Empty Nest (1988–1995): Season 7, Episode 9 - Would You Believe... - full transcript
Ahoy, captain daddy!
What do you think?
I think if a sailor
comes down those stairs
wearing your dress,
you're in a lot of trouble.
Silly daddy.
All the moms
from the quality time club
are toting their tots
Disney world for an overnight.
So I got Scotty and me
matching outfits.
Are you sure you won't join us?
They have this in your size.
No, they don't.
Harry, I gotta talk to you.
Hey, Carol's copyin' me.
- I am not.
- Are too.
- Am not!
- Are too!
- Buh-duh-buh!
Please.
Charley, come on,
what's on your mind?
- It's not my mind, Harry.
It's my heart.
I met the woman of my dreams.
Harry, I'm smut.
True.
But I think the word
you're looking for is smitten.
Whatever.
Her name's Rebecca
and we met on the ship,
and we did something I've
never done with a woman before.
Wait a minute.
We talked.
Sat on the deck under the stars
and talked for hours.
She said she'd
done it before, but...
It was my first time.
Charley, this is so unlike you.
This is one high-class babe.
Harry, can I invite her
over for dinner?
I really want to impress her.
Good move, Charley.
Dazzle her with
your freeloading skills.
Takes one to know one,
miss "still lives
at home with daddy."
And I know you copied me.
- I did not!
- Will you please?
The both of you,
just stop, all right?
Charley, wouldn't it be better
to take her
to a nice restaurant?
Well, I figured if she meets
my refined,
sophisticated friends,
she'll think I'm like that too.
Ha!
I'm glad I won't be here.
I'll be at the happiest
place on earth.
If this dinner works, so will I.
♪ Life goes on
♪ and so do we
♪ just how we do it
♪ is no mystery
♪ one by one
♪ we fill the days
Watch Movies, Series & LiveTV
www.flixify.app
♪ I'm always here
♪ for anything you need...
♪ ...rain or shine
♪ I'll be the one
♪ to share it all
♪ as life goes on
♪ we share it all
♪ as life goes on
Yeah, he's rugged and strong
and quiet and...
I just start to tingle whenever
I stand next to him.
But all good things
must come to an end,
so I've decided to sell him.
Now, the ad must say,
"new tires, new brakes,
runs excellent."
And spell that "x-l-n-t."
Every penny counts.
Especially on my salary.
Thank you.
Laverne, I can't believe
you're selling your truck.
You would if you saw
the hot little ragtop
I just put a deposit on.
We are talkin' deluxe sporty.
So, um, how much
you asking for your truck?
Well, I don't know why
you'd want to know,
unless, of course,
you was interested
in buying the vehicle,
which is academic,
because they ain't no way
I would ever sell
a used car to a friend.
Would you sell it to me?
That's worse.
Come on, Laverne.
Always wanted a truck,
and never gonna find one
that's been better cared for
than yours.
All right, doctor,
I'll think about it.
But first, let's take it
on a test drive.
Laverne, that's not necessary.
I know the truck drives fine.
It ain't the truck
I'm testin', doctor.
Combed my hair.
Brushed my teeth.
My god.
My face got all fat.
- Give me that.
You're scaring the bowl.
Harry, I just
thought of something.
We need a code word.
A code word?
Well, in case I forget
my manners in front of Rebecca.
I know, if I do
something uncouth,
you say...
Snickerdoodle.
And how am I supposed
to work that
into a conversation?
I don't know.
"Anybody seen
my snickerdoodle?"
Hey, hey, hey,
I got an emergency here.
What's the matter?
It's your garbage disposal.
It's clogged with schmutz.
Let me take a look here.
Puh! Now, that's schmutz,
all right.
Let me see if
I can do something.
Charley, hand me
that broom, will you?
Cool.
This is like the operating room,
and I'm your nurse.
Will you stop that?
- That's Rebecca.
Isn't she great?
