Duck Dynasty (2012–2017): Season 1, Episode 15 - Willie Stay or Willie Go - full transcript

Y'ALL READY?

Both: YEAH.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, WE GOT IT.

LET THE GAME BEGIN!

WORK WITHOUT FUN IS LIKE PEANUT
BUTTER WITHOUT JELLY. BORING.

GOTTA GET IT FAST, DUDE.

GET THE REBOUND.

GET YOU SOME OF THAT.

IF ALL WE DO IS BUILD DUCK
CALLS, LOOK, WE WON'T BE ABLE TO

FIT THROUGH THE DOOR.



WHOA!

UH-OH, MAN DOWN.

I'M TRYING TO HELP
THIS COMPANY OUT.

JASE.

AH, GOD!

SI, YOU GOTTA CALL A FOUL!

NAH, AIN'T NO FOUL.

GET HIM! GET HIM, GODWIN!

NOW, THAT'S DEFENSE!

WHERE'S THE FOUL AT?

HOLD IT.

WHAT?

HEY! EITHER DRIBBLE IT
OR SHOOT IT, BUT, HEY, QUIT

CRYING ON THE COURT.



IN THE MILITARY, WHEN
I PLAYED BASKETBALL...

WE PLAYED BAREFOOT IN GRAVEL.

THERE WAS SNAKES AND
GATORS ON THE COURT.

SOMETIMES, WE DIDN'T
EVEN HAVE A BALL.

WE'D HAVE TO
PRETEND WE HAD A BALL.

STOP BEING A WUSSY.

TRY STEALING THE
BALL THAT AIN'T THERE.

RIDICULOUS.

WE'RE GOING JUNGLE
RULES HERE, BOYS.

WHAT'S UP?

ANOTHER BASKETBALL GAME?

NO, THIS IS THE
CHAMPIONSHIP GAME, THIS IS...

THREE DAYS IN A ROW,
Y'ALL BEEN PLAYING BALL.

I APPLAUD YOU FOR
TRYING TO GET IN SHAPE.

THAT'S GREAT.

LORD KNOWS YOU NEED IT.

WE AIN'T GOT TIME
TO BE PLAYING BALL.

BUT, HEY, MARTIN LOOKS LIKE
PATRICK EWING IN THE FOURTH

QUARTER JUST FROM
GETTING OUT OF HIS TRUCK.

HE WON'T BE ABLE TO SHOVE THREE DUCK
CALLS TOGETHER AFTER A GAME OF HORSE.

WHY DON'T Y'ALL JUST
DO THIS AFTER WORK?

WE'RE TOO TIRED AFTER WORK.

UH-OH.

GIVE ME THE BALL.

JASE, GIVE ME THE DARN BALL.

GIVE ME THAT BALL, JASE.

GIVE ME THE BALL.

THERE YOU GO.

ALL RIGHT.

PSYCH!

WHAT'D YOU SAY?

PSYCH!

NOBODY SAYS THAT ANYMORE, SI.

YEAH, THEY DO... I DO, JACK.

BOYS, I KNOW ALL
THE NEW PHRASES.

COWABUNGA, RADICAL, CAT'S
PAJAMAS, DUH, AND, "HEY, HOMEY

DON'T PLAY THAT."

BOOYAH!

GET BACK TO WORK.

GIVE ME THE DARN BALL.

YOU'RE GONNA GET FIRED.

GET OUT OF THERE.

WHOA, HEY, MAN.

WHOA, WHOA. HEY, HEY.

GAH! OH!

FOUL! FOUL!

HEY, THAT WAS FLAGRANT.

YES. HOW'S THAT?

BALL GAME'S OVER.

GET BACK TO WORK.

THAT WAS A FOUL.

WILLIE FOULED BOTH OF Y'ALL.

MEET THE ROBERTSON CLAN.

THEY TURN DUCK CALLS...

INTO A MULTIMILLION-DOLLAR

EMPIRE.

