F Troop (1965–1967): Season 2, Episode 5 - The Great Troop Robbery - full transcript
A trickster tries to get Agarn blamed for his robberies.
[♪♪♪]
Come on, sweetheart.
Daddy's have the heart.
Come on, darling.
And do your stuff.
How much is three and three?
Come on, make
Daddy proud of you.
Three and three.
Come on.
One, two... three,
four... five... six.
You mean, three
and three is seven?
Three and three is six.
Thunder, sweetheart.
You can talk.
Oh, Daddy's having fun.
[KISSES THUNDER, LAUGHS]
Agarn, that was me talking.
Oh. Hi, sarge. Morning, captain.
Corporal.
This is Thunder
the Wonder Horse.
Smartest horse in the West.
How do you do, Thunder?
Where did you get him, corporal?
Well, I bought him
from a fancy looking guy
who runs a traveling
medicine show.
He passed by the
fort this morning.
And he really does tricks?
Does tricks? He can count.
Yeah, we saw that one.
And also dance. Watch this.
♪ Ta-ta, ta-ta-ta ♪
♪ Ta-ta... ♪
♪ Ta-ta, ta-ta... ♪
Maybe he likes to lead.
Well... Thunder's
probably embarrassed.
But you should have
seen him dance before.
[BLOWS KISS]
That horse danced?
No. The guy who sold him to me.
But he showed me
how the horse dances.
Um... I'm afraid
you were victimized.
I don't think I was, sir.
Gentlemen, if you'll excuse me,
I'll go check the
rest of the horses.
[♪♪♪]
And he's a great
jumper too, sarge.
Watch this.
Let's show him, Thunder.
Agarn, you have been taken.
You, of all people.
The vice president of
O'Rourke Enterprises.
The man who gave us the
idea for the original Custer scalp.
Remember? We sold
thousands of them.
I wasn't taken,
sarge. Watch this.
Three quick strides and
right over the hitching post.
Go, Thunder.
Fly, boy.
Fly, boy.
[SNORTS]
O'ROURKE: Agarn. Agarn.
Are you all right, corporal?
It's me, O'Rourke.
Okay.
Hey. Corporal O'Rourke.
Oh, no, it's sergeant.
Corporal Sergeant.
No, no. Sergeant
O'Rourke. I'm your buddy.
That right. Hi, sarge.
You lost your memory
there for a minute.
You didn't know who I was.
Me, forget? Never.
I never forget a thing.
PARMENTER: Are you sure?
Sure as my name is Clyde Agarn.
Your name is Randolph Agarn.
It is? [SNAPS]
That's right. It is.
Huh. Huh.
[GRUNTS]
A little unsteady
on your feet there,
ain't you, sarge?
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Oh, say, that
looks fine, corporal.
Good morning, captain.
Good morning. Oh. Ah... Oh, sir.
I'm fine, I'm fine.
Well, I guess that takes
care of that loose board.
I... Didn't you fix that
board before, corporal?
No, sir. I fixed
that board before.
I thought sure you
fixed this one before.
Try not standing
in the hot sun, sir.
I'll just return the hammer.
[♪♪♪]
I thought he fixed
that one before,
but he said he
fixed that... one.
No. [CLAPS HANDS]
He wouldn't forget
a thing like that.
Agarn will be
right with us, sir.
If he can remember
where the corral is.
Feeding Thunder, huh?
Yes, I gave him some sugar.
Seems to like it.
[CHUCKLES]
Not as much as he likes gloves.
I thought that
seeing Thunder again
might make Agarn
recall bumping his head,
and bring back his
memory entirely.
Well, I sure hope so, sir.
Captain. Corporal.
Corporal, I wanna talk to you
about your lapses of memory.
There's nothing wrong
with my memory, sir.
Well, then, you
probably remember
Thunder the Wonder Horse.
Heh. Smartest horse in the West?
That's the smartest
horse in the West?
Agarn, surely you remember,
you know, the counting?
Thunder, boy.
How much is three and three?
One, two, three, huh?
Come on, Thunder boy.
Don't you remember that?
Are you feeling
all right, sarge?
Maybe he remembers
dancing with the horse.
Huh?
♪ Ta-ta Ta-ta-ta ♪
♪ Ta-ta Ta-ta... ♪
I danced with a horse?
No, no, no. The
horse didn't dance.
♪ Ta-ta, ta-ta ♪
♪ Ta-ta, ta-ta-ta
Ta-ta, ta-ta...
No wonder, sir.
He hasn't got his
dancing shoes on.
What's going on, sarge?
We're just trying to
get your memory back.
You've been
acting strange lately.
I've been acting strange?
♪ Ta-ta, ta-ta Ta-ta-ta, ta-ta ♪
♪ Ta-ta, ta-ta ♪
♪ Ta-ta-ta-t...
Better stop
dancing. It's no use.
Oh, that's too bad.
I thought I saw Thunder
start to pick up the rhythm.
We're not getting
anyplace this way.
With the captain's permission,
I'd like to take him
up to Hekawi camp.
I hear they got a new
medicine man up there.
All right, sergeant.
[♪♪♪]
Not worry, O'Rourke.
Wise Owl help Agarn
not to forget what he does.
Wise Owl very wise Indian...
Like medicine man for head.
[♪♪♪]
He go from tribe to tribe.
Has couch, will travel.
Wait a minute. Did he help you?
Sure.
