F Troop (1965–1967): Season 2, Episode 12 - La Dolce Courage - full transcript
An Italian father and daughter visit Fort Courage pursued by a spurned lover.
[COCK CROWS]
[♪♪♪]
I'm calling a surprise
Indian alert drill, Dobbs.
That's the second
time this week, sir.
I know. But in the
event of an Indian attack,
the state of readiness
of the men of F Troop
can mean the difference
between life and:
[IMITATES SLASHING]
What's that, sir?
That is a lock of
General Custer's hair.
He never called a
surprise Indian alert drill.
[PLAYING BUGLE]
[SNORING]
Hey, sarge. Mm? Mm?
You hear something? I...
Oh, yeah. It s... It
sounds like a bugle.
Ha-hm-hm.
[BUGLE CONTINUES PLAYING]
Shall we try the tom-toms, sir?
Well, it didn't work last time.
Maybe I had the wrong beat.
That's why I prepared
something more drastic.
[♪♪♪]
Fifty-five, 56, 57...
Indians!
Indians!
[ALL YELLING]
Hey!
[BUGLE PLAYING]
Uh, F Troop all present
and accounted for, sir.
Thank you, sergeant.
Congratulations, men.
This was a surprise
Indian alert drill.
And you have
assembled in record time.
We'd have been
dead for 20 minutes.
It's still a record.
Last time we were dead
for an hour and a half.
Captain.
There's a
suspicious-looking wagon
parked on the outskirts of town.
Oh? What makes you say the wagon
is suspicious-looking, Duffy?
When I tried to get closer, a
man jumped out with a rifle,
yelled something in
a foreign language.
Well, that makes the
man suspicious all right,
but the wagon could
be perfectly harmless.
O'ROURKE: Captain, sir.
I think maybe you'd better
send out a scouting party.
That's a good idea, sergeant.
You and Corporal Agarn go
have a look and report back to me.
Yes, sir. Oh, but before you do,
you and the men
had better put out
the fires in your barracks.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[WHISPERS] I didn't
wanna alarm the captain
but we may be on the trail
of an international spy.
[YELLING IN ITALIAN]
Don't come no closer.
Yeah, we're soldiers.
United States Army.
You not from Il Piede Nero?
We don't even know
what that means. Yeah...
Friends. Friends. Papa.
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
They say they're friends.
How do we know they're friends?
But we are friends.
We're buddies, see?
[MURMURS]
I am Sergeant O'Rourke,
and this is Corporal Agarn.
We're stationed over
at, uh, Fort Courage.
Pleased to meet you.
I am Signor Emilio Barberini.
And this is my daughter, Gina.
Ciao.
We'd be delighted,
thanks. It smells great.
Ciao means "hello" in Italian.
Oh, but of course,
you are welcome
to share our simple little meal.
It's delicious.
You like anguille marinate?
You are looking at a man
who could eat anguille marinate
every day of the week.
You mean you could eat marinated
eels every day of the week?
Well... sure.
Except that this ain't the week.
In Sicily, which is our
home, I have a restaurant.
I make much lire.
Did you hear that, Agarn?
He makes mucha lire.
Well, What's lire? Money, money.
But we have to leave Sicily
because Mario Marcucucci,
he wants to marry me.
And I do not him
want to marry back.
You hear that? She doesn't
him wanna marry back.
I love Mario, but he is as
romantic as the cold zucchini.
All he thinks of is Piede Nero.
Il Piede Nero, Il Piede Nero.
Well, maybe he doesn't
know what it means either.
Il Piede Nero is a secret
society to which Mario belongs.
And when Gina don't wanna
marry him, he make trouble.
He chase everybody
away from the restaurant.
I sure wish I could
get my hands on him.
Oh, no. He'd stab you dead.
On the other hand, it's
none of my business.
Uh, Signor Barberini...
what are your plans now?
We going to San Francisco
and open up a new
restaurant there.
If there's one thing San
Francisco don't have,
it's an Italian restaurant.
Ooh.
Why don't you just
stay on right here?
I mean, I happen to know
the owner of the saloon,
and, uh, he'd be happy to have
you take over the dining room.
I don't know.
Oh, you'd be a big success.
Make, uh, much lire.
It's worth a try.
Papa, what if
Mario finds us here?
Gina, your worries are over.
Fort Courage is the
last place Mario will look.
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
[LAUGHS]
[♪♪♪]
Agarn, this will
make a gold mine
for O'Rourke Enterprises.
Every meatball a nugget.
