Fame (1982–1987): Season 1, Episode 9 - But Seriously Folks - full transcript

Danny starts taking caffeine pills to juggle school and his new midnight gig at a comedy club. Meanwhile Doris has her first screen-test for a hamburger commercial.

If it's fatigue, get some sleep.
If it's drugs, get some help.

Drugs? No way.

♪ Step up to the mike It
doesn't have to rhyme ♪

- What's the body language
saying now?
- It's saying scared.

♪ Please, double cheese ♪
♪ Hankburger ♪

♪ Please, double cheese ♪
♪ Hankburger ♪♪

What do you want from me?

I'm trying to make a start
for myself, and nobody cares.

A star of tomorrow,
Danny Amatullo.

♪♪ [Disco]

♪ Fame ♪
♪ I'm gonna live forever ♪

♪ I'm gonna learn how to fly ♪
♪ High ♪

♪ I feel it comin' together ♪

♪ People will see me and cry ♪
♪ Fame ♪

♪ I'm gonna make it to heaven ♪

♪ Light up the
sky like a flame ♪

♪ Fame ♪
♪ I'm gonna live forever ♪

♪ Baby, remember my name ♪
♪ Remember, remember ♪

♪ Remember, remember ♪

You got big dreams.

You want fame.

Well, fame costs,

and right here is where
you start paying in sweat.

♪ Fame ♪
♪ I'm gonna live forever ♪

♪ Baby, remember my name ♪
♪ Remember, remember ♪

♪ Remember, remember ♪

♪ Fame ♪♪

Five, six.

Five, six, seven and
one. ♪♪ [Piano]

Step up to the mike, and
say what's on your mind.

Boogie, boogie. Boogie, boogie.

Come on and step up to the mike,

and say what's on your mind.

Boogie, boogie. Boogie, boogie.

Oh, they're gonna kill me.

Step up to the mike, and
say what's on your mind.

Boogie, boogie.
Boogie, boogie, boogie.

Step up to the
mike. Boogie, boogie.

Okay, you're loosening
up. That's a little better.

But you gotta keep
it in your head...

that this kind of number is
the kind that you just go with.

You wanna make the audience
feel they can participate.

They're part of this number. It's not so
much a performance as it is an invitation.

You wanna be saying, "You can
get up here with us. You can boogie."

Yeah, but it's so hard to
do without the audience.

[Kids Laughing]

Sweetheart, until
you convince me...

that you know your left foot from
your right, be glad there is no audience.

[Kids] Ooh!

All right. Come on. Let's
take it from the hip shift.

The hip shift, okay? Five, six.

- Five, six, seven and one.
- ♪♪ [Piano]

Shift. Double shift.

Change. Change.

More isolation. Come on.
Shift. Shift, shift, change.

[Tapping Stick] Well,

look who decided to honor us with
his presence... the Italian Stallion.

- I overslept.
- I don't like to work
my rehearsals...

around people who
are late, understood?

I'm not a dancer or a
singer. I'm a comedian.

Do you see me
laughin', Amatullo?

[Kids Laughing] No.

Then you better start singin'
and dancin'. [Taps Stick]

All right. Come on. Let's
go again from the chorus.

Five, six, seven and
shift. ♪♪ [Piano]

Shift. Double, double, shift.

Come on. Make it
tight. Snap it! Snap!

Doris, what are you doin', sweetheart?
Come on, come on, come on.

Get soulful, baby. Come up high!

If you wanna be Woody Allen,
you do it on your own time, not ours.

Shut up. Shift.

Precision is a very important
element of clear writing.

This is particularly true
in the case of pronouns.

Let me give you an example.

"When his brother came
in, he said he was tired...

of telling him he wasn't
supposed to go there."

- Who wrote that?
- Now, as you can see,
the excessive use...

of the pronoun "he" makes it
impossible to understand the sentence.

I understood it.

If you read the book,
you'd know who "he" was.

I have read the book. That
isn't the point. The point is...

Can someone give me another
example? Danny Amatullo?

- You want another example?
- Mm-hmm.

- Didn't you like the last one?
- I did, but Leroy didn't.

Would you care to oblige us?

Terry Bradshaw is known
for his precision passing.

Not even close.
Sorry I woke you up.

Wake me up? She's the
one who put me to sleep.

I'm sorry? I missed that, Danny.

