Fakes (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript
Teen drinking is very bad.
Yo, I got a fake ID though.
All good things
come to an end,
and by the things I mean
a sick penthouse,
matching super guards,
stupidly hot guys and vodka.
Way too much vodka.
Police! Nobody move!
Up against the wall!
Ahh!
Ok, that wasn't me,
that's Rebecca.
I'm Zoe, I'm over here.
Yeah, this is as bad
as it looks
and trust me it just
gets worse.
All of this is true.
Well, mostly-ish, the names
and the places had to change
to protect the not
so innocent.
This is the story of how
me and my best friend
accidentally built and lost one
of the largest fake ID empires
in North America and had
everything raided by the feds.
We were 18.
Here's my student card.
Thank you.
Oh, hey sis.
Didn't realize
that you were home.
Uh, yeah.
For a bit.
When did you get in?
Just now.
Hey, you can't keep doing this.
It's fine.
I'll be fine...
Jesus, I gotta go, ok?
Jason, please?
Are you good?
What?
That is not your money.
Bye, sis.
Fuck! What?
Zoe!
I need a ride.
I've known Rebecca
since I was six years old.
I love her like a sister
and once I actually pulled
my own tooth out
so she wouldn't feel
self-conscious
about losing baby teeth.
She forgets my
birthday sometimes.
Once. But it's cool.
Becca, I don't think that I-
♪ Unavailable ♪
♪ Unavailable ♪
♪ I love men that
are unavailable ♪
Why are you doing that
with your voice?
You know what?
Pull over.
What?
Oh shit.
Pull over!
Oh, god
Zoe.
You should have been there.
Oh, well I wasn't invited.
I invited you!
Yeah, but it's not
your house.
Oh, my god.
They have the fluffiest
dog ever.
Yeah, well, maybe next time.
Oh, Clem says hi.
He does?
Fuck.
Just gonna...
I'm good.
Are you going to go, or?
Just give it a minute.
Why? I'm fi-
Hey. Hey, what's this?
Wait, where did you
find that?
Cup holder.
Fake!
I lost mine tonight.
Who's your guy?
Oh. No, no, no.
It's not like that.
Not like what?
It's, uh... a student card
that I made.
You made this?!
Yeah. So I can study
at the library.
That is the most Zoe thing
I've ever heard.
Zoe seven at most.
Oh, I love you Zo'.
I love you too.
Can you make me one?
A UPC student card?
Mother no, dummy.
A fake ID.
Uh, I don't think so.
Whole thing, her idea.
What are you doing?
Shh. Just count.
One, what about
for like $400 bucks?
Becca no...
Just think about it.
Okay, Becca, Becca!
Just...
Ok, I'm driving, yeah.
Good Zo'.
Woah, woah, woah, woah.
Ok.
Fuck you, bitch!
Go ruin someone
else's family!
Come on.
Ok.
Oh.
Here.
Nice and comfy.
Good.
Toy.
Ok. Good night, Becca.
Hey, B?
Hm.
B?
What do you want?
Are you sure
I can take this?
Whatever. That's fine.
Everything's fine.
Jason.
- Hey, kiddo.
- Hey.
You're up late.
Yeah, just getting a snack.
Everything ok?
Yep.
Sure?
Ok.
One game?
Sure, why not.
That's my girl.
Once again, and I can't
possibly stress this enough.
The whole thing
was her idea.
I really just wanted to see
how hard it would be.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit.
Don't tip toe.
Stay pure.
What the shit is that?
It's nothing.
It's a birdhouse.
Just don't worry about it.
Whatever. Look, did you
come up last night?
I can't remember.
Yes, dummy.
Here.
- Can you just hold my birdhouse?
- I don't want your birdhouse.
- Hold my birdhouse.
- I don't want your birdhouse.
Take it!
Voila.
I lose mine last night.
Yeah, you told me.
The back is blank.
Yeah, it's just a prototype.
Wait, you made this?
You paid me.
Shit, I did?
How much?
You gave me like $400 dollars.
Doesn't matter.
- Zo'! You gotta teach me.
