Eastbound & Down (2009–2013): Season 3, Episode 2 - Chapter 15 - full transcript
With the baby in tow, a seething Kenny heads north in search of April. Getting no assistance from Dustin, Maria or Jamie, Kenny tracks down his erstwhile lackey Stevie, currently employed at Ashley Schaeffer's car dealership. Kenny crashes a perverse plantation fete the dealer is throwing in an effort to liberate Stevie.
Fuck you.
If she's not back
by the time S.W.A.T. is over...
...then she is gonna have hell to pay.
You hear me?
Yeah, I know.
This makes absolutely no sense at all.
Leave me the kid.
You have sex with me...
...then just leave me
with the kid?
It's not how we do it.
Where is she, Toby?
Where is she?
Where would she have gone to?
What is that smell?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
What'd you eat? Diarrhea?
Perfect. Okay.
That looks good to me.
Yes, April, it is I, Kenny.
You had sex with me last night
and left this morning.
Okay, April, this isn't really funny.
Not sure where you are...
...but I'm starting to guess that
I've been abandoned.
Yes, I'd like a large half Hawaiian,
half pesto pizza.
I have a screaming baby here
and he's super hungry.
Guess what, April, it's me.
Call me back...
...on my cell-phone device,
I would greatly appreciate it.
You know what? Forget that.
I'm coming to find you. Fuck you.
Shit.
Let's go.
That crying's got me
agitated about this sTtuation.
How do you think I feel? Come on.
I'm lending you for 24 hours only...
...the one-and-only, world-famous,
pussy rocket.
I assume this is some kind of emergency.
- Absolutely.
- What are you doing?
I'm gonna take this kid,
put him up April's asshole.
Oh, yeah, that's good,
I like that tone.
Please be careful with this, okay?
- You might want to buckle the kid up too.
- There we are.
Put that goddamn baby inside.
Stupid fucking baby.
I will have this car back tonight,
without a scratch...
-...or my name isn't Kenny fucking Powers.
- There you go. Okay.
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
- What? What happened?
He puked all over your upholstery.
- What?
- He's rejecting the Pepsi.
Shit. I'll go get spray.
Jesus Christ. Come on.
Quick, get some towels.
He shit his pants too.
Don't eat the puke.
Just keep it on the shirt.
April? Party's over.
I'm returning your child.
April. Come out and face
your problems like a man.
This is very, very cuntous behavior.
April. I'm going through your bras.
Dog, you've gotta stay with me.
I'm moving fast today. Come on.
Henderson Realty. Please hold.
What's up, realtors?
Which of these desks belongs to
April Buchanon? Huge tits?
Excuse me?
Never mind, I see a photograph
of the child we share.
Sir, you can't do that.
Kenny?
- Word. What's up, Jamie?
- What the heH are you doing?
Searching for April.
Look, I haven't heard from her.
I'm sorry. I can't help you.
If you've had any correspondence
with her...
...I'm talking a fucking text message,
an email, a fucking emoticon exchange...
...a facsimile, a fucking page,
anything, I deserve to know.
Her son-child deserves to know.
Where's the child?
Homeboy's chilling right here.
What? Jesus, dude.
She left him with you?
I know.
The worst thing ever done to me.
Why the hell do you got him
in a book bag?
Trying to make him eat lettuce.
I poked holes in It,
he can breathe through it.
All right, look, she called me
from the road, all right?
She said she needed time off...
...and she needs to sort some stuff out.
Why would she call you?
She hasn't called me.
I'm her boss.
She should call me when she's gone.
You tell her to get her
lazy ass back to work?
Told her to come when she's ready.
What kind of operation
are you running here?
Tell me how to run my business,
you come here with a baby Tn a bag?
- What's that?
- Oh, excuse me.
Sorry I don't know how
to wrap him in a papoose...
...bounce him on my head
like your people.
Look. I know April, and she wouldn't do
this unless it was a last resort.
I'm putting you on blast, homeboy.
You're moving from neutral ally"
back to hostile threat.
- Kenny--
- Hostile threat.
Okay, so let's get ready
to trust each other.
This is gonna be fun.
Palms up, everybody. Put your
hands out. Take a step Tn.
The reason we had that
fist fight in the supply closet...
...is that Robin has some trust issues.
We're gonna do something
about that right now.
Robin, whenever you are ready...
...I just want you to close your eyes
and trust us.
What's up? ls gay-ass yoga
on the curriculum now?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Heh. That bitch just fell.
That's unfortunate
for all parties involved.
I don't know how to help,
I haven't talked to April in months.
I don't know where she is,
and I don't care.
Good for you, but right now I
need to talk to you, man to man.
I'm running out of options here.
If you hear anything or know
anything, you have to tell me.
You please have to tell me.
- Do I?
- eat;.
And I have absolutely no idea
how to facilitate that.
You have a child in the backpack?
- Yes, he's resting.
