Escape to the Chateau DIY (2018–2021): Season 2, Episode 23 - Episode #2.23 - full transcript

Dick, voiceover:
I'm Dick Strawbridge,

and along with my wife, Angel,
and our two children,

we've spent the last four years
turning an abandoned chateau

into our dream home.

Dick: No way.

Dick, voiceover:
It's not just where we live...

Angel: And you're in charge
of the kitchen.

Dick, voiceover:
It's where we work.

Angel: We're in business.

Dick, voiceover: And it turns
out we're not the only Brits

who have crossed the Channel
for the chateau life.



[Bell ringing]
Dinnertime!

Dick, voiceover:
Now Angel and I are back,

guiding more owners
on their chateau adventure.

- How big is your pot of gold?
- Not big enough, I'm afraid.

Angel: If you stand
from where I'm standing,

I think it looks
quite lovely.

Woman: Go, go, go!

Dick, voiceover: We'll work
with some familiar faces

and some who are new
to chateau life,

as they battle
to renovate their homes...

Dick: In the next
nuclear holocaust,

this will be
what's left.

Dick, voiceover: And make them
work as businesses.

You've got everything
done on the list?



Ta-da!

Dick, voiceover:
There will be ups...

and downs.

Fiona: If this glass breaks,

there's gonna be more Euros
in my swear jar.

[Crack]

Dick, voiceover: But
however hard the going gets...

[Crash]

Dick, voiceover:
For these plucky Brits,

their homes really are
their castles.

[Indistinct voices]

Dick, voiceover:
Today...

Please be careful.

Thank you, baby.

Dick, voiceover:
For one couple,

their chateau renovations
reached new heights.

Wow. Well, that
was unexpected.

Dick, voiceover: I get a visit
from a green-eyed monster.

Dick: I am genuinely
very jealous.

This is worthy of a bit
of cogitation. Hold on.

That is a thing
of beauty.

Dick, voiceover: And work
is way behind schedule

24 hours before
one chateau owner

welcomes his first
paying visitors.

Stephan: We have
two guests arriving,

and they're not expecting
a building site.

We're trying to make sure that
they will have a nice apartment,

and I think we'll manage,
but there's still a lot to do.

[Music playing]

Dick: This is the gorgeous
Chateau de Lomenie.

Built in 1750 as a winery,
it's now home

to British artist Johnny
and his American partner Ashley.

You do have a sense
of responsibility

towards the building,
because, you know,

you've got this
connection and respect

for the building
that you've got.

Dick: Located near Bordeaux,
Lomenie sits

in a sprawling
15 acres of land

and boasts 21 rooms.

Johnny: As you walk over
these beautiful stone floors,

you can feel there's
valleys and dips

where people have walked and
carved, just with their feet,

the wear and tear, and
every time I do walk over it,

I get a little tingle
down my spine.

[Music playing]

Dick: They hope
to make the chateau pay

by hosting art lovers
weekends,

where the package for guests
will include meals,

accommodation,
and art workshops.

But that means a top-to-bottom
refurbishment.

They've created
a dining area.

Johnny: This is
really gonna give

our little humble carriage house
a bit of "wow" factor.

Dick: Awesome.

But there's still
a stack of work to do.

I ridiculously thought

this whole place would be
renovated in a year,

and, I don't know,
a tiny fraction has been done.

So, it's...it's overwhelming.

Nothing in the chateau
is ever a quick fix.

It always takes time.

Dick: And time is not
on their side.

They plan to start taking
bookings in just two months.

Now they're finishing
turning the library

into a reception area.

Ashley: I'm worried the whole
thing is gonna come crashing in.

Johnny: It won't, babe.
It won't come crashing down.

Dick: They want to remove
the overhead ironwork

so they can make a feature
of the vaulted ceiling.

Johnny: The ladder's fine.
It's not going anywhere.

But, obviously, the higher
I get, it gets a bit top-heavy.

So, just center myself
and ground myself,

keep me grounded
to Chateau de Lomenie.

I don't want to be
airborne today, baby.

No airborne
for Johnny Darko.

Say it back to me.

No airborne
for Johnny Darko.

Thank you, baby.
Ha ha ha!

[Music playing]

Ideally, I'd like to be
up on top.

Do you know what I mean?
Like this.

Ashley: Like, really, we should
just go get scaffolding.

Dick: I'm with Ashley.
Scaffolding is the way to go.

Undeterred, Johnny's determined
to get the job done.

[Grinder whirring]

Johnny: Oops.

Dick: Easy, Johnny.

Luckily, it's just
a piece of plaster.

Johnny: This is getting pretty
knackered already, this bit.

Ashley: Honey, you're not gonna
take this thing down yourself.

Johnny: Well, we'll see,
isn't it?

Ashley: Well, no,
we won't just see.

It's a heavy, giant...
It's not funny. Ha ha!

Johnny: Well,
one minute you say,

"Let's crack on.
Let's do it."