BUT RUNNING A FAMILY BUSINESS IS
TOUGH WHEN THE FAMILY JUST WANTS

TO RUN WILD.

♪ SILK SUIT, BLACK TIE ♪
♪ I DON'T NEED A REASON WHY ♪

♪ THEY COME RUNNIN' ♪
♪ JUST AS FAST AS THEY CAN ♪

♪ 'CAUSE EVERY GIRL CRAZY ♪
♪ 'BOUT A SHARP-DRESSED MAN ♪

THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST

THINGS ABOUT THIS COMPANY...
THE COMPANY RETREAT.

WHEN WE HAVE A RETREAT,
THAT MEANS WE'RE GOING HUNTING.

SO I'M HAPPY.

YOU RECKON YOU
GOT ENOUGH SHELLS?

LAST THING WE GONNA DO
IS RUN OUT OF AMMO, BOYS.

I DO A LOT OF RETREATING.

MY WHOLE LIFE'S A RETREAT.

BUT IT SEEMS LIKE IT'S A
LITTLE EARLIER THIS YEAR.

IT IS THOUGH, ISN'T IT?

YEAH.

THERE AIN'T BUT TWO SEASONS
OPEN: HOG AND TURKEY.

WELL, LET'S KILL SOMETHING
BEFORE... WHERE THE...

I'M WAITING ON WILLIE.

I DON'T KNOW HE'S...
HEY, WILLIE IS PROBABLY IN

HIS STUFFY OFFICE DOING
STUFFY BUSINESS AS USUAL.

WELL, I'M GOING TO GET HIM.

WELL, GO GET HIM.

ALL RIGHT? I'M TIRED OF WAITING.

WE'RE GONNA HUNT, GONNA HUNT!

LET'S GO!

WANNA SIT OUT IN THE
PARKING LOT, I'M OUT!

OF COURSE IT'S AN
ATTRACTIVE OFFER.

WILLIE, LET'S GO.

WHO WOULDN'T BE
INTERESTED IN THAT?

I GOT SOME BIG NEWS.

I'VE GOT ANOTHER JOB
OFFER FROM A BIG COMPANY.

WE'RE WAITING.

TELL YOU WHAT, I'LL
CALL YOU BACK. STOP IT.

HERE.

NO, IT'S ONE OF MY KIDS.

I'VE GOTTEN THESE OFFERS BEFORE.

AND I JUST TURN THEM DOWN.

I SAY, "NO, NO, THANKS," BUT
THIS ONE... THIS IS ONE OF THOSE

THAT'S GONNA BE HARD
TO WALK AWAY FROM.

THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT.

LET'S... LET'S GO, MAN!

DUDE, I'M READY.

I HAD ONE PHONE CALL.

- I - TAKE PHONE CALLS.

LET'S GO KILL SOMETHING.

WHAT ALL WE GOING AFTER, ANYWAY?

YEAH, I'M THINKING HOG.

ONE THING FOR SURE,
WE AIN'T DUCK HUNTING.

OH, I GOT SOMETHING
SPECIAL PLANNED.

I ALWAYS LOOK
FORWARD TO THE RETREAT.

EVERY YEAR WE GO HUNTING.

BUT THIS YEAR, I GOT A
LITTLE SURPRISE FOR THEM.

THIS AIN'T EXACTLY LOOKING
LIKE A PLACE TO HUNT THERE,

WILL.

WHERE I'M TAKING THE GUYS IS
A LITTLE OUT OF THEIR COMFORT

ZONE.

SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA SHAKE IT UP.

IT DON'T LOOK LIKE NO
HUNTING HOLE TO ME.

JUST WAIT.

HEY, THERE AIN'T NOTHING HERE.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE WE AT.

WAY TOO MANY HOUSES.

IT'S LIKE I'M AN ALIEN COUNTRY.

ARE YOU LOST?

ALL RIGHT, WE'RE HERE.

OH, HEY.

WHERE IS THIS PLACE?