- Oh, okay.
Good luck to you with your life.
It's not going to be easy because
both of your parents are horrible.
There, I've helped the child enormously.
Well, I need to get back to work.
What are you laughing at?
It's just amusing how everything
worked out. Isn't it?
Good luck to you.
Great. All of your gloating
has woken the child.
Go back to sleep.
- Hola, Kenny Powers.
- Hola, Maria.
Hola, Toby.
He'd say, "What's up," but April
never taught him to speak.
Got something for you.
It's Friends DVD, season six.
Criterion collections.
Here, tend to this child.
Take him. Take this baby. Thank you.
Oh, my biblioteca, huh?
Don't you dare blame the debacle...
...of the publishing
of my Mexico chronicles on me.
Did you read the preface your
husband wrote? He ruined it.
I can't understand a word.
And why are you wearing FUBU?
That's for them, by them.
You're assimilating weird.
You look like a goddamn
strange sort of Mexican Grimace.
Where's Stevie? I got a mission
for him. It's time-sensitive.
Kia.
What the fuck is that? Use your words
right. Write it down. Put it on paper.
Kia?
Service manager, line one.
Would you lookie there? There's
old whistle dick out here.
Cleaning another car.
Are you getting it clean?
The customer wants it
cleaned and shined.
Hey look, you missed a spot.
Smell that finger.
Smells like Saturday night.
You're a lucky man.
- I will kick your ass.
- Let's go.
Damn, Stevie.
They got you out like a gimp
up in this motherfucker, huh?
What's going on, dos?
What's up?
What are you doing here?
Look, I need you to drop
all this gay bullshit...
...and fucking get back
to work with me.
I need your abilities to do stuff for me.
We gotta go find April,
Wait, wait. And that's
the only reason you came here?
Being that she dropped me
with her fucking kid...
...yes, it is my primary objective.
Well, in that case, good luck to you.
But I really need to get back to work.
What's up with the womanly tone?
Womanly tone? There's no womanly tone,
Kenny.
Stevie, there is some very serious
deep shit happening right now.
I do not have time to play Inspector
Gadget to your emotions. What's up?
What do you want me to say'?
I haven't seen you in a year.
You went to Myrtle Beach
and then you left me in Shelby, okay?
Then I get a phone call out of nowhere
telling me to self-pubHsh your book.
And I did, and now I am
thousands of dollars in debt.
And I'm about to lose my apartment,
all because...
...nobody wanted your dang gum book,
Kenny. Nobody.
You're going to sit here and cry...
...and blame me for the failure
of The Powers of Now?
I said nobody wants to see a
goddamn tale set in Mexico, okay?
I said we got to go heavy
on the Remo Williams adventure shit.
You said we had to go heavy
on the depression, self-help shit.
Now K's a damn muddy miswmosh.
You're a writer, I'm not a writer, I should
have taken your note and I'm sorry.
Bottom line is, Maria, my wife...
...does not think it's a good idea
that I talk to you anymore.
You forgot the most golden of all rules.
What?
Bros before hos.
Ho-ho. You did good, girls.
Grab yourself a donut.
Hold up. Kenny Powers?
Is that you at my new dealership?
Ashley fucking Schaeffer.
Captain Kenneth J. Powers.
This is who you're working for now?
Yeah.
I see you haven't forgotten
about us little people. Whoo.
I thought you owned that BMW joint.
Oh, I did, until I got tangled up with
some Better Business Bureau bullshit.
Misplaced VIN numbers, customer
gouging, allegations of prostitution...
"semi-automatic weapons found
with trace levels of cocaine dust.
Those are just minor details
that don't need to be discussed further.
You firing baseballs around
my place didn't...
...help either
but I'm much happier here.
Kia's a...
A vastly superior machine.
Well, congratulations.
Good for you two butt fuckers.
Now, if you wouldn’t mind just
sashaying on out of here...
...I'd like to finish this private convo
with my business associate.
It's you who needs
to sashay out of here.
Sashay off my property
where I hold my Kias.
Because I'd hate for--
For anything bad to happen to you.
Is that a gun?
Ho-ho-ho. I don't know. Is it?
All right, fine. Whatever.
I will vacate the premises, but not because
you've intimidated me.
But because I'm in the midst
of a very important mission right now.
- To find the fucking mother of my son.
- Okay?
Stevie, come, let's do this.
Au contraire, Kenny Powers.
This little-- This little
baby-faced angel stays with me.
Yeah, he works for me now.
And his chores ain't done
till the sun goes down.
Ain't that right?
Yes, Mr. Schaeffer.
Now, you tell Mn Kenny Powers
to run along now.
Run along now, Kenny Powers.
I'm having a really hard time
shoving this pill up my ass.
Scott can show you how to
shove a pill up your ass.
- Delicious.
- Fuck you, Scott.
Poor Mr. Powers.
Why don't you run along
and play with your imaginary things?