Yutz, let her in
before her arm falls off.
- Hi, Charley.
- Hi, hi.
Rebecca kimball,
this is Sophia petrillo.
Sophia petrillo,
this is Rebecca kimball.
Rebecca kimball,
this is Harry Weston.
Harry Weston,
this is Rebecca kimball.
And now it's time to play
you bet your life.
Sophia, that was
the best Italian food
I've had in years.
That's not true.
It's the best Italian food
you've had in your life.
Dreyf, dreyf, stop that.
It's okay.
I love this guy.
What is he?
A dog.
And what a pretty dog you are.
You know, Charley,
if I had neighbors like this,
I don't think I'd ever go home.
Well, I don't like to impose.
Yeah, and I don't need
a phone book to drive.
So, Rebecca,
we've spent all this time
talking about us.
What about you?
What... line of work are you in?
Actually, I'm a little
reluctant to say.
Sometimes it makes people
uncomfortable.
She's a hooker!
Sophia!
Rebecca, whatever you do
could never make me
uncomfortable.
Thanks, Charley.
I'm a minister.
No kidding?
A minster.
Well...
That's just what I was
gonna guess.
Excuse me.
Harry, shouldn't we
check on the snickerdoodles?
Um, please.
Ex-excuse us.
So sorry.
Harry, what am I gonna do?
I'm with a holy chick.
Charley, just relax.
But she spends Sunday morning
in church!
To me, Sunday morning
is just like...
Really late Saturday night.
Charley, come on.
Ministers are people too.
I mean, they can date.
They can have relationships.
I mean, they do everything
that we do.
Well, that I do.
What if I screw up?
She's so good, and I'm...
Well, how can I put this
in religious terms?
The anti-good.
Charley, come on, look.
She likes you.
I don't understand that.
But she does.
So come on,
just go and be yourself.
- Right, gotcha.
- Okay.
Be myself.
So we probably should give
the extra snickerdoodles
to the orphanage.
You know what sister Mary says:
"Sharing is good.
Amen."
So, Rebecca,
where is your church?
It's on the corner
of citrus and canal.
Is that your church?
I... I... I pass it every day
on my way to work.
Well, stop in sometime.
Have a prayer on me.
I know where that is.
Hey, who comes up with
all those catchy sayings
on your sign?
A bunch of guys.
Matthew, Mark, Luke, John.
The Beatles?
Anyway, it's
a great congregation.
We do a lot of work
in the community.
That reminds me,
I've got an early morning.
We're staring our annual
clothing drive.
I'll walk you to your car.
Well, it was lovely to meet you,
and I hope wet was
see you again sometime.
I hope so.
Well, good night, all.
Thanks for a lovely evening.
Hey, did you see this one?
Here's the church...
Here's the steeple...
Open the doors and...
Hey, where's all the people?
Must be super bowl Sunday.
Heh.
- Harry!
Somebody stole my truck.
What? Are you sure?
Wait a minute,
have you looked everywhere?
Well...
I haven't checked
the men's room.
Of course
I've looked everywhere.
Damn, I can't believe it.
I only had it two days.
Boy, Laverne's gonna kill you.
Why? It's my truck.
It was locked.
I didn't do anything wrong.
No, you didn't,
and Laverne's gonna kill you.
Sorry to duck out on you
like that, doctor,
but I noticed the truck
was pingin'
so I run it down to
the auto supply
and got you a spark plug gapper.
You took my truck?
Yep. Readjusted
the spacin' for you
right there in the parkin' lot...
No charge.
Laverne...
When I drove my truck in
this morning,
which is what I like to call it,
since I wrote you
that big, fat check,
I didn't notice any pinging.
Doctor, believe me,
I performed a valuable
adjustment on that engine.
Now, you wouldn't want to be
goin' down the road
and have your fuel injectors
clunk out, would you?
Well, no, I wouldn't.
You don't have fuel injectors.
You got dual carbs.