Did you have another
clear-cut example of precision?

I was just saying that...

if your class was a
little more interesting,

we wouldn't be
nodding off as much.

We'll discuss that later.

You be back here at
the end of classes today.

You understand everything in those
books, but you know nothing about life.

Pop, we've been
through all this before.

When your mother died, the
authorities were gonna put you in a home.

My son they were
gonna put in a home.

Said I wasn't fit to
raise a kid. Pop...

Look at me, Franco.
Were they right?

Did I bring you up wrong? Did I?

Hold it, please. Sorry to
break in the middle of this.

- What are you doing, Amatullo?
- Judging from the tone of
your voice, not too good.

That's being kind.

What happened to all the gentle
moments we worked on in the last session?

You're supposed to be warm,
loving, especially to Franco.

I keep thinkin' Franco, but
I keep seein' Montgomery.

This is a very physical man.

Uh, he's a great big
hugger. He's a toucher.

He's Italian. You're Italian.

You should have no
trouble relating to this.

Why don't we use some of
your own family experiences?

- Is your dad alive?
- Not according to my mom.

[Kids Laughing]

- You wanna try it again?
- Yeah.
- No.

The only thing I can play today is
an Italian jerk from the South Bronx.

I'll pass.

- You okay, Danny?
- Yeah. Sure. Why wouldn't I be okay?

Because you're having
a problem in my class,

and I get the impression
mine isn't the only one.

I ain't got a problem. Wrong
on both counts, Danny.

It's "haven't," not "ain't."

And you do have a problem.
You've been nodding off.

I want to know if the cause
is physical or chemical.

I'm not sure I follow. If
it's fatigue, get some sleep.

If it's drugs, get some help.

Drugs? No way. It's just
that I'm workin' nights.

Working where? Doing what?

Uh, I got a job at a... At
an all-night sandwich stand.

My old man got laid off, so
we're kind of tight for money.

You know how it is.

Danny, do you know what I mean
if I use the phrase "body language"?

I'm not sure.

It means your words
are saying one thing,

but the way you're standing,
the way you're not looking at me,

they're all saying
something else.

Yeah, well, what's the
body language sayin' now?

It's saying scared.

- I gotta go.
- Amatullo!

I told you I got a job,
and I'm late! Good-bye!

He's been taking Leroy lessons.

But I never went on a
commercial interview.

Are you sure we can
get in? It's a cattle call.

We'll stand around until somebody
decides if we have the right look or not.

The right look? What's
that? Who knows?

Don't they know? They
don't have the slightest idea.

I can't believe that. How
can you interview somebody...

if you don't know what
you're looking for, huh? Watch.

Okay, people. People, I
just wanna take a look at you.

Now, the look is
what's important here.

We'll get the performance
out of the way later.

We're just looking
for that look.

You've already got a redhead.

Oh, right. Yeah, thanks.

Why do I feel like I'm in the
Caucasian version of Roots?

Who just spoke?

I want someone to look into
my camera with eyes that say,

"I'll die if I don't have a
Hankburger with double cheese."

Eyes, don't fail me now.

That's cute. I like her.

So the guy says,
"I don't understand.

If that was your mother-in-law, what
happened to the donkey?" [People Laughing]

But you know where I like it
best? Right here in New York.

N.Y.C., the Big Apple.

In fact, there's really
no reason for leaving,

because getting
back... Impossible.

He's really cookin' tonight.


How long you been stage
manager here, Danny?

Almost two months. And
you're doing a good job.

You keep things
running nice and smooth.

- Thanks, Mr. Kerides.
- Did you hear Joey's leavin'?

Yeah, Vegas. Six weeks.
The Sands. The main room.

It's Reno. Four weeks.
The Poker Palace.

In the lounge. It's still
a good break for Joey.

For Joey, yeah.

But for me, it means I've got an
open spot starting next Thursday.

- You interested?
- You kidding? Interested?

I've been working till 2:00, 3:00 in
the morning every night just so I...

- A real comic?
- You'd better be,

'cause I'm putting you down for
the closing spot Thursday night.

You'll probably go on
about 1:00 or 1:30. All right?

Okay! [Joey
Continues, Indistinct]


[Joey] Thank you very much.

♪♪ [Upbeat]

Hey, now, why do
I get the feeling...

that the boss is giving
you a shot next Thursday?