And let me just give you
one thing to remember me by:
Oh! Damn.
Fuck you, fuck you,
especially fuck you.
Yeah, walk on out of here,
you bowlegged piece of shit.
- Oh, my God,
- Oh, I like your musclewshint.
Whoo-hoo!
Whoo. How'd you like that, son?
Well, you get back to work, okay?
And get to rubbing deep
in the crevices.
You're a lucky man.
I'm so wet right now.
Where are the bitches?
Dustin's family.
There's been a disaster tragedy that
requires all of your immediate attentions.
Kenny? What are you doing here?
Hi there, precious.
How are you? Oh my, God.
When was the last time
you changed that baby?
How many times are you supposed to?
Give him to me.
He's got poo-poo running
all down his cellulite.
It's good to see you spending
time with your boy.
Yeah, it's not by choice.
April ditched me with him, then split.
- What?
- Really?
I went by her house, broke in.
She wasn't there.
Then I went by her fucking
place of work.
Had to nearly deliver the critical beat down
to her boss.
He told me she called, talking some
shit about needing some time.
Damn, that sounds serious.
That's some serious shit.
Yeah, no shit it's serious, Dustin.
Stop stating obvious facts.
It's not progressing this dialogue.
Cassie, what are the ladies
at the tampon shop saying?
No, Kenny, I haven't heard a thing.
But I hope nothing
serious happened to her.
To her? What about to me?
I can't even believe this shit is happening.
A, who does this?
Just disappears off the face of the earth
without telling anybody?
And, C, how the fuck
am I gonna raise a kid...
...when I'm trying to rajFsel
a baseball comeback?'?
Plenty of people have kids
and a job. You can do it.
Cassie, you definitely are more
intelligent than my brother...
...who right now sounds
like a goddamn moron.
WeH, you know, I can certainly sympathize
with you, Kenny. Sure.
All right, perfect. Well, then, I have to ask
you guys a very serious question.
Before you answer, I just want you to think
about the well-being of this child.
Will you raise Toby as your own?
We aren't going to raise your child--
What did I say?
I said, look before you leap.
Marinate on it, think about it.
Now then, Dustin, without
being all cunty, you may answer.
We aren't going to raise your child.
I know it seems overwhelming
right now, and to be honest...
...I'm terrified of the thought of you
raising Toby too...
...but, you know,
at the end of the day...
...a baby needs his daddy,
right? And that's you.
All right, final offer.
I'll throw you all motherfuckers
$25 a week...
...which will cover, like, ail his little panty
liners and suches, this little baby stuff.
Kenny, man the fuck up. You got this.
Fine, but I'll have you two know...
...this is the last time I ask either of you
for a favor.
I'm sorry, that's just the way it's gotta be.
Now, hand me my son.
I have a life to ruin.
All right, you're gonna have to
trust me on this, buddy.
I can barely keep my own life together, let
alone be responsible for someone else's.
You, on the other hand...
...you have a destiny much greater
than anything I could afford you.
Your fate vviH be akin to those
who have come before you.
The greats, like Moses, or the baby
from Willow, and other people too.
May the future gods watch over you,
my son.
Find your destiny.
Oh, shit. Kids do the darnedest things.
Shit. Toby.
Toby.
Hola, Maria. I need to talk to Stevie.
Stevie no here.
I understand that you do not like me
hanging around with your husband.
Well, he no here. He; boss'
have dinner party and hleigfot.;.
He's at Schaeffer's house?
Do you know where that
motherfucker lives?
Let's raise a glass, please.
Right here.
To our corporate friends
from the island nation of Korea.
We welcome you.
We hope for many, successful years
of happiness and prosperity...
...to Kia Motor Company.
I'd also like to raise a glass
to my wife, Donna.
Thank you, my darling.
And her luxurious, sumptuous rack.
Rack of boob.
And I'd like to raise a glass to myself,
the leader of this flock.
I work hard every day at getting this hair
in check.
Otherwise, I don't work much at all.
To me.
Dumplings are ready.
Mm, mm-mrn-mm!
Mammy makes the best dumplings
in the world.
Mammy's dumplings
will make you cum.
Oh. Cum fu.
Ashley, I thought I raised
you better than that, boy.
You did, Mammy, but I'm just
all full of Fanta tonight.
You're gonna be full of more
than that, you keep talking.
Sorry, Mammy. Hee-hee-hee.
All right, Maria, you and the kid hang here.
Okay?
I'll go in and get him.
This is my friend's truck...
...so don't mess with the bass settings
or try to drive it, okay?
Okay. Find him.
I Will.
Why the hell you trying to make
the stakes all of sudden real high...
...and freak me the fuck out?
Thanks.
If I could nave your attention
at this point in the evening...
- ...we'd like to introduce our entertainment.
- Mm.
Flown in all the way from the Orient...
...the very mysterious and alluring,
Cherry Blossom.
