Escape to the Chateau DIY (2018–2021): Season 1, Episode 8 - The Halpins Finale - full transcript
Dick: This is me
Dick Strawbridge,
my wife Angel,
and our two children
in our glorious French chateau.
We haven't ever regretted
what we've done.
It is so worth it.
We moved here 3 years ago
to follow our dream
of living life
in our very own castle.
Angel: ha ha ha!
Oh, my God!
Dick, voice-over:
but it's not been easy...
I think I'm a bit
too old for this.
Dick, voice-over: as dozens
of other Brits know
only too well...
Oops. Floor needs replacing,
as well.
Ha ha ha!
Dick, voice-over: because it
turns out we're not
the only ex-pats who have
bought a French chateau.
Wow! Absolutely love it.
Jonathan: 25-year-old Bordeaux.
Motherlode!
Dick, voice-over: In this
series, we'll reveal
how we're running
our chateau as a business...
There's not a thing about
making sausage
that I don't find humorous.
Angel: I'm still finding
things that I haven't seen.
Dick, voice-over: and see how
these daring Brits
are running theirs...
- Lovely to meet you.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
This place is done up.
Dick, voice-over: as they face
the ups...
It's really beautiful.
This is a rare moment,
but I am genuinely at peace.
Dick, voice-over: and downs...
Philip: Um, it's a lot worse
than it looks.
Dick, voice-over:
of their new lives
in these crumbling
and magnificent buildings.
Man: It is a bit of a fantasy
living in French chateau.
We might have a few problems
on the way,
but that's part of life,
isn't it?
- Ha ha ha!
- Yeah.
Dick, voice-over: Today,
Angel gets crafty.
What are you doing
in my kitchen anyway?
Is it OK, baby, if I just
use your kitchen for a minute
to make some candles?
Dick, voice-over:
And wedding cakes.
Dick: What's down here?
Angel: Ta-da!
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Dick, voice-over: One couple
risk their future in France
on how a big event goes
at their chateau, but...
Jonathan: The lift has
jammed itself
on the ground floor.
Dick, voice-over: there's
one problem...
Jonathan: They don't think
they've got
any more parts like it
because it's so old.
Dick, voice-over:
after another...
I found the pipe
that's leaking.
It's got a split in it.
It looks like it is
the mains pipe.
Dick, voice-over:
and one chateau struggles
to be ready in time for its
first ever paying guests.
Steve:
This is full of sand.
[Thunder]
That is very threatening.
Dick: The beautiful
Chateau de Jalesnes sits
in the Loire Valley
and is the home and business
of couple Michael and Jonathan.
Michael: We love
the French lifestyle,
we love the French language,
love the French people.
Owning the chateau
is a brilliant experience.
Dick: They run it as a location
for holidays and weddings,
but now they're about to make
a decision
on whether or not
they should continue.
Today, they're prepping
for a wedding.
Jonathan: We've got
everything at stake.
There's no more money.
I don't think you can put
any more into it now.
I couldn't put any more hours
into this,
I couldn't put
any more money into it.
We haven't got any more money,
and I haven't got
any more time in the day,
so there's nothing more
we can put into it.
Dick: 45 guests
are due tomorrow,
and they'll be staying
for a week.
It's going to make them
£30,000 if it all goes well.
Jonathan: I need
the [indistinct] card, please,
to get some iron bar,
and have you got
any cash, as well, please?
Dick: Stress levels are high,
and the news that
the bride wants the wedding
to be held
in the chateau's forest
brings up new problems.
Michael: The wedding's
in the forest
by Jalesnes Tower.
It's changed,
so it's out there now.
Well, so what are they doing
with chairs then?
They're gonna carry
the chairs out there,
or they gonna stand
for the ceremony.
I didn't ask the detail.
Dick: And if that wasn't
enough to deal with,
there's a problem
with the chateau's lift.
Jonathan: The lift has
jammed itself
on the ground floor.
Fortunately, nobody inside it.
Door's jammed open,
and we're about
a foot, 30 centimeters or so,
off the level of the floor,
so we can't use it.
I've put in a call
to the engineer.
My worry is the bride
is going to have to come down
from the very top floor
in her wedding dress
and her wedding shoes
down an emergency staircase.
Just don't need things
like this to go wrong.
It only went on. Wait.
Dick: It will take
the engineer two hours
to drive to the chateau.
It gives Jonathan time
to deal
with another ongoing problem.
The shrine in the chateau's
grounds is still missing
a Jesus figurine
from its cross,
and now the bride wants
her wedding outside,
it needs to be replaced.
Luckily, an antique shop owner
has just been in touch
about a miniature Jesus
that's just come in.
Jonathan: So fingers crossed--
ha--Jesus, here we come.
Wow.
Merci bien.
I don't want it pristine
as the cross itself
isn't pristine,
but look at--
my goodness gracious.
I couldn't have wished
for better.
Dick: The price is OK,
but the only question
for Jonathan is the size.
I've forgotten
me blooming tape measure
after all that,
but I know
that the distance
between the nails on the cross
is the span of my hand.
Look. You couldn't get
better match than that,
so fingers crossed,
but it's in good nick,
so I'm very excited.
My goodness!
Day's turning out good.
Now all I need is the lift
to be fixed.
Un, deux, trois.
- C'est parfait.
- Merci bien.
- A bientót.
- A la prochaine.
- Au revoir.
- Au revoir.
Dick: Back at the chateau
and with the lift engineer
due to arrive at any moment,
Jonathan delegates
the Jesus repair
to one
of the volunteer workers Alan.
Jonathan: Moment of truth, Alan.
Alan: You did get
something then?
- I did, I did.
- Right.
Well, let's offer it up
and see what we've got.
Actually, this is too big.
Alan: No, no. Leave this
with me,
and I'll get him
attached to the cross
in a suitable manner.
This works for me.
Cheerio then.
- See you in a minute.
- Right.
Dick: The lift engineer
arrives on time,
but there's just half a day
remaining to fix
the fault in time
for the wedding.
Angela and I know
all too well
the challenges and costs
involved in putting on
weddings at a chateau.
One service we offer
the bride and groom
is to provide icing-free
wedding cakes.
A naked wedding cake.
It's the fashion in the UK.
We're kind of celebrating
Victoria sponges.
So last night,
I baked these cakes,
and if you bought a cake
like this,
you're talking 300, 400 quid.
Dick: The ingredients
for Angela's wedding cake
probably cost around £50.
Angel: I'm starting off
with my first layer,
and then I'm gonna put
butter cream, jam, second layer.
I'm using this little spatula
because I can't find
any other spatulas.
Remember, I'm in Dick's kitchen.
Dick: My kitchen. Remember that.
So he's probably filed them
somewhere else, which is fine.
I just don't know about it.
OK. So second layer.
Strawberry jam.
Dick: Now for the tricky part.
I always dread this bit. OK.
* Da da da *
Ha ha ha! OK. Here we go.
Right. Lovely.
Dick: Time for a little
structural engineering.
Angel: Now what's gonna
happen is as I put
the next layer on, it's gonna be
really, really heavy.
You can use jumbo straws
or dowels to take the pressure.
I mean it's everybody's
worst nightmare, isn't it,
that the wedding cake
starts falling down. Ha ha ha!
Right. I'm gonna need
a little board
because I can't just have
the dowels.
OK. So my final tier. OK.
This is where we decorate it
with flowers and berries
and all nice things
to make it
really, really,
really appetizing.
Just using little toothpicks
to just keep
the berries in position.
I'm just slowly
building this up.
Just a real celebration
of nature.
You know, it's berries
from the garden.
It's flowers from the garden.
It's all
about engineering.
I'm gonna finish this off
with a little bit
of caster sugar.
Ta-da! Ha ha ha!
I'd be happy with that
on my wedding.
Dick, voice-over: It doesn't
take long for the smell
of Angela's baking
to reach me and the kids.
Dick: Oh. What's down here?
Angel: Ta-da!
Arthur: It looks yummy!
Angel: Ha ha!
It looks like
a wedding cake!
Dick, voice-over: Little Arthur
and Dorothy love Mum's cake.
I think we'll let them
have some of this,
and we'll just have to
make another.
Arthur, do you think you could
eat all of this?
Dick: Ha ha ha!
There you go, baby.
- Ohh!
- My son's happy.
Dorothy: Is it a bad cake?
Dick: Mmm, mmm, mmm. A bite?
Wow. Very good.
Angel: Love you.
Thank you, darling.
Dick: It's the best cake.
Mmm, mmm.
And it's the best
finger dipper!
Angel: Ha ha ha!
Dick: At Chateau de Jalesnes
in the Loire Valley,
45 guests for the big wedding
arrive from America
in the morning.
The engineer has just
a few hours left
to fix the lift.
Jonathan: The lift has
jammed itself,
so we can't use it.
Let's hope it's not
too bad.
Dick: After about an hour,
Jonathan is anxious
for a progress report.
[Speaking French]
Oh, my God.
What this is is
a spring that works
the whole of the descent
of the lift,
and it's completely broken,
and he says
he doesn't think that
the part exists anymore.
Dick: Perched
on a steep hillside
overlooking the beautiful
Dordogne Valley
is the 17th century
Chateau Madame.
Originally built
as a defensive fort,
it's now owned
by business partners
and lifelong friends
Mandy and Steve,
whose dream is to run it
as a holiday gite.
Mandy: I think the nicest
thing I like
are the little towers.
For me, they create
the character of Chateau Madame
from the outside.
It really makes it
very distinctive
and very pretty actually.
