Fakes (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Episode #1.6 - full transcript
How to sell fake IDs:
Step one. Approach your targets.
People that want to be seen.
Step two, gather their pictures.
Professional passport photos.
Neutral expression,
proper lighting.
No selfies, no filters.
No one is aloud to look good
on their drivers license.
Even fake ones.
You can make the best forgery
in the world
but if the photos not right,
no one will buy it.
Step three.
Hands these pictures
to your handlers.
Step four.
Your handlers give these images
to our invisible third party man
in the shadows
who creates the fakes
for us.
Step five.
Deliver, receive, split.
- Got it?
- Yes!
Thank you so much
for an amazing opportunity.
Though clever
as clever can be
A Crichton of early romance
You must stir it
and stump it,
And blow your own trumpet,
Or, trust me, you haven't
a chance!
Hey, hey..
Ok, what are we ordering
for dinner?
Oh, gimme, gimme, gimme.
Ok, but do not splurge.
Ok, Dad.
Curtesy of Sophie.
Not bad.
However, if we are going to make
our month projections
then the singing nerd
is going to have to make
some improvements.
You know she has
a name, right?
I don't know what to tell you.
She seems completely useless.
Hey!
I mean, I thought we discussed
that she could sell to the uh...
the losers, the nerds.
Undesirables.
Hey!
Sally is just as important
to this team, ok?
Not everybody is Sophie
and cool and popular
and tall and beautiful.
Far too many adjectives.
You know, like some of us...
some of us just have these
hidden talents.
And it makes us
just as valuable.
Hm.
Well, sure thing, nerd.
You'll see.
Sally will be matching
Sophie's numbers any day now.
Alright, well, just don't
let me down, kid.
I splurged, you jerk.
Hey.
Fuck!
Ok, Sally, um, so are
you done or...?
You guys don't get it.
This is only gonna work
if I'm in corduroy.
God, this schools so..
No, it's just our gang.
Oh.
Stop it.
Ok, Sally, you've got your
script memorized?
Yeah. Yeah, well I added
some flair
to make it more personal
for them.
No, no, no.
Sally, stick to the script.
Trust me, I know
these people.
Woah.
Hot Matthew.
I wonder if it's too late
to try and throw back.
Ah! Ok.
Wish me luck!
When the night wind
howls and the chimney cowls,
What is happening?
Fly!
Are they having
a sing-off?
I have to show Tryst. Oh my-
No, stop, stop, stop.
She is just... That's just
how they say hello.
It's actually really beautiful.
Wait, roll down the window
so we can hear.
Stop. No, no, no.
No. Stop. No.
- Roll down the window.
- No, no, no.
I will break your phone,
I swear to god!
Rebecca! Stop it!
Think it went really well.
So they're gonna think
about it.
You guys see our dance?
You guys see our dance?
Guys?
Zoe? Are you home?
Dinner's ready.
Mom, you like the fried pickles
Jason brought?
Oh, yeah, I brought these.
Hm. Thanks, Jason.
My favourite.
Mom, you uh, remember the first
time Zoe ate lasagna.
Mm.
You remember, Mom?
I do.
Zoe.
No, obviously not.
- You were three or four.
- Mmmhmm.
I couldn't get you
to eat anything.
We went and got you
this cheese lasagna.
You actually ate it,
but then you passed
the dish back to me...
And you said "all full."
But it sounded like-
Awful!
And there was still pastas,
like the whole shape.
You'd just eaten all the cheese
and left the rest for us.
- All full.
- All full.
- Awful.
- Awful.
- Awful!
- All full!
That's good.
Awful.
Thanks, Z.
Oh! Give that to me.
Sorry.
Are you kidding me?
You're drunk?
Were you drinking
all of dinner?
No. Why?
You were dropping things,
you're telling these
stupid stories.
That story was real.
Ok, I don't know
what you're up to.
I'm not up to anything.
But do not show up drunk
in front of Mom again.
Hey, look at this.
It's me! Not bad.
Anita Berger. Classic.
Thank you.
Speaking of not too bad.
Sally's theatre friends
ordered 20.