Oh, so seductive.
Look at the pageantry.
Focus on the pageantry.
She's gorgeous.
Yep, she's gorgeous. She floats.
She floats above the ground.
Subtle movements.
Whoo!
She may give lap dance later on.
She may give? She will give.
Come on, Cherry Blossom,
don't be shy.
Get all the way into the room.
Work the line.
You heard Scott, Cherry Blossom.
Don't disappoint.
Mr. Myung, that little lotus flower
is just your style, isn't it?
Are you getting an erection,
Mr. Myung?
He's getting excited. Yeah.
Do what you gotta do,
Cherry Blossom.
- Show some fish.
- Here we go, Mr. Quon.
We're serving dessert early.
Lift up your Mouse.
Oh. Jackpot.
Cherry Blossom is now
in full bloom.
Rub some, rub some of that
kimchi on that spot.
- Is that sushi?
- Behold the delicious fruits.
It's all yours...
Yes, Cherry Blossom, yes.
Who's gonna be the lucky man?
Ugh.
Aah! Nobody fucking move.
Kenny.
Well, well, well.
If it isn't my old friend, Kenny Powers.
Have you come here to sample
some of Mammy's dumplings?
Fuck those dumplings. I came
hereto liberate my assistant.
You did?
Why the fuck are you dressed up
like The Joy Luck Club?
All I know is, I put on a kimono...
...and then they made me rub
my dick all over people.
It's called sex trafficking, Stevie.
These men are using you.
Mr. Schaeffer, you made me rub
my genitals on another man...
wand I have never done that
before I met you.
So I sincerely say to you,
"Fuck you, Mr. Schaeffer.
I'm going with Kenny fucking Powers."
- Fuck yeah, you are.
- Aah!
Unhand him, Scott.
No. No. Who said you
can come in here...
wand run rampant all over
Ashley Schaeffer...
...in front of his guests...
...and my beautiful, beautiful
sculpture-like wife, Donna?
- You cost me my dealership, Powers.
- I thought you were fine with it.
I'm not fine. I sell fucking Kias.
Think about that. You owe me
a great debt, Powers.
It's time for me to collect.
Anybody ready for
some more dumplings?
- Help me. Help me, boy.
- Mammy.
Let her go.
Not until you unhand Stevie first.
I'm not a slave trader, Powers.
- Oh, she's got my balls.
- Yeah. Go, Mammy, go.
Get the fuck back.
- Go, Mammy, go.
- Oh, shit, oh.
Don't move, boy. I'll blow
your brains out your asshole.
Gabriel. My son, my seed...
...you received my secret
silent command.
Wonderful.
Now, you run upstairs and
go wash yourself for father.
Gentlemen.
Do yourself a favor
and grab your drinks...
...and join me
out on the back patio.
Tonight's going to be a special night.
All right, you all come on out.
Come on.
Don't try nothing.
Koreans, we here in the deep south...
...pride our self
on our after-dinner aperitifs.
One, two, three, behold.
Yes, yes.
- Joseph.
- Me?
I'm talking to you, Joe.
Mammy here told me about your
tomfoolery in the tool shed.
Ashley, that was
supposed to be secrets.
You misunderstood,
Mammy. That was love.
Is it true you taped a spoon to
a rolled-up piece of newspaper...
wand then tried to explore
her privates with it?
Mamrny's a damn liar.
That's what she is.
You's a shit sniffer. Mammy don't lie.
I'm a good Christian Woman.
Hand your firearm over to Scott...
...and prepare to explain yourself
to St. Peter.
Hope you brought your track shoes.
Run.
Joe, I'd get your high step going.
The most fucked-up part
Ts I'm having his baby.
Koreans behold.
If you have any question about
my dedication and loyalty...
...to Kia Motor Company...
...that was one of my
most promising interns.
Cool. That was a wonderful show,
Mr. Schaeffer.
Stevie and myself
will tell no one of this...
...if you let us go right now.
I propose this to you,
Mr. Powers.
If you make it past the shitty creek,
you're a free man.
I'M even let you take
the alluring Cherry Blossom with you.
If you choose not to,
I'\I keep your boy for eternity.
- Eternity?
- How would you even do that?
Don't question, just answer.
How important is this
pathetic man to you?
Light the fucking cannon.
ASHLEY'.
Consummate showman, Powers.
No, Kenny. I'm not worth it.
I'm not worth it.
I know you're not, Stevie,
but I can't raise this kid by myself.
- I need you to move to Myrtle. Yes.
- For real?
- Approach the line.
- Where, exactly, is the line?
The line arts-and-crafted
by my son Gabriel...
...with striking paper and two of
his favorite stuffed animals.
- The“ Got it.
- You'll find it.
- Cherry Blossom, you too.
- Me too?
Apocalypto.
- What?
- Run.
Run, Stevie. Run!
Whoo! Old South.
What is that horrible monster truck doing
riding over my azaleas?
