Dwight in Shining Armor (2018–2021): Season 2, Episode 10 - Wishy Washy Pt. 1 - full transcript
Ragana, a member of Hexela's coven, arrives in Woodside and immediately rekindles a millennium-old rivalry. Dwight, Baldric and Gretta try to defuse the volatile situation before the witches' battle escalates into a conflagration ...
- Now remember,
apply the potion,
uh cream
[small chuckle]
only after moonrise,
and avoid exposure to firelight
for a good hour.
[giggle]
[mwah, mwah]
Toodles.
Oh, mm.
[laugh]
Oh, who me?
Hello.
Ragana: Boo!
Hexela: [screams]
Ragana: Got you!
[chuckles]
- Ragana.
Ragana: Hexela.
Oh, you darling thing,
how are you?
- Oh, you know,
busy, busy, busy.
[laughs]
- It's been ages, love.
I fear it's starting to show.
- Oh, not a bit.
- I'm on my way,
expect me within the hour.
- Ah, such fun.
[laughs]
[growls]
Ah, floof!
[theme music]
Dwight: Okay, so about
a thousand years ago,
there was this princess, Gretta,
and she was in big trouble,
because she had lots
of enemies
and not a lot of friends.
So her court magician,
Baldric cast the champion spell.
It put everyone
in the woods to sleep
until a champion would come,
break the spell with his kiss
and deal with
Gretta's big, scary enemies.
But that guy never showed up.
Instead...
Ah!
[kiss]
they got me.
Ah!
♪
Ow!
♪
♪
Hexela: Quickly,
all these things must go.
- Where?
Hexela: Away, anywhere but here.
- Why?
Hexela: That witch will steal
anything that isn't nailed down.
[thud]
Baldric: Oh!
This is my book!
- Not now, Baldric!
- I've been looking
everywhere for this book.
- Well, huzzah!
You found it.
[exasperated sigh]
Gretta: Who is this witch
you are expecting?
- Coven-mate of mine.
One of my oldest
and dearest friends.
- Who likes to steal
all your stuff?
- Exactly.
She'll be here any minute!
Goodness!
Ah, here, take the turtle.
And whatever you do,
keep that little--
[Baldric clears throat]
- darling happy.
- 'Kay.
- Okay.
[knocking]
Dwight: Here you go, buddy.
There you go.
Hexela: [whispered] Yes.
[louder] All right!
All right!
Go, go, go!
Come on!
Grab the box!
Here we go,
off you go,
yes,
thank you,
thank you.
Out, out, out this way.
This way.
No, you must go, go, go, go.
Off with you now!
Baldric: I should expect
a more polite tone
from you--
[electrical explosion]
Hexela: [screams] It's too late!
Uh, go, go, go, go.
Hide!
- Hide?
Hexela: And not a peep
out of you!
Baldric: How long?
- Ugh.
Baldric: [quieter] How long?
- She's always early.
[growl]
[exhale]
[loud wind]
- Hexela!
[door shuts]
- Ragana.
- [quietly] Ragana!
[gasp]
[cackling]
Dwight: You know her?
- Sh! Sh!
Sh.
- Oh, it is such fun
to make an entrance.
May your cauldron
ever simmer, sister.
Hexela: And may your brew
ever bubble.
Both: [blowing]
[high-pitched laughing]
Hexela: Have a seat, my dear.
So good of you to, uh, drop by.
I know how busy you are.
Places to go,
and you're such a dear
to squeeze me in,
just for a few minutes.
- Oh, tut-tut, darling.
I have time aplenty.
- Lovely.
Ragana: Mm.
Gretta: How do you know
this witch?
Baldric: Oh.
Which witch?
Ha.
Dwight: How many witches
do you know?
Baldric: It was
a chance encounter,
back in my years of youth
and uh,
folly.
Oh.
[mild chuckle]
[clears throat]
Ragana: Well,
look at you, Hexela.
All settled down and lived in.
[both giggling insincerely]
- Um, cream, sugar,
ground warthog tusk?
- All three, yes, please.
- Mm-hmm.
- What could possibly
keep you here, Hexela?
[ominous music]
- What do you mean?
- Nothing in this world,
could keep me in this place.
- [clears throat]
Ragana: Mm.
Hexela: Oh!
Before I forget,
mmmmm,
boop.
- [gasp and giggle]
Your prime elixir!
- [laughs]
My best batch yet.
- So I see.
- Oh gosh, stop.
It's extraordinary, isn't it?
Ragana: Mm-hmm.
And in exchange...
- Hm?
[gasp]
Your renaissance tonic.
Ragana: Ha!
Make sure
you're really, truly dying
before you take it.