Yeah, but first we
gotta make sure
of our source of supplies.
Good thinking. Where
are we gonna get supplies?
[SNAPS]
From those little
old noodle makers...
the Hekawis.
O'Rourke need new business
like porcupine need new quills.
That's no way to talk, chief.
Progress is the very
keynote of success. Mm.
In the race of life,
he who stands in one
place is left behind.
He who seeks new
horizons is rewarded
with gold-fruited affluence.
Where you learn this?
I read it on the bottom
of my cereal bowl,
next to the rabbit.
Uh... What do you say, chief?
I mean, your people
could be a big help.
They could make the vino.
How you make vino?
You pick the grapes
and then you stomp on them.
Stop!
Two more stomps
and you not make vino,
you make rain.
Hekawis stomp on
grapes all the time.
Not get vino.
Well, what do you get?
Flat, messy grapes.
What do you do with the juice?
Throw away juice. Flat,
messy grapes best part.
From now on, you save the juice.
Crazy Cat say
Hekawis stay out of
Italian restaurant business.
Crazy Cat not
speak for all Hekawis.
Crazy Cat speak
only for Crazy Cat!
Wild Eagle speak
for all Hekawis.
That 'cause Wild Eagle
have bigger mouth.
Decision is made.
We help O'Rourke.
For it is written
that when shadow of
plump squaw fall on tepee,
then he who swims in waterfall
make bark peel from birch tree.
Is that another wise
old Indian saying?
No, me read it in pemmican
bowl, next to buffalo.
Well, you won't be sorry, chief.
Once you taste Italian
food, I'm gonna tell...
You'll know why our restaurant
is gonna make a fortune.
You'll love anguille
marinate. WILD EAGLE: Huh?
No like marinated eels.
How did he know?
Hekawi ancestors stand on shore
when Columbus arrive.
They have lunch together.
He's got to be kidding.
Yeah, sure.
Well, you just get to work on it
and we'll keep
in touch, all right?
Eh, so long. So long.
Arrivederci.
And that's the magazine
where we keep the ammunition.
And that's the stable
where we keep the horses.
And that's the
captain's quarters
where we... keep the captain.
[LAUGHS]
Caporale, I like your fort.
Is molto bello.
We like him. Or it.
And I like you, caporale.
You're not like Mario.
You would comprehend
how to make amore,
Italian style, huh?
I saw an Italian opera once.
Then you know how
to make the amore.
But of course. I stab
myself while you cough.
GINA [LAUGHS]:
Oh, Agarn. You are...
As they say in
America, you are cute.
Ah, well, hello, Gina.
Buongiorno, sergente.
Agarn, aren't you supposed to be
drilling the recruits?
Just tell 'em to
start without me.
Hop to it, hop to it. Hm-mm.
Uh, whoop, whoop, whoop, who.
Here we go. Over that way.
That's the door.
Well, Gina, how would
you like to have me
show you around the fort?
Oh, I would adore that.
Over there is the magazine
where we keep the ammunition.
Over there are the stables,
where we keep the horses.
And, uh, over there is
the captain's quarters.
That's, uh... That's
where we keep the captain.
[BOTH LAUGH]
I like your fort, sergente.
And I like you too for being
so good to Papa and me.
For arranging the restaurant.
Oh, my pleasure. My pleasure.
And without getting anything
out of it for yourself, huh?
Ah, well, I wouldn't say
that's quite true exactly.
GINA: Oh, sergente,
you are molto generoso.
Molto generoso? Uh?
"Very generous."
[♪♪♪]
Oh, uh, sir. Sergeant.
Yeah, oh, uh, Pete
over at the saloon
hired an Italian chef, sir.
This is his daughter.
Oh, I didn't know
Pete had a daughter.
No, no, sir. The
chef's daughter.
This is Gina Barberini.
Our Captain Parmenter.
How do you do?
Buongiorno, mio capitano.
[NERVOUS LAUGH]
Sergeant, I've been
looking for Corporal Agarn.
Well, I think he's
drilling the recruits, sir.
Well, perhaps you'd
better give him a hand.
Ah... Oh, uh, yes, sir.
Uh...
Capitano. I am most anxious
to see the fort, huh?
Oh. Mm.
Well, uh, yes, of course. I...
Uh, that's the magazine
where we keep the ammunition.
And that's the stable
where we keep the horses.
And, uh, that's the captain's
quarters, where we keep me.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
GINA: Oh. Your sense of
humor is as charming as you.
[LAUGHS] Hm.
Oh. Right.