There's no escaping Schaeffer plantation.
I told you not to move
the fucking truck.
Feel the wrath.
Let's go, let's go.
Let's get fuck out of here.
- Go!
- Go!
Aw!
If she's not back
by the time S.W.A.T. is over...
...then she is gonna have hell to pay.
You hear me?
Yeah, I know.
This makes absolutely no sense at all.
Leave me the kid.
You have sex with me...
...then just leave me
with the kid?
It's not how we do it.
Where is she, Toby?
Where is she?
Where would she have gone to?
What is that smell?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
What'd you eat? Diarrhea?
Perfect. Okay.
That looks good to me.
Yes, April, it is I, Kenny.
You had sex with me last night
and left this morning.
Okay, April, this isn't really funny.
Not sure where you are...
...but I'm starting to guess that
I've been abandoned.
Yes, I'd like a large half Hawaiian,
half pesto pizza.
I have a screaming baby here
and he's super hungry.
Guess what, April, it's me.
Call me back...
...on my cell-phone device,
I would greatly appreciate it.
You know what? Forget that.
I'm coming to find you. Fuck you.
Shit.
Let's go.
That crying's got me
agitated about this sTtuation.
How do you think I feel? Come on.
I'm lending you for 24 hours only...
...the one-and-only, world-famous,
pussy rocket.
I assume this is some kind of emergency.
- Absolutely.
- What are you doing?
I'm gonna take this kid,
put him up April's asshole.
Oh, yeah, that's good,
I like that tone.
Please be careful with this, okay?
- You might want to buckle the kid up too.
- There we are.
Put that goddamn baby inside.
Stupid fucking baby.
I will have this car back tonight,
without a scratch...
-...or my name isn't Kenny fucking Powers.
- There you go. Okay.
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
- What? What happened?
He puked all over your upholstery.
- What?
- He's rejecting the Pepsi.
Shit. I'll go get spray.
Jesus Christ. Come on.
Quick, get some towels.
He shit his pants too.
Don't eat the puke.
Just keep it on the shirt.
April? Party's over.
I'm returning your child.
April. Come out and face
your problems like a man.
This is very, very cuntous behavior.
April. I'm going through your bras.
Dog, you've gotta stay with me.
I'm moving fast today. Come on.
Henderson Realty. Please hold.
What's up, realtors?
Which of these desks belongs to
April Buchanon? Huge tits?
Excuse me?
Never mind, I see a photograph
of the child we share.
Sir, you can't do that.
Kenny?
- Word. What's up, Jamie?
- What the heH are you doing?
Searching for April.
Look, I haven't heard from her.
I'm sorry. I can't help you.
If you've had any correspondence
with her...
...I'm talking a fucking text message,
an email, a fucking emoticon exchange...
...a facsimile, a fucking page,
anything, I deserve to know.
Her son-child deserves to know.
Where's the child?
Homeboy's chilling right here.
What? Jesus, dude.
She left him with you?
I know.
The worst thing ever done to me.
Why the hell do you got him
in a book bag?
Trying to make him eat lettuce.
I poked holes in It,
he can breathe through it.
All right, look, she called me
from the road, all right?
She said she needed time off...
...and she needs to sort some stuff out.
Why would she call you?
She hasn't called me.
I'm her boss.
She should call me when she's gone.
You tell her to get her
lazy ass back to work?
Told her to come when she's ready.
What kind of operation
are you running here?
Tell me how to run my business,
you come here with a baby Tn a bag?
- What's that?
- Oh, excuse me.
Sorry I don't know how
to wrap him in a papoose...
...bounce him on my head
like your people.
Look. I know April, and she wouldn't do
this unless it was a last resort.
I'm putting you on blast, homeboy.
You're moving from neutral ally"
back to hostile threat.
- Kenny--
- Hostile threat.
Okay, so let's get ready
to trust each other.
This is gonna be fun.
Palms up, everybody. Put your
hands out. Take a step Tn.
The reason we had that
fist fight in the supply closet...
...is that Robin has some trust issues.
We're gonna do something
about that right now.
Robin, whenever you are ready...
...I just want you to close your eyes
and trust us.
What's up? ls gay-ass yoga
on the curriculum now?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Heh. That bitch just fell.
That's unfortunate
for all parties involved.
I don't know how to help,
I haven't talked to April in months.
I don't know where she is,
and I don't care.
Good for you, but right now I
need to talk to you, man to man.
I'm running out of options here.
If you hear anything or know
anything, you have to tell me.
You please have to tell me.
- Do I?
- eat;.
And I have absolutely no idea
how to facilitate that.
You have a child in the backpack?
- Yes, he's resting.
- Oh, okay.
Good luck to you with your life.
It's not going to be easy because
both of your parents are horrible.
There, I've helped the child enormously.
Well, I need to get back to work.
What are you laughing at?
It's just amusing how everything
worked out. Isn't it?