- Always.
[giggling together]
Baldric: She mustn't find me,
not now, not ever.
[glass breaks]
- Oh! Neighbors.
Glassmakers.
Clumsy glassmakers.
[hissing]
- Oh. Uh-oh.
Oh!
[coughing]
[muffled coughing]
- Is there a man
in your life, Hexela?
Hexela: No.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No.
[coughing]
Baldric: Uh, oh.
[coughing]
[muffled coughing]
- You're hiding something,
Hexie,
and I'd bet my eleventh toe
that it's a man.
- [laughs]
Silly, silly, silly idea.
[coughing]
Ragana: Ha! A man!
[coughing]
Hexela: Oh, sweet heaven,
I left a customer stewing
in the supplement sauna!
[coughing]
[door sliding shut]
Hexela: Three customers.
I quite completely forgot
about you.
[laughing]
You know what, amazing result.
Huh?
[clapping]hat, amazing result.
Wow, this is really,
this one's on the house,
kiddos, yeah?
Out the door.
Out you go.
Huh, fare thee well.
Namaste.
- Baldric?!
Baldric: [small gasp]
- What?
Baldric: No, not me.
My name is--
- Baldric!
Hexela: You know each other?
Baldric and Ragana: Oh...
Baldric: No.
Ragana: Yes.
You've been avoiding me,
Baldric.
- [stammering]
[sad laugh]
[scream]
[magical pouf]
Gretta: [gasp]
Hexela: [gasp]
- [laughs loudly]
Gretta: Baldric!
Dwight: What'd she do to him?
Ragana: I petrified him.
- And you did it
quite perfectly, darling.
Ragana: Oh, you're so sweet.
[laughs]
Gretta: Do not fear, Baldric.
I will have you released,
I promise.
Undo the spell at once, witch!
- No, not at once.
After tea.
[laughing]
Gretta: [sigh]
Dwight: Huh.
Ragana: And Vessica,
remember her?
Hexela: Oh, of course,
what is she up to these days?
Ragana: Up to her neck
in beetles,
last time I saw her.
Hexela: You don't say.
Ragana: She made the mistake
of challenging me
to a witch's brawl.
[high-pitched laughter]
- Hey buddy, I'm sorry.
We'll go soon, okay?
We just have to wait
for Baldric to get unpetrified.
But I know this really great
turtle pond you can splash
around in
with all the other turtles.
[magical sound]
Uh.
Ragana: A wish turtle.
Gretta: What's a wish turtle?
Dwight: I wish I knew.
A wish turtle is a turtle
with the power
to grant the person holding it
any wish of his or her heart,
but the wish turtle
will only grant the wish
if it is feeling a deep sense
of contentment.
How do I know that?
Hexela: Because
that's what you wished for,
you sputtle-puffkin.
- Now you're just
making up words.
Ragana: You have
a wish turtle?
Hexela: Insufferable turtle!
I have been pandering
to that turtle for years
and it never granted me a wish.
Ragana: Notoriously fickle
creatures.
- [hisses]
Dwight: So, I really could have
wished for anything?
Gretta: Enough about the turtle,
Sir Dwight.
You have finished your tea,
now release Baldric
as you promised.
- Promised is
an overstatement.
But release him, I shall.
[pouf]
Baldric: [yelling]
[thud]
Gretta: Baldric!
Dwight: Hey, hey, hey,
take it easy man.
Baldric: [grunt]
Ragana, I know you're angry.
Ragana: Oh, quite the contrary.
I'm thrilled to pieces.
Mm.
Hexela: And how do you two
know each other?
- It was ages ago, Hexela.
Long before I knew you.
- You owe me
a debt, Baldric.
A witch's debt.
Gretta: No.
Baldric, what's the first thing
you ever taught me?
- Never owe a debt
to a witch.
Now you know why that's
the first thing I taught you.
Hexela: And pray tell
what is his debt?
- A year of servitude.
- [gasp]
- Payable at once!
[snap]
[poof]
- Oh, uh.
Huh.
- But, uh...
Ragana: [laughing]
Oh, my teacup is empty.
Why is my teacup empty?
Oh, lazy servant.
Fill it at once!
- Now, just a minute.
[gasp]
[magical sounds]
Ah!
A shameless trickster.
[grunting]
You viscious, cold-hearted,
conniving witch.
- Oh, stop Baldric,
you're making me blush.
- May you choke
on every last drop.
- [laughing]
Baldric: May you snort it
directly into your sinuses.
Ragana: [laughing]
Dwight: Psst.
- Oh.
Dwight: What are we going to do?
Gretta: Well, we can't leave
Baldric in her clutches.
