DuckTales (2017–…): Season 2, Episode 3 - The Ballad of Duke Baloney! - full transcript

Where are you going?

You're my shadow, you hear?

Curse you, me!

Hey, Fisher,
get a load of this.

Huh. That's the fourth weirdest
thing we've caught today.

Get your fish hands off me,
ya filthy fisherman!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
"Fisherperson."

I mean, your name
is Mann, Mann.

Yeah, well, He don't know
I'm a fisher, Fisher.

I've never seen this joker
before in my life.

Enough!
Don't ya know who I am?



No. Who are you?

I... I don't know!

♪♪ Theme Song Plays....

♪ Life is like a hurricane ♪

♪ Here in Duckburg ♪

♪ Race cars, lasers,
airplanes ♪

♪ It's a duck-blur ♪

♪ We might solve
a mystery ♪

♪ Or rewrite history ♪

♪ Ducktales, whoo-ooh ♪

♪ Every day they're out there
making Ducktales ♪

♪ Whoo-ooh ♪

♪ Tales of derring-do ♪

♪ Bad and good-luck tales ♪



♪ Whoo-ooh ♪

♪ D-d-danger lurks behind you ♪

♪ There's a stranger
out to find you ♪

♪ What to do? ♪

♪ Just grab on
to some Ducktales ♪

♪ Whoo-ooh ♪

♪ Every day they're out there ♪

♪ Making Ducktales ♪

♪ Whoo-ooh ♪

♪ Tales of daring
bad and good ♪

♪ Not phony tales
or cottontails ♪

- ♪ No, Ducktales! ♪
- ♪ Whoo-ooh! ♪

*DUCKTALES (2017)*
Season 02 Episode 03
Episode Title: "The Ballad of Duke Baloney!"

Four months after the mysterious
disappearance of its CEO,

Glomgold Industries is finally
under new, not crazy management.

She's dynamic.
She's exciting.

She's never threatened
revenge on anyone.

She's Zan Owlson.

Um, hi, everyone.
Happy to...

Top of Her Class at
Mouseton School of Business,

Owlson founded the global
charity "Change For Chicks."

She's a formidable replacement

for failed former leader
Flintheart Glomgold.

We cut unnecessary
departments

like Harebrained Schemes,
Mindless Revenge.

The company was spending
a lot of money on sharks.

Owlson is even
forming a new charity

along with the company's
chief rival, McDuck Enterprises.

It's time this company put
people above profits.

Here at the new
Glomgold Industries,

our community is the greatest
treasure of all.

Ah, fishing.

The noble struggle
of man versus nature...

The you gently
rowing me around

for several hours
while I nap...

The jumping and throwing
of pointy sticks! Hyah!

Ew, gross!
Can't you just use these?

Sure. But no rusty fishhook
is complete without...

Bait! Get your bait here!

- Aah! Glomgold!
- Aah! Glomgold!

Hello, children.
Bait for sale.

Buy seven tentacles, the eighth is free.
Buckets of savings.

Uh, Glomgold?

What's with
the South African accent?

Why is your posture so good?
What's on your face?

Eh, just a bushy beard

forged from a life
on the sea.

What's your angle,
Glomgold?

What'd say there
about the Glomthere... what?

You kids disrespectin'
our new employee?

'Cause Bait 'n' Such
is a bully-free zone.

I was just
introducing myself.

The name's Duke Baloney. Like
the humble sandwich meat.

More like
Mr. Full of Baloney.

- Excuse us for one second, Mr. Baloney.
- "Full of Baloney."

It's an old-timey expression.
You know, it means...

I get it, but this is no time
for hilarious, hilarious jokes.

Glomgold's been missing
for months, then bam!

He's back as a completely
different person.

He's clearly dealing with some kind
of amnesia. We gotta help him.

Please. Faking amnesia
is like Con Man 101.

This is obviously some kind of setup
to trap us and destroy Uncle Scrooge.

Once a bad guy,
always a bad guy.

Hey.

Oh, you.

Maybe this bad guy is
transforming into a good guy.

Like a reverse werewolf!

For the last time,
there are no reverse werewolves.

I'm telling you,
that's Glomgold!

How can you be
so sure it's him?

Curse you, rope!

It's him.

Sorry for yellin'.
Never acted like that before.

That I know of.

Heh. This guy! Found 'em in
the bay with no memories.

Just his determination

and a freakishly high
tolerance for pain.

It's like
he was made for livin'

a hard knock-life
on the open water.

All I need to know is that
I came from the sea,

and I'll die by it.

His life is like a haiku.

Yeah. It's vague garbage that
structurally makes no sense.

He's obviously lying. That's
Glomgold, and I'll prove it.

Hey, Baloney Sandwich, you know
who you gotta meet? Our uncle.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah. He's very rich,

very Scottish,
no beard,

but easily the best
billionaire of all time:

Scrooge McDuck!
Don't hit me.

He sounds nice.

Duke, are you sure

the name Glomgold
doesn't sound familiar?

Wait. You think
strappin', noble Duke,

legend of the docks,

is that withered, gross
old husk of a man?

Hey, Duke, now that
you're a billionaire,

you gonna buy a round
of Pep for everyone here?