- Shhh!
Can't, I've got math.
Math is now.
Zoe!
Uh no, I am math.
Please!
Woo! Go Clem!
Go Clemy!
Send it, send it!
How are you guys?
Good. He's so beautiful.
I'm breaking up with him,
end of year, but-
Wait, what?
Great. So now tell me.
Teach me the thing.
The thing?
Please, Zo'.
Here? No way.
Nobody cares.
I know, but still.
I paid you. Didn't I?
Ok. But, I am not an expert.
I am an aspiring amateur,
at best.
You made this.
You literally created
this thing.
Yeah, but that's not anything
that a five-year-old couldn't
learn from the internet.
Hypothetically speaking,
start by downloading TOR
so your tracks are covered.
Next, you find templates
for the IDs.
Anything fake ID related has
been banned or taken down,
so novelty is the magic keyword
that you need.
After you have the templates,
open them in Photoshop.
Then it's really as easy
as click on the lines,
fill in the blanks and dragging
in your favourite selfie.
Wait, are you taking notes?
No?
Definite rising inflection.
Ok, fine. I was taking notes.
Yeah, well maybe don't.
Why not?
I don't know, I mean
you could just leave
a literal paper trail to
the police if you would like.
No one will care.
It's West Van.
We're in high school.
Yeah, but still.
Go Clem!
Fine.
Ok. So next you'll need
an old school printer.
Most photo printers work,
it's the PPI parameters
that matter.
PPI?
Pixels per inch.
You learned
all of this last night?
More or less.
Then you'll need a CR30 PVC
tray and blank PVC cards.
You had those?
For my student card...
yeah.
Tray costs less than
$20 on Amazon.
PVC cards are on Alibaba
for pennies.
Next, it's really as simple
as hitting print.
Are you fucking
kidding me?!
I totally could have figured
that out myself.
I thought it was going to be
like smart people stuff.
Love you baby!
Yeah, well that's how
I made yours.
I mean, more or less.
Well, we should make
one tonight.
No, I don't...
Aw!
You know you're
my best friend.
Me too?
Yep, I know.
Honestly, I don't know what
I do without you sometimes.
Yeah, you probably...
I love you, Zo',
I love you too.
Go Clem!
- Wait, is the game over?
- I guess so.
Oh, that was fun.
I didn't realize that
we were losing so badly.
Yeah. It happens.
You and Becca seemed
to be having a good time.
Uh, yeah.
We were trying to cheer
for you guys...
Hey, wait up!
Hey, Z, you free later,
or what?
Uh, yep, I think so.
Do you want to come
by mine
and work on that project
we were talking about?
Uh, I'm not sure.
- Come around 7:00, ok?
- Ok.
- See you then.
- See you.
Bye.
Yes?
Fuck. Ok, ok. Yeah, I'm coming,
I'm coming.
What's wrong with it?
I don't know.
Is it broken?
Not sure.
Want a pop tart?
What the hell is that?
I think I just broke
the printer.
- Ugh!
- Die, die!
Stop!
They cut five guys at
the rose ceremony this week.
Let's go.
I'm skipping a bit but
it'll make sense later.
How's it look?
It's ok, I think.
Let me see.
You're so getting that.
Actually, I don't really think
that I like the back.
Turn around.
You're an idiot.
No, it's fine.
Let me buy it for you.
- No.
- It will be like old times.
Ok, I would like that.
Thanks, Becca.
Mmmhmm.
Get out of this store.
Hey.
Hey, Becca. What's good?
Same old. This is my bestie,
Zoe.
- Yeah,
- Hi.
Dank. Dank.
Tryst. With a Y.
Dab me.
There you go.
So, are you also
an aspiring influencer, Z?
Shut up!
It's Zoe, but
that's totally fine.
Ugh! No, it's not fine.
I am sorry,
with a thousand suns
because our name is our identity
and we carry it with us
but then we give it to others,
so I will not be making
that mistake again.
Zoe.
Mmmhmm.
It's fine.
You were saying?
Oh, no, nothing.
I am no an inspiring influencer,
or otherwise-
Shut up!
