Drawn Together (2004–2007): Season 3, Episode 2 - Wooldoor Sockbat's Giggle-Wiggle Funny Tickle Non-Traditional Progressive Multicultural Roundtable! - full transcript
Wooldoor's new children's show is finally about to go on the air, and Clara is upset because she thinks the program will turn kids gay. She takes her cause up with the Senate, but an impassioned speech from Foxxy wins the day and the show is allowed to go on. While Wooldoor and the guys are celebrating afterward, a musclebound man pulls out a gun and starts trying to kill the Sockbat. After rescuing Wooldoor, Xandir reveals that he's from the future, where the program did in fact turn everyone gay. The killer is one of the last of the straights, sent back to stop the show from continuing, while Xandir was sent to stop the assassination. Meanwhile, Toot tells the other house-mates about the mythical Wienermobile that travels around giving hot dogs to good people everywhere.
♪♪ sisters and brothers
every race and creed ♪♪
♪♪ every personality ♪♪
ª
♪♪ with tolerance and love âª
♪♪ we're all free
to be whee! ♪♪
Wooldoor, narrating:
it's always been my dream
to entertain children.
And i finally earned
enough money
As a bar mitzvah
to have my own show.
[Cheering]
[Laughs]
Damn it, hero.
Keep that mic
out of my shot.
Oh, it's too heavy.
[Cracks]
Great.
Now i chipped a nail.
[Man yodels]
Ooh...ahh...
Hey, boys and girls,
That must be
fat mountain.
Cut!
[Bell rings]
For christ's sake, toot,
you missed your cue.
I don't have time
for your crappy show.
Don't you know?
It's coming.
What the hell
you talking about,
mount fudgemo?
As a calf,
i heard the elders whisper
Of a mystical chariot
shaped like a hot dog.
Roughly translated
from fat to english,
It's called
the wienermobile.
The scars on my fat thighs
tell the whole story.
When the wienermobile
arrives,
It will offer up
tasty, all-Beef hot dogs,
But only to the worthy.
Oh, wienermobile,
Soon, i shall suckle at
your processed meat bosom.
[Slurping]
Mystical hot dog chariot?
The wienermobile exists!
Just like
the loch ness monster
and god's mercy.
Oh, lord, please guide
my boat safely back--
[Screaming]
[roaring]
Ok.
Let's try this again
from the top.
♪♪ welcome to-- ♪♪
[screams]
What in the name
of one-Dimensional
characters
And predictable
reactions
is going on here?
Hi, clara.
You're just in time
To see me film
my public access tv show.
It's about acceptance
and tolerance.
[Gasps]
acceptance
and tolerance?
Why, that's
a breeding ground
for homosexuality.
Millions of kids watch
public access tv.
If you put this on,
It will turn them all
gayer than a magician.
Oh, my go--Uh, wait.
Street or vegas?
Vegas!
Oh, my god!
Clara, a tv show
can't make you gay.
?
Oh, really?
Tell that to the kid
fromwho's the boss
Mmm, that is true.
And i will not let
wooldoor put this on tv.
I'm taking this
to the people
you can always count on
To protect
the white christian
status quo.
Denny's?
No. Congress.
Wooldoor, narrating:
next thing i knew, i was
testifying before congress.
People were trying
to suppress me,
Even though i was only here
to entertain kids.
Now i know how fire feels.
[Screams]
♪♪ so clench your teeth
and not ethnicity ♪♪
[Gasping]
silence!
Senators, this is
the gayest kids' show
i've ever seen.
It's tinky winky
times 10.
Gay 10.
[Crowd cheers]
Whee!
Senators!
A children's tv show won'â
ât make boys give fellatio.
Watching tv on the sofa
Can't turn your girl
into martina navratilova.
So, senators, if you protect
wooldoor's free speech,
S.
I'll massage your prostate
Each.
[Crowd cheers]
We shall now bring it
to a vote.
This hearing is
the biggest waste
of taxpayer money
Since you redecorated
the senate with
thestar warstheme.
You said you were
just getting new carpet.
[Screams]
All in favor of allowing
wooldoor's show on tv.
All: yeah!
All those
in favor of censoring.