Good luck to you.
Great. All of your gloating
has woken the child.
Go back to sleep.
- Hola, Kenny Powers.
- Hola, Maria.
Hola, Toby.
He'd say, "What's up," but April
never taught him to speak.
Got something for you.
It's Friends DVD, season six.
Criterion collections.
Here, tend to this child.
Take him. Take this baby. Thank you.
Oh, my biblioteca, huh?
Don't you dare blame the debacle...
...of the publishing
of my Mexico chronicles on me.
Did you read the preface your
husband wrote? He ruined it.
I can't understand a word.
And why are you wearing FUBU?
That's for them, by them.
You're assimilating weird.
You look like a goddamn
strange sort of Mexican Grimace.
Where's Stevie? I got a mission
for him. It's time-sensitive.
Kia.
What the fuck is that? Use your words
right. Write it down. Put it on paper.
Kia?
Service manager, line one.
Would you lookie there? There's
old whistle dick out here.
Cleaning another car.
Are you getting it clean?
The customer wants it
cleaned and shined.
Hey look, you missed a spot.
Smell that finger.
Smells like Saturday night.
You're a lucky man.
- I will kick your ass.
- Let's go.
Damn, Stevie.
They got you out like a gimp
up in this motherfucker, huh?
What's going on, dos?
What's up?
What are you doing here?
Look, I need you to drop
all this gay bullshit...
...and fucking get back
to work with me.
I need your abilities to do stuff for me.
We gotta go find April,
Wait, wait. And that's
the only reason you came here?
Being that she dropped me
with her fucking kid...
...yes, it is my primary objective.
Well, in that case, good luck to you.
But I really need to get back to work.
What's up with the womanly tone?
Womanly tone? There's no womanly tone,
Kenny.
Stevie, there is some very serious
deep shit happening right now.
I do not have time to play Inspector
Gadget to your emotions. What's up?
What do you want me to say'?
I haven't seen you in a year.
You went to Myrtle Beach
and then you left me in Shelby, okay?
Then I get a phone call out of nowhere
telling me to self-pubHsh your book.
And I did, and now I am
thousands of dollars in debt.
And I'm about to lose my apartment,
all because...
...nobody wanted your dang gum book,
Kenny. Nobody.
You're going to sit here and cry...
...and blame me for the failure
of The Powers of Now?
I said nobody wants to see a
goddamn tale set in Mexico, okay?
I said we got to go heavy
on the Remo Williams adventure shit.
You said we had to go heavy
on the depression, self-help shit.
Now K's a damn muddy miswmosh.
You're a writer, I'm not a writer, I should
have taken your note and I'm sorry.
Bottom line is, Maria, my wife...
...does not think it's a good idea
that I talk to you anymore.
You forgot the most golden of all rules.
What?
Bros before hos.
Ho-ho. You did good, girls.
Grab yourself a donut.
Hold up. Kenny Powers?
Is that you at my new dealership?
Ashley fucking Schaeffer.
Captain Kenneth J. Powers.
This is who you're working for now?
Yeah.
I see you haven't forgotten
about us little people. Whoo.
I thought you owned that BMW joint.
Oh, I did, until I got tangled up with
some Better Business Bureau bullshit.
Misplaced VIN numbers, customer
gouging, allegations of prostitution...
"semi-automatic weapons found
with trace levels of cocaine dust.
Those are just minor details
that don't need to be discussed further.
You firing baseballs around
my place didn't...
...help either
but I'm much happier here.
Kia's a...
A vastly superior machine.
Well, congratulations.
Good for you two butt fuckers.
Now, if you wouldn’t mind just
sashaying on out of here...
...I'd like to finish this private convo
with my business associate.
It's you who needs
to sashay out of here.
Sashay off my property
where I hold my Kias.
Because I'd hate for--
For anything bad to happen to you.
Is that a gun?
Ho-ho-ho. I don't know. Is it?
All right, fine. Whatever.
I will vacate the premises, but not because
you've intimidated me.
But because I'm in the midst
of a very important mission right now.
- To find the fucking mother of my son.
- Okay?
Stevie, come, let's do this.
Au contraire, Kenny Powers.
This little-- This little
baby-faced angel stays with me.
Yeah, he works for me now.
And his chores ain't done
till the sun goes down.
Ain't that right?
Yes, Mr. Schaeffer.
Now, you tell Mn Kenny Powers
to run along now.
Run along now, Kenny Powers.
I'm having a really hard time
shoving this pill up my ass.
Scott can show you how to
shove a pill up your ass.
- Delicious.
- Fuck you, Scott.
Poor Mr. Powers.
Why don't you run along
and play with your imaginary things?
And let me just give you
one thing to remember me by:
Oh! Damn.
Fuck you, fuck you,
especially fuck you.
Yeah, walk on out of here,
you bowlegged piece of shit.