Um, I am actually just trying
to get into physics.
Oh, I love quirks.
Tryst. We have something
for you.
We do.
Hey! That's me.
Where'd you find this?
We made it.
Oh, right on.
Do you think you can
move them?
Looks pretty good.
You test it yet?
Alaska, huh?
Yep.
123 Santa Claus Lane?
Yep.
I'm gonna confiscate these.
Run!
- Sorry!
- Hey!
I think... I think
we're good.
I think I'm just gonna
die here.
That was fun.
That was ridiculous.
Still.
Yeah, but, fricken
Santa Claus Lane?
I've never been to Alaska.
Yeah, but like,
the North Pole, like,
if anything Santa Claus
would be Canadian.
I didn't think they we're
gonna read that part.
I'm glad we did this.
Me too.
Wait, what is the deal
with Tryst?
He's single?
Oh. That's shocking.
Um, no, I mean, like,
like why are you...?
He's just a guy
with connections.
I'm just exploring options.
Don't worry about it, ok?
Ok.
You're Zoe, right?
Hi, Ken.
Have we met?
Our lockers have literally
been beside each other
for five years.
Just by reputation.
Ok, cool, cool.
Um...
So, I heard you're selling
fake IDs?
and I'm throwing this party
next week...
Nice to meet you, Zoe!
Oh, my god...
Zoe!
I'm fine.
Everything is fine.
Hey!
Get over here.
It's fourth period.
Are you 12?
We're skipping.
Hi, Zoe.
Come on.
Break a rule for once
in your life.
So, how did you think
this would end?
I'd get away and I'd drop
the hottest album of the year?
Yeah, no.
Turns out prison is just prison.
It's not Orange
is the New Black.
Although, full disclosure,
I actually haven't
even seen that show.
Everyone here is
so obsessed with it.
I don't know.
It's a little meta for me.
Anyways, it's how
I ended up here.
And Becca...
Hey everyone! I'm having
the best time.
Yeah, this is...
Wait, fuck that.
She's full of shit.
This is what really happened.
First of all, she was the one-
Yo, I got a fake ID though.
All good things
come to an end,
and by the things I mean
a sick penthouse,
matching super guards,
stupidly hot guys and vodka.
Way too much vodka.
Police! Nobody move!
Up against the wall!
Ahh!
Ok, that wasn't me,
that's Rebecca.
I'm Zoe, I'm over here.
Yeah, this is as bad
as it looks
and trust me it just
gets worse.
All of this is true.
Well, mostly-ish, the names
and the places had to change
to protect the not
so innocent.
This is the story of how
me and my best friend
accidentally built and lost one
of the largest fake ID empires
in North America and had
everything raided by the feds.
We were 18.
Here's my student card.
Thank you.
Oh, hey sis.
Didn't realize
that you were home.
Uh, yeah.
For a bit.
When did you get in?
Just now.
Hey, you can't keep doing this.
It's fine.
I'll be fine...
Jesus, I gotta go, ok?
Jason, please?
Are you good?
What?
That is not your money.
Bye, sis.
Fuck! What?
Zoe!
I need a ride.
I've known Rebecca
since I was six years old.
I love her like a sister
and once I actually pulled
my own tooth out
so she wouldn't feel
self-conscious
about losing baby teeth.
She forgets my
birthday sometimes.
Once. But it's cool.
Becca, I don't think that I-
♪ Unavailable ♪
♪ Unavailable ♪
♪ I love men that
are unavailable ♪
Why are you doing that
with your voice?
You know what?
Pull over.
What?
Oh shit.
Pull over!
Oh, god
Zoe.
You should have been there.
Oh, well I wasn't invited.
I invited you!
Yeah, but it's not
your house.
Oh, my god.
They have the fluffiest
dog ever.
Yeah, well, maybe next time.
Oh, Clem says hi.
He does?
Fuck.
Just gonna...
I'm good.
Are you going to go, or?
Just give it a minute.
Why? I'm fi-
Hey. Hey, what's this?
Wait, where did you
find that?
Cup holder.
Fake!
