Drake & Josh (2004–2007): Season 1, Episode 4 - Two Idiots and a Baby - full transcript

So my stepbrother situation Drake works quite well.

Living with Josh is not so bad ..

but he should stop cutting his nails on my bed.

Drake his bed was certainly comfortable. Bye bye, toe-nail.

Anyway, my band doing great ..

we play tonight in a cool place. So I wrote a new song.

It goes a little like this:

It sounds better on guitar.

Drake always rehearses with his band downstairs in the garage.

They are very good, but also very noisy ..

which sometimes makes it difficult to learn, but mostly ..



- I think it's nice to have a new stepbrother

I would just think Josh is looser and we have more fun.

Drake is very smart, but just want to have fun. Fun, fun, fun ..

he will not go to death by some to take more responsibility.

Oh, disgusting! - Oh, disgusting!

Josh..

Josh!

I'm working on a number here.

Should you make so much noise?

Dude, I can not concentrate.

I CAN NOT HEAR YOU! I wear earplugs!

Dude, you can not build anywhere else you retarded mechanical machine?

It's not a stupid machine.

It is a 1 in 8 working replica of a medieval catapult.



Shower? - Shower ..

When I finish this baby can shoot up to 15 meters.

Impressive. Oh. Hey Hey. Why Do not climb in and ..

you shoot yourself out of my room?

This is my room. - It was my first room.

Good good. Let's make an agreement. We can..

I just wanted to say ..

But I just wanted ..

Headache!

Josh? Josh, put that thing out please. Your father is on the phone in the kitchen.

I hoi.

You look beautiful. - Thank you darling..

We go out to dinner with your father's boss. - No, we're not ..

Mr. Callaway was on the phone. - What happened?

Well, it has been called their nanny and he called us off again.

I never get that promotion.

I'm sorry, honey. - I really wanted to bewilder him with food.

Drake and I can be careful, you know. - What? Watch? What?!

Oh, boy. I appreciate this very! - But my band is playing tonight and ..

I call Mr. Callaway, you do your hair down further.

My hair is done.

I know.

I'm going to call the Callaway family.

Watch? Watch ?!

How could you imagine to go watch volunteer?

Because the dinner is very important to my father ..

he tries to get a promotion. - Yeah, but my band is as important as ..

Your father's dinner. - Hey, it's now your father, you know.

Whatever. - Come on, it's just a little baby. What would it.

I do not know..

I once saw a movie with a baby alligator when he grew up and ate everyone.

Nobody talks about an alligator. - Well, maybe someone should do right ..

Before it's too late.

Drake, Josh. Callaway family is er.

Come on, Drake, let's meet the baby. - I'll be right back.

I will help you until I have gone with the band. Then the baby is your problem.

Grab the tail and beware of the mouth and you'll save.

Look him sleep. It is such a little angel. - Thank you. He should sleep through the night ..

he does not, then you only need this.

Awesome. You see? All we need .. - And this.

Oh, and maybe ..

some of ..

this one.

This is his favorite.

I've been working on the track. The whole day.

Sleep, he always immediately. - Come on, darling. I think the guys can do it.

Of course we can. -Jahoor, you can go.

Based in.

Promise me to give extra attention to little Max. - Do not worry, we have it under control.

Well, goodbye.

Wait! Where are you going? You had to help said.

Help with what? He seems to sleep. - What if he wakes up?

She said he continues to sleep through the night. You'll be fine.

Please, will you.

Answer it! - He is stuck!

Pull it. - I don already there!

Trek. - I don already there.

Pull! Pull harder!

Oh, baby! - Oh, the fish!

Come on.

Give .. Give me that.

Drake, we have about two hours. - Can we at least have a moment to rehearse?

Hear you not? - We can not stop it.

Maybe his diaper, you know, filled? - Of this I have always cry.

Drake, check the diaper. - Oh yeah, like that's going to happen.

Come on, just take a look and tell if you have found some "stuff".

I will not watch it. - Smell then on.

I'm not smelling baby-butt.

I want to smell it!

Go for it.

Well? - Not bad.

Really?

That's the dirtiest thing I've ever smelled.

Which! You smell.

Ah, come on. it may be how bad?

Josh..
Josh?

So, so, so. He's ready. All we need now is a lazy ..

Grab something! The diapers!

This is wet! Give me another.

I think that was the last. - Good is that ..

we have a naked baby and no diapers. What do we do?

And this was it. - That baby could not look stupid.

You have offended him. Look what you've done.

Make it stop. - How?

The bear! Where is the one singing bear that makes him sleep?

I do not know .. Look there.

I got him.

I've been working on it ..

Come on, wind it up again.

I told him wind up, not breaking his head.

What are we going to do now?

I've been working on the track. Just to pass the time ..

Can not you hear the whistle flute. Driving so early in the morning ..

Can not you hear the captain calling: Diana, blows the horn.