- Sure. Why not?
- Duke! Duke!

- Duke! Duke!
- Duke! Duke! Duke! Duke!

What?
I want a free Pep.

Duke! Duke! Duke!
Wait. Huh?

Duke! Duke!
Duke! Duke!

Why would a simple fishmonger
have a money clip like that?

I don't know,

but we're gonna find out.

♪ There's no finer life than ♪

♪ A life lived at sea ♪

- ♪ Catchin' up every fish... ♪

Oh, it looks like the McDuck
Enterprises fishing boat is back.

Welcome home.

Best fishing boat
on the sea.

You mean second best.

Because we're obviously the
best fishing boat on the sea.

Aw, you're sweet.

Sure, we have a scrappy,
working-class charm, but...

But nothing.
You guys are great.

We have to be the best.

Nothing wrong
with coming in second.

You know I heard
that first is the worst

and second
is the best.

I don't know why,
but I hate that boat.

Come on, Duke.

Sea shanties don't
sing themselves!

Coming.

♪ Ah, nothin' like
An honest day's work ♪

♪ For an honest day's pay ♪

See?
Not a scheme in sight.

Glomgold actually has
amnesia and is now

obviously just a
simple fishmonger.

That's what you said when he
was a "humble delivery man"

and an "unassuming
pastry chef."

Give it time.
He'll slip up.

Hmm.

Howdy, fellas!
Come jump out of the water

and hang out with me!

Duke, what are you doing?

Hey fellas!

And ladies!

Now I'll catch
twice as many fish!

Huh. I don't know
what this proves.

Boat meeting!

Whoa. Duke, you okay?

Ugh. You look like
you didn't sleep much.

Who needs sleep when you've
devised the perfect scheme?

Behold!
My ingenious plan

to catch more fish than
the McDuck boat!

I don't get the joke.

We start here,
with a simple shrimp cook-off.

Or so it seems.

I knew it!
Someone's Glomgold is showing.

He's clearly struggling
with repressed memories.

We gotta help him.

That's exactly what he wants
us to do, and then surprise,

we're trapped inside
a volcano full of shark bombs.

Glomgold might do that,
but not our Duke.

And that's how we strap
the bombs to the sharks. Now...

After getting our engineering degrees
from a local community college,

we program the previously brainwashed
robotic fish from step 17A

to surround McDuck's boat
and insult them.

While their egos are shattered,
we search for what I assume

is a giant plug
on the floor of the bay,

drain the bay, then collect
all the fish for ourselves!

Hey Duke, this is some
real nice cardboard art,

but if we overfish, there won't
be any left for the community.

Because we'll
have all the fish!

But it's like you always say,
"Sharing is caring."

That does sound like me.
Or does it?

Besides, storm's a-brewin'.

No one should be
fishing anyway.

That's why the fish
will never see it coming!

Uh, just kidding?

Ah, what a joker,
this Duke.

Duke of the jokes
is more like it, huh?

This isn't over, boat.

He said he was
just kidding.

He doesn't remember
being Glomgold.

Every con says that when they're busted.
I say it all the time!

Ugh, what are you
up to, Glomgold?

- There's only one way to find out!
- Oh, don't say it.

To research!

Okay, here's all
the information we have.

If only there was a visual
way to organize it all.

You built a board,
I'm guessing?

I built a board!
We've got Duke,

Glomgold,
the money clip,

- and a whole lot of question marks.
- That's it?

I couldn't find any record
of Duke Baloney anywhere.

There's also no record
of Flintheart Glomgold

before he arrived
in Duckburg in the 1980s.

Nationality:
"The Most Scottish"?

Ugh. We spent hours trying to
figure out who Duke Baloney is,

and now we don't even know
who Glomgold is?

There's got to be
somebody who can help us.

Who's dealt with Glomgold
more than anyone?

Stay back.
I'm in charge now.

The ship's boiler is out.

You must go below deck
to light it.

Ship's boiler is out.

Who's there?

Stop!

A heart-shaped flint?

Ship's boiler is out.

This gold is
glomming on to me!

Just a dream.

Eh, those never
mean anything.

Good mornin',
sunshine.

We got ya something.

"Mann-Fisher-Duke."

Now it's official.
You're part of the family.

No big deal.

Now we'll be
the Dukes of Fisher-Mann.

Ah, geez, that woulda been
a way better sign.

Wow. This is
the nicest thing

anyone has even done
for me, I think.

Oh, nothing could ruin this day.

I'm looking
for Duke Baloney.

Remember Uncle Scrooge,

you just need to figure out
what's wrong with Glomgold.

I know. I'm not
the one with amnesia.

I wish we knew
what they were saying.

Good thing
I can read lips.

Foist me bagpipes!

Hey, was Webby totally right
and you have amnesia?

She sure was.

Curse me kilt! That bright
young lass is full of promise!

You said it. Boy, I wish she was
my housekeeper's granddaughter.

Oh, no!
They're going to...

Hug?
What is going on?

That's Glomgold,
all right.

And he does indeed
have amnesia.

Ha! Told ya!
So, should we help him?

- No.
- Ha! I told you!