Hexela:
We most certainly can't.
He must be ransomed.
Gretta: How?
Hexela: We offer Ragana
something in exchange.
Dwight: What?
Ragana: Oh! I know what I want!
Stew.
Dwight: Really?
Just stew?
- Yes, I will have
my new servant
make me my favorite stew!
Dwight: You know he's just gonna
spit in it, right?
- Well, then
you shall all join me.
[chuckles]
Dwight: Ah.
[magical noises]
[grunting]
Hexela: Ah.
[unintelligible grunting]
Ah, such fun.
- [laughs]
Hexela: [joins half-heartedly]
Gretta and Dwight:
[join in laughing]
Hexela: [laughing]
Oh, I hate you.
- It's the event
of the year, darling.
Everybody comes
from everywhere.
Oh!
You and I should do
a booth together.
Mm,
we'd make a fortune
on your prime elixir.
Hexela: I am sorely tempted.
- Really, Hexie,
you can't stay here.
You know it.
Servant!
I'm getting full
of this popcorn!
Where's my stew?!
Baldric: Almost ready,
you foul-breathed, she-devil.
- [laughs]
- Gah.
Gretta: We will make you
an offer, witch.
Ragana: An offer?
What for?
Dwight: r Baldric.
- What a funny idea.
What could I possibly want
more than this?
Servant, turn around
and face me.
Open your mouth.
Catch this popcorn.
- [grunt]
- Oh, you missed.
- [grunt]
Ragana: [laughs] Oh, try again.
[laughs]
- [grunts]
Ragana: Oh, Baldric,
don't be so hard on yourself,
it's only a game.
- You hideous harpy,
you heinous old crone.
Ah!
- [laughs]
Gretta: I offer you a crown
of pure gold,
inlaid with 40 precious gems.
Dwight: Or what about
this wizardly looking book?
Full of creepy old writing.
Baldric and Hexela:
That's my book!
- How about a chest filled
with pure silver?
Dwight: This oversized cup?
Heh, woo.
- I offer you
my grandmother's sword.
[dragging]
Dwight:
Baldric's favorite chair?
- That's my chair.
Gretta: Boot sweets.
[clatter]
Dwight: Uh.
A brand new ipad.
Gretta: This bust
of King Alsric the Grim.
Dwight: Uh, what about
that elf on the shelf?
Hexela, Gretta and Baldric:
Kofewalt!
Gretta: [panting]
A trusty steed.
[bike bell rings]
- A Jamba Juice gift card.
- [small gasp]
Juice of the Jamba.
- No.
Servant!
- Ha, ha!
Ragana: Don't be smug.
- Oo, ah!
Hexela: Enough, Ragana!
[ominous music]
I'm starving, let's eat.
Ragana: Ah, let's.
Servant, serve the stew.
Baldric: [grunt]
Gretta: There must be something
you'll accept in the place
of Baldric's debt.
- Oh, let me think about
that for a sec,
mm,
nope, nothing.
- Why does he owe you
a witch's debt
in the first place?
- No need to go
into detail.
- I love this story.
Let's all have a seat
and I shall start
from the beginning.
- Oh no.
- Oh, goody.
Come now, Ragana.
It's not even
that good of a story.
- It was years ago,
it was a crisp, fall day.
Baldric was a wide-eyed young
wizard and I was just a--
Baldric: decrepit old bag.
[thunk]
Ragana: He was arrogant
and ambitious.
Out to make a name
for himself, and I was--
Baldric: a shameless trickster,
a bold-faced conniving swindler
of a witch!
- [small chuckle]
- Bored, I was bored.
- Let me guess.
The spoon wager.
- [smug chuckle]
Dwight: What's the spoon wager?
- The oldest trick
in the witch's book.
- I bet Baldric,
that I could levitate a spoon
longer than he could.
- Oh, Baldric, you fell
for the spoon wager?
- I was no more
than a boy.
- Oh.
Baldric: I would have won too,
if she hadn't levitated
her spoon,
directly into my eye.
- What?
- That means
you cheated.
Baldric: [grunt]
- Yes.
Dwight: How do you sleep
at night?
- Oh, I don't.
I'm a day sleeper.
Speaking of,
[high, loud yawn]
look at the sun.
I must be off,
I have a long, exhausting
journey ahead of me.
Oh, servant, carry me
in your arms.
Baldric: Oh.
- But you can't leave
yet, Ragana.
- You haven't heard my offer.
- What is your offer,
darling Hexela?
- A challenge,
my darling Ragana.
I challenge you...
[small magical explosion]
to a witch's brawl.
- Hexela, no, no, no, no.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes!