It's just wonderful.
Dick: the chateau sits
in the heart of the Dordogne
about 100 miles east
of Bordeaux.
It's one of the most popular
regions of France for tourism,
and tomorrow,
Steve and Mandy are due
to receive their
first ever guests.
Right now, the pressure
is very, very heavy duty.
Dick: And they've been promised
a swimming pool...
Pick it up.
Dick: but it's been best
with problems--
rotten concrete,
a fallen wall,
complicated stonework,
and a leak.
Steve: There's been so many
things that have happened
that have held things up.
I tried so hard to just
think positive,
but thinking positive
doesn't fix things
that are a disaster.
Dick: At least
the pool's filled,
but he now only has a day
to finish the patio.
Steve: I'm pushing down
the corners to make a radius,
which makes them look
the right age,
but it also makes it
less apparent
when they're not
perfectly flat.
Dick: The roughened texture
also gives the patio
an anti-slip surface.
Steve: The fear is that you get
to the last possible thing
and you give it a tink
and the whole thing
splits right in half,
which happens sometimes.
Dick: Deep down, Steve
relishes the challenge
of getting this place
looking just right.
It might seem strange the idea
of getting everything
absolutely perfect
and tuning it like a violin,
but the fact is, um,
getting things right
is an enormous pleasure,
and that's really
where I get my enjoyment
out of doing things.
Dick: It's the final slab
of the patio.
I hope for Steve's sanity
it fits.
Steve: There. That works, fits.
Dick: Now he just needs to take
an inch or two off the edge.
I wonder where all that sand
and dust is going to end up.
Steve:
This is full of sand. OK.
That's, like,
disastrous actually.
Dick: All the debris
has ended up in the water.
Steve: So that sand
needed to be reduced,
and that has to be sponged out.
Steve needs to get a move on.
The margelles need cementing,
and now the pool
needs cleaning,
and the first ever guests
of this place
arrive tomorrow afternoon.
This has been the most
frustrating--
without any question,
the most frustrating thing.
Don't do it. Swimming pools
are nice to swim in,
but building them
very difficult.
Dick: After struggling
to make a profit
at Chateau de Jalesnes,
Jonathan and Michael
have decided their
biggest event of the year,
a wedding, is going to be
make or break for them.
If it works out well,
they'll stay.
If it goes badly,
they'll throw in the towel.
Jonathan: The general look
of the chateau,
it could never be more important
than the next couple of days.
Couple of days.
Hell, the wedding's tomorrow.
I haven't got a couple of days.
Dick: The 45 wedding guests
from America
will be staying
for a whole week.
Jonathan: If we don't go down
well in the States,
we are going to be in trouble.
This is the first,
and it can't be the last.
We can't afford
for that to happen.
Dick: But a broken lift
means the bride will have to
use the stairs
from her third floor suite
if it isn't fixed today.
Jonathan: So we're
touch and go now.
Just what a day, what a day
for it all to happen.
Dick: It's August,
and the lift engineer needs
to find a replacement part.
This is a time when most
of France
is closed for holidays.
Jonathan: Whether the lift
works or not rides
on this phone call.
- Hello.
- I can get the lift?
- No.
- Oh.
It's a part
about that big,
a little spring that's
just snapped in half
through just age, 20 years,
and they don't think
they've got any more parts
like it because it's so old.
He's ringing Angers to see
if his boss has got one,
and if he has,
they'll come out from Angers,
he'll drive towards Angers,
meet in the middle,
do the swap,
and come and do it.
Michael: Is it a part they
can order, though?
Well, don't know.
Should be able to make it
or do something with it.
Can't just condemn a whole lift
because of one small part.
Jonathan: What are we gonna do
about all he stuff
that's got to go up and down?
Just do it by hand.
[Jonathan sighs]
[Engineer speaking French]
Fantastic! He says he'll
be back here
in about half an hour.
Dick: While the engineer goes
to pick up the spare part,
Jonathan wants to see
how chateau volunteer Alan
is getting on
with an essential repair job.
Ready for the cross.
Dick: He was tasked
with putting Jesus
back on his cross.
Alan: Moment of truth.
How does that look?
Jonathan: Wow, wow!
Fantastic!
Now that is
finished off properly.
Doesn't that look spectacular?
That makes all the difference.
Having found that, he looks
absolutely right on there.
He's absolutely
the right color,
absolutely the right size.
I couldn't be happier.
- Good. Thank you, Alan.
- Pleasure.
Jonathan: Right.
Come on then, Lulu. This way.
[Whistles]
Dick: Michael and his team
of volunteers
are getting things ready
for tomorrow's wedding.
Michael: Do find that
when people are having
their disco in here
they do tend to break glass.
Heh heh.
Dick: The wedding planner
Janet is having to adapt
to a last-minute idea
from the bride.
Janet: The wedding was supposed
to be taking place
in one place outside.
Now they're going to get married
in the forest
by a little tower, so that's
a surprise for everyone,
which is a good
10-minutes' walk
if you're carrying chairs about.
Dick: The broken lift is also
adding pressure
to Janet's plans.
156 bottles of wine
are stuck on the top floor
of the chateau.
We're hoping that we can
get it to work.
If not, we will probably be
20 or 30 people
lined up down the stairs,
passing boxes of wine
to each other
so we can get it out
into the fridge this afternoon.
Dick: The list of lift jobs
is growing
from moving wine
to putting piles
of excess chairs
into storage.
45 minutes later,
the lift engineer returns,
and Jonathan's earlier optimism
takes a plunge.
Jonathan: He says
it's not the same piece,
but he says he's going to see
if it will work,
so we're still up
in the air with it.
Dick: I hope it works out,
Jonathan,
because if not,
you're going to have
a lot of annoyed wedding guests
on your hands,
and that's not going to be
good for business.
At Chateau de la Motte-Husson,
Angel and I
are always trying out new things
that could potentially
help our business.
Everywhere I look,
she seems to be burning
scented candles.
I'm spending far too much
money on candles.
If I'm really pushing
a boat out,
I'll spend 40 quid on a candle.
I know it's absolutely
daylight robbery, isn't it?
I'm giving this a go
because it's
really, really simple to make,
so I've bought this soya wax,
and I'm gonna melt it down.
Dick: Angel picked up
a kilogram bag of this stuff
for just a tenner.
I'm gonna do it
like I would heat chocolate.
Dick: She melts it
on a low heat.
So it doesn't burn it.
Dick: And 5 minutes later...
Angel: All right.
We're nearly there.
This is good.
Might have to call my husband
because I'm using
his meat thermometer.
Baby, come here.
Sorry. I didn't know--
am I allowed to use this?
Oh, it's not--
is this the sweets thermometer?
- Yeah.
- Ah.
- Say 50 on it?
- Huh?
Yes. It's perfect. 50.
Angel: You know, I just
was thinking that...
That's easier to read, isn't it?
That is easy. We've got so many
thermometers in this house.
- We do?
- Ha ha ha!
OK. Don't want to ask about this
since I'm not gonna
eat any of it,
so it's not that...
No. You're not going to
eat any of it.
What are you doing
in my kitchen anyway?
Is it OK, baby, if I just
use your kitchen for a minute
to make some candles?
Dick: Right. Of course you can.
Angel: Mmm. What flavor
do you fancy?
Oh, that's nice. Is that le--
it smells like lemongrass.
Dick: I shouldn't
really be in here
because I've got some
manly things to do.
Angel: I just have to say
that although
I have got some
essential oils,
this is is Dick's
essential oil box. Ha ha ha!
Yes, that's very true.
[Mumbling]
Angel: Ha ha ha!
Dick: What flavor
you gonna make?
Fancy something floral
or fruity?
You see, the other way
to go with it,
the manly odor.
- OK.
- I'm working in the garden,
so that's probably...
Go on. Go.
Darling, I don't mind. Whatever
you want to do is lovely.
Angel: Yeah. I'll have to
get cracking on this
because it's exactly
the right temperature now,
so, um, OK, come on.
I love you. Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Dick: She's in my kitchen.
Look what she's doing.
- Bye-darling.
- Have fun in the garden.
So I've got a few teacups,
and I've got
these sort of old French
jam jars and these tins.
They sort of seem like
a really good candle size.
Dick, voice-over: Angel then
pours the wax
into the cups and jars
and adds essential oil
into each.
Bottles can be picked up
for a couple of quid.
Angel: so this one's for Dick.
This one is lemongrass.
Right, and then I'm gonna
put this in now,
and then I need something
to kind of just, like, do...
Dick, voice-over: She's using
one of my pastry brushes
to hold the wick in place.
Angel's first candle
is ready to set.
Angel: that is Dick's
lemongrass candle.
So here goes my special teacup.
So I'm gonna have lavender
because...
* My favorite *
So I've got these wicks.
I bought, like, 100 for--
they're not a lot of money,
and once that's in,
gonna just trim it into place.
Super. OK.
They're gonna be lovely.
Oh, they smell amazing.
All right.
I'm gonna go and pick
the kids up,
and fingers crossed
they will be set when I'm back.
We'll see. I can't wait
to set them alight.
Dick, voice-over: Me, too.
This could save us some cash,
which is what Jonathan
and Michael are doing
in the chapel of their chateau.
3 months ago,
they found this ancient frieze
in one of their 21 caves.
Jonathan: Wow! Oh, my goodness.
Dick: They think it's
over 600 years old
and comes from the manor house
that stood
on the site of the chateau
in the 1500s.
Now volunteer Alan is
installing the support struts
for it in the chapel.