Because he's still fundamentally
a bad guy, right?

- No.
- I'm sorry, come again?

In all my years
of volleying

with that vexatious
villain,

I've never seen Flinty
happier or more at peace.

Let him be Duke Baloney.

- It's for his own good.
- But he might have a brain injury.

Flintheart Glomgold blows
himself up on a daily basis.

A simple brain injury
is actually a step up.

Let this one be, kids.

I'm off to unveil my new
charity with Zan Owlson,

"Dimes for Ducklings."

Hopefully I can talk her down to
"Pennies for Pipsqueaks" instead.

- Huh.
- So, should we, uh,

go fishing now or, uh...

Oh, right. The thing we were gonna
do before this whole thing.

- To fishing!
- To fishing!

Don't know who I used to be,

but I know who I am...
Duke Baloney.

It's time for Glomgold
to Glom-go! Aah!

I said, Glom-go!

Aah! Kids!
Storm's a-coming!

I'll save you,

or my name isn't...

Ah. Good-smelling
papaya here.

Shoeshine!

Shoeshine!
Get your shoeshine here!

Can you
handle a pair of spats?

Never met a shoe
I couldn't shine.

So, what brings you
to South Africa?

Let's just say a certain
savvy Scotsman

got the Rain Queen
of Balobedu to make

the Sahara Desert
a little less dry.

Just another day at the
office for Scrooge McDuck.

Must be a big deal

if you're referring
to yourself in third person.

You know, Duke Baloney
is kind of a big deal too.

He's got tons of plans
to make himself

the richest duck
in the world!

First, I'll take
my shine money

and buy a coal mine.

Then I stomp on the coal so
hard, it turns to diamonds!

Wouldn't that hurt
your feet?

No, sir. I'm too stubborn
to know when I'm hurt!

Anyway, I'll build
a massive drill

with a diamond bit to drill
for gold and become rich!

W-Why don't you just
cash in the diamonds?

Then what would
I use for the drill?

Good luck, lad.

A dime? Shoeshine's a dollar.
Spats are extra.

Plus tip!

I was trying to teach you
a lesson in self-reliance.

It's how I became the
richest duck in the world.

You're the richest duck
in the world,

and you only
gave me a dime?

It's a symbolic gesture to teach
you to work for your fortune,

which is better than
your half-cocked schemes.

Are you mocking me?
How dare ya?

You think you're so rich

and so-o-o-o Scottish!

I regret trying to help.

Oh, you'll regret it,
all right.

Missing something, McDuck?

My schemes
are half-cocked, eh?

Well, how's this
for full-cocked?

First, I'll use
your own money

to create a superior
Scottish persona.

Please pass the haggis.

Don't tell me what to do!

Finally, I'll dedicate
the rest of my life

to besting Scrooge McDuck!

You'll rue the day
you crossed...

- Duke! Duke! Duke!
- Duke's gonna save those kids!

- Whoa!
- I hate fishing!

Help! Save us!

Give me your hand!

Ah. Hyah!

Ha! I can catch more fish,
even in the middle of a storm!

Take that, McDuck Boat,

which I'm just now realizing
was a metaphor

for my hatred
of Scrooge McDuck!

Why would
you do that?

Because
I'm Flintheart Glomgold,

and I always will be!

Was that in his pocket
the whole time?

Did you just steal
from children?

That's not
my Duke Baloney.

More like PhonyBaloney,
if you ask me.

You stink!

I left Duke Baloney behind
in South Africa.

Long live Glomgold!

Glomgold! Glomgold!

It's just that dimes
are pretty pricey.

You sure we can't go with
"Nickels for Newborns"?

Mr. McDuck,
we've been over this.

Glomgold! Glomgold!

Glomgold!
Glomgold!

Ha! You thought
you had me, Scrooge, huh?

Pretending to be a boat
in my dreams? Nice try!

Goodbye, Duke Baloney.

Hello, Flinty.

Mr. Glomgold,
I'm Zan Owlson,

currently the acting CEO
of Glomgold Industries.

- It's an honor to...
- Save it, Owl.

Scrooge was hoping everyone would
forget Flintheart Glomgold.

But I'm
unforgettable!

You literally
forgot yourself!

And you were happy.

I'm only happy
when you're unhappy!

Should I call security,
or...?

It's best to just
let him yell.

I will not be
forgotten again!

I propose a wager...
You versus me.

Whoever is
the richest duck

by the by the end
of the year, wins.

Come now, Flinty, why would I ever
agree to some ridiculous wager?

Oh, I can think
of a reason.

Where did you get that?

Oh, this?

I've had it since
I pilfered it from you

as a wee child!

That was you?!

I beat you before,
and I can do it again.

Unless you're afraid
of being second best.

I'll never come in second

to a vainglorious grifter
like you.

Then prove it.

Winner gets
the loser's company

and becomes the richest duck
in the world...

- forever!
- You're on!

I'm just gonna go ahead

and sign the charity paperwork
for the both of you.

Pleasure doing business.

Scrooge!
Glomgold's back! He's...

Already here.

Feels like we missed
something important.

♪♪ Theme music plays...
Sync corrections by srjanapala