E-excuse me, please.
I have to go find Sergeant
O'Rourke and Corporal Agarn.
But they are busy
drilling the recruits.
Yeah, but I just
remembered something.
We don't have any recruits.
Excuse me.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Ow.
Wilton?
What are you doing?
Who's there?
It's me, Jane.
Oh. Oh. Of course, Jane,
I'd know your voice anywhere.
I'm practicing assembling
my pistol blindfolded.
It's an exercise in the
Army manual, Chapter 10.
Well, that seems silly to me.
Well, in case the
Indians attack at night,
I'll be able to put my
pistol together in the dark.
What would it be doing apart?
Maybe I'd better have
a look at Chapter 9.
Anyhow, I baked you this pie.
Oh, wonderful.
Oh.
That smells delicious, Jane.
That's a...
Oh. And it looks delicious.
It's rhubarb pie.
I got another rhubarb
pie in the oven.
Oh, good. Thank you, Janey.
Captain. Look.
Someone's been walking
through the rhubarb.
Captain. I found
one of these too.
Under my pillow.
Maybe the foot fairy left it.
[GIGGLES]
There must be an
epidemic of 'em.
Uh, where'd you find yours?
Now, you ain't gonna
believe this, sarge.
But I found this foot
in my foot locker.
It must be the
Blackfoot Indians.
I'd know their calling
card anywhere.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Coming.
[LAUGHING] Oh.
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
[LAUGHS] Oh!
We have come to invite
you to our opening tonight.
Yes.
Because you've
been so good to us.
Oh, I'm sorry, Gina,
but we can't be there.
You see, the Blackfoot
is on the warpath.
Well, that... The...
The Black Foot?
Il Piede Nero. Eeeh.
The long hand of the Black Foot
has reached out for us.
Then this secret
society of Sicily,
Il Piede Nero, means
"the Black Foot?"
[BOTH GASP]
That's right.
And those are their warnings.
Mario has found us.
We must leave immediatamente.
Goodbye.
You're not running away
from Mario anymore.
You're under the
protection of the Army now.
Ain't that so, captain?
That's right.
After all, what is this one man
against the whole
of F Troop? Ha.
[WHOOSHES]
[GINA SCREAMS]
On the other hand, we...
could always send
for reinforcements.
[ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYING]
[EXHALES]
Hey, sarge.
You think anybody
will recognize me?
Agarn, you look like
you just got off the boat.
Then how did you know it was me?
Listen, you're an
undercover man.
Now, just get out
there and do your job,
and watch out for any
suspicious characters.
Go sell 'em everything you got.
[EXHALES]
Buonasera, gentlemen.
[ITALIAN ACCENT] You're going
to have a dinner with us tonight?
Ha-ha. Bravo.
May I suggest when
you start, minestrone?
Uh, that sounds good. Yeah.
Bravo.
Four mine-strone.
DOBBS: Uh, wait a
second, I changed my mind.
Three minestrone.
You can cancel mine too.
Two minestrone.
One minestrone?
No minestrone.
That's four... no min-estrone.
Now, how many are not
gonna have spaghetti?
Four no spaghetti.
May I suggest...
specialty of the house?
DOBBS: Yeah.
Stuffed vulture.
How much?
For four of you, 65 cents.
Oh, that's too much.
That's not too much!
The chef worked very
hard to stuff the vulture.
You ever stuff a vulture?
Make you so mad,
you wanna kill him.
You're going to have
four stuffed vulture...
and caffè expresso...
and tomato sauce.
You don't need that knife.
Our spaghetti,
she's very tender.
Well, you see
anybody suspicious?
Not even one suspich.
All right.
Where'd you get the knife?
[NORMAL VOICE]
That table over there.
[♪♪♪]
[GASPS]
Caporale... you
forget something?
No, no.
The captain sent me back
to make sure
everything was all right.
The capitano is very nice.
I would have come
anyway. You're very nice too.
Gina. Beautiful, beautiful Gina.
Please, caporale, do
not start with the amore.
Mario's the only man
in the whole wide world
I can ever love.
And I hate him.
EMILIO: Gina!
Papa calls me.
Be a nice caporale
and sweep for me, huh?
Mario. Mario.
Always Mario.
I wish she hated me
like she hates him.
You're... You're...
You're... You're the...
Mario Marcucucci.
Ba, ba, ba, ba...
Ba, ba... Black Foot.
Very black.
Pleased to meet
you. I was just leaving.
You're not leaving.
I'm not leaving.
Not till I kill you.
