Drake & Josh (2004–2007): Season 1, Episode 5 - First Crush - full transcript

Come on, you know I look cool. - Come on, you know I love you.

I have to go, maybe I'll call you this weekend. - I'll call you this weekend, okay?

Bye Stephanie. - Bye grandma.

I love to talk to girls. - I like to talk to my grandmother ..

I just wish it was so easy to talk to women less .. You know ..

old.

Josh on the other hand .. Not so smooth with the ladies.

It's like me and girls speak a different language. She English, I idiot.

I do not know. But my father always says:

The most important thing is to always be yourself. - The most important thing is to always be yourself.

Unless you Josh.



Come on.

Every day .. Open, retarded safe.

I'm sorry, sorry. - Does not matter.

Okay.

Hi Katy. - Sorry, I did not mean to scare you.

You did not. I just ..

spoons.

Spoons? - Yes Yes..

you love spoons? - I think they are very useful ..

with cereal and soup. - That's what I mean.

New doei.

Spoons? The best that I can come is "spoons"?

Josh. What is wrong? - They think I'm an idiot.

Katy? - I.



Did you again "spoons" said?

And.

Look, do not get mad. Try to have a conversation that does not silverware.

I have to go to class. Later on. - Bye.

No!

Aw, man.

Every time even when I think of her breaking a sweat me out and I feel nauseated.

'T sound like you're falling in love ..

if you've eaten a shrimp was out of date. - Dad! Be Well once seriously.

Sorry. Look, son ..

You may not believe this, but I used to be not always so smooth with the ladies.

Really? - Really. The first time he uitvroeg me ..

I swear, he almost over. - That is not entirely true. After I uitvroeg ..

I actually also vomited. - I thought it was because of the perennial shrimp.

Hey, hey guys. I was just at the coffee: The Remarkable Brew. Look at you.

They are looking for a band to play every Friday night. Do you realize it or how cool is this?

For my band to play there. Every Friday.

At the coffee shop.

While you were there, you might not know what coffee drink?

No. A little. 6 cups. Why do you ask?

Maybe I have a present for her purchase. She said she loves spoons.

What, again Katy? - Yes..

we were just talking about his infatuation. - It's not love.

It is love.

Josh, if you want advice about approaching girls, ask not for old people.

Not as an insult.

Robert! Robert!

Come, come, wherever you are.

Megan? - What?

What .. Why are you in our room? - Am I not.

You're here too. - So, what's your point?

Megan. - Okay. I found a cat and I'm kind of lost.

You are allergic to cats. - Okay, I have no cat ..

Beautiful. - I have a snake.

Common!

You lost a snake in our room? - Snake!

I think I just found him.

Robert, here I come. Do not swallow dad in.

Who calls his snake now "Robert".

What does it matter. We need to talk about Katy situation.

It gives me a bad image if my stepbrother's a loser with girls.

So how do we de-stagger me?

Okay. Imagine that I'm Katy.

You seem far not Katy.

then use your imagination. - Oh, I got it.

Keep this picture of Katy for your face.

Did you draw this? - .. I have outlined.

This is very good. - Thanks. It's not even my best ..

I have a few dozen. Here are all my water color versions.

Okay, which is narrow. Let's just try this, okay?

Joshie Come here, give me a kiss. Come on baby, come here with that sugar lips.

Forget it. This is hopeless. - Come on..

You can talk to a girl that you like. - No ..

you can talk to a girl that you like.

How do you do it. - No idea.

I guess I just talk about things I know. You know, I mean ..

I play guitar and I think girls just find it really cool.

You have to do something cool, right? - I'm not cool, okay?

Why do you think so many old people like me?

Well, you know what I'm gonna do?

I'm going to give you the Drake Parker Crash Course on How to Approach Girls.

I grab a pen and some paper sketch.

So, how do you feel? - I feel really cool.

Say it again. - I feel cool-el.

Right. Do not say it that way. Well, let's practice one more time.

