Empty Nest (1988–1995): Season 6, Episode 14 - What's a Mother to Do? - full transcript
Where is the...?
Are you finished
with the sports section yet?
Come on, dreyf.
Come on, dreyf.
Off the paper.
Off the paper.
Geez, all those years
used to be,
"on the paper.
On the paper."
Come on. Go.
Good morning, sweetheart.
Is it morning?
I know it's not night
because if it were night,
Scotty would be awake.
Baby had a rough night?
No, the baby had
a perfectly lovely night.
Three meals, a five-mile walk
around the living room,
brief nap at 4:00 am.
It's good to be the baby.
Aw.
Hi, westons.
You know, I've had a lot
of success with women
in this position.
Last call.
Daddy, make him go away!
Very nice.
Considering I brought
a gift for little Scotty.
- A present?
- Look. A blanket.
With symbols of white
imperialism all over it.
Carol, it's cowboys and Indians.
It's land grabbers
and exploitation
of native peoples.
So, do you like it?
Charley, this was
very sweet of you,
but I don't want my child
waking up
to such horrifying images.
But that blanket
is a family heirloom.
At least that's
what running eagle said
at the garage sale.
Sweetheart, don't you think
maybe you're overreacting?
Come on,
it's a very nice blanket.
I'm sorry, daddy,
but I refuse to introduce
scenes of violence
to Scotty's world.
These are his formative days.
Well, I doubt that he's
forming political opinions.
He's yet to find his big toe.
My god. At what age
is he supposed to do that?
My...
Harry, is the big toe
the one that stayed home,
or the one that had roast beef?
Daddy, I'm serious.
Do you think
th... th... that little Scotty
has poor eye-toe coordination?
- Carol. Carol.
Come on, listen.
You're getting all worked up
about nothing, you know?
You know, it might help you
to talk to other mothers.
You should find one of
those mother-child groups.
I think you could get
a lot out of one of those.
You know, you're right, daddy.
Raising a child
is fraught with pitfalls.
You see what can happen.
♪ I'm always here
♪ for anything you need...
♪ ...we share it all
♪ as life goes on
- Whoa.
Is that a hamburger?
Nope. It's a bacon
cheeseburger.
That looks yummy.
If you're good,
I'll let you lick the wrapper.
Boy, I wish I could.
Well, maybe Maxine doesn't have
the cholesterol problem you do.
What is your cholesterol?
Laverne, please,
I barely know you.
Well, you know what they say,
"if you want your arteries
clean as a whistle,
lay off the bacon,
lard n' gristle".
Laverne, don't worry about me.
Last time I had a physical,
my cholesterol was just fine.
Yeah, when was that?
Look, you're both
fairly new here.
So, let me fill you in.
This is a public clinic.
It is a rude
and impersonal place.
Let's keep it that way.
- I'll tell you what?
I'll do your physical.
No, you won't.
If I were gonna have a physical,
I'd go to somebody
like Ted Osborne.
What's wrong
with Dr. Weston?
Laverne, I have a rule.
I never get naked at work.
Maxine, I'm a doctor.
Don't be ridiculous.
Okay, Harry.
How would you like for me
to give you your physical?
- Pfft.
Ted Osborne's your man.
Hi, Sophia.
Here.
I'm returning Harry's chainsaw.
It's outta gas, and a couple
of teeth are missing.
Just like me.
Sophia, what are you doing
with a chainsaw?
It was lumberjack night
at shady pines.
Lumberjack night?
Yeah, but things
got a little out of hand.
Shady pines isn't quite
as shady as it used to be.
Sophia, how are things
at the retirement home?
Very sunny.
And it's not a retirement home.
It's a retirement hotel.
What's the difference?
Well, for one thing.
It gives a whole new meaning
to check-out time.
Hi, daddy, how was your day?
- It was insane.
You'll never believe this.
I'm at the bank,
and this maniac with dynamite
strapped to his body
comes screaming in, and then...
That's nice.
I've called 12
mother-and-child groups,
and I can't decide
which one to join.
I'm sure any one of them
would be fine.
No, daddy, it has to be
the right one.
I mean, there's... there's
vegetarian mother and child,
c-section mother and child,
mother and mother and child.
Lesbian couples.
Then there's...
- Swee... sweetheart,
why don't you just call
the rec center down the street?
You need to find a nice
neighborhood group,
of other mothers
exactly like yourself.
Or better yet,
totally different.