IS THAT A SWIMMING POOL?

COME ON, I'LL EXPLAIN LATER.

OUR COUNSELOR'S WAITING.

COUNSELOR?

THIS IS NOT THE
WILD, WILD WOODS.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

THE WHOLE THING IS
MAKING ME NAUSEOUS.

HEY, THIS DON'T LOOK
LIKE NO HUNTING CAMP.

THERE'S WOODS.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA BE KILLING?

WE'RE GONNA BE
KILLING FEAR, DOUBT...

WHAT?

HESITANCY.

THAT ALREADY SEEMS
STUPID TO ME, WILLIE.

THIS IS A TEAM-BUILDING CAMP.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

A TEAM-BUILDING CAMP?

IF I WAS TRYING TO BUILD A TEAM
FULL OF IDIOTS, THAT'S WHAT I'D

DO.

THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING
YOU'VE EVER COME UP WITH.

WILL THERE BE ANY
RUNNING INVOLVED?

THIS IS A TEAM-BUILDING CAMP.

WE'LL SEE WEAKNESSES,
WE'LL SEE FLAWS.

YOU DONE BEEN READING
TOO MANY BOOKS, SON.

NO, HE'S BEEN WATCHING
OPRAH WINFREY OR SOMETHING.

WILLIE PUT THE BAMBOOZLE
ON THE WHOLE BUNCH OF US.

CRAZY KNUCKLEHEAD.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
WORK TOGETHER AS A TEAM.

ARE THE KEYS IN THIS THING?

UH-UH, JACK.

BOYS, I MIGHT HAVE TO GO AWOL.

HEY, GUYS. HEY, WILLIE.

HEY!

HEY, I'M TRENT.

TRENT. OH! NICE TO SEE YOU.

GOOD TO SEE YOU, MAN.

THIS MUST BE THE REST OF
THE DUCK COMMANDER CREW.

WE'RE HERE, THIS IS THE CREW.

WELL, IT'S GREAT THAT
YOU GUYS ARE HERE.

THIS IS OBVIOUSLY
SOMETHING THAT'S NEEDED.

AND I KNOW THAT, BY THE END
OF THE DAY, YOU'LL REALLY GET A

SENSE FOR YOUR TRUST AND
TEAMWORK AND WHAT YOU CAN REALLY

DO WHEN YOU WORK TOGETHER.

HEY, TRENT, LOOK, IT'S GOOD
TO MEET YOU AND ALL, BUT WE'RE

NOT GONNA BE HERE LONG.

THAT'S WHAT WE NEED
TO WORK ON RIGHT THERE.

YOU BET, YOU BET.

THAT KIND OF ATTITUDE.

THERE IS SOMETHING WAITING IN
THESE WOODS THAT YOU'VE NEVER

GOTTEN TO SEE BEFORE.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

IT'S A JOKE, RIGHT?

NO, IT'S NO JOKE.

YOU DONE LOST YOUR MIND.

NEXT THING YOU KNOW, HE'LL HAVE
US HOLDING HANDS, AND WE'LL BE

SINGING KUMBAYA
AROUND THE CAMPFIRE.

IT'S GONNA BE MORE THAN WHAT
EVEN WE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE WHEN

WE SPOKE OVER THE PHONE.

♪ KUMBAYA, MY LORD ♪
♪ KUMBAYA ♪

FACE YOUR FEARS.

SOMETIMES IT TAKES TIME.

LIKE A HIPPIE COMMUNE HERE.

RIGHT THIS WAY, GUYS.

THIS IS NOT A JOKE?

NO WEAPONS EITHER.

NO WEAPONS?

I'M GONNA CHECK Y'ALL FOR GUNS.

ALL RIGHT NOW, I'M
GLAD YOU CALLED.

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT
WE'RE DESIGNED FOR.

OH, THIS IS IT.

THEY'RE GONNA GET INTO IT.

YEAH, I THINK SO. I THINK SO.