I accept.
I thought you'd never ask,
my dear.
- Winner gets the magician.
- I knew it.
Dwight: Wait, wait, wait.
Just wait.
What's a witch's brawl?
Gretta: Two witches match
their wits and spells
against one another.
Baldric: Hexela, don't.
It's only a year
of servitude.
- The challenge has
been made and accepted,
there's no turning back now.
- Shall we take this
outside, honey?
- Oh, yes, please,
my sweet.
Dwight: You've got a plan,
right?
Please tell me
you've got a plan.
Hexela: I'm going
to smear the ground
with her smug little face.
Gretta: Hear, hear.
Ragana: Servant, take this.
Baldric: [grunt]
- [sigh of exhilaration]
Massage my shoulders, servant.
Dwight: Sorry little guy,
I didn't forget about you.
Well, I mean, I kinda did, but--
- The turtle.
If it could grant us a wish,
we could use it
to free Baldric.
Hexela: Ha!
Good luck!
Infuriating...ly
delightful, little reptile.
[small laugh]
Gretta: It granted you
a wish last time,
what did you do?
Dwight: I just talked to it.
Gretta: Then talk to it!
Dwight: [unsure]
Hey, Mr. Turtle.
Gretta: Okay,
now rub the turtle.
- [quietly] Ha!
Gretta: Hold its hand.
There we go.
Tickle it's tummy.
- [exhales]
You're wasting your time.
Baldric: Isn't a year
of my servitude enough, Ragana?
Hexela has nothing to do
with this.
- Hexela is my oldest
and dearest friend.
I enjoy nothing more than
taking the things she loves.
- [scoffs]
She does not love--
do not be absurd.
Ragana: You old fool.
- You are an older fool
than I by centuries,
you heartless hag.
[metal rings]
Hexela is going to thrash you.
She's going to crush
your brittle bones
into a fine, white powder,
and then she's gonna whip in
some butter and milk
to make a frosting and then use
that frosting
to decorate a seven-layer cake--
[magical noises]
Baldric: [muffled speaking]
Hexela: It's time.
[exhale]
Stand back.
Dwight:
Back in the pocket, buddy.
We'll go to the turtle pond
You'll love it. witch's brawl,
okay?
Gretta: Sir Dwight.
[fighting]
Hexela: That's my turtle,
and my wish, you fat cow!
- Cow?
Fat?
Dwight: Back off,
you guys are gonna drop him.
Gretta: Make a wish, Sir Dwight!
Dwight: I wish--
- [laughing]
Am I still a fat cow?
Hexela: Fatter than ever!
- [squeal of frustration]
Hexela: Oh, uh, see.
Yeah, the wish is gone and
the turtle is no longer content.
Dwight: Maybe because
you two almost dropped him
on his little head.
Sorry, buddy.
- The boy has a gift.
Gretta: What exactly
do you mean by a gift?
[increasing magical noise]
[deafening whirlwind]
- Dwight.
[birds chirping]
[slurping]
Chlodwig: Gretta!
Are you dead?
- [gasp]
- [grunt]
- Dwight?
- Chlodwig.
- Princess!
Hexela.
My Hexie, Hexie, my Hexie.
Hexie.
- Where is she?!
Baldric: She's gone, my angel.
You have nothing to fear.
- That's where
you're wrong, Baldric.
[breathing heavily]
Where's Sir Dwight?
Gretta: He's gone.
Ragana took him.
[magical noise]
- Ah, Hexela,
how was your nap?
- Oh, Ragana,
imagine what people will say.
You of all witches,
running from a witch's brawl.
- Pfft.
- Where's Sir Dwight?
- Who?
- Dark hair, big cheeks.
- The turtle boy!
- Ah, him.
I have taken him for ransom.
- [muffled yelling]
Chlodwig: Ransom?
- Name your price!
Ragana: Mm,
you are confused, mm,
he is the ransom,
for you, Baldric.
You're free
from your servitude,
your debt is paid.
[small magical explosion]
I shall take the boy instead.
- No!
Ragana: Lovely as always
to see you, Hexela.
Must be off.
- Whither?
Ragana: As far from where
you stand as I can get.
Chlodwig: That's right, witch,
you'd better run.
Ragana: You should leave too,
Hexela.
Before it's too late.
- What do you mean?
Ragana: You know exactly
what I mean, old friend.
You feel it as surely
as I do.
Why you choose to remain
in that dark realm,
I cannot fathom.
Run, Hexela,
while you still may.
An evil is rising
from the ground.
[echo] from the ground.
[rumble]
♪
[thunk]
♪
[thunk]
[metallic ring]
[door opens]
Baldric: Ready, Highness?