All: yeah!
Very well.
By a vote of 7 to 4,
This senate hereby declares
That wooldoor's show
is allowed to air.
Great!
Now, my show
can entertain kids,
annoy adults,
And funny third thing!
[Electricity crackles]
[Beeping]
Hey, buddy.
Laundry night?
No clean clothes?
[All laughing]
Tell me, are you
wooldoor sockbat?
No.
Sorry.
I'm heart of hearing.
[Both screaming]
[All gasp and pant]
Oh, wienermobile,
Where art thou?
Toot, please,
Can't you see
we're trying to watch
transformer porn?
Female robot on tv:
please, not in the hair.
I have a date tonight.
[Liquid squirts]
what did i tell you?
Ohh!
Wienermobile!
Foxxy decided
to solve the mystery
Of shutting
the fat fuck up.
[Gasps]
oh, my god, toot.
I think i actually hears
the wienermobile.
You do?
It's coming from
inside the closet.
Wienermobile!
[Clicks]
Wienermobile?
[Muffled shouting]
[Music volume
on tv increases]
[Techno music
playing]
Here's to congress
for letting me do my show.
And to
freedom of speech.
Fuck yeah!
That's the shit!
I want to fuck
the head off a fucking pig
And rip
its fucking guts out,
And then fuck its fuckity
fuck fuck fuck fuck
Fuck fuck fuckity fuck
Fuck fuck fuck...
Wooldoor, narrating:
i was on top
of the world.
But then,
something happened
that killed my buzz
Faster than driving
over that kid.
[Brakes squeal]
[Indistinct crack]
[child screams]
Tell me, are you
wooldoor sockbat?
Yes. Are you
from the service?
Because i specifically asked
for no eastern european women.
It's gun to meet you.
[Screams]
[Whimpering]
Later!
[Grunting]
[All gasp
and scream]
Wooldoor, narrating:
i was being hunted down
By some ugly,
gap-Toothed nazi sympathizer
With a speech impediment
and a penchant for
memorable one-Liners.
Always bet on black.
On days like this,
i wish i had super powers
like captain hero.
Activate hero shield.
[Screams]
[Grunts]
I'm gonna die!
Please, no!
Huh?
Come on me
if you want to live.
I think you mean,
come with you.
Wh-What did i say?
[Gasps]
[screams]
Come on.
It's hot, but sad.
You just know
that fighter plane
dinosaur was molested.
[Horn honks]
[Honks]
uh-Uh!
The wienermobile
is for real real.
[All talk at once]
Come on, man!
[Indistinct chatter]
♪♪ wieners, wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners,
wieners, wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners, wieners, ♪♪
Oh, yeah!
Free hot dog!
Look at all these
condiments.
I hurt animals
because i'm sick.
♪♪ wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners,
wieners, wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners,
wieners, wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners... ♪♪
Wienermobile.
[Sniffling]
Wooldoor, narrating:
what a nightmare.
One minute,
i was celebrating
with my friends
Like a drunken pro athlete.
The next, i was crying
and running for my life
Like the wife of
a drunken pro athlete.
Xandir,
what the hell
is going on?
Clara was right.
Your show is destined
to turn the whole planet gay.
5 years from now,
Earth will be
a gay paradise
Where all music is dance
And all food is low carb
And the semen flows
like wine.
But a small minority
of normal people
Still survives
in the sewers
Beneath the sports arenas.
♪♪ she used to be cute,
now she's fat! ♪♪
The breeders fought back by
creating a killing machine--
[All talk at once]
A super hetero
killing machine.
What's the difference
between a woman with the pms
and a terrorist?
You can negotiate
with a terrorist.
[All laugh]
They sent the terminator
back in time
To destroy the gay future
by killing you.
A time traveling robot?
Gay future?
Wienermobile?
Oh, yeah.
I was sent back in time
to protect you
and your kids' show
And ensure
the gay future.
So now you're from
the future, too?
[Scoffs]
I thought you were
from a video game.
Video games are
the future!
Aah! He's got a gun!
Wooldoor, wait!
Come on my back!
Wait, what did i say?