GUYS, THIS IS OUR
FIRST ELEMENT TODAY.

DEER STAND.

I CAN GO GET MY BOW RIGHT

NOW.

THAT'S NOT A DEER STAND.

YEAH.

I KNOW THIS PROBABLY
LOOKS LIKE A DEER STAND.

THIS ACTUALLY WHAT
WE CALL A TRUST FALL.

THIS IS AN EVENT THAT WILL HELP
YOU GUYS REALLY GET A CHANCE

TO SEE THE LEVEL OF TRUST
YOU SHARE BETWEEN EACH OTHER.

HEY, I COME UP HERE THIS

MORNING TRUSTING THAT WE WAS
GOING ON A HOG HUNT OR A TURKEY

HUNT, AND THEN HERE I AM
TALKING TO A PSYCHIATRIST.

TO SAY I HAVE GOT A LITTLE

TRUST ISSUE WITH HIM
IS A UNDERSTATEMENT.

SURE.

WHAT AM I ACTUALLY
SUPPOSED TO DO HERE?

SI, YOU WOULD WALK UP TO THE
TOP OF THIS PLATFORM, TURN, AND

FACE THIS TREE.

AND I WANT YOU TO JUST FALL
BACK AND LET US CATCH YOU.

WE GOT YOU, SI.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

WE GOT THAT.

SI, IT'S GONNA CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

THAT'S WHAT I'M AFRAID OF.

I'M AFRAID IT'S GONNA
PUT ME IN A WHEELCHAIR.

BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE SI'S AT

THE AGE WHERE, IF
WE DON'T CATCH HIM...

IT'S OVER.

THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT.

THIS IS GONNA BE
ABSOLUTELY GREAT.

ARE WE REALLY GONNA DO THIS?

SERIOUSLY, WE'RE GONNA DO THIS?

SI NEEDS YOU TO CATCH HIM.

THIS IS CALLED BEING
STUPID TOGETHER.

SI, I WANT YOU TO SAY,
"TRUSTING," BECAUSE I...

WHY DON'T I JUST GO AHEAD
AND GET DOWN THE LADDER?

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!

THE LAST THING I WANNA DO
IS FALL, HOPING THESE IDIOTS

WILL CATCH ME.

HERE WE GO, SI.

I'M GONNA HIT THE GROUND!

THIS IS THE DUMBEST THING
YOU HAVE EVER DONE, SILAS

MERRITT ROBERTSON.

TRUSTING.

OKAY, WE'RE TRUSTING.

SI, YOU SAY, "FALLING."

FALLING!

All: FALL AWAY.

PSYCH!

YOU GUYS, I'D REALLY LIKE TO

TRY AND GET THIS GOING, OKAY?

ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO, SI.

NOW, SI, YOU'RE
GONNA SAY, "FALLING."

WE'RE GONNA SAY,
"FALL AWAY"... FALLING!

LOOK OUT.

GOOD LORD!

OH, MAN.

OH, RIGHT UPSIDE THE FACE.

LOOKIT, I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT.

TRUSTING, FALLING.

OHH.

I PITY THE WORLD IF THAT'S
WHAT IT TAKES TO TRUST PEOPLE.

MARTIN, I THINK THAT'S JUST A
PRODUCT OF SI NOT FULLY TRUSTING

YOU, IS HE'S BRINGING
HIS ARMS OUT.

THERE WERE SOME
ISSUES IN THAT FALL.

OH, YEAH, I DEFINITELY
HAD ISSUES FALLING.

SO I DON'T TRUST PEOPLE.

THAT'S LIFE.

UH, WHO'D LIKE TO GO NEXT?

I AIN'T DOING IT.

I'LL GO.

MARTIN GETS UP ON THAT
PLATFORM, I'M GONNA TELL YOU

YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST
CHUNK A SPERM WHALE OFF THERE.

WE'D HAVE JUST AS MUCH
LUCK CATCHING THAT.