Workin' a real audience. No
more telling jokes to mirrors.

[Yawns] You look beat, kid.

I am. It's been so tough.

It's hard to do my school stuff here,
and it's just all catchin' up with me.

Let me give you a little
advice. You know what? No.

Let me give you a little
opening-night present.

No, that's okay. Come on.

You wanna go out there next
Thursday feeling like a schlump?

You wanna make
the people feel good?

You gotta feel good
yourself. I got plenty.

I don't wanna be a schlump
out there. That's for sure.

You know, having a radio
show is like having a figure...

You gotta use it for
it to do you any good.

You talkin' to that all-night
phone-in show again?

Al, I don't know if
U.F.O.'s are real or not.

Nobody knows. That's the point.

And nobody's trying
very hard to find out either.

That's what I'm sayin'.
My mother, the wacko.

That will sit in your stomach like
a cannonball this time of morning.

There's soup. Take some of that.

I thought you were
talkin' to All-Night Al.

I'm on hold till the
2:00 news is finished.

Sit. I'll make you some soup.

You just gettin' in? Yeah.

Didn't mean to
wake ya. You didn't.

I'm on the 3:00-to-11:00
shift this week.

There's soup for your thermos.
I'll make the sandwiches in a sec.

I, uh... I get to perform
at the club next Thursday.

What, Friday some
kind of holiday? No.

You gonna work the
same hours as now? At first.

Pop, I have to go
where I can perform.

You could always work Talent Night
over at the Knights of St. Anthony.

- Not at my lodge.
- Why not?

It's bad enough he
has to go to that school,

but I won't have my son playing
the clown in front of my friends.

I'm not a clown. I'm a comedian.

- Oh, there's a difference.
- There is.

- A clown'll do anything
for a laugh.
- Danny, let's not get into it.

When you get older, maybe
you'll get some sense in your head.

- You think I'm gonna grow
outta this or somethin'.
- If we're lucky.

Those sandwiches
ready yet? Yeah.

I'll be home regular time.

I'm gonna stop at church,
light a candle for Vinnie.

♪♪ [Jingle]

♪ All across America ♪

♪ Long Island to L.A. ♪

♪ You're in for a treat
when you stop to eat ♪

♪ If you don't forget to say ♪

- ♪ Please, double cheese ♪
- ♪ Hankburger ♪

- ♪ Please, double cheese ♪
- ♪ Hankburger ♪

♪ New England Cape to the
Golden Gate Say, please ♪

♪ Double cheese Hankburger ♪♪

- Hey, what's going on?
- A star is born.

I got called back by that cuckoo bird who
wanted me to look into his camera with eyes.

- He wants me
to come in and read.
- Better me than you.

But if not me, why not
you? Congratulations.

- What should I do?
- Why ask me?

You're the one who dragged
me there in the first place. Whoa!

I didn't drag you anywhere.
Are you gonna stand there...

and argue with me
or you gonna help me?

All right. The first thing you gotta do is
stop thinking the director is a cuckoo bird.

No matter what he
is, he is the director.

And cuckoo. Next,
the product. You love it!

Have you ever
eaten a Hankburger?

I don't know who Hank is,
but his burgers are the pits.

Wrong. From this moment
on, they are great. Montgomery!

Look, do you want the job?

They're great. None better.

Next, you're gonna have to
read for the job... Sorry to interrupt,

which is a lie, but I have
to ask you all a question.

- Is it important?
- No. It's an
unimportant question.

How would you all like to come see a
fast-rising young comedian perform?

- You got a gig?
- Not too loud.

I don't wanna get tossed
outta school. When and where?

Why? Cute. It's a comedy club.

It's the late show,
1:00 in the morning.

My dad would massage my
gums with an automobile jack.

Same here. Not
on a school night.

That's great.
That's really great.

I work my buns off for three months
trying to wedge my way in there.

It finally all comes together...
I'd shut up real quick if I were you.

What are you doing
in here, Mr. Martelli?

I was just leaving,
very quickly. Bye.

Good instincts,
boy. Good instincts.

And what are y'all lookin' at?


- Hey, how you doin', kid?
- Okay.

Okay? Okay?

Hey, Danny this
is it... The night.

Well, it's been a long day, and I
couldn't get anybody to come watch.

Who cares? This is your night.

You oughta be flyin', especially
with those little bombs I laid on you.

