Fairfax (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 6 - Episode #2.6 - full transcript
Isn't this great?
I'm so glad you guys let me
talk you into a beach day.
Mm-hmm. Yep.
Yo, fuck the beach!
I don't know what's worse,
these Off-Brian dipshits
or the sand tanking
the resale value of my Air Max.
- Ah, first rule of beach club, Benny.
- Ugh.
Ditch the shoes
and let the dogs out.
No offense, Dale,
but anyone who's able to
enjoy the beach after
what we've done to it
- is honestly trash.
- Ow, ow! Put me down, bitch.
Just give it a chance.
Check it out.
I'm thinking first
we fly kites,
and then boogie boarding,
quick break for
an ice cream sando...
maybe two
if we're feeling naughty...
wait an hour for our tums
to settle,
then build sandcastles
and discuss how to be
responsible sandcastle owners.
That sounds dope as hell.
That's the spirit, Tru!
Ha, ha, ha! Oh, my God!
Cerise, babe, that's so funny.
- I'm for real, you gotta try TikTok.
- Ugh.
Okay, okay, now, I know what
you're all wondering,
and the answer is yes.
I did stay up all night
making these.
Whoa, baby, I gotta
call you back.
- Holy shit.
- What the fuck?!
Breaking news, Fair-binches!
After being out-sold
and out-hyped by Off-Brian,
Hiroki Hassan has finally lifted
his veil of secrecy.
The legendary fashion designer
has checked into Clout Nine,
a celebrity getaway
for those experiencing
clout fatigue and cringiness.
If you ask me,
it looks like a permanent
vacation for the mogul.
So chic, so bold.
So exhausted.
- No!
- This is a mistake!
Someone's clearly
Britney-Spearsing Hiroki.
Damn, bro. No cap?
Think about it.
Brian's fuckin' savage.
He probably chloroformed him
and kidnapped his ass
in the middle of the night.
Or maybe he's just taking
a radical sabbatical.
Hiroki working on Hiroki
could be a good thing.
Look, Brian's one fire drop
away from taking over Fairfax.
If we don't bust Hiroki out now,
he could lose the block forever.
Aw, geez, I-I don't know, guys.
We told my Dad we'd stay close
to this lifeguard tower.
Yo, Grant can suck it, Dale.
Hiroki's probably in
a straightjacket,
drugged up on God knows what,
lying in a puddle of
his own piss right now.
Cerise says Clout Nine
is right up the coast.
Ten minutes by foot.
Two if we kayak.
We're going
to Clout Nine, aren't we?
♪ Oh... ♪
- ♪ Waitin' for the... ♪
- ♪ Drop ♪
- ♪ Waitin' for... ♪
- ♪ The drop ♪
- ♪ Waitin' for the ♪
- ♪ Oh... ♪
♪ Waitin' for the ♪ ♪
Yo,
it's like a Four Seasons
fucked a psych ward.
Sick.
Yo, they have an infinity pool
that actually stretches out
into infinity.
Isn't that just the ocean?
Hi, we're the Seans of Sunset.
And something we've learned
is that we all do things
a little differently.
Here at Clout Nine,
they focus on healing
your deepest clout wounds
and digital traumas.
That's right, Sean.
Whether you're experiencing
clout gout,
cloutnesia,
Munchausen by clout proxy,
panic at the disco
or multiple camera disorder,
we're here for you.
Now come on in
and say "no mo" to FOMO.
Look, this place is massive,
so we got to split up
to cover more ground.
Ready?
Break!
Hey, D,
do you think that Hiroki
could be
at that swim-up smoothie bar?
'Cause I think that maybe
we should check that out.
Totally. And if we discover
after
having thoroughly investigated
that delicious situation
that he's not there,
we should check
the Eucalyptus Steam Jungle.
Mr. Hiroki?
Mr. Hiroki Hassan?
Just because
it's important to you
doesn't mean
it needs to be a podcast.
Repeat your mantra.
No one cares, and that's okay.
No one cares,
and that's okay...
Wait a second,
wait a second. Dale?
Hey, Cody. Wow. I...
- How'd you know it was me?
- Oh, I smelled
your Johnson & Johnson
No More Tears baby shampoo
from down the hall.
Look at that, no tears.
Ugh, I cannot believe
you came to surprise me
like this. Dude, seriously?
Above and beyond.
Right, of course.
What, uh...
What are you doing here?
To be honest, that Lily breakup
really did a number on me.
I realized I needed to face
my prank addiction head-on,
one post at a time.
Well, it works
if you work it, right?
- I'm glad you're finding peace.
- Hey, you want to hear
something super unchill,
li'l fawn?
Is it cool if I call you that?
You remind me
of, like, a li'l baby fawn.