Me have many problem
as chief. Much pressure.
Me see Wise Owl
regular, every other moon.
Hey.
When you ask him
about Thunder horse
and fall on head,
like O'Rourke ask?
When I ready, Wild Eagle.
Not need partner. I work alone.
Fshh-fshh.
Continue.
Ain't nothing wrong with me.
My memory's perfect!
We see. Sometime first thought
in head help to remember.
When I speak word,
you speak first word
to come into head.
Okay. Ready?
Thunder. Lightning.
Horse. Saddle.
WISE OWL: Fall. AGARN: Winter.
Not bad. Not good.
Uh... Me finish.
Me start.
Hey. This is fun. Don't stop.
Don't go. Thunder.
Lightning. What's go on here?
You patient, me wise man.
I guess I forgot.
Wise man say: "When
shadow of wet bird fall on log,
time out for beaver."
Now, that makes sense.
That make sense?
Hm. You need more
help than I think.
[♪♪♪]
Big test.
Eh... what's that for?
Man with trouble in head
sometimes see strange picture
in simple berry blot.
Wise Owl get this
from wisest Indian of all,
Roar Chick.
He call it the Roar Chick test.
What you see?
A dried skin and a berry blot.
Not see horse or
thunder, or bump on head?
No, the only thing I see
is a beautiful Indian girl
in a short buckskin skirt.
Where? Where?
Right over there,
next to that tree.
[♪♪♪]
I like your berry blot
much better than my berry blot.
We through now.
Well, uh... What
do you think, Agarn?
He don't know what he's doing.
He's a real Weird Willie.
What you think, Wise Owl?
That Agarn do
many strange things.
Oh, boy.
Real cuckoo corporal.
[GUNSHOT]
What?
Hey!
Hey. That was a shot, Agarn.
Eh... Agarn!
[GUNSHOT]
Eh... Hm... [GUNSHOT]
[GRUNTS]
[COCKS GUN]
[COCKS GUN]
[COCKS GUN]
Hit the floor, captain.
Vanderbilt's not
aiming at us, sergeant.
O'ROURKE: I know that.
If he was, I
wouldn't be worried.
Vanderbilt!
[COCKS GUN] Hold it!
Hold it!
All right.
What's going on here, men?
We were robbed.
Our money's missing.
And most of our clothes.
There must be a
thief on the loose.
A thief?
Why didn't you wake me, sarge?
I almost missed the whole thing.
What do you mean?
You weren't in your bunk.
Of course I was, sarge.
I was there until I
just came in here.
Dobbs, you were on guard duty.
Did you see anyone
on the compound?
Yes, I did, sergeant,
but I don't like to snitch.
Come on, Dobbs,
boy. Don't be afraid.
Speak up. Nobody's
going to hurt you.
Speak up. We're
all your friends here.
[CHUCKLES] Well, it
was you, Corporal Agarn.
Me? Why, I...
I'll break your head. [CHOKES]
I'll wrap that bugle
around your neck.
I said break it up, Agarn!
Get out of here, Dobbs. [YELLS]
All right, straighten up!
Here, put your hat
on. Look like a soldier.
All of you, back in your bunks.
You, back to your quarters.
I should have trashed him.
Hm.
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
You know...
I-I hate to even
suggest this, sergeant,
but...
with Corporal Agarn
missing from his bunk,
and him acting
so strange of late,
do you suppose that he...?
That he could be the thief?
Well, of course not, captain.
Well, Corporal Agarn
is as honest as I am.
Eh, probably more than I am.
Then, there's, uh... Dobbs.
Dobbs? Oh, no.
I'm sure it wasn't Dobbs.
Yeah, it must have
been a renegade
up at the Hekawi camp.
I'll go up there
and check on that
first thing in the morning.
Right, sergeant.
Yeah.
[GUNSHOT]
[PANTS]
I'm sorry.
[♪♪♪]
Are y... Are you
sure you haven't seen
any strange braves
around the camp...?
No, O'Rourke! Not
see any strange braves.
O'ROURKE: I hate
to suggest this, but...
could one of your braves
have snuck into the fort?
Never, O'Rourke!
All Hekawi braves
honest like me.
Hm.
Probably more than I am.
Uh, not like to be field rat,
but saw one brave sneak
out of tepee last night.
Who was it?
Speak up, Wise Owl.
Not be afraid. No one hurt you.
It was you, Crazy Cat.
Me take your scalp. Me wrap
a tomahawk around your neck!
Wait a minute! Were you
out of teepee, Crazy Cat?!
Yes. Me have fight with squaw.
What about?
Wampum, like always.
She want everything
paleface woman have.
I give her many furs,
but she want cloth coat.
[♪♪♪]
He could be the
one we're looking for.
Not think Crazy
Cat type to steal...
but he does have wampum
problem with squaw.
Just last week, he
try to sell Old Paint.
An Indian tried
to sell his horse?
Horse? Old Paint is his squaw.
Well, there's two other
suspects besides Crazy Cat.
But I don't know
how we'll find out
who did the stealing.
I know. Why not ask Wise Owl?
[♪♪♪]
Uh...
Can you help us find
out who robbed the fort?
As wise man once say:
"When fox look at sky,
easy to get bit on kneecap
by toothless rabbit."
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
That means you'll
help us, right?
Wrong. I do it for money.
Price $2 each hour
until thief caught.
Wait a minute.
That's a lot of money.