All:
♪ a pocketful of posies
♪ ashes, ashes
♪ we all fall down
Fun fact to know and tell.
- Good.
- Another one.
This song is actually
a 17th century song
about the bubonic plague,
which was transmitted
to people by rat fleas.
Shall we move on?
Why don't you all
put your babies down...
Stop.
Do you know the chemical
composition of the rug?
Because th... there could be
toxic fumes
emanating from the fibers.
You know, Carol, I don't.
Also, has this building
been checked for asbestos dust?
- I'm not sure.
- And radon gas?
I have a pamphlet
you might wanna take a look at.
Ha ha,
any other questions today?
Laurie, there's something
that's really been bugging me.
I'll talk to Carol later.
No, I meant, is it okay
to talk baby talk to your baby?
Sure, yeah. Whatever
you're comfortable with.
- No, no, no.
No baby talk.
Here.
They're like little sponges.
See, I've read
that you should speak
the way you want them
to speak in proper English.
Although I do sometimes speak
to Scotty in French.
"Juste un peu".
Carol, these are infants.
It doesn't really matter if you
talk pot roast or politics.
Well, my thinking...
No, see, that's the problem.
You're thinking too much.
It's a relationship
that you're establishing,
and if you're good
at relationships,
then you'll be good
at parenting.
Is that a hard-and-fast rule?
Well, the important thing is
just being there for your baby.
Well, that's me.
I mean, I sit up all night
by his crib,
so that if he needs anything
he won't have to cry.
Big mistake.
Why? What's wrong?
Well, it's natural
for a baby to cry.
The baby is supposed to cry.
That's how they learn
how to communicate.
Now, maybe I'm being silly, but...
You make it sound like
I'm doing everything wrong.
I'm sorry, Carol. Um.
Group, why don't we talk
about the things
that Carol's doing right?
Doctor, you're eating a donut.
You sure know your pastries.
- Didn't you see Dr. Osborne?
- Yeah.
And he said you could have that?
It's a prescription donut.
Canal street clinic.
Um, just a minute.
It's Dr. Osborne's office
for you.
Yes, this is Dr. Douglas.
Hi, Ted, how are you?
More importantly, how am I?
Really?
Well, can't it wait
till next week?
I see.
All right,
I'll see what I can do.
So, what'd he say?
What's goin' on?
What's goin' on?
Laverne, are you familiar
with the concept
of doctor-patient
confidentiality?
Of course I am.
So, what's goin' on?
- All right, dear. Bye-bye.
See you.
Harry, can you cover for me
for a couple of days?
I need some time off.
Is everything okay?
Everything's fine.
Come on.
What do you say?
I wouldn't ask
if it wasn't important.
- Sure, there's no problem.
Go ahead.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
I can't believe you didn't
ask her why she needs time off.
It's none of our business.
Well, somethin' is goin' on,
and I happen to know what it is.
- What?
- None of your business.
See?
Now you know how it feels.
Laverne.
She just got her test results
from Dr. Osborne.
And the next thing she does
is ask for time off?
Need I say more?
- Yes, a lot more.
What were the results?
I don't know.
Then how do you know
something's wrong?
She threw away her donut.
- My god.
- Not her donut.
Charley?
Thank god you're home.
- Wh-what's wrong?
- I don't know
what I'm gonna do.
- What is it?
Carol said no
to another baby gift.
Look at this face.
Who could resist this face?
I'm keeping bitsy bear
for my very own.
Well, she looks a lot smarter
than most of the girls
you go out with.
More responsive too.
All right, what didn't
she like about bitsy?
- It's the eyes.
- They could pop out,
and the baby could choke on 'em.
Well, actually,
that's a legitimate concern.
Hey, you know, in the heat
of a serious face sucking,
I've downed a contact lens
or two and it never hurt me.
What about a book?
- Can't say.
Never swallowed one.
I meant as a gift for the baby.
No.
Books are a swamp
I'm not gonna enter.
I can hear Carol now.
"Books have sharp corners.
"Death of cuddly animals.
Female characters
without meaningful roles."
Yeah, well, Carol is a stickler.
Harry, I can't go on with this
gift business forever.
I mean, I have a job and a life.
Well, I have a job.
Well, Charley,
maybe Carol will relax
her requirements a little.
I mean, she went to her first
mother-child group today.
I think being with other mothers
will put things in perspective.
Daddy, would you hold Scotty?
- Yes, come over here.
