Duck Dynasty (2012–2017): Season 1, Episode 13 - Redneck Road Trip - full transcript

WASHIN' THE OLD RV, ARE WE?

GIVIN' HER A LITTLE BATH.

YOU PLANNING ON TAKING IT

SOMEWHERE?

NAH, I'M JUST WASHING IT.

IT'S LIKE YOU, HUH?

YOU TAKE A BATH ONCE A WEEK... I

WASH MY RV ONCE A WEEK.

OKAY, WE HAVE SOMETHING IN

COMMON.

IT'S A SHOWPIECE.



CHEAP ADVERTISING, MAN.

I GOT A MOVEABLE BILLBOARD RIGHT

HERE.

TAKE IT ANYWHERE.

WHEN YOU GONNA LET ME TAKE

IT?

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE

THIS THING.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

JASE ALWAYS WANTS TO PLAY

WITH MY STUFF.

GO BUY YOUR OWN STUFF.

JASE, I WOULD NEVER LET YOU

DRIVE THIS.



WHATCHA TALKIN' ABOUT, IT'S

GOT MY FACE ON IT.

THAT MEANS I GET A KEY.

NO.

WHY DON'T YOU COOL OFF AND GO

MAKE SOME DUCK CALLS?

THERE YOU GO.

LOOK, IT'S RAINING.

ALL RIGHT, I THINK I WILL.

GO WORK.

YOU'RE A TERRIBLE BROTHER.

YOU'RE A TERRIBLE EMPLOYEE.

GET IN THERE AND DO SOME WORK.

MEET THE ROBERTSON CLAN.

THEY TURN DUCK CALLS...

INTO A MULTIMILLION-DOLLAR

EMPIRE.

BUT RUNNING A FAMILY BUSINESS IS

TOUGH WHEN THE FAMILY JUST WANTS

TO RUN WILD.

WHOO!

♪ YOU BEEN WALKIN' AROUND ♪

♪ ALL OF YOUR LIFE ♪

♪ THE BLOOD THAT YOU'RE ♪

♪ BORN IN IS SWEATIN' ♪

♪ YOU BEEN WORKING AND SLAVING ♪

♪ YOU'RE WHOLE LIFE AWAY ♪

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, BYE.

WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?

I JUST BOUGHT TWO SWEET

POLARIS UTVs.

REALLY?

THEY'RE SWEET.

I'D LIKE TO SEE 'EM.

GAH-DANG IT, THEY'RE SO

SWEET.

THAT LOOKS LIKE A MAD SPIDER.

SWEET.

I CAN SEE IT NOW... MUD ON MY

BOOTS, WIND IN MY BEARD.

ME AND THESE ATVs FIT TOGETHER

LIKE A HAND AND GLOVE.

LIKE PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY.

LIKE DARRYL HALL AND THAT OTHER

DUDE... WITH A MUSTACHE.

THE PROBLEM IS I WANTED TO GO

OUT THIS WEEKEND AND GO TEAR UP

SOME MUD, I GOTTA WAIT TWO

WEEKS.

WE CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG TO

RIDE THEM THINGS.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "WE"?

YOU'RE NOT GONNA LET ME DRIVE

ONE?

NO.

I DON'T LET JASE BORROW THINGS.

IT DOESN'T WORK OUT THAT GOOD.

LAST TIME I LET HIM BORROW MY

DIRT BIKE, I GOT BACK MORE DIRT

THAN BIKE.

THEN HE BORROWED MY CROSSBOW.

I GOT BACK A CROSS.

WHAT IF I GO GET 'EM?

YOU'D GO GET 'EM?

WHAT ARE BROTHERS FOR?

IT'S NOT ABOUT GETTING OUT OF

WORK.

IT'S ABOUT HAVING AND EXCUSE NOT

TO WORK.

ALL RIGHT, IF YOU GET 'EM,

I'LL LET YOU RIDE ONE.

LET ME TAKE ONE OF YOUR RIGS

TO GO GET 'EM.

FINE.

AND LET ME TAKE SOMEBODY WITH

ME.

TAKE A GUY WITH YOU.

DEAL.

COOL. THANK YOU.

THAT'S WHAT BROTHERS ARE FOR.

SWEET.

I LIKE THIS JASE A LOT BETTER.

HEY, LINDA.

HEY, JASE.

IF MY FACE IS ON THE

VEHICLE...