Him not known as
Wise Owl for nothing.
O'ROURKE: All right.
But at those prices,
you gotta find the
missing stuff too.
Do not worry. I'm also known
as Finder Of Lost Things.
Anything missing,
I find right away.
All right, good. Let's go.
W-wait a minute.
Anyone know where I put my hat?
The thief took a
lot of our clothes.
And stole my wallet too.
And he took my money
while I was sleeping
right in this bunk.
Well, we must find
out what thief look like.
Yeah, well, that's
gonna be hard to do,
because nobody's seen him.
Yeah, but the
thief steal clothes.
First, we find
out size of thief.
Now, what thief take?
He took a pair of my pants.
You are short. Thief
must be short man.
But he took Haggard's shirt,
and he's pretty tall. [SNAPS]
How about a tall thief
who likes short pants?
Or a short man
who likes long shirts?
He took a pair of
Duddleson's pants,
and he's pretty heavy.
Then we look for tall heavy man
who like short shirts.
How about a short, heavy
man who likes long shirts?
The thief could have a
friend. A tall, heavy man.
Or could be tall thief
with short, heavy friend.
How about two tall friends
who like short, heavy pants?
O'ROURKE: Captain,
begging your pardon,
but we don't even know if
this thief has got a friend.
Never mind if he's tall
and likes short shirts,
or a short man who
likes heavy pants.
You're right,
sergeant. You're right.
Who should we be looking for?
Look for a man who
does much sewing.
Wise Owl, we're not getting
anywhere this way, please.
Oh, we get somewhere soon.
As wise man once say:
"Sometimes not wise to be
wise. More wise to be unwise."
Time for action. [MOUTHS WORDS]
Don't do anything
that's not in the manual.
Oh, no, no.
Just have nice, simple
talk with suspects.
That's all.
I can't stand it, I tell you.
I can't stand it!
I can't stand it!
Blow out these hot candles!
You can't make me confess.
I'm no thief!
How you know you're no thief?
You forget much lately.
Maybe you forget you steal.
I'm not forgetting anything!
Beside, the best man in F Troop
stood up for me:
Corporal O'Rourke.
Him Sergeant O'Rourke.
I guess I forgot. These hot
candles are confusing me...
So you can claim you forgot.
Don't say you forgot...
All right, hold on
there, Wise Owl!
I'm certain this
kind of questioning
is not in the m-manual.
I'll blow those candles out.
Yes. Wait a minute.
Shouldn't go to waste.
Make a wish first.
Aargh.
[BLOWS]
Never mind the candles.
Water, sergeant. Oh.
Sure. Here we are. Water.
Heh-um.
Uh...
Let's see: "Personnel,
interrogation of,
by or in front of candles."
Now, let me see.
More water.
I'll bet you didn't get
anything out of Agarn.
Learn one thing.
Yeah? What's that?
Him very thirsty.
No. There's nothing
in the manual
that allows a man to be
questioned in this manner.
Okay. Talk to bugler Dobbs now.
Ah.
No candles.
[GROANS] No candles. Heh-heh.
[♪♪♪]
Sure I was in a snit...
'cause the others complained
about my bugle playing.
But I wouldn't get my
revenge by stealing from 'em.
Now, just a minute, Wise Owl.
You... Oh...
I don't think you're
allowed to do this either.
Oh, it's okay,
captain, I volunteered.
I don't mind
answering questions.
But you know how
easily you get sunburned.
Uh. Let me see.
"Personnel, interrogation of,
by being tied to stakes." Uh...
No. The manual
does not allow you
to do this either, Wise Owl.
Okay. Then I go to Hekawi camp.
There they know
from fancy torturing.
Have a little talk
with Crazy Cat.
[CHUCKLES]
I not too wild about this way
of asking question, Wise Owl.
Think you better
confess, Crazy Cat.
How you like me to
tell horses, "Giddyap?"
I not too wild about
that idea either.
Stop, Wise Owl.
Sure this kind of questioning...
not in Hekawi manual.
Here.
"Brave," question of,
by being pulled
apart by horses."
No. Not allowed.
Must get confession.
You not get it this way.
For confession,
getting there is half the fun.
Cannot believe
Crazy Cat is thief.
Him honest Injun.
Could someone untie me?
Don't believe horses
have read Hekawi manual.
Indians getting soft.
What happened to good old days,
when torture mean something?
Uh, this has gone far enough.
You haven't come
up with anything yet.
You make mistake. Wise Owl
come up with something.
You have? Yes.
I have worked on
robbery for six hours.
Salary $2 each hour.
I come up with $12.
What I mean is that
you haven't come up
with anything on the thief.
Very hard. Have three suspects.
But you, the captain
and Wild Eagle
all think suspects
could not be thief.
You know, my
grandmother used to say:
"Show me a thief,
and I'll show you
a man who steals."
Your grandmother ever
bump into my wise man?
Ah, we might as well give up.
No. No. I have answer.
I am sure one of
three suspects is thief.
Can set trap and
find out which one.
What kind of a trap?
You have money?
Well, I have $100.
Maybe you thief.
That's my savings.
This is just costing
us a lot of money.
Shh, shh, no, no. Listen.
[WHISPERS] Listen to Wise Owl.
Here is plan.
We make sure all suspects know
that you have $100,
and keep it in drawer of desk.
Then we wait and see
who come to steal it.