That is not too shabby, right?
For a senior?
Yeah, not too shabby
at all.
But you know what?
Sophie got 100.
Let's just do this.
Oh man.
Ok, all 20 ready to go.
Here, give it to me with
your upstage arm no one can see.
Just take the bag.
Sally, you know
that this whole thing,
it's not a performance,
right?
Hm. Mmmhmm.
Like this whole thing,
it's actually real life.
Mmmhmm.
It's actually like kind of
an opportunity for you to like,
be cool.
Zoe, I'm gonna let you in
on a little secret.
You and me?
We're already cool.
I should have tackled her
right there and then.
- Hey, honey.
- Hi.
I just wanted to let you know
that Jason's taking our car.
What?
Well, he's just been laid off
but he's got some interviews
lined up and he needs it.
Why was he fired?
I don't know.
Mom. If he's losing his jobs
and he's showing up
to dinner
and telling these
stupid stories.
Honey.
Dad was the same.
Zoe.
Jason is not your father.
We are just trying to help him
put his best foot forward.
That's all.
Whether it means a warm dinner
or taking the car.
Look, here's some money
for the bus.
Good night, Mom.
Hey! I made a huge mistake!
Please don't tell Rebecca!
How could you lose
a bag of IDs?
I don't know.
I was gonna hand them out
at the theatre bar,
on Friday night, and then
they were just gone.
I'm so sorry.
My mom's picking me up
after school.
We can go all the places
I went yesterday.
Um, maybe my house or my voice
teacher's house
or Stanley Park...
How many places
did you go?
Ok, everybody
just calm down.
We are gonna split up, ok?
Ok.
Becca and I can take
the more public spaces.
Ok.
It's a good idea.
Thank you.
Fucking hell.
I'm sorry!
Ok.
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
Sally, Sally!
Sally, Sally, Sally.
Ok.
So like, what is the worst
case scenario here?
We have a bag of
actual contraband
with our clients literal faces
at large
which could be traced back
to our customers
who could point to Sally
who could point back to us
at which point we could
be suspended,
given a permanent record and
goodbye stable employment
and all potential futures.
Wow. Ok.
Tell me how I died,
Ghost of Christmas Future,
but like, whatever.
None of that is gonna happen
if we find that bag.
Just breathe, ok?
Yeah, I'm breathing.
I'm just embarrassed.
About what? None of this
is your fault.
Yes, it is.
No, it isn't.
I could have helped by being
less of a dick to Sally.
You were right.
We're all one team.
Ok?
Thanks. That helps.
Ok, we're pulling up
to Sally's first stop.
Slow down.
Nope.
So what, she just stood out here
and threw rocks at his window?
Maybe.
No.
Cute!
Just headshots?
Just in the field?
Yep.
- Were you napping?
- I'm tired.
I'm calling an Uber.
Wasn't in the trailer
but his assistant eventually
took my headshot and...
She didn't even meet him?
No.
We're leaving.
- A snack?
- No.
- I'm starving!
- Well I can't help you.
Actors should always have
two different outdoor
headshot photos-
Stop. Stop reading that,
forever.
Yeah, I know.
What the fuck?!
What? What?
What the fuck?!
God, this is such
a stupid day.
Why are we the ones
doing this?
If Sally is stupid enough
to lose the cards,
how stupid are we to be chasing
after the cards?
No, we're not stupid.
She wasn't my pick.
You said that
we are one team.
Yeah, well now
I'm exhausted.
It's just Clem.
Not important.
That's a little mean.
Actually, it's super smart.
I'm not involving him in this,
that's wrong.
Kind of like the Fast
and Furious family.
They succeed
because they're family.
Clem is not family.
It's not that kind of family.
I'm not involving Clem
in this, ok?
Fine.
- Now he's calling me.
- Shit.
What do I do?
I don't know, well,
we can't both ignore him.
Just answer it.
Hey, Clem.
Hey, are you
with Rebecca?
Um, no, I'm at home.
I'm just in bed.
Oh.
I mean, I'm not in bed,
I'm at home.
Good, great.
No, me too.
Also at home in bed. Um...