Captain hero:
i had just returned
From deactivating
the hero shield
When the doorbell rang.
[Doorbell rings]
Tell me, bro,
are you wooldoor sockbat?
No, he's not here.
Wait a minute,
you're that guy
Who killed
all those pe--
Dude, is that
a beer tap?
Yes. It's draft lager.
Cool.
Can i have some?
[Grunting]
Dude, you totally
schooled that wall.
Up high!
Wow. A self high-Five.
You are so hetero.
Hey, bro,
what do you think
about vagina?
Dude,
i love the vagina.
Dude, i love the vagina.
What do you like to do
to the vagina?
What do you think
i like to do
to the vagina?
I think you like
to fuck it.
Damn straight.
I totally like
to fuck the vagina.
Sweet.
Sweet.
Dem wienermobile
hot dogs was amazing.
I ain't never had
so many wieners
in my mouth at once.
Only that one time
in college.
I ain't lying
like panaggio.
.
It's quitting time
Have a hot diggity
dog day.
Hey, asshole!
[Weeping]
Wow. I can't believe
we forgot about you, took.
My name is toot.
I'm pretty sure
you're wrong.
I know my own name!
By the way,
we sorry, fat ass.
[Sobbing]
I'm telling you,
a robot from the future
Is trying to kill
wooldoor.
I'm here to protect hi
m and make sure
His show
gets on the air.
I keep asking myself.
When will this
nightmare end?
And i keep asking myself
where do those legs end?
They look like
they go on for days.
Wooldoor: everything
was just so crazy.
I didn't know
if i could trust xandir
or the cops,
Or my ability to resist
The devilishly
suave advances
Of detective smith.
[Purrs]
[Dialing]
So i called someone
i knew i could trust.
My favorite names
for vagina?
Well, patty bacon,
beer cozy,
Baby gap, mordor--
Oh, and agnes.
Now how about you, pal.
What do you call vagina?
I call it a taxi
so i can roll over
and get some sleep.
[Both laugh]
that is so true, buddy.
Right here.
[Telephone rings]
Yello. Wooldoor,
hey, what's up?
[Gasps]
the police station?
Is this about
the hero shield?
Where is
the police station,
primary target--
I mean, wooldoor?
Ok, you stay put.
I'll be right there
to kill--Ha ha,
I mean, murder you.
You just have
to teach me how
to do impressions.
I mean,
you do a better me
than i do.
I'm captain hero.
I'm captain hero.
[Engine rattles]
[Squeaks]
Hey, do you know
what they call vagina
in france?
Royale with cheese.
[Screams]
Hey, you know
what i don't like
about the vagina?
What?
Nothing.
That's what.
[Screams]
[Whimpers]
A robot?
Xandir was telling
the truth.
Maybe he was also
telling the truth
About the joys
of needlepoint.
[Indistinct screaming]
[Gasps]
[Screams]
Wooldoor!
Xandir!
I found out
about the terminator,
And i have to tell you
something.
I'm sorry.
[Indistinct screaming]
Ho ho. Nothing but neck!
Somebody brought
his "a" game today.
Wait a second.
You're a robot?
I thought we told
each other everything.
If you weren't honest
about this,
How do i know
you weren't honest
about other things,
Like loving vagina?
Dude, how dare you suggest
i don't like the vagina.
Ooh.
Must complete
primary mission.
Ooh. Sorry.
Toot, narrating:
while those bastards
stuffed their faces
At the wienermobile,
I was trapped
in the closet
With nothing but
some old coats
And clara's golf umbrella,
which i've since renamed
The expandable
pleasure wand.
[Whimpers]
[Sobs] why?
Come on, toos.
It's not
that big a deal.
Not that big a deal?
How would you like it
if i locked you
in the closet
And you missed
the 1994 l.A. Riots?
Just like
the riots themselves,
That was
a very intelligent way
To express
your point of view.
Toot, i'm gonna
make this up to you.
I don't care
if that wienermobile is
A million miles away
or if it is right there--
Which it is--
We gonna get you
to that wienermobile.
What do you say,
ling-Ling?
That thing
will never stop hunting me.
I wish i'd never made
this stupid kids' show
Or this needlepoint
tape cozy.