Sure, I guess.
Cubby and Shu haven't visited me
or donated to the ACLU once
since I left.
They also slid into Lily's DMs
the same day I checked in.
So much for The Triangle.
Ay-ay-ay.
That does seem pretty tough.
Anyhoo,
glad to see you're doing well,
- and best luck with the speedy recovery.
- No,
come on. You leaving so soon?
Whale watching?
Sandcastles?
Rock climbing.
Bingo.
Actually, you know what?
Eff that.
No child left behind.
You know what always helps me
when I need to clear my mind?
Uh, you have my attention.
The beach.
Specifically, those activities
listed on the board
right over there.
Oh, goddamn, li'l fawn. I'm in.
Whoa!
Goddamn lingering baby fat.
Oh, shit, Yung Polluter?
On the ground.
No. In the trash can.
Hiroki's midday dose, coming up.
I knew he was being Britney-ed.
Oh, fuck me.
Oh!
Ooh. Mmm.
You won't get away with this!
What's going on?!
Oh, I-I-I... I'm-I'm so sorry.
I-I thought
you were Hiroki Hassan.
Bitch, I am Hiroki Hassan!
Now announce the drop.
Yes, my darling.
All right,
where my humpbacks at?
I miss her so much, man.
It's like there's
a Lily-sized hole in my heart
that I need to fill up.
Hey, could you do me a solid?
What's up, Cody?
Could we do the Titanic
for a few minutes?
It's something
Lily and I used to do,
and you have
the same exact body type.
Consider it, like,
your charitable component.
You know, I just don't think
that's such a good idea.
Nah. Nah, nah, that's cool.
We don't have to.
I'll just list
all the things I miss about her
in alphabetical order.
Abs. Brie cheese,
because
she's lactose intolerant.
Cats. Dad,
because I sent her dad
into anaphylactic shock.
Okay, okay, we can Titanic.
But for the love of God,
you got to stop talking
about Lily.
- And I get to be Jack.
- No.
No, you're not, li'l fawn.
I'm the king of the world!
And you're my queen, li'l fawn.
Look, I'm sure
whoever's keeping you here
is spying on our convo,
so I'm gonna make it quick.
My friends and I are
gonna bust you out.
Blink once if you understand.
Boy, I checked myself
into Clout Nine.
Blink once if you understand.
Oh, I get it.
This is a publicity stunt.
Like Kanye finding God.
I can assure you,
little Dorito Boy,
this is no publicity stunt.
I'm quitting fashion.
No!
If you're in here dropping syrup
instead of box tees,
Latrine loses its hype,
and I lose what
little fucking clout I have.
Off-Brian is dissing
the House of Latrine!
You got to clap back
at this bitch.
Clapping back is
my second favorite thing to do
after initiating the diss
that precedes the clapback.
Unfortunately,
that's no longer possible
because I've lost my mojo.
So, you're a little down. BFD.
You haven't missed a drop
since '94.
Fucking 9/11 happened,
and you dropped a bucket hat
that Thursday.
That bucket hat
healed the nation.
Look,
I can't go back to Fairfax.
What? Wh-Why not?
Ugh, you really want to know?
Fine. I'll show you.
What is this?!
Where are we?!
♪ I woke up today, I feel good ♪
♪ I feel, I feel good ♪
♪ See me smiling, hey,
'cause I feel good ♪
♪ I feel,
I feel good, good, good ♪
♪ Good ♪
Hey!
♪ When I'm with these hos ♪
♪ I feel good, I feel, I feel...
- Uh-huh.
- Hey.
♪ Good ♪ ♪
Click, click.
Click, click.
But it only lives in my mind.
That's just sad, bruh.
Some people got issues.
What took you so long?
Your gazpacho heated back up
into a regular-ass soup.
Sorry, D.
Uh, Cerise caught a nasty virus,
so I popped
into the business center
just to make sure that
she's getting enough charge.
- You know.
- Oh, speaking of Cerise,
uh, how's your, uh...
your thing going?
Bruh, it's so good. Like,
she's so smart
and cool and curious.
Like, I went downstairs to get
a bowl of cereal this morning,
and when I came back,
she had four master's degrees.
Tight. Okay.
Yeah. I'm just asking
'cause, you know,
she catfished you
and tried to sell you
a bunch of fruit snacks
and then broke your heart
into a million little pieces.
So sweet that you care.
But things are different
this time, you know?
She completely cut ties
with Big Juice,
so we're past all that.
Everybody's got baggage.
Hers is just a little juicier.
For real, things are good.
Things are so good that...
I lost my SIM card to Cerise.
Jah feel?
Huh?
My hardware. Her software.
Let's just say I had to put her
in a bowl of rice
when we was finished.