Um, ok.
I will text Rebecca
for you, ok?
Ok, cool.
- Yeah, thanks, bye.
- Bye.
Thanks.
Yep.
Where is your car anyway?
It's a long story
with Jason.
Now I'm stuck taking...
Oh, my god!
What?
Sally doesn't drive.
Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
Oh shit!
- No, she doesn't.
- No.
- Mm-mm.
- No.
That bitch takes the bus.
Ah, you're in luck.
We did find a lost bag
that fits your description.
Oh, thank god.
Picked up on bus 108.
- Oh, yes!
- Awesome.
Can we please get it.
You sure can.
Let me just see what bin
it's in.
Ok.
Oh.
Oh? What oh?
Yeah, sorry girls.
Every 90 days we transfer
our lost and found items
to the local property office
for public auction.
Public auction?
Turns out we shipped
everything out last night,
your bag included.
Oh, my god.
Don't worry.
It probably hasn't been sorted
for auction so soon.
Just run down there
before they close.
Everything should be fine.
- Ok, thank you.
- Thank you so much!
- Have a good night!
- Bye.
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
Hey, do you have a credit card
if we need to bid on it?
Yeah, but like my limit is bust
this month, remember?
Becca, it's not gonna be
like a million dollars.
You don't know that.
Have you not seen those
garbage shoes on TV?
People bid like crazy
high amounts
on boxes they've never
even opened yet.
Do you mean garage shows?
Like Storage Hunters?
We're literally saying
the same thing, Zoe.
Ok, whatever.
Hopefully she is right
and we can get there on time
and it's not being auctioned.
Ok, just take a left after,
maybe...
After the what? Becca?
The property office isn't
just some random warehouse.
What do you mean?
Did you find their website yet?
Hold on Hold on.
Oh, ok I got it.
- Uh, ok. Most oversize items...
- It's not oversize!
Right, right, right.
"Should your item be of
general merchandise..."
Yeah, that's it.
Ok, "these single good
will be assembled
"into lots generated randomly
per date of arrival
"and weight comparatively."
Ok, got it.
Um... do they search the bag?
Um, um, um...
"Due investigation
will be conducted
"on all classified
private property
"with the exception of external
found goods
"from sanctioned and
or internal departments
"such as public libraries,
community centres
"and transit lost and found."
Yes! Great, fuck yes!
Ok, I think I got it.
Sanction request for found
personal property 101.
This part was actually legal.
Hi, Larry.
Hiya, hiya.
That is such a great name,
by the way.
Thank you.
My first dog
was named Larry.
Was it?
Mmmhmm. Yep.
Larry Lawrence.
Anyway, we got the runaround
from the Metro Vancouver Transit
L&F to retrieve an EFG.
- Ok, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah. Super.
Green reusable tote bag with a
little smiley face on the side.
Ok, yeah, yeah.
It actually got transferred
late last night
from the internal so it probably
hasn't been sorted
from bin to lot yet.
Oh, for sure,
for sure.
Ok.
Wow, I can't believe
that worked.
Oh, my god, good job.
The Vancouver Metro L&F.
Oh! I'm strong.
Oh.
- Oh, my god.
- Holy shit.
Ok.
That's what they pay me
the big bucks for.
Ok. Name for sign out.
Oh, um. Yes, yes.
Um, it is Anita Berger.
Anita Berger.
- B-E-R.
- Gotcha.
Alright, can I see an ID?
What?
An ID, Anita?
Yes, yes. Of course.
- Yay.
- I know.
Alright. Have a good one.
- Thank you so much.
- Thanks so much, Larry.
Okay, now.
- Bye!
- Bye.
Oh, my god.
It's ok, it's fine.
It was an accident.
Yeah, I accidentally gave a
fake ID to an actual officer.
Do you think, wait,
does that...
No, no, no, no.
No, Zoe!
Bad! Bad! Zoe!
One thing at a time, ok?
Say it.
One thing at a time.
That's right. One thing
at a time, ok?
And right now, what's important
is that we got the bag back...
Oh, fucking...
What?
Ugh! Ow!