Now you're like--we have
a little bit of plaster broken,

and now you're like,
"Phone the army."

Just let me go and get
my stronger wheel.

Ashley: I think
Johnny sometimes thinks

he's Hercules, when, in fact,
ha ha, he's not.

And...you know, I mean, that's
a really heavy piece of iron.

I really don't see how
one person can take that down.

Dick: Johnny
must have a vision.

Armed with a new blade
and a Herculean attitude,

he gets back
to his Olympian task.

Johnny: Yeah, this
is not nice, baby.

This is the story
of chateau life.

You start a project
with the wrong tools

simply to get it
done quickly,

but you have to have
the right tools,

and you have to
do it safely.

I'm actually
very worried.

[Music playing]

Dick: Around 170 miles away,
close to the Loire Valley,

is the picturesque
Chateau la Grande Maison.

Billie: Shall we have a look
at the wine press?

Dick: It's home
to singer Billie

and her music-producer
husband Ben.

Billie: Right.

Dick: They swapped a busy
touring and recording schedule

for a more family-friendly
life in France

with their daughter Ella,
now 13.

Billie: She's on target
for employee of the month

at the moment.
Ha ha ha!

Dick: Set
over three stories,

the chateau is run
as a boutique B&B,

and to generate
much-needed extra revenue,

they're creating
wining and dining areas

in two of the chateau's
most charming rooms.

This summer, we have
two main projects.

One is finishing off
the orangery,

which also includes
finishing off the pressoir.

Dick: They're planning a launch
in less than a month.

And today the focus
is on the pressoir,

which will be used
to offer guests

a wine-tasting experience

before they dine
in the orangery.

Ben: The pressoir--or in English
you would call it the winery--

is the place where they
used to make wine here.

The place used to be
a 55-hectare estate

with loads of vines,
and the previous owner

built the winery.

Dick: To bring some of that
history back to life,

they want to restore
the old grape press

to its former glory,
so it can serve

as an eye-catching
centerpiece

when the winery
is filled with guests.

Billie: It's gonna be
about the wine.

This whole room needs to be
about enjoying the wine

and thinking about the wine,
planning the next wine,

um, and sort of thinking
about the whole process

that brought the wine
to your glass.

Dick: But it's not
going to be straightforward,

as the press
is currently in pieces

and most of the parts
are not from the original.

So, with my engineer's head on,

I've traveled
over 100 miles south

to see if I can help get
the press in working order.

Hiya. Good to see you.

Welcome, Dick.
Really good to see you.

- Darling, good to see you.
- Lovely to meet you.

Ben: Welcome.

Dick: It's the first time

I've seen this wonderful home
in the flesh.

You'd never guess it was here
from the road, would you?

You would never guess.
This is our little secret.

Dick: Wow.
You've got your courtyard.

You see, courtyards
are quite special.

Billie: Yes, it's lovely.

Ben: It's funny.
In England,

we point our houses
out to the road,

and then we sit in the back
in our lovely gardens,

and you look at the drainpipes
of your house.

But the French do
the exact opposite.

You sit out and you look
at the nice bit of your house,

and then the back bit
is for everybody else.

Dick: I've got to tell you,
it is absolutely gorgeous.

And considering
we're near the road,

you can't hear a single thing.
Quiet village?

It was a quiet village
till we moved in.

But you're rolling it out
bit by bit.

Bit by bit, and the priority
was the business straightaway

to get open and start
income coming in,

because we just came here
on a zero budget.

Right, because you want a hand
today with the press, yeah?

Ben: If that's all right, Dick,
that would be fantastic.

I'll go grab some tools.
Is that part of it?

That's part of it, yeah.

If it's heavy,
it's part of it.

Dick, voiceover: Most of
the parts of the press mechanism

are made from cast iron.

I'll carry this one.

Dick, voiceover: So,
a weights workout to boot...

for Ben, anyway.

[Music playing]

Well done.

Oh, beautiful!

Ben: Yeah. Come in, Dick.

It's gonna be a while
till I can offer you

a glass of wine,
I'm afraid.

Dick, voiceover:
Ben and Billie

are onto a winner
with this one.

The old winery oozes character,
even without the wine.

- It's phenomenal.
- Yeah, it's beautiful.

And the juice
that comes out...

- Yeah, into the vats.
- Into the vats.

Isn't that
a lovely thing?

This is
a very nice feature.

Under here...It will take me
a while to clear it,

but there's, um...
that's just a board,

and there's
a seat in there,

and you'd sit in and jug out
the wine into the barrels.

and then off to
the barrel room over there.

Ah. That's...right.
I'm properly jealous.

Having said that,
it doesn't work, does it?

- I'm afraid not.
- So I'm not that jealous yet.

The problem was,
when we arrived here,

the press that we thought we had
had been sold,

and it went off
to the next village.

We now don't
have a press.

Dick, voiceover: With
the original press gone,

Ben and Billie have managed
to acquire a replacement,

which they're hoping
will fit together

with what's been
left behind.