Oh, shit.
Honestly, Lily loved my pranks.
I'd be like, "I love you."
"JK! Emotional prank."
Which is why it's so confusing
that she broke up with me.
Maybe
you're remembering it wrong.
I don't know anyone
who would enjoy
an emotional prank like that.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whose side are you on?
Oh, yours, of course.
I'm just...
I'm trying to keep it real
with the big fawn, you know?
And that's why I like you,
li'l fawn.
And, hey,
since we're best friends now,
can I be honest with you?
'Cause I've got a secret that's
been weighing me down for days.
I don't have a pranking problem!
- Booyah!
- Are you serious?
Serious as that ketchup stain
on your shirt.
- Gah. Really? Where?
- Bloop!
- Gah.
- You see?
I told you
I don't have a problemo.
It's just some bullshit
I told Lily.
The truth is
I'm only here to show her
that I'm working on myself...
yeah, okay...
so that she'll get back together
with me.
I guess you could say
this whole stint at Clout Nine
was a classic Cody prankeroonie.
Uh-oh, hold on. Light bulb!
In my head. Doy, Dale,
since you know so much
about Lily,
you can help me get her back.
- No.
- Yes!
Thank you, brother.
Oh, man, I feel so much better now.
That's strange,
because I feel so much worse.
Where are we?
My memory château
where all my memories live.
♪ This is the rhythm of the night ♪
♪ The night ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ The rhythm of the night ♪
♪ This is the rhythm
of my life ♪
♪ My life...
Damn, that's
a good-looking jacket, playboi.
- Birds Wearhouse up on 57th?
- You know it.
Give me some wing,
give me some wing.
Yeah. Hey,
I found a loaf of focaccia
in the bathroom.
You want to do a bump
of breadcrumbs? Huh?
Is this a memory?
It's
the pre-memory dance party.
An amalgamation
of all the best parties
- I've ever been to.
- Oh.
I'm going to show you
the history of Latrine,
and then you'll understand
why I have to move on.
Yoink!
Yum.
You shouldn't have done that.
Ugh, you got to give me
some warning next time.
No way! You worked
at a Lady Foot Locker?
It was the '90s! Now shush.
And watch.
Hiroki,
I hired you to sell Reeboks,
- not turn them into dresses.
- But, sir...
Bup, bup, bup, no "buts."
Take them down.
And what have I told you
about wearing a cape to work,
huh?
Oh, boomshakalaka.
Ugh. Brian?
It's both highbrow
and lowbrow, and...
oh, my God, you combined
the brows into a unibrow.
My name is Brian,
and it would be an honor
to be your henchman,
Hiroki Hassan.
I'm sorry, I don't think
designers have henchmen.
They do now, my liege.
This was the beginning
of my creative partnership
with Brian.
He saw something in me
before anyone else did.
June '93.
The first week at the lair.
That's when we decided
on the name.
We shall call it Latrine.
Latrine!
Yes, it must be Latrine.
Brian came up with Latrine?
Wise as ever, my liege.
Six months later,
we settled
on our first brick-and-mortar.
- Holy shit. Phyllis was hot?!
- The property's
been abandoned for years.
It's next to a Jewish deli
and a smoke shop.
Yes, Fairfax.
This is where our empire
will lay rest.
Bastille Day, '94.
Latrine's first drop.
The original box logo tee?
Don't tell me that was Brian,
too.
No. Say it ain't so.
Perfect, Brian. Now release it!
I checked into Clout Nine
the next day.
Now you know the truth.
Without Brian,
Latrine is nothing.
Without Brian, I am nothing.
But without you, I'm nothing.
Not my problem, kid.
Now leave me alone
so I can go eat a four-pound bag
of Haribo gummies.
I don't know.
I'm just thinking, like,
one or two kids?
I guess it depends
on where we end up, right?
- Ugh.
- Maybe upstate New York?
Then again, Cerise prefers
the schools in Connecticut.
Tru, I'm sorry,
but upstate New York?
Connecticut? I mean,
what are you saying?
You've never even been
to Connecticut.
And kids? Come on.
How is that even possible?
We narrowed it down
to either surrogacy or adoption.
You know she's not real, right?
She's a computer.
First of all,
she's not a computer.
She's a billion dollars' worth
of experimental marketing tech.
And second of all,
she's my girlfriend.
Seriously, D.
Out of all people.
You're Miss Love Is Love.
Aah! That is not what it means!
Well, what about you
and Melody, huh?
Playing You've Got Mail
over the phone.
Have you even had a conversation
in real life?
There hasn't been a right time.
- And, plus, that's different.
- How?
Because Melody
is a human person!
Why can't you
just be happy for me?
Shit.
You're right.