- Yeah.
- Good.
Now, can you raise him?
I am the worst mother
in the whole world.
Boy, I bet my mom'll be glad
to lose that title.
Sweetheart, every parent
makes mistakes.
I mean, you accidentally stick
the baby with a safety pin,
or y... you take your eyes
off him for a moment,
and they roll off the bed
and bump their head.
What kind of a horrible parent
would do that?
Me.
No, come on.
I was a little awkward at first.
I mean, the first time
I gave you your bottle,
I... I didn't notice
that the hole in the nipple
wasn't big enough.
You almost sucked yourself
inside out.
You were...
You did those things to me...
And nobody called
the authorities?
Well, honey, I...
Daddy, how could you do that?
Look, I mean, all parents do.
What other kinds of terrible
mistakes did you make?
Having this little talk
comes to mind.
Look, ca... ca... Carol,
y... you will go to your next
mother-child group
and I promise you,
you will be fine.
No, daddy, I can't go back.
They said I missed
the whole point of parenthood.
There is no point to parenthood.
I mean... what I mean...
What I mean is
that there's no one right way
to be a parent.
You're as good a parent as any
other mother in that group.
- You think?
- I know.
You go back there and show them
what you're made of.
You're right, daddy.
At the very least, I'm a way
better parent than you were.
Welcome back,
Dr. Douglas.
How was your time off?
Okay.
Did you do anything special?
Had to go to sarasota.
Where there any calls for me?
Sarasota.
Odd place to go
this time of year.
Of course, it is home of tippy,
world's friendliest alligator.
Damn. Missed that one.
Look, if Dr. Osborne calls,
please interrupt me.
Dr. Weston.
Dr. Douglas
is back from her trip
and guess where she was?
Sarasota.
So?
Do you know what's in sarasota?
Yeah, tippy, the world's
friendliest alligator.
My first thought as well,
but if you'll also remember,
it's home of the Sullivan
cardiac center.
- Laverne, come on.
- You're jumping to conclusions.
She is waiting for a call
from Dr. Osborne
and she told me
I can interrupt her,
so it must be somethin' serious
'cause she never likes
to be interrupted.
Canal street clinic?
Just a minute.
It's Dr. Osborne,
what should I do?
I don't know.
Your job?
Um, Dr. Douglas,
it's Dr. Osborne on line one.
I just want you to know,
we're here for you.
Hi, baby.
Of course I can meet you
for lunch.
Yes, it was a wonderful
two days in sarasota.
Even better two nights.
Well, let's do it again
as soon as you get
your strength back.
I am tellin' you,
she takes two days off
in the middle of the week
to run off to a world famous
heart clinic.
Laverne, I think
you're way off base.
Lemme ask you this.
Who ever heard of a person goin'
all the way to sarasota,
and not takin' a ride on tippy?
- I am a good mother.
I am a good mother.
I have my diaper bag,
my stroller, my purse.
Okay, I have everything.
Except my baby.
And my car keys.
My god! My keys!
I don't believe it!
Help!
Help!
- What's the matter?
The baby's locked in the car!
You locked
your baby in the car?!
- Me?
- Heavens, no, not me.
I... I... I would never do such
a stupid thing to my child.
The sun roof is
open a crack. Thanks god.
Thank god, the baby's safe.
Obviously his mother
is not a complete fool.
It's okay, little guy,
we're gonna get you outta there.
- It's okay.
It's gonna be all right.
You should stay away
from the window.
You're scaring him.
You know, I could reach the
lock if I had a coat hanger.
What kind of mother
would do such a thing?
Yes. That woman should be
ashamed of herself.
Where is that woman?
Carol, I can't believe you
locked your baby in the car.
It was an accident.
Don't worry,
I'll go get the chainsaw.
Scotty.
Can you believe it, Louise?
After two incredible days
in sarasota,
he invites me to lunch today
and tells me it's over.
To hear this out of the blue?
I mean, you never expect
that something like this
is gonna happen to you.
All I was asking for
was a couple of months.
Have a few dinners, maybe have
sex once more before I die.
Dr. Douglas,
you poor thing.
I am so sorry.
I'll have to call you back,
Louise.
I'm being hugged
by a white woman.
Laverne, why are you crying?
What's going on?
I knew it. She only
has a couple of months left.
A couple of months?
I know Dr. Osborne's
the best,
but maybe you could get
a second opinion.
- Why?
I know when I've been dumped.