So, what is originally
from this pressoir? That?

That's original,
which is a thread

that goes right into
the concrete floor,

and the nut, which is
the one on the left.

Dick: So, when you put it on
to begin with,

this gets filled
with fruit,

and this is all
they have pressing down?

Yeah, this and the boards
that you can see at the bottom.

The grapes would come
through the window.

You would pretty much fill this
almost to the top,

and then you'd put the pressing
plates on top of that,

and then you would gently
press the boards down

just gently
crushing the grapes,

and that would make
your first wine,

which would probably be
for the owner of the house.

The first juices are
the sweetest, the best,

and the owner gets that.

Yes. Press it again,
and by this time,

you're squeezing out
things from the skins.

It's pips, it's skin,
it's stalks.

It's anything that
hasn't been separated

from the actual
grape itself, yeah?

That's right, and that would be
part of the wages for workers.

They used to get four liters
of wine in their contracts

every single day.

Six bottles? Six bottles
of wine a day?

You can't see productivity
being very high, can you?

Ben: It can't
have been very high.

And there's one more press
that you can squeeze

out of this pile of grapes.

They use that to make a marc,
or a country alcohol.

Dick, voiceover: Ben's got
the complete picture

of winemaking here,
which is more than can be said

for his press.

Getting the bespoke parts
of two machines to work together

is a tall order,

but Ben's got his heart set
on showing the press off

at the launch.

Dick: So, basically,
in here,

this is part
of a function room?

Ben: Yes. This is
the main piece objet

in the...
in the function room.

This has got to
look good.

Right. With that in mind,
what can we achieve with this?

That's the key question.

Let's have a look
at all the bits.

Dick, voiceover: We're going
to give it our best shot,

and hopefully Ben and Billie
will have the centerpiece

they're after
for their launch night.

This is the remarkable

12th-century
Chateau de Lucheux,

which towers over
1,000 acres of land.

Stephan: Look at the sheer
size of the thing.

Dick: It's been taken on
by interior designer Nicole...

Nicole: That's
really cool.

Dick: And architect Stephan,

who plan to transform it
into 18 holiday homes.

Nicole: Big picture is to make
this site live again.

It is an awesome place.

So I hope we can make it
into something

which is even more beautiful.

It was empty
for years and years.

Dick: It's located approximately
60 miles from Dunkirk

in northern France,

and renovation work
has begun

on the chateau's
gatehouse apartment.

But for now, tools
have been downed

because Stephan has been called
back to his other chateau.

[Music playing]

Half an hour away

is the striking
Chateau d'Humieres.

It's Stephan's family home,

and he and Nicole started
doing it up last year.

So far, they've created
a beautiful event space...

Stephan: People love it,
and this was the aim of it,

that people would be able
to enjoy the place.

Dick: Plus a serene
guest room.

Nicole: The colors here are
kind of subdued and relaxing,

and I didn't want to
subtract from the view.

Dick: Now this room
is about to become part

of a self-contained
ground-floor apartment.

[Music playing]

The problem is, the first
booking is for tomorrow,

and it's nowhere
near ready.

The dated kitchen
needs overhauling,

and as for the bathroom
and living room...

Stephan: We have
two guests arriving,

and they are not expecting
a building site.

We're trying to make sure
that they will have

a nice apartment,
and I think we'll manage,

but there's still
a lot to do.

Dick: And with Nicole away,
working in the south of France,

Stephan's drafted in
a team of volunteers

to help meet what looks like
an impossible deadline.

Woman: We started
painting today,

and hopefully by the end
of today, it will be done.

Ha ha ha!

Dick: Leaving his helpers
knee-deep in paint,

Stephan's turned his attention
to a rather pressing issue

that needs to be
sorted sharpish.

Stephan: We have
this problem

where we cannot lock
the door from the outside.

We can lock these doors
from the inside,

but this will also be
the entrance door,

and we cannot lock it
from the outside

because there's
no lock on it.

I'll come up
with something.

I'll come up with something
nice for this one,

figure out something.

Dick: I love
your optimism, Stephan.

Second woman: You seem
quite relaxed today.

You see, the door
two bits is mine.

That's the one I did.

Dick: And while he mulls over
his lock problem,

it's on to the kitchen
for Stephan,

where he's come up
with a way

to spruce up
the worn work surface.

Stephan: I really want
to finish the worktop

with a nice black epoxy
which dries in three hours,

so it should be
timewise ok.

It's a new product.

Dick: Epoxy resin
is a manmade liquid

that, when it sets,
can produce a uniform finish.

Stephan: It's one layer of epoxy
on another one.

So, it's coming out the color
I like, so that's good.

So, you just go over it.
Just paint it, yeah.

Dick: With that job
in hand,

Stephan moves on
to another urgent issue.

Stephan: Now, there should be
plasterboard going over there,

in this doorway leading
towards the event space,

which is now filled with
all of our building material.