Not till you kill me.
Now, what would you
wanna do a thing like that for?
Well, because, uh, Gina,
she's in love with you,
and you are in love with Gina.
And anybody
Gina, she's in love...
[CROAKS]
- -I kill.
I'm not gonna have Gina,
everybody not gonna
have Gina, capiche?
You got it all wrong.
Gina ain't in love with me.
You lie.
I seen her pinch
on your little cheek.
She just wanted to put a
little color in my cheeks.
I was pale. I've been sick.
You lie again.
No, I'm not. Look
how pale I am. See?
Here. You wanna pinch my cheek?
I don't wanna pinch your cheek.
I wanna cut out
your lying tongue.
Mario... Gina
don't even like me.
Why, you can even ask her.
Gina!
GINA: I'll be right
out, caporale.
Don't tell her I'm here.
Oh, I don't tell
her you're here.
I'm gonna hide. Yeah,
you're gonna hide.
Then I find out
if you lie. Oh, no.
Hey. Where do you
think is a good place
for me to hide?
Behind the bar.
Ah, va bene.
Caporale, papa and
I are ready to lock up,
so you can...
[♪♪♪]
So... you can walk
me back to the wagon.
I-I-I-I...
I can't walk you
back to the wagon.
I-I... I gotta stay
here and sweep.
Sweep, sweep, sweep.
Yes. Sweep me into your arms.
Gina, what are you saying?
Do not try to
fight it any longer.
I don't have that
much longer to fight.
Hold me closer. Hug me. Kiss me.
Gina, Mario is behind the bar.
I know. I'm trying
to make him jealous.
Well, you're gonna make me dead.
Mmm.
Until tomorrow, innamorato mio.
See?
I told you there was
nothing between us.
I got one final
thing to say to you.
[STAMMERS] Final?
How do you do that?
You mean how
do I shake like this?
No.
How do you stir up such
fires of passion in my Gina?
To me, she's cold like ice.
Well... I guess
some fellows have it
and some fellows don't.
Get me some.
[♪♪♪]
Mario. Look, don't
you understand?
In order to win Gina,
you gotta be, uh...
romantic.
I am a Sicilian. I
was born romantic.
Mario, a knife is not romantic.
In my neighborhood it is.
You know, Jane tells me
that girls like to
hear nice things...
tender words.
Like what?
I don't know. But
I can ask Jane.
No matter.
Whenever I look at Gina,
my tongue, she's... tied.
All right, maybe you could,
you know, serenade her.
Ta-da!
Hm? I no can sing.
His tonsils, they're tied too.
How do you like that?
We got the only Italian
in the whole world
who can't sing.
Let's see... Mario...
I got an idea.
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Hold it.
Oh, Mario.
I have waited for
this for so long.
First, finish the song.
Later, huh?
Now.
Gina, mia, you
stand right here...
and I will... finish the song.
Quick, the song. The song.
Oh-ho. Where was I?
[CLEARS THROAT]
[HUMMING]
Get the light.
I can't find the matches.
Sergeant, light the lantern
so he can find the matches.
Gina, mia.
I have... to make to
you... the confession.
Mario... I know it
was not your singing.
Such a bad actor.
Oh, Mario.
You must love me very
much to do such a foolish thing.
I always love you, Gina.
How come you never
love me back, huh?
Because a woman,
she cannot love someone
who needs a secret
society behind him
in order to be a man.
For you, Gina,
I wash my hands
of the Black Foot.
And we marry, and
we go San Francisco,
and your papa open
up a restaurant...
Not so fast.
First, you throw
away the stupid knife.
My knife?
It's either me or the knife.
I found the matches. Oh.
The lantern.
Mario.
Here.
Hey, now... Now...
Whew.
That was close, captain.
He got you between
your Santa and your Lucia.
[BUGLE WAILING OUT OF TUNE]
F Troop all present
and accounted for, sir.
Thank you, sergeant.
Men... you responded in
the record-breaking time
of two minutes to
that Indian alert drill.
Dobbs, that was
Mess Call you blew.
Now, that's hitting
below the belt.
[CHUCKLES]
Stay hungry, men.
And the Indians can
never take us by surprise.
[♪♪♪]
You're tardy,
corporal. I'm sorry, sir.
I stopped to give directions
to an old Chinese
gentleman and his daughter.
They gave me a
cookie for my trouble.
Hey. There's a message inside.
Huh? What does it
say? Here, let's see.
Uh, "Do not stop
to give directions
to stranger and daughter."