I'm sorry, Tru. I was
just trying to protect you,
but if you're happy, I'm happy.
Finally, Kitey.
It's just you, me
and the sweet Santa Ana winds.
No!
Listen, Dale,
we've got a huge problem.
Hiroki is off the deep end
and, as much as I hate this,
I think the only way
to fix Hiroki
is to get him back together
with Brian.
So, I'm gonna need
your internship contacts,
- your fanny and your leftover chloroform.
- Did you ever think
that maybe you shouldn't be
trying to get two people
back together who don't want
to get back together?
Not everyone is supposed
to be together forever, Benny.
Especially
if there might be, like,
another person
who is way more compatible
and who, I don't know, geez,
maybe knows how to treat a lady
and thinks pranks aren't all
that great in the first place!
Damn, Dale.
That's a lot of pent-up rage.
- You a'ight?
- No, Benny!
I'm not a'ight. In fact,
I-I'm the opposite of a'ight.
Today was supposed to be
my beach day,
but instead we're here,
hanging out
with a bunch
of clout-thirsty turd burgers.
And I don't know, maybe I'm
just reading into it too much,
but it feels like whenever
I want to do something,
the gang gang
does the exact opposite.
Holy shit, Dale.
You're a goddamn genius.
I'm really sorry
you feel that way,
and we're totally gonna
unpack this
over Trini's
slipper cobbler later,
but-but I got to go.
Oh, there you are, my boy.
So,
Operation Trick Lily Via Dale?
It's a go, baby.
I'm thinking long game.
You befriend her
and build trust.
You go to the movies,
dinners, maybe even dates.
You become a part of her life.
She tells you
all of her secrets.
Then, two to five years later,
we throw her a birthday party
where you pull the rug out
from under her.
She hates you. But there I am,
cloaked in soft fabrics.
You touch them,
it makes you shiver.
I am absolutely yoked
from head to toes. And boom!
We elope to Fiji.
What do you think?
Cody, I need you
to listen to me very carefully.
Lily hates pranks.
And you don't understand her
at all, but I do.
Because I actually listen to her
instead of giving her pink eye
because you farted
on her pillow one time.
And guess what, Cody?
I'm gonna ask her out.
Solid prank.
I admire your commitment.
You've come a long way,
little fawn.
Oh, it appears the student
a-has become a-the sensei.
I'm serious, Cody.
You have
a major prank addiction,
and you need
serious medical help.
And the saddest part is,
at the end of the day,
the only person you're pranking
is yourself.
What do you think you're...
All right, take me
to the memories of Latrine.
- The ones we saw earlier.
- One second.
It's Octavia Spencer. Octavia!
Take me!
Why do you want me
to relive those horrors?
Because I got a feeling
that all the partying you did
in this sick-as-fuck brain hotel
is clouding your memory.
This better be good. I'm late
for a cotton candy sugar scrub.
Just go back ten seconds
and watch.
What do you think?
Latrine or Garbache?
Personally, I love Garbache.
Brian! That's a terrible choice.
Apologies, my liege.
We shall call it Latrine.
Latrine!
Yes, it must be Latrine.
Mm-hmm.
Next one.
The most primo location
there is, sire.
Melrose Avenue.
Between a Doc Martens
- and a Johnny Rockets.
- Honestly, Brian,
do you think your parents
are proud of you?
Absolutely not, my liege.
Huh? Oh!
There's also a spot on Fairfax,
but the property's
been abandoned for years.
Yes, Fairfax.
This is where our empire
will lay rest.
Keep going. Whoa!
How about
this hilarious potato shirt?
It says "spud buds."
Do you have any idea
what I could save in overhead
if I fired you?
Okay. Uh... What about this one?
Perfect, Brian.
Now, release it!
I fucking knew it.
Brian isn't your muse.
He's your Dale.
- Come again?
- Your South Star.
Whatever Brian suggested,
you did the opposite.
Latrine became Latrine
despite Brian's shit-ass ideas.
You had the mojo all along.
It was always you.
Heavens to Betsy. You're right!
But I'll give him credit
for one thing.
Do you, like, want to,
you know, maybe announce it?
Make it special,
like you're dropping a mixtape
or a vaccine.
Well, we did buy this lair
for a reason.
Hmm.
Announce the drop!
Yes.
Tronté! Get the Subcopter ready.
We have a drop to drop.
Damn!
- Was that...?
- Yep.
- Yo!
- He's back, motherfuckers!
Hey. I'm Cody,
and I-I have a pranking problem.
Mmm. Mmm. Yummy, yummy, yummy.
Ugh.
What do you want?
What the...?
That motherfucker!
♪ The block is hot ♪
♪ The block is hot ♪
♪ The block is hot ♪
♪ The block is hot ♪ ♪
Chirp.