BYE, LINDA.

I SHOULD HAVE AUTOMATIC RIGHTS

TO DRIVE IT WHENEVER I WANT.

MARTIN, WHAT'S UP WITH THAT

SHIRT, MAN?

DO YOU SEE THE TOP OF MY

ARMS?

I NEED IT TO MATCH THE BOTTOM.

YEAH, I SEE 'EM.

YOUR ARMS ARE WHITE AS FLUFFY

EGG WHITES.

YOU NEED TO WORK ON THE

FRECKLES.

WELL WHY ARE TWO GUYS SITTING

THERE STARING AT MY ARMS?

AS BIG AS YA ARE, WE CAN'T

LOOK PAST YOU.

I'M GLAD Y'ALL ARE SITTING

DOWN.

I'VE BEEN TALKING TO WILLIE.

HE BOUGHT TWO ATVs AND I

VOLUNTEERED TO GO GET 'EM.

AND EVEN BETTER NEWS, HE SAID I

COULD TAKE SOMEBODY WITH ME.

All: I'M IN.

BUILDING DUCK CALLS EVERY DAY

IS BORING.

SO IF WE CAN LEAVE HERE FOR A

COUPLE OF HOURS, WE'RE READY.

I'LL GO.

YOU ALL WANNA GO?

YOU KNOW WHAT WE DO ABOUT IT?

WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT IT?

YOU'RE ALL GOING!

ALL RIGHT.

WE'RE LIKE THE MUSKETEERS.

ONE FOR ALL AND ALL FOR ONE,

JACK.

WHERE ARE WE HEADED?

WE'RE HEADED TO SHREVEPORT.

HEY, I AIN'T BEEN TO THE BIG

CITY IN QUITE A WHILE.

SI, SHREVEPORT'S NOT A BIG

CITY.

HEY, TO ME IT IS.

SHOOT, YEAH IT IS.

ANYTHING OVER 500 IN

POPULATION, THAT WOULD BE A BIG

CITY.

THEY TURN ON THE NIGHT LIGHTS.

NO RULES, BOYS.

IT'S PARTY TIME.

WHEN IS THIS GONNA TAKE PLACE?

NOW!

AND WHO'S GOING?

US FOUR.

DID YOU TAKE YOUR SENILE

MEDICINE TODAY?

NOPE, I SKIPPED IT TODAY,

JACK.

OH, MAN, THIS IS HEAVY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WELL, I'M GETTING MY SERMON

READY FOR DUCK COMMANDER DAY.

I'M GONNA SAY A FEW WORDS.

DUCK COMMANDER SUNDAY IS

BASICALLY A REDNECK RENDITION OF

FEARING GOD, LOVING YOUR

NEIGHBOR AND HUNTING DUCKS.

I SAY A FEW WORDS, WE'D ALL SING

CHURCH SONGS, YOU KNOW.

EVERYONE HAS CAMO ON AND

EVERYBODY HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M FIXIN' TO MAKE THAT GIANT

JAMBALAYA.

OH, YOU'RE COOKING?

YEAH.

I DON'T KNOW WHETHER MORE PEOPLE

COME TO HEAR PHIL SPEAK OR TO

EAT MY JAMBALAYA.

MAYBE THE JAMBALAYA.

I CALL THEM IN WITH A DUCK

CALL, MISS KAY, AND YOU FEED

'EM.

IT'S THE ONE-TWO PUNCH.

IT'S THE ONE-TWO PUNCH.

I'M READY TO HIT THE ROAD,

JACK.

YOU SURE IT'S OKAY IF ALL OF

US GO?

NO, I'M NOT SURE.

LOOK WE GONNA GET IN TROUBLE

WITH WILLIE ANYWAY.

A ROAD TRIP WITH THE ROBERTSONS,

IT'S GOT FUN WRITTEN ALL OVER

IT, AND I DON'T KNOW OF ANY

REDNECK THAT AIN'T INTO FUN.

THAT'S THEIR MIDDLE NAME.

RED-FUN-NECK.

DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I'VE

BEEN TRYING TO GET MY HANDS ON

THESE KEYS?

HOW LONG?

EVER SINCE HE GOT IT AND PUT

MY FACE ON IT.

"RV" TO US STANDS FOR REDNECK

VACATION.

YEP.

GUESS I'LL DO IT.

SHOTGUN.

WE'RE HEADING TOWARD THE BIG

CITY.