- You know
where she's taken him?
Then let's away.
[footsteps]
[rumbling]
[clicking]
[door clicks open]
[door squeaks]
♪
apply the potion,
uh cream
[small chuckle]
only after moonrise,
and avoid exposure to firelight
for a good hour.
[giggle]
[mwah, mwah]
Toodles.
Oh, mm.
[laugh]
Oh, who me?
Hello.
Ragana: Boo!
Hexela: [screams]
Ragana: Got you!
[chuckles]
- Ragana.
Ragana: Hexela.
Oh, you darling thing,
how are you?
- Oh, you know,
busy, busy, busy.
[laughs]
- It's been ages, love.
I fear it's starting to show.
- Oh, not a bit.
- I'm on my way,
expect me within the hour.
- Ah, such fun.
[laughs]
[growls]
Ah, floof!
[theme music]
Dwight: Okay, so about
a thousand years ago,
there was this princess, Gretta,
and she was in big trouble,
because she had lots
of enemies
and not a lot of friends.
So her court magician,
Baldric cast the champion spell.
It put everyone
in the woods to sleep
until a champion would come,
break the spell with his kiss
and deal with
Gretta's big, scary enemies.
But that guy never showed up.
Instead...
Ah!
[kiss]
they got me.
Ah!
♪
Ow!
♪
♪
Hexela: Quickly,
all these things must go.
- Where?
Hexela: Away, anywhere but here.
- Why?
Hexela: That witch will steal
anything that isn't nailed down.
[thud]
Baldric: Oh!
This is my book!
- Not now, Baldric!
- I've been looking
everywhere for this book.
- Well, huzzah!
You found it.
[exasperated sigh]
Gretta: Who is this witch
you are expecting?
- Coven-mate of mine.
One of my oldest
and dearest friends.
- Who likes to steal
all your stuff?
- Exactly.
She'll be here any minute!
Goodness!
Ah, here, take the turtle.
And whatever you do,
keep that little--
[Baldric clears throat]
- darling happy.
- 'Kay.
- Okay.
[knocking]
Dwight: Here you go, buddy.
There you go.
Hexela: [whispered] Yes.
[louder] All right!
All right!
Go, go, go!
Come on!
Grab the box!
Here we go,
off you go,
yes,
thank you,
thank you.
Out, out, out this way.
This way.
No, you must go, go, go, go.
Off with you now!
Baldric: I should expect
a more polite tone
from you--
[electrical explosion]
Hexela: [screams] It's too late!
Uh, go, go, go, go.
Hide!
- Hide?
Hexela: And not a peep
out of you!
Baldric: How long?
- Ugh.
Baldric: [quieter] How long?
- She's always early.
[growl]
[exhale]
[loud wind]
- Hexela!
[door shuts]
- Ragana.
- [quietly] Ragana!
[gasp]
[cackling]
Dwight: You know her?
- Sh! Sh!
Sh.
- Oh, it is such fun
to make an entrance.
May your cauldron
ever simmer, sister.
Hexela: And may your brew
ever bubble.
Both: [blowing]
[high-pitched laughing]
Hexela: Have a seat, my dear.
So good of you to, uh, drop by.
I know how busy you are.
Places to go,
and you're such a dear
to squeeze me in,
just for a few minutes.
- Oh, tut-tut, darling.
I have time aplenty.
- Lovely.
Ragana: Mm.
Gretta: How do you know
this witch?
Baldric: Oh.
Which witch?
Ha.
Dwight: How many witches
do you know?
Baldric: It was
a chance encounter,
back in my years of youth
and uh,
folly.
Oh.
[mild chuckle]
[clears throat]
Ragana: Well,
look at you, Hexela.
All settled down and lived in.
[both giggling insincerely]
- Um, cream, sugar,
ground warthog tusk?
- All three, yes, please.
- Mm-hmm.
- What could possibly
keep you here, Hexela?
[ominous music]
- What do you mean?
- Nothing in this world,
could keep me in this place.
- [clears throat]
Ragana: Mm.
Hexela: Oh!
Before I forget,
mmmmm,
boop.
- [gasp and giggle]
Your prime elixir!
- [laughs]
My best batch yet.
- So I see.
- Oh gosh, stop.
It's extraordinary, isn't it?
Ragana: Mm-hmm.
And in exchange...
- Hm?
[gasp]
Your renaissance tonic.
Ragana: Ha!
Make sure
you're really, truly dying
before you take it.
- Always.
[giggling together]
Baldric: She mustn't find me,
not now, not ever.
[glass breaks]
- Oh! Neighbors.
Glassmakers.