This orange is Katy. - Can we not use apple?

Oranges I get in my esophagus suffer from acid.

Thus, the apple is Katy. now talks about her eyes.

Hello Katy. Your eyes are like two crystal clear blue pools.

Excellent. What is your favourite sport? - Chess!

Josh. - Football, soccer, because ..

Football is male and I'm all man.

Hey guys.

What a guy. Can not stop the snake in a cage?

No. I need him to Mom again return to the pet. Your father is afraid.

I'm my father that he did not enjoy your writhing beast of death.

Compliment her hands. - Her hands. Your hands are beautiful.

They would be able to break three boards. - No, she has no strong hands. They..

There she is.

Just waiting to fall in love with you. - Oh, I'm ready.

Good, I need to get my band auditions. - Oh yeah..

Good luck. - Success with Katy.

Just do not be nervous. It's just a person. They're just boys only without ..

Just do your best.

And remember smoothly. - smoothly.

Hi Katy. - Hi. Josh, right?

Yes. And, um. I .. I could not help it but I saw:

Your eyes are like two crystal clear blue pools.

My eyes are brown. - Oh, uh, I know. I know that.

They are like two crystal clear pools .. With mud.

Thank you.

I see you have a flute. - Oh yeah. It's a recorder.

I had something to play for Music Appreciation so yeah .. A tuba does not fit in my backpack.

That's funny. Yes.

Do you play anything? - Chess.

What? - Guitar. I meant guitar.

Cool. I give a birthday party Saturday night ..

You want to come?

I mean, that would be cool. - Cool.

Here.

You give your party in The Remarkable Brew? - Yes. A friend of my father's own tent.

Would be a nice party. - Yes. I know exactly what gift I'm going to give.

What size are you wearing socks?

You do not need to buy a gift for me.

But you have to bring your guitar and play a song for me.

Bye.

Would not you want something less musically? Slightly more sock-like?

Or a spoon. You love spoons!

The next audition is Drake. Where is Drake ?! - Oh, hey, hey! I am..

What? Is there a bug on my face? Get off!

No no. You are the man who taught my brother karate. Do you remember? Josh?

Yes! He was very, very bad.

Okay. Anyway, my band is here to audition. - Hi.

When will we ..

Less talk, more so.

Okay. You know what to do.

I play drums!

You do. - Yeah.

Okay, here we go.

Oh my pick. - Backpack.

Oh, sure.

Okay, this is a song I wrote. It's called "I Found A Way".

1 .. 2 .. 3 .. 4.

Well I never thought that it'd be so simple but,
I found a way. I found a way.

And I always thought that it'd be too crazy but,
I found a way. I found a way.

If you open up your mind.
See what's inside.

It's gonna take some time to realize.

Over your shoulder you..

Slang!

What was that!? Are you guys crazy?

I-I'm sorry! I-I do not know .. - Out!

You all! Never come back here, to the place for music and coffee.

Get out!

This is impossible.

What are you doing home so soon? Have you had a chance to audition?

Oh, we auditioned. It was a train wreck.

What do you mean? You are super.

Not when crawling a snake of a meter over my shoulder in the middle of the song.

Megan.

Me and my band are no longer welcome in The Remarkable Brew.

Your band has been banned?

For life. Oh, and you will not believe it. The man who taught karate you own the coffee shop.

Drake. I'm in trouble.

I told Katy that I play guitar. - Why lie to her?

I do not know. I blurted it out like a kind of ugly pimple.

Thanks for the dirty thoughts.

Help me simply. - Okay. Be a calm.

She does not know that you lied to her.

She expects me to play a song for her on her birthday Saturday.

No problem. - Well problem.

Josh. Do not know how many songs are made up of three simple chords?

I can learn three chords for Saturday.

Can you? - Of course, I can even a monkey to learn to Saturday.

Unbelievable. You broke every string!

We better call a monkey.

There are people with no arms who can play guitar. With their feet!