HEY, WE'RE FIXIN' TO HAVE A

PARTY.

I'M IN, JACK.

IT'S ON LIKE DONKEY KONG.

SI?

WHAT?

THAT SAYING WENT OUT OF STYLE

ABOUT 40 YEARS AGO.

NO, I JUST SAID IT.

IT'S BACK IN.

ALL RIGHT, IT'S BACK IN.

HOLD ON TIGHT'S ALL I GOT TO SAY

SON.

VIVA LA SHREVEPORT.

IT'S ON, BOYS.

JEP, MARTIN?

JEP, MARTIN, I NEED YOU GUYS.

HEY, LINDA, HAVE YOU SEEN ANY OF

THE GUYS?

I SEEN JASE.

HE COME THROUGH HERE, SNATCHED

UP THE RV KEYS AND HEADED OUT.

TO THE RV?

HE TOOK MY RV?

HE SNATCHED UP THE KEYS AND

WENT.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL

YOU, MISTER.

HEY, POINT THIS BIG PUPPY

WEST AND PUT THE HAMMER DOWN.

WHOO!

I DON'T KNOW WHY WILLIE DON'T

DRIVE THIS EVERY DAY.

AW, YEAH.

LET EVERYBODY KNOW.

YEP.

LET 'EM KNOW.

THE ONLY WAY TO ACHIEVE FREEDOM

IS TEAR DOWN THE WALLS.

AND RIGHT NOW, I'M THE WRECKING

BALL.

THIS IS LIKE A MAN-CATION.

NO WILLIE, LIFE ON THE OPEN

ROAD... I LIKE IT.

NEXT STOP, SHREVEPORT.

UH OH.

WHAT'S UP, WILLIE?

YOU SAID I COULD TAKE ANY

VEHICLE I WANTED.

YOU THINK I'D RIDE IN THIS RV BY

MYSELF?

WE GOT BUSTED.

YOU NEVER TOLD ME "DON'T TAKE

THE RV."

YOU'VE SAID IT BEFORE, BUT YOU

DIDN'T SAY IT TODAY.

WHATEVER.

LOSER.

YOU KNOW WHAT'S WEIRD ABOUT

THIS?

THE ONLY PERSON NOT HAPPY IS THE

PERSON WHO'S GETTING THE UTVs.

WILLIE'S ALL FIRED UP.

YOU'RE UPSET ON HOW I'M DOING

YOU A FAVOR?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

HATERS GONNA HATE.

THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT, JEP.

THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT.

WHAT ARE YOU COOKING?

I SMELLED IT FROM HALFWAY UP THE

ROAD.

IT'S JAMBALAYA FOR DUCK

COMMANDER SUNDAY.

MMM.

APPARENTLY, JASE TOOK ALL THE

BUMMIN' IDIOTS ON A ROAD TRIP.

TYPICAL JASE.

I LET HIM DO ONE THING AND HE

SHUTS DOWN THE ENTIRE COMPANY.

THERE'S NOT A SOUL LEFT AT THE

WAREHOUSE.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

THEY GONE.

WELL THE JOKE'S ON THEM 'CAUSE

I'M GONNA GET THE FIRST PLATE OF

MISS KAY'S JAMBALAYA.

ALL RIGHT, I NEED TO GET THE

PIROGUE, WHERE'S IT AT?

IT'S OVER IN THAT SHED

SOMEWHERE.

Y'ALL NEED TO CLEAN THIS CRAP

UP.

I KNOW, I KNOW.

FIND IT?

OH!

GOOD NIGHT!

WHAT IS WRONG?

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

THERE'S A ALLIGATOR IN THERE.

ARE YOU FOOLIN' ME?

KAY, LOOK AT THIS THING.

WHAT IS IT?

THERE'S A ALLIGATOR OUT HERE.

UNDER YOUR PIROGUE.

HOW LONG IS HE?

HE'S BIG ENOUGH.

I MEAN, THIS THING IS HUGE.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT

ALLIGATORS.

THERE'S A REASON IT'S BEEN

AROUND FOR MILLIONS OF YEARS.

THAT'S THE THIRD ONE THIS

YEAR THAT'S COME UP IN THE YARD.

HE'S NOT EATIN' SALADS.

HE'S EATIN' MEAT.

HE CAN EAT YOUR FACE OFF.

I'M FIXIN' TO KILL HIM.