Ain't you read the manual?
Laverne, would you like me
to sell the truck back to you?
Don't be silly, doctor.
It's your truck.
Although I personally
would not park it
under them Georgia pines
on account of bird droppin's
and the occasional splat of sap.
Laverne, it's a truck.
It's a big, metal machine.
It gets you from point "a"
to point "b"!
That's it.
Not to me.
I worked on that truck.
I laughed in that truck.
I cried in that truck.
Couple of times I even...
Okay. You're right.
From this point forward,
I am officially disengagin'
myself from that truck,
mentally and emotionally.
Good.
Um, there's
just one little thing
about the truck, doctor.
Um, this Saturday's
his birthday.
Heh heh, whoa...
This is gettin' scary.
Hey, I'm not askin'
to come to the party.
Thou shalt not
sand against the grain.
- Harry!
- Hi.
I brought you some stuff
for your clothing drive.
- Well, thank you.
Every little bit helps.
Besides, you wouldn't believe
how much money
we find in the pockets.
Heh, $1.33.
I already went through them.
Here, come here.
Let me give you a hand.
Thanks.
Actually, you know,
I'm glad you came by.
I want to talk to you
about Charley.
I think he has
a little crush on me.
- I don't know.
- Maybe a little.
I didn't mean to mislead him.
When I met Charley,
thought he could use a friend.
He seemed like such a lost soul.
Yeah, well, Charley,
he's kind of...
Harry, I know who Charley is.
On the cruise, I asked him
if he believed in god.
He said he would
if he ever woke up
next to christie Brinkley.
Sounds like Charley,
but remember,
he didn't know you were
a minister.
Harry, that's sweet,
standing up for your friend.
- Yeah, well...
That's what friends do.
Well, Charley has
great taste in people.
I'm really glad I met you.
Me too.
I mean, how often does a guy
get a chance
to sand a pew, you know?
Harry...
You're sanding my hand.
- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.
I'm... i'm... you know, I...
You probably need that to...
To bless with.
Yeah, well, I really
should get to choir practice.
Well, then, I should probably
give you your hand back.
Right.
Ahem.
- Well...
Do you want to get coffee later?
- Um, yeah, I'd...
I'd like that.
Great.
Well, I really should go, or...
They'll start choir practice
without me.
Well...
Harry...
Um, I never thanked you
for the clothes.
It's nothing.
♪ Hallelujah
♪ hallelujah
♪ hallelujah, hallelujah
♪ hall-e-lujah
♪ hallelujah...
Carol?
I need some advice.
Did I hear correctly?
Me? Advice?
That the day has dawned
when you,
the wisest daddy I know,
would come to me for counsel.
I am truly humbled.
- It'll keep.
It's not a big problem.
- No, no.
Stop right there.
If it is advice you seek,
seek no further.
Remember, daddy:
Problems are my life.
- This is true.
Um...
Well, it's... it's about
Charley's friend Rebecca.
I have a terrible confession.
It's...
We went out for coffee.
So?
So? So I went out
on a date with Rebecca.
How could I do this to Charley?
Well, is she interested in him?
Well... no.
Daddy, please.
With Charley's attention span,
he's probably forgotten
about her already.
Hey, Harry, look at the gift
I got for Rebecca.
Just when you think you've
got the boob figured out.
Look, it's a religious gift.
Charley, sit down, please.
Please.
Charley, you know how, um,
you know, sometimes you...
You find a woman
very attractive,
and she likes you, but...
She doesn't have any
romantic feelings for you?
Harry, say no more.
I have the answer to your pain.
Suzy Kramer.
She'll do it with anybody.
- No, no, no, no, no.
Cha-Charley, um...
Yesterday, I saw Rebecca.
Where?
At the church.
I-I brought some stuff by
for her, you know,
clothing drive.
You're a good man, Harry.
You know, you and Rebecca
are probably
the two best people I know.
Thanks, Charley.