Jonathan would like it
to be ready and on show
in time for tomorrow's wedding.
The after-dinner disco
will take place in here.
This is just fantastic to me,
absolutely fantastic.
I'm really hopeful it will be
a talking point
for people when they
visit the chapel.
Dick: But Jonathan can't relax.
He needs to know
how the engineer's getting on
with the broken lift.
The engineer's picked up
a spare part,
but it's the wrong size.
Jonathan: He says it's
not the same piece,
but he says he's going to see
if it will work,
so we're still up
in the air with it.
Dick: The engineer fits
the part.
Then he goes up in the lift
and comes back down to test it.
Jonathan: If the lift opens
and the lift level
is the same as the floor level,
then the man has done it.
Merci. Merci bien.
- He's fixed it, um, so...
- Wow!
I know, I know.
Well, you're having
the same reaction I had.
Can you imagine what
it would have been like?
So I said we'd get him
a cold drink,
and have you got some ice
in there?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Just a really nice,
fresh, cold--
Michael: Yay! Lift fixed!
Lift fixed! Yay!
Hey. Lift fixed. Oh!
Dick: With the lift
back in action,
the chairs can be shifted...
Let's carry these
on downstairs.
Dick: and the wine moved
to the refrigerators...
but just as everything
seems to be under control
on the most stressful
weekend of the year,
Jonathan and Michael have
another problem.
Unbelievably, a water pipe
supplying the chateau
has just burst.
Jonathan: So first the lift,
and now the blooming water.
Who would want to own a chateau?
Ohh.
Dick: The whole chateau,
its 45 guests,
and an excited bride and groom
face a wedding day
without any running water.
Chateau Madame sits
in a dramatic location
on the edge of a steep hillside
with views
across a beautiful
Dordogne Valley.
It's co-owned
by lifelong friends
British-born Mandy
and American Steve.
Steve: Mandy and I know
each other better
than we know ourselves.
It's a very, very nice
situation to be in.
Due to coming here
and living in France
and doing the chateau,
we've become much closer.
Dick: Mandy and Steve are
renting this place out
for the first time
to holiday makers this season,
and they've spent
the last 3 months
battling to install
a new pool.
Steve: They're not going to be
going around
with a magnifying glass
seeing the quality
of the 17th century fabric
we found.
They want to come here,
and they want to relax,
and they want to lie
by a swimming pool,
and that's what I'm
thinking of now.
Dick: Today's the day
their first guests arrive.
The pool's been cleaned,
and stonemason Didier
is here to lay
the jigsaw puzzle of stones
called margelles
around the pool's edge.
Steve: As hoped, he's great.
He's doing a fantastic job.
He makes it all look so simple.
We're really cracking
along here.
I couldn't be more satisfied.
Oh, boy! It looks
just like a swimming pool.
Didier: It's very beautiful,
the color.
Steve: Exactement.
Tres bleu.
Didier: Tres bleu.
Steve: Oui.
Dick: Finally, everything seems
to be going along nicely
until...
[Thunder]
I don't know
if you can hear that,
but there's more thunder,
so I feel we're making
an effect
on a larger scale
than it seems.
Dick: Poor Steve.
If it rains,
work will have to stop,
as they can't risk getting
the fresh cement wet.
That is very threatening.
I mean, that's quite a sky.
Hopefully, we won't have
a tornado just to
really make it exciting.
[Thunder]
Dick: With a sky like that
approaching,
Steve's not taking any chances,
so with the help
of volunteer Zeke,
he's decided to lay
plastic sheets down
just in case.
Let it go in the water a bit
because that will hold it.
Dick: And sure enough,
within 15 minutes...
[Thunder, rain falling]
Steve: We've got plastic
ready to go on
on this edge right over there.
[Thunder]
Steve and Didier have
little choice
but to take cover
and ride out the downpour.
Oui. Exactement.
[Laughter]
Dick: But with the guests
due to arrive
in less than 5 hours,
they'd better keep everything
crossed it'll pass
so they can
get on with finishing the job.
[Thunder]
At Chateau de Jalesnes,
it's the day
before the big summer wedding.
The guests and the bride
and groom,
Americans David and Stephanie,
will start to arrive
any minute,
but owner Jonathan faces
a crisis.
He's been called to the gardens,
where a water pipe has burst.
He's hoping it's not
the main supply to the chateau.
I've got to be out
of the equation
for about an hour.
David and Stephanie are due
to arrive in half an hour,
and I need to go and get
cleared up.
Dick: Volunteer Alan is trying
to assess the damage.
If it is the mains water supply,
they may have to shut down
the pipe,
leaving the chateau
and all the guests
without any water.
I found the pipe
that's leaking.
It's got a split in it.
It looks like it is
the mains pipe.
It's one thing after another.
So we're here now
trying to sort out a leak.
Unfortunately, the depth
that it's at means
that it's the mains pipe.
It's not one of our small
irrigation pipes.
Everybody is going to start
to arrive
and gonna be wanting to
shower and things,
and it's August,
it's late in the day.
Can you imagine what that
would do
on the first night
of a wedding party?
Dick: This wedding is the first
big booking
from the American market.
It's a crucial part
of their business plan.
Jonathan and Michael
cannot afford any hiccups.
Alan: Gonna try and do
a temporary repair
without turning off.
Dick: Volunteer Alan hopes
he can maintain
a semblance
of water supply to the chateau
until a proper plumber
can be called out.
Alan: Just gonna try
a rubber glove
and some cable ties initially,
and then we'll put
some more stuff on it.
Dick: Before Jonathan
can call a plumber,
he gets pulled away
to greet the bride and groom.
- How are you?
- Hello.
David: That's your--
all right.
Stephanie: Oh, fantastic!
David: That's lovely.
So when does everyone
start arriving?
- Tomorrow.
- Tomorrow.
- Yeah. Tomorrow.
- Tomorrow.
Dick, voice-over: Jonathan is
doing his best to keep calm.
- Oh, thank you.
- All right.
Well, thank you so much.
Michael: Well, you know
the place now.
Jonathan: Cheers.
Stephanie: Cheers.
Michael: We can leave you
to your own devices.
- Exactly. Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Cheers. Yay!
- Cheers. Yay!
All right.
We'll get out of your hair,
and it's now your home
for the week.
David: Ah. That's fantastic.
Stephanie: OK.
Jonathan: We'll go get your
bags, you go up to your room.
David: All right.
Well, thank you.
See you, guys. Thank you.
- Oh, I love this stairwell.
- I know.
Dick, voice-over: Finally,
Jonathan can try the plumber.
Meanwhile, Alan's quick fix
has slowed the leak down.
Alan: We've reduced it enough
that I think we can
keep the chateau on till
anyone's had their showers.
Dick, voice-over: But it won't
last forever.
[Speaking French]
He's not answering his phone.
It's either because
he's on holiday
or legitimately he's
finished work for the day,
but normally when he sees
my number,
he'll pick it up.
Dick: I hope for your sake
someone can come out quickly
because I wouldn't rely
on that rubber glove
and cable tie holding
much longer.
Roughly 90 miles north
of Jonathan and Michael's,
Angel's candles have had
time to set.
Angel: I bought this cup
honestly 20 years ago in a set,
and I love it,
but it cracked.
Just, you know, wear and tear.
I didn't want to chuck it away.
I was so attached to it.
Need to give it
a couple of seconds more.
I hope Dick notices.
Hiya. Smells good. Well done.
Very nice.
What's the scent?
- Lemongrass.
- Very good.
You gonna mass produce
these then?
Yeah.
Dick, voice-over:
She thinks I'm joking,
but this could save us
some valuable pennies
for future events
we put on here,
and when your business
is struggling,
like Jonathan and Michael's,
every little helps.
It's 10 A.M. the next day,
the morning of the wedding,
and they're about to fork out
£423 to a couple of plumbers,
who've had to come out
during French holidays
to make sure there's water
for the chateau's 45 guests.
At least they found some.
Jonathan: Plumbers are here.
It's looking good
because they
are 9 minutes early,
so that's good
by French standards.
Whoo, Lulu!
Dick: But while they fix it,
they have to turn the water
supply to the chateau off.
Jonathan: Obviously, everybody's
gonna be wanting
to get ready for the wedding,
and there's no water.
Everybody will be
wanting breakfast,
there's no water,
lunch--there's no water,
so it's critical we get
this done, like, now.
Dick: It doesn't help
that Jonathan gave
the plumbers
the wrong pipe size.
Well, I've been
a bit of a chump.
I said it was about
25 millimeters,
which is about that, I think,
which is what that looks like,
but actually, it's nearer 40.
Anyway, laughing apart,
I've just now cost us
probably 20 minutes because
they've got to now go
into town
to the plumbing trade supply
and pick up
the correct piece of pipe.
Dick: Over
in the chateau forest,
Michael is checking up
on the new, quickly arranged
wedding location down
by a hunting tower.
Michael: Yeah.
So it's looking good.
I like the candelabras.
They're cool.
Dick: And it looks like he's
learned a lesson
on saving money from Angel.
Instead of spending hundreds
on flowers,
he's using ivy
from the forest floor.
Michael: One of the first
things we did when we got
to Dick and Angel's chateau
was to try and convince
Jonathan--or Angel was
trying to convince Jonathan
that we could use things like
the ivy to decorate
for weddings, and look,
here we are, ivy galore.
Ha ha ha!
Dick: Last-minute changes are
a wedding planner's nightmare.
After carting 50 chairs
into the forest,
wedding planner Janet
now has to check
that the horse and carriage
that will carry the bride
can actually get to the tower.
Janet: I'm not sure whether
we might need a cushion
in the carriage for tonight
because it's a bit bumpy,
but we'll--and we might have
to cut a few branches down.
When I left here yesterday,
the plan was
that we're having
the wedding here.
That was OK,
but the horse and carriage
was going to come up
this alley to my right here,
which is quite wide,
and take a sweep round,
and go out
on the next alleyway
that way.
The bride's now changed
her mind because
when the chairs are in place
it doesn't work,
so now we're hoping that
the horse and carriage
can come down this alley here,
which was going
to be the carpark,
and go out of the alley
that he was supposed to be
coming in on.
Now if we do it that way,
we've got find somewhere
to park all the cars
because we don't want them
down there because they'll
be in the photographs,
so that's my next challenge
is to find a carpark
in the middle of a forest.
Dick: Meanwhile, the chateau's
still without water,
but at least the plumber's
back from the shop.
It's not been the best start
to the day,
but think what the bride
must be feeling.
Jonathan: We're getting some
dirty looks
as we walk around.
We've already had
the bride out to say,
you now, "How long is it
really going to be?
Don't just keep saying,
'5 minutes, 5 minutes,"
so they're obviously
getting a bit hett up,
which is not what we wanted.
Dick:
Michael and Jonathan's future
as luxury chateau wedding hosts
rests on how well today goes,
and so far,
some of the guests
aren't entirely happy.
Jonathan: Some people have
gone off without showering,
so they're not gonna be
best pleased.
Hey-ho.
[Thunder, rain falling]
Dick: Back at Chateau Madame,
it's been raining
for more than hour,
stopping Steve
and his stonemason Didier
from finishing the pool,
but with the first guests
due to arrive in a few hours,
Steve's decided not to waste
a single second,
so he gets on
with seeding the lawn.
Steve: The sky says it's time
to plant grass.
Dick: Obviously, the lawn
won't be ready
for Chateau Madame's first ever
paying guests.
They'll just be happy
to get a pool.
After two hours,
the sky begins to clear.
The Dordogne sun comes out,
and Mandy arrives
for the final push
before the guests arrive.
Mandy: I see that he house
is being cleaned,
and, well, it's looking
pretty amazing.
Dick: As is the pool,
which is finally finished.
Mandy: Wow. Look at that.
Brilliant.
Steve: This is fantastic.
- Really. Merci.
- No, no, no.
[Speaking French]
Dick: When the grass grows
over the next few months,
it'll look even better.
The storm cost them
precious time,
and now the heat is on
to get Chateau Madame
ready for its guests.
It's, uh, 6:30,
and I think they're
supposed to be here
between 7:00 and 8:00.
Dick: You'd better pull
your finger out, Steve.
Just over 200 miles north
at Chateau de Jalesnes
in the Loire Valley,
Michael and Jonathan
are coming to the end
of a stressful couple of days.
Jonathan: Mmm.
Broken lift, a missing Jesus,
a last-minute change
of location for the wedding
have all been sorted,
and now thanks
to two French plumbers,
the burst water mains
has been fixed, as well.
That's job well done. Phew.
It's a relief.
Dick: 45 guests have
now arrived,
and the wedding begins
in half an hour.
Janet: Can I give you these,
please,
if you wouldn't mind just
lighting the candles for me.
I'll give you a spare in case
one of them doesn't work.
- OK. Off we go.
- I'll see you later.
- See you up there.
- Bye-bye. Thank you.
Ha ha ha!
Dick: To make the most
of the French
late summer sun,
it'll be an evening wedding.
Jonathan and Michael want to
make sure everything
from now on goes
without a hitch.
- How are we doing for time?
- Well, it's just
coming up to 8:00.
- Really?
- The guests will be arriving
there about 8:00,
but the bride isn't gonna
be there until about half 8:00.,
so we just need to light
about 30 candles
and then scoot out of the way.
Angel will be proud.
Look at all these--
ivy tumbling all over the place.
Jonathan: Well, it's
the in thing at the moment
to make it look
all decayed grandeur.
Dick: See? Everyone loves
a candle or two at a wedding.
Jonathan: That's to keep
the mozzies at bay,
but I fear that that's not
gonna be enough for 45 people.
Dick: The special moment
is almost here.
The guests are arriving.
Have Michael and Jonathan got
everything ready in time?
At Chateau Madame,
Mandy and Steve's
first ever paying guests
are due to arrive any minute.
Looks nice now--now
that all the cement's covered.
Steve: Guys, help.
If it rains, then the roof
hasn't got a gutter,
so all the water will run,
chuck straight down
into my little garden here.
You guys should get
everything you have
and give it out of the house
and put it in Mandy's ASAP.
Don't worry about how
it goes.
You just have to get it
out of there.
We've got minutes.
The pool area looks fantastic.
Bravo. He did it.
Dick: Outside may be tidy,
but inside's another story.
Steve: they're supposed to be
here starting right now,
and I haven't even gotten
my stuff out of the room.
- Do you need help?
- Yes. Desperately.
Dick: As Steve disappears
inside to collect his things...
Mandy: Bonjour.
Dick: The guests arrive.
Steve: We're so glad
you're here.
Man: So are we.
Steve: It's nice and cool
in here.
Man: Wow!
Dick: Fortunately, they seem
as enchanted
by this lovely, old chateau
as Steve and Mandy are
despite the fact that Steve's
still not quite finished.
Steve: My clothes are still up
on the top floor,
so if you'd be
a little patient with me.
[Laughter]
Mandy: They are in love with it.
Thoroughly happy.
The little boy is
thrilled to pieces.
He wants to go with, you know,
knights and castles
and God knows what else,
so for him, it's magic.
Dick: But how does Steve feel?
And, uh, when you back away
from the great clouds
of stone dust,
it's pretty nice.
The pool is finished,
the margelles are on.
All the problems
are taken care of and solved
and are in the process
of being forgotten.
Have to say I'm a little tired,
but the bottom line is
it's a complete success.
Dick: Well done, Steve.
Well done, Mandy.
After the troubles you
went through with that pool,
you deserve a rest.
Back at Chateau de Jalesnes,
the guests are arriving,
and the initial reaction
is a good one.
- Can't even say that word.
- Oh, my God. This is gorgeous.
Oh, it's so pretty. Ohh.
Man: See? Isn't this
a good venue?
Michael: Looks beautiful,
doesn't it?
Jonathan: Yeah.
Really, really lovely.
After all the traumas
and tribulations of this week
of getting the last-minute
things happening,
it's all come together,
it's looking pretty good.
Jonathan: It looks
really beautiful.
It just makes everything else
pale into insignificance,
all that hard work,
all that drama,
all that running around
like headless chickens,
and it just looks beautiful.
- Should we leave them to it?
- Yeah.
Looks like it's all in order.
- Job well done.
- Heh heh heh.
Come on.
Ahh. Massive relief.
Dick: Back at the chateau,
the bride is on her way,
and she doesn't even have to
watch her step.
Woman: Stephanie and David,
you're now together
in the bonds of matrimony.
I pronounce you
husband and wife,
and may I be the first
to congratulate you both.
David: Aw. Thank you.
[Cheering and applause]
[Sharp whistles]
Dick: As the sun sets
at Chateau de Jalesnes
and the wedding party's
about to go into full swing,
3 floors up
on the chateau terrace,
Michael and Jonathan find
a moment to relax,
but it's decision time.
After all the work
of the fiery investors' week,
are they going to stay on here?
Michael: We won't be going
through 3 or 4 weddings
in a summer.
We'll be going
through 18, 19 weddings
and bringing that
to loads of people
rather than just one or two,
so this is gonna be
a successful business
that's gonna bring joy
and happiness
to all the people who come
and have their wedding,
their birthday,
their anniversary
at Chateau de Jalesnes.
Dick: Fighting words,
and there's more
than just themselves
to consider.
If you think about
how much money
this is bringing
to the economy here
with all these guests
staying for a week.
They're hiring kayaks,
they're hiring cars,
they're doing their shopping
in the local shops,
the local boulangerie,
and this is the sort of thing
that invigorates
a village community.
This is not shut off
from the world.
It's not a stuffy museum.
It's a living, vibrant space,
and we're so proud,
so proud that
with our partners
and with all the investors
that we've been able to bring
this chateau to life,
and it's great,
and the more things
like this that we can have here,
the more life we can breathe
back into the old girl.
Onwards and upwards.
What do you say?
- Forward with a song.
- Ha ha ha!
Dick: Fantastic news.
I don't doubt yours
and Chateau de Jalesnes' future
is going to be a rosy one.
I'm hungry. Let's go
and have some food.
Come on, Lulu.
Off you go. Bang on.
Dick: Next time...
we meet a whole new raft
of Brits
with a whole new set
of chateau problems.
When two new parents face
a mammoth task
trying to get their chateau
ready for a holiday season...
I don't know if we can
get everything done in time.
Dick: they call in support.
I was up at 4:00 in morning.
I didn't think I was gonna be
moving and painting
stuff all day.
Dick: or at least they
thought they had.
We don't actually know
if he's ever really done
a fully day's work
in his life before.
Dick: One chateau couple gambles
everything
on a new menu
for their guests...
Woman: It's not going
fantastically well.
Dick: Things start
to get heated.
Woman: Wow! It's really hot.
Dick: And when I get a call
to help one woman
search for some buried
chateau booty...
Woman: Dick, come and find
the treasure for me.
Dick, voice-over: We find
ourselves a bit tangled up.
You want to go further in?
This way. I'm in the trees!
Ha ha!
Hold on.
Dick Strawbridge,
my wife Angel,
and our two children
in our glorious French chateau.
We haven't ever regretted
what we've done.
It is so worth it.
We moved here 3 years ago
to follow our dream
of living life
in our very own castle.
Angel: ha ha ha!
Oh, my God!
Dick, voice-over:
but it's not been easy...
I think I'm a bit
too old for this.
Dick, voice-over: as dozens
of other Brits know
only too well...
Oops. Floor needs replacing,
as well.
Ha ha ha!
Dick, voice-over: because it
turns out we're not
the only ex-pats who have
bought a French chateau.
Wow! Absolutely love it.
Jonathan: 25-year-old Bordeaux.
Motherlode!
Dick, voice-over: In this
series, we'll reveal
how we're running
our chateau as a business...
There's not a thing about
making sausage
that I don't find humorous.
Angel: I'm still finding
things that I haven't seen.
Dick, voice-over: and see how
these daring Brits
are running theirs...
- Lovely to meet you.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
This place is done up.
Dick, voice-over: as they face
the ups...
It's really beautiful.
This is a rare moment,
but I am genuinely at peace.
Dick, voice-over: and downs...
Philip: Um, it's a lot worse
than it looks.
Dick, voice-over:
of their new lives
in these crumbling
and magnificent buildings.
Man: It is a bit of a fantasy
living in French chateau.
We might have a few problems
on the way,
but that's part of life,
isn't it?
- Ha ha ha!
- Yeah.
Dick, voice-over: Today,
Angel gets crafty.
What are you doing
in my kitchen anyway?
Is it OK, baby, if I just
use your kitchen for a minute
to make some candles?
Dick, voice-over:
And wedding cakes.
Dick: What's down here?
Angel: Ta-da!
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Dick, voice-over: One couple
risk their future in France
on how a big event goes
at their chateau, but...
Jonathan: The lift has
jammed itself
on the ground floor.
Dick, voice-over: there's
one problem...
Jonathan: They don't think
they've got
any more parts like it
because it's so old.
Dick, voice-over:
after another...
I found the pipe
that's leaking.
It's got a split in it.
It looks like it is
the mains pipe.
Dick, voice-over:
and one chateau struggles
to be ready in time for its
first ever paying guests.
Steve:
This is full of sand.
[Thunder]
That is very threatening.
Dick: The beautiful
Chateau de Jalesnes sits
in the Loire Valley
and is the home and business
of couple Michael and Jonathan.
Michael: We love
the French lifestyle,
we love the French language,
love the French people.
Owning the chateau
is a brilliant experience.
Dick: They run it as a location
for holidays and weddings,
but now they're about to make
a decision
on whether or not
they should continue.
Today, they're prepping
for a wedding.
Jonathan: We've got
everything at stake.
There's no more money.
I don't think you can put
any more into it now.
I couldn't put any more hours
into this,
I couldn't put
any more money into it.
We haven't got any more money,
and I haven't got
any more time in the day,
so there's nothing more
we can put into it.
Dick: 45 guests
are due tomorrow,
and they'll be staying
for a week.
It's going to make them
£30,000 if it all goes well.
Jonathan: I need
the [indistinct] card, please,
to get some iron bar,
and have you got
any cash, as well, please?
Dick: Stress levels are high,
and the news that
the bride wants the wedding
to be held
in the chateau's forest
brings up new problems.
Michael: The wedding's
in the forest
by Jalesnes Tower.
It's changed,
so it's out there now.
Well, so what are they doing
with chairs then?
They're gonna carry
the chairs out there,
or they gonna stand
for the ceremony.
I didn't ask the detail.
Dick: And if that wasn't
enough to deal with,
there's a problem
with the chateau's lift.
Jonathan: The lift has
jammed itself
on the ground floor.
Fortunately, nobody inside it.
Door's jammed open,
and we're about
a foot, 30 centimeters or so,
off the level of the floor,
so we can't use it.
I've put in a call
to the engineer.
My worry is the bride
is going to have to come down
from the very top floor
in her wedding dress
and her wedding shoes
down an emergency staircase.
Just don't need things
like this to go wrong.
It only went on. Wait.
Dick: It will take
the engineer two hours
to drive to the chateau.
It gives Jonathan time
to deal
with another ongoing problem.
The shrine in the chateau's
grounds is still missing
a Jesus figurine
from its cross,
and now the bride wants
her wedding outside,
it needs to be replaced.
Luckily, an antique shop owner
has just been in touch
about a miniature Jesus
that's just come in.
Jonathan: So fingers crossed--
ha--Jesus, here we come.
Wow.
Merci bien.
I don't want it pristine
as the cross itself
isn't pristine,
but look at--
my goodness gracious.
I couldn't have wished
for better.
Dick: The price is OK,
but the only question
for Jonathan is the size.
I've forgotten
me blooming tape measure
after all that,
but I know
that the distance
between the nails on the cross
is the span of my hand.
Look. You couldn't get
better match than that,
so fingers crossed,
but it's in good nick,
so I'm very excited.
My goodness!
Day's turning out good.
Now all I need is the lift
to be fixed.
Un, deux, trois.
- C'est parfait.
- Merci bien.
- A bientót.
- A la prochaine.
- Au revoir.
- Au revoir.
Dick: Back at the chateau
and with the lift engineer
due to arrive at any moment,
Jonathan delegates
the Jesus repair
to one
of the volunteer workers Alan.
Jonathan: Moment of truth, Alan.
Alan: You did get
something then?
- I did, I did.
- Right.
Well, let's offer it up
and see what we've got.
Actually, this is too big.
Alan: No, no. Leave this
with me,
and I'll get him
attached to the cross
in a suitable manner.
This works for me.
Cheerio then.
- See you in a minute.
- Right.
Dick: The lift engineer
arrives on time,
but there's just half a day
remaining to fix
the fault in time
for the wedding.
Angela and I know
all too well
the challenges and costs
involved in putting on
weddings at a chateau.
One service we offer
the bride and groom
is to provide icing-free
wedding cakes.
A naked wedding cake.
It's the fashion in the UK.
We're kind of celebrating
Victoria sponges.
So last night,
I baked these cakes,
and if you bought a cake
like this,
you're talking 300, 400 quid.
Dick: The ingredients
for Angela's wedding cake
probably cost around £50.
Angel: I'm starting off
with my first layer,
and then I'm gonna put
butter cream, jam, second layer.
I'm using this little spatula
because I can't find
any other spatulas.
Remember, I'm in Dick's kitchen.
Dick: My kitchen. Remember that.
So he's probably filed them
somewhere else, which is fine.
I just don't know about it.
OK. So second layer.
Strawberry jam.
Dick: Now for the tricky part.
I always dread this bit. OK.
* Da da da *
Ha ha ha! OK. Here we go.
Right. Lovely.
Dick: Time for a little
structural engineering.
Angel: Now what's gonna
happen is as I put
the next layer on, it's gonna be
really, really heavy.
You can use jumbo straws
or dowels to take the pressure.
I mean it's everybody's
worst nightmare, isn't it,
that the wedding cake
starts falling down. Ha ha ha!
Right. I'm gonna need
a little board
because I can't just have
the dowels.
OK. So my final tier. OK.
This is where we decorate it
with flowers and berries
and all nice things
to make it
really, really,
really appetizing.
Just using little toothpicks
to just keep
the berries in position.
I'm just slowly
building this up.
Just a real celebration
of nature.
You know, it's berries
from the garden.
It's flowers from the garden.
It's all
about engineering.
I'm gonna finish this off
with a little bit
of caster sugar.
Ta-da! Ha ha ha!
I'd be happy with that
on my wedding.
Dick, voice-over: It doesn't
take long for the smell
of Angela's baking
to reach me and the kids.
Dick: Oh. What's down here?
Angel: Ta-da!
Arthur: It looks yummy!
Angel: Ha ha!
It looks like
a wedding cake!
Dick, voice-over: Little Arthur
and Dorothy love Mum's cake.
I think we'll let them
have some of this,
and we'll just have to
make another.
Arthur, do you think you could
eat all of this?
Dick: Ha ha ha!
There you go, baby.
- Ohh!
- My son's happy.
Dorothy: Is it a bad cake?
Dick: Mmm, mmm, mmm. A bite?
Wow. Very good.
Angel: Love you.
Thank you, darling.
Dick: It's the best cake.
Mmm, mmm.
And it's the best
finger dipper!
Angel: Ha ha ha!
Dick: At Chateau de Jalesnes
in the Loire Valley,
45 guests for the big wedding
arrive from America
in the morning.
The engineer has just
a few hours left
to fix the lift.
Jonathan: The lift has
jammed itself,
so we can't use it.
Let's hope it's not
too bad.
Dick: After about an hour,
Jonathan is anxious
for a progress report.
[Speaking French]
Oh, my God.
What this is is
a spring that works
the whole of the descent
of the lift,
and it's completely broken,
and he says
he doesn't think that
the part exists anymore.
Dick: Perched
on a steep hillside
overlooking the beautiful
Dordogne Valley
is the 17th century
Chateau Madame.
Originally built
as a defensive fort,
it's now owned
by business partners
and lifelong friends
Mandy and Steve,
whose dream is to run it
as a holiday gite.
Mandy: I think the nicest
thing I like
are the little towers.
For me, they create
the character of Chateau Madame
from the outside.
It really makes it
very distinctive
and very pretty actually.
It's just wonderful.
Dick: the chateau sits
in the heart of the Dordogne
about 100 miles east
of Bordeaux.
It's one of the most popular
regions of France for tourism,
and tomorrow,
Steve and Mandy are due
to receive their
first ever guests.
Right now, the pressure
is very, very heavy duty.
Dick: And they've been promised
a swimming pool...
Pick it up.
Dick: but it's been best
with problems--
rotten concrete,
a fallen wall,
complicated stonework,
and a leak.
Steve: There's been so many
things that have happened
that have held things up.
I tried so hard to just
think positive,
but thinking positive
doesn't fix things
that are a disaster.
Dick: At least
the pool's filled,
but he now only has a day
to finish the patio.
Steve: I'm pushing down
the corners to make a radius,
which makes them look
the right age,
but it also makes it
less apparent
when they're not
perfectly flat.
Dick: The roughened texture
also gives the patio
an anti-slip surface.
Steve: The fear is that you get
to the last possible thing
and you give it a tink
and the whole thing
splits right in half,
which happens sometimes.
Dick: Deep down, Steve
relishes the challenge
of getting this place
looking just right.
It might seem strange the idea
of getting everything
absolutely perfect
and tuning it like a violin,
but the fact is, um,
getting things right
is an enormous pleasure,
and that's really
where I get my enjoyment
out of doing things.
Dick: It's the final slab
of the patio.
I hope for Steve's sanity
it fits.
Steve: There. That works, fits.
Dick: Now he just needs to take
an inch or two off the edge.
I wonder where all that sand
and dust is going to end up.
Steve:
This is full of sand. OK.
That's, like,
disastrous actually.
Dick: All the debris
has ended up in the water.
Steve: So that sand
needed to be reduced,
and that has to be sponged out.
Steve needs to get a move on.
The margelles need cementing,
and now the pool
needs cleaning,
and the first ever guests
of this place
arrive tomorrow afternoon.
This has been the most
frustrating--
without any question,
the most frustrating thing.
Don't do it. Swimming pools
are nice to swim in,
but building them
very difficult.
Dick: After struggling
to make a profit
at Chateau de Jalesnes,
Jonathan and Michael
have decided their
biggest event of the year,
a wedding, is going to be
make or break for them.
If it works out well,
they'll stay.
If it goes badly,
they'll throw in the towel.
Jonathan: The general look
of the chateau,
it could never be more important
than the next couple of days.
Couple of days.
Hell, the wedding's tomorrow.
I haven't got a couple of days.
Dick: The 45 wedding guests
from America
will be staying
for a whole week.
Jonathan: If we don't go down
well in the States,
we are going to be in trouble.
This is the first,
and it can't be the last.
We can't afford
for that to happen.
Dick: But a broken lift
means the bride will have to
use the stairs
from her third floor suite
if it isn't fixed today.
Jonathan: So we're
touch and go now.
Just what a day, what a day
for it all to happen.
Dick: It's August,
and the lift engineer needs
to find a replacement part.
This is a time when most
of France
is closed for holidays.
Jonathan: Whether the lift
works or not rides
on this phone call.
- Hello.
- I can get the lift?
- No.
- Oh.
It's a part
about that big,
a little spring that's
just snapped in half
through just age, 20 years,
and they don't think
they've got any more parts
like it because it's so old.
He's ringing Angers to see
if his boss has got one,
and if he has,
they'll come out from Angers,
he'll drive towards Angers,
meet in the middle,
do the swap,
and come and do it.
Michael: Is it a part they
can order, though?
Well, don't know.
Should be able to make it
or do something with it.
Can't just condemn a whole lift
because of one small part.
Jonathan: What are we gonna do
about all he stuff
that's got to go up and down?
Just do it by hand.
[Jonathan sighs]
[Engineer speaking French]
Fantastic! He says he'll
be back here
in about half an hour.
Dick: While the engineer goes
to pick up the spare part,
Jonathan wants to see
how chateau volunteer Alan
is getting on
with an essential repair job.
Ready for the cross.
Dick: He was tasked
with putting Jesus
back on his cross.
Alan: Moment of truth.
How does that look?
Jonathan: Wow, wow!
Fantastic!
Now that is
finished off properly.
Doesn't that look spectacular?
That makes all the difference.
Having found that, he looks
absolutely right on there.
He's absolutely
the right color,
absolutely the right size.
I couldn't be happier.
- Good. Thank you, Alan.
- Pleasure.
Jonathan: Right.
Come on then, Lulu. This way.
[Whistles]
Dick: Michael and his team
of volunteers
are getting things ready
for tomorrow's wedding.
Michael: Do find that
when people are having
their disco in here
they do tend to break glass.
Heh heh.
Dick: The wedding planner
Janet is having to adapt
to a last-minute idea
from the bride.
Janet: The wedding was supposed
to be taking place
in one place outside.
Now they're going to get married
in the forest
by a little tower, so that's
a surprise for everyone,
which is a good
10-minutes' walk
if you're carrying chairs about.
Dick: The broken lift is also
adding pressure
to Janet's plans.
156 bottles of wine
are stuck on the top floor
of the chateau.
We're hoping that we can
get it to work.
If not, we will probably be
20 or 30 people
lined up down the stairs,
passing boxes of wine
to each other
so we can get it out
into the fridge this afternoon.
Dick: The list of lift jobs
is growing
from moving wine
to putting piles
of excess chairs
into storage.
45 minutes later,
the lift engineer returns,
and Jonathan's earlier optimism
takes a plunge.
Jonathan: He says
it's not the same piece,
but he says he's going to see
if it will work,
so we're still up
in the air with it.
Dick: I hope it works out,
Jonathan,
because if not,
you're going to have
a lot of annoyed wedding guests
on your hands,
and that's not going to be
good for business.
At Chateau de la Motte-Husson,
Angel and I
are always trying out new things
that could potentially
help our business.
Everywhere I look,
she seems to be burning
scented candles.
I'm spending far too much
money on candles.
If I'm really pushing
a boat out,
I'll spend 40 quid on a candle.
I know it's absolutely
daylight robbery, isn't it?
I'm giving this a go
because it's
really, really simple to make,
so I've bought this soya wax,
and I'm gonna melt it down.
Dick: Angel picked up
a kilogram bag of this stuff
for just a tenner.
I'm gonna do it
like I would heat chocolate.
Dick: She melts it
on a low heat.
So it doesn't burn it.
Dick: And 5 minutes later...
Angel: All right.
We're nearly there.
This is good.
Might have to call my husband
because I'm using
his meat thermometer.
Baby, come here.
Sorry. I didn't know--
am I allowed to use this?
Oh, it's not--
is this the sweets thermometer?
- Yeah.
- Ah.
- Say 50 on it?
- Huh?
Yes. It's perfect. 50.
Angel: You know, I just
was thinking that...
That's easier to read, isn't it?
That is easy. We've got so many
thermometers in this house.
- We do?
- Ha ha ha!
OK. Don't want to ask about this
since I'm not gonna
eat any of it,
so it's not that...
No. You're not going to
eat any of it.
What are you doing
in my kitchen anyway?
Is it OK, baby, if I just
use your kitchen for a minute
to make some candles?
Dick: Right. Of course you can.
Angel: Mmm. What flavor
do you fancy?
Oh, that's nice. Is that le--
it smells like lemongrass.
Dick: I shouldn't
really be in here
because I've got some
manly things to do.
Angel: I just have to say
that although
I have got some
essential oils,
this is is Dick's
essential oil box. Ha ha ha!
Yes, that's very true.
[Mumbling]
Angel: Ha ha ha!
Dick: What flavor
you gonna make?
Fancy something floral
or fruity?
You see, the other way
to go with it,
the manly odor.
- OK.
- I'm working in the garden,
so that's probably...
Go on. Go.
Darling, I don't mind. Whatever
you want to do is lovely.
Angel: Yeah. I'll have to
get cracking on this
because it's exactly
the right temperature now,
so, um, OK, come on.
I love you. Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Dick: She's in my kitchen.
Look what she's doing.
- Bye-darling.
- Have fun in the garden.
So I've got a few teacups,
and I've got
these sort of old French
jam jars and these tins.
They sort of seem like
a really good candle size.
Dick, voice-over: Angel then
pours the wax
into the cups and jars
and adds essential oil
into each.
Bottles can be picked up
for a couple of quid.
Angel: so this one's for Dick.
This one is lemongrass.
Right, and then I'm gonna
put this in now,
and then I need something
to kind of just, like, do...
Dick, voice-over: She's using
one of my pastry brushes
to hold the wick in place.
Angel's first candle
is ready to set.
Angel: that is Dick's
lemongrass candle.
So here goes my special teacup.
So I'm gonna have lavender
because...
* My favorite *
So I've got these wicks.
I bought, like, 100 for--
they're not a lot of money,
and once that's in,
gonna just trim it into place.
Super. OK.
They're gonna be lovely.
Oh, they smell amazing.
All right.
I'm gonna go and pick
the kids up,
and fingers crossed
they will be set when I'm back.
We'll see. I can't wait
to set them alight.
Dick, voice-over: Me, too.
This could save us some cash,
which is what Jonathan
and Michael are doing
in the chapel of their chateau.
3 months ago,
they found this ancient frieze
in one of their 21 caves.
Jonathan: Wow! Oh, my goodness.
Dick: They think it's
over 600 years old
and comes from the manor house
that stood
on the site of the chateau
in the 1500s.
Now volunteer Alan is
installing the support struts
for it in the chapel.
Jonathan would like it
to be ready and on show
in time for tomorrow's wedding.