Oh, that's ridiculous!
[♪♪♪]
Uh, do you know any
Chinese songs, captain?
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
I'm calling a surprise
Indian alert drill, Dobbs.
That's the second
time this week, sir.
I know. But in the
event of an Indian attack,
the state of readiness
of the men of F Troop
can mean the difference
between life and:
[IMITATES SLASHING]
What's that, sir?
That is a lock of
General Custer's hair.
He never called a
surprise Indian alert drill.
[PLAYING BUGLE]
[SNORING]
Hey, sarge. Mm? Mm?
You hear something? I...
Oh, yeah. It s... It
sounds like a bugle.
Ha-hm-hm.
[BUGLE CONTINUES PLAYING]
Shall we try the tom-toms, sir?
Well, it didn't work last time.
Maybe I had the wrong beat.
That's why I prepared
something more drastic.
[♪♪♪]
Fifty-five, 56, 57...
Indians!
Indians!
[ALL YELLING]
Hey!
[BUGLE PLAYING]
Uh, F Troop all present
and accounted for, sir.
Thank you, sergeant.
Congratulations, men.
This was a surprise
Indian alert drill.
And you have
assembled in record time.
We'd have been
dead for 20 minutes.
It's still a record.
Last time we were dead
for an hour and a half.
Captain.
There's a
suspicious-looking wagon
parked on the outskirts of town.
Oh? What makes you say the wagon
is suspicious-looking, Duffy?
When I tried to get closer, a
man jumped out with a rifle,
yelled something in
a foreign language.
Well, that makes the
man suspicious all right,
but the wagon could
be perfectly harmless.
O'ROURKE: Captain, sir.
I think maybe you'd better
send out a scouting party.
That's a good idea, sergeant.
You and Corporal Agarn go
have a look and report back to me.
Yes, sir. Oh, but before you do,
you and the men
had better put out
the fires in your barracks.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[WHISPERS] I didn't
wanna alarm the captain
but we may be on the trail
of an international spy.
[YELLING IN ITALIAN]
Don't come no closer.
Yeah, we're soldiers.
United States Army.
You not from Il Piede Nero?
We don't even know
what that means. Yeah...
Friends. Friends. Papa.
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
They say they're friends.
How do we know they're friends?
But we are friends.
We're buddies, see?
[MURMURS]
I am Sergeant O'Rourke,
and this is Corporal Agarn.
We're stationed over
at, uh, Fort Courage.
Pleased to meet you.
I am Signor Emilio Barberini.
And this is my daughter, Gina.
Ciao.
We'd be delighted,
thanks. It smells great.
Ciao means "hello" in Italian.
Oh, but of course,
you are welcome
to share our simple little meal.
It's delicious.
You like anguille marinate?
You are looking at a man
who could eat anguille marinate
every day of the week.
You mean you could eat marinated
eels every day of the week?
Well... sure.
Except that this ain't the week.
In Sicily, which is our
home, I have a restaurant.
I make much lire.
Did you hear that, Agarn?
He makes mucha lire.
Well, What's lire? Money, money.
But we have to leave Sicily
because Mario Marcucucci,
he wants to marry me.
And I do not him
want to marry back.
You hear that? She doesn't
him wanna marry back.
I love Mario, but he is as
romantic as the cold zucchini.
All he thinks of is Piede Nero.
Il Piede Nero, Il Piede Nero.
Well, maybe he doesn't
know what it means either.
Il Piede Nero is a secret
society to which Mario belongs.
And when Gina don't wanna
marry him, he make trouble.
He chase everybody
away from the restaurant.
I sure wish I could
get my hands on him.
Oh, no. He'd stab you dead.
On the other hand, it's
none of my business.
Uh, Signor Barberini...
what are your plans now?
We going to San Francisco
and open up a new
restaurant there.
If there's one thing San
Francisco don't have,
it's an Italian restaurant.
Ooh.
Why don't you just
stay on right here?
I mean, I happen to know
the owner of the saloon,
and, uh, he'd be happy to have
you take over the dining room.
I don't know.
Oh, you'd be a big success.
Make, uh, much lire.
It's worth a try.
Papa, what if
Mario finds us here?
Gina, your worries are over.
Fort Courage is the
last place Mario will look.
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
[LAUGHS]
[♪♪♪]
Agarn, this will
make a gold mine
for O'Rourke Enterprises.
Every meatball a nugget.
Yeah, but first we
gotta make sure
of our source of supplies.
Good thinking. Where
are we gonna get supplies?