Oh, no. Kid, you're not
going out there alone, are you?

I guess so. Dummy.

Look, I'm steering
you straight on this.

The way you make it in this
business is with a full charge.

That's the way things
are. You gotta be up.

There ain't no
down, not for a comic.

Don't go out there
by yourself, kid.

You take a couple
of friends with ya.

Good evening, friends.

All right, you bums. Listen up.

I want you to give your
undivided attention...

and a great big hand to
a new kid on the block...

A star of tomorrow,
Danny Amatullo!


Thank you. Thank you. I
think I should warn you, I'm...

I'm in deep trouble.

[Sherwood] Frost's work stresses
simple, straightforward imagery...

and a lack of overt

Now, there's a direct connection
between that sort of simplicity...

and the writings of
William Wordsworth,

one of the first to put poetry into
the language of the common man.

He also used the Platonic
doctrine of recollection.

Mr. Martelli, what was
it? Give me an example?

When you're born,
you know everything,

and learning is the adult
remembering his childhood.

And an example?

"Ode on Intimations
of Immortality."

But please don't ask
me to explain the title.

It means, Mr. Wordsworth,

the cough is more
than just hay fever.

[Bell Ringing]

Amatullo, you stay here.

We need to talk. I got class.

You've been dodging
me for several days now,

and you have lunch
next period, so sit down.

Have a seat.

I'm surprised. I'm puzzled.
Also, I'm very angry.

- Why, because I
bust one little rule?
- I'm not talking about rules.

You wanna get yourself thrown
out of school, that's your problem.

But you conned me. All that nonsense
about having to help your family.

It's true. Why do you
think I work at the club?

I prefer my fairy tales to
start with "once upon a time."

What do you want from me?

I'm tryin' to make a start
for myself, and nobody cares.

All you care about
is if I know poems,

or if I know how to
diagram sentences.

Nobody cares what I'm goin' through!
Just what are you going through?

Nothin'. I'm not going...
Danny, look at me.

Don't touch me! I don't
like when people touch me.

You're on uppers, aren't you?
Miss Sherwood, if you're finished...

Hold your hand out. Hold it out!

The object is to hold it steady.

I'm just nervous about
the performance. That's all.

I'm just a little
on edge. Damn it!

Now, you listen
to me, young man.

There's a part of me that wants
to close my fist and flatten you.

But because I'm a
reasonable person, I know...

that's what they call
misdirected anger.

It isn't you I'm mad at.

It's that piece of breathing
dirt who gave you that poison.

- It's not poison.
- It's poison.

And it destroys young
people, and I hate it!

Danny, I've lost students...

and friends and people I
cared about very deeply,

and I don't intend
to lose any more.

- Dead?
- In effect.

Obviously, there's somebody
out there telling you it's okay.

Somebody telling
you everybody does it?

Well, I'm here to tell you
that person is a liar and a thief.

- He's not a thief!
- He's a thief!

He's stealing your life, Danny,

and he's getting you
to act as an accomplice.

It's lunch. Go.

What are you gonna do?

I don't know.

I'm going to have
to think about it.

But you are gonna do somethin'?

You'll be late for lunch.


♪♪ [Rock]

♪♪ [Continues]

[Door Closes]

♪♪ [Off]

Imagery, Doris. That's
what it's all about.

Why are you doing this? I
thought you hated commercials.

I do. Then why
are you doing this?

I thought I'd get into coaching
for some extra money.

It's what they call
a fallback position.

Do you know how thrilling it is to
be in someone's fallback position?

Doris, it's just that when I heard
you say how you hated Hankburgers...

Uck! They're like
poached hubcaps.

Anyway you eat 'em, they turn
sideways. That's what imagery is about.

What's your very favorite food? The
food that you absolutely can't resist?

My grandmother's
lentil soup. It's unreal.

All right! So when you
look at those hamburgers,

I want you to see,
smell and taste...

your grandmother's lentil soup.

My grandmother's lentil soup.

This is really nice of you. The
thing you'll have to ask yourself...

Is this gonna make you a better
actress? It'll make me a richer actress.

If that's what
you're after. Coco,

if Sir Laurence Olivier
can sell cameras,

if Orson Welles can refuse
to drink wine before its time,

then who am I,
Doris Rene Schwartz,

to refuse to stand
in front of a camera...

and pig out on a
Hankburger, double cheese?