Maybe
if i destroy this tape,
He'll stop coming
after me.
Yeah, yeah.
[Laughs]
No, you can't!
Huh?
Your show is the key
to the gay future.
And wooldoor,
it's your dream.
[Both scream]
[Both scream]
[wood breaks]
You're right.
I can't destroy
my dream.
I have to fight for it.
Over here. Over here.
The sinful gaymaker
is up there.
My friend bazooka joe
is treesed to meet you,
But it's time
for you to leave. Now.
[Grunts]
What are you doing?
Quick, xandir.
Snarf my cavernous bunghole,
you snurd-Nurgling jew!
N?
Don't you mean, hold o
Why, what did i say?
[Both scream]
[Both screaming]
[Both grunt
and groan]
Oh, my ankle.
Leave me behind,
wooldoor.
No way.
On your delicate
and well-Pedicured feet,
soldier.
You noticed.
T.
How could i not?
Fernando didn'
I noticed. I just
didn't say anything.
It's a no-Win situation
with him.
If i said he looked nice,
He said, what,
you didn't like them befor
e?
Aah!
Foxxy, can't we
just rest for awhile?
Don't you give up,
tooth. [Grunts]
Thank god that kid
let us use his wagon.
[Whimpers]
Keep pulling, fatass!
[Both grunt]
[Grunts]
I will relish this.
[Grunts]
You can't run away,
Because i will catch up!
Wait, bro.
I never got to tell you
My absolute favorite thing
about vagina.
It brought me closer...
To you.
Kill them, robot.
For the children.
The wienermobile
is heading right for us.
It's a miracle!
Wooldoor,
I don't want to blow
the gay future.
Save yourself.
Oh, no, xandir.
Like paul mccartney's
ex-Wife,
We're not running anymore.
[Both grunt]
Nobody kills
wooldoor's dreams.
Not my closed-Minded parents,
Not my oppressive
third grade teacher,
Not that tough-But-Fair
drill instructor
Who taught me how to
be both an officer
and a gentleman,
And not you...
Terminator!
From the future.
Chorus:
♪♪ wienermobile ♪♪
♪♪wienermobile ♪♪
[Screams]
[screams]
♪♪ wienermobile ♪♪
♪♪ wienermobile ♪♪
[Panting]
♪♪ wienermobile ♪♪
[Flatulence]
[Gasps]
Eww.
[Gasps]
No.
No.
We did it, xandir!
Xandir? [Gasps]
My slight ankle sprain.
I'm not gonna make it.
Don't say that.
Wooldoor, you saved
the gay future.
I wish i could see it
one last time.
So beautiful.
Semen...everywhere.
Oh, xandir.
I'll miss you.
[Dings]
Hey, wooldoor.
Oh, hey, xandir.
[Hydraulics hissing]
[Beeping]
Must complete
primary mission.
[Groans]
Wooldoor sockbat.
I'm about to
commercial break you
in two. One.
[Narrates]
despite all my efforts,
The terminator survived.
And now, he had me
in his grasp.
I was deader
than a racist walrus
Lost in the detroit projects
after dark.
Don't any of you
spoogies have jobs?
What the hell
you say?
[All talking at once]
Wait. Stop.
Well, i'll be.
Hero's gonna be heroic.
Well, i guess
there's a first time
for everything.
[Liquid spurts]
ooh, look, y'all.
I got my period.
Brohabian,
Don't you see?
If you kill him,
There will be
no gay future.
Which means
there would be no you.
And that means
we shall never again
be able to talk.
About vagina.
But dude,
it's my primar
y mission.
Maybe it's time
you stopped listening
To the primary mission
up here,
And start listening
to the primary mission...
Down here.
Must terminate
wooldoor sockbat.
[Whimpers]
terminate...
Wooldoor sockbat.
Must...terminate.
Sockbat.
Must terminate...
The wall
around my heart.
Oh, you.
[Both moan]
You've got to be
shitting me.
Well, it looks like things
Turned out just fine
for everybody.
Except for toupee.
Now we can do
my kids' show.
And all of you
can be in it.
[All cheering]
Look, boys and girls.