[♪♪♪]
I told Agarn about that money,
I sure feel sneaky about it.
Yeah, I let it slip to Dobbs,
and I feel awfully sneaky too.
Oh, I let Crazy Cat know,
but it not bother me at all.
This is your plan.
Now, what do we do?
[WHISPERING]
You watch back door.
Captain, watch front door.
And I hide in closet in office.
Wait a minute. How
come you're inside?
I am Indian.
Familiar with ambush.
Not worry about me.
Have protection.
[GULPS]
A bow and my arrow.
I-I don't want anybody hurt.
Pff. If I shoot, I only
make flesh wound.
In fleshy part of heart.
Are you gonna be
all right, captain?
Oh, don't you worry
about me, sergeant.
I have eyes like a cat.
[WHISPERS] I see.
[♪♪♪]
Cats don't see as
well as I thought.
Who is it?
JANE: It's me, Wilton.
Jane, you shouldn't be here.
I'm trying to trap someone.
So am I.
Oh. Pressing where
I bumped my head.
Well, I'll kiss it
to make it better.
It won't help. It won't hurt.
Just one kiss, Wilton.
It'll take your mind off
the bump on your head.
All right, just one.
Okay. Mm...
[SIGHS]
Jane, you bruised my lips.
I told you it would take
your mind off the bump.
Heh.
[PANTING] I think
you better go back
to town now, Jane.
All right, Wilton.
But how about one for the road.
[GRUNTS]
[SIGHS]
Bye, Wilton.
It's sure been
romantic sharing a trap
with you in the moonlight.
[SIGHS] Bye.
[♪♪♪]
[INDIAN WAR CRY]
[GRUNTS]
Wise Owl's locked in the closet.
[GROANS]
Oh.
[PANTS]
Thanks, O'Rourke.
Me try to shoot lock open.
Sergeant.
The money's gone.
Yeah. But whoever took
that money came in and out
of that window right there, sir.
Did you see who did it?
Oh, not too clear, but
sure it was Corporal Agarn.
Let's go see if he has money.
O'ROURKE: Ha-ah.
You stay here, Wise Owl.
Now Corporal Agarn
is F Troop personnel,
and Captain Parmenter
should handle this.
PARMENTER: I
believe you're right.
I'll check the manual.
How?
Uh... [GRUNTS]
Oh-oh-oh.
Never mind. Yeah.
Sergeant, let's go.
Agarn? Agarn.
He's not here. That
looks bad, doesn't it?
Well, he's gotta be here.
He's only got one
pair of boots... Uh...
Duddleson's wallet.
[GROANS] Oh, no. No...
What?
Agarn.
[GROANING]
Here, what happened?
What happened?
I got hit on the head.
Oh.
I'm afraid that's how
your strange behavior
started in the first
place, corporal.
And now...
we found Duddleson's
wallet in your boot.
Here.
Then I am the thief. Oh.
I really have been
forgetting things.
I must have stolen everything
and... forgot I did it. No.
I-I... I don't
believe that, Agarn.
No, I don't either.
I do, sir.
Could you hold that?
Request captain's
permission to escape.
[SOBS]
Wait, corporal!
I didn't give you permission!
It's all right,
captain. Let him go.
He's not the thief anyway.
Oh?
No. But I think I know who is.
[♪♪♪]
Well, you were certainly
wrong about Agarn.
We didn't find anything.
We searched under his mattress,
in his foot locker...
You no not look
in Agarn's left boot
and find wallet of trooper?
Ah-ha, how did you
know that there was
a trooper's wallet
in his left boot?
Just wild guess.
Ah-ha. I say that you're wrong.
I say you're the thief.
You put that wallet in his boot,
and then tried
to pin it on Agarn.
I hope you can
prove this, sergeant.
I-I hope not so.
[CHUCKLES]
According to the Indian treaties
they can sue us for
defamation of character.
I can prove it, sir.
Do you remember that
I had to use a sword
and break him
out of that closet?
Yes.
If that closet was
locked from the outside,
why wasn't the key in the lock?
PARMENTER: Ah.
So... [CLAPS HANDS]
All we have to do
is search Wise Owl.
And if he has the key,
that he really is the thief.
[♪♪♪]
No one move.
I guess this mean I not
get paid for finding thief.
I don't think you're
entitled to payment.
However, I'll check the manual.
Never mind. As
wise man once say:
"When all look dark and
everything go against you,
just hold head
up high... [SIGHS]
and run for door."
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]
Well, heh. Agarn got him, sir.
Agarn? How? Yeah.
By forgetting to fix that
loose board on the porch.
Oh.
So Wise Owl had all
the loot in his tepee?
Yeah. Wild Eagle checked
with the other tribes
and found out why
Wise Owl is so good
as a finder of lost things.
Why?
Heh. Because he finds
them before they're lost.
Sure glad I got my memory back
when Wise Owl slugged me.
We'll make the hitch
rack this time, Thunder.
Watch it, Agarn.
You lost your memory
when you got
flung off that horse.
Oh, I'm sure it was
just one of those things.
Just one of those crazy flings.
Yeah. Just one of those things.
Go, Thunder. Fly, boy!
[THUNDER GALLOPS]
[SNORTS]
[GRUNTS]
Oh. Are you all right, corporal?
Hey. It's me, O'Rourke.
Ah. Corporal O'Rourke.
No, uh, sergeant.
Ah, Corporal Sergeant.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Here we go again.