Dick: The problem is,
he hasn't got

a piece of plasterboard
big enough to block the doorway.

Stephan: So, today
we've been having

lots of troubles,
lots of surprises.

We've had building materials
not coming by

which should have
been here,

and they should be
bringing us plasterboard,

which we need
to fix a hole.

Dick: Stephan
has decided

he's got to get
the plasterboard himself

if he's to have any chance of
getting the apartment finished

in time for his guests'
arrival tomorrow.

[Music playing]

410 miles away, near Bordeaux,
at Chateau de Lomenie...

I'm happy to say Johnny's
done the sensible thing

and got himself
a scaffold tower.

- You good?
- Yeah, yeah.

- You sure.
- Yeah.

- You all right?
- Yep.

Dick: This way, he'll have
a stable platform

while he tries to remove
the ironwork

from the library ceiling.

They just need to work out
how to put it up.

Johnny: I think
flip it over, babe.

Ashley: So,
it looks like...

Johnny: These sections
here, right?

Where do they go?
Where's the picture?

Ashley: Where's "D"?

Johnny: "D"?
You just had "D."

There we go.

Dick: 30 minutes later,
et voila.

Time for take two.

- Please be careful.
- Thank you, baby.

[Grinder whirring]

Johnny: Oh.

When you cut, it opens up
a little channel,

but that hole naturally
wants to close.

So the blade's
actually getting caught,

and that's when I got
a bit of a kickback,

which was not very pleasant,
babe, I can tell you.

My next cut
is underneath, though,

so we should be
all right.

[Grinder whirring]

[Clunk]

Wow. Well, that was
unexpected.

They're not really
tied in at all.

Ashley: That is
one little piece,

and it's...
it's pretty heavy.

Yeah, it's a lot thicker
than I actually thought it was.

Imagine, you were gonna try
to take that down

in one piece
by yourself.

Johnny: Yeah, I know.
It's crazy, isn't it, babe?

It's a bit of a nasty job,
to be honest.

Dick: Obviously time
for a rethink.

Something that I thought
would be a lot straightforward

has now turned
into something

that we've got to approach
really more delicately.

And it's what the chateau
is asking for,

a little bit of respect.

Dick: And there's nothing
more delicate or respectful

than a good whack
with a hammer.

[Hammering]

Johnny: It is lifting.

If that is not tied in...

Oh, happy days.

Dick: Good old muscle power
is doing the job,

and the frame is beginning
to come apart.

Johnny: Voila.

I mean, I love doing
the manual work. I really do.

I think even if the budget
allowed for it,

I would still probably
want to do it myself.

You don't get dull.
You don't become

that blunt tool
in the toolbox, you know.

You're keeping on top
of your skills.

Dick: With the last
of the iron struts gone,

the library's vaulted ceiling
is finally revealed.

Johnny: Has a whole different
feel to it now.

Ashley: It does.

So we need to say
thank you to the chateau

for allowing us to gently remove
some of her fiber.

Thank you, Lomenie.

Johnny: What we're gonna
do now is go ahead

and give her a lovely
clean facelift

that'll make it up to her.

So, I think what
we're gonna do

is follow this blue color
all the way up,

and...imagine old churches,

they have
those little stars,

and it's chippy
and broken up.

Johnny: Once
the floors are done,

that will actually be the very
first room in the chateau

that we've actually
finished to completion.

Dick: Well, they'd
better get a move on,

because soon Johnny
will be a one-man band.

Ashley: So, I'm in France
for another four days,

and then I head to my next job
for about seven weeks.

[Music playing]

Dick: Until the chateau
starts to generate income,

freelance producer Ashley

has to take on jobs
to keep the cash rolling in.

Right after that,
we want to do

our first
art lovers weekend.

So, the library
needs to be finished

before we can open.

I mean, it's really a lot
for one person to do,

and Johnny the artist does not
handle pressure very well.

But there's no option
for not getting it done.

There's no plan "B."

[Music playing]

Dick: 170 miles north,
at Chateau la Grande Maison,

I've come to help
chateau owner Ben

assemble his old wine press.

Let's have a look
at all the bits.

We need to see if the
replacement parts Ben sourced

will fit on the press'
original screw thread.

Now, this is the head.
This goes on top.

Let's get it on there.

It's heavy enough,
isn't it?

Ben: 1, 2, 3.

Dick, voiceover: This huge lump
is part of the ratchet mechanism

which would squeeze
the grapes below.

Dick: That would press
your grapes already.

Ben: Yeah, it would.

Dick, voiceover: The next nut
is from the original press.

Dick: Ok. So, we know
this thread works.

Ok, and watch your back.
1, 2, 3.

Dick, voiceover:
And look at that.

It still fits
like a dream.

But it's another story
when it comes

to the replacement parts

that help hold
the ratchet handle in place.

For this to work, those two
plates should be the same level.

Ben: Exactly, yes.