[SNAPS]
From those little
old noodle makers...
the Hekawis.
O'Rourke need new business
like porcupine need new quills.
That's no way to talk, chief.
Progress is the very
keynote of success. Mm.
In the race of life,
he who stands in one
place is left behind.
He who seeks new
horizons is rewarded
with gold-fruited affluence.
Where you learn this?
I read it on the bottom
of my cereal bowl,
next to the rabbit.
Uh... What do you say, chief?
I mean, your people
could be a big help.
They could make the vino.
How you make vino?
You pick the grapes
and then you stomp on them.
Stop!
Two more stomps
and you not make vino,
you make rain.
Hekawis stomp on
grapes all the time.
Not get vino.
Well, what do you get?
Flat, messy grapes.
What do you do with the juice?
Throw away juice. Flat,
messy grapes best part.
From now on, you save the juice.
Crazy Cat say
Hekawis stay out of
Italian restaurant business.
Crazy Cat not
speak for all Hekawis.
Crazy Cat speak
only for Crazy Cat!
Wild Eagle speak
for all Hekawis.
That 'cause Wild Eagle
have bigger mouth.
Decision is made.
We help O'Rourke.
For it is written
that when shadow of
plump squaw fall on tepee,
then he who swims in waterfall
make bark peel from birch tree.
Is that another wise
old Indian saying?
No, me read it in pemmican
bowl, next to buffalo.
Well, you won't be sorry, chief.
Once you taste Italian
food, I'm gonna tell...
You'll know why our restaurant
is gonna make a fortune.
You'll love anguille
marinate. WILD EAGLE: Huh?
No like marinated eels.
How did he know?
Hekawi ancestors stand on shore
when Columbus arrive.
They have lunch together.
He's got to be kidding.
Yeah, sure.
Well, you just get to work on it
and we'll keep
in touch, all right?
Eh, so long. So long.
Arrivederci.
And that's the magazine
where we keep the ammunition.
And that's the stable
where we keep the horses.
And that's the
captain's quarters
where we... keep the captain.
[LAUGHS]
Caporale, I like your fort.
Is molto bello.
We like him. Or it.
And I like you, caporale.
You're not like Mario.
You would comprehend
how to make amore,
Italian style, huh?
I saw an Italian opera once.
Then you know how
to make the amore.
But of course. I stab
myself while you cough.
GINA [LAUGHS]:
Oh, Agarn. You are...
As they say in
America, you are cute.
Ah, well, hello, Gina.
Buongiorno, sergente.
Agarn, aren't you supposed to be
drilling the recruits?
Just tell 'em to
start without me.
Hop to it, hop to it. Hm-mm.
Uh, whoop, whoop, whoop, who.
Here we go. Over that way.
That's the door.
Well, Gina, how would
you like to have me
show you around the fort?
Oh, I would adore that.
Over there is the magazine
where we keep the ammunition.
Over there are the stables,
where we keep the horses.
And, uh, over there is
the captain's quarters.
That's, uh... That's
where we keep the captain.
[BOTH LAUGH]
I like your fort, sergente.
And I like you too for being
so good to Papa and me.
For arranging the restaurant.
Oh, my pleasure. My pleasure.
And without getting anything
out of it for yourself, huh?
Ah, well, I wouldn't say
that's quite true exactly.
GINA: Oh, sergente,
you are molto generoso.
Molto generoso? Uh?
"Very generous."
[♪♪♪]
Oh, uh, sir. Sergeant.
Yeah, oh, uh, Pete
over at the saloon
hired an Italian chef, sir.
This is his daughter.
Oh, I didn't know
Pete had a daughter.
No, no, sir. The
chef's daughter.
This is Gina Barberini.
Our Captain Parmenter.
How do you do?
Buongiorno, mio capitano.
[NERVOUS LAUGH]
Sergeant, I've been
looking for Corporal Agarn.
Well, I think he's
drilling the recruits, sir.
Well, perhaps you'd
better give him a hand.
Ah... Oh, uh, yes, sir.
Uh...
Capitano. I am most anxious
to see the fort, huh?
Oh. Mm.
Well, uh, yes, of course. I...
Uh, that's the magazine
where we keep the ammunition.
And that's the stable
where we keep the horses.
And, uh, that's the captain's
quarters, where we keep me.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
GINA: Oh. Your sense of
humor is as charming as you.
[LAUGHS] Hm.
Oh. Right.
E-excuse me, please.
I have to go find Sergeant
O'Rourke and Corporal Agarn.
But they are busy
drilling the recruits.