What?
Well, not that it's
any of your business,
but I've been dating
Ted Osborne.
Since when?
Ever since my physical.
So, what was sarasota?
Your basic sex fest.
You let me worry all this time
and you're not even dyin'?
Doctor,
why didn't you say somethin'?
Well, Ted wanted
to keep it quiet
until his divorce was final.
- Ted's getting a divorce?
I'll be damned.
I wonder who'll get the jag?
I hope his wife gets everything
after what he did to me.
I'm not used
to being treated like this.
Well, that rat.
Is he ever.
All that man had on his mind
was sex, sex, sex.
God, am I gonna miss him.
Do you wanna have
a cup a tea and talk about it?
No. I want a hot fudge sundae.
But thanks to the two of you,
I can't.
On top of everything else,
he told me my cholesterol
is through the roof.
Don't worry, Scotty.
Mommy will never lock you
in the car again.
I've got a hide-a-key,
coat hanger,
and if that doesn't work...
Mister brick.
Hey, sweetie.
There's my little Scotty.
Yes. Yeah, look at you.
So, how you doing?
Fine, I'm fine
a... and the baby's fine.
That's the important thing.
Of course,
that's the important thing.
What do you mean by that?
- Nothing.
I mean what you mean.
Okay, I'm fine.
Fine.
- Hi, Carol.
- Laurie, hi, come in.
Daddy, this is Laurie
from the mother-and-child group.
Nice to meet you.
We missed you
at the meeting today.
Well, I... I... I
had some car trouble.
- Really? What happened?
- Nothing much.
It's with the... the gears
and the things and the cable.
I'm fine. Car's fine.
Everyone's fine.
Carol, I owe you an apology.
You were right.
We had the carpeting
at the rec center analyzed,
and it's just wreaking
of toxic chemicals.
Well, that is good news.
See, honey,
and you were worried
about being a bad mother?
- A bad mother?
You know what?
I wish all mothers
were as together as you.
Just today, right in front
of the rec center,
I heard some airhead
locked her baby in the car.
I mean, can you believe that?
Get out of here.
Yes, she really did.
No, I mean get out of here.
Carol, I finally got a
fool proof baby gift, for you.
Charley, this is
the same blanket as before.
Not quite. I cut out
all the cowboys and Indians.
Are you finished
with the sports section yet?
Come on, dreyf.
Come on, dreyf.
Off the paper.
Off the paper.
Geez, all those years
used to be,
"on the paper.
On the paper."
Come on. Go.
Good morning, sweetheart.
Is it morning?
I know it's not night
because if it were night,
Scotty would be awake.
Baby had a rough night?
No, the baby had
a perfectly lovely night.
Three meals, a five-mile walk
around the living room,
brief nap at 4:00 am.
It's good to be the baby.
Aw.
Hi, westons.
You know, I've had a lot
of success with women
in this position.
Last call.
Daddy, make him go away!
Very nice.
Considering I brought
a gift for little Scotty.
- A present?
- Look. A blanket.
With symbols of white
imperialism all over it.
Carol, it's cowboys and Indians.
It's land grabbers
and exploitation
of native peoples.
So, do you like it?
Charley, this was
very sweet of you,
but I don't want my child
waking up
to such horrifying images.
But that blanket
is a family heirloom.
At least that's
what running eagle said
at the garage sale.
Sweetheart, don't you think
maybe you're overreacting?
Come on,
it's a very nice blanket.
I'm sorry, daddy,
but I refuse to introduce
scenes of violence
to Scotty's world.
These are his formative days.
Well, I doubt that he's
forming political opinions.
He's yet to find his big toe.
My god. At what age
is he supposed to do that?
My...
Harry, is the big toe
the one that stayed home,
or the one that had roast beef?
Daddy, I'm serious.
Do you think
th... th... that little Scotty
has poor eye-toe coordination?
- Carol. Carol.
Come on, listen.
You're getting all worked up
about nothing, you know?
You know, it might help you
to talk to other mothers.
You should find one of
those mother-child groups.
I think you could get
a lot out of one of those.
You know, you're right, daddy.
Raising a child
is fraught with pitfalls.
You see what can happen.
♪ I'm always here
♪ for anything you need...
♪ ...we share it all
♪ as life goes on
- Whoa.
Is that a hamburger?
Nope. It's a bacon
cheeseburger.
That looks yummy.
If you're good,
I'll let you lick the wrapper.