I lost mine tonight.
Who's your guy?
Oh. No, no, no.
It's not like that.
Not like what?
It's, uh... a student card
that I made.
You made this?!
Yeah. So I can study
at the library.
That is the most Zoe thing
I've ever heard.
Zoe seven at most.
Oh, I love you Zo'.
I love you too.
Can you make me one?
A UPC student card?
Mother no, dummy.
A fake ID.
Uh, I don't think so.
Whole thing, her idea.
What are you doing?
Shh. Just count.
One, what about
for like $400 bucks?
Becca no...
Just think about it.
Okay, Becca, Becca!
Just...
Ok, I'm driving, yeah.
Good Zo'.
Woah, woah, woah, woah.
Ok.
Fuck you, bitch!
Go ruin someone
else's family!
Come on.
Ok.
Oh.
Here.
Nice and comfy.
Good.
Toy.
Ok. Good night, Becca.
Hey, B?
Hm.
B?
What do you want?
Are you sure
I can take this?
Whatever. That's fine.
Everything's fine.
Jason.
- Hey, kiddo.
- Hey.
You're up late.
Yeah, just getting a snack.
Everything ok?
Yep.
Sure?
Ok.
One game?
Sure, why not.
That's my girl.
Once again, and I can't
possibly stress this enough.
The whole thing
was her idea.
I really just wanted to see
how hard it would be.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit.
Don't tip toe.
Stay pure.
What the shit is that?
It's nothing.
It's a birdhouse.
Just don't worry about it.
Whatever. Look, did you
come up last night?
I can't remember.
Yes, dummy.
Here.
- Can you just hold my birdhouse?
- I don't want your birdhouse.
- Hold my birdhouse.
- I don't want your birdhouse.
Take it!
Voila.
I lose mine last night.
Yeah, you told me.
The back is blank.
Yeah, it's just a prototype.
Wait, you made this?
You paid me.
Shit, I did?
How much?
You gave me like $400 dollars.
Doesn't matter.
- Zo'! You gotta teach me.
- Shhh!
Can't, I've got math.
Math is now.
Zoe!
Uh no, I am math.
Please!
Woo! Go Clem!
Go Clemy!
Send it, send it!
How are you guys?
Good. He's so beautiful.
I'm breaking up with him,
end of year, but-
Wait, what?
Great. So now tell me.
Teach me the thing.
The thing?
Please, Zo'.
Here? No way.
Nobody cares.
I know, but still.
I paid you. Didn't I?
Ok. But, I am not an expert.
I am an aspiring amateur,
at best.
You made this.
You literally created
this thing.
Yeah, but that's not anything
that a five-year-old couldn't
learn from the internet.
Hypothetically speaking,
start by downloading TOR
so your tracks are covered.
Next, you find templates
for the IDs.
Anything fake ID related has
been banned or taken down,
so novelty is the magic keyword
that you need.
After you have the templates,
open them in Photoshop.
Then it's really as easy
as click on the lines,
fill in the blanks and dragging
in your favourite selfie.
Wait, are you taking notes?
No?
Definite rising inflection.
Ok, fine. I was taking notes.
Yeah, well maybe don't.
Why not?
I don't know, I mean
you could just leave
a literal paper trail to
the police if you would like.
No one will care.
It's West Van.
We're in high school.
Yeah, but still.
Go Clem!
Fine.
Ok. So next you'll need
an old school printer.
Most photo printers work,
it's the PPI parameters
that matter.
PPI?
Pixels per inch.
You learned
all of this last night?
More or less.
Then you'll need a CR30 PVC
tray and blank PVC cards.
You had those?
For my student card...
yeah.
Tray costs less than
$20 on Amazon.
PVC cards are on Alibaba
for pennies.
Next, it's really as simple
as hitting print.
Are you fucking
kidding me?!
I totally could have figured
that out myself.
I thought it was going to be
like smart people stuff.
Love you baby!
Yeah, well that's how
I made yours.
I mean, more or less.
Well, we should make
one tonight.
No, I don't...
Aw!
You know you're
my best friend.
Me too?