Yeah, but I just
remembered something.
We don't have any recruits.
Excuse me.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Ow.
Wilton?
What are you doing?
Who's there?
It's me, Jane.
Oh. Oh. Of course, Jane,
I'd know your voice anywhere.
I'm practicing assembling
my pistol blindfolded.
It's an exercise in the
Army manual, Chapter 10.
Well, that seems silly to me.
Well, in case the
Indians attack at night,
I'll be able to put my
pistol together in the dark.
What would it be doing apart?
Maybe I'd better have
a look at Chapter 9.
Anyhow, I baked you this pie.
Oh, wonderful.
Oh.
That smells delicious, Jane.
That's a...
Oh. And it looks delicious.
It's rhubarb pie.
I got another rhubarb
pie in the oven.
Oh, good. Thank you, Janey.
Captain. Look.
Someone's been walking
through the rhubarb.
Captain. I found
one of these too.
Under my pillow.
Maybe the foot fairy left it.
[GIGGLES]
There must be an
epidemic of 'em.
Uh, where'd you find yours?
Now, you ain't gonna
believe this, sarge.
But I found this foot
in my foot locker.
It must be the
Blackfoot Indians.
I'd know their calling
card anywhere.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Coming.
[LAUGHING] Oh.
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
[LAUGHS] Oh!
We have come to invite
you to our opening tonight.
Yes.
Because you've
been so good to us.
Oh, I'm sorry, Gina,
but we can't be there.
You see, the Blackfoot
is on the warpath.
Well, that... The...
The Black Foot?
Il Piede Nero. Eeeh.
The long hand of the Black Foot
has reached out for us.
Then this secret
society of Sicily,
Il Piede Nero, means
"the Black Foot?"
[BOTH GASP]
That's right.
And those are their warnings.
Mario has found us.
We must leave immediatamente.
Goodbye.
You're not running away
from Mario anymore.
You're under the
protection of the Army now.
Ain't that so, captain?
That's right.
After all, what is this one man
against the whole
of F Troop? Ha.
[WHOOSHES]
[GINA SCREAMS]
On the other hand, we...
could always send
for reinforcements.
[ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYING]
[EXHALES]
Hey, sarge.
You think anybody
will recognize me?
Agarn, you look like
you just got off the boat.
Then how did you know it was me?
Listen, you're an
undercover man.
Now, just get out
there and do your job,
and watch out for any
suspicious characters.
Go sell 'em everything you got.
[EXHALES]
Buonasera, gentlemen.
[ITALIAN ACCENT] You're going
to have a dinner with us tonight?
Ha-ha. Bravo.
May I suggest when
you start, minestrone?
Uh, that sounds good. Yeah.
Bravo.
Four mine-strone.
DOBBS: Uh, wait a
second, I changed my mind.
Three minestrone.
You can cancel mine too.
Two minestrone.
One minestrone?
No minestrone.
That's four... no min-estrone.
Now, how many are not
gonna have spaghetti?
Four no spaghetti.
May I suggest...
specialty of the house?
DOBBS: Yeah.
Stuffed vulture.
How much?
For four of you, 65 cents.
Oh, that's too much.
That's not too much!
The chef worked very
hard to stuff the vulture.
You ever stuff a vulture?
Make you so mad,
you wanna kill him.
You're going to have
four stuffed vulture...
and caffè expresso...
and tomato sauce.
You don't need that knife.
Our spaghetti,
she's very tender.
Well, you see
anybody suspicious?
Not even one suspich.
All right.
Where'd you get the knife?
[NORMAL VOICE]
That table over there.
[♪♪♪]
[GASPS]
Caporale... you
forget something?
No, no.
The captain sent me back
to make sure
everything was all right.
The capitano is very nice.
I would have come
anyway. You're very nice too.
Gina. Beautiful, beautiful Gina.
Please, caporale, do
not start with the amore.
Mario's the only man
in the whole wide world
I can ever love.
And I hate him.
EMILIO: Gina!
Papa calls me.
Be a nice caporale
and sweep for me, huh?
Mario. Mario.
Always Mario.
I wish she hated me
like she hates him.
You're... You're...
You're... You're the...
Mario Marcucucci.
Ba, ba, ba, ba...
Ba, ba... Black Foot.
Very black.
Pleased to meet
you. I was just leaving.
You're not leaving.
I'm not leaving.
Not till I kill you.
Not till you kill me.
Now, what would you
wanna do a thing like that for?
Well, because, uh, Gina,
she's in love with you,
and you are in love with Gina.