Um... look, I-I don't know
any other way to put this.
But... Rebecca doesn't have
romantic feelings for you.
- What?
Well, how would you know?
Well, you know, we were talking,
and, naturally,
your name came up.
Did you say I was an idiot?
No, we just talked about you.
That's that same thing.
Well, this is just great.
What else did you talk about?
You know,
sanding and clothing and...
I don't know, lots of stuff.
We just sort of...
Hit it off.
Hey, what are you doing
hitting it off with my girl?
- Charley, she...
She's not your girl.
And she is a minister.
I mean, she prays, Charley.
She... she leads
a good, clean life.
Think about it.
People can convert.
Harry, you stole my girl.
I'm gonna get a shirt for you.
The Pittsburgh steelers.
Get it?
Morning.
Doctor, I need to talk to you.
I've been thinkin'
about what you said
about the truck
being a machine and...
I shouldn't be
emotionally attached.
Good, I'm glad you've
finally seen the light.
Me too, and the light is:
You're wrong,
and I want my truck back.
You know what I think it is?
I think you can't stand to see
somebody else
driving that truck.
Now, doctor,
that is not it at all.
Then what is it?
Okay, well, maybe
that's it a little bit.
A little bit?
All right, doctor,
I reckon you're right.
It's time to move on.
Good, I'm glad to hear you
feel that way.
Because I sold the truck
last night.
What?
Laverne, you were
driving me crazy.
Okay, you're right.
You're right.
It's your truck.
Do what you want to.
I hope you got
a good price on it.
I mean, you know,
I'm not gonna ask you
how much you got...
It's your truck.
How much did you get for it?
Laverne.
Sorry.
You know, just to show you
I'm not totally insensitive...
Got you a little memento.
My truck.
Doctor, that is so sweet.
What is that on the hood?
That looks like sap.
No, now, who'd you sell it to?
Did... did... I'll call 'em.
I'll tell 'em
how to buff that out.
Laverne, don't bother.
I sold it to a movie company.
They gonna blow it up.
Harry, what a nice surprise.
Wow, Rebecca,
you look so, official.
Well, it helps
the wedding couple feel married.
Um, listen, I need
to talk to you.
But I see you're rather busy.
I can come back later.
- Don't be silly.
Stay.
This won't take long.
And then, afterwards,
we can have a free dinner.
There's my cue.
Charley.
Excuse me.
I'm a friend of the minister's.
Yeah, Charley, be quiet.
Excuse me, I don't speak
to strangers.
Shh!
- Sorry.
- You should be sorry.
Backstabber, bird dog.
- Well, just, we'll...
We'll talk later.
Would you mind?
My daughter is getting married
up there.
He's so rude.
Charley, there's
a wedding going on.
Please, just be quiet.
No, I won't be quiet, Harry.
What's going on here
is just not right!
It may not be right,
but she's four months pregnant!
Give me a break!
I hope you know you made
a perfect fool of yourself.
At least
I'm not a sinner, Harry.
Don't you ever read the Bible?
Thou shalt not cover
thy neighbor's wife.
She's not your wife.
And it's covet, not cover.
Well, thank you,
"verbal Roberts."
It's "oral Roberts."
And for your information,
I came here today
to say good-bye to Rebecca.
You did?
Yeah, she's a terrific lady,
but I... I...
I just...
I don't want to hurt you.
Wait, I don't get it.
You're giving up Rebecca
because...
Of... me?
Well, basically, yes.
Wow.
Look, Charley,
even though you are a mooch,
a pain in the neck,
and have single-handedly lowered
the property values
of the entire neighborhood...
You're still my friend.
Harry, that's
the most beautiful thing
one man can say to another.
Without it being weird.
Charley, you're crying.
Yeah.
I got a splinter in my butt.
♪ Hallelujah
♪ hallelujah
♪ hallelujah, hallelujah
♪ hallelujah
♪ hallelujah
♪ hallelujah
♪ hallelujah
Watch Movies, Series & LiveTV
www.flixify.app
What do you think?