NO, DON'T KILL HIM.

IT AIN'T EVEN SEASON.

HE TRIED TO ATTACK ME.

WHAT DO YOU DO, WAIT TILL HE

BITES ONE OF US?

AW, YEAH, HE JUST A LITTLE

YEARLING.

I NEVER SEEN THAT MUCH

HULLABALOO OVER ONE LITTLE

FIVE-FOOT ALLIGATOR.

EVER.

AN ALLIGATOR IS LIKE A FROG.

I MEAN, GIVE ME A BREAK.

WE NEED TO JUST RUN HIM ON BACK

DOWN TO WHERE HE COME FROM.

HOW WE GONNA GET HIM OUT OF

THERE?

LET ME MULL ON THAT A LITTLE

BIT.

PHIL AIN'T GONNA DO NOTHING,

AND I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE.

I AIN'T GONNA LOSE A HAND OVER

MESSIN' WITH THIS GATOR.

YOU BETTER HAVE HIM GONE

WHILE I FINISH THIS JAMBALAYA.

I DON'T WANT MY GRANDKIDS

GETTING HURT.

THAT'S WHAT THE GATOR'S DOING

UP HERE.

HE'S AFTER MISS KAY'S JAMBALAYA.

I'M TELLING YOU, HE AIN'T

GETTIN' NONE OF THIS.

WE'RE HERE, BOYS.

BOOM.

THIS IS LIKE GOING CHRISTMAS

SHOPPING WITH WILLIE'S MONEY.

WHEN YOU TAKE A REDNECK AND YOU

GIVE HIM SOMETHING ON FOUR

WHEELS THAT YOU CAN DRIVE

THROUGH THE MUD, THIS IS ALMOST

LIKE SENSORY OVERLOAD.

OOH, SADDLE UP, PARTNER.

I'M LOOKING FOR THE WEIGHT LIMIT

TO MAKE SURE I DON'T TEAR

NOTHIN' UP.

IF YOU WEIGH MORE THAN THE

ATV, YOU'VE SURPASSED THE WEIGHT

LIMIT.

YEAH, I PROBABLY OUGHT TO

GET OFF THIS THEN.

I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING

ABOUT MARTIN... HE SUPPLIES HIS

OWN AIRBAG.

HOW CAN I HELP Y'ALL TODAY?

WILLIE ROBERTSON SENT US TO

PICK UP A COUPLE OF ATVs.

THAT IS THESE RIGHT HERE.

AW, YEAH, LOOK AT THE RIMS.

CHROME RIMS.

CHROME RIMS.

WILLIE, HE AIN'T REALLY GOT A

CLUE WHAT AN OFF-ROAD VEHICLE

IS.

YOU KNOW, CHROME RIMS...

HE'S GOT MORE SPARKLE TO IT THAN

MOST LAS VEGAS SHOWGIRLS.

WHY WOULD HE PUT THOSE ON

THERE?

THAT'S WHAT THE MAN WANTED.

IT'S TYPICAL WILLIE.

SHOWBOATING.

TELL YOU WHAT, I DIDN'T EVER

THINK ABOUT 20 MORE FEET WITH

10,000 MORE POUNDS.

OH, THIS IS GONNA BE A

NIGHTMARE.

IS THIS TURNING INTO MAYBE A

NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE?

POSSIBLY.

DOES THIS ADD TO THE ADVENTURE?

ABSOLUTELY!

THIS IS A MONSTROSITY NOW.

PEOPLE WILL EITHER GET OUT OF

OUR WAY OR GET RUN OVER.

ALL RIGHT, WE'RE OUT OF HERE.

SI, YOU GOT A BIG TRAILER ON

THERE NOW.

IT'S ON LIKE DONKEY KONG.

PHIL, WHAT DO YOU THINK WE'RE

GONNA DO?

WANT ME TO CALL WILDLIFE

PROFESSIONALS TO COME AND GET

IT?

ARE YOU NUTS?

NO.

YOU DON'T WANT TO CALL A BUNCH

OF GAME WARDENS TO COME ROLLING

IN DOWN HERE FOR ONE LITTLE

GATOR.

HE AIN'T HURTIN' ANYTHING.

YOU CALL A GAME WARDEN, YOU'RE

PROBABLY GONNA GET STUCK FOR

SOMETHING.

RECKLESS LOOKING WITH INTENT TO

KILL.

BOMP, $250.