Are you fucking
kidding me?!!!!!!
Step one. Approach your targets.
People that want to be seen.
Step two, gather their pictures.
Professional passport photos.
Neutral expression,
proper lighting.
No selfies, no filters.
No one is aloud to look good
on their drivers license.
Even fake ones.
You can make the best forgery
in the world
but if the photos not right,
no one will buy it.
Step three.
Hands these pictures
to your handlers.
Step four.
Your handlers give these images
to our invisible third party man
in the shadows
who creates the fakes
for us.
Step five.
Deliver, receive, split.
- Got it?
- Yes!
Thank you so much
for an amazing opportunity.
Though clever
as clever can be
A Crichton of early romance
You must stir it
and stump it,
And blow your own trumpet,
Or, trust me, you haven't
a chance!
Hey, hey..
Ok, what are we ordering
for dinner?
Oh, gimme, gimme, gimme.
Ok, but do not splurge.
Ok, Dad.
Curtesy of Sophie.
Not bad.
However, if we are going to make
our month projections
then the singing nerd
is going to have to make
some improvements.
You know she has
a name, right?
I don't know what to tell you.
She seems completely useless.
Hey!
I mean, I thought we discussed
that she could sell to the uh...
the losers, the nerds.
Undesirables.
Hey!
Sally is just as important
to this team, ok?
Not everybody is Sophie
and cool and popular
and tall and beautiful.
Far too many adjectives.
You know, like some of us...
some of us just have these
hidden talents.
And it makes us
just as valuable.
Hm.
Well, sure thing, nerd.
You'll see.
Sally will be matching
Sophie's numbers any day now.
Alright, well, just don't
let me down, kid.
I splurged, you jerk.
Hey.
Fuck!
Ok, Sally, um, so are
you done or...?
You guys don't get it.
This is only gonna work
if I'm in corduroy.
God, this schools so..
No, it's just our gang.
Oh.
Stop it.
Ok, Sally, you've got your
script memorized?
Yeah. Yeah, well I added
some flair
to make it more personal
for them.
No, no, no.
Sally, stick to the script.
Trust me, I know
these people.
Woah.
Hot Matthew.
I wonder if it's too late
to try and throw back.
Ah! Ok.
Wish me luck!
When the night wind
howls and the chimney cowls,
What is happening?
Fly!
Are they having
a sing-off?
I have to show Tryst. Oh my-
No, stop, stop, stop.
She is just... That's just
how they say hello.
It's actually really beautiful.
Wait, roll down the window
so we can hear.
Stop. No, no, no.
No. Stop. No.
- Roll down the window.
- No, no, no.
I will break your phone,
I swear to god!
Rebecca! Stop it!
Think it went really well.
So they're gonna think
about it.
You guys see our dance?
You guys see our dance?
Guys?
Zoe? Are you home?
Dinner's ready.
Mom, you like the fried pickles
Jason brought?
Oh, yeah, I brought these.
Hm. Thanks, Jason.
My favourite.
Mom, you uh, remember the first
time Zoe ate lasagna.
Mm.
You remember, Mom?
I do.
Zoe.
No, obviously not.
- You were three or four.
- Mmmhmm.
I couldn't get you
to eat anything.
We went and got you
this cheese lasagna.
You actually ate it,
but then you passed
the dish back to me...
And you said "all full."
But it sounded like-
Awful!
And there was still pastas,
like the whole shape.
You'd just eaten all the cheese
and left the rest for us.
- All full.
- All full.
- Awful.
- Awful.
- Awful!
- All full!
That's good.
Awful.
Thanks, Z.
Oh! Give that to me.
Sorry.
Are you kidding me?
You're drunk?
Were you drinking
all of dinner?
No. Why?
You were dropping things,
you're telling these
stupid stories.
That story was real.
Ok, I don't know
what you're up to.
I'm not up to anything.
But do not show up drunk
in front of Mom again.
Hey, look at this.
It's me! Not bad.
Anita Berger. Classic.
Thank you.
Speaking of not too bad.
Sally's theatre friends
ordered 20.
That is not too shabby, right?
For a senior?