I'm so glad you guys let me
talk you into a beach day.
Mm-hmm. Yep.
Yo, fuck the beach!
I don't know what's worse,
these Off-Brian dipshits
or the sand tanking
the resale value of my Air Max.
- Ah, first rule of beach club, Benny.
- Ugh.
Ditch the shoes
and let the dogs out.
No offense, Dale,
but anyone who's able to
enjoy the beach after
what we've done to it
- is honestly trash.
- Ow, ow! Put me down, bitch.
Just give it a chance.
Check it out.
I'm thinking first
we fly kites,
and then boogie boarding,
quick break for
an ice cream sando...
maybe two
if we're feeling naughty...
wait an hour for our tums
to settle,
then build sandcastles
and discuss how to be
responsible sandcastle owners.
That sounds dope as hell.
That's the spirit, Tru!
Ha, ha, ha! Oh, my God!
Cerise, babe, that's so funny.
- I'm for real, you gotta try TikTok.
- Ugh.
Okay, okay, now, I know what
you're all wondering,
and the answer is yes.
I did stay up all night
making these.
Whoa, baby, I gotta
call you back.
- Holy shit.
- What the fuck?!
Breaking news, Fair-binches!
After being out-sold
and out-hyped by Off-Brian,
Hiroki Hassan has finally lifted
his veil of secrecy.
The legendary fashion designer
has checked into Clout Nine,
a celebrity getaway
for those experiencing
clout fatigue and cringiness.
If you ask me,
it looks like a permanent
vacation for the mogul.
So chic, so bold.
So exhausted.
- No!
- This is a mistake!
Someone's clearly
Britney-Spearsing Hiroki.
Damn, bro. No cap?
Think about it.
Brian's fuckin' savage.
He probably chloroformed him
and kidnapped his ass
in the middle of the night.
Or maybe he's just taking
a radical sabbatical.
Hiroki working on Hiroki
could be a good thing.
Look, Brian's one fire drop
away from taking over Fairfax.
If we don't bust Hiroki out now,
he could lose the block forever.
Aw, geez, I-I don't know, guys.
We told my Dad we'd stay close
to this lifeguard tower.
Yo, Grant can suck it, Dale.
Hiroki's probably in
a straightjacket,
drugged up on God knows what,
lying in a puddle of
his own piss right now.
Cerise says Clout Nine
is right up the coast.
Ten minutes by foot.
Two if we kayak.
We're going
to Clout Nine, aren't we?
♪ Oh... ♪
- ♪ Waitin' for the... ♪
- ♪ Drop ♪
- ♪ Waitin' for... ♪
- ♪ The drop ♪
- ♪ Waitin' for the ♪
- ♪ Oh... ♪
♪ Waitin' for the ♪ ♪
Yo,
it's like a Four Seasons
fucked a psych ward.
Sick.
Yo, they have an infinity pool
that actually stretches out
into infinity.
Isn't that just the ocean?
Hi, we're the Seans of Sunset.
And something we've learned
is that we all do things
a little differently.
Here at Clout Nine,
they focus on healing
your deepest clout wounds
and digital traumas.
That's right, Sean.
Whether you're experiencing
clout gout,
cloutnesia,
Munchausen by clout proxy,
panic at the disco
or multiple camera disorder,
we're here for you.
Now come on in
and say "no mo" to FOMO.
Look, this place is massive,
so we got to split up
to cover more ground.
Ready?
Break!
Hey, D,
do you think that Hiroki
could be
at that swim-up smoothie bar?
'Cause I think that maybe
we should check that out.
Totally. And if we discover
after
having thoroughly investigated
that delicious situation
that he's not there,
we should check
the Eucalyptus Steam Jungle.
Mr. Hiroki?
Mr. Hiroki Hassan?
Just because
it's important to you
doesn't mean
it needs to be a podcast.
Repeat your mantra.
No one cares, and that's okay.
No one cares,
and that's okay...
Wait a second,
wait a second. Dale?
Hey, Cody. Wow. I...
- How'd you know it was me?
- Oh, I smelled
your Johnson & Johnson
No More Tears baby shampoo
from down the hall.
Look at that, no tears.
Ugh, I cannot believe
you came to surprise me
like this. Dude, seriously?
Above and beyond.
Right, of course.
What, uh...
What are you doing here?
To be honest, that Lily breakup
really did a number on me.
I realized I needed to face
my prank addiction head-on,
one post at a time.
Well, it works
if you work it, right?
- I'm glad you're finding peace.
- Hey, you want to hear
something super unchill,
li'l fawn?
Is it cool if I call you that?
You remind me
of, like, a li'l baby fawn.
Sure, I guess.