Yep, I know.
Honestly, I don't know what
I do without you sometimes.
Yeah, you probably...
I love you, Zo',
I love you too.
Go Clem!
- Wait, is the game over?
- I guess so.
Oh, that was fun.
I didn't realize that
we were losing so badly.
Yeah. It happens.
You and Becca seemed
to be having a good time.
Uh, yeah.
We were trying to cheer
for you guys...
Hey, wait up!
Hey, Z, you free later,
or what?
Uh, yep, I think so.
Do you want to come
by mine
and work on that project
we were talking about?
Uh, I'm not sure.
- Come around 7:00, ok?
- Ok.
- See you then.
- See you.
Bye.
Yes?
Fuck. Ok, ok. Yeah, I'm coming,
I'm coming.
What's wrong with it?
I don't know.
Is it broken?
Not sure.
Want a pop tart?
What the hell is that?
I think I just broke
the printer.
- Ugh!
- Die, die!
Stop!
They cut five guys at
the rose ceremony this week.
Let's go.
I'm skipping a bit but
it'll make sense later.
How's it look?
It's ok, I think.
Let me see.
You're so getting that.
Actually, I don't really think
that I like the back.
Turn around.
You're an idiot.
No, it's fine.
Let me buy it for you.
- No.
- It will be like old times.
Ok, I would like that.
Thanks, Becca.
Mmmhmm.
Get out of this store.
Hey.
Hey, Becca. What's good?
Same old. This is my bestie,
Zoe.
- Yeah,
- Hi.
Dank. Dank.
Tryst. With a Y.
Dab me.
There you go.
So, are you also
an aspiring influencer, Z?
Shut up!
It's Zoe, but
that's totally fine.
Ugh! No, it's not fine.
I am sorry,
with a thousand suns
because our name is our identity
and we carry it with us
but then we give it to others,
so I will not be making
that mistake again.
Zoe.
Mmmhmm.
It's fine.
You were saying?
Oh, no, nothing.
I am no an inspiring influencer,
or otherwise-
Shut up!
Um, I am actually just trying
to get into physics.
Oh, I love quirks.
Tryst. We have something
for you.
We do.
Hey! That's me.
Where'd you find this?
We made it.
Oh, right on.
Do you think you can
move them?
Looks pretty good.
You test it yet?
Alaska, huh?
Yep.
123 Santa Claus Lane?
Yep.
I'm gonna confiscate these.
Run!
- Sorry!
- Hey!
I think... I think
we're good.
I think I'm just gonna
die here.
That was fun.
That was ridiculous.
Still.
Yeah, but, fricken
Santa Claus Lane?
I've never been to Alaska.
Yeah, but like,
the North Pole, like,
if anything Santa Claus
would be Canadian.
I didn't think they we're
gonna read that part.
I'm glad we did this.
Me too.
Wait, what is the deal
with Tryst?
He's single?
Oh. That's shocking.
Um, no, I mean, like,
like why are you...?
He's just a guy
with connections.
I'm just exploring options.
Don't worry about it, ok?
Ok.
You're Zoe, right?
Hi, Ken.
Have we met?
Our lockers have literally
been beside each other
for five years.
Just by reputation.
Ok, cool, cool.
Um...
So, I heard you're selling
fake IDs?
and I'm throwing this party
next week...
Nice to meet you, Zoe!
Oh, my god...
Zoe!
I'm fine.
Everything is fine.
Hey!
Get over here.
It's fourth period.
Are you 12?
We're skipping.
Hi, Zoe.
Come on.
Break a rule for once
in your life.
So, how did you think
this would end?
I'd get away and I'd drop
the hottest album of the year?
Yeah, no.
Turns out prison is just prison.
It's not Orange
is the New Black.
Although, full disclosure,
I actually haven't
even seen that show.
Everyone here is
so obsessed with it.
I don't know.
It's a little meta for me.
Anyways, it's how
I ended up here.
And Becca...
Hey everyone! I'm having
the best time.
Yeah, this is...
Wait, fuck that.
She's full of shit.
This is what really happened.
First of all, she was the one-