It's our new friend,
the singing robobiker!
♪♪ welcome to
wooldoor's world ♪♪
♪♪ where everybody
loves vagina ♪♪
♪♪ every shape and size ♪♪
Guys, this is great.
I'm so glad i was able
to fulfill my dream.
Do you really
think my show
Will turn kids
all over the world gay?
Probably not.
[Child screams]
[Metal clanking
rhythmically]
Male robot on tv:
prepare to receive download.
every race and creed ♪♪
♪♪ every personality ♪♪
ª
♪♪ with tolerance and love âª
♪♪ we're all free
to be whee! ♪♪
Wooldoor, narrating:
it's always been my dream
to entertain children.
And i finally earned
enough money
As a bar mitzvah
to have my own show.
[Cheering]
[Laughs]
Damn it, hero.
Keep that mic
out of my shot.
Oh, it's too heavy.
[Cracks]
Great.
Now i chipped a nail.
[Man yodels]
Ooh...ahh...
Hey, boys and girls,
That must be
fat mountain.
Cut!
[Bell rings]
For christ's sake, toot,
you missed your cue.
I don't have time
for your crappy show.
Don't you know?
It's coming.
What the hell
you talking about,
mount fudgemo?
As a calf,
i heard the elders whisper
Of a mystical chariot
shaped like a hot dog.
Roughly translated
from fat to english,
It's called
the wienermobile.
The scars on my fat thighs
tell the whole story.
When the wienermobile
arrives,
It will offer up
tasty, all-Beef hot dogs,
But only to the worthy.
Oh, wienermobile,
Soon, i shall suckle at
your processed meat bosom.
[Slurping]
Mystical hot dog chariot?
The wienermobile exists!
Just like
the loch ness monster
and god's mercy.
Oh, lord, please guide
my boat safely back--
[Screaming]
[roaring]
Ok.
Let's try this again
from the top.
♪♪ welcome to-- ♪♪
[screams]
What in the name
of one-Dimensional
characters
And predictable
reactions
is going on here?
Hi, clara.
You're just in time
To see me film
my public access tv show.
It's about acceptance
and tolerance.
[Gasps]
acceptance
and tolerance?
Why, that's
a breeding ground
for homosexuality.
Millions of kids watch
public access tv.
If you put this on,
It will turn them all
gayer than a magician.
Oh, my go--Uh, wait.
Street or vegas?
Vegas!
Oh, my god!
Clara, a tv show
can't make you gay.
?
Oh, really?
Tell that to the kid
fromwho's the boss
Mmm, that is true.
And i will not let
wooldoor put this on tv.
I'm taking this
to the people
you can always count on
To protect
the white christian
status quo.
Denny's?
No. Congress.
Wooldoor, narrating:
next thing i knew, i was
testifying before congress.
People were trying
to suppress me,
Even though i was only here
to entertain kids.
Now i know how fire feels.
[Screams]
♪♪ so clench your teeth
and not ethnicity ♪♪
[Gasping]
silence!
Senators, this is
the gayest kids' show
i've ever seen.
It's tinky winky
times 10.
Gay 10.
[Crowd cheers]
Whee!
Senators!
A children's tv show won'â
ât make boys give fellatio.
Watching tv on the sofa
Can't turn your girl
into martina navratilova.
So, senators, if you protect
wooldoor's free speech,
S.
I'll massage your prostate
Each.
[Crowd cheers]
We shall now bring it
to a vote.
This hearing is
the biggest waste
of taxpayer money
Since you redecorated
the senate with
thestar warstheme.
You said you were
just getting new carpet.
[Screams]
All in favor of allowing
wooldoor's show on tv.
All: yeah!
All those
in favor of censoring.
All: yeah!
Very well.
By a vote of 7 to 4,
This senate hereby declares
That wooldoor's show
is allowed to air.
Great!
Now, my show
can entertain kids,
annoy adults,
And funny third thing!
[Electricity crackles]
[Beeping]
Hey, buddy.
Laundry night?
No clean clothes?
[All laughing]
Tell me, are you
wooldoor sockbat?
No.
Sorry.
I'm heart of hearing.