Dick: So, this bit here
should be same level as that.

Lift that off.

Dick, voiceover: To get
these parts to sit correctly,

we have to take
the original nut off...

Dick: That's it.
Ben: 1, 2, 3.

That is heavy,
isn't it?

Dick, voiceover: And use
the nut from the replacement,

if it fits.

Dick: It feels like
it should go on.

Ben: Yeah.

Dick: Never going any further.
That's a real bummer.

Ben: Such a shame.

Dick: Now, you'll never get that
to work on that thread. Ok?

Dick, voiceover:
The new nut won't fit,

so Ben won't be pressing grapes
any time soon.

All is not lost.

I think we can still
spruce it up

to be the focal point
at the upcoming event.

Making it look pretty
is a different game.

Dick, voiceover:
Speaking of pretty,

Billie's pressing issue
is beautifying

the adjacent orangery.

She's already met
my lovely wife, Angel...

- Hi! I'm Billie.
- Hi, Billie!

Dick, voiceover: For some tips
on using pressed flowers.

That has really
inspired me.

Dick, voiceover: Today,
Billie's putting

those ideas
into action here.

Billie: I'm gonna try
and super-size

some pressed flowers
and get some bigger things

than you might normally expect
into a frame

for the orangery.

Um, and I've no idea
if it will work,

because I haven't pressed
any flowers before.

Dick, voiceover:
The orangery was built

by 19th-century French botanist
Olivier Jules Richard,

who Billie is
paying homage to.

Billie: Canna plant.
They're quite exotic.

And I think our botanist
probably planted these,

because they were quite
a new discovery at the time.

Um, so I just
need to find one

that's got a good bit
of flower on.

So, I'll just go
into the jungle.

I'll cut it
really far down.

Ok. That's pretty nice.

And I also want to try
some of this mimosa.

The leaves
are really pretty.

Yeah, that looks
quite nice.

[Music playing]

Dick: Specimens selected.

Now Billie needs to create
a giant flower press.

Billie: Hello, Jimmy.
You going to help?

So, if I use this table,
I can lay everything flat

and clamp it
either side,

um, and that will be
enough weight hopefully

to press the flowers.

I've no idea
if this is going to work.

So, the principle is

to put them in absorbent paper
under weight.

I'll have a look
in three or four days,

and then hopefully
in a week or two,

it will be flat enough
to put in between glass.

This is actually too big
even for this.

So I'm gonna have to
cut it a little bit.

Hopefully, if this works,

I can do this
with a few other things

and get all
the flowers I need.

Dick: With the plants sandwiched
between two pieces of chipboard,

the flower press
is almost complete.

Billie: Ok.
Please stay flat.

Hopefully it'll look good enough
to put up in a glass frame

and just not some sort
of rotten mush.

Dick: Well, Billie, just a week
or two, and you'll find out.

[Music playing]

At Chateau de Lomenie,
with the metalwork taken down

from the library ceiling, Johnny
and Ashley are on their way

to transforming the room
into a reception area

for the art retreats
they plan to launch

in just under two months.

Johnny: There's a whole
different feel to it now.

Dick: Ashley's about to leave
on a seven-week work trip,

so they're stepping
things up a gear

while they can still
work together as a team.

Johnny: All that's
been painted blue now.

So lots of work has been done
in the last couple of days,

which has really took
its toll on us.

We've really,
really struggled.

Ashley: And it's been
so incredibly hot.

Yeah, it just got to us.
It was too much.

And it's the first time
we actually full-on argued.

I said something
very mean yesterday.

I said, "I can't wait
to go away on my shoot."

You did, baby.
That's right.

But we're still here.
Today's a new day.

Dick: And today's campaign?

We're gonna put nudes
of Ashley up in my library.

I'm hoping today is gonna be
a lot more straightforward.

Dick: And what could be
more straightforward

than hanging Ashley

in the newly painted
vaulted ceiling?

Johnny: My muse
has been immortalized.

Ashley: I'm not quite sure
how I feel about my naked body

up in the library roof.
It's a little weird.

But, um, we'll see
what they look like.

Johnny: It's gonna
look awesome, baby.

2,160.

Dick: And with Johnny's
masterpiece measured up,

they just need to choose
the right spot to hang it.

So, what I would do, I'd find
the center up there.

All right? The center.

And we get
the artwork centered

with equal distance
left, right, top, and bottom.

Ashley: Yeah.

Johnny: It's gonna sit
like that.

So, this is what
I need to measure.

Ok. So, 2,350.

Ashley: Ok.

Dick: So far, so good.

Johnny: 2,200.
Is that the same as the other?

- No.
- Really?

Johnny: All right.
What are we looking at?

What's that number
there, babe?

Ashley: That number is
for the width of the top part.

- So, you're 1,290?
- Mm-hmm.

- You're sure?
- Yeah.

Dick: The numbers just don't
seem to be adding up.

Do you know, when I called out
the measurement,

did you write it down?