I said Diana would not blow. Diana would not blow ..

Diana would not blow the horn.

Diana, blows the horn.

Finally. - Yes. Okay..

I continue with my slingshot.

Oh, that's Scottie. I gotta get to act. - Wait, Drake!

You can not leave me here alone with the baby.

You'll save it, he sleeps. And imagine never again to adjust voluntarily.

What if he starts to cry? I can not play guitar.

You think of something. Later on.

Drake, wait. I..

you need.

Okay, okay. He is right. I can do this. Everything .. Everything is under control.

The crying stopped. My catapult is almost finished.

The baby's gone ..

BABY'S WAY!

Here. Baby, baby, baby.

Here. Max. Where are you?

Oh, this is not good ..

wait! I hear crying ..

Oh, that's me ..

Oh, I check the garage.

Here. Baby, baby. Max, you sit here?

Ooh, how I'll ever find him? Oh, I know: Marco!

Framework!

Come on, Max. You know how this works. Say Polo.

What am I supposed to think? Babies can not swim.

I need help. I have to call Drake.

Your band has about 20 minutes. - Cool, thanks.

Cool, man. Thanks. I'm already set up. - Good.

Drake? Why do you smell like a dirty diaper?

Because I'm a changed. Not like you that just left us alone.

- Oh, like you, Josh have only allowed to be here?

That is something completely different because he's the one .. I did not ..

With you .. and I have been silent.

Drake! Take, take, take on ..

Answer now please ..

Hey, Parker .. - Hey Drak .. Ooh, with voicemail.

Drake, I can not this really just wondering ..

I run on the house, the baby is, not Polo.

And I think maybe ..

What was that? Drake, call me!

Baby!

It was only my slingshot.

With the baby's diaper curtain on it.

No. No no no no.

My catapult never be a baby from being thrown.

No, never.

NO!

I shot off the baby!

Hi Drake. - We can not wait for you guys to play.

Really? - Sure, your band rocks.

Well, we all do it for the fans.

So, what do you do after the show?

you also smell .. Dirty diapers?

Oh, yes, yes. That's our guitarist, Paul.

He has "glitches". - Ie.

Hell yes.

Where are you now, Max?

Oh, the rubybal has landed on the roof. I wonder where ..

BABY IS ON THE ROOF!

Drake! You will not believe it, but the baby ..

is fine, Mrs. Callaway.

Uh, yes, ma'am. Max .. right .. here.

You want to talk to him?

He's just working on something. Can I take a message?

No? Okay. H-Here he comes.

He sounds so happy. Hello little Maxie. Hai.

Mom. - He said mama!

That's his first word! Oh, Max, say it again?

Mother!

Oh, Max. I'm so excited. Let's go. I should be there for this.

Pak m'n handtas, Bob.

PAK m'n HANDTAS, BOB!

Hey, I have a voice message, please wait. - See you on stage.

Drake, I can not this really just wondering ..

I run on the house, the baby is, not Polo.

Drake, your band is as follows. - Yes man. Come on in.

Well, I'll be right there.

Drake, call me!

Hang on, Max!

Stay on the roof, Uncle Josh is coming to save you.

Okay, okay. This could be worse .. Naah, it can not be.

No baby. No ladder. No luck.

So, bit by hanging?

Drake! You came back! - Yes, my performance was canceled.

Can you tell me how to get there? - It's a long, sad story.

Can you reset the ladder? - Okay.

Hey, where's the baby? - Possible .. On the roof.

You put the baby on the roof ?! - No ..

it is conceivable that the baby had been shot down there. The, uh, catapult.

Oh, Drake. I made a mess of it. The baby is missing. The house was destroyed ..

and my father is fired. - Hey, where's Megan?

I do not know. I .. I have not seen her since the baby's gone.

I have a suspicion that the baby.

Okay. Im coming down.

Oh, come on!

Well, where is he? - I think he's hanging from the gutter.

Not Josh, baby.

Why do you think I have the baby?

Because you're a twisted devil girl.

Oh, thank you, Drake.

Where's the baby?

I deserve this. This is all because my ..

Turtle "Sheldon" forgot to enter kindergarten.

He's gone to heaven, and now my life is bad.

Are you happy now, Sheldon? We are now equal.

Josh?
Sheldon?!

Josh, what are you doing up there? - Oh, you are.

You know .. Just make the gutters baby proof.

Come down. - Right now!

Okay, catch me.

Walter? - Yes sir?

Your son is with me.

I'm sorry sir.

Come feet.

Well, Josh. What is going on?

Who is minding Max? - Uh, Drake is inside.

I'm going to look at the baby.

No! I mean..

it is such a beautiful evening. You would .. A piece can walk! Or..

a vacation.

I go inside to hear Max "mama" says.

Okay, look, look, I can explain. There is the following happened: I ..

Diana, blows the horn.

Oh, good evening everyone.

Hi baby. Say "mama". