Escape to the Chateau DIY (2018–2021): Season 1, Episode 12 - The Pethericks 2 - full transcript
Dick, voice-over:
That's me, Dick Strawbridge.
my darling wife Angel,
and our two beautiful children.
Nearly 3 years ago,
we upped sticks
for a whole new life in France
and bought
this magnificent chateau.
Angel: Oh! Woo!
Dick, voice-over: We've been
doing it up ever since.
Angel: Baby,
oh, you're so strong.
Dick, voice-over: Turns out
we're not the only ones.
Woman: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh. Oops.
Dick, voice-over: Dozens of
Brits are taking the plunge
to rescue
these stunning buildings.
Man: Oh!
Woman: What amazing colors.
Jonathan: We need to get on top
of it,
get on top of the goats.
Dick, voice-over:
In this series,
we'll reveal more of
how we're running our chateau
as a business...
Ha ha! Back on dry land!
Angel: I'm still finding things
that I haven't seen.
Dick, voice-over: And we'll help
these daring families
run theirs.
Angel: Here's to the meeting
of two like-minded couples.
Man: Cheers.
Angel: Cheers.
Dick, voice-over:
As they face the highs...
I'm absolutely terrified.
Dick, voice-over:
...and lows...
[Engine sputtering]
Woman:
It's extremely expensive.
It's financial suicide.
Dick, voice-over: ...of running
these gorgeous buildings
as everything from B&Bs
to beautiful wedding venues.
Woman: Owning a chateau
isn't glamorous.
[Coughs]
Woman: Anyone who thinks it is
is delusional.
Dick, voice-over: Today,
the perils of repairing
a 6-story chateau.
Billy: You know, I'm not
too afraid of heights,
but this is a bit extreme.
Dick, voice-over:
Plumbing problems
at this 12-century abbey...
Woo!
Do you see anything?
Clive: Yes. Want to come down
and have a look?
No, thanks. Ha!
Dick, voice-over: While running
a chateau with loved ones
is never plain sailing...
Marian: John. John.
We employ him
to look after this pool.
John: Yeah.
He hasn't done it for 4 years.
Dick, voice-over: And Angel and
I carry out valuable research
into our new wine list.
Dick:
We could get so pickled.
[Slurps]
Dick, voice-over:
Londoner Billy
and his French fiancee
Gwendoline
are still in their 20s.
But with the help of Billy's
older brother, Michael,
they're working hard
to turn the 22-bedroom
Chateau de la Basmaignee
into a luxury wedding venue
as well as
a beautiful family home.
Billy: It is a bit fancy
living in a French chateau.
It's always been
a bit of a dream.
Michael: Together I think
we can make it work.
Gwendoline: Yeah, definitely.
We might have a few problems
on the way,
but that's part of life,
isn't it?
Dick, voice-over: Their chateau
is in the Pays de La Loire
in northwestern France.
They live in the guest house
but need to move out
in just 3 weeks
so they can rent it
to paying guests.
That means making the chateau
habitable,
but the wood burner is
causing them a bit of a problem.
Gwendoline: Well?
Michael: That's not supposed to
be coming out the sides, is it?
Gwendoline: Well,
that's what I was thinking.
Michael:
I wonder why it's doing that?
Billy: I think the cement
between the blocks,
I think it needs repointing
because there's smoke
pouring out of the holes
through the sides
and between the stone.
So it shouldn't be doing that.
Dick, voice-over: They suspect
the brickwork needs repointing,
a pretty straightforward
repair job
if you're at ground level.
Michael: It looks like
the house is on fire
rather than the chimney.
Ha ha.
Dick, voice-over:
Unless they repair the chimney,
they won't be able to use
the wood burner.
So someone's going to have to go
all the way up there and fix it.
Billy: It's probably about
20 meters, something like that,
so it's quite high up.
When you're up there,
you're like...
Ha ha.
Fortunately he's got
just the piece of kit for it.
Billy: We bought
a cherry pick car.
It goes about 22 meters.
It's not a new machine.
It's quite old, and hopefully
we have no problems
or we don't fall off the thing.
Dick, voice-over:
But they haven't so much
as switched it on since
buying it several weeks ago.
Michael: All right, so how
do we get this thing going?
Billy: Um...
this is the main switch
to turn it on,
and this is the ignition.
Completely stopped.
It's supposed to start.
Do you want to jump up
on top of the thing
and make sure the red switch--
Look, because look.
Basically it's like that
sometimes.
You have to twist it
so it's up like that.
Michael: And there's one
over on that--
Billy: There's one on that.
So jump up on top of it
and just check it.
Michael: Right, ok.
It's not working!
Billy: Yeah? Uh...
Michael: Did you know it even
worked when you bought it?
Billy: No, it worked
when we bought it,
but, uh...
[Beeping]
It's, uh...
Michael:
That doesn't sound right.
It means, uh...
I don't know what it means.
We'll have to look
in the manual, I think.
Dick, voice-over: If Billy
can't get up to fix the chimney,
there might be some
cold nights ahead for them all.
[Beeping]
It's not small task
trying to heat a chateau.
Especially where we live
in northwestern France.
Winter here
can be bone chilling,
often dipping to minus 10.
It gets so cold sometimes
even our moat freezes over.
It's not exactly warm in here.
It will be soon.
Dick, voice-over:
In the beginning,
it was a constant battle
to heat our home.
Angel: We could not
heat this house
in a way that would make
my mom and dad happy.
So our life
in January and February
revolved around
heating this house.
We would get up,
5 a.m. in the morning,
turn the heating on
to heat this room
so the kids would wake up
not freezing.
Said he'd run downstairs
and get the heating on
for the dining room
so we would have breakfast
in the heat.
And it kind of went round,
back again, and up.
The whole house was on/off
to make sure
that we had only heat
in one room for that time
because you can imagine trying
to heat the whole house.
Would have been mental
and a lot of money.
Not sustainable.
Dick, voice-over: Heating
all our rooms continuously
could cost over £500 a week.
Sometimes a chateau really
can feel like a money pit.
100 miles south
at Chateau Bois Giraud,
Marian and her husband John
have just splashed out
nearly £500
in having hundreds of flies
removed.
Marian, from Oxfordshire,
runs this place
as a luxurious holiday gite
with her two sisters,
Tanya and Katherine.
Tanya: I wouldn't say
it's profitable,
but it covers its costs
which is what we need it to do.
Dick, voice-over:
Nestled in the Loire Valley,
and set on 20 acres
of rural park land,
this gorgeous
19th-century chateau
has 9 bedrooms, 11 bathrooms,
a swimming pool,
and even a gym.
Tanya: My children really adore
going there,
and it is great for
family get-togethers.
We really enjoy it,
and that's kind of where we get
our satisfaction and pleasure,
from that side, you know,
from the family point of view.
Dick, voice-over: Every year,
the sisters make the trip
over from the U.K.
to get it ready
for another holiday season.
This morning, big sister Tanya
and her family arrived.
Today an engineer's
come to fix the lift.
Katherine: Bonjour!
My French isn't good.
Marian: My French is worse.
Dick, voice-over: Fortunately
their managing agent, Isabel,
is on hand to translate.
Marian:
Ok, so could you ask him
if there's still
the same problem
that there was last time
with the lift?
Isabel: The problem last time,
is it still---
Marian: In French.
Isabel: Oh!
Marian: Ha ha!
Marian: I remember he said
there was a click, click sound
which Tanya and I,
we're not worried about.
Isabel: [Speaking French]
Marian:
But we think it's fine,
but just to check.
[Speaking French]
Marian: I hope it's ok.
And so just to confirm,
today he is going to put alarms,
loud ones, on each floor.
Man: Oui.
Marian: Perfect.
Merci beaucoup.
Brilliant English.
Thank you.
Dick, voice-over: Whilst
the engineer gets to work,
Marian and Tanya realize
they don't have any means
to pay him for the job.
Marian: We're off to the bank.
We need to go now.
Tanya: Yep. We're late.
Marian: We're late.
Tanya: To get to the bank!
Marian: Ok.
Dick, voice-over:
But before they can leave,
Marian's husband, John,
wants to talk about the issue
with the roof.
John: The...it's dangerous,
very dangerous.
Marian: All right.
I don't need him to start
messing about,
interfering.
I just don't need that.
Dick, voice-over:
And there's something else
Marian doesn't want her husband
to interfere with.
Marian: Well, at the moment,
we're waiting for the pool man
to come and open it up.
And John's had a little,
uh, would quite like
to do it himself.
But I've asked him not to
because there are occasions
when he starts interfering,
and then he creates
more problems.
And then it's just--
Ok, thank you.
Tanya: Oh, it was very good.
Marian: That was great.
Dick, voice-over:
But when Marian gets back
from the bank an hour later,
she finds John
couldn't help himself.
He's decided to tackle
the pool.
Marian: John, we employ him
to look after this pool.
John: Yeah,
the fact of the matter is,
is that I always a bit cautious
of where he stands
in the whole pool maintenance--
Marian: John, this is his pool.
It's not your pool.
He hasn't done it for 4 years!
He doesn't do anything,
does he?
That's the problem.
Yeah, look at the state
of the pool!
The whole pool is leaking.
Marian: It's not leaking!
It's filled with water!
Dick, voice-over:
I hope John and Marian
can settle their differences
as there's still
a lot more to do here.
Marian: Oh, John.
John: Yes?
Marian: Please, could you look
at the downstairs loo seat
and tell us
if it needs a new one?
Under the stairs,
just there.
Dick, voice-over: As any Brit
who started a new life
in France knows,
one of the many pleasures
of living here
is having world-famous vineyards
at your doorstep.
Dick:
Ah, bonjour, monsieur!
Je m'appelle Dick.
Angel: Je m'appelle Angel.
Man: Enchantee.
Dick, voice-over:
But for Angel and I
tasting wine isn't just about
buying new additions
for our own cellar.
Dick: We're having a private
session here to find wines,
local wines.
Dick, voice-over:
Local sommelier Patrick
is helping us put together
a new wine list
for our wedding season.
Dick: We want to be able to have
people come to the chateau
for the first time,
drink the wine, go, "Wow!"
Dick, voice-over: But as ever
when running a chateau,
it's a balance
between tasting good
and not burning too big a hole
in your pocket.
[Speaking French]
Dick, voice-over:
With more than 4,000 vineyards
in the Loire Valley alone,
the choices are
a little overwhelming.
Dick: Um...
Dick, voice-over: And to
complicate matters further,
the wines on our list
need to compliment
all different varieties of food.
Angel: No. No, no, no.
We need a bon--bon vin...
good, good--
We just need good wine
that can go with everything.
Dick: The scallops.
Dick, voice-over: The best wines
carry the prestigious
A.O.C. certificate,
guaranteeing their origin
and quality.
Patrick:
[Speaking French]
Dick: Ok.
Angel:
Should we, like, get some...
Dick: Yes, we have to.
Angel: And then, um,
and try them?
Dick: We could get so pickled
this afternoon.
Angel: Mmm...
Dick: Ok.
Dick: [Speaking French]
Patrick: [Slurping]
Dick: [Slurping]
Angel: I just can't do that.
Dick: You have to.
It lets the air into your mouth.
Got to go...
[Slurps]
Suck the air into it.
You have to.
[Slurps]
Angel: I've got a brace
at the back of my teeth,
you know that.
God, I can't do it.
Dick: Of course you can do it.
Angel: I can't!
Dick: [Laughing]
Angel: Not really into wine
that much.
I understand the theory
behind it,
I just don't love it
the same way that Dick does.
The wine is totally
part of the package,
and I am as equally passionate
at getting the right thing
as Dick,
but I'm not comfortable
with it at all.
[Slurps]
I just--I can't do it.
I can't do it.
Oh, maybe.
Maybe I'll practice
in front of the mirror.
[Slurps]
Dick, voice-over:
With Patrick's help,
we've definitely saved a few
pennies on our wine list today
and been persuaded into buying
a few extra bottles
to carry on our research
at home.
Dick:
Taste this, have a nap?
Angel: [Sighs]
Look after the kids,
give mom and dad a break.
Dick: No, leave the kids
to your mom and dad,
taste it, and have a nap.
Dick, voice-over:
350 miles east of here
on the other side
of the country
is another
world-famous wine region,
Burgundy.
Here a 12th-century abbey
has been lovingly restored
by English couple
Clive and Tanith Cummings
and turned into
an up-market hotel.
Tanith: We love being
out in France.
It's so peaceful,
and it's so tranquil,
and it's just...
Clive: We've got
some very good friends locally
who we socialize with.
We're part and parcel
of the local community.
Dick, voice-over:
As well as 20 rooms,
this former place of worship
boasts
a Michelin-starred restaurant.
Chef: [Speaks French]
Dick, voice-over: But they're
still not yet making a profit.
Clive: We are still
a young business.
We have a very healthy
bank loan.
It's a fair amount of money
that goes out each month.
My electricity is normally
anywhere between 3,000
and 5,000 a month.
Clive: I'd love to be
a profitable organization,
but at the moment we're not.
I don't make any money,
and so that's what
gets you sometimes.
You work so hard, and you get
to the end of the year,
and you're like, [bleep].
You know, there's nothing left,
you know.
We spent it all.
Dick, voice-over:
To keep costs down,
live and Tanith do as many jobs
around the abbey as they can.
Tanith: We can work
in most departments
apart from the kitchen.
I do void the kitchen
as much as possible
as far as helping out.
But any other department,
either of us will go in
and help
where it's necessary,
So it's very hands on, but we've
always been very hands on.
Dick, voice-over: Today
Clive is going to have to be
a bit more hands on than usual.
He's got a pond
that's suffocating
from an invasion of algae,
and this fountain
has stopped working.
Clive: It's normally
a crystal clear pond,
fresh water that flows through,
and you can see the fish
beautifully.
And as you can see,
it's a bit of an eyesore now.
Dick, voice-over:
Too much algae
can suck out the oxygen
from the pond,
which could be devastating
for the 12 koi carp Clive keeps.
Clive: It's a job that I want
to get done pretty quick.
Don't want me fish to die.
That's the problem.
Dick, voice-over:
Once he's satisfied
he's got enough alga out,
Clive can move on
to the next problem.
His fountain's broken, and he
needs to fit a new pump.
But to do that, he needs
to lower the water level
by 3 inches.
The plug for the pond
is at the bottom,
which is about waist deep,
and I've got to get in there
and pull the plug out
to let the water out.
I don't know how far
I can lean under,
so I don't know whether
I'm going to have to put
me shoulders in
and go for a swim.
Not a very nice day
for swimming.
It looks pretty cold in there
as well.
Dick, voice-over: But Clive's
got a big pair of waders,
so this should be
a fairly simple job.
Clive: It's normally
about a meter deep.
I think just comes up literally
to about a centimeter
of my waders,
but I've just got
a sneaky feeling
I'm going to get wet socks.
Dick, voice-over:
In you get, Clive.
Clive: You can hear it.
[Gurgling]
That's a 12th-century plug.
Ha ha!
Dick, voice-over:
But removing it
doesn't appear to have made
the slightest bit of difference.
Clive:
It's not draining away.
The water's coming back up
the aqueduct here.
It's not moving at the moment.
Dick, voice-over:
As far as I'm concerned,
getting your hands dirty
is all part and parcel
of running a chateau,
especially if it saves you
a few quid.
For me, there's
nothing more satisfying
than solving a problem without
spending any money at all.
And finding old things like this
lying around
is a godsend
for small D.I.Y. jobs,
like building a chicken coop.
Dick: This old ladder,
I wouldn't walk up it,
but the chickens
will roost on it.
Watch.
You see, what we have there.
Angel: Oh, I see, right.
Dick: When it comes time
to roost,
there's enough space for them
to spread out.
This is one of the doors
from one of the stables.
It feels like
it's made of hardwood.
Dick, voice-over:
And what could be better
than upsiding a stable door
to keep the hens in
and Mr. Fox out?
Dick: And what I'm doing is
making a little area here
so that when we open this door
and come in,
the chickens will all
go straight out the door,
which is quite important
because 12 acres is quite
a lot of spaces to lose them.
Dick, voice-over:
But if you're really savvy
with your renovation,
you can even make
a few bob, too.
How are you?
Dick, voice-over:
We've had to remove
50 meters of old lead piping
that was used
for the chateau's original
19th-century plumbing system.
If this is all lead,
it can all go.
Dick, voice-over: Most homes
had lead water pipes
until the 1970s,
when it was discovered just
how dangerous they could be
to the water supply.
They'd been banned in France
for more than 20 years,
So I'm not sorry
to see this lot go.
Dick:
As far as we're concerned,
this is the last vestiges
of the old system.
It's going.
Man:
So all the lead disappears.
Dick: And there's probably
enough lead in here
to pay for about
3, couple pipes.
Dick, voice-over:
There's no way this stuff
is going to be skipped.
A kilo of lead piping
can fetch up to two pounds
when it's sold as scrap.
And we've removed hundreds
of kilos from our place.
Quite a lot of scrap here.
It's worth money.
Might be able to pay you
this time.
Man: Ha ha!
Dick, voice-over: Back at
Chateau de la Basmaignee
in the Pays de La Loire,
Billy and Michael
are trying to save money
by doing all
the restoration work themselves,
even those jobs that require
a serious head for heights.
But at the moment,
they can't even get the
cherry picker up and running.
Billy paid 6 grand for it
second hand.
Luckily, it came with
an instruction manual.
Billy: Oh, there it is.
Let's have a look at it.
Why, it's only in French.
Ha ha!
Do you read French?
Michael: Oh, a little bit.
Billy: [Reading French]
I don't know
what that word is.
Michael: Shall we get Gwendoline
to help us?
Billy:
Uh, I think we'll manage.
We'll try--You won't learn
if you keep asking Gwendoline.
Dick, voice-over:
If you ask me,
the battery is flat
as the cherry picker's
been sitting idle,
but Billy's got other ideas.
It could be a little bit empty
on diesel.
Michael: Ok.
Have you ever filled it up?
Billy:
I've never filled it up.
Michael: Well,
maybe that's what it is then.
So shall we go and get
some diesel?
Billy: I think we should
try that, yes.
Try a bit of diesel.
Ah!
Michael:
If this doesn't work,
we have no idea
what's wrong with it.
So we might be 6 grand
down the drain.
Right. Start her up then.
[Beeping]
Billy: Well, that's great,
isn't it?
It still doesn't want to start.
Dick, voice-over: That sounds
like a dead battery to me.
Michael: How long does it take
to charge a battery?
Billy: I don't know.
Michael: Hours?
Billy: Couple.
Michael: Days?
Billy: Couple of hours.
Says it's charging.
Which means it hasn't got
a lot of power in it.
That might do the job.
Because usually
it won't charge
if it knows
it's got enough power in it.
Probably.
Let's sort of leave it to it
and come back to it, I think.
Michael: Ok.
Billy: Yeah.
Michael: Try it again
in a few hours.
Billy:
Yeah, all right, then.
have a lot invested
in this chateau.
They bought it
for 1,000,050 euros...
with a large mortgage
and with the help
of an inheritance
from Gwendoline's late mother.
Gwendoline:
You can see my mom here
when she was a young girl,
and then there with me.
There's a drawing of her
that Michael did here.
And I've got her here as well.
Dick, voice-over:
It's just two years
since Gwendoline's mother died.
Gwendoline: Losing my mum
obviously wasn't easy,
and it's still not easy,
but, um...well, yeah,
I wanted to build something
with what she left me.
I know she would have loved
this place with the forest.
My mum used to love nature,
everything that was green.
Going out for walks,
and actually when we came
to visit this place,
we had a walk in the forest.
I could see my mum there,
and I--I knew
she would have loved it.
Achieving what
we are trying to do here
in a way is also for my mum
because she...she allowed us
to do this,
so we owe it to her
to make it work.
Dick, voice-over: When they
found this magnificent place
for sale last year,
they had no idea of the history
that lay within its walls.
The chateau was named
after the Basmaignee family,
who some 300 years ago
were royal advisors
to King Louis XIV.
Gwendoline: This over here
is supposed to be
Madame du Basmaignee,
who gave her name basically.
Basmaignee was a family name,
the family who built
the chateau.
And it's supposed to be
Madame du Basmaignee
going hunting on her horse.
Dick, voice-over:
Madame du Basmaignee
was the last member of the
family to inhabit the chateau
before it was sold following
the French Revolution.
Since then,
it's had dozens of owners,
some more careful than others.
Gwendoline:
The funny thing here
is that you can see that some
of the paneling is missing.
And actually we were told
that the previous, previous,
previous owners
weren't paying their bills
anymore or anything,
so the house and its contents
were sold in auction.
So people came and bought
everything that as in the house,
and apparently some people
bought the paneling
from the walls.
Michael: Because they liked it,
I suppose.
Gwendoline:
So they just ripped it off.
Michael:
I think it's stage by stage.
You get around to doing
all these--
Gwendoline: Yeah,
we're not expecting
all of it to be done
in a year or two.
- We know it's going to take--
- No miracles.
- Yeah.
- But it will get done.
Dick, voice-over: Having left
the cherry picker on charge
for a few hours,
it's time for Billy and Michael
to see if it's working
so they can finally
get up on the roof
and fix the chimney.
Billy: This is the last resort,
really.
We've done
so many things to it
that I don't know what else
could be wrong with it.
So fingers crossed.
I mean, if it doesn't start,
I don't know what
we're going to do, so...
hopefully it works.
Uh, there's
an ignition button.
It's the small black button.
Michael: With a...
Billy: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[Beeping]
Billy: Push it.
[Engine starts]
Michael: It works!
That's brilliant!
Really works!
Dick, voice-over:
Fixing the cherry picker,
that's the easy part.
The real work
is still to come.
In the Loire Valley,
sisters Marian and Tanya,
along with their families,
are preparing their chateau
for the first guests
of the season
who arrive in 48 hours' time.
Well, I brought
this list to do.
Dick, voice-over: The sisters
are catching up with paperwork
while Marian's husband, John,
is seeing to the toilets.
Tanya: Ha ha!
Marian: Would you be willing
to go and get another loo seat?
John: I'll get one
if you want me to, yes.
Marian:
That would be fantastic.
Please, could you go and get
another loo seat.
Thank you, John.
Tanya: Ha ha!
I don't think he's too happy
at all about doing that!
Marian: Do you think it's worth
us getting two loo seats?
Marian: Uh, John?
John: Yes!
Marian: Why don't you take
that loo seat
because all loo seats
are slightly different sizes.
Yeah?
John: Um, all loo seats
are different sizes?
Marian: Oh, we're constantly
having problems?
John, just take it anyway!
You girls will be alone
without a loo seat.
Tanya: Ha ha!
Marian: Anyway,
just get it right, get it right.
Dick, voice-over:
30 minutes later,
John and his sons
Ben and Dan
are on the prowl
for a replacement.
John: 38 euros.
40 euros.
34 euros.
40 euros.
Ben: I want a tiger one.
It's quite good, isn't it,
but...
Yeah, no, it's quite off
putting, isn't it really?
It's a bit of a tough one
actually.
Ben:
That's really picky is...
Dick, voice-over:
John makes his choice,
but just as he's leaving,
one loo seat stands out
from all the rest.
John: Well,
that is quite clever.
Well, I'll have a bit of fun.
Dick, voice-over:
For John's sake,
I hope Marian's as impressed
with the novelty loo seat
as he seems to be.
John: Merci beaucoup.
Woman: Au revoir.
John: Bon jour. Au revoir.
Adieu.
Come on.
Dick, voice-over:
His wife, Marian,
and sister-in-law Tanya
were convinced
loo seats came in all shapes
and sizes.
Turns out they were wrong.
John:
Here you are, girls.
Marian: Oh, what have
you got there, John?
John: Two loo seats.
Tanya: Ha ha!
John: They are all the same.
They are universal.
I've got you
a nice wooden one.
And I've got this other one,
but it says E = MC squared
on top of it.
But they strike out the M
and they put W.
E = WC squared.
Tanya: Oh, what does the E
stand for?
Marian: Energy.
John: Energy.
Tanya: No,
but in the new equation.
John:
Are you happy with that?
Marian: We're happy with that,
John. Let's go!
Tanya: Come on,
king of the loo seats.
Dick, voice-over:
But once it's been fitted,
it seems the sisters
aren't too happy
with the wooden one either.
I think white
would have been better.
Hate to say it,
but it's a white room
with white--white tile.
Anyway, there's no wood.
John: Righty loosey.
Marian: I think it's better
than the E=M--
WC squared or whatever.
John:
Well, you said get two, right?
Tanya: Of course we meant
two...[indistinct]
John: [Indistinct]
I have to say, you know what,
it doesn't matter what I do,
it's going to be wrong.
Damned if you do,
damned if you don't.
All right!
Marian: Well done, John.
Tanya: Well done, John.
John: [Indistinct]
I'm going to have a beer.
Tanya: Go have a beer.
John: All right.
Dick, voice-over:
He deserves one.
But he can't go too mad.
The first guests arrive
in less than 48 hours.
So everyone will need
their wits about them
if they're going to get
this place ready on time.
400 miles east
at Abbaye de la Bussiere
Clive needs to lower
the pond level
to fit a new pump
to the fountain.
But despite finally
plucking up the courage
to get into the pond,
pulling the plug
doesn't appear to have made
a great deal of difference.
Clive: It's not draining away.
The pipe from the plug
goes down into an aqueduct,
and the aqueduct
then runs into another aqueduct.
It's not moving at all.
Dick, voice-over:
Beneath the abbey,
a network
of 12th-century aqueducts
carry water around the estate.
The pond water is supposed to
drain out into the system, too.
Clive: The problem is monks
didn't leave me any plans.
And so I don't know
where it runs...
unless I go down
into the aqueduct myself
and have a look.
Right, let's have a look.
So this aqueduct,
this runs from the river Ouche
at the back of the building.
It comes all under reception,
under the patio,
and then right down
to the lake.
Dick, voice-over: Clive suspects
a blockage somewhere
is stopping the pond
from draining out.
And there's only one way
to find out for sure.
Clive: Let's go caving.
Oh!
See you later.
Tanith: Do you see anything?
Clive: Yes!
Want to come down
and have a look?
Tanith: No, thanks. Ha ha!
There's a plug.
We've got a pipe
on the left.
There's nothing up there.
Nothing at all
as far as I can see.
This takes me back to
my old caving days, this does.
Time to get out.
Time for plan B.
Dick, voice-over:
Unfortunately for Clive,
plan B means he's going to have
to get back into the pond.
And now I'm back
to square one again.
Dick, voice-over: Back at
Chateau de la Basmaignee,
Billy's got the cherry picker
up and running.
[Engine running]
But before venturing
onto the roof
to fix the chimney,
he needs a safety harness.
Billy: One leg
goes through there.
Dick, voice-over:
And squeezing into it
is proving to be
another unexpected challenge.
Billy:
Oh, that's a bit tight.
I feel like
I'm in "Fifty Shades of Gray."
Ha ha!
Michael: All strapped up.
Billy: I'm all strapped up.
Michael: Right, good luck.
See you later.
Dick, voice-over:
The cherry picker
will need to be
at its full stretch of 22 meters
for Billy to reach the chimney.
Billy: It's pretty high up,
yeah,
so I'm not looking forward
to it.
Ha ha.
Michael:
I think he'll be fine.
He's, uh, he's quite good
at this sort of thing.
I'm absolutely terrified.
Michael: How's the view
up there, Billy?
I can see England from here!
Dick, voice-over:
A quick inspection
reveals the chimney
is riddled with holes
where the 200-year-old mortar
has worn away.
Billy: If you look
at the size of the gap,
I mean, I can put my hand
in it.
So it's a big old gap.
That's where all the smoke's
coming out.
Just don't look down.
Ha ha!
Dick, voice-over: Filling joints
in masonry with mortar like this
is called pointing.
I've never done this before...
so...it should be all right.
Ha ha!
Going up about 20 meters
and whacking a bit of cement
in a hole,
it's not...it's not
the sort of thing you imagine
when you buy a chateau,
but, ha ha,
but you've got--
you've got to do these things.
This beats a 9:00 to 5:00 job
back in England, it does.
Gwendoline: Bit scary, but as
long as he's confident up there
it's all right.
I wouldn't do it myself,
though.
Dick, voice-over:
Nice pointing, Billy.
After nearly two hours
on the roof,
he's just about done.
Michael: Have you managed
to finish it then?
Billy: Yeah, it's all done!
Michael: Oh, brilliant!
Hold on. Let's go down.
[Cherry picker thuds]
Oh, I don't like that noise,
do you?
Michael: Well done, Billy!
Gwendoline: Yay!
Michael: You're braver than us!
Billy: I am.
You're not tough.
Dick, voice-over:
All that's left to do now
is test Bill's pointing
by lighting the wood burner.
Gwendoline: It's working!
Billy: Yeah, the smoke's
coming out of the chimney.
Gwendoline:
Yeah, well done, guys.
Dick, voice-over: It's worked.
Gwendoline, Billy, and Michael
can heat the chateau for free.
But the work doesn't stop here.
There's still lots to do
before they're ready to welcome
their first guest.
Gwendoline:
They're coming in 3 weeks
in this house
where we live at the moment,
so we need to get out of here
and get it ready.
We've got to move in
in 3 weeks,
so, uh, there's a lot to do.
Dick, voice-over:
In Burgundy,
Abbaye de la Bussiere
is a high-end luxury hotel
that welcomes guests
from all over the world.
So a blocked pond
and a broken fountain
simply won't do.
Clive: Ha ha!
Dick, voice-over: Having failed
to find the mystery blockage
in the 12th-century drains,
British owner Clive
is going to tackle it
from the pond side instead.
Clive: Got a jet wash gun.
I'm hoping that
this instrument here,
the pipe head,
which you attach onto here,
the pipe head
is going to clear off.
So that's what we're hoping.
Dick, voice-over:
It means Clive will have
to get back in the pond,
and the hotel's
general manager Michael
has come along
for moral support.
Oh! I just got a wet groin.
Ha ha! It's cold!
Dick, voice-over: But just when
he seems to be making headway...
[Pump stops]
Michael:
Oh, tripped itself off.
Clive: How is it?
Ha ha.
So we might have fused
the whole abbey.
Ha ha!
Two different plugs
it's not working on.
Michael: [Speaking French]
Dick, voice-over: So now plan B
is out the window,
it's time to improvise.
Michael:
If plan C doesn't work,
you start plan D, E, F, and G.
And eventually you'll get there.
Dick, voice-over: Plan C is
a good old-fashioned drain rod.
He says, what did you do
this afternoon?
I spent my afternoon rodding.
Ha ha!
Can you hear that?
[Gurgling]
Cracked it.
There must be calcium.
Dick, voice-over:
Using the rods,
Clive's managed to dislodge
a build-up of calcium
or lime scale in the pipes
about 4 meters between the pond
and the aqueduct.
Clive: My wife's got me
on a detox.
I reckon I deserve
a good glass of wine.
Dick, voice-over:
Blockage removed,
finally the water
begins to drain away.
Clive: If you want
the comfortable life,
don't buy an abbey.
Ha ha!
Dick, voice-over:
An hour later,
the water level has dropped
enough to fit the new pump.
So it's back into the pond
one last time.
Clive: Fuse number 19.
[Click]
There we go.
Let's hope we haven't
electrified the fish. Ha!
Hey!
I knew we'd get there.
Doesn't that look good?
That's my mini Geneva.
It's quite powerful.
Good.
Dick, voice-over:
It's a good thing
Clive got the fountain fixed,
because tomorrow
some very special guests
are due to arrive.
Tanith: They're flying in
by helicopter,
which is going to be
an amazing start.
He wants to propose
to his girlfriend.
So the best thing
probably that we can do
is just sort of make it
as special as possible.
So that's the plan.
Dick, voice-over: 400 miles away
in the Loire Valley,
it's the final day getting
the 9 bedroom holiday gite
Chateau du Bois Giraud
set up for the holiday season.
And sisters Marian and Tanya
need to get
the whole place tidied
before the team of local carpet
cleaners arrive in an hour.
Ben:
I've done enough chores!
Marian: A harlequin game.
Dick, voice-over:
One of Marian's last jobs
is to check on
the chateau's cellar.
She wants to check
that weeds aren't growing
in the only available patch
of sunlight down there.
Marian:
It gets things growing
up and through the grate.
And then they grow up there,
and that turns into
a bit of a jungle.
But actually the weed killer
from last year
it looks like
it's done its thing.
Dick, voice-over:
These cold cellars
would have been used
for food storage
in the days before fridges
and freezers.
Marian:
So these, they're apple juice.
We were just obviously
feeling brave.
And then we all tried it,
and we're all still alive.
These are just empty bottles.
I know,
shame they're all empty.
Supposed to hang meat
on these things.
the carpet cleaners
have arrived,
which gives Tanya a chance
to try out her French
before she leaves.
Tanya: Do come in!
Bed.
[Indistinct chatter, laughter]
Woman: [Speaking French]
Tanya: Ha ha! Again.
I speak no French.
They speak
a tiny bit of English.
But we just resorted
to sign language and noises,
and that worked really well
actually.
Dick, voice-over:
The chateau's 9 bedrooms
all need to be done in time
for the first paying guests
who arrive tomorrow.
Tanya: It's not grand
having the carpet cleaners
in the day before
because it needs 24 hours
for the carpets to dry.
So it's going to be a rush today
to get everything in.
Dick, voice-over:
And it's not her lucky day
as there's a problem with
the carpet-cleaning machine.
Tanya: It's not working.
We're already
very, very short of time,
and we really don't have time
for a carpet cleaner
that doesn't want
to do its job,
so we need this
like a hole in the head.
Now the boss for
the cleaning company,
for the carpet cleaner,
has arrived,
come and had a look at it,
so I'm hopeful
that he can get it going.
Let's hope the carpet cleaner
listens to him
and does as it's told.
[Blows]
[Electrical buzz]
Dick, voice-over:
Outside the pool's hose
has been left on overnight,
and it's finally full
of clean water.
And Marian, John, and the kids
are all set to leave.
Marian: I couldn't get my...
[indistinct]
Dick, voice-over: Almost.
Marian: Where's my little
day pack gone?
Dick, voice-over: They won't be
back until September.
Tanya: Bye, John!
John: See you later!
Tanya:
Thanks for all your help.
Thanks for your toilet seat.
Dick, voice-over:
Which means the last few jobs
are left for Tanya.
Tanya: See you! Bye!
Have a good trip!
Dick, voice-over: Back inside
there's some good news.
Tanya: Oh, that's great.
Thank you. Thank you.
Lovely.
It seemed like
some sort of blockage.
Dick, voice-over: With the
carpet cleaner back in the game,
Tanya can do a task
she always puts off
to the end of her visit.
Tanya: Oh, let's see
what the flies are like.
Dick, voice-over: One of
the chateau's own suites
seems to be a favorite residence
for these little beasties.
Well,
there are a few in there.
Dick, voice-over:
From bitter experience,
we know every chateau has flies,
and anyone who says they don't
is telling porkies.
Tanya: Just running some hot,
hope for the best.
That isn't going down
properly...or very slowly.
But I'm going to have to
dismantle under here,
and that will probably
put flies in it.
Let's see what we've got.
It's not really very nice.
So owning a chateau
isn't glamorous.
Ha! Anyone who thinks it is
is delusional.
Dick, voice-over: Yeah, but
what a wonderful place to live.
Tanya: So that sorts
done for now in here.
Dick, voice-over: Tanya's got
to leave in less than an hour
to make her ferry.
So it's a good thing
the carpet cleaners
have finished their business.
Tanya: It's come out, I'd say,
almost as good as new.
Woman: Is good?
Tanya: It's very good.
Thank you.
Dick, voice-over:
And after a few last jobs...
some simpler than others.
Tanya: Heating.
SO now I just press
the circuit button.
Dick, voice-over:
Chateau du Bois Giraud
is finally ready,
just about on time.
It is hard and it's stressful
getting out,
but it's all done.
Dick, voice-over:
When the guests arrive tomorrow
to enjoy
this magnificent chateau,
they'll never even know Tanya,
her sister, and their families
had ever been here.
Next time, Gwen, Billy,
and Michael
race to get the chateau ready
to move into.
This stuff absolutely stinks.
Dick, voice-over:
But Michael goes AWOL.
Gwendoline: Michael!
Michael!
Michael!
Dick, voice-over: Clive and
Tanith find playing cupid...
He wants to propose
to his girlfriend,
so he's asked us to help him.
Dick, voice-over:
...is easier said than done.
Clive:
I need to very discreetly
get the gentleman on his own,
just a case of loitering
with intent.
Dick, voice-over:
Things fall apart
for a novice builder.
Man: Ok, gently let her down.
[Crash]
Different man: Oh!
Dick, voice-over:
And whilst bargain hunting
at a brocante...
Angel: Oh, I love it!
Dick: It's so wrong.
Dick, voice-over:
...Angel finds it hard
to stay focused.
Dick: What do you fancy?
Angel: You.
Dick: You're so full of it.
Come on.
That's me, Dick Strawbridge.
my darling wife Angel,
and our two beautiful children.
Nearly 3 years ago,
we upped sticks
for a whole new life in France
and bought
this magnificent chateau.
Angel: Oh! Woo!
Dick, voice-over: We've been
doing it up ever since.
Angel: Baby,
oh, you're so strong.
Dick, voice-over: Turns out
we're not the only ones.
Woman: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh. Oops.
Dick, voice-over: Dozens of
Brits are taking the plunge
to rescue
these stunning buildings.
Man: Oh!
Woman: What amazing colors.
Jonathan: We need to get on top
of it,
get on top of the goats.
Dick, voice-over:
In this series,
we'll reveal more of
how we're running our chateau
as a business...
Ha ha! Back on dry land!
Angel: I'm still finding things
that I haven't seen.
Dick, voice-over: And we'll help
these daring families
run theirs.
Angel: Here's to the meeting
of two like-minded couples.
Man: Cheers.
Angel: Cheers.
Dick, voice-over:
As they face the highs...
I'm absolutely terrified.
Dick, voice-over:
...and lows...
[Engine sputtering]
Woman:
It's extremely expensive.
It's financial suicide.
Dick, voice-over: ...of running
these gorgeous buildings
as everything from B&Bs
to beautiful wedding venues.
Woman: Owning a chateau
isn't glamorous.
[Coughs]
Woman: Anyone who thinks it is
is delusional.
Dick, voice-over: Today,
the perils of repairing
a 6-story chateau.
Billy: You know, I'm not
too afraid of heights,
but this is a bit extreme.
Dick, voice-over:
Plumbing problems
at this 12-century abbey...
Woo!
Do you see anything?
Clive: Yes. Want to come down
and have a look?
No, thanks. Ha!
Dick, voice-over: While running
a chateau with loved ones
is never plain sailing...
Marian: John. John.
We employ him
to look after this pool.
John: Yeah.
He hasn't done it for 4 years.
Dick, voice-over: And Angel and
I carry out valuable research
into our new wine list.
Dick:
We could get so pickled.
[Slurps]
Dick, voice-over:
Londoner Billy
and his French fiancee
Gwendoline
are still in their 20s.
But with the help of Billy's
older brother, Michael,
they're working hard
to turn the 22-bedroom
Chateau de la Basmaignee
into a luxury wedding venue
as well as
a beautiful family home.
Billy: It is a bit fancy
living in a French chateau.
It's always been
a bit of a dream.
Michael: Together I think
we can make it work.
Gwendoline: Yeah, definitely.
We might have a few problems
on the way,
but that's part of life,
isn't it?
Dick, voice-over: Their chateau
is in the Pays de La Loire
in northwestern France.
They live in the guest house
but need to move out
in just 3 weeks
so they can rent it
to paying guests.
That means making the chateau
habitable,
but the wood burner is
causing them a bit of a problem.
Gwendoline: Well?
Michael: That's not supposed to
be coming out the sides, is it?
Gwendoline: Well,
that's what I was thinking.
Michael:
I wonder why it's doing that?
Billy: I think the cement
between the blocks,
I think it needs repointing
because there's smoke
pouring out of the holes
through the sides
and between the stone.
So it shouldn't be doing that.
Dick, voice-over: They suspect
the brickwork needs repointing,
a pretty straightforward
repair job
if you're at ground level.
Michael: It looks like
the house is on fire
rather than the chimney.
Ha ha.
Dick, voice-over:
Unless they repair the chimney,
they won't be able to use
the wood burner.
So someone's going to have to go
all the way up there and fix it.
Billy: It's probably about
20 meters, something like that,
so it's quite high up.
When you're up there,
you're like...
Ha ha.
Fortunately he's got
just the piece of kit for it.
Billy: We bought
a cherry pick car.
It goes about 22 meters.
It's not a new machine.
It's quite old, and hopefully
we have no problems
or we don't fall off the thing.
Dick, voice-over:
But they haven't so much
as switched it on since
buying it several weeks ago.
Michael: All right, so how
do we get this thing going?
Billy: Um...
this is the main switch
to turn it on,
and this is the ignition.
Completely stopped.
It's supposed to start.
Do you want to jump up
on top of the thing
and make sure the red switch--
Look, because look.
Basically it's like that
sometimes.
You have to twist it
so it's up like that.
Michael: And there's one
over on that--
Billy: There's one on that.
So jump up on top of it
and just check it.
Michael: Right, ok.
It's not working!
Billy: Yeah? Uh...
Michael: Did you know it even
worked when you bought it?
Billy: No, it worked
when we bought it,
but, uh...
[Beeping]
It's, uh...
Michael:
That doesn't sound right.
It means, uh...
I don't know what it means.
We'll have to look
in the manual, I think.
Dick, voice-over: If Billy
can't get up to fix the chimney,
there might be some
cold nights ahead for them all.
[Beeping]
It's not small task
trying to heat a chateau.
Especially where we live
in northwestern France.
Winter here
can be bone chilling,
often dipping to minus 10.
It gets so cold sometimes
even our moat freezes over.
It's not exactly warm in here.
It will be soon.
Dick, voice-over:
In the beginning,
it was a constant battle
to heat our home.
Angel: We could not
heat this house
in a way that would make
my mom and dad happy.
So our life
in January and February
revolved around
heating this house.
We would get up,
5 a.m. in the morning,
turn the heating on
to heat this room
so the kids would wake up
not freezing.
Said he'd run downstairs
and get the heating on
for the dining room
so we would have breakfast
in the heat.
And it kind of went round,
back again, and up.
The whole house was on/off
to make sure
that we had only heat
in one room for that time
because you can imagine trying
to heat the whole house.
Would have been mental
and a lot of money.
Not sustainable.
Dick, voice-over: Heating
all our rooms continuously
could cost over £500 a week.
Sometimes a chateau really
can feel like a money pit.
100 miles south
at Chateau Bois Giraud,
Marian and her husband John
have just splashed out
nearly £500
in having hundreds of flies
removed.
Marian, from Oxfordshire,
runs this place
as a luxurious holiday gite
with her two sisters,
Tanya and Katherine.
Tanya: I wouldn't say
it's profitable,
but it covers its costs
which is what we need it to do.
Dick, voice-over:
Nestled in the Loire Valley,
and set on 20 acres
of rural park land,
this gorgeous
19th-century chateau
has 9 bedrooms, 11 bathrooms,
a swimming pool,
and even a gym.
Tanya: My children really adore
going there,
and it is great for
family get-togethers.
We really enjoy it,
and that's kind of where we get
our satisfaction and pleasure,
from that side, you know,
from the family point of view.
Dick, voice-over: Every year,
the sisters make the trip
over from the U.K.
to get it ready
for another holiday season.
This morning, big sister Tanya
and her family arrived.
Today an engineer's
come to fix the lift.
Katherine: Bonjour!
My French isn't good.
Marian: My French is worse.
Dick, voice-over: Fortunately
their managing agent, Isabel,
is on hand to translate.
Marian:
Ok, so could you ask him
if there's still
the same problem
that there was last time
with the lift?
Isabel: The problem last time,
is it still---
Marian: In French.
Isabel: Oh!
Marian: Ha ha!
Marian: I remember he said
there was a click, click sound
which Tanya and I,
we're not worried about.
Isabel: [Speaking French]
Marian:
But we think it's fine,
but just to check.
[Speaking French]
Marian: I hope it's ok.
And so just to confirm,
today he is going to put alarms,
loud ones, on each floor.
Man: Oui.
Marian: Perfect.
Merci beaucoup.
Brilliant English.
Thank you.
Dick, voice-over: Whilst
the engineer gets to work,
Marian and Tanya realize
they don't have any means
to pay him for the job.
Marian: We're off to the bank.
We need to go now.
Tanya: Yep. We're late.
Marian: We're late.
Tanya: To get to the bank!
Marian: Ok.
Dick, voice-over:
But before they can leave,
Marian's husband, John,
wants to talk about the issue
with the roof.
John: The...it's dangerous,
very dangerous.
Marian: All right.
I don't need him to start
messing about,
interfering.
I just don't need that.
Dick, voice-over:
And there's something else
Marian doesn't want her husband
to interfere with.
Marian: Well, at the moment,
we're waiting for the pool man
to come and open it up.
And John's had a little,
uh, would quite like
to do it himself.
But I've asked him not to
because there are occasions
when he starts interfering,
and then he creates
more problems.
And then it's just--
Ok, thank you.
Tanya: Oh, it was very good.
Marian: That was great.
Dick, voice-over:
But when Marian gets back
from the bank an hour later,
she finds John
couldn't help himself.
He's decided to tackle
the pool.
Marian: John, we employ him
to look after this pool.
John: Yeah,
the fact of the matter is,
is that I always a bit cautious
of where he stands
in the whole pool maintenance--
Marian: John, this is his pool.
It's not your pool.
He hasn't done it for 4 years!
He doesn't do anything,
does he?
That's the problem.
Yeah, look at the state
of the pool!
The whole pool is leaking.
Marian: It's not leaking!
It's filled with water!
Dick, voice-over:
I hope John and Marian
can settle their differences
as there's still
a lot more to do here.
Marian: Oh, John.
John: Yes?
Marian: Please, could you look
at the downstairs loo seat
and tell us
if it needs a new one?
Under the stairs,
just there.
Dick, voice-over: As any Brit
who started a new life
in France knows,
one of the many pleasures
of living here
is having world-famous vineyards
at your doorstep.
Dick:
Ah, bonjour, monsieur!
Je m'appelle Dick.
Angel: Je m'appelle Angel.
Man: Enchantee.
Dick, voice-over:
But for Angel and I
tasting wine isn't just about
buying new additions
for our own cellar.
Dick: We're having a private
session here to find wines,
local wines.
Dick, voice-over:
Local sommelier Patrick
is helping us put together
a new wine list
for our wedding season.
Dick: We want to be able to have
people come to the chateau
for the first time,
drink the wine, go, "Wow!"
Dick, voice-over: But as ever
when running a chateau,
it's a balance
between tasting good
and not burning too big a hole
in your pocket.
[Speaking French]
Dick, voice-over:
With more than 4,000 vineyards
in the Loire Valley alone,
the choices are
a little overwhelming.
Dick: Um...
Dick, voice-over: And to
complicate matters further,
the wines on our list
need to compliment
all different varieties of food.
Angel: No. No, no, no.
We need a bon--bon vin...
good, good--
We just need good wine
that can go with everything.
Dick: The scallops.
Dick, voice-over: The best wines
carry the prestigious
A.O.C. certificate,
guaranteeing their origin
and quality.
Patrick:
[Speaking French]
Dick: Ok.
Angel:
Should we, like, get some...
Dick: Yes, we have to.
Angel: And then, um,
and try them?
Dick: We could get so pickled
this afternoon.
Angel: Mmm...
Dick: Ok.
Dick: [Speaking French]
Patrick: [Slurping]
Dick: [Slurping]
Angel: I just can't do that.
Dick: You have to.
It lets the air into your mouth.
Got to go...
[Slurps]
Suck the air into it.
You have to.
[Slurps]
Angel: I've got a brace
at the back of my teeth,
you know that.
God, I can't do it.
Dick: Of course you can do it.
Angel: I can't!
Dick: [Laughing]
Angel: Not really into wine
that much.
I understand the theory
behind it,
I just don't love it
the same way that Dick does.
The wine is totally
part of the package,
and I am as equally passionate
at getting the right thing
as Dick,
but I'm not comfortable
with it at all.
[Slurps]
I just--I can't do it.
I can't do it.
Oh, maybe.
Maybe I'll practice
in front of the mirror.
[Slurps]
Dick, voice-over:
With Patrick's help,
we've definitely saved a few
pennies on our wine list today
and been persuaded into buying
a few extra bottles
to carry on our research
at home.
Dick:
Taste this, have a nap?
Angel: [Sighs]
Look after the kids,
give mom and dad a break.
Dick: No, leave the kids
to your mom and dad,
taste it, and have a nap.
Dick, voice-over:
350 miles east of here
on the other side
of the country
is another
world-famous wine region,
Burgundy.
Here a 12th-century abbey
has been lovingly restored
by English couple
Clive and Tanith Cummings
and turned into
an up-market hotel.
Tanith: We love being
out in France.
It's so peaceful,
and it's so tranquil,
and it's just...
Clive: We've got
some very good friends locally
who we socialize with.
We're part and parcel
of the local community.
Dick, voice-over:
As well as 20 rooms,
this former place of worship
boasts
a Michelin-starred restaurant.
Chef: [Speaks French]
Dick, voice-over: But they're
still not yet making a profit.
Clive: We are still
a young business.
We have a very healthy
bank loan.
It's a fair amount of money
that goes out each month.
My electricity is normally
anywhere between 3,000
and 5,000 a month.
Clive: I'd love to be
a profitable organization,
but at the moment we're not.
I don't make any money,
and so that's what
gets you sometimes.
You work so hard, and you get
to the end of the year,
and you're like, [bleep].
You know, there's nothing left,
you know.
We spent it all.
Dick, voice-over:
To keep costs down,
live and Tanith do as many jobs
around the abbey as they can.
Tanith: We can work
in most departments
apart from the kitchen.
I do void the kitchen
as much as possible
as far as helping out.
But any other department,
either of us will go in
and help
where it's necessary,
So it's very hands on, but we've
always been very hands on.
Dick, voice-over: Today
Clive is going to have to be
a bit more hands on than usual.
He's got a pond
that's suffocating
from an invasion of algae,
and this fountain
has stopped working.
Clive: It's normally
a crystal clear pond,
fresh water that flows through,
and you can see the fish
beautifully.
And as you can see,
it's a bit of an eyesore now.
Dick, voice-over:
Too much algae
can suck out the oxygen
from the pond,
which could be devastating
for the 12 koi carp Clive keeps.
Clive: It's a job that I want
to get done pretty quick.
Don't want me fish to die.
That's the problem.
Dick, voice-over:
Once he's satisfied
he's got enough alga out,
Clive can move on
to the next problem.
His fountain's broken, and he
needs to fit a new pump.
But to do that, he needs
to lower the water level
by 3 inches.
The plug for the pond
is at the bottom,
which is about waist deep,
and I've got to get in there
and pull the plug out
to let the water out.
I don't know how far
I can lean under,
so I don't know whether
I'm going to have to put
me shoulders in
and go for a swim.
Not a very nice day
for swimming.
It looks pretty cold in there
as well.
Dick, voice-over: But Clive's
got a big pair of waders,
so this should be
a fairly simple job.
Clive: It's normally
about a meter deep.
I think just comes up literally
to about a centimeter
of my waders,
but I've just got
a sneaky feeling
I'm going to get wet socks.
Dick, voice-over:
In you get, Clive.
Clive: You can hear it.
[Gurgling]
That's a 12th-century plug.
Ha ha!
Dick, voice-over:
But removing it
doesn't appear to have made
the slightest bit of difference.
Clive:
It's not draining away.
The water's coming back up
the aqueduct here.
It's not moving at the moment.
Dick, voice-over:
As far as I'm concerned,
getting your hands dirty
is all part and parcel
of running a chateau,
especially if it saves you
a few quid.
For me, there's
nothing more satisfying
than solving a problem without
spending any money at all.
And finding old things like this
lying around
is a godsend
for small D.I.Y. jobs,
like building a chicken coop.
Dick: This old ladder,
I wouldn't walk up it,
but the chickens
will roost on it.
Watch.
You see, what we have there.
Angel: Oh, I see, right.
Dick: When it comes time
to roost,
there's enough space for them
to spread out.
This is one of the doors
from one of the stables.
It feels like
it's made of hardwood.
Dick, voice-over:
And what could be better
than upsiding a stable door
to keep the hens in
and Mr. Fox out?
Dick: And what I'm doing is
making a little area here
so that when we open this door
and come in,
the chickens will all
go straight out the door,
which is quite important
because 12 acres is quite
a lot of spaces to lose them.
Dick, voice-over:
But if you're really savvy
with your renovation,
you can even make
a few bob, too.
How are you?
Dick, voice-over:
We've had to remove
50 meters of old lead piping
that was used
for the chateau's original
19th-century plumbing system.
If this is all lead,
it can all go.
Dick, voice-over: Most homes
had lead water pipes
until the 1970s,
when it was discovered just
how dangerous they could be
to the water supply.
They'd been banned in France
for more than 20 years,
So I'm not sorry
to see this lot go.
Dick:
As far as we're concerned,
this is the last vestiges
of the old system.
It's going.
Man:
So all the lead disappears.
Dick: And there's probably
enough lead in here
to pay for about
3, couple pipes.
Dick, voice-over:
There's no way this stuff
is going to be skipped.
A kilo of lead piping
can fetch up to two pounds
when it's sold as scrap.
And we've removed hundreds
of kilos from our place.
Quite a lot of scrap here.
It's worth money.
Might be able to pay you
this time.
Man: Ha ha!
Dick, voice-over: Back at
Chateau de la Basmaignee
in the Pays de La Loire,
Billy and Michael
are trying to save money
by doing all
the restoration work themselves,
even those jobs that require
a serious head for heights.
But at the moment,
they can't even get the
cherry picker up and running.
Billy paid 6 grand for it
second hand.
Luckily, it came with
an instruction manual.
Billy: Oh, there it is.
Let's have a look at it.
Why, it's only in French.
Ha ha!
Do you read French?
Michael: Oh, a little bit.
Billy: [Reading French]
I don't know
what that word is.
Michael: Shall we get Gwendoline
to help us?
Billy:
Uh, I think we'll manage.
We'll try--You won't learn
if you keep asking Gwendoline.
Dick, voice-over:
If you ask me,
the battery is flat
as the cherry picker's
been sitting idle,
but Billy's got other ideas.
It could be a little bit empty
on diesel.
Michael: Ok.
Have you ever filled it up?
Billy:
I've never filled it up.
Michael: Well,
maybe that's what it is then.
So shall we go and get
some diesel?
Billy: I think we should
try that, yes.
Try a bit of diesel.
Ah!
Michael:
If this doesn't work,
we have no idea
what's wrong with it.
So we might be 6 grand
down the drain.
Right. Start her up then.
[Beeping]
Billy: Well, that's great,
isn't it?
It still doesn't want to start.
Dick, voice-over: That sounds
like a dead battery to me.
Michael: How long does it take
to charge a battery?
Billy: I don't know.
Michael: Hours?
Billy: Couple.
Michael: Days?
Billy: Couple of hours.
Says it's charging.
Which means it hasn't got
a lot of power in it.
That might do the job.
Because usually
it won't charge
if it knows
it's got enough power in it.
Probably.
Let's sort of leave it to it
and come back to it, I think.
Michael: Ok.
Billy: Yeah.
Michael: Try it again
in a few hours.
Billy:
Yeah, all right, then.
have a lot invested
in this chateau.
They bought it
for 1,000,050 euros...
with a large mortgage
and with the help
of an inheritance
from Gwendoline's late mother.
Gwendoline:
You can see my mom here
when she was a young girl,
and then there with me.
There's a drawing of her
that Michael did here.
And I've got her here as well.
Dick, voice-over:
It's just two years
since Gwendoline's mother died.
Gwendoline: Losing my mum
obviously wasn't easy,
and it's still not easy,
but, um...well, yeah,
I wanted to build something
with what she left me.
I know she would have loved
this place with the forest.
My mum used to love nature,
everything that was green.
Going out for walks,
and actually when we came
to visit this place,
we had a walk in the forest.
I could see my mum there,
and I--I knew
she would have loved it.
Achieving what
we are trying to do here
in a way is also for my mum
because she...she allowed us
to do this,
so we owe it to her
to make it work.
Dick, voice-over: When they
found this magnificent place
for sale last year,
they had no idea of the history
that lay within its walls.
The chateau was named
after the Basmaignee family,
who some 300 years ago
were royal advisors
to King Louis XIV.
Gwendoline: This over here
is supposed to be
Madame du Basmaignee,
who gave her name basically.
Basmaignee was a family name,
the family who built
the chateau.
And it's supposed to be
Madame du Basmaignee
going hunting on her horse.
Dick, voice-over:
Madame du Basmaignee
was the last member of the
family to inhabit the chateau
before it was sold following
the French Revolution.
Since then,
it's had dozens of owners,
some more careful than others.
Gwendoline:
The funny thing here
is that you can see that some
of the paneling is missing.
And actually we were told
that the previous, previous,
previous owners
weren't paying their bills
anymore or anything,
so the house and its contents
were sold in auction.
So people came and bought
everything that as in the house,
and apparently some people
bought the paneling
from the walls.
Michael: Because they liked it,
I suppose.
Gwendoline:
So they just ripped it off.
Michael:
I think it's stage by stage.
You get around to doing
all these--
Gwendoline: Yeah,
we're not expecting
all of it to be done
in a year or two.
- We know it's going to take--
- No miracles.
- Yeah.
- But it will get done.
Dick, voice-over: Having left
the cherry picker on charge
for a few hours,
it's time for Billy and Michael
to see if it's working
so they can finally
get up on the roof
and fix the chimney.
Billy: This is the last resort,
really.
We've done
so many things to it
that I don't know what else
could be wrong with it.
So fingers crossed.
I mean, if it doesn't start,
I don't know what
we're going to do, so...
hopefully it works.
Uh, there's
an ignition button.
It's the small black button.
Michael: With a...
Billy: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[Beeping]
Billy: Push it.
[Engine starts]
Michael: It works!
That's brilliant!
Really works!
Dick, voice-over:
Fixing the cherry picker,
that's the easy part.
The real work
is still to come.
In the Loire Valley,
sisters Marian and Tanya,
along with their families,
are preparing their chateau
for the first guests
of the season
who arrive in 48 hours' time.
Well, I brought
this list to do.
Dick, voice-over: The sisters
are catching up with paperwork
while Marian's husband, John,
is seeing to the toilets.
Tanya: Ha ha!
Marian: Would you be willing
to go and get another loo seat?
John: I'll get one
if you want me to, yes.
Marian:
That would be fantastic.
Please, could you go and get
another loo seat.
Thank you, John.
Tanya: Ha ha!
I don't think he's too happy
at all about doing that!
Marian: Do you think it's worth
us getting two loo seats?
Marian: Uh, John?
John: Yes!
Marian: Why don't you take
that loo seat
because all loo seats
are slightly different sizes.
Yeah?
John: Um, all loo seats
are different sizes?
Marian: Oh, we're constantly
having problems?
John, just take it anyway!
You girls will be alone
without a loo seat.
Tanya: Ha ha!
Marian: Anyway,
just get it right, get it right.
Dick, voice-over:
30 minutes later,
John and his sons
Ben and Dan
are on the prowl
for a replacement.
John: 38 euros.
40 euros.
34 euros.
40 euros.
Ben: I want a tiger one.
It's quite good, isn't it,
but...
Yeah, no, it's quite off
putting, isn't it really?
It's a bit of a tough one
actually.
Ben:
That's really picky is...
Dick, voice-over:
John makes his choice,
but just as he's leaving,
one loo seat stands out
from all the rest.
John: Well,
that is quite clever.
Well, I'll have a bit of fun.
Dick, voice-over:
For John's sake,
I hope Marian's as impressed
with the novelty loo seat
as he seems to be.
John: Merci beaucoup.
Woman: Au revoir.
John: Bon jour. Au revoir.
Adieu.
Come on.
Dick, voice-over:
His wife, Marian,
and sister-in-law Tanya
were convinced
loo seats came in all shapes
and sizes.
Turns out they were wrong.
John:
Here you are, girls.
Marian: Oh, what have
you got there, John?
John: Two loo seats.
Tanya: Ha ha!
John: They are all the same.
They are universal.
I've got you
a nice wooden one.
And I've got this other one,
but it says E = MC squared
on top of it.
But they strike out the M
and they put W.
E = WC squared.
Tanya: Oh, what does the E
stand for?
Marian: Energy.
John: Energy.
Tanya: No,
but in the new equation.
John:
Are you happy with that?
Marian: We're happy with that,
John. Let's go!
Tanya: Come on,
king of the loo seats.
Dick, voice-over:
But once it's been fitted,
it seems the sisters
aren't too happy
with the wooden one either.
I think white
would have been better.
Hate to say it,
but it's a white room
with white--white tile.
Anyway, there's no wood.
John: Righty loosey.
Marian: I think it's better
than the E=M--
WC squared or whatever.
John:
Well, you said get two, right?
Tanya: Of course we meant
two...[indistinct]
John: [Indistinct]
I have to say, you know what,
it doesn't matter what I do,
it's going to be wrong.
Damned if you do,
damned if you don't.
All right!
Marian: Well done, John.
Tanya: Well done, John.
John: [Indistinct]
I'm going to have a beer.
Tanya: Go have a beer.
John: All right.
Dick, voice-over:
He deserves one.
But he can't go too mad.
The first guests arrive
in less than 48 hours.
So everyone will need
their wits about them
if they're going to get
this place ready on time.
400 miles east
at Abbaye de la Bussiere
Clive needs to lower
the pond level
to fit a new pump
to the fountain.
But despite finally
plucking up the courage
to get into the pond,
pulling the plug
doesn't appear to have made
a great deal of difference.
Clive: It's not draining away.
The pipe from the plug
goes down into an aqueduct,
and the aqueduct
then runs into another aqueduct.
It's not moving at all.
Dick, voice-over:
Beneath the abbey,
a network
of 12th-century aqueducts
carry water around the estate.
The pond water is supposed to
drain out into the system, too.
Clive: The problem is monks
didn't leave me any plans.
And so I don't know
where it runs...
unless I go down
into the aqueduct myself
and have a look.
Right, let's have a look.
So this aqueduct,
this runs from the river Ouche
at the back of the building.
It comes all under reception,
under the patio,
and then right down
to the lake.
Dick, voice-over: Clive suspects
a blockage somewhere
is stopping the pond
from draining out.
And there's only one way
to find out for sure.
Clive: Let's go caving.
Oh!
See you later.
Tanith: Do you see anything?
Clive: Yes!
Want to come down
and have a look?
Tanith: No, thanks. Ha ha!
There's a plug.
We've got a pipe
on the left.
There's nothing up there.
Nothing at all
as far as I can see.
This takes me back to
my old caving days, this does.
Time to get out.
Time for plan B.
Dick, voice-over:
Unfortunately for Clive,
plan B means he's going to have
to get back into the pond.
And now I'm back
to square one again.
Dick, voice-over: Back at
Chateau de la Basmaignee,
Billy's got the cherry picker
up and running.
[Engine running]
But before venturing
onto the roof
to fix the chimney,
he needs a safety harness.
Billy: One leg
goes through there.
Dick, voice-over:
And squeezing into it
is proving to be
another unexpected challenge.
Billy:
Oh, that's a bit tight.
I feel like
I'm in "Fifty Shades of Gray."
Ha ha!
Michael: All strapped up.
Billy: I'm all strapped up.
Michael: Right, good luck.
See you later.
Dick, voice-over:
The cherry picker
will need to be
at its full stretch of 22 meters
for Billy to reach the chimney.
Billy: It's pretty high up,
yeah,
so I'm not looking forward
to it.
Ha ha.
Michael:
I think he'll be fine.
He's, uh, he's quite good
at this sort of thing.
I'm absolutely terrified.
Michael: How's the view
up there, Billy?
I can see England from here!
Dick, voice-over:
A quick inspection
reveals the chimney
is riddled with holes
where the 200-year-old mortar
has worn away.
Billy: If you look
at the size of the gap,
I mean, I can put my hand
in it.
So it's a big old gap.
That's where all the smoke's
coming out.
Just don't look down.
Ha ha!
Dick, voice-over: Filling joints
in masonry with mortar like this
is called pointing.