- Oh, my God,
- Oh, I like your musclewshint.
Whoo-hoo!
Whoo. How'd you like that, son?
Well, you get back to work, okay?
And get to rubbing deep
in the crevices.
You're a lucky man.
I'm so wet right now.
Where are the bitches?
Dustin's family.
There's been a disaster tragedy that
requires all of your immediate attentions.
Kenny? What are you doing here?
Hi there, precious.
How are you? Oh my, God.
When was the last time
you changed that baby?
How many times are you supposed to?
Give him to me.
He's got poo-poo running
all down his cellulite.
It's good to see you spending
time with your boy.
Yeah, it's not by choice.
April ditched me with him, then split.
- What?
- Really?
I went by her house, broke in.
She wasn't there.
Then I went by her fucking
place of work.
Had to nearly deliver the critical beat down
to her boss.
He told me she called, talking some
shit about needing some time.
Damn, that sounds serious.
That's some serious shit.
Yeah, no shit it's serious, Dustin.
Stop stating obvious facts.
It's not progressing this dialogue.
Cassie, what are the ladies
at the tampon shop saying?
No, Kenny, I haven't heard a thing.
But I hope nothing
serious happened to her.
To her? What about to me?
I can't even believe this shit is happening.
A, who does this?
Just disappears off the face of the earth
without telling anybody?
And, C, how the fuck
am I gonna raise a kid...
...when I'm trying to rajFsel
a baseball comeback?'?
Plenty of people have kids
and a job. You can do it.
Cassie, you definitely are more
intelligent than my brother...
...who right now sounds
like a goddamn moron.
WeH, you know, I can certainly sympathize
with you, Kenny. Sure.
All right, perfect. Well, then, I have to ask
you guys a very serious question.
Before you answer, I just want you to think
about the well-being of this child.
Will you raise Toby as your own?
We aren't going to raise your child--
What did I say?
I said, look before you leap.
Marinate on it, think about it.
Now then, Dustin, without
being all cunty, you may answer.
We aren't going to raise your child.
I know it seems overwhelming
right now, and to be honest...
...I'm terrified of the thought of you
raising Toby too...
...but, you know,
at the end of the day...
...a baby needs his daddy,
right? And that's you.
All right, final offer.
I'll throw you all motherfuckers
$25 a week...
...which will cover, like, ail his little panty
liners and suches, this little baby stuff.
Kenny, man the fuck up. You got this.
Fine, but I'll have you two know...
...this is the last time I ask either of you
for a favor.
I'm sorry, that's just the way it's gotta be.
Now, hand me my son.
I have a life to ruin.
All right, you're gonna have to
trust me on this, buddy.
I can barely keep my own life together, let
alone be responsible for someone else's.
You, on the other hand...
...you have a destiny much greater
than anything I could afford you.
Your fate vviH be akin to those
who have come before you.
The greats, like Moses, or the baby
from Willow, and other people too.
May the future gods watch over you,
my son.
Find your destiny.
Oh, shit. Kids do the darnedest things.
Shit. Toby.
Toby.
Hola, Maria. I need to talk to Stevie.
Stevie no here.
I understand that you do not like me
hanging around with your husband.
Well, he no here. He; boss'
have dinner party and hleigfot.;.
He's at Schaeffer's house?
Do you know where that
motherfucker lives?
Let's raise a glass, please.
Right here.
To our corporate friends
from the island nation of Korea.
We welcome you.
We hope for many, successful years
of happiness and prosperity...
...to Kia Motor Company.
I'd also like to raise a glass
to my wife, Donna.
Thank you, my darling.
And her luxurious, sumptuous rack.
Rack of boob.
And I'd like to raise a glass to myself,
the leader of this flock.
I work hard every day at getting this hair
in check.
Otherwise, I don't work much at all.
To me.
Dumplings are ready.
Mm, mm-mrn-mm!
Mammy makes the best dumplings
in the world.
Mammy's dumplings
will make you cum.
Oh. Cum fu.
Ashley, I thought I raised
you better than that, boy.
You did, Mammy, but I'm just
all full of Fanta tonight.
You're gonna be full of more
than that, you keep talking.
Sorry, Mammy. Hee-hee-hee.
All right, Maria, you and the kid hang here.
Okay?
I'll go in and get him.
This is my friend's truck...
...so don't mess with the bass settings
or try to drive it, okay?
Okay. Find him.
I Will.
Why the hell you trying to make
the stakes all of sudden real high...
...and freak me the fuck out?
Thanks.
If I could nave your attention
at this point in the evening...
- ...we'd like to introduce our entertainment.
- Mm.
Flown in all the way from the Orient...
...the very mysterious and alluring,
Cherry Blossom.
Oh, so seductive.
Look at the pageantry.
Focus on the pageantry.
She's gorgeous.
Yep, she's gorgeous. She floats.
She floats above the ground.
Subtle movements.
Whoo!
She may give lap dance later on.
