotten who
we're putting this show on for?

We're putting it on for
the parents of the students.

I haven't forgotten that.

I think you have.

What you want them to do,
Miss MacNeil... Miss Grant,

these kids have got
to be able to dance...

everything a choreographer
wants them to dance.

They have to know it all.
They'll know it all, Miss MacNeil.

By the time I get finished with
them, they'll be able to dance...

with any choreographer anywhere,
but right now... for right now...

They're supposed to be showing
what they've learned so far,

and that's not burlesque skits and
step-touch, razzamatazz dance numbers.

That's not what they
do best, not right now.

It's what you do best.

I didn't have to
do this, you know...

Helping out in an amateur
production like this.

When I got a letter asking
me to be guest celebrity...

I was just trying
to do you a favor.

Is that why you invited so many
agents to come and see the show,

because you were
doing us a favor?

There wasn't any
movie, was there?

[Door Opens, Shuts]

[Danny] And now, in
honor of the occasion,

presenting "A
Fable for Parents."

♪♪ [Piano, Slow]

Once there was a lonely man...

who lived high on
top of a lonely hill.

He spent his days
looking at the horizon,

and listening to his heartbeat.

Then one day he saw a
tiny speck in the blue sky.

It grew larger and
larger as it came near,

and soon the man
saw it was a small seed.

The man quickly dug a hole,

and gently placed
the seed within it.

He watered the spot every day.

Not too much.

Not too little.

He made sure the sun
shone upon the spot.

And then he waited,

and he waited,

and he waited.

And a miracle happened...

The earth trembled
and moved aside,

and a beautiful flower appeared.

It grew and grew,

reaching toward the sky.

And one day, it
was actually as tall...

as the man who
lived on top of the hill.

And the day after that,

it was taller than he was.

And when he looked down he
saw that what had been roots...

were no longer
deep in the ground.

And when he looked up,

he saw that what
was once his flower...

Needing his care and
love and attention...

Was now a magnificent
soaring eagle,

flying free and high,

carving its own world in
clouds racing high above.

And for just a time,

the man was lonely again.

Until he realized that he
had taught a flower how to fly,

and he was content with
watching the miracle he had raised...

fly through a far-away sky,

high above his lonely mountain,

which was never as lonely again.


[Mrs. MacNeil] First
class, and bill the studio.

Any through flight tonight.

No. Tomorrow will be too late.

Then bump someone.

I can make that. I'll be there.

Just don't take off without
me. Where were you?

- I had to make a phone call.
- You always have to make
a phone call?

you've got to help me.

Help you what? Find a cab.

I have to get back to
the hotel, pick up my stuff.

The plane leaves
at 11:30. Tonight?

- You're not gonna stay
for the show?
- I can't.

The picture's going to start. I
have to get back right away.

You said that I was more
important than any picture.

Darling, you're not in the show,

so it doesn't really
matter, does it?

It matters.

Why are you so upset?

Why are you so... dense?

Whatever is bothering
you, just tell me.

What's bothering
me is that you never...

That I'm missing the show.

It's that you're
missing my life.

Darling, if there was any
way I could stay, I would.

I know. You can't catch a plane
tomorrow night instead of tonight.

You can't make
them wait for one day?

They won't wait. They'll give
the part to somebody else.

- Are they gonna give the lead in a movie to someone else...
- It's not the lead.

It's a supporting part.

A mother.

The reason I came here
instead of doing the picture...

is because they
wouldn't give me the lead.

Then I came here and I
saw what young really is.

That's not me, Montgomery.

That's not me anymore.

It's important that you
get that part, isn't it?

Well, it's important
that I have some part.

There aren't that many now.

I have to hold on till
I can play grannies.

There's a lot of those.

Darling, I'm sorry
about the show.

I know it's important to
you, even if you're not in it.

Yeah, it is.

I'm not much of a mother, am I?

Well, maybe I'm
not much of a son,

but we're all we've got.

You've got makeup on your face.

You've been hugging those
good-looking chicks again, haven't you?

You got it.

What do you say
we find that cab?

Mom... about the finale?

Oh, that's right.

I'll find the cab.

You go back in there
and be my representative.

You can handle it.

Yeah, I can.

But we'll do it our way, Mom.

It's gonna be our finale.

Right. It should be yours.

Hey, kiddo.

Break a leg.

♪♪ [Drums]

♪♪ [Electric Guitar, Bass]

♪♪ [Horns]

♪♪ [Big Band Swing]

♪♪ [Ends] [Audience Applauds]

♪♪ [Disco]

♪ Fame ♪

♪ Fame ♪

♪ Fame ♪

♪ Remember, remember
Remember, remember ♪

♪ Remember, remember
Remember, remember ♪

♪ Fame ♪♪