I've never done this before...
so...it should be all right.
Ha ha!
Going up about 20 meters
and whacking a bit of cement
in a hole,
it's not...it's not
the sort of thing you imagine
when you buy a chateau,
but, ha ha,
but you've got--
you've got to do these things.
This beats a 9:00 to 5:00 job
back in England, it does.
Gwendoline: Bit scary, but as
long as he's confident up there
it's all right.
I wouldn't do it myself,
though.
Dick, voice-over:
Nice pointing, Billy.
After nearly two hours
on the roof,
he's just about done.
Michael: Have you managed
to finish it then?
Billy: Yeah, it's all done!
Michael: Oh, brilliant!
Hold on. Let's go down.
[Cherry picker thuds]
Oh, I don't like that noise,
do you?
Michael: Well done, Billy!
Gwendoline: Yay!
Michael: You're braver than us!
Billy: I am.
You're not tough.
Dick, voice-over:
All that's left to do now
is test Bill's pointing
by lighting the wood burner.
Gwendoline: It's working!
Billy: Yeah, the smoke's
coming out of the chimney.
Gwendoline:
Yeah, well done, guys.
Dick, voice-over: It's worked.
Gwendoline, Billy, and Michael
can heat the chateau for free.
But the work doesn't stop here.
There's still lots to do
before they're ready to welcome
their first guest.
Gwendoline:
They're coming in 3 weeks
in this house
where we live at the moment,
so we need to get out of here
and get it ready.
We've got to move in
in 3 weeks,
so, uh, there's a lot to do.
Dick, voice-over:
In Burgundy,
Abbaye de la Bussiere
is a high-end luxury hotel
that welcomes guests
from all over the world.
So a blocked pond
and a broken fountain
simply won't do.
Clive: Ha ha!
Dick, voice-over: Having failed
to find the mystery blockage
in the 12th-century drains,
British owner Clive
is going to tackle it
from the pond side instead.
Clive: Got a jet wash gun.
I'm hoping that
this instrument here,
the pipe head,
which you attach onto here,
the pipe head
is going to clear off.
So that's what we're hoping.
Dick, voice-over:
It means Clive will have
to get back in the pond,
and the hotel's
general manager Michael
has come along
for moral support.
Oh! I just got a wet groin.
Ha ha! It's cold!
Dick, voice-over: But just when
he seems to be making headway...
[Pump stops]
Michael:
Oh, tripped itself off.
Clive: How is it?
Ha ha.
So we might have fused
the whole abbey.
Ha ha!
Two different plugs
it's not working on.
Michael: [Speaking French]
Dick, voice-over: So now plan B
is out the window,
it's time to improvise.
Michael:
If plan C doesn't work,
you start plan D, E, F, and G.
And eventually you'll get there.
Dick, voice-over: Plan C is
a good old-fashioned drain rod.
He says, what did you do
this afternoon?
I spent my afternoon rodding.
Ha ha!
Can you hear that?
[Gurgling]
Cracked it.
There must be calcium.
Dick, voice-over:
Using the rods,
Clive's managed to dislodge
a build-up of calcium
or lime scale in the pipes
about 4 meters between the pond
and the aqueduct.
Clive: My wife's got me
on a detox.
I reckon I deserve
a good glass of wine.
Dick, voice-over:
Blockage removed,
finally the water
begins to drain away.
Clive: If you want
the comfortable life,
don't buy an abbey.
Ha ha!
Dick, voice-over:
An hour later,
the water level has dropped
enough to fit the new pump.
So it's back into the pond
one last time.
Clive: Fuse number 19.
[Click]
There we go.
Let's hope we haven't
electrified the fish. Ha!
Hey!
I knew we'd get there.
Doesn't that look good?
That's my mini Geneva.
It's quite powerful.
Good.
Dick, voice-over:
It's a good thing
Clive got the fountain fixed,
because tomorrow
some very special guests
are due to arrive.
Tanith: They're flying in
by helicopter,
which is going to be
an amazing start.
He wants to propose
to his girlfriend.
So the best thing
probably that we can do
is just sort of make it
as special as possible.
So that's the plan.
Dick, voice-over: 400 miles away
in the Loire Valley,
it's the final day getting
the 9 bedroom holiday gite
Chateau du Bois Giraud
set up for the holiday season.
And sisters Marian and Tanya
need to get
the whole place tidied
before the team of local carpet
cleaners arrive in an hour.
Ben:
I've done enough chores!
Marian: A harlequin game.
Dick, voice-over:
One of Marian's last jobs
is to check on
the chateau's cellar.
She wants to check
that weeds aren't growing
in the only available patch
of sunlight down there.
Marian:
It gets things growing
up and through the grate.
And then they grow up there,
and that turns into
a bit of a jungle.
But actually the weed killer
from last year
it looks like
it's done its thing.
Dick, voice-over:
These cold cellars
would have been used
for food storage
in the days before fridges
and freezers.
Marian:
So these, they're apple juice.
We were just obviously
feeling brave.
And then we all tried it,
and we're all still alive.
These are just empty bottles.
I know,
shame they're all empty.
Supposed to hang meat
on these things.
the carpet cleaners
have arrived,
which gives Tanya a chance
to try out her French
before she leaves.
Tanya: Do come in!
Bed.
[Indistinct chatter, laughter]
Woman: [Speaking French]
Tanya: Ha ha! Again.
I speak no French.
They speak
a tiny bit of English.
But we just resorted
to sign language and noises,
and that worked really well
actually.
Dick, voice-over:
The chateau's 9 bedrooms
all need to be done in time
for the first paying guests
who arrive tomorrow.
Tanya: It's not grand
having the carpet cleaners
in the day before
because it needs 24 hours
for the carpets to dry.
So it's going to be a rush today
to get everything in.
Dick, voice-over:
And it's not her lucky day
as there's a problem with
the carpet-cleaning machine.
Tanya: It's not working.
We're already
very, very short of time,
and we really don't have time
for a carpet cleaner
that doesn't want
to do its job,
so we need this
like a hole in the head.
Now the boss for
the cleaning company,
for the carpet cleaner,
has arrived,
come and had a look at it,
so I'm hopeful
that he can get it going.
Let's hope the carpet cleaner
listens to him
and does as it's told.
[Blows]
[Electrical buzz]
Dick, voice-over:
Outside the pool's hose
has been left on overnight,
and it's finally full
of clean water.
And Marian, John, and the kids
are all set to leave.
Marian: I couldn't get my...
[indistinct]
Dick, voice-over: Almost.
Marian: Where's my little
day pack gone?
Dick, voice-over: They won't be
back until September.
Tanya: Bye, John!
John: See you later!
Tanya:
Thanks for all your help.
Thanks for your toilet seat.
Dick, voice-over:
Which means the last few jobs
are left for Tanya.
Tanya: See you! Bye!
Have a good trip!
Dick, voice-over: Back inside
there's some good news.
Tanya: Oh, that's great.
Thank you. Thank you.
Lovely.
It seemed like
some sort of blockage.
Dick, voice-over: With the
carpet cleaner back in the game,
Tanya can do a task
she always puts off
to the end of her visit.
Tanya: Oh, let's see
what the flies are like.
Dick, voice-over: One of
the chateau's own suites
seems to be a favorite residence
for these little beasties.
Well,
there are a few in there.
Dick, voice-over:
From bitter experience,
we know every chateau has flies,
and anyone who says they don't
is telling porkies.
Tanya: Just running some hot,
hope for the best.
That isn't going down
properly...or very slowly.
But I'm going to have to
dismantle under here,
and that will probably
put flies in it.
Let's see what we've got.
It's not really very nice.
So owning a chateau
isn't glamorous.
Ha! Anyone who thinks it is
is delusional.
Dick, voice-over: Yeah, but
what a wonderful place to live.
Tanya: So that sorts
done for now in here.
Dick, voice-over: Tanya's got
to leave in less than an hour
to make her ferry.
So it's a good thing
the carpet cleaners
have finished their business.
Tanya: It's come out, I'd say,
almost as good as new.
Woman: Is good?
Tanya: It's very good.
Thank you.
Dick, voice-over:
And after a few last jobs...
some simpler than others.
Tanya: Heating.
SO now I just press
the circuit button.
Dick, voice-over:
Chateau du Bois Giraud
is finally ready,
just about on time.
It is hard and it's stressful
getting out,
but it's all done.
Dick, voice-over:
When the guests arrive tomorrow
to enjoy
this magnificent chateau,
they'll never even know Tanya,
her sister, and their families
had ever been here.
Next time, Gwen, Billy,
and Michael
race to get the chateau ready
to move into.
This stuff absolutely stinks.
Dick, voice-over:
But Michael goes AWOL.
Gwendoline: Michael!
Michael!
Michael!
Dick, voice-over: Clive and
Tanith find playing cupid...
He wants to propose
to his girlfriend,
so he's asked us to help him.
Dick, voice-over:
...is easier said than done.
Clive:
I need to very discreetly
get the gentleman on his own,
just a case of loitering
with intent.
Dick, voice-over:
Things fall apart
for a novice builder.
Man: Ok, gently let her down.
[Crash]
Different man: Oh!
Dick, voice-over:
And whilst bargain hunting
at a brocante...
Angel: Oh, I love it!
Dick: It's so wrong.
Dick, voice-over:
...Angel finds it hard
to stay focused.
Dick: What do you fancy?
Angel: You.
Dick: You're so full of it.
Come on.