IF HE GOES UP THERE, IT'S NO LONGER
ABOUT TRUST, IT'S ABOUT PHYSICS.

TRUSTING.

SEE Y'ALL AT THE NEXT ONE.

WELL, THAT'S NO FUN.

IS THIS IT, TRENT?

THIS IS IT.

THIS IS CALLED THE PAMPER POLE.

YOU HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR
DIAPERS AFTER IT'S OVER?

THAT'S RIGHT.

THAT'S WHY IT'S
CALLED A PAMPER POLE.

IT'S A LITTLE BIT INTENSE.

YOU CAN SEE IT'S A HIGH ELEMENT.

WE'LL TAKE A VOLUNTEER, SOMEBODY
TO CLIMB UP HERE AND TAKE A LEAP

OF FAITH.

I'M OUT, JACK.

HEY, I DONE MY PART, OKAY?

I TRUSTED.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING
DESIGNED TO MAKE YOU POOP IN

YOUR PANTS.

YOU KNOW, THAT DON'T
DO NOTHING FOR ME.

THIS'LL FIT ANYBODY.

WE'RE PREPARED FOR WHOEVER
WANTS TO LEAD THE WAY.

I'LL DO IT.

ALL RIGHT. THERE YOU GO.

I AIN'T GONNA LIE.

I'M SCARED TO DEATH.

I LOOK UP, IT'S ABOUT
30 FEET IN THE AIR.

AND THEN THE THING YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO GRAB IS ABOUT 10

FEET AWAY.

I CAN'T LET THEM SEEING
ME BEING SCARED UP THERE.

I AIN'T SCARED.

HAVE WE GOT ANY
HONEY AROUND HERE?

WE'RE SENDING WINNIE
THE POOH BEAR UP.

GOING TO THE WOODS AND
CRAPPING YOUR BRITCHES...

HONESTLY, THIS CULTURE
WE LIVE IN... THEY'RE NUTS.

CLIMBING!

CLIMB AWAY.

I'M CLIMBING.

YOU GUYS REALLY TRY.

GET ON UP THERE, HOG.

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.

OH, LOOK AT HIM.

YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN NOW, BUDDY!

HEY, WHAT'S THE WEIGHT
LIMIT ON THAT POLE, TRENT?

I THINK WE CAN
SUPPORT THAT WEIGHT.

OH, OKAY. COME
ON THERE, BIG DOG.

SHUT UP.

GUYS, IF WE COULD REALLY
TRY AND BE ENCOURAGING.

HEY, DON'T SCREW THIS UP.

SHUT UP.

AH, HELL, WILLIE, HE'S SCARED

TO DEATH.

HE'S LOOKING LIKE A THIRD
GRADER WHO JUST WET HIS

PANTS.

HEY, AS PUDGY AS YOU ARE,
YOU'LL PROBABLY BOUNCE ANYWAY.

SI, THAT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY.

HEY, UNLESS YOU JUST GONNA DO
AN OVER... OVER THE OFF OF THERE.

WHAT?

A... HUH? A "OVER THE
OFF OF THE THERE"?

HE JUST GOTTA BAIL OFF.

BE SURE TO WATCH THE
OLYMPICS FOR THAT TRICK.

THEY'RE DOING A HALF
OVER THE OFF OF THERE.

I NEED TO CHECK MY SI THESAURUS
TO SEE WHAT HE JUST SAID.

WATCH THAT OVER
THE OFF OF THERE.

WHEN YOU JUMP, YOU JUST SAY,

"ONE, TWO, THREE,
JUMP," AND GO FOR IT.

OKAY.

GO!

JUMP! JUMP!

HE AIN'T GONNA DO IT.

HE'S GONNA CHICKEN OUT.

JUMP!

SHUT UP.

YOU'RE DOING GREAT.

YOU'RE DOING GREAT.

WHAT'S THAT DRIPPING
DOWN HIS LEG?

SHUT UP!