Tell me that.

♪♪ [Classical]

♪♪ [Continues]

I don't do drugs, because I
think of my body as a cathedral.

I don't wanna do
nothing to mar its beauty.

So why don't you
tell that to Amatullo?

I ain't tellin' him nothin'.

As long as he takes the heat from
Sherwood and keeps her off me, I'm fine.

Anyway, I'm due for some
time off from her. [Chuckles]

Pull up. Change
partners. Promenade.

If everyone is so concerned about Danny,
how come nobody went to go see him?

The way I heard it,
somebody did... Sherwood.

Change partners.
Piqué, arabesque.

Tendu and one.

I notice you didn't go.

Get off my case. Nobody
went. We all let him down.

Port de bras, chassé.

In a circle, chassé.

In a circle, chassé.

And tendu, close fifth.

Tendu, close fifth.

Port de bras! Breathe!

What I don't understand
is, why'd he get into pills?

He's from the South Bronx, silly.
What's that supposed to mean?

If you don't understand that, you're
not gonna understand anything.

Being number one isn't easy.

I think we should stop talkin' about
this and show him that we care.

I think he's scared, and
we didn't help him any.

When you don't have anyone to
talk to, you look for something else.

And forward, pull back.

And forward, pull up.

Stay up. Pull up
your back, Coco.

And change, tendu, close.

And reverence. Hold. Hold.


Now, when you look
at that Hankburger,

I want to see love in your eyes.

I want to see
passion in your face.

I want to see adoration
in your whole person.

And most of all, I want to
see double cheese in your look.

[Laughs] What's so funny?

Nothing. Uh, happy,
joy. Double cheese.

Terrific. That's just what
we want. Okay, roll 'em.

Very quiet, please. [Bell Dings]

Hankburger, double
cheese. Take one.

And action.

When you're having a
Hankburger, don't forget:

It's "Please, double cheese."


That's not bad, Doris.

I wanna do it again. Only this
time I need more on the "please."

More, uh...

More... more.


Roll 'em. [Bell Dings]

Hankburger, double
cheese. Take two.

And action.

When you're having a
Hankburger, don't forget:

It's "Please, double cheese!"

Hankburger, double
cheese. Take four.


When you're having a
Hankburger, don't forget:

It's "Cheese, double
please!" Wrong.

- Hankburger, double cheese. Take seven.
- Action.

When you're having a
Hankburger, don't forget:

It's "Please, double cheese."

- [Coughing] - Hankburger,
double cheese. Take 10.

- Action.
- When you're having
a Hankburger,

don't forget...

my grandmother's
lentil soup. Cut.

All right. Everybody,
take an hour.

- An hour? For what?
- Lunch.

Do you remember the discussion we
had about using our corporate spokesman?

Yep. I think our instincts
were right on the money.


[TV: Indistinct]

- Well, on my way.
- Don't you wanna
watch the second half?

The Knicks are comin'
back. I don't have the time.

I have to be down there by 9:30.

Fine. Just thought
you'd be interested.

I'll read about it in tomorrow
morning's newspaper.

I'm goin'.

Danny, we've got a problem.

If you're worried about Maxie's
exit, I'll get it right tonight.

No, I'm not, and no, you won't.

One more time? Show me some I.D.

I got a call about
you being underage.

I've had my suspicions, but I
figured I ask you no questions,

you tell me no lies, and
we're both in the clear.

But if somebody's
gonna blow the whistle...

Show me some I.D.

I don't see "18"
on there anywhere.

You mean I'm canned
here and out there?

Say good night, Danny.



Danny, nobody sees
me looking like this.

I mean nobody.

That's what I qualify for...
Mr. Nobody, thanks to you.

Yeah? Why thanks to me?

You said you were gonna
do somethin', and you did.

You got me canned
from the comedy club.

Danny, I got a couple
of news items for you.

First, you're not the
only student I have.

Second, you're on my mind,

but you're not the most urgent
problem in my life right now.

And third, I haven't
the faintest idea...

what you're talking about in
regards to the comedy club.

Then who got me canned
from the club? Tell me that.

Somebody who cares
about you. That's for sure.

So, why do you think it
couldn't have been your father?

It's not his style.

He doesn't get involved
where I'm concerned.

Why not? On account of Vinnie.

He was my older brother.

He died about three
months before I was born.