She may give? She will give.
Come on, Cherry Blossom,
don't be shy.
Get all the way into the room.
Work the line.
You heard Scott, Cherry Blossom.
Don't disappoint.
Mr. Myung, that little lotus flower
is just your style, isn't it?
Are you getting an erection,
Mr. Myung?
He's getting excited. Yeah.
Do what you gotta do,
Cherry Blossom.
- Show some fish.
- Here we go, Mr. Quon.
We're serving dessert early.
Lift up your Mouse.
Oh. Jackpot.
Cherry Blossom is now
in full bloom.
Rub some, rub some of that
kimchi on that spot.
- Is that sushi?
- Behold the delicious fruits.
It's all yours...
Yes, Cherry Blossom, yes.
Who's gonna be the lucky man?
Ugh.
Aah! Nobody fucking move.
Kenny.
Well, well, well.
If it isn't my old friend, Kenny Powers.
Have you come here to sample
some of Mammy's dumplings?
Fuck those dumplings. I came
hereto liberate my assistant.
You did?
Why the fuck are you dressed up
like The Joy Luck Club?
All I know is, I put on a kimono...
...and then they made me rub
my dick all over people.
It's called sex trafficking, Stevie.
These men are using you.
Mr. Schaeffer, you made me rub
my genitals on another man...
wand I have never done that
before I met you.
So I sincerely say to you,
"Fuck you, Mr. Schaeffer.
I'm going with Kenny fucking Powers."
- Fuck yeah, you are.
- Aah!
Unhand him, Scott.
No. No. Who said you
can come in here...
wand run rampant all over
Ashley Schaeffer...
...in front of his guests...
...and my beautiful, beautiful
sculpture-like wife, Donna?
- You cost me my dealership, Powers.
- I thought you were fine with it.
I'm not fine. I sell fucking Kias.
Think about that. You owe me
a great debt, Powers.
It's time for me to collect.
Anybody ready for
some more dumplings?
- Help me. Help me, boy.
- Mammy.
Let her go.
Not until you unhand Stevie first.
I'm not a slave trader, Powers.
- Oh, she's got my balls.
- Yeah. Go, Mammy, go.
Get the fuck back.
- Go, Mammy, go.
- Oh, shit, oh.
Don't move, boy. I'll blow
your brains out your asshole.
Gabriel. My son, my seed...
...you received my secret
silent command.
Wonderful.
Now, you run upstairs and
go wash yourself for father.
Gentlemen.
Do yourself a favor
and grab your drinks...
...and join me
out on the back patio.
Tonight's going to be a special night.
All right, you all come on out.
Come on.
Don't try nothing.
Koreans, we here in the deep south...
...pride our self
on our after-dinner aperitifs.
One, two, three, behold.
Yes, yes.
- Joseph.
- Me?
I'm talking to you, Joe.
Mammy here told me about your
tomfoolery in the tool shed.
Ashley, that was
supposed to be secrets.
You misunderstood,
Mammy. That was love.
Is it true you taped a spoon to
a rolled-up piece of newspaper...
wand then tried to explore
her privates with it?
Mamrny's a damn liar.
That's what she is.
You's a shit sniffer. Mammy don't lie.
I'm a good Christian Woman.
Hand your firearm over to Scott...
...and prepare to explain yourself
to St. Peter.
Hope you brought your track shoes.
Run.
Joe, I'd get your high step going.
The most fucked-up part
Ts I'm having his baby.
Koreans behold.
If you have any question about
my dedication and loyalty...
...to Kia Motor Company...
...that was one of my
most promising interns.
Cool. That was a wonderful show,
Mr. Schaeffer.
Stevie and myself
will tell no one of this...
...if you let us go right now.
I propose this to you,
Mr. Powers.
If you make it past the shitty creek,
you're a free man.
I'M even let you take
the alluring Cherry Blossom with you.
If you choose not to,
I'\I keep your boy for eternity.
- Eternity?
- How would you even do that?
Don't question, just answer.
How important is this
pathetic man to you?
Light the fucking cannon.
ASHLEY'.
Consummate showman, Powers.
No, Kenny. I'm not worth it.
I'm not worth it.
I know you're not, Stevie,
but I can't raise this kid by myself.
- I need you to move to Myrtle. Yes.
- For real?
- Approach the line.
- Where, exactly, is the line?
The line arts-and-crafted
by my son Gabriel...
...with striking paper and two of
his favorite stuffed animals.
- The“ Got it.
- You'll find it.
- Cherry Blossom, you too.
- Me too?
Apocalypto.
- What?
- Run.
Run, Stevie. Run!
Whoo! Old South.
What is that horrible monster truck doing
riding over my azaleas?
There's no escaping Schaeffer plantation.
I told you not to move
the fucking truck.
Feel the wrath.
Let's go, let's go.
Let's get fuck out of here.
- Go!
- Go!
Aw!