Yeah. It's 2,150.

Johnny: Ok. So, it's
one, two, buckle my shoe.

So, we need four.

Johnny: Just be quiet
one sec, please.

I just want to put
the art up, babe.

Ashley: I know.

Johnny: Give me
something to build,

something to repair,
and I can do it,

but ask me to subtract
50 mil from 100,

and then my brain
just goes cuckoo.

Daddy's struggling today.

Ashley: This is gonna be
for dummies, right?

Wall, 2,150.
Wall, 1,715.

Art, 1,550. The wall's 1,600,
and the art is 1,550.

So, the art's smaller.
So, 25 mil...ok.

Johnny: Happy days.

Dick: Give Ashley
a gold star.

The numbers are
finally making sense.

Johnny: Something that should
have took us a sweet 20 minutes

to do all
the measurements up here

and measurements
down here on the floor

has taken
close to an hour.

My brain just
doesn't grasp numbers.

Dick: With the code cracked
and the perfect spot chosen,

It's back up the tower to get
Ashley hung on the wall.

Johnny: All right.
Are we ready now?

[Staple gun clicks]

Baby, what are we
doing today?

Ashley: We're renovating
the chateau.

Johnny: We're renovating
the chateau.

Dick: Painting up, they can
take pride in their handiwork.

[Music playing]

Ashley: I hate the library.
I don't like the blue.

Dick: Or maybe not.

You don't like it?

No.

- It breaks my heart.
- Well, I have to be honest.

[Dog whines]

But I told I didn't want
to put the blue up

in the first place, babe.
Now I've done it backwards.

Now that the art is up, I'm
afraid I've got to repaint it.

Ashley: I know.

Dick: With the hard work
now amounting to nothing

and Ashley leaving
in the morning,

I can understand if Johnny
is feeling a little deflated.

But the most important thing
is not to feel overwhelmed,

drop a new plan,
and crack on.

What can you do?

You can't get it right
all the time, can you?

Dick: At Chateau d'Humieres,

Stephan's trying to get the
ground-floor apartment revamped

in time for the arrival of
tomorrow's first paying guests.

Stephan: There's still
so much to do.

We need to finish paints.

We need to have a few plumbing
connections still done,

electricity still
connected over there.

Paint job being
finished here.

Decoration, sofa, beds,
decorate, television.

[Mutters] Television
also needs to be fixed.

It's just...we're just
running over time.

Dick: And while Stephan
is off on a mission

to pick up some materials,
work in the bathroom

has come
to a standstill.

Woman: Originally we thought
there would be molding

where the ceiling
meets the wall

and we wouldn't have to paint
such a crisp line.

But now there's
no molding,

so we have to finish
painting the white.

But we're out
of white paint,

and this has to be done
by tomorrow.

Dick: Time for
an emergency phone call.

Stephan: Hello.

Hi, Stephan. Um...
we're out of white paint.

Stephan: Ok. I'll see
what I can do.

Ok. Thanks. Bye.

Dick: With work at a halt
in the bathroom,

the rest
of the apartment

is very slowly beginning
to take shape.

And before long,
Stephan's back

but without
the essential plasterboard.

Stephan: I've only gotten
the pot of paint, nothing else.

It couldn't fit
in the car.

It's extremely
frustrating,

because now I need
to get the van

and drive all the way
to the other chateau,

where I have lots
of plasterboard

and bring that
over here.

Let's hand them
the paint,

and let's get on
with the show.

There's still
so much to do.

Wow.

Man: Just waiting
for it to dry.

Dick: Stephan's quick-dry epoxy
has still not set.

But he has come up
with a solution

for the issue of the front door
with no lock.

We found
this amazing thing.

We're gonna do something
very special with it.

Let me show you.
I'll go and get it.

[Music playing]

We found
this amazing lock

which comes out of...
I think a 15th-century closet.

And I think there's
nothing more romantical

than to put this
outside as the lock.

Something like this.

And we're gonna find a way
to fit it on here

so that it's the way
to...to lock the castle.

Dick: So, that's
one problem solved,

and work
is now progressing.

But it's still going to
be touch-and-go

as to whether everything
is done in time.

Stephan: So, we're absolutely
running out of time.

Even the plasterboard
which we needed

will only come too late, so
we'll have to fit it tomorrow.

So I think we will be working
through the entire night.

It's absolutely
horrendous.

[Music playing]

Dick, voiceover:
At la Grande Maison,

a stone's throw
from the Loire Valley,

Ben and I have had
to give up on the idea

of getting his old
wine press working.

Dick: So, the only way
that you're going to actually

make this into a working system
with this set of pieces

is a new thread.

Dick, voiceover:
Because we can't get

the parts
to fit together,

we're gonna prop them
into place with wooden blocks

so that the press
will look the part,

even if it doesn't work.

[Saw whirring]

I can understand his desire
to squash fruit.

If you have something like this,
you just want to do it.