[Both screaming]
[All gasp and pant]
Oh, wienermobile,
Where art thou?
Toot, please,
Can't you see
we're trying to watch
transformer porn?
Female robot on tv:
please, not in the hair.
I have a date tonight.
[Liquid squirts]
what did i tell you?
Ohh!
Wienermobile!
Foxxy decided
to solve the mystery
Of shutting
the fat fuck up.
[Gasps]
oh, my god, toot.
I think i actually hears
the wienermobile.
You do?
It's coming from
inside the closet.
Wienermobile!
[Clicks]
Wienermobile?
[Muffled shouting]
[Music volume
on tv increases]
[Techno music
playing]
Here's to congress
for letting me do my show.
And to
freedom of speech.
Fuck yeah!
That's the shit!
I want to fuck
the head off a fucking pig
And rip
its fucking guts out,
And then fuck its fuckity
fuck fuck fuck fuck
Fuck fuck fuckity fuck
Fuck fuck fuck...
Wooldoor, narrating:
i was on top
of the world.
But then,
something happened
that killed my buzz
Faster than driving
over that kid.
[Brakes squeal]
[Indistinct crack]
[child screams]
Tell me, are you
wooldoor sockbat?
Yes. Are you
from the service?
Because i specifically asked
for no eastern european women.
It's gun to meet you.
[Screams]
[Whimpering]
Later!
[Grunting]
[All gasp
and scream]
Wooldoor, narrating:
i was being hunted down
By some ugly,
gap-Toothed nazi sympathizer
With a speech impediment
and a penchant for
memorable one-Liners.
Always bet on black.
On days like this,
i wish i had super powers
like captain hero.
Activate hero shield.
[Screams]
[Grunts]
I'm gonna die!
Please, no!
Huh?
Come on me
if you want to live.
I think you mean,
come with you.
Wh-What did i say?
[Gasps]
[screams]
Come on.
It's hot, but sad.
You just know
that fighter plane
dinosaur was molested.
[Horn honks]
[Honks]
uh-Uh!
The wienermobile
is for real real.
[All talk at once]
Come on, man!
[Indistinct chatter]
♪♪ wieners, wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners,
wieners, wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners, wieners, ♪♪
Oh, yeah!
Free hot dog!
Look at all these
condiments.
I hurt animals
because i'm sick.
♪♪ wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners,
wieners, wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners,
wieners, wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners ♪♪
♪♪ wieners... ♪♪
Wienermobile.
[Sniffling]
Wooldoor, narrating:
what a nightmare.
One minute,
i was celebrating
with my friends
Like a drunken pro athlete.
The next, i was crying
and running for my life
Like the wife of
a drunken pro athlete.
Xandir,
what the hell
is going on?
Clara was right.
Your show is destined
to turn the whole planet gay.
5 years from now,
Earth will be
a gay paradise
Where all music is dance
And all food is low carb
And the semen flows
like wine.
But a small minority
of normal people
Still survives
in the sewers
Beneath the sports arenas.
♪♪ she used to be cute,
now she's fat! ♪♪
The breeders fought back by
creating a killing machine--
[All talk at once]
A super hetero
killing machine.
What's the difference
between a woman with the pms
and a terrorist?
You can negotiate
with a terrorist.
[All laugh]
They sent the terminator
back in time
To destroy the gay future
by killing you.
A time traveling robot?
Gay future?
Wienermobile?
Oh, yeah.
I was sent back in time
to protect you
and your kids' show
And ensure
the gay future.
So now you're from
the future, too?
[Scoffs]
I thought you were
from a video game.
Video games are
the future!
Aah! He's got a gun!
Wooldoor, wait!
Come on my back!
Wait, what did i say?
Captain hero:
i had just returned
From deactivating
the hero shield
When the doorbell rang.
[Doorbell rings]
Tell me, bro,
are you wooldoor sockbat?
No, he's not here.
Wait a minute,
you're that guy
Who killed
all those pe--
Dude, is that
a beer tap?
Yes. It's draft lager.
Cool.
Can i have some?
[Grunting]
Dude, you totally
schooled that wall.
Up high!
Wow. A self high-Five.
You are so hetero.