Yeah, not too shabby
at all.
But you know what?
Sophie got 100.
Let's just do this.
Oh man.
Ok, all 20 ready to go.
Here, give it to me with
your upstage arm no one can see.
Just take the bag.
Sally, you know
that this whole thing,
it's not a performance,
right?
Hm. Mmmhmm.
Like this whole thing,
it's actually real life.
Mmmhmm.
It's actually like kind of
an opportunity for you to like,
be cool.
Zoe, I'm gonna let you in
on a little secret.
You and me?
We're already cool.
I should have tackled her
right there and then.
- Hey, honey.
- Hi.
I just wanted to let you know
that Jason's taking our car.
What?
Well, he's just been laid off
but he's got some interviews
lined up and he needs it.
Why was he fired?
I don't know.
Mom. If he's losing his jobs
and he's showing up
to dinner
and telling these
stupid stories.
Honey.
Dad was the same.
Zoe.
Jason is not your father.
We are just trying to help him
put his best foot forward.
That's all.
Whether it means a warm dinner
or taking the car.
Look, here's some money
for the bus.
Good night, Mom.
Hey! I made a huge mistake!
Please don't tell Rebecca!
How could you lose
a bag of IDs?
I don't know.
I was gonna hand them out
at the theatre bar,
on Friday night, and then
they were just gone.
I'm so sorry.
My mom's picking me up
after school.
We can go all the places
I went yesterday.
Um, maybe my house or my voice
teacher's house
or Stanley Park...
How many places
did you go?
Ok, everybody
just calm down.
We are gonna split up, ok?
Ok.
Becca and I can take
the more public spaces.
Ok.
It's a good idea.
Thank you.
Fucking hell.
I'm sorry!
Ok.
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
Sally, Sally!
Sally, Sally, Sally.
Ok.
So like, what is the worst
case scenario here?
We have a bag of
actual contraband
with our clients literal faces
at large
which could be traced back
to our customers
who could point to Sally
who could point back to us
at which point we could
be suspended,
given a permanent record and
goodbye stable employment
and all potential futures.
Wow. Ok.
Tell me how I died,
Ghost of Christmas Future,
but like, whatever.
None of that is gonna happen
if we find that bag.
Just breathe, ok?
Yeah, I'm breathing.
I'm just embarrassed.
About what? None of this
is your fault.
Yes, it is.
No, it isn't.
I could have helped by being
less of a dick to Sally.
You were right.
We're all one team.
Ok?
Thanks. That helps.
Ok, we're pulling up
to Sally's first stop.
Slow down.
Nope.
So what, she just stood out here
and threw rocks at his window?
Maybe.
No.
Cute!
Just headshots?
Just in the field?
Yep.
- Were you napping?
- I'm tired.
I'm calling an Uber.
Wasn't in the trailer
but his assistant eventually
took my headshot and...
She didn't even meet him?
No.
We're leaving.
- A snack?
- No.
- I'm starving!
- Well I can't help you.
Actors should always have
two different outdoor
headshot photos-
Stop. Stop reading that,
forever.
Yeah, I know.
What the fuck?!
What? What?
What the fuck?!
God, this is such
a stupid day.
Why are we the ones
doing this?
If Sally is stupid enough
to lose the cards,
how stupid are we to be chasing
after the cards?
No, we're not stupid.
She wasn't my pick.
You said that
we are one team.
Yeah, well now
I'm exhausted.
It's just Clem.
Not important.
That's a little mean.
Actually, it's super smart.
I'm not involving him in this,
that's wrong.
Kind of like the Fast
and Furious family.
They succeed
because they're family.
Clem is not family.
It's not that kind of family.
I'm not involving Clem
in this, ok?
Fine.
- Now he's calling me.
- Shit.
What do I do?
I don't know, well,
we can't both ignore him.
Just answer it.
Hey, Clem.
Hey, are you
with Rebecca?
Um, no, I'm at home.
I'm just in bed.
Oh.
I mean, I'm not in bed,
I'm at home.
Good, great.
No, me too.
Also at home in bed. Um...
Um, ok.