Clumsy glassmakers.
[hissing]
- Oh. Uh-oh.
Oh!
[coughing]
[muffled coughing]
- Is there a man
in your life, Hexela?
Hexela: No.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No.
[coughing]
Baldric: Uh, oh.
[coughing]
[muffled coughing]
- You're hiding something,
Hexie,
and I'd bet my eleventh toe
that it's a man.
- [laughs]
Silly, silly, silly idea.
[coughing]
Ragana: Ha! A man!
[coughing]
Hexela: Oh, sweet heaven,
I left a customer stewing
in the supplement sauna!
[coughing]
[door sliding shut]
Hexela: Three customers.
I quite completely forgot
about you.
[laughing]
You know what, amazing result.
Huh?
[clapping]hat, amazing result.
Wow, this is really,
this one's on the house,
kiddos, yeah?
Out the door.
Out you go.
Huh, fare thee well.
Namaste.
- Baldric?!
Baldric: [small gasp]
- What?
Baldric: No, not me.
My name is--
- Baldric!
Hexela: You know each other?
Baldric and Ragana: Oh...
Baldric: No.
Ragana: Yes.
You've been avoiding me,
Baldric.
- [stammering]
[sad laugh]
[scream]
[magical pouf]
Gretta: [gasp]
Hexela: [gasp]
- [laughs loudly]
Gretta: Baldric!
Dwight: What'd she do to him?
Ragana: I petrified him.
- And you did it
quite perfectly, darling.
Ragana: Oh, you're so sweet.
[laughs]
Gretta: Do not fear, Baldric.
I will have you released,
I promise.
Undo the spell at once, witch!
- No, not at once.
After tea.
[laughing]
Gretta: [sigh]
Dwight: Huh.
Ragana: And Vessica,
remember her?
Hexela: Oh, of course,
what is she up to these days?
Ragana: Up to her neck
in beetles,
last time I saw her.
Hexela: You don't say.
Ragana: She made the mistake
of challenging me
to a witch's brawl.
[high-pitched laughter]
- Hey buddy, I'm sorry.
We'll go soon, okay?
We just have to wait
for Baldric to get unpetrified.
But I know this really great
turtle pond you can splash
around in
with all the other turtles.
[magical sound]
Uh.
Ragana: A wish turtle.
Gretta: What's a wish turtle?
Dwight: I wish I knew.
A wish turtle is a turtle
with the power
to grant the person holding it
any wish of his or her heart,
but the wish turtle
will only grant the wish
if it is feeling a deep sense
of contentment.
How do I know that?
Hexela: Because
that's what you wished for,
you sputtle-puffkin.
- Now you're just
making up words.
Ragana: You have
a wish turtle?
Hexela: Insufferable turtle!
I have been pandering
to that turtle for years
and it never granted me a wish.
Ragana: Notoriously fickle
creatures.
- [hisses]
Dwight: So, I really could have
wished for anything?
Gretta: Enough about the turtle,
Sir Dwight.
You have finished your tea,
now release Baldric
as you promised.
- Promised is
an overstatement.
But release him, I shall.
[pouf]
Baldric: [yelling]
[thud]
Gretta: Baldric!
Dwight: Hey, hey, hey,
take it easy man.
Baldric: [grunt]
Ragana, I know you're angry.
Ragana: Oh, quite the contrary.
I'm thrilled to pieces.
Mm.
Hexela: And how do you two
know each other?
- It was ages ago, Hexela.
Long before I knew you.
- You owe me
a debt, Baldric.
A witch's debt.
Gretta: No.
Baldric, what's the first thing
you ever taught me?
- Never owe a debt
to a witch.
Now you know why that's
the first thing I taught you.
Hexela: And pray tell
what is his debt?
- A year of servitude.
- [gasp]
- Payable at once!
[snap]
[poof]
- Oh, uh.
Huh.
- But, uh...
Ragana: [laughing]
Oh, my teacup is empty.
Why is my teacup empty?
Oh, lazy servant.
Fill it at once!
- Now, just a minute.
[gasp]
[magical sounds]
Ah!
A shameless trickster.
[grunting]
You viscious, cold-hearted,
conniving witch.
- Oh, stop Baldric,
you're making me blush.
- May you choke
on every last drop.
- [laughing]
Baldric: May you snort it
directly into your sinuses.
Ragana: [laughing]
Dwight: Psst.
- Oh.
Dwight: What are we going to do?
Gretta: Well, we can't leave
Baldric in her clutches.
Hexela:
We most certainly can't.
He must be ransomed.
Gretta: How?
Hexela: We offer Ragana
something in exchange.
Dwight: What?