The after-dinner disco
will take place in here.
This is just fantastic to me,
absolutely fantastic.
I'm really hopeful it will be
a talking point
for people when they
visit the chapel.
Dick: But Jonathan can't relax.
He needs to know
how the engineer's getting on
with the broken lift.
The engineer's picked up
a spare part,
but it's the wrong size.
Jonathan: He says it's
not the same piece,
but he says he's going to see
if it will work,
so we're still up
in the air with it.
Dick: The engineer fits
the part.
Then he goes up in the lift
and comes back down to test it.
Jonathan: If the lift opens
and the lift level
is the same as the floor level,
then the man has done it.
Merci. Merci bien.
- He's fixed it, um, so...
- Wow!
I know, I know.
Well, you're having
the same reaction I had.
Can you imagine what
it would have been like?
So I said we'd get him
a cold drink,
and have you got some ice
in there?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Just a really nice,
fresh, cold--
Michael: Yay! Lift fixed!
Lift fixed! Yay!
Hey. Lift fixed. Oh!
Dick: With the lift
back in action,
the chairs can be shifted...
Let's carry these
on downstairs.
Dick: and the wine moved
to the refrigerators...
but just as everything
seems to be under control
on the most stressful
weekend of the year,
Jonathan and Michael have
another problem.
Unbelievably, a water pipe
supplying the chateau
has just burst.
Jonathan: So first the lift,
and now the blooming water.
Who would want to own a chateau?
Ohh.
Dick: The whole chateau,
its 45 guests,
and an excited bride and groom
face a wedding day
without any running water.
Chateau Madame sits
in a dramatic location
on the edge of a steep hillside
with views
across a beautiful
Dordogne Valley.
It's co-owned
by lifelong friends
British-born Mandy
and American Steve.
Steve: Mandy and I know
each other better
than we know ourselves.
It's a very, very nice
situation to be in.
Due to coming here
and living in France
and doing the chateau,
we've become much closer.
Dick: Mandy and Steve are
renting this place out
for the first time
to holiday makers this season,
and they've spent
the last 3 months
battling to install
a new pool.
Steve: They're not going to be
going around
with a magnifying glass
seeing the quality
of the 17th century fabric
we found.
They want to come here,
and they want to relax,
and they want to lie
by a swimming pool,
and that's what I'm
thinking of now.
Dick: Today's the day
their first guests arrive.
The pool's been cleaned,
and stonemason Didier
is here to lay
the jigsaw puzzle of stones
called margelles
around the pool's edge.
Steve: As hoped, he's great.
He's doing a fantastic job.
He makes it all look so simple.
We're really cracking
along here.
I couldn't be more satisfied.
Oh, boy! It looks
just like a swimming pool.
Didier: It's very beautiful,
the color.
Steve: Exactement.
Tres bleu.
Didier: Tres bleu.
Steve: Oui.
Dick: Finally, everything seems
to be going along nicely
until...
[Thunder]
I don't know
if you can hear that,
but there's more thunder,
so I feel we're making
an effect
on a larger scale
than it seems.
Dick: Poor Steve.
If it rains,
work will have to stop,
as they can't risk getting
the fresh cement wet.
That is very threatening.
I mean, that's quite a sky.
Hopefully, we won't have
a tornado just to
really make it exciting.
[Thunder]
Dick: With a sky like that
approaching,
Steve's not taking any chances,
so with the help
of volunteer Zeke,
he's decided to lay
plastic sheets down
just in case.
Let it go in the water a bit
because that will hold it.
Dick: And sure enough,
within 15 minutes...
[Thunder, rain falling]
Steve: We've got plastic
ready to go on
on this edge right over there.
[Thunder]
Steve and Didier have
little choice
but to take cover
and ride out the downpour.
Oui. Exactement.
[Laughter]
Dick: But with the guests
due to arrive
in less than 5 hours,
they'd better keep everything
crossed it'll pass
so they can
get on with finishing the job.
[Thunder]
At Chateau de Jalesnes,
it's the day
before the big summer wedding.
The guests and the bride
and groom,
Americans David and Stephanie,
will start to arrive
any minute,
but owner Jonathan faces
a crisis.
He's been called to the gardens,
where a water pipe has burst.
He's hoping it's not
the main supply to the chateau.
I've got to be out
of the equation
for about an hour.
David and Stephanie are due
to arrive in half an hour,
and I need to go and get
cleared up.
Dick: Volunteer Alan is trying
to assess the damage.
If it is the mains water supply,
they may have to shut down
the pipe,
leaving the chateau
and all the guests
without any water.
I found the pipe
that's leaking.
It's got a split in it.
It looks like it is
the mains pipe.
It's one thing after another.
So we're here now
trying to sort out a leak.
Unfortunately, the depth
that it's at means
that it's the mains pipe.
It's not one of our small
irrigation pipes.
Everybody is going to start
to arrive
and gonna be wanting to
shower and things,
and it's August,
it's late in the day.
Can you imagine what that
would do
on the first night
of a wedding party?
Dick: This wedding is the first
big booking
from the American market.
It's a crucial part
of their business plan.
Jonathan and Michael
cannot afford any hiccups.
Alan: Gonna try and do
a temporary repair
without turning off.
Dick: Volunteer Alan hopes
he can maintain
a semblance
of water supply to the chateau
until a proper plumber
can be called out.
Alan: Just gonna try
a rubber glove
and some cable ties initially,
and then we'll put
some more stuff on it.
Dick: Before Jonathan
can call a plumber,
he gets pulled away
to greet the bride and groom.
- How are you?
- Hello.
David: That's your--
all right.
Stephanie: Oh, fantastic!
David: That's lovely.
So when does everyone
start arriving?
- Tomorrow.
- Tomorrow.
- Yeah. Tomorrow.
- Tomorrow.
Dick, voice-over: Jonathan is
doing his best to keep calm.
- Oh, thank you.
- All right.
Well, thank you so much.
Michael: Well, you know
the place now.
Jonathan: Cheers.
Stephanie: Cheers.
Michael: We can leave you
to your own devices.
- Exactly. Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Cheers. Yay!
- Cheers. Yay!
All right.
We'll get out of your hair,
and it's now your home
for the week.
David: Ah. That's fantastic.
Stephanie: OK.
Jonathan: We'll go get your
bags, you go up to your room.
David: All right.
Well, thank you.
See you, guys. Thank you.
- Oh, I love this stairwell.
- I know.
Dick, voice-over: Finally,
Jonathan can try the plumber.
Meanwhile, Alan's quick fix
has slowed the leak down.
Alan: We've reduced it enough
that I think we can
keep the chateau on till
anyone's had their showers.
Dick, voice-over: But it won't
last forever.
[Speaking French]
He's not answering his phone.
It's either because
he's on holiday
or legitimately he's
finished work for the day,
but normally when he sees
my number,
he'll pick it up.
Dick: I hope for your sake
someone can come out quickly
because I wouldn't rely
on that rubber glove
and cable tie holding
much longer.
Roughly 90 miles north
of Jonathan and Michael's,
Angel's candles have had
time to set.
Angel: I bought this cup
honestly 20 years ago in a set,
and I love it,
but it cracked.
Just, you know, wear and tear.
I didn't want to chuck it away.
I was so attached to it.
Need to give it
a couple of seconds more.
I hope Dick notices.
Hiya. Smells good. Well done.
Very nice.
What's the scent?
- Lemongrass.
- Very good.
You gonna mass produce
these then?
Yeah.
Dick, voice-over:
She thinks I'm joking,
but this could save us
some valuable pennies
for future events
we put on here,
and when your business
is struggling,
like Jonathan and Michael's,
every little helps.
It's 10 A.M. the next day,
the morning of the wedding,
and they're about to fork out
£423 to a couple of plumbers,
who've had to come out
during French holidays
to make sure there's water
for the chateau's 45 guests.
At least they found some.
Jonathan: Plumbers are here.
It's looking good
because they
are 9 minutes early,
so that's good
by French standards.
Whoo, Lulu!
Dick: But while they fix it,
they have to turn the water
supply to the chateau off.
Jonathan: Obviously, everybody's
gonna be wanting
to get ready for the wedding,
and there's no water.
Everybody will be
wanting breakfast,
there's no water,
lunch--there's no water,
so it's critical we get
this done, like, now.
Dick: It doesn't help
that Jonathan gave
the plumbers
the wrong pipe size.
Well, I've been
a bit of a chump.
I said it was about
25 millimeters,
which is about that, I think,
which is what that looks like,
but actually, it's nearer 40.
Anyway, laughing apart,
I've just now cost us
probably 20 minutes because
they've got to now go
into town
to the plumbing trade supply
and pick up
the correct piece of pipe.
Dick: Over
in the chateau forest,
Michael is checking up
on the new, quickly arranged
wedding location down
by a hunting tower.
Michael: Yeah.
So it's looking good.
I like the candelabras.
They're cool.
Dick: And it looks like he's
learned a lesson
on saving money from Angel.
Instead of spending hundreds
on flowers,
he's using ivy
from the forest floor.
Michael: One of the first
things we did when we got
to Dick and Angel's chateau
was to try and convince
Jonathan--or Angel was
trying to convince Jonathan
that we could use things like
the ivy to decorate
for weddings, and look,
here we are, ivy galore.
Ha ha ha!
Dick: Last-minute changes are
a wedding planner's nightmare.
After carting 50 chairs
into the forest,
wedding planner Janet
now has to check
that the horse and carriage
that will carry the bride
can actually get to the tower.