Boy, I wish I could.
Well, maybe Maxine doesn't have
the cholesterol problem you do.
What is your cholesterol?
Laverne, please,
I barely know you.
Well, you know what they say,
"if you want your arteries
clean as a whistle,
lay off the bacon,
lard n' gristle".
Laverne, don't worry about me.
Last time I had a physical,
my cholesterol was just fine.
Yeah, when was that?
Look, you're both
fairly new here.
So, let me fill you in.
This is a public clinic.
It is a rude
and impersonal place.
Let's keep it that way.
- I'll tell you what?
I'll do your physical.
No, you won't.
If I were gonna have a physical,
I'd go to somebody
like Ted Osborne.
What's wrong
with Dr. Weston?
Laverne, I have a rule.
I never get naked at work.
Maxine, I'm a doctor.
Don't be ridiculous.
Okay, Harry.
How would you like for me
to give you your physical?
- Pfft.
Ted Osborne's your man.
Hi, Sophia.
Here.
I'm returning Harry's chainsaw.
It's outta gas, and a couple
of teeth are missing.
Just like me.
Sophia, what are you doing
with a chainsaw?
It was lumberjack night
at shady pines.
Lumberjack night?
Yeah, but things
got a little out of hand.
Shady pines isn't quite
as shady as it used to be.
Sophia, how are things
at the retirement home?
Very sunny.
And it's not a retirement home.
It's a retirement hotel.
What's the difference?
Well, for one thing.
It gives a whole new meaning
to check-out time.
Hi, daddy, how was your day?
- It was insane.
You'll never believe this.
I'm at the bank,
and this maniac with dynamite
strapped to his body
comes screaming in, and then...
That's nice.
I've called 12
mother-and-child groups,
and I can't decide
which one to join.
I'm sure any one of them
would be fine.
No, daddy, it has to be
the right one.
I mean, there's... there's
vegetarian mother and child,
c-section mother and child,
mother and mother and child.
Lesbian couples.
Then there's...
- Swee... sweetheart,
why don't you just call
the rec center down the street?
You need to find a nice
neighborhood group,
of other mothers
exactly like yourself.
Or better yet,
totally different.
All:
♪ a pocketful of posies
♪ ashes, ashes
♪ we all fall down
Fun fact to know and tell.
- Good.
- Another one.
This song is actually
a 17th century song
about the bubonic plague,
which was transmitted
to people by rat fleas.
Shall we move on?
Why don't you all
put your babies down...
Stop.
Do you know the chemical
composition of the rug?
Because th... there could be
toxic fumes
emanating from the fibers.
You know, Carol, I don't.
Also, has this building
been checked for asbestos dust?
- I'm not sure.
- And radon gas?
I have a pamphlet
you might wanna take a look at.
Ha ha,
any other questions today?
Laurie, there's something
that's really been bugging me.
I'll talk to Carol later.
No, I meant, is it okay
to talk baby talk to your baby?
Sure, yeah. Whatever
you're comfortable with.
- No, no, no.
No baby talk.
Here.
They're like little sponges.
See, I've read
that you should speak
the way you want them
to speak in proper English.
Although I do sometimes speak
to Scotty in French.
"Juste un peu".
Carol, these are infants.
It doesn't really matter if you
talk pot roast or politics.
Well, my thinking...
No, see, that's the problem.
You're thinking too much.
It's a relationship
that you're establishing,
and if you're good
at relationships,
then you'll be good
at parenting.
Is that a hard-and-fast rule?
Well, the important thing is
just being there for your baby.
Well, that's me.
I mean, I sit up all night
by his crib,
so that if he needs anything
he won't have to cry.
Big mistake.
Why? What's wrong?
Well, it's natural
for a baby to cry.
The baby is supposed to cry.
That's how they learn
how to communicate.
Now, maybe I'm being silly, but...
You make it sound like
I'm doing everything wrong.
I'm sorry, Carol. Um.
Group, why don't we talk
about the things
that Carol's doing right?
Doctor, you're eating a donut.
You sure know your pastries.
- Didn't you see Dr. Osborne?
- Yeah.
And he said you could have that?
It's a prescription donut.
Canal street clinic.
Um, just a minute.
It's Dr. Osborne's office
for you.
Yes, this is Dr. Douglas.
Hi, Ted, how are you?
More importantly, how am I?
Really?
Well, can't it wait
till next week?
I see.
All right,
I'll see what I can do.