They never told me what
of or how, just he died.

A cute kid. Four years old.

I see pictures of him in our
scrapbook, him and my old man.

My old man looks
different in those pictures.

Making faces at the
camera. That kind of stuff.

He doesn't do that in any of
the pictures after... after Vinnie.

All my life he's been
walking away from me.

I must have been 10 before
I realized he had a face.

Danny, don't
make jokes about it.

Why not? The
whole thing's a joke.

Take my father, please.

A funny thing happened
on the way to my father.

It seemed there were these
two fathers... Danny, stop it.

Sometimes I think...

Sometimes I think he
doesn't think I'm any good.

As a performer, you mean?

He's never seen me perform.

Remember I told
you I'd lost students...

and people I really cared about?

Well, when that happens,

there's a temptation
to stop getting involved,

to build a wall.

If I felt that way when something
happened to one of my students,

I can barely conceive what it must
be like for the parent who loses a child.

Your father may
not be able to say it,

and he may not
know how to show it,

but if he got you
fired from that club...

and what it was doing to you,

he cares.

He cares... a lot.

♪♪ [Slow Tempo]

[Danny] ♪ Another chance ♪

♪ Another closing door ♪

♪ What good are dreams ♪

♪ When they
tumble to the floor ♪

♪ Sometimes I wonder ♪

♪ If it's always been this way ♪

♪ And I've got this feeling ♪

♪ Up and down is here to stay ♪

♪ Come what may ♪

♪ I'll be waiting for it ♪

♪ I know the wind
that brought it ♪

♪ Didn't mean me anyhow ♪

♪ Come what may ♪

♪ It won't really matter ♪

♪ If it's got to be that way ♪

♪ It's okay ♪

♪ Come what may ♪

[No Audible Dialogue]

♪ Come what may ♪

♪ I'll be waiting for it ♪

♪ I know the wind
that brought it ♪

♪ Didn't mean me anyhow ♪

♪ Come what may ♪

♪ It won't really matter ♪

♪ If it's got to be that way ♪

♪ It's okay ♪

♪ Come what may ♪♪

♪♪ [Ends]

And that's not all. They're
always combing your hair.

Before every shot, this
woman named Gloria...

comes swooping outta the shadows
with a hair brush and a mirror.

Only her hair looks like something
you killed underneath the sink.

I got fired from
the comedy club.

We heard. How are you
handling it? You okay?

I will be. With a little
help from my friends.

If I got any left.

[Bruno] We're
Mr. Amatullo's guests.

What is this place? The
Knights of St. Anthony Lodge.

I'll be right back.

Hey, do you guys really
do all that knight stuff?

Knight stuff? Yeah,
you know what I mean.

Knock each other off
your horses and all that.

What's up? These kids
say they're your guests.

I never invited anybody.
We meant his son, Danny.

Oh, Dante. Yes, of course.

Listen, why don't you take
those chairs over there?

Thank you. Mm-hmm.
Wait a minute.

How come my son is inviting
all these people to my lodge?

♪♪ [Fanfare]

[Applause, Whooping]

Hey! Hey! [Applause Continues]

All right. Hey. Thank
you, thank you.

Welcome to the
Talent Night Show.

But before I bring
out the dancing girls...

[Wolf Whistles] All
right, all right, all right.

I got a couple of
announcements. First of all,

Thursday night is the start of
the annual bingo tournament.

Those of you who are interested,
sign up with Father Szanowski.

All right. Saturday morning,

we got the St.
Anthony's bocce team...

playing the Garibaldis
over there in Astoria.

So, Joe Buonaguro says you
all come out, cheer the team on.

Show a little spirit, all right?
Okay, we're all set now.

We got a very, very
special surprise for you here.

We have a
soon-to-be-professional entertainer.

So it's your last chance to get
him at the special reduced rate.

He's not only a fine
entertainer, by the way,

but he's a very good wing on
the St. Anthony's soccer team.

So give a nice hand to one
of our own... Danny Amatullo!

Danny, hey! [Applause, Cheering]

Hi. First, I'd like to thank...

the members of the lodge for
allowing me to appear here tonight.


You guys are always doing
something great for the community.

Like the emcee mentioned,
the sports program.

It wasn't always like that. When I
first moved to this neighborhood,

I was taught to
play kick the can.