KAY, I'M TAKIN' MY BOAT AND

I'M GETTIN' OUT OF HERE.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

THIS IS YOUR PROBLEM.

HE'S NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING.

OH, YOU SUCKER!

I DON'T KNOW HOW I GET IN THESE

SITUATIONS.

I'M SUPPOSED TO BE AT WORK.

I END UP DOWN HERE TURNING INTO,

LIKE, CROCODILE HUNTER.

IT'S NOT EVEN MY HOUSE.

I'VE GOTTA SIT OUT HERE ALL

AFTERNOON AND MAKE THAT

JAMBALAYA.

HE'S 40 YARDS AWAY FROM YOU.

HE AIN'T GONNA MESS WITH YOU.

YOU DON'T KNOW HE WON'T COME

OVER THERE.

HE MIGHT BE HUNGRY.

WE GOTTA GET RID OF... AAH!

GOOD LORD.

MM-HMM.

YEAH, YOU GONNA LEAVE ME WITH

THAT?

I MEAN, I CLEANED HIS DIAPERS.

GREAT PROTECTOR OF YOUR MOTHER.

AND THEN HE'S GONNA LEAVE HIS

MOM?

JUST LEAVE HER HELPLESS?

HEY, HEY, EVERYBODY CALM

DOWN.

YOU CALM DOWN.

IF YOU ALL LEAVE HIM ALONE,

I'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM IN A

LITTLE BIT.

GO ON, GET OUT OF HERE.

EASY, EASY.

I DON'T LIKE IT.

STAND RIGHT THERE AND DIVERT

HIS ATTENTION.

NO, YOU'VE LOST YOUR MIND.

GO ON, GET. OH!

WILLIE AND THE GATOR.

IT'S ALMOST LIKE A COUNTRY AND

WESTERN SONG, YOU KNOW?

GRAB HIM BY HIS TAIL AND DRAG

HIM BACKWARDS.

BACK OUT THE OTHER WAY.

IT WAS A COMEDY.

A COMEDY OF ERRORS.

UH-OH, HE'S BITTEN THE

PIROGUE.

OH, NO.

I'LL GET OVER THERE AND GET

HIM IN A LITTLE BIT.

LEAVE HIM ALONE.

DUCK.

OH, THERE WE GO.

I'M GETTIN' OUT OF HERE.

"LOCAL CHUBBY WOMAN EATEN BY

ALLIGATOR."

I'M STARVING.

SI, GET ME SOMETHING TO EAT.

I'M HUNGRY.

LET ME GET BACK THERE AND SEE

IF THEY GOT ANYTHING I CAN COOK

WITH.

HEY, I AM THE MACGYVER OF

COOKING, BOYS.

IF YOU BRING ME A PIECE OF

BREAD, CABBAGE, COCONUT, MUSTARD

GREENS, PIG'S FEET, PINE

CONES...

AND A WOODPECKER, I WILL MAKE

YOU A GOOD CHICKEN POT PIE.

WHAT YOU GOT, SI?

SO FAR, I'VE FOUND PORK AND

BEANS.

PORK AND BEANS.

PORK AND BEANS.

SPAM.

YOU HAD ME, THEN YOU LOST ME.

HOT SAUCE.

HOT SAUCE, I'M BACK IN.

HEY, THAT'S GOOD.

MY VIETNAM SPECIAL IS JUST

LIKE MY WOMEN.

YEP, IT'S GETTIN' THERE NOW,

BOYS.

HOT, SWEET, AND THEN EXTRA

SPICY.

THAT'S MY SPECIAL 'NAM SURPRISE.

THAT SMELLS HOT.

IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD.

YEAH, IT'S GOOD, SI.

IT'S GOOD?

REAL GOOD.

WHEN YOU'RE HUNGRY, I THINK YOU

LOSE YOUR SENSE OF CAUTION.

BECAUSE NOW, I'M ACTUALLY EATING

SOMETHING THAT SI PREPARED?

I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG

WHEN I FELT A HEAT KINDA

COME OVER MY BODY.

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

OH!

I FEEL LIKE IT'S A HORROR

SHOW IN MY INTESTINES.

YOU KNOW THAT WHATEVER'S FIXIN'

TO HAPPEN IS NOT GOOD.

IT'S STARTING TO SMELL LIKE

SOMETHING DIED IN HERE.

Y'ALL CAN'T HANDLE YOUR BEANS.