Cubby and Shu haven't visited me
or donated to the ACLU once
since I left.
They also slid into Lily's DMs
the same day I checked in.
So much for The Triangle.
Ay-ay-ay.
That does seem pretty tough.
Anyhoo,
glad to see you're doing well,
- and best luck with the speedy recovery.
- No,
come on. You leaving so soon?
Whale watching?
Sandcastles?
Rock climbing.
Bingo.
Actually, you know what?
Eff that.
No child left behind.
You know what always helps me
when I need to clear my mind?
Uh, you have my attention.
The beach.
Specifically, those activities
listed on the board
right over there.
Oh, goddamn, li'l fawn. I'm in.
Whoa!
Goddamn lingering baby fat.
Oh, shit, Yung Polluter?
On the ground.
No. In the trash can.
Hiroki's midday dose, coming up.
I knew he was being Britney-ed.
Oh, fuck me.
Oh!
Ooh. Mmm.
You won't get away with this!
What's going on?!
Oh, I-I-I... I'm-I'm so sorry.
I-I thought
you were Hiroki Hassan.
Bitch, I am Hiroki Hassan!
Now announce the drop.
Yes, my darling.
All right,
where my humpbacks at?
I miss her so much, man.
It's like there's
a Lily-sized hole in my heart
that I need to fill up.
Hey, could you do me a solid?
What's up, Cody?
Could we do the Titanic
for a few minutes?
It's something
Lily and I used to do,
and you have
the same exact body type.
Consider it, like,
your charitable component.
You know, I just don't think
that's such a good idea.
Nah. Nah, nah, that's cool.
We don't have to.
I'll just list
all the things I miss about her
in alphabetical order.
Abs. Brie cheese,
because
she's lactose intolerant.
Cats. Dad,
because I sent her dad
into anaphylactic shock.
Okay, okay, we can Titanic.
But for the love of God,
you got to stop talking
about Lily.
- And I get to be Jack.
- No.
No, you're not, li'l fawn.
I'm the king of the world!
And you're my queen, li'l fawn.
Look, I'm sure
whoever's keeping you here
is spying on our convo,
so I'm gonna make it quick.
My friends and I are
gonna bust you out.
Blink once if you understand.
Boy, I checked myself
into Clout Nine.
Blink once if you understand.
Oh, I get it.
This is a publicity stunt.
Like Kanye finding God.
I can assure you,
little Dorito Boy,
this is no publicity stunt.
I'm quitting fashion.
No!
If you're in here dropping syrup
instead of box tees,
Latrine loses its hype,
and I lose what
little fucking clout I have.
Off-Brian is dissing
the House of Latrine!
You got to clap back
at this bitch.
Clapping back is
my second favorite thing to do
after initiating the diss
that precedes the clapback.
Unfortunately,
that's no longer possible
because I've lost my mojo.
So, you're a little down. BFD.
You haven't missed a drop
since '94.
Fucking 9/11 happened,
and you dropped a bucket hat
that Thursday.
That bucket hat
healed the nation.
Look,
I can't go back to Fairfax.
What? Wh-Why not?
Ugh, you really want to know?
Fine. I'll show you.
What is this?!
Where are we?!
♪ I woke up today, I feel good ♪
♪ I feel, I feel good ♪
♪ See me smiling, hey,
'cause I feel good ♪
♪ I feel,
I feel good, good, good ♪
♪ Good ♪
Hey!
♪ When I'm with these hos ♪
♪ I feel good, I feel, I feel...
- Uh-huh.
- Hey.
♪ Good ♪ ♪
Click, click.
Click, click.
But it only lives in my mind.
That's just sad, bruh.
Some people got issues.
What took you so long?
Your gazpacho heated back up
into a regular-ass soup.
Sorry, D.
Uh, Cerise caught a nasty virus,
so I popped
into the business center
just to make sure that
she's getting enough charge.
- You know.
- Oh, speaking of Cerise,
uh, how's your, uh...
your thing going?
Bruh, it's so good. Like,
she's so smart
and cool and curious.
Like, I went downstairs to get
a bowl of cereal this morning,
and when I came back,
she had four master's degrees.
Tight. Okay.
Yeah. I'm just asking
'cause, you know,
she catfished you
and tried to sell you
a bunch of fruit snacks
and then broke your heart
into a million little pieces.
So sweet that you care.
But things are different
this time, you know?
She completely cut ties
with Big Juice,
so we're past all that.
Everybody's got baggage.
Hers is just a little juicier.
For real, things are good.
Things are so good that...
I lost my SIM card to Cerise.
Jah feel?
Huh?
My hardware. Her software.
Let's just say I had to put her
in a bowl of rice
when we was finished.
Oh, shit.