So, what'd he say?
What's goin' on?
What's goin' on?
Laverne, are you familiar
with the concept
of doctor-patient
confidentiality?
Of course I am.
So, what's goin' on?
- All right, dear. Bye-bye.
See you.
Harry, can you cover for me
for a couple of days?
I need some time off.
Is everything okay?
Everything's fine.
Come on.
What do you say?
I wouldn't ask
if it wasn't important.
- Sure, there's no problem.
Go ahead.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
I can't believe you didn't
ask her why she needs time off.
It's none of our business.
Well, somethin' is goin' on,
and I happen to know what it is.
- What?
- None of your business.
See?
Now you know how it feels.
Laverne.
She just got her test results
from Dr. Osborne.
And the next thing she does
is ask for time off?
Need I say more?
- Yes, a lot more.
What were the results?
I don't know.
Then how do you know
something's wrong?
She threw away her donut.
- My god.
- Not her donut.
Charley?
Thank god you're home.
- Wh-what's wrong?
- I don't know
what I'm gonna do.
- What is it?
Carol said no
to another baby gift.
Look at this face.
Who could resist this face?
I'm keeping bitsy bear
for my very own.
Well, she looks a lot smarter
than most of the girls
you go out with.
More responsive too.
All right, what didn't
she like about bitsy?
- It's the eyes.
- They could pop out,
and the baby could choke on 'em.
Well, actually,
that's a legitimate concern.
Hey, you know, in the heat
of a serious face sucking,
I've downed a contact lens
or two and it never hurt me.
What about a book?
- Can't say.
Never swallowed one.
I meant as a gift for the baby.
No.
Books are a swamp
I'm not gonna enter.
I can hear Carol now.
"Books have sharp corners.
"Death of cuddly animals.
Female characters
without meaningful roles."
Yeah, well, Carol is a stickler.
Harry, I can't go on with this
gift business forever.
I mean, I have a job and a life.
Well, I have a job.
Well, Charley,
maybe Carol will relax
her requirements a little.
I mean, she went to her first
mother-child group today.
I think being with other mothers
will put things in perspective.
Daddy, would you hold Scotty?
- Yes, come over here.
- Yeah.
- Good.
Now, can you raise him?
I am the worst mother
in the whole world.
Boy, I bet my mom'll be glad
to lose that title.
Sweetheart, every parent
makes mistakes.
I mean, you accidentally stick
the baby with a safety pin,
or y... you take your eyes
off him for a moment,
and they roll off the bed
and bump their head.
What kind of a horrible parent
would do that?
Me.
No, come on.
I was a little awkward at first.
I mean, the first time
I gave you your bottle,
I... I didn't notice
that the hole in the nipple
wasn't big enough.
You almost sucked yourself
inside out.
You were...
You did those things to me...
And nobody called
the authorities?
Well, honey, I...
Daddy, how could you do that?
Look, I mean, all parents do.
What other kinds of terrible
mistakes did you make?
Having this little talk
comes to mind.
Look, ca... ca... Carol,
y... you will go to your next
mother-child group
and I promise you,
you will be fine.
No, daddy, I can't go back.
They said I missed
the whole point of parenthood.
There is no point to parenthood.
I mean... what I mean...
What I mean is
that there's no one right way
to be a parent.
You're as good a parent as any
other mother in that group.
- You think?
- I know.
You go back there and show them
what you're made of.
You're right, daddy.
At the very least, I'm a way
better parent than you were.
Welcome back,
Dr. Douglas.
How was your time off?
Okay.
Did you do anything special?
Had to go to sarasota.
Where there any calls for me?
Sarasota.
Odd place to go
this time of year.
Of course, it is home of tippy,
world's friendliest alligator.
Damn. Missed that one.
Look, if Dr. Osborne calls,
please interrupt me.
Dr. Weston.
Dr. Douglas
is back from her trip
and guess where she was?
Sarasota.
So?
Do you know what's in sarasota?
Yeah, tippy, the world's
friendliest alligator.
My first thought as well,
but if you'll also remember,
it's home of the Sullivan
cardiac center.
- Laverne, come on.
- You're jumping to conclusions.
She is waiting for a call
from Dr. Osborne
and she told me
I can interrupt her,
so it must be somethin' serious
'cause she never likes
to be interrupted.
Canal street clinic?
Just a minute.
It's Dr. Osborne,
what should I do?
I don't know.
Your job?