GUYS, IF WE COULD REALLY
TRY AND BE ENCOURAGING.

THE MORE ENCOURAGING,
THE BETTER.

JUMP!

SHUT UP!

YOU'VE GOT THIS... EVERYBODY
DOWN HERE BELIEVES IN YOU.

DON'T WE, GUYS?

ONE...

ONE!

I'LL COUNT!

WELL, START COUNTING.

IN A MINUTE.

OKAY, I'M FIXING TO DO IT.

COME ON.

ONE...

THERE YOU GO.

TWO...

THREE COMES AFTER TWO.

START OVER.

ONE, TWO, THREE.

JUMP!

JUMP!

UHH! OHH!

YOU HAD IT, WILL.

HE LET GO OF IT.

WHOO!

YOU HAD IT.

MY HAND SLIPPED.

WELL, THERE WAS A LITTLE TOO
MUCH MASS THERE, YOU KNOW.

UHH UHH!

THAT'S RIGHT, GRAVITY TOOK OVER.

YOU JUST LOOKED LIKE A
HUMAN PINATA OUT THERE.

I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
TO HIT YOU WITH, SEE IF I COULD GET

SOME OF THAT MONEY
OUT OF YOUR POCKETS.

SEE, Y'ALL DON'T GET IT.

EVERYTHING I THOUGHT WAS
GONNA HAPPEN AIN'T HAPPENING.

HAS ANYBODY LEARNED
ANYTHING OUT HERE?

IF YOU'RE WONDERING,
THE ANSWER IS NO.

I'VE LEARNED THAT IF I EVER
WANNA GO HAVE SOME FUN, THIS IS

THE LAST PLACE I'LL GO.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, Y'ALL
KEEP JOKING, LAUGHING, OR

WHATEVER.

I GOT A PHONE CALL TO RETURN.

YOU TOTALLY DON'T GET IT.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, SON?

I BROUGHT YOU OUT HERE 'CAUSE
I'VE BEEN OFFERED ANOTHER JOB.

REALLY?

HUGE JOB, HUGE COMPANY.

WORKERS ACTUALLY WORK.

YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT TAKING IT?

DUH.

OKAY.

THIS GETS TIRED...

WORKING WITH ALL THIS MESS.

I WOULD HOPE YOU
WOULDN'T ACT TOO HASTILY.

YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN.

I MEAN, YOU'RE ALL EMOTIONAL.

YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A WOMAN.

TAKE A CHILL PILL.

HEY.

TYPICAL WILLIE.

"I'M TAKING MY BALL,
AND I'M GOING HOME."

HE GONE.

SO WE GONNA TALK ABOUT IT?

NAH.

I'M NOT INTO BROODING AND,
YOU KNOW, STARING AT THE WHITE

LINES AS YOU'RE GOING
DOWN THE HIGHWAY.

I LIKE TO COMMUNICATE,
GOOD OR BAD.

JUST GET IT OUT, LET
ME HEAR IT, AND MOVE ON.

THINK WILLIE'S GOT
SOMETHING ON HIS MIND.

AND IT AIN'T HUNTING.

I AIN'T GONNA LIE.

I'M PRETTY MAD.

I'M ON THE VERGE OF MAKING
THE BIGGEST CAREER DECISION OF

MY LIFE.

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT LOST?

AND THIS BAND OF IDIOTS IS
JUST PUSHING ME CLOSER AND

CLOSER OUT THE DOOR.

HEY, WILLIE.

YEAH?

EVERY TIME I RAN UP ON A
SITUATION WHERE THERE WAS A

DILEMMA, I'D TAKE A
LITTLE WALK IN THE WOODS.

ALL RIGHT.

AND I'D ASK THE
ALMIGHTY ABOUT IT.

I GET GOING OUT IN THE
WOODS TO CLEAR YOUR HEAD.

THAT'S PROBABLY WHY PHIL
SPENT SO MUCH TIME IN THE WOODS

'CAUSE HE HAD TO
RUN THIS COMPANY.