- The thing was,
it was my can.
- ♪♪ [Rim Shot]

And I played a
lot of sports here.

But, um, now I go to the
High School of Performing Arts.

We don't have any teams, but we put
on a half-time show you would not believe!


And it's an excellent school.
I mean, the kids are different.

Like when I walk
into the men's room,

there are people rehearsin'
instead of shootin' dice. [Laughter]

And I really miss
the extra money.

♪♪ [Rim Shot]

But the more I think of it, I
think we should have teams.

Look at the dancers. They
are excellent athletes. Right?

Can't you picture it? "Okay,
team. It's third and four.

"I want a pirouette to the left
on two. [Laughter Continues]

And I don't wanna see any
of you spikin' your tutus."


[Whooping Continues]

Well, I see that the bell ringers
from St. Martha's are here,

and I don't wanna
cut into their time,

so I'll just say I hope
you all have a good night.

What happened was I forgot to
come up with a big finish for my act.

And, uh...

- Was that our cue?
- Cue? What are you
talkin' about?

Yeah. Yeah. That was our cue.

Oh, you see, we were
supposed to all come on stage,

and... and we were gonna do
this really terrific closing number.

Only I guess we got so absorbed in
Danny's jokes that we kind of goofed.

So, uh, "Step Up To The Mike."

♪♪ [Pop]

♪ Everybody needs
a friend It's true ♪

♪ It takes friends in the end to
make the plan come through ♪

♪ And though I
want you to know ♪

♪ That we'll stick together ♪

♪ And we'll last forever ♪

♪ Let's take a bow ♪
♪ Step up to the mike ♪

♪ And say what's on your mind ♪


♪ Step up to the mike ♪

♪ Folks are sayin'
that God is dead ♪

♪ That's the devil working
inside of their heads ♪

♪ And, oh, you gotta know ♪

♪ My God is a living God ♪

♪ He's a walking and
talking and giving God ♪

♪ And, oh, I want you to know ♪

♪ Who made the blue skies ♪

♪ So his beautiful
birds could fly ♪

♪ The night and the day
The thunder and rain ♪

♪ Who taught us the
truth inside of his name ♪

♪ Step up to the mike ♪

♪ And say what's on your mind ♪

♪ Step up to the mike ♪

♪ My friend you're a lucky man ♪

♪ You've got friends who
will lend you a helping hand ♪

♪ And, oh, I want you to know ♪

♪ We all need each other ♪

♪ To touch one another ♪

♪ Right now ♪
♪ Step up to the mike ♪

♪ And say what's on your mind ♪

♪♪ [Continues] [People Whooping]

♪ Step up to the mike ♪

♪ I know I'm a lucky man ♪

♪ I got friends who will
lend me a helping hand ♪

♪ And, oh, I want you to know ♪

♪ As long as we're together ♪

♪ We got to last forever ♪

♪ Together we'll try
with all of our might ♪

♪ The whole world is waiting ♪

♪ Step up to the mike ♪

♪ Step up to the mike ♪

♪ And say what's on your mind ♪

♪ Step up to the mike ♪

♪ It doesn't have to rhyme ♪

♪ Step up to the mike ♪

♪ And say what's on your mind ♪

♪ Step up to the mike ♪

♪ It doesn't have to rhyme ♪

♪ Step up to the mike ♪

♪ And say what's on your mind ♪♪

[Kids] Yeah! [Cheering]

[Cheering, Applause Continue]

I just had a pizza orgy.
What am I lookin' in here for?



- People laughed a lot.
- Yeah.

- They always laugh like that?
- Sometimes yeah, sometimes no.

- Ask you a question?
- Sure.

Are you through
with those funny pills?

- They were on your nightstand.
- Now they're in the toilet.

I'm through with them for
good. Can I ask you a question?

How come you started to leave
the show when I was up there?

I heard the people laughin'...

People you were makin' happy...

And I started to, uh...

What is it you kids
say, "puddle up"?

And I figured you don't want a guy
cryin' when you're makin' 'em all laugh.

It's very important to
make people happy, Dante.

You, uh... You made
me real proud tonight.

Good night, Papa.

I love you.

♪♪ [Disco]

♪ Fame ♪

♪ Fame ♪

♪ Fame ♪

♪ Remember, remember
Remember, remember ♪

♪ Remember, remember
Remember, remember ♪

♪ Fame ♪♪