[GRUNTS] Up.
[♪♪♪]
[GROANS]
[♪♪♪]
Come on, sweetheart.
Daddy's have the heart.
Come on, darling.
And do your stuff.
How much is three and three?
Come on, make
Daddy proud of you.
Three and three.
Come on.
One, two... three,
four... five... six.
You mean, three
and three is seven?
Three and three is six.
Thunder, sweetheart.
You can talk.
Oh, Daddy's having fun.
[KISSES THUNDER, LAUGHS]
Agarn, that was me talking.
Oh. Hi, sarge. Morning, captain.
Corporal.
This is Thunder
the Wonder Horse.
Smartest horse in the West.
How do you do, Thunder?
Where did you get him, corporal?
Well, I bought him
from a fancy looking guy
who runs a traveling
medicine show.
He passed by the
fort this morning.
And he really does tricks?
Does tricks? He can count.
Yeah, we saw that one.
And also dance. Watch this.
♪ Ta-ta, ta-ta-ta ♪
♪ Ta-ta... ♪
♪ Ta-ta, ta-ta... ♪
Maybe he likes to lead.
Well... Thunder's
probably embarrassed.
But you should have
seen him dance before.
[BLOWS KISS]
That horse danced?
No. The guy who sold him to me.
But he showed me
how the horse dances.
Um... I'm afraid
you were victimized.
I don't think I was, sir.
Gentlemen, if you'll excuse me,
I'll go check the
rest of the horses.
[♪♪♪]
And he's a great
jumper too, sarge.
Watch this.
Let's show him, Thunder.
Agarn, you have been taken.
You, of all people.
The vice president of
O'Rourke Enterprises.
The man who gave us the
idea for the original Custer scalp.
Remember? We sold
thousands of them.
I wasn't taken,
sarge. Watch this.
Three quick strides and
right over the hitching post.
Go, Thunder.
Fly, boy.
Fly, boy.
[SNORTS]
O'ROURKE: Agarn. Agarn.
Are you all right, corporal?
It's me, O'Rourke.
Okay.
Hey. Corporal O'Rourke.
Oh, no, it's sergeant.
Corporal Sergeant.
No, no. Sergeant
O'Rourke. I'm your buddy.
That right. Hi, sarge.
You lost your memory
there for a minute.
You didn't know who I was.
Me, forget? Never.
I never forget a thing.
PARMENTER: Are you sure?
Sure as my name is Clyde Agarn.
Your name is Randolph Agarn.
It is? [SNAPS]
That's right. It is.
Huh. Huh.
[GRUNTS]
A little unsteady
on your feet there,
ain't you, sarge?
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Oh, say, that
looks fine, corporal.
Good morning, captain.
Good morning. Oh. Ah... Oh, sir.
I'm fine, I'm fine.
Well, I guess that takes
care of that loose board.
I... Didn't you fix that
board before, corporal?
No, sir. I fixed
that board before.
I thought sure you
fixed this one before.
Try not standing
in the hot sun, sir.
I'll just return the hammer.
[♪♪♪]
I thought he fixed
that one before,
but he said he
fixed that... one.
No. [CLAPS HANDS]
He wouldn't forget
a thing like that.
Agarn will be
right with us, sir.
If he can remember
where the corral is.
Feeding Thunder, huh?
Yes, I gave him some sugar.
Seems to like it.
[CHUCKLES]
Not as much as he likes gloves.
I thought that
seeing Thunder again
might make Agarn
recall bumping his head,
and bring back his
memory entirely.
Well, I sure hope so, sir.
Captain. Corporal.
Corporal, I wanna talk to you
about your lapses of memory.
There's nothing wrong
with my memory, sir.
Well, then, you
probably remember
Thunder the Wonder Horse.
Heh. Smartest horse in the West?
That's the smartest
horse in the West?
Agarn, surely you remember,
you know, the counting?
Thunder, boy.
How much is three and three?
One, two, three, huh?
Come on, Thunder boy.
Don't you remember that?
Are you feeling
all right, sarge?
Maybe he remembers
dancing with the horse.
Huh?
♪ Ta-ta Ta-ta-ta ♪
♪ Ta-ta Ta-ta... ♪
I danced with a horse?
No, no, no. The
horse didn't dance.
♪ Ta-ta, ta-ta ♪
♪ Ta-ta, ta-ta-ta
Ta-ta, ta-ta...
No wonder, sir.
He hasn't got his
dancing shoes on.
What's going on, sarge?
We're just trying to
get your memory back.
You've been
acting strange lately.
I've been acting strange?
♪ Ta-ta, ta-ta Ta-ta-ta, ta-ta ♪
♪ Ta-ta, ta-ta ♪
♪ Ta-ta-ta-t...
Better stop
dancing. It's no use.
Oh, that's too bad.
I thought I saw Thunder
start to pick up the rhythm.
We're not getting
anyplace this way.
With the captain's permission,
I'd like to take him
up to Hekawi camp.
I hear they got a new
medicine man up there.
All right, sergeant.
[♪♪♪]
Not worry, O'Rourke.
Wise Owl help Agarn
not to forget what he does.
Wise Owl very wise Indian...
Like medicine man for head.
[♪♪♪]
He go from tribe to tribe.
Has couch, will travel.
Wait a minute. Did he help you?
Sure.
Me have many problem
as chief. Much pressure.
Me see Wise Owl
regular, every other moon.