I think if a sailor
comes down those stairs
wearing your dress,
you're in a lot of trouble.
Silly daddy.
All the moms
from the quality time club
are toting their tots
Disney world for an overnight.
So I got Scotty and me
matching outfits.
Are you sure you won't join us?
They have this in your size.
No, they don't.
Harry, I gotta talk to you.
Hey, Carol's copyin' me.
- I am not.
- Are too.
- Am not!
- Are too!
- Buh-duh-buh!
Please.
Charley, come on,
what's on your mind?
- It's not my mind, Harry.
It's my heart.
I met the woman of my dreams.
Harry, I'm smut.
True.
But I think the word
you're looking for is smitten.
Whatever.
Her name's Rebecca
and we met on the ship,
and we did something I've
never done with a woman before.
Wait a minute.
We talked.
Sat on the deck under the stars
and talked for hours.
She said she'd
done it before, but...
It was my first time.
Charley, this is so unlike you.
This is one high-class babe.
Harry, can I invite her
over for dinner?
I really want to impress her.
Good move, Charley.
Dazzle her with
your freeloading skills.
Takes one to know one,
miss "still lives
at home with daddy."
And I know you copied me.
- I did not!
- Will you please?
The both of you,
just stop, all right?
Charley, wouldn't it be better
to take her
to a nice restaurant?
Well, I figured if she meets
my refined,
sophisticated friends,
she'll think I'm like that too.
Ha!
I'm glad I won't be here.
I'll be at the happiest
place on earth.
If this dinner works, so will I.
♪ Life goes on
♪ and so do we
♪ just how we do it
♪ is no mystery
♪ one by one
♪ we fill the days
Watch Movies, Series & LiveTV
www.flixify.app
♪ I'm always here
♪ for anything you need...
♪ ...rain or shine
♪ I'll be the one
♪ to share it all
♪ as life goes on
♪ we share it all
♪ as life goes on
Yeah, he's rugged and strong
and quiet and...
I just start to tingle whenever
I stand next to him.
But all good things
must come to an end,
so I've decided to sell him.
Now, the ad must say,
"new tires, new brakes,
runs excellent."
And spell that "x-l-n-t."
Every penny counts.
Especially on my salary.
Thank you.
Laverne, I can't believe
you're selling your truck.
You would if you saw
the hot little ragtop
I just put a deposit on.
We are talkin' deluxe sporty.
So, um, how much
you asking for your truck?
Well, I don't know why
you'd want to know,
unless, of course,
you was interested
in buying the vehicle,
which is academic,
because they ain't no way
I would ever sell
a used car to a friend.
Would you sell it to me?
That's worse.
Come on, Laverne.
Always wanted a truck,
and never gonna find one
that's been better cared for
than yours.
All right, doctor,
I'll think about it.
But first, let's take it
on a test drive.
Laverne, that's not necessary.
I know the truck drives fine.
It ain't the truck
I'm testin', doctor.
Combed my hair.
Brushed my teeth.
My god.
My face got all fat.
- Give me that.
You're scaring the bowl.
Harry, I just
thought of something.
We need a code word.
A code word?
Well, in case I forget
my manners in front of Rebecca.
I know, if I do
something uncouth,
you say...
Snickerdoodle.
And how am I supposed
to work that
into a conversation?
I don't know.
"Anybody seen
my snickerdoodle?"
Hey, hey, hey,
I got an emergency here.
What's the matter?
It's your garbage disposal.
It's clogged with schmutz.
Let me take a look here.
Puh! Now, that's schmutz,
all right.
Let me see if
I can do something.
Charley, hand me
that broom, will you?
Cool.
This is like the operating room,
and I'm your nurse.
Will you stop that?
- That's Rebecca.
Isn't she great?
Yutz, let her in
before her arm falls off.