YEAH, DIDN'T THINK ABOUT

THAT.

I SHOULD HAVE KNEW BETTER

THAN TO GIVE THESE BOYS MY

VIETNAM SPECIAL.

'CAUSE HEY, THIS THING HAS

LITERALLY BACKFIRED ON ME.

BIG TIME.

GOODNESS, BOYS.

MARTIN IS TURNING A SHADE OF

GREEN THAT I KNOW MEANS TROUBLE.

I MAY BE ABOUT TO HAVE TO

PULL OVER AND USE THE

FACILITIES.

WHEN A MAN THE SIZE OF MARTIN

BECOMES COMBUSTIBLE, OH, THAT'S

A DANGEROUS SITUATION.

I GOTTA GO.

I REALIZE WHEN I SEE MARTIN

MAKING HIS MOVE TO THE PORTABLE

RESTROOM THAT WHATEVER IDEA I

HAD OF USING THAT THE REST OF

THE TRIP, IT'S GONE.

HE'S FIXIN' TO GONNA HURT

THAT BATHROOM, JASE.

OH, WOW.

YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T HELP BUT

FEEL SORRY FOR THAT BATHROOM.

WHOO.

YOU JUST THOUGHT THE ENTRANCE

WAS HOT.

HEY, OPEN A WINDOW, JEP.

WHOA!

I CAN TAKE MOST SMELLS.

WHATEVER HE ATE WAS DEAD.

BUT WHEN IT STARTS BURNING MY

EYES...

EVERYTHING WE EAT IS DEAD.

YEAH, BUT HEY, THAT SUCKER'S

BEEN DEAD FOR A WHILE.

NO, IT'S TIME TO LEAVE THIS

AREA.

PULL THIS SUCKER OVER SOMEWHERE.

WHY?

I'M FIXIN' TO PUKE, BOY.

I'M GETTING OUT OF THIS THING.

GOODNESS.

IF YOU'VE EVER RUN UP ON, LIKE,

A DEAD COW THAT'S BEEN DEAD FOR,

LIKE, A MONTH, THAT'S ABOUT

WHAT'S COMING OUT OF THE RV.

WHOA.

FRESH AIR.

GOODNESS.

HE BETTER GET BACK IN.

WE GOTTA GO, MAN.

I'M CHECKING ON HIM.

THAT OLD FART.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

HEY, I AIN'T RIDIN' IN THERE

NO MORE.

YOU'RE GONNA RIDE IN THAT?

I'M GONNA RIDE IN HERE, BABY.

I'M GOOD TO GO.

Y'ALL TAKE OFF.

HEY, I'M NOT GETTING BACK IN

THAT RV.

I GUESS I WOULD GO BACK IN

THERE IF SOMEONE HAS A GUN ON

ME.

"GET BACK IN THE RV OR I'M GONNA

SHOOT YOU."

I MIGHT GO BACK IN THERE THEN.

HEY, HOLD ON, SI.

GOODNESS.

IS THAT AGAINST THE LAW?

NAH.

I WOULD SAY STUPID?

YES.

YOU CAN'T SPELL STUPID

WITHOUT "S-I"

THAT IS AN EXCELLENT POINT.

YOU'VE GOT TO GET THE

ALLIGATOR OUT OF HERE.

THERE'S NO WAY TO GET HIM

OUT.

HE'S BITTEN EVERYTHING I'VE PUT

IN THERE.

WELL MAYBE THAT'S A SIGN HE'S

HUNGRY.

GET SOME OF THEM OLD CHICKEN

PARTS RIGHT THERE.

OH, YEAH.

I GOT A PLAN, KAY.

I'M GOING IN.

I'VE NEVER TRIED THAT

PARTICULAR MANEUVER.

YOU HUNGRY?

LITTLE OLD SAUSAGE.

OH.

GET HIM OUT THERE, WILL.

AH.

I ALWAYS FIGURED A MAN'S NOT

TOO FAR FROM A CHICKEN.

YOU WANT IT?

HE GOES TO EATING, YOU MIGHT

BE PART OF THE MEAL BEFORE IT'S

OVER SO...

COME ON, WHO'S HUNGRY?

I'M THINKING, NO.

YOU LIKE?

OH, YEAH, HE'S THINKING "OH,

YEAH."

COME ON.

OH, WHOA, HERE WE GO.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED ON PART

ONE.