But, again,
business comes first.

The first thing that's got to
get done is get this in there,

get people in here
giving them money, yeah,

for what he's doing.

Then he can actually
see about going out

and getting
one of those.

Not having
the right thread

is not actually going to
stop him making money,

which I think
is quite important.

[Music playing]

Dick, voiceover: My plan
is to temporarily hold

the parts in place
with ropes.

Dick: Tell me
if this works for you.

Ben: I've got
the heavy end.

Dick: "I've got
the heavy end."

We'll just now
fit that there.

Dick, voiceover:
And we'll remove them

once the heavy cast-iron
is supported

by the newly cut
blocks below.

Ben: Yeah.
That's looking good.

Dick: Nobody will ever
see that, will they?

Dick, voiceover:
It may not be functional,

but to Ben and Billie's guests,
it'll look the part.

Dick: One hand on this,
and tap, tap it in.

Ben: Ok. That's it.

All good here.

[Music playing]

Now, if we take
the string off,

it'll either
all fall down,

or it'll sit
on the weight that's here.

Ben: Yes.

Dick, voiceover: Ropes off,
and it's all holding together.

Now Ben can tap in the pins
to secure the handle.

Dick: You're putting sawdust
on our pressoir.

Ok. This goes away,
and this comes...

Dick, voiceover: We've pieced
the puzzle together,

and I have to admit,
it looks great.

Ben: It is a thing
of beauty, isn't it?

Dick: You're gonna love it,
haven't you?

Oh, man, I love it!

Ok. That's all right.

[Tools rattle]

Ben: That is fantastic.

Dick: I think,
when it comes down

to your business element of this
and this being part of it,

you have got a pressoir

that looks pretty impressive
from here.

And I think that's
the best you're gonna do

until you get
a matching thread for that.

Ben: Excellent.

Dick: And now, you see,
that's a talking piece.

Ben: Yeah.

Dick, voiceover: Improvisation
to the rescue again.

- Look at that movement.
- Beautiful.

Dick: I am genuinely
very jealous.

I think this is, um, worthy
of a bit of cogitation.

Hold on. That is
a thing of beauty.

Ben: That really is
a thing of beauty.

Thanks, mate. Thank you
so much for your help.

That is really fantastic.

Dick, voiceover: What do you
call two chateau owners

who have managed to assemble
an old wine press?

Happy, that's what.

[Music playing]

Back at Chateau
de Lomenie,

Ashley is about to leave
on a work trip to the States,

leaving Johnny home alone

and at the helm
of the renovations.

Johnny: So, have you printed out
your boarding pass?

Ashley: Yeah, I did.

Johnny: And where
is that, babe?

Ashley: Ha ha.
That's a good question.

Dick: Saying goodbye
is never easy.

Johnny: It's always a sad time
when baby goes.

Ashley: I'm going to
miss Johnny.

I'm going to miss Abernathy
and the chateau,

and it's always
a sad time.

Johnny: So, I'll give you
my pledge, baby.

When you come back,
the floors will be done.

Take one good look
now, because...

Ashley: Here it is.
Transformation. I believe you.

It's the only thing I'm excited
about going away for,

is that,
when I come back,

there's gonna be
a transformation.

[Music playing]

Dick: Johnny's taking stock
of what he's got to achieve

to get the place ready
to receive guests

when Ashley's back
from her trip.

Johnny: It's gonna be
an interesting seven weeks.

She's away for
close to two months,

and within that time, um,

there's a hell of a lot
that I've got to do.

The list of stuff to do
is endless.

It just never stops.

When Ashley is away, it's just
my energy levels drop.

I'm so much in love with her
that when she goes,

part of me goes
with her, you see.

Dick: So, for now,
he's decided to stop working

on the library ceiling.

Johnny: I've been up there
in that heat,

and it's just
been frustrating.

I just need a break
from being up there.

But now that
my baby's not here,

I'm gonna just march to the beat
of my own drum, so to speak.

I'm here.
Booboo's here.

We're gonna take
the scaffolding down.

I do feel a bit
like a naughty schoolboy,

doing something
behind mother's back.

Oops. That's
a 200-year-old floor, Johnny.

It stood two World Wars.

Attacked by a scaffold.

Dick: With
the scaffolding down,

Johnny's treating himself
to a tea break.

Johnny: I'm not very good
under pressure. I do admit that.

Ashley will tell you
I'm too slow.

I actually do
agree with her.

Um, it's just
the way I operate.

And, you know,
I'm not 21 anymore.

This old man, I've been
around the block a few times.

But, yeah, am I making excuses?
Probably.

And then, of course, Ashley,
she comes back, and I know

the first week she does
and looks through the house,

and she's like, "Hmm.
if I was here..." Ha ha ha!

But it is what it is
at Chateau de Lomenie.

You know, all I can say
is thank God for British tea.

Dick: After her stint away,
Ashley was offered more work

that she couldn't
turn down,

great to get cash
coming into the chateau,

but it does mean
that the art retreat

has been put on hold
until next year.