This is my fault by lying. I'm just going to tell the truth and let her my whole life hating me.

You can not tell her the truth. - I can not live with a lie.

Look. You want honesty, if you want a girlfriend? - Girlfriend, please.

Okay, I think I have a plan. Where is Katy's party?

The Remarkable Brew.

Right. This day gets better.

The coast is clear.

Okay, you go say hi to Katy. - Wait, how did you get backstage?

There is a back door into the alley. Do not worry about me.

Stick to the plan and Katy will his girlfriend before the evening is over.

I'll stick to it.

Hi Katy. - Oh, Josh! Hi.

Come with me. Everyone, this is Josh.

He will play a song for my birthday, right?

You will hear a number. - Oh, and you know what ..

That friend of my father, the owner, nogsteeds searching for a musician to play here every Friday.

If he does not open auditions? - No, he has canceled after ..

an idiot threw a live snake to the public.

What a freak. - Yes.

Would you on stage? - Sounds good.

What song do you play? - This is a surprise for all of us.

Hey, here. - I am nervous.

Do not be afraid. Just put this jacket.

You know, green is not so good for me.

Come here.

Headache! You give me a headache!

Just put that jacket on.

Everybody..

Everyone .. Everyone, my friend Josh is a very talented musician and ..

He will play a special song for me for my birthday.

A big applause for Josh!

Hi Josh.

Whisk. - Oh okay.

That's enough.

II I always beat myself in the face to warm up before I start playing.

Okay, I think I'm warmed up now.

I will try to play a song Katy called ..

I'm coming to try on the track name.

Nogsteeds thinking. No idea.

It has no name, I have just written.

H It's called the Katy Lied.

I'm going to start playing. Now.

Thanks! Thanks everyone.

Peace out!

Josh, wait. You're amazing. I want you to meet the owner.

I do not think that's necessary. I have to go.

But it's my birthday, you can not leave now. Well, come on!

They are assembled!

You! I thought I had exiled you and your band!

Katy, I can explain!

I can explain!

Ren! - Run.

Can not you just leave?

Man, there she is.

Come on. You can not always hide from her.

This must happen. - No no.

Katy also.

Hi Josh, if that is your real name.

Because it is quite difficult to guess when you're telling the truth.

Look, I wanted to apologize.

Josh, it's all good ..

but I'm not interested in being friends or with someone who thinks he should lie ..

to impress me.

"Josh". What is this?

A surprise. - A birthday present.

When did .. - Why do not leave you alone.

It is astonishing. Where did you get this?

Actually, I painted it.

You painted this?

Josh, if you can paint this why would you lie about the guitar?

Because .. You're smart and clever .. and ..

If you had any idea how terrifying it is to a girl like you to talk ..

then you would understand why I say things wrong all the time.

You just said the right thing.

Wait a minute .. How do I know you really have painted?

I have a whole notebook full.

Maybe I can show you once you.

Next Saturday would be cool?

Sure!

Cool.

Hey Katy .. You know ..

Drake is the one who has played the song that you liked so much and he's a great musician ..

You think maybe you can talk to that friend of your father give him a chance to play ..

in The Remarkable Brew?

I think I Drake could set a new opportunity.

I almost forgot. You forgot your coat at the coffee shop.

You must be lost when you ran away screaming.

Thanks.

See you in class? - You'll sure.

Well that was smoothly. - How did you like my painting got in her locker?

Megan's slotkraak kit.

You're the best, you know? - Yes. I know that.

Oh and guess what? - What?

Katy said she was with that friend of hers father will talk about a new opportunity to play ..

in The Remarkable Brew.

Serious? - Yes.

Okay, it's official. I'm not the best. That's you.

I try.

What is wrong?

Slang!

Hi Josh. I'm Katy.

Your brother Drake, is a lot.

I thought this was about me.

Sorry. Come Joshie. Give me a kiss. Come on baby, come here with that sugar lips.

Thanks! Thanks everyone.

Peace out!

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