- Hi, Charley.
- Hi, hi.
Rebecca kimball,
this is Sophia petrillo.
Sophia petrillo,
this is Rebecca kimball.
Rebecca kimball,
this is Harry Weston.
Harry Weston,
this is Rebecca kimball.
And now it's time to play
you bet your life.
Sophia, that was
the best Italian food
I've had in years.
That's not true.
It's the best Italian food
you've had in your life.
Dreyf, dreyf, stop that.
It's okay.
I love this guy.
What is he?
A dog.
And what a pretty dog you are.
You know, Charley,
if I had neighbors like this,
I don't think I'd ever go home.
Well, I don't like to impose.
Yeah, and I don't need
a phone book to drive.
So, Rebecca,
we've spent all this time
talking about us.
What about you?
What... line of work are you in?
Actually, I'm a little
reluctant to say.
Sometimes it makes people
uncomfortable.
She's a hooker!
Sophia!
Rebecca, whatever you do
could never make me
uncomfortable.
Thanks, Charley.
I'm a minister.
No kidding?
A minster.
Well...
That's just what I was
gonna guess.
Excuse me.
Harry, shouldn't we
check on the snickerdoodles?
Um, please.
Ex-excuse us.
So sorry.
Harry, what am I gonna do?
I'm with a holy chick.
Charley, just relax.
But she spends Sunday morning
in church!
To me, Sunday morning
is just like...
Really late Saturday night.
Charley, come on.
Ministers are people too.
I mean, they can date.
They can have relationships.
I mean, they do everything
that we do.
Well, that I do.
What if I screw up?
She's so good, and I'm...
Well, how can I put this
in religious terms?
The anti-good.
Charley, come on, look.
She likes you.
I don't understand that.
But she does.
So come on,
just go and be yourself.
- Right, gotcha.
- Okay.
Be myself.
So we probably should give
the extra snickerdoodles
to the orphanage.
You know what sister Mary says:
"Sharing is good.
Amen."
So, Rebecca,
where is your church?
It's on the corner
of citrus and canal.
Is that your church?
I... I... I pass it every day
on my way to work.
Well, stop in sometime.
Have a prayer on me.
I know where that is.
Hey, who comes up with
all those catchy sayings
on your sign?
A bunch of guys.
Matthew, Mark, Luke, John.
The Beatles?
Anyway, it's
a great congregation.
We do a lot of work
in the community.
That reminds me,
I've got an early morning.
We're staring our annual
clothing drive.
I'll walk you to your car.
Well, it was lovely to meet you,
and I hope wet was
see you again sometime.
I hope so.
Well, good night, all.
Thanks for a lovely evening.
Hey, did you see this one?
Here's the church...
Here's the steeple...
Open the doors and...
Hey, where's all the people?
Must be super bowl Sunday.
Heh.
- Harry!
Somebody stole my truck.
What? Are you sure?
Wait a minute,
have you looked everywhere?
Well...
I haven't checked
the men's room.
Of course
I've looked everywhere.
Damn, I can't believe it.
I only had it two days.
Boy, Laverne's gonna kill you.
Why? It's my truck.
It was locked.
I didn't do anything wrong.
No, you didn't,
and Laverne's gonna kill you.
Sorry to duck out on you
like that, doctor,
but I noticed the truck
was pingin'
so I run it down to
the auto supply
and got you a spark plug gapper.
You took my truck?
Yep. Readjusted
the spacin' for you
right there in the parkin' lot...
No charge.
Laverne...
When I drove my truck in
this morning,
which is what I like to call it,
since I wrote you
that big, fat check,
I didn't notice any pinging.
Doctor, believe me,
I performed a valuable
adjustment on that engine.
Now, you wouldn't want to be
goin' down the road
and have your fuel injectors
clunk out, would you?
Well, no, I wouldn't.
You don't have fuel injectors.
You got dual carbs.
Ain't you read the manual?