IT DROVE HIM IN THE WOODS WHERE
HE HASN'T COME OUT IN 30 YEARS.

WE OUGHT TO ALL GO TO THE
WOODS, DO LIKE WE USED TO, YOU

KNOW.

HAVE A BIG CAMPOUT.

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

CATCH US SOMETHING, KILL
US SOMETHING, AND EAT IT.

YOU IN, WILLIE?

YEAH. LET'S GO CAMPING.

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

YOU WANT US TO COME
TOGETHER AS A TEAM?

WE SHOULD HAVE GONE
CAMPING TO START WITH.

THAT'S A HECK OF A
TENT YOU GOT THERE.

WHAT, ARE YOU GONNA
MAKE FUN OF THE TENT TOO?

GUILTY.

WELL, WHILE Y'ALL MAKING THE
FINAL TOUCHES ON THE CAMP, I'M

GONNA GO KILL ME
SOMETHING TO EAT.

MY TIME TO MAKE THIS DECISION
IS RUNNING OUT, AND I REALLY

NEED AN ANSWER,
BUT I DON'T HAVE ONE.

IT'S GONNA TAKE
DIVINE INTERVENTION.

HEY, Y'ALL NEED TO COME LOOK
AT WHAT I STUMBLED UP ON DOWN

HERE, BOYS.

YOU DON'T SEE THIS VERY OFTEN.

A BREEDING PAIR OF
GATOR SNAPPING TURTLES.

THESE RIGHT HERE MAKE
SOME MONEY FOR US.

YOU RECKON?

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE
SI GETS HIS FACTS FROM.

SO THAT'S YOUR RETIREMENT
PLAN, SI... TURTLE BREEDING?

HEY.

HE'S CLAIMING HE'S A BREEDER
WHEN ALL HE DOES IS WATCH

CARTOONS.

THEM THINGS GOOD
EATING RIGHT THERE.

ALL RIGHT, LOOK HERE, BOYS,
WE DON'T WANNA BE EATING THESE.

THAT'D BE LIKE
EATING A $1,000 BILL.

AS SOON AS SEEN 'EM, YOU
KNOW, I SEE DOLLARS SIGNS.

$300 FOR A TURTLE EGG?

WHAT ARE THEY, GOLD?

AH, THEY AIN'T WORTH $300.

HEY, WE CAN MAKE
SOME MONEY HERE.

$300 AN EGG, AND THEY
LAY ABOUT 40 TO 50 EGGS.

WE TALKING SOME
SERIOUS DINERO HERE, BOYS.

WE GOTTA THINK OF A
NAME FOR THESE TURTLES.

SUZIE AND BOBBY.

YOU BETTER HOPE IT AIN'T BOBBY
AND LOUIE, OR YOU'RE GONNA

BE OUT OF BUSINESS.

I GOT ONE OF THE BIGGEST
DECISIONS TO MAKE IN MY LIFE,

AND ALL THESE GUYS
CAN THINK ABOUT...

COWABUNGA.

ARE THESE TURTLES.

LOOK, HE REACHED
FOR THE INSTRUCTIONS.

HE'S GONNA PUT IT
TOGETHER FOR US.

YEAH, I'M TELLING YOU.

LOOK, I SPEAK FOR EVERYBODY.

WE DON'T WANT YOU TO GO.

SUZIE, WHERE YOU HEADING?

COME HERE, YOU BIG HEIFER!

NOW, I KNOW WE GOOF OFF,
BUT, I MEAN, I LIKE YOU IN CHARGE.

WILLIE IS MISSING THE FACT THAT
THE REASON WE PUT HIM THROUGH SO

MUCH TORTURE IS THAT
WE CARE ABOUT HIM.

IF I DIDN'T, I WOULDN'T BE
MAKING YOUR LIFE SO PAINFUL AND

MISERABLE.

I WISH IT WAS JUST EASY.

I COULD JUST FLIP A COIN, SAY...