Ragana: Oh! I know what I want!
Stew.
Dwight: Really?
Just stew?
- Yes, I will have
my new servant
make me my favorite stew!
Dwight: You know he's just gonna
spit in it, right?
- Well, then
you shall all join me.
[chuckles]
Dwight: Ah.
[magical noises]
[grunting]
Hexela: Ah.
[unintelligible grunting]
Ah, such fun.
- [laughs]
Hexela: [joins half-heartedly]
Gretta and Dwight:
[join in laughing]
Hexela: [laughing]
Oh, I hate you.
- It's the event
of the year, darling.
Everybody comes
from everywhere.
Oh!
You and I should do
a booth together.
Mm,
we'd make a fortune
on your prime elixir.
Hexela: I am sorely tempted.
- Really, Hexie,
you can't stay here.
You know it.
Servant!
I'm getting full
of this popcorn!
Where's my stew?!
Baldric: Almost ready,
you foul-breathed, she-devil.
- [laughs]
- Gah.
Gretta: We will make you
an offer, witch.
Ragana: An offer?
What for?
Dwight: r Baldric.
- What a funny idea.
What could I possibly want
more than this?
Servant, turn around
and face me.
Open your mouth.
Catch this popcorn.
- [grunt]
- Oh, you missed.
- [grunt]
Ragana: [laughs] Oh, try again.
[laughs]
- [grunts]
Ragana: Oh, Baldric,
don't be so hard on yourself,
it's only a game.
- You hideous harpy,
you heinous old crone.
Ah!
- [laughs]
Gretta: I offer you a crown
of pure gold,
inlaid with 40 precious gems.
Dwight: Or what about
this wizardly looking book?
Full of creepy old writing.
Baldric and Hexela:
That's my book!
- How about a chest filled
with pure silver?
Dwight: This oversized cup?
Heh, woo.
- I offer you
my grandmother's sword.
[dragging]
Dwight:
Baldric's favorite chair?
- That's my chair.
Gretta: Boot sweets.
[clatter]
Dwight: Uh.
A brand new ipad.
Gretta: This bust
of King Alsric the Grim.
Dwight: Uh, what about
that elf on the shelf?
Hexela, Gretta and Baldric:
Kofewalt!
Gretta: [panting]
A trusty steed.
[bike bell rings]
- A Jamba Juice gift card.
- [small gasp]
Juice of the Jamba.
- No.
Servant!
- Ha, ha!
Ragana: Don't be smug.
- Oo, ah!
Hexela: Enough, Ragana!
[ominous music]
I'm starving, let's eat.
Ragana: Ah, let's.
Servant, serve the stew.
Baldric: [grunt]
Gretta: There must be something
you'll accept in the place
of Baldric's debt.
- Oh, let me think about
that for a sec,
mm,
nope, nothing.
- Why does he owe you
a witch's debt
in the first place?
- No need to go
into detail.
- I love this story.
Let's all have a seat
and I shall start
from the beginning.
- Oh no.
- Oh, goody.
Come now, Ragana.
It's not even
that good of a story.
- It was years ago,
it was a crisp, fall day.
Baldric was a wide-eyed young
wizard and I was just a--
Baldric: decrepit old bag.
[thunk]
Ragana: He was arrogant
and ambitious.
Out to make a name
for himself, and I was--
Baldric: a shameless trickster,
a bold-faced conniving swindler
of a witch!
- [small chuckle]
- Bored, I was bored.
- Let me guess.
The spoon wager.
- [smug chuckle]
Dwight: What's the spoon wager?
- The oldest trick
in the witch's book.
- I bet Baldric,
that I could levitate a spoon
longer than he could.
- Oh, Baldric, you fell
for the spoon wager?
- I was no more
than a boy.
- Oh.
Baldric: I would have won too,
if she hadn't levitated
her spoon,
directly into my eye.
- What?
- That means
you cheated.
Baldric: [grunt]
- Yes.
Dwight: How do you sleep
at night?
- Oh, I don't.
I'm a day sleeper.
Speaking of,
[high, loud yawn]
look at the sun.
I must be off,
I have a long, exhausting
journey ahead of me.
Oh, servant, carry me
in your arms.
Baldric: Oh.
- But you can't leave
yet, Ragana.
- You haven't heard my offer.
- What is your offer,
darling Hexela?
- A challenge,
my darling Ragana.
I challenge you...
[small magical explosion]
to a witch's brawl.
- Hexela, no, no, no, no.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes!
I accept.
I thought you'd never ask,
my dear.
- Winner gets the magician.
- I knew it.
Dwight: Wait, wait, wait.
Just wait.
What's a witch's brawl?