Hey.
When you ask him
about Thunder horse
and fall on head,
like O'Rourke ask?
When I ready, Wild Eagle.
Not need partner. I work alone.
Fshh-fshh.
Continue.
Ain't nothing wrong with me.
My memory's perfect!
We see. Sometime first thought
in head help to remember.
When I speak word,
you speak first word
to come into head.
Okay. Ready?
Thunder. Lightning.
Horse. Saddle.
WISE OWL: Fall. AGARN: Winter.
Not bad. Not good.
Uh... Me finish.
Me start.
Hey. This is fun. Don't stop.
Don't go. Thunder.
Lightning. What's go on here?
You patient, me wise man.
I guess I forgot.
Wise man say: "When
shadow of wet bird fall on log,
time out for beaver."
Now, that makes sense.
That make sense?
Hm. You need more
help than I think.
[♪♪♪]
Big test.
Eh... what's that for?
Man with trouble in head
sometimes see strange picture
in simple berry blot.
Wise Owl get this
from wisest Indian of all,
Roar Chick.
He call it the Roar Chick test.
What you see?
A dried skin and a berry blot.
Not see horse or
thunder, or bump on head?
No, the only thing I see
is a beautiful Indian girl
in a short buckskin skirt.
Where? Where?
Right over there,
next to that tree.
[♪♪♪]
I like your berry blot
much better than my berry blot.
We through now.
Well, uh... What
do you think, Agarn?
He don't know what he's doing.
He's a real Weird Willie.
What you think, Wise Owl?
That Agarn do
many strange things.
Oh, boy.
Real cuckoo corporal.
[GUNSHOT]
What?
Hey!
Hey. That was a shot, Agarn.
Eh... Agarn!
[GUNSHOT]
Eh... Hm... [GUNSHOT]
[GRUNTS]
[COCKS GUN]
[COCKS GUN]
[COCKS GUN]
Hit the floor, captain.
Vanderbilt's not
aiming at us, sergeant.
O'ROURKE: I know that.
If he was, I
wouldn't be worried.
Vanderbilt!
[COCKS GUN] Hold it!
Hold it!
All right.
What's going on here, men?
We were robbed.
Our money's missing.
And most of our clothes.
There must be a
thief on the loose.
A thief?
Why didn't you wake me, sarge?
I almost missed the whole thing.
What do you mean?
You weren't in your bunk.
Of course I was, sarge.
I was there until I
just came in here.
Dobbs, you were on guard duty.
Did you see anyone
on the compound?
Yes, I did, sergeant,
but I don't like to snitch.
Come on, Dobbs,
boy. Don't be afraid.
Speak up. Nobody's
going to hurt you.
Speak up. We're
all your friends here.
[CHUCKLES] Well, it
was you, Corporal Agarn.
Me? Why, I...
I'll break your head. [CHOKES]
I'll wrap that bugle
around your neck.
I said break it up, Agarn!
Get out of here, Dobbs. [YELLS]
All right, straighten up!
Here, put your hat
on. Look like a soldier.
All of you, back in your bunks.
You, back to your quarters.
I should have trashed him.
Hm.
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
You know...
I-I hate to even
suggest this, sergeant,
but...
with Corporal Agarn
missing from his bunk,
and him acting
so strange of late,
do you suppose that he...?
That he could be the thief?
Well, of course not, captain.
Well, Corporal Agarn
is as honest as I am.
Eh, probably more than I am.
Then, there's, uh... Dobbs.
Dobbs? Oh, no.
I'm sure it wasn't Dobbs.
Yeah, it must have
been a renegade
up at the Hekawi camp.
I'll go up there
and check on that
first thing in the morning.
Right, sergeant.
Yeah.
[GUNSHOT]
[PANTS]
I'm sorry.
[♪♪♪]
Are y... Are you
sure you haven't seen
any strange braves
around the camp...?
No, O'Rourke! Not
see any strange braves.
O'ROURKE: I hate
to suggest this, but...
could one of your braves
have snuck into the fort?
Never, O'Rourke!
All Hekawi braves
honest like me.
Hm.
Probably more than I am.
Uh, not like to be field rat,
but saw one brave sneak
out of tepee last night.
Who was it?
Speak up, Wise Owl.
Not be afraid. No one hurt you.
It was you, Crazy Cat.
Me take your scalp. Me wrap
a tomahawk around your neck!
Wait a minute! Were you
out of teepee, Crazy Cat?!
Yes. Me have fight with squaw.
What about?
Wampum, like always.
She want everything
paleface woman have.
I give her many furs,
but she want cloth coat.
[♪♪♪]
He could be the
one we're looking for.
Not think Crazy
Cat type to steal...
but he does have wampum
problem with squaw.
Just last week, he
try to sell Old Paint.
An Indian tried
to sell his horse?
Horse? Old Paint is his squaw.
Well, there's two other
suspects besides Crazy Cat.
But I don't know
how we'll find out
who did the stealing.
I know. Why not ask Wise Owl?
[♪♪♪]
Uh...
Can you help us find
out who robbed the fort?
As wise man once say:
"When fox look at sky,
easy to get bit on kneecap
by toothless rabbit."
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
That means you'll
help us, right?
Wrong. I do it for money.
Price $2 each hour
until thief caught.
Wait a minute.
That's a lot of money.
Him not known as
Wise Owl for nothing.
O'ROURKE: All right.