"HEADS I GO, TAILS I STAY."

GOOD ON BOTH SIDES.

TELL YOU WHAT WE COULD DO.

WE COULD RACE THESE TURTLES.

THIS IS A VERY
IMPORTANT DECISION.

IT DOESN'T JUST AFFECT ME.

IT AFFECTS MY WHOLE FAMILY.

LET THE TURTLES DECIDE.

I AIN'T GOT NO BETTER
IDEA, SO WHY NOT?

I'M GONNA PICK A TURTLE.

THAT TURTLE WINS, ADIOS.

THIS IS SO STUPID, WILLIE.

BUT I... I LIKE IT.

ALL RIGHT, I WANT
THAT GIRL RIGHT THERE.

YOU BEGIN TO WONDER IF THE
CEO IS LOSING IT WHEN HE AGREES

TO STAKE THE COMPANY'S FUTURE
ON HOW FAST TWO LOGGERHEAD

TURTLES ARE.

WE'RE GONNA DO WHAT?

READY?

OH, MAN, I CAN SEE THE
EXCITEMENT IN HIS FACE.

ON YOUR MARK...

GET SET...

HEY, GET OVER HERE, SON!

LET'S GO, BOB.

THIS AIN'T GOOD.

THIS AIN'T MUCH OF A RACE.

WHAT'D YOU EXPECT?

THEY'RE TURTLES.

LAZY!

TURTLES RACING.

NOT A GOOD IDEA AT ALL.

JASE, YOU GOTTA
GET UP UNDER THERE.

COME ON, BOB.

OH, LOOK OUT.

EASY.

HEY, WE GOT MOVEMENT.

OH, OH, HERE WE GO, BOB.

GOT MOVEMENT!

GO, GO, COME ON, COME ON.

YEAH, GO!

THAT'S MY GIRL.

UNBELIEVABLE.

GOODNESS.

HEY, THAT'S A BUNCH
OF BOLOGNA, JACK.

YOU'RE A LOSER, BOBBY.

I WON.

SUZIE WON THE RACE.

BYE-BYE, WILLIE.

I GUESS I'M SUPPOSED TO GO NOW.

ON TO GREENER PASTURES.

WAY TO GO, BOBBY.

I'M LEAVING.

ALTHOUGH...

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M THINKING?

TWO OUT OF THREE.

TWO OUT OF THREE!

TWO OUT OF THREE, BABY!

WE'RE BACK IN THIS THING!

THERE WE GO.

READY POSITION.

BOOYAH!

FATHER, WE THANK YOU FOR ALL
THE BLESSINGS YOU'VE GIVEN TO US

THROUGH THE YEARS.

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, I PRAY,
FATHER, WE BE CONTENT, WHATEVER

THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE.

WHETHER WE ARE IN WANT
OR WHETHER WE HAVE PLENTY.

AMEN.

All: AMEN.

I'VE WORKED FOR DUCK
COMMANDER FOR 20 YEARS, AND IT

HASN'T ALWAYS BEEN EASY.

I MEAN, WE'VE HAD OUR FAIR SHARE
OF BUMPS IN THE ROAD AND IDIOTS

NOT DOING WHAT
I TELL THEM TO DO.

BUT THROUGH IT ALL, I KNOW I
CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON THE DUCK

COMMANDER FAMILY
TO GET THE JOB DONE.

IT MAY NOT BE PRETTY, AND THEY
MAY HAVE A FEW LAUGHS AT MY

EXPENSE, BUT I CAN'T IMAGINE
WORKING ANYPLACE ELSE.

I MEAN, LET'S FACE IT.

THE NEED ME.

BUT, TO BE HONEST, I GUESS
I KIND OF NEED THEM TOO.

WILLIE, YOU GONNA STICK AROUND?

YES, SI, BUT YOU GOTTA RACE
SUZIE THE TURTLE FOR YOUR JOB.

HEY, HOMEY DON'T PLAY THAT.