Hey, bro,
what do you think
about vagina?
Dude,
i love the vagina.
Dude, i love the vagina.
What do you like to do
to the vagina?
What do you think
i like to do
to the vagina?
I think you like
to fuck it.
Damn straight.
I totally like
to fuck the vagina.
Sweet.
Sweet.
Dem wienermobile
hot dogs was amazing.
I ain't never had
so many wieners
in my mouth at once.
Only that one time
in college.
I ain't lying
like panaggio.
.
It's quitting time
Have a hot diggity
dog day.
Hey, asshole!
[Weeping]
Wow. I can't believe
we forgot about you, took.
My name is toot.
I'm pretty sure
you're wrong.
I know my own name!
By the way,
we sorry, fat ass.
[Sobbing]
I'm telling you,
a robot from the future
Is trying to kill
wooldoor.
I'm here to protect hi
m and make sure
His show
gets on the air.
I keep asking myself.
When will this
nightmare end?
And i keep asking myself
where do those legs end?
They look like
they go on for days.
Wooldoor: everything
was just so crazy.
I didn't know
if i could trust xandir
or the cops,
Or my ability to resist
The devilishly
suave advances
Of detective smith.
[Purrs]
[Dialing]
So i called someone
i knew i could trust.
My favorite names
for vagina?
Well, patty bacon,
beer cozy,
Baby gap, mordor--
Oh, and agnes.
Now how about you, pal.
What do you call vagina?
I call it a taxi
so i can roll over
and get some sleep.
[Both laugh]
that is so true, buddy.
Right here.
[Telephone rings]
Yello. Wooldoor,
hey, what's up?
[Gasps]
the police station?
Is this about
the hero shield?
Where is
the police station,
primary target--
I mean, wooldoor?
Ok, you stay put.
I'll be right there
to kill--Ha ha,
I mean, murder you.
You just have
to teach me how
to do impressions.
I mean,
you do a better me
than i do.
I'm captain hero.
I'm captain hero.
[Engine rattles]
[Squeaks]
Hey, do you know
what they call vagina
in france?
Royale with cheese.
[Screams]
Hey, you know
what i don't like
about the vagina?
What?
Nothing.
That's what.
[Screams]
[Whimpers]
A robot?
Xandir was telling
the truth.
Maybe he was also
telling the truth
About the joys
of needlepoint.
[Indistinct screaming]
[Gasps]
[Screams]
Wooldoor!
Xandir!
I found out
about the terminator,
And i have to tell you
something.
I'm sorry.
[Indistinct screaming]
Ho ho. Nothing but neck!
Somebody brought
his "a" game today.
Wait a second.
You're a robot?
I thought we told
each other everything.
If you weren't honest
about this,
How do i know
you weren't honest
about other things,
Like loving vagina?
Dude, how dare you suggest
i don't like the vagina.
Ooh.
Must complete
primary mission.
Ooh. Sorry.
Toot, narrating:
while those bastards
stuffed their faces
At the wienermobile,
I was trapped
in the closet
With nothing but
some old coats
And clara's golf umbrella,
which i've since renamed
The expandable
pleasure wand.
[Whimpers]
[Sobs] why?
Come on, toos.
It's not
that big a deal.
Not that big a deal?
How would you like it
if i locked you
in the closet
And you missed
the 1994 l.A. Riots?
Just like
the riots themselves,
That was
a very intelligent way
To express
your point of view.
Toot, i'm gonna
make this up to you.
I don't care
if that wienermobile is
A million miles away
or if it is right there--
Which it is--
We gonna get you
to that wienermobile.
What do you say,
ling-Ling?
That thing
will never stop hunting me.
I wish i'd never made
this stupid kids' show
Or this needlepoint
tape cozy.
Maybe
if i destroy this tape,
He'll stop coming
after me.
Yeah, yeah.
[Laughs]
No, you can't!
Huh?
Your show is the key
to the gay future.
And wooldoor,
it's your dream.
[Both scream]
[Both scream]
[wood breaks]
You're right.
I can't destroy
my dream.
I have to fight for it.
Over here. Over here.
The sinful gaymaker
is up there.