HE BIT THE CHICKEN.

OH, I GOT HIM!

PART TWO?

I DON'T KNOW.

NOW YOU GOT SOMETHING GOING.

HE LIKES CHICKEN.

UH-OH.

HE ATE THE CHICKEN.

HE'S MAKING A MOVE.

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

PERFECT.

AW, NOW HE'S ROLLING.

DOING A DEATH ROLL ON ME.

AH!

KEEP GOING.

HE'S GONE, KAY.

HEY, PHIL, THANKS FOR THE HELP.

COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT

YOU.

BUT I DID.

THAT WAS GOOD WORK.

THANK YOU.

I WISH THIS GATOR WAS IN

SEASON.

I COULD MAKE GATOR BALLS.

I LOVE GATOR BALLS.

YEAH.

DELICIOUS.

SI'S PONYTAIL IS FLAPPING IN

THE WIND.

HE GOT HIS LITTLE RAT TAIL

GOING.

THE SMELL ASIDE, WE'VE HAD

A MUCH-NEEDED GETAWAY.

UP TILL THIS POINT, IT'S BEEN

GREAT.

YOU THINK HE SAW SI BACK

THERE?

I GUESS WE FOUND OUT THE

ANSWER TO OUR QUESTION EARLIER.

IF IT WAS LEGAL OR NOT.

WHAT'S HE DOING?

HE'S RIGHT UP AT THE

TRAILERS.

I GUESS HE'S TALKING TO SI.

IS THIS AGAINST THE LAW?

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I HAVE A REAL

GOOD EXCUSE FOR BEING BACK HERE.

OH, NO.

THIS AIN'T GONNA END GOOD.

EVEN THOUGH I'M THE LEADER OF

THIS OUTFIT, I'M NOT GOING DOWN

ON THIS ONE.

THE MAN YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IS

MR. VIETNAM VET OUT THERE.

HEY, Y'ALL HOLD UP.

STOP RIGHT THERE.

YOU, STEP DOWN ONTO THE CEMENT.

DON'T MOVE.

RAISE YOUR HANDS.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE ME GO

BACK IN THAT RV ARE YOU?

HEY, HE'S THE ONE THAT COOKED

IT.

I WAS COOKIN' THE VIETNAM

SPECIAL.

IS THAT WHAT THAT SMELL IS?

THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT

SMELL YOU'RE
GOIN... THAT'S WHY I

WAS RIDIN' BACK THERE.

I SAW THIS DOG HEADED TOWARD

THAT RV AND I THOUGHT, OH, MY

GOODNESS.

THIS COULD BE THE END OF THIS

DOG'S CAREER.

OKAY.

SIR, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET

BACK IN THERE WITH THEM AND GO

HOME.

YEAH. ALL RIGHT.

SI, YOU'D LIKED TO GET YOUR

BUTT THROWN IN JAIL.

ALL RIGHT, CRACK THE WINDOWS AND

LETS GET OUT OF HERE.

I JUST WANT TO GO HOME.

HAVE A GOOD NIGHT'S REST.

AND GET UP FOR DUCK COMMANDER

SUNDAY.

GET ME AWAY FROM THESE GUYS.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WUSSIES

COULDN'T HANDLE A LITTLE

JALEPENO PEPPER.

THANK YOU FATHER, FOR BEING

THERE FOR US.

I PRAY FOR EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM

AND THAT THEY WOULD ENJOY A

LOVING, PEACE-FILLED LIFE WHILE

THEY'RE ON THE PLANET.

AMEN.

All: AMEN.

THE BIBLE SAYS TO BE SLOW TO

ANGER AND QUICK TO FORGIVE,

WHICH IS IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER

ESPECIALLY WITH MY FAMILY.

WE MAY BE A LITTLE HESITANT AT

FIRST, BUT ONE THING WE DO WELL

IS TAKE CARE OF OUR OWN.

WHETHER IT'S SAVING KAY FROM AN

ENORMOUS MAN-EATING GATOR OR

LETTING THE GUYS BORROW MY RV

FOR A ROAD TRIP, THE ROBERTSONS

ALWAYS COME THROUGH FOR ONE

ANOTHER.

EVEN IF IT IS AS SIMPLE AS

FORGIVING.

HEY, WILLIE, SORRY ABOUT THAT

SMELL IN YOUR RV.

I FORGIVE YOU.

REALLY?

NO!