Um, Dr. Douglas,
it's Dr. Osborne on line one.
I just want you to know,
we're here for you.
Hi, baby.
Of course I can meet you
for lunch.
Yes, it was a wonderful
two days in sarasota.
Even better two nights.
Well, let's do it again
as soon as you get
your strength back.
I am tellin' you,
she takes two days off
in the middle of the week
to run off to a world famous
heart clinic.
Laverne, I think
you're way off base.
Lemme ask you this.
Who ever heard of a person goin'
all the way to sarasota,
and not takin' a ride on tippy?
- I am a good mother.
I am a good mother.
I have my diaper bag,
my stroller, my purse.
Okay, I have everything.
Except my baby.
And my car keys.
My god! My keys!
I don't believe it!
Help!
Help!
- What's the matter?
The baby's locked in the car!
You locked
your baby in the car?!
- Me?
- Heavens, no, not me.
I... I... I would never do such
a stupid thing to my child.
The sun roof is
open a crack. Thanks god.
Thank god, the baby's safe.
Obviously his mother
is not a complete fool.
It's okay, little guy,
we're gonna get you outta there.
- It's okay.
It's gonna be all right.
You should stay away
from the window.
You're scaring him.
You know, I could reach the
lock if I had a coat hanger.
What kind of mother
would do such a thing?
Yes. That woman should be
ashamed of herself.
Where is that woman?
Carol, I can't believe you
locked your baby in the car.
It was an accident.
Don't worry,
I'll go get the chainsaw.
Scotty.
Can you believe it, Louise?
After two incredible days
in sarasota,
he invites me to lunch today
and tells me it's over.
To hear this out of the blue?
I mean, you never expect
that something like this
is gonna happen to you.
All I was asking for
was a couple of months.
Have a few dinners, maybe have
sex once more before I die.
Dr. Douglas,
you poor thing.
I am so sorry.
I'll have to call you back,
Louise.
I'm being hugged
by a white woman.
Laverne, why are you crying?
What's going on?
I knew it. She only
has a couple of months left.
A couple of months?
I know Dr. Osborne's
the best,
but maybe you could get
a second opinion.
- Why?
I know when I've been dumped.
What?
Well, not that it's
any of your business,
but I've been dating
Ted Osborne.
Since when?
Ever since my physical.
So, what was sarasota?
Your basic sex fest.
You let me worry all this time
and you're not even dyin'?
Doctor,
why didn't you say somethin'?
Well, Ted wanted
to keep it quiet
until his divorce was final.
- Ted's getting a divorce?
I'll be damned.
I wonder who'll get the jag?
I hope his wife gets everything
after what he did to me.
I'm not used
to being treated like this.
Well, that rat.
Is he ever.
All that man had on his mind
was sex, sex, sex.
God, am I gonna miss him.
Do you wanna have
a cup a tea and talk about it?
No. I want a hot fudge sundae.
But thanks to the two of you,
I can't.
On top of everything else,
he told me my cholesterol
is through the roof.
Don't worry, Scotty.
Mommy will never lock you
in the car again.
I've got a hide-a-key,
coat hanger,
and if that doesn't work...
Mister brick.
Hey, sweetie.
There's my little Scotty.
Yes. Yeah, look at you.
So, how you doing?
Fine, I'm fine
a... and the baby's fine.
That's the important thing.
Of course,
that's the important thing.
What do you mean by that?
- Nothing.
I mean what you mean.
Okay, I'm fine.
Fine.
- Hi, Carol.
- Laurie, hi, come in.
Daddy, this is Laurie
from the mother-and-child group.
Nice to meet you.
We missed you
at the meeting today.
Well, I... I... I
had some car trouble.
- Really? What happened?
- Nothing much.
It's with the... the gears
and the things and the cable.
I'm fine. Car's fine.
Everyone's fine.
Carol, I owe you an apology.
You were right.
We had the carpeting
at the rec center analyzed,
and it's just wreaking
of toxic chemicals.
Well, that is good news.
See, honey,
and you were worried
about being a bad mother?
- A bad mother?
You know what?
I wish all mothers
were as together as you.
Just today, right in front
of the rec center,
I heard some airhead
locked her baby in the car.
I mean, can you believe that?
Get out of here.
Yes, she really did.
No, I mean get out of here.
Carol, I finally got a
fool proof baby gift, for you.
Charley, this is
the same blanket as before.
Not quite. I cut out
all the cowboys and Indians.