My friend bazooka joe
is treesed to meet you,
But it's time
for you to leave. Now.
[Grunts]
What are you doing?
Quick, xandir.
Snarf my cavernous bunghole,
you snurd-Nurgling jew!
N?
Don't you mean, hold o
Why, what did i say?
[Both scream]
[Both screaming]
[Both grunt
and groan]
Oh, my ankle.
Leave me behind,
wooldoor.
No way.
On your delicate
and well-Pedicured feet,
soldier.
You noticed.
T.
How could i not?
Fernando didn'
I noticed. I just
didn't say anything.
It's a no-Win situation
with him.
If i said he looked nice,
He said, what,
you didn't like them befor
e?
Aah!
Foxxy, can't we
just rest for awhile?
Don't you give up,
tooth. [Grunts]
Thank god that kid
let us use his wagon.
[Whimpers]
Keep pulling, fatass!
[Both grunt]
[Grunts]
I will relish this.
[Grunts]
You can't run away,
Because i will catch up!
Wait, bro.
I never got to tell you
My absolute favorite thing
about vagina.
It brought me closer...
To you.
Kill them, robot.
For the children.
The wienermobile
is heading right for us.
It's a miracle!
Wooldoor,
I don't want to blow
the gay future.
Save yourself.
Oh, no, xandir.
Like paul mccartney's
ex-Wife,
We're not running anymore.
[Both grunt]
Nobody kills
wooldoor's dreams.
Not my closed-Minded parents,
Not my oppressive
third grade teacher,
Not that tough-But-Fair
drill instructor
Who taught me how to
be both an officer
and a gentleman,
And not you...
Terminator!
From the future.
Chorus:
♪♪ wienermobile ♪♪
♪♪wienermobile ♪♪
[Screams]
[screams]
♪♪ wienermobile ♪♪
♪♪ wienermobile ♪♪
[Panting]
♪♪ wienermobile ♪♪
[Flatulence]
[Gasps]
Eww.
[Gasps]
No.
No.
We did it, xandir!
Xandir? [Gasps]
My slight ankle sprain.
I'm not gonna make it.
Don't say that.
Wooldoor, you saved
the gay future.
I wish i could see it
one last time.
So beautiful.
Semen...everywhere.
Oh, xandir.
I'll miss you.
[Dings]
Hey, wooldoor.
Oh, hey, xandir.
[Hydraulics hissing]
[Beeping]
Must complete
primary mission.
[Groans]
Wooldoor sockbat.
I'm about to
commercial break you
in two. One.
[Narrates]
despite all my efforts,
The terminator survived.
And now, he had me
in his grasp.
I was deader
than a racist walrus
Lost in the detroit projects
after dark.
Don't any of you
spoogies have jobs?
What the hell
you say?
[All talking at once]
Wait. Stop.
Well, i'll be.
Hero's gonna be heroic.
Well, i guess
there's a first time
for everything.
[Liquid spurts]
ooh, look, y'all.
I got my period.
Brohabian,
Don't you see?
If you kill him,
There will be
no gay future.
Which means
there would be no you.
And that means
we shall never again
be able to talk.
About vagina.
But dude,
it's my primar
y mission.
Maybe it's time
you stopped listening
To the primary mission
up here,
And start listening
to the primary mission...
Down here.
Must terminate
wooldoor sockbat.
[Whimpers]
terminate...
Wooldoor sockbat.
Must...terminate.
Sockbat.
Must terminate...
The wall
around my heart.
Oh, you.
[Both moan]
You've got to be
shitting me.
Well, it looks like things
Turned out just fine
for everybody.
Except for toupee.
Now we can do
my kids' show.
And all of you
can be in it.
[All cheering]
Look, boys and girls.
It's our new friend,
the singing robobiker!
♪♪ welcome to
wooldoor's world ♪♪
♪♪ where everybody
loves vagina ♪♪
♪♪ every shape and size ♪♪
Guys, this is great.
I'm so glad i was able
to fulfill my dream.
Do you really
think my show
Will turn kids
all over the world gay?
Probably not.
[Child screams]
[Metal clanking
rhythmically]
Male robot on tv:
prepare to receive download.