Wishing you lots of luck
until then, guys.

[Music playing]

At d'Humieres
in northern France,

guests are arriving
in a few hours' time

to stay at the chateau's
new apartment.

Stephan and the team
have been at it all night,

but it's still
far from finished.

We've done a lot of things
in the bathroom.

We've siliconed
the showers,

and we've been working
on the worktop,

but we still have
some drama unfolding.

The epoxy is setting,
but it isn't set completely yet.

It should have been
setting, so...

Dick: That's not
the only drama.

The doorway
in the living room

has still got
a far-from-pretty view.

To fix the problem,
Stephan has a plan

and last night went
to pick up some materials

from his other chateau.

Stephan: I wanted you
to fit from there to this.

You take
the plasterboard.

And the wallpaper is actually
an imitation of a bookcase,

so it looks
like there's...

Oh, is there not
gonna be a doorway here?

No, no. It's gonna close it up,
yes, yes, yes.

Ah, I see. Ok.

And, like, this will have
the illusion of a bookcase here.

Dick: Novel idea.

[Drill whirring]

The guests are arriving
in less than two hours.

Keep at it, Stephan.

In the kitchen, time for
a final polish and shine.

Woman: So, I'm trying
to clean in here.

Um, we just discovered

there's a whole
dishwasher full of things.

Yeah, just massive cleaning.

Dick: Next-door,
the wallpaper is up

and has hidden the hole,
but time's running out,

and the apartment
is still a mess.

I think I've gotten about
one hour until they get here.

Second woman:
Je ne sais pas.

Woman: Ok.

[Music playing]

It's sticky.

[Music playing]

There's still so much to do
on the outside over here.

[Stephan speaking French]

[Hammering sounds]

Stephan: I still think
there's a little bit

of cleaning-up to do,
but it looks already very nice.

Almost there.
I see small details.

Dick: Well, the small details
will have to wait.

Time's up,
and the guests,

Remy and Adam
from Gloucestershire

have arrived
with their young son,

and they're looking forward
to their chateau experience.

We just wanted to come
away somewhere,

you know, away from home,
just the three of us,

just have a little time
to ourselves.

Dick: Stephan has had
a mad scramble

to get
the apartment ready.

[Indistinct]

Adam: All right. Hello.

Remy: Hello.

Stephan: Hi. Ok.
The kitchen, out.

Remy: Hello.
Nice to meet you.

Stephan: Nice to meet you, too.
This is your lovely son.

There's still some things
that need to be finished,

but you'll see, I think...
I hope you'll like it.

Dick: 24 hours ago,
the apartment was in chaos.

The kitchen
was tired and drab.

Now it's been
totally refreshed.

The living room
has been transformed

from an empty shell

into a chic
and comfortable space.

Stephan: The team
that has been working on here.

Remy: Oh, hello.
Wow! It is gorgeous!

Look at this fireplace!

Stephan: So, this is
the bedroom.

Remy: Oh, wow. Yes, that is
the pictures that we saw.

That is beautiful.
Thank you so much.

Dick: And the bathroom's gone
from half-finished

to smart
and contemporary.

Remy: Look at this.
What's that?

Are you gonna have
a bath here,

or are you gonna have
a shower in there?

Adam: A shower as well,
I would have thought.

Remy: Oh...

Dick: It looks like

you've pulled off
the impossible, Stephan.

All that's left now is
to hand over the ancient keys.

So, I do have to show you

how you'll have to
lock up the place,

because we had something
special for that.

The padlock is, like...

It's, like, a 200-year-old
padlock, 250-years-old padlock.

So we're going to
change it a bit more

into something
very romantical.

Voila.

- I'll give you the key.
- Thank you.

Dick: That was close.

The blood, sweat, and tears
of the past 24 hours

were worth it,
and Stephan's guests seem happy.

Remy: When we booked it,
we knew it was gonna be,

like, a work in progress,
so bits and bobs here,

but, you know,
we can manage.

- It's rustic.
- Yes.

Dick: Rustic? You should have
seen it yesterday.

Stephan: I'm very happy
that we've been able

to get our first guests
in the chateau itself,

because there's so much
that can go wrong

in such a place,
and you have to...

you really cannot
get stressed over it,

because otherwise
you have a short life.

[Music playing]

Dick: Next time...

two chateau owners
take the plunge...

You've got to make these
look like palm trees.

You melange them.

I'm like a duck
out of water here.

[Cheering]

Dick: As they throw
a hen party.

Third woman:
It's really short!

Dick: I give some sound advice
to a chateau owner...

It's well over
100 decibels.

Who wants his new music studio
to hit the right note.

Turn it down, please. You're
driving us batty down here.

And one medieval chateau
is under siege...

It's all happening.

Dick: As they open the gates
to over 500 visitors.

[Cheering]

Still today we have
a few hundred things to do.

[Music playing]