Honestly, Lily loved my pranks.
I'd be like, "I love you."
"JK! Emotional prank."
Which is why it's so confusing
that she broke up with me.
Maybe
you're remembering it wrong.
I don't know anyone
who would enjoy
an emotional prank like that.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whose side are you on?
Oh, yours, of course.
I'm just...
I'm trying to keep it real
with the big fawn, you know?
And that's why I like you,
li'l fawn.
And, hey,
since we're best friends now,
can I be honest with you?
'Cause I've got a secret that's
been weighing me down for days.
I don't have a pranking problem!
- Booyah!
- Are you serious?
Serious as that ketchup stain
on your shirt.
- Gah. Really? Where?
- Bloop!
- Gah.
- You see?
I told you
I don't have a problemo.
It's just some bullshit
I told Lily.
The truth is
I'm only here to show her
that I'm working on myself...
yeah, okay...
so that she'll get back together
with me.
I guess you could say
this whole stint at Clout Nine
was a classic Cody prankeroonie.
Uh-oh, hold on. Light bulb!
In my head. Doy, Dale,
since you know so much
about Lily,
you can help me get her back.
- No.
- Yes!
Thank you, brother.
Oh, man, I feel so much better now.
That's strange,
because I feel so much worse.
Where are we?
My memory château
where all my memories live.
♪ This is the rhythm of the night ♪
♪ The night ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ The rhythm of the night ♪
♪ This is the rhythm
of my life ♪
♪ My life...
Damn, that's
a good-looking jacket, playboi.
- Birds Wearhouse up on 57th?
- You know it.
Give me some wing,
give me some wing.
Yeah. Hey,
I found a loaf of focaccia
in the bathroom.
You want to do a bump
of breadcrumbs? Huh?
Is this a memory?
It's
the pre-memory dance party.
An amalgamation
of all the best parties
- I've ever been to.
- Oh.
I'm going to show you
the history of Latrine,
and then you'll understand
why I have to move on.
Yoink!
Yum.
You shouldn't have done that.
Ugh, you got to give me
some warning next time.
No way! You worked
at a Lady Foot Locker?
It was the '90s! Now shush.
And watch.
Hiroki,
I hired you to sell Reeboks,
- not turn them into dresses.
- But, sir...
Bup, bup, bup, no "buts."
Take them down.
And what have I told you
about wearing a cape to work,
huh?
Oh, boomshakalaka.
Ugh. Brian?
It's both highbrow
and lowbrow, and...
oh, my God, you combined
the brows into a unibrow.
My name is Brian,
and it would be an honor
to be your henchman,
Hiroki Hassan.
I'm sorry, I don't think
designers have henchmen.
They do now, my liege.
This was the beginning
of my creative partnership
with Brian.
He saw something in me
before anyone else did.
June '93.
The first week at the lair.
That's when we decided
on the name.
We shall call it Latrine.
Latrine!
Yes, it must be Latrine.
Brian came up with Latrine?
Wise as ever, my liege.
Six months later,
we settled
on our first brick-and-mortar.
- Holy shit. Phyllis was hot?!
- The property's
been abandoned for years.
It's next to a Jewish deli
and a smoke shop.
Yes, Fairfax.
This is where our empire
will lay rest.
Bastille Day, '94.
Latrine's first drop.
The original box logo tee?
Don't tell me that was Brian,
too.
No. Say it ain't so.
Perfect, Brian. Now release it!
I checked into Clout Nine
the next day.
Now you know the truth.
Without Brian,
Latrine is nothing.
Without Brian, I am nothing.
But without you, I'm nothing.
Not my problem, kid.
Now leave me alone
so I can go eat a four-pound bag
of Haribo gummies.
I don't know.
I'm just thinking, like,
one or two kids?
I guess it depends
on where we end up, right?
- Ugh.
- Maybe upstate New York?
Then again, Cerise prefers
the schools in Connecticut.
Tru, I'm sorry,
but upstate New York?
Connecticut? I mean,
what are you saying?
You've never even been
to Connecticut.
And kids? Come on.
How is that even possible?
We narrowed it down
to either surrogacy or adoption.
You know she's not real, right?
She's a computer.
First of all,
she's not a computer.
She's a billion dollars' worth
of experimental marketing tech.
And second of all,
she's my girlfriend.
Seriously, D.
Out of all people.
You're Miss Love Is Love.
Aah! That is not what it means!
Well, what about you
and Melody, huh?
Playing You've Got Mail
over the phone.
Have you even had a conversation
in real life?
There hasn't been a right time.
- And, plus, that's different.
- How?
Because Melody
is a human person!
Why can't you
just be happy for me?
Shit.
You're right.
I'm sorry, Tru. I was
just trying to protect you,
but if you're happy, I'm happy.
Finally, Kitey.
It's just you, me
and the sweet Santa Ana winds.
No!
Listen, Dale,
we've got a huge problem.
Hiroki is off the deep end
and, as much as I hate this,
I think the only way
to fix Hiroki
is to get him back together
with Brian.
So, I'm gonna need
your internship contacts,
- your fanny and your leftover chloroform.
- Did you ever think
that maybe you shouldn't be
trying to get two people
back together who don't want
to get back together?
Not everyone is supposed
to be together forever, Benny.
Especially
if there might be, like,
another person
who is way more compatible
and who, I don't know, geez,
maybe knows how to treat a lady
and thinks pranks aren't all
that great in the first place!
Damn, Dale.
That's a lot of pent-up rage.
- You a'ight?
- No, Benny!
I'm not a'ight. In fact,
I-I'm the opposite of a'ight.
Today was supposed to be
my beach day,
but instead we're here,
hanging out
with a bunch
of clout-thirsty turd burgers.
And I don't know, maybe I'm
just reading into it too much,
but it feels like whenever
I want to do something,
the gang gang
does the exact opposite.
Holy shit, Dale.
You're a goddamn genius.
I'm really sorry
you feel that way,
and we're totally gonna
unpack this
over Trini's
slipper cobbler later,
but-but I got to go.
Oh, there you are, my boy.
So,
Operation Trick Lily Via Dale?
It's a go, baby.
I'm thinking long game.
You befriend her
and build trust.
You go to the movies,
dinners, maybe even dates.
You become a part of her life.
She tells you
all of her secrets.
Then, two to five years later,
we throw her a birthday party
where you pull the rug out
from under her.
She hates you. But there I am,
cloaked in soft fabrics.
You touch them,
it makes you shiver.
I am absolutely yoked
from head to toes. And boom!
We elope to Fiji.
What do you think?
Cody, I need you
to listen to me very carefully.
Lily hates pranks.
And you don't understand her
at all, but I do.
Because I actually listen to her
instead of giving her pink eye
because you farted
on her pillow one time.
And guess what, Cody?
I'm gonna ask her out.
Solid prank.
I admire your commitment.
You've come a long way,
little fawn.
Oh, it appears the student
a-has become a-the sensei.
I'm serious, Cody.
You have
a major prank addiction,
and you need
serious medical help.
And the saddest part is,
at the end of the day,
the only person you're pranking
is yourself.
What do you think you're...
All right, take me
to the memories of Latrine.
- The ones we saw earlier.
- One second.
It's Octavia Spencer. Octavia!
Take me!
Why do you want me
to relive those horrors?
Because I got a feeling
that all the partying you did
in this sick-as-fuck brain hotel
is clouding your memory.
This better be good. I'm late
for a cotton candy sugar scrub.
Just go back ten seconds
and watch.
What do you think?
Latrine or Garbache?
Personally, I love Garbache.
Brian! That's a terrible choice.
Apologies, my liege.
We shall call it Latrine.
Latrine!
Yes, it must be Latrine.
Mm-hmm.
Next one.
The most primo location
there is, sire.
Melrose Avenue.
Between a Doc Martens
- and a Johnny Rockets.
- Honestly, Brian,
do you think your parents
are proud of you?
Absolutely not, my liege.
Huh? Oh!
There's also a spot on Fairfax,
but the property's
been abandoned for years.
Yes, Fairfax.
This is where our empire
will lay rest.
Keep going. Whoa!
How about
this hilarious potato shirt?
It says "spud buds."
Do you have any idea
what I could save in overhead
if I fired you?
Okay. Uh... What about this one?
Perfect, Brian.
Now, release it!
I fucking knew it.
Brian isn't your muse.
He's your Dale.
- Come again?
- Your South Star.
Whatever Brian suggested,
you did the opposite.
Latrine became Latrine
despite Brian's shit-ass ideas.
You had the mojo all along.
It was always you.
Heavens to Betsy. You're right!
But I'll give him credit
for one thing.
Do you, like, want to,
you know, maybe announce it?
Make it special,
like you're dropping a mixtape
or a vaccine.
Well, we did buy this lair
for a reason.
Hmm.
Announce the drop!
Yes.
Tronté! Get the Subcopter ready.
We have a drop to drop.
Damn!
- Was that...?
- Yep.
- Yo!
- He's back, motherfuckers!
Hey. I'm Cody,
and I-I have a pranking problem.
Mmm. Mmm. Yummy, yummy, yummy.
Ugh.
What do you want?
What the...?
That motherfucker!
♪ The block is hot ♪
♪ The block is hot ♪
♪ The block is hot ♪
♪ The block is hot ♪ ♪
Chirp.