I will text Rebecca
for you, ok?
Ok, cool.
- Yeah, thanks, bye.
- Bye.
Thanks.
Yep.
Where is your car anyway?
It's a long story
with Jason.
Now I'm stuck taking...
Oh, my god!
What?
Sally doesn't drive.
Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
Oh shit!
- No, she doesn't.
- No.
- Mm-mm.
- No.
That bitch takes the bus.
Ah, you're in luck.
We did find a lost bag
that fits your description.
Oh, thank god.
Picked up on bus 108.
- Oh, yes!
- Awesome.
Can we please get it.
You sure can.
Let me just see what bin
it's in.
Ok.
Oh.
Oh? What oh?
Yeah, sorry girls.
Every 90 days we transfer
our lost and found items
to the local property office
for public auction.
Public auction?
Turns out we shipped
everything out last night,
your bag included.
Oh, my god.
Don't worry.
It probably hasn't been sorted
for auction so soon.
Just run down there
before they close.
Everything should be fine.
- Ok, thank you.
- Thank you so much!
- Have a good night!
- Bye.
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
Hey, do you have a credit card
if we need to bid on it?
Yeah, but like my limit is bust
this month, remember?
Becca, it's not gonna be
like a million dollars.
You don't know that.
Have you not seen those
garbage shoes on TV?
People bid like crazy
high amounts
on boxes they've never
even opened yet.
Do you mean garage shows?
Like Storage Hunters?
We're literally saying
the same thing, Zoe.
Ok, whatever.
Hopefully she is right
and we can get there on time
and it's not being auctioned.
Ok, just take a left after,
maybe...
After the what? Becca?
The property office isn't
just some random warehouse.
What do you mean?
Did you find their website yet?
Hold on Hold on.
Oh, ok I got it.
- Uh, ok. Most oversize items...
- It's not oversize!
Right, right, right.
"Should your item be of
general merchandise..."
Yeah, that's it.
Ok, "these single good
will be assembled
"into lots generated randomly
per date of arrival
"and weight comparatively."
Ok, got it.
Um... do they search the bag?
Um, um, um...
"Due investigation
will be conducted
"on all classified
private property
"with the exception of external
found goods
"from sanctioned and
or internal departments
"such as public libraries,
community centres
"and transit lost and found."
Yes! Great, fuck yes!
Ok, I think I got it.
Sanction request for found
personal property 101.
This part was actually legal.
Hi, Larry.
Hiya, hiya.
That is such a great name,
by the way.
Thank you.
My first dog
was named Larry.
Was it?
Mmmhmm. Yep.
Larry Lawrence.
Anyway, we got the runaround
from the Metro Vancouver Transit
L&F to retrieve an EFG.
- Ok, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah. Super.
Green reusable tote bag with a
little smiley face on the side.
Ok, yeah, yeah.
It actually got transferred
late last night
from the internal so it probably
hasn't been sorted
from bin to lot yet.
Oh, for sure,
for sure.
Ok.
Wow, I can't believe
that worked.
Oh, my god, good job.
The Vancouver Metro L&F.
Oh! I'm strong.
Oh.
- Oh, my god.
- Holy shit.
Ok.
That's what they pay me
the big bucks for.
Ok. Name for sign out.
Oh, um. Yes, yes.
Um, it is Anita Berger.
Anita Berger.
- B-E-R.
- Gotcha.
Alright, can I see an ID?
What?
An ID, Anita?
Yes, yes. Of course.
- Yay.
- I know.
Alright. Have a good one.
- Thank you so much.
- Thanks so much, Larry.
Okay, now.
- Bye!
- Bye.
Oh, my god.
It's ok, it's fine.
It was an accident.
Yeah, I accidentally gave a
fake ID to an actual officer.
Do you think, wait,
does that...
No, no, no, no.
No, Zoe!
Bad! Bad! Zoe!
One thing at a time, ok?
Say it.
One thing at a time.
That's right. One thing
at a time, ok?
And right now, what's important
is that we got the bag back...
Oh, fucking...
What?
Ugh! Ow!
Are you fucking
kidding me?!!!!!!