Janet: I'm not sure whether
we might need a cushion
in the carriage for tonight
because it's a bit bumpy,
but we'll--and we might have
to cut a few branches down.
When I left here yesterday,
the plan was
that we're having
the wedding here.
That was OK,
but the horse and carriage
was going to come up
this alley to my right here,
which is quite wide,
and take a sweep round,
and go out
on the next alleyway
that way.
The bride's now changed
her mind because
when the chairs are in place
it doesn't work,
so now we're hoping that
the horse and carriage
can come down this alley here,
which was going
to be the carpark,
and go out of the alley
that he was supposed to be
coming in on.
Now if we do it that way,
we've got find somewhere
to park all the cars
because we don't want them
down there because they'll
be in the photographs,
so that's my next challenge
is to find a carpark
in the middle of a forest.
Dick: Meanwhile, the chateau's
still without water,
but at least the plumber's
back from the shop.
It's not been the best start
to the day,
but think what the bride
must be feeling.
Jonathan: We're getting some
dirty looks
as we walk around.
We've already had
the bride out to say,
you now, "How long is it
really going to be?
Don't just keep saying,
'5 minutes, 5 minutes,"
so they're obviously
getting a bit hett up,
which is not what we wanted.
Dick:
Michael and Jonathan's future
as luxury chateau wedding hosts
rests on how well today goes,
and so far,
some of the guests
aren't entirely happy.
Jonathan: Some people have
gone off without showering,
so they're not gonna be
best pleased.
Hey-ho.
[Thunder, rain falling]
Dick: Back at Chateau Madame,
it's been raining
for more than hour,
stopping Steve
and his stonemason Didier
from finishing the pool,
but with the first guests
due to arrive in a few hours,
Steve's decided not to waste
a single second,
so he gets on
with seeding the lawn.
Steve: The sky says it's time
to plant grass.
Dick: Obviously, the lawn
won't be ready
for Chateau Madame's first ever
paying guests.
They'll just be happy
to get a pool.
After two hours,
the sky begins to clear.
The Dordogne sun comes out,
and Mandy arrives
for the final push
before the guests arrive.
Mandy: I see that he house
is being cleaned,
and, well, it's looking
pretty amazing.
Dick: As is the pool,
which is finally finished.
Mandy: Wow. Look at that.
Brilliant.
Steve: This is fantastic.
- Really. Merci.
- No, no, no.
[Speaking French]
Dick: When the grass grows
over the next few months,
it'll look even better.
The storm cost them
precious time,
and now the heat is on
to get Chateau Madame
ready for its guests.
It's, uh, 6:30,
and I think they're
supposed to be here
between 7:00 and 8:00.
Dick: You'd better pull
your finger out, Steve.
Just over 200 miles north
at Chateau de Jalesnes
in the Loire Valley,
Michael and Jonathan
are coming to the end
of a stressful couple of days.
Jonathan: Mmm.
Broken lift, a missing Jesus,
a last-minute change
of location for the wedding
have all been sorted,
and now thanks
to two French plumbers,
the burst water mains
has been fixed, as well.
That's job well done. Phew.
It's a relief.
Dick: 45 guests have
now arrived,
and the wedding begins
in half an hour.
Janet: Can I give you these,
please,
if you wouldn't mind just
lighting the candles for me.
I'll give you a spare in case
one of them doesn't work.
- OK. Off we go.
- I'll see you later.
- See you up there.
- Bye-bye. Thank you.
Ha ha ha!
Dick: To make the most
of the French
late summer sun,
it'll be an evening wedding.
Jonathan and Michael want to
make sure everything
from now on goes
without a hitch.
- How are we doing for time?
- Well, it's just
coming up to 8:00.
- Really?
- The guests will be arriving
there about 8:00,
but the bride isn't gonna
be there until about half 8:00.,
so we just need to light
about 30 candles
and then scoot out of the way.
Angel will be proud.
Look at all these--
ivy tumbling all over the place.
Jonathan: Well, it's
the in thing at the moment
to make it look
all decayed grandeur.
Dick: See? Everyone loves
a candle or two at a wedding.
Jonathan: That's to keep
the mozzies at bay,
but I fear that that's not
gonna be enough for 45 people.
Dick: The special moment
is almost here.
The guests are arriving.
Have Michael and Jonathan got
everything ready in time?
At Chateau Madame,
Mandy and Steve's
first ever paying guests
are due to arrive any minute.
Looks nice now--now
that all the cement's covered.
Steve: Guys, help.
If it rains, then the roof
hasn't got a gutter,
so all the water will run,
chuck straight down
into my little garden here.
You guys should get
everything you have
and give it out of the house
and put it in Mandy's ASAP.
Don't worry about how
it goes.
You just have to get it
out of there.
We've got minutes.
The pool area looks fantastic.
Bravo. He did it.
Dick: Outside may be tidy,
but inside's another story.
Steve: they're supposed to be
here starting right now,
and I haven't even gotten
my stuff out of the room.
- Do you need help?
- Yes. Desperately.
Dick: As Steve disappears
inside to collect his things...
Mandy: Bonjour.
Dick: The guests arrive.
Steve: We're so glad
you're here.
Man: So are we.
Steve: It's nice and cool
in here.
Man: Wow!
Dick: Fortunately, they seem
as enchanted
by this lovely, old chateau
as Steve and Mandy are
despite the fact that Steve's
still not quite finished.
Steve: My clothes are still up
on the top floor,
so if you'd be
a little patient with me.
[Laughter]
Mandy: They are in love with it.
Thoroughly happy.
The little boy is
thrilled to pieces.
He wants to go with, you know,
knights and castles
and God knows what else,
so for him, it's magic.
Dick: But how does Steve feel?
And, uh, when you back away
from the great clouds
of stone dust,
it's pretty nice.
The pool is finished,
the margelles are on.
All the problems
are taken care of and solved
and are in the process
of being forgotten.
Have to say I'm a little tired,
but the bottom line is
it's a complete success.
Dick: Well done, Steve.
Well done, Mandy.
After the troubles you
went through with that pool,
you deserve a rest.
Back at Chateau de Jalesnes,
the guests are arriving,
and the initial reaction
is a good one.
- Can't even say that word.
- Oh, my God. This is gorgeous.
Oh, it's so pretty. Ohh.
Man: See? Isn't this
a good venue?
Michael: Looks beautiful,
doesn't it?
Jonathan: Yeah.
Really, really lovely.
After all the traumas
and tribulations of this week
of getting the last-minute
things happening,
it's all come together,
it's looking pretty good.
Jonathan: It looks
really beautiful.
It just makes everything else
pale into insignificance,
all that hard work,
all that drama,
all that running around
like headless chickens,
and it just looks beautiful.
- Should we leave them to it?
- Yeah.
Looks like it's all in order.
- Job well done.
- Heh heh heh.
Come on.
Ahh. Massive relief.
Dick: Back at the chateau,
the bride is on her way,
and she doesn't even have to
watch her step.
Woman: Stephanie and David,
you're now together
in the bonds of matrimony.
I pronounce you
husband and wife,
and may I be the first
to congratulate you both.
David: Aw. Thank you.
[Cheering and applause]
[Sharp whistles]
Dick: As the sun sets
at Chateau de Jalesnes
and the wedding party's
about to go into full swing,
3 floors up
on the chateau terrace,
Michael and Jonathan find
a moment to relax,
but it's decision time.
After all the work
of the fiery investors' week,
are they going to stay on here?
Michael: We won't be going
through 3 or 4 weddings
in a summer.
We'll be going
through 18, 19 weddings
and bringing that
to loads of people
rather than just one or two,
so this is gonna be
a successful business
that's gonna bring joy
and happiness
to all the people who come
and have their wedding,
their birthday,
their anniversary
at Chateau de Jalesnes.
Dick: Fighting words,
and there's more
than just themselves
to consider.
If you think about
how much money
this is bringing
to the economy here
with all these guests
staying for a week.
They're hiring kayaks,
they're hiring cars,
they're doing their shopping
in the local shops,
the local boulangerie,
and this is the sort of thing
that invigorates
a village community.
This is not shut off
from the world.
It's not a stuffy museum.
It's a living, vibrant space,
and we're so proud,
so proud that
with our partners
and with all the investors
that we've been able to bring
this chateau to life,
and it's great,
and the more things
like this that we can have here,
the more life we can breathe
back into the old girl.
Onwards and upwards.
What do you say?
- Forward with a song.
- Ha ha ha!
Dick: Fantastic news.
I don't doubt yours
and Chateau de Jalesnes' future
is going to be a rosy one.
I'm hungry. Let's go
and have some food.
Come on, Lulu.
Off you go. Bang on.
Dick: Next time...
we meet a whole new raft
of Brits
with a whole new set
of chateau problems.
When two new parents face
a mammoth task
trying to get their chateau
ready for a holiday season...
I don't know if we can
get everything done in time.
Dick: they call in support.
I was up at 4:00 in morning.
I didn't think I was gonna be
moving and painting
stuff all day.
Dick: or at least they
thought they had.
We don't actually know
if he's ever really done
a fully day's work
in his life before.
Dick: One chateau couple gambles
everything
on a new menu
for their guests...
Woman: It's not going
fantastically well.
Dick: Things start
to get heated.
Woman: Wow! It's really hot.
Dick: And when I get a call
to help one woman
search for some buried
chateau booty...
Woman: Dick, come and find
the treasure for me.
Dick, voice-over: We find
ourselves a bit tangled up.
You want to go further in?
This way. I'm in the trees!
Ha ha!
Hold on.