But at those prices,
you gotta find the
missing stuff too.
Do not worry. I'm also known
as Finder Of Lost Things.
Anything missing,
I find right away.
All right, good. Let's go.
W-wait a minute.
Anyone know where I put my hat?
The thief took a
lot of our clothes.
And stole my wallet too.
And he took my money
while I was sleeping
right in this bunk.
Well, we must find
out what thief look like.
Yeah, well, that's
gonna be hard to do,
because nobody's seen him.
Yeah, but the
thief steal clothes.
First, we find
out size of thief.
Now, what thief take?
He took a pair of my pants.
You are short. Thief
must be short man.
But he took Haggard's shirt,
and he's pretty tall. [SNAPS]
How about a tall thief
who likes short pants?
Or a short man
who likes long shirts?
He took a pair of
Duddleson's pants,
and he's pretty heavy.
Then we look for tall heavy man
who like short shirts.
How about a short, heavy
man who likes long shirts?
The thief could have a
friend. A tall, heavy man.
Or could be tall thief
with short, heavy friend.
How about two tall friends
who like short, heavy pants?
O'ROURKE: Captain,
begging your pardon,
but we don't even know if
this thief has got a friend.
Never mind if he's tall
and likes short shirts,
or a short man who
likes heavy pants.
You're right,
sergeant. You're right.
Who should we be looking for?
Look for a man who
does much sewing.
Wise Owl, we're not getting
anywhere this way, please.
Oh, we get somewhere soon.
As wise man once say:
"Sometimes not wise to be
wise. More wise to be unwise."
Time for action. [MOUTHS WORDS]
Don't do anything
that's not in the manual.
Oh, no, no.
Just have nice, simple
talk with suspects.
That's all.
I can't stand it, I tell you.
I can't stand it!
I can't stand it!
Blow out these hot candles!
You can't make me confess.
I'm no thief!
How you know you're no thief?
You forget much lately.
Maybe you forget you steal.
I'm not forgetting anything!
Beside, the best man in F Troop
stood up for me:
Corporal O'Rourke.
Him Sergeant O'Rourke.
I guess I forgot. These hot
candles are confusing me...
So you can claim you forgot.
Don't say you forgot...
All right, hold on
there, Wise Owl!
I'm certain this
kind of questioning
is not in the m-manual.
I'll blow those candles out.
Yes. Wait a minute.
Shouldn't go to waste.
Make a wish first.
Aargh.
[BLOWS]
Never mind the candles.
Water, sergeant. Oh.
Sure. Here we are. Water.
Heh-um.
Uh...
Let's see: "Personnel,
interrogation of,
by or in front of candles."
Now, let me see.
More water.
I'll bet you didn't get
anything out of Agarn.
Learn one thing.
Yeah? What's that?
Him very thirsty.
No. There's nothing
in the manual
that allows a man to be
questioned in this manner.
Okay. Talk to bugler Dobbs now.
Ah.
No candles.
[GROANS] No candles. Heh-heh.
[♪♪♪]
Sure I was in a snit...
'cause the others complained
about my bugle playing.
But I wouldn't get my
revenge by stealing from 'em.
Now, just a minute, Wise Owl.
You... Oh...
I don't think you're
allowed to do this either.
Oh, it's okay,
captain, I volunteered.
I don't mind
answering questions.
But you know how
easily you get sunburned.
Uh. Let me see.
"Personnel, interrogation of,
by being tied to stakes." Uh...
No. The manual
does not allow you
to do this either, Wise Owl.
Okay. Then I go to Hekawi camp.
There they know
from fancy torturing.
Have a little talk
with Crazy Cat.
[CHUCKLES]
I not too wild about this way
of asking question, Wise Owl.
Think you better
confess, Crazy Cat.
How you like me to
tell horses, "Giddyap?"
I not too wild about
that idea either.
Stop, Wise Owl.
Sure this kind of questioning...
not in Hekawi manual.
Here.
"Brave," question of,
by being pulled
apart by horses."
No. Not allowed.
Must get confession.
You not get it this way.
For confession,
getting there is half the fun.
Cannot believe
Crazy Cat is thief.
Him honest Injun.
Could someone untie me?
Don't believe horses
have read Hekawi manual.
Indians getting soft.
What happened to good old days,
when torture mean something?
Uh, this has gone far enough.
You haven't come
up with anything yet.
You make mistake. Wise Owl
come up with something.
You have? Yes.
I have worked on
robbery for six hours.
Salary $2 each hour.
I come up with $12.
What I mean is that
you haven't come up
with anything on the thief.
Very hard. Have three suspects.
But you, the captain
and Wild Eagle
all think suspects
could not be thief.
You know, my
grandmother used to say:
"Show me a thief,
and I'll show you
a man who steals."
Your grandmother ever
bump into my wise man?
Ah, we might as well give up.
No. No. I have answer.
I am sure one of
three suspects is thief.
Can set trap and
find out which one.
What kind of a trap?
You have money?
Well, I have $100.
Maybe you thief.
That's my savings.
This is just costing
us a lot of money.
Shh, shh, no, no. Listen.
[WHISPERS] Listen to Wise Owl.
Here is plan.
We make sure all suspects know
that you have $100,
and keep it in drawer of desk.
Then we wait and see
who come to steal it.
[♪♪♪]
I told Agarn about that money,
I sure feel sneaky about it.
Yeah, I let it slip to Dobbs,
and I feel awfully sneaky too.