Gretta: Two witches match
their wits and spells
against one another.
Baldric: Hexela, don't.
It's only a year
of servitude.
- The challenge has
been made and accepted,
there's no turning back now.
- Shall we take this
outside, honey?
- Oh, yes, please,
my sweet.
Dwight: You've got a plan,
right?
Please tell me
you've got a plan.
Hexela: I'm going
to smear the ground
with her smug little face.
Gretta: Hear, hear.
Ragana: Servant, take this.
Baldric: [grunt]
- [sigh of exhilaration]
Massage my shoulders, servant.
Dwight: Sorry little guy,
I didn't forget about you.
Well, I mean, I kinda did, but--
- The turtle.
If it could grant us a wish,
we could use it
to free Baldric.
Hexela: Ha!
Good luck!
Infuriating...ly
delightful, little reptile.
[small laugh]
Gretta: It granted you
a wish last time,
what did you do?
Dwight: I just talked to it.
Gretta: Then talk to it!
Dwight: [unsure]
Hey, Mr. Turtle.
Gretta: Okay,
now rub the turtle.
- [quietly] Ha!
Gretta: Hold its hand.
There we go.
Tickle it's tummy.
- [exhales]
You're wasting your time.
Baldric: Isn't a year
of my servitude enough, Ragana?
Hexela has nothing to do
with this.
- Hexela is my oldest
and dearest friend.
I enjoy nothing more than
taking the things she loves.
- [scoffs]
She does not love--
do not be absurd.
Ragana: You old fool.
- You are an older fool
than I by centuries,
you heartless hag.
[metal rings]
Hexela is going to thrash you.
She's going to crush
your brittle bones
into a fine, white powder,
and then she's gonna whip in
some butter and milk
to make a frosting and then use
that frosting
to decorate a seven-layer cake--
[magical noises]
Baldric: [muffled speaking]
Hexela: It's time.
[exhale]
Stand back.
Dwight:
Back in the pocket, buddy.
We'll go to the turtle pond
You'll love it. witch's brawl,
okay?
Gretta: Sir Dwight.
[fighting]
Hexela: That's my turtle,
and my wish, you fat cow!
- Cow?
Fat?
Dwight: Back off,
you guys are gonna drop him.
Gretta: Make a wish, Sir Dwight!
Dwight: I wish--
- [laughing]
Am I still a fat cow?
Hexela: Fatter than ever!
- [squeal of frustration]
Hexela: Oh, uh, see.
Yeah, the wish is gone and
the turtle is no longer content.
Dwight: Maybe because
you two almost dropped him
on his little head.
Sorry, buddy.
- The boy has a gift.
Gretta: What exactly
do you mean by a gift?
[increasing magical noise]
[deafening whirlwind]
- Dwight.
[birds chirping]
[slurping]
Chlodwig: Gretta!
Are you dead?
- [gasp]
- [grunt]
- Dwight?
- Chlodwig.
- Princess!
Hexela.
My Hexie, Hexie, my Hexie.
Hexie.
- Where is she?!
Baldric: She's gone, my angel.
You have nothing to fear.
- That's where
you're wrong, Baldric.
[breathing heavily]
Where's Sir Dwight?
Gretta: He's gone.
Ragana took him.
[magical noise]
- Ah, Hexela,
how was your nap?
- Oh, Ragana,
imagine what people will say.
You of all witches,
running from a witch's brawl.
- Pfft.
- Where's Sir Dwight?
- Who?
- Dark hair, big cheeks.
- The turtle boy!
- Ah, him.
I have taken him for ransom.
- [muffled yelling]
Chlodwig: Ransom?
- Name your price!
Ragana: Mm,
you are confused, mm,
he is the ransom,
for you, Baldric.
You're free
from your servitude,
your debt is paid.
[small magical explosion]
I shall take the boy instead.
- No!
Ragana: Lovely as always
to see you, Hexela.
Must be off.
- Whither?
Ragana: As far from where
you stand as I can get.
Chlodwig: That's right, witch,
you'd better run.
Ragana: You should leave too,
Hexela.
Before it's too late.
- What do you mean?
Ragana: You know exactly
what I mean, old friend.
You feel it as surely
as I do.
Why you choose to remain
in that dark realm,
I cannot fathom.
Run, Hexela,
while you still may.
An evil is rising
from the ground.
[echo] from the ground.
[rumble]
♪
[thunk]
♪
[thunk]
[metallic ring]
[door opens]
Baldric: Ready, Highness?
- You know
where she's taken him?
Then let's away.
[footsteps]
[rumbling]
[clicking]
[door clicks open]
[door squeaks]
♪