And anybody
Gina, she's in love...
[CROAKS]
- -I kill.
I'm not gonna have Gina,
everybody not gonna
have Gina, capiche?
You got it all wrong.
Gina ain't in love with me.
You lie.
I seen her pinch
on your little cheek.
She just wanted to put a
little color in my cheeks.
I was pale. I've been sick.
You lie again.
No, I'm not. Look
how pale I am. See?
Here. You wanna pinch my cheek?
I don't wanna pinch your cheek.
I wanna cut out
your lying tongue.
Mario... Gina
don't even like me.
Why, you can even ask her.
Gina!
GINA: I'll be right
out, caporale.
Don't tell her I'm here.
Oh, I don't tell
her you're here.
I'm gonna hide. Yeah,
you're gonna hide.
Then I find out
if you lie. Oh, no.
Hey. Where do you
think is a good place
for me to hide?
Behind the bar.
Ah, va bene.
Caporale, papa and
I are ready to lock up,
so you can...
[♪♪♪]
So... you can walk
me back to the wagon.
I-I-I-I...
I can't walk you
back to the wagon.
I-I... I gotta stay
here and sweep.
Sweep, sweep, sweep.
Yes. Sweep me into your arms.
Gina, what are you saying?
Do not try to
fight it any longer.
I don't have that
much longer to fight.
Hold me closer. Hug me. Kiss me.
Gina, Mario is behind the bar.
I know. I'm trying
to make him jealous.
Well, you're gonna make me dead.
Mmm.
Until tomorrow, innamorato mio.
See?
I told you there was
nothing between us.
I got one final
thing to say to you.
[STAMMERS] Final?
How do you do that?
You mean how
do I shake like this?
No.
How do you stir up such
fires of passion in my Gina?
To me, she's cold like ice.
Well... I guess
some fellows have it
and some fellows don't.
Get me some.
[♪♪♪]
Mario. Look, don't
you understand?
In order to win Gina,
you gotta be, uh...
romantic.
I am a Sicilian. I
was born romantic.
Mario, a knife is not romantic.
In my neighborhood it is.
You know, Jane tells me
that girls like to
hear nice things...
tender words.
Like what?
I don't know. But
I can ask Jane.
No matter.
Whenever I look at Gina,
my tongue, she's... tied.
All right, maybe you could,
you know, serenade her.
Ta-da!
Hm? I no can sing.
His tonsils, they're tied too.
How do you like that?
We got the only Italian
in the whole world
who can't sing.
Let's see... Mario...
I got an idea.
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
Hold it.
Oh, Mario.
I have waited for
this for so long.
First, finish the song.
Later, huh?
Now.
Gina, mia, you
stand right here...
and I will... finish the song.
Quick, the song. The song.
Oh-ho. Where was I?
[CLEARS THROAT]
[HUMMING]
Get the light.
I can't find the matches.
Sergeant, light the lantern
so he can find the matches.
Gina, mia.
I have... to make to
you... the confession.
Mario... I know it
was not your singing.
Such a bad actor.
Oh, Mario.
You must love me very
much to do such a foolish thing.
I always love you, Gina.
How come you never
love me back, huh?
Because a woman,
she cannot love someone
who needs a secret
society behind him
in order to be a man.
For you, Gina,
I wash my hands
of the Black Foot.
And we marry, and
we go San Francisco,
and your papa open
up a restaurant...
Not so fast.
First, you throw
away the stupid knife.
My knife?
It's either me or the knife.
I found the matches. Oh.
The lantern.
Mario.
Here.
Hey, now... Now...
Whew.
That was close, captain.
He got you between
your Santa and your Lucia.
[BUGLE WAILING OUT OF TUNE]
F Troop all present
and accounted for, sir.
Thank you, sergeant.
Men... you responded in
the record-breaking time
of two minutes to
that Indian alert drill.
Dobbs, that was
Mess Call you blew.
Now, that's hitting
below the belt.
[CHUCKLES]
Stay hungry, men.
And the Indians can
never take us by surprise.
[♪♪♪]
You're tardy,
corporal. I'm sorry, sir.
I stopped to give directions
to an old Chinese
gentleman and his daughter.
They gave me a
cookie for my trouble.
Hey. There's a message inside.
Huh? What does it
say? Here, let's see.
Uh, "Do not stop
to give directions
to stranger and daughter."
Oh, that's ridiculous!
[♪♪♪]
Uh, do you know any
Chinese songs, captain?
[♪♪♪]