Oh, I let Crazy Cat know,
but it not bother me at all.
This is your plan.
Now, what do we do?
[WHISPERING]
You watch back door.
Captain, watch front door.
And I hide in closet in office.
Wait a minute. How
come you're inside?
I am Indian.
Familiar with ambush.
Not worry about me.
Have protection.
[GULPS]
A bow and my arrow.
I-I don't want anybody hurt.
Pff. If I shoot, I only
make flesh wound.
In fleshy part of heart.
Are you gonna be
all right, captain?
Oh, don't you worry
about me, sergeant.
I have eyes like a cat.
[WHISPERS] I see.
[♪♪♪]
Cats don't see as
well as I thought.
Who is it?
JANE: It's me, Wilton.
Jane, you shouldn't be here.
I'm trying to trap someone.
So am I.
Oh. Pressing where
I bumped my head.
Well, I'll kiss it
to make it better.
It won't help. It won't hurt.
Just one kiss, Wilton.
It'll take your mind off
the bump on your head.
All right, just one.
Okay. Mm...
[SIGHS]
Jane, you bruised my lips.
I told you it would take
your mind off the bump.
Heh.
[PANTING] I think
you better go back
to town now, Jane.
All right, Wilton.
But how about one for the road.
[GRUNTS]
[SIGHS]
Bye, Wilton.
It's sure been
romantic sharing a trap
with you in the moonlight.
[SIGHS] Bye.
[♪♪♪]
[INDIAN WAR CRY]
[GRUNTS]
Wise Owl's locked in the closet.
[GROANS]
Oh.
[PANTS]
Thanks, O'Rourke.
Me try to shoot lock open.
Sergeant.
The money's gone.
Yeah. But whoever took
that money came in and out
of that window right there, sir.
Did you see who did it?
Oh, not too clear, but
sure it was Corporal Agarn.
Let's go see if he has money.
O'ROURKE: Ha-ah.
You stay here, Wise Owl.
Now Corporal Agarn
is F Troop personnel,
and Captain Parmenter
should handle this.
PARMENTER: I
believe you're right.
I'll check the manual.
How?
Uh... [GRUNTS]
Oh-oh-oh.
Never mind. Yeah.
Sergeant, let's go.
Agarn? Agarn.
He's not here. That
looks bad, doesn't it?
Well, he's gotta be here.
He's only got one
pair of boots... Uh...
Duddleson's wallet.
[GROANS] Oh, no. No...
What?
Agarn.
[GROANING]
Here, what happened?
What happened?
I got hit on the head.
Oh.
I'm afraid that's how
your strange behavior
started in the first
place, corporal.
And now...
we found Duddleson's
wallet in your boot.
Here.
Then I am the thief. Oh.
I really have been
forgetting things.
I must have stolen everything
and... forgot I did it. No.
I-I... I don't
believe that, Agarn.
No, I don't either.
I do, sir.
Could you hold that?
Request captain's
permission to escape.
[SOBS]
Wait, corporal!
I didn't give you permission!
It's all right,
captain. Let him go.
He's not the thief anyway.
Oh?
No. But I think I know who is.
[♪♪♪]
Well, you were certainly
wrong about Agarn.
We didn't find anything.
We searched under his mattress,
in his foot locker...
You no not look
in Agarn's left boot
and find wallet of trooper?
Ah-ha, how did you
know that there was
a trooper's wallet
in his left boot?
Just wild guess.
Ah-ha. I say that you're wrong.
I say you're the thief.
You put that wallet in his boot,
and then tried
to pin it on Agarn.
I hope you can
prove this, sergeant.
I-I hope not so.
[CHUCKLES]
According to the Indian treaties
they can sue us for
defamation of character.
I can prove it, sir.
Do you remember that
I had to use a sword
and break him
out of that closet?
Yes.
If that closet was
locked from the outside,
why wasn't the key in the lock?
PARMENTER: Ah.
So... [CLAPS HANDS]
All we have to do
is search Wise Owl.
And if he has the key,
that he really is the thief.
[♪♪♪]
No one move.
I guess this mean I not
get paid for finding thief.
I don't think you're
entitled to payment.
However, I'll check the manual.
Never mind. As
wise man once say:
"When all look dark and
everything go against you,
just hold head
up high... [SIGHS]
and run for door."
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]
Well, heh. Agarn got him, sir.
Agarn? How? Yeah.
By forgetting to fix that
loose board on the porch.
Oh.
So Wise Owl had all
the loot in his tepee?
Yeah. Wild Eagle checked
with the other tribes
and found out why
Wise Owl is so good
as a finder of lost things.
Why?
Heh. Because he finds
them before they're lost.
Sure glad I got my memory back
when Wise Owl slugged me.
We'll make the hitch
rack this time, Thunder.
Watch it, Agarn.
You lost your memory
when you got
flung off that horse.
Oh, I'm sure it was
just one of those things.
Just one of those crazy flings.
Yeah. Just one of those things.
Go, Thunder. Fly, boy!
[THUNDER GALLOPS]
[SNORTS]
[GRUNTS]
Oh. Are you all right, corporal?
Hey. It's me, O'Rourke.
Ah. Corporal O'Rourke.
No, uh, sergeant.
Ah, Corporal Sergeant.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Here we go again.
[GRUNTS] Up.
[♪♪♪]
[GROANS]
[♪♪♪]