Laverne, would you like me
to sell the truck back to you?
Don't be silly, doctor.
It's your truck.
Although I personally
would not park it
under them Georgia pines
on account of bird droppin's
and the occasional splat of sap.
Laverne, it's a truck.
It's a big, metal machine.
It gets you from point "a"
to point "b"!
That's it.
Not to me.
I worked on that truck.
I laughed in that truck.
I cried in that truck.
Couple of times I even...
Okay. You're right.
From this point forward,
I am officially disengagin'
myself from that truck,
mentally and emotionally.
Good.
Um, there's
just one little thing
about the truck, doctor.
Um, this Saturday's
his birthday.
Heh heh, whoa...
This is gettin' scary.
Hey, I'm not askin'
to come to the party.
Thou shalt not
sand against the grain.
- Harry!
- Hi.
I brought you some stuff
for your clothing drive.
- Well, thank you.
Every little bit helps.
Besides, you wouldn't believe
how much money
we find in the pockets.
Heh, $1.33.
I already went through them.
Here, come here.
Let me give you a hand.
Thanks.
Actually, you know,
I'm glad you came by.
I want to talk to you
about Charley.
I think he has
a little crush on me.
- I don't know.
- Maybe a little.
I didn't mean to mislead him.
When I met Charley,
thought he could use a friend.
He seemed like such a lost soul.
Yeah, well, Charley,
he's kind of...
Harry, I know who Charley is.
On the cruise, I asked him
if he believed in god.
He said he would
if he ever woke up
next to christie Brinkley.
Sounds like Charley,
but remember,
he didn't know you were
a minister.
Harry, that's sweet,
standing up for your friend.
- Yeah, well...
That's what friends do.
Well, Charley has
great taste in people.
I'm really glad I met you.
Me too.
I mean, how often does a guy
get a chance
to sand a pew, you know?
Harry...
You're sanding my hand.
- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.
I'm... i'm... you know, I...
You probably need that to...
To bless with.
Yeah, well, I really
should get to choir practice.
Well, then, I should probably
give you your hand back.
Right.
Ahem.
- Well...
Do you want to get coffee later?
- Um, yeah, I'd...
I'd like that.
Great.
Well, I really should go, or...
They'll start choir practice
without me.
Well...
Harry...
Um, I never thanked you
for the clothes.
It's nothing.
♪ Hallelujah
♪ hallelujah
♪ hallelujah, hallelujah
♪ hall-e-lujah
♪ hallelujah...
Carol?
I need some advice.
Did I hear correctly?
Me? Advice?
That the day has dawned
when you,
the wisest daddy I know,
would come to me for counsel.
I am truly humbled.
- It'll keep.
It's not a big problem.
- No, no.
Stop right there.
If it is advice you seek,
seek no further.
Remember, daddy:
Problems are my life.
- This is true.
Um...
Well, it's... it's about
Charley's friend Rebecca.
I have a terrible confession.
It's...
We went out for coffee.
So?
So? So I went out
on a date with Rebecca.
How could I do this to Charley?
Well, is she interested in him?
Well... no.
Daddy, please.
With Charley's attention span,
he's probably forgotten
about her already.
Hey, Harry, look at the gift
I got for Rebecca.
Just when you think you've
got the boob figured out.
Look, it's a religious gift.
Charley, sit down, please.
Please.
Charley, you know how, um,
you know, sometimes you...
You find a woman
very attractive,
and she likes you, but...
She doesn't have any
romantic feelings for you?
Harry, say no more.
I have the answer to your pain.
Suzy Kramer.
She'll do it with anybody.
- No, no, no, no, no.
Cha-Charley, um...
Yesterday, I saw Rebecca.
Where?
At the church.
I-I brought some stuff by
for her, you know,
clothing drive.
You're a good man, Harry.
You know, you and Rebecca
are probably
the two best people I know.
Thanks, Charley.
Um... look, I-I don't know
any other way to put this.
But... Rebecca doesn't have
romantic feelings for you.
- What?
Well, how would you know?
Well, you know, we were talking,
and, naturally,
your name came up.
Did you say I was an idiot?
No, we just talked about you.
That's that same thing.
Well, this is just great.
What else did you talk about?
You know,
sanding and clothing and...
I don't know, lots of stuff.
We just sort of...
Hit it off.
Hey, what are you doing
hitting it off with my girl?
- Charley, she...
She's not your girl.
And she is a minister.
I mean, she prays, Charley.
She... she leads
a good, clean life.
Think about it.
People can convert.
Harry, you stole my girl.
I'm gonna get a shirt for you.
The Pittsburgh steelers.
Get it?
Morning.
Doctor, I need to talk to you.
I've been thinkin'
about what you said
about the truck
being a machine and...
I shouldn't be
emotionally attached.
Good, I'm glad you've
finally seen the light.
Me too, and the light is:
You're wrong,
and I want my truck back.
You know what I think it is?
I think you can't stand to see
somebody else
driving that truck.
Now, doctor,
that is not it at all.
Then what is it?
Okay, well, maybe
that's it a little bit.
A little bit?
All right, doctor,
I reckon you're right.
It's time to move on.
Good, I'm glad to hear you
feel that way.
Because I sold the truck
last night.
What?
Laverne, you were
driving me crazy.
Okay, you're right.
You're right.
It's your truck.
Do what you want to.
I hope you got
a good price on it.
I mean, you know,
I'm not gonna ask you
how much you got...
It's your truck.
How much did you get for it?
Laverne.
Sorry.
You know, just to show you
I'm not totally insensitive...
Got you a little memento.
My truck.
Doctor, that is so sweet.
What is that on the hood?
That looks like sap.
No, now, who'd you sell it to?
Did... did... I'll call 'em.
I'll tell 'em
how to buff that out.
Laverne, don't bother.
I sold it to a movie company.
They gonna blow it up.
Harry, what a nice surprise.
Wow, Rebecca,
you look so, official.
Well, it helps
the wedding couple feel married.
Um, listen, I need
to talk to you.
But I see you're rather busy.
I can come back later.
- Don't be silly.
Stay.
This won't take long.
And then, afterwards,
we can have a free dinner.
There's my cue.
Charley.
Excuse me.
I'm a friend of the minister's.
Yeah, Charley, be quiet.
Excuse me, I don't speak
to strangers.
Shh!
- Sorry.
- You should be sorry.
Backstabber, bird dog.
- Well, just, we'll...
We'll talk later.
Would you mind?
My daughter is getting married
up there.
He's so rude.
Charley, there's
a wedding going on.
Please, just be quiet.
No, I won't be quiet, Harry.
What's going on here
is just not right!
It may not be right,
but she's four months pregnant!
Give me a break!
I hope you know you made
a perfect fool of yourself.
At least
I'm not a sinner, Harry.
Don't you ever read the Bible?
Thou shalt not cover
thy neighbor's wife.
She's not your wife.
And it's covet, not cover.
Well, thank you,
"verbal Roberts."
It's "oral Roberts."
And for your information,
I came here today
to say good-bye to Rebecca.
You did?
Yeah, she's a terrific lady,
but I... I...
I just...
I don't want to hurt you.
Wait, I don't get it.
You're giving up Rebecca
because...
Of... me?
Well, basically, yes.
Wow.
Look, Charley,
even though you are a mooch,
a pain in the neck,
and have single-handedly lowered
the property values
of the entire neighborhood...
You're still my friend.
Harry, that's
the most beautiful thing
one man can say to another.
Without it being weird.
Charley, you're crying.
Yeah.
I got a splinter in my butt.
♪ Hallelujah
♪ hallelujah
♪ hallelujah, hallelujah
♪ hallelujah
♪ hallelujah
♪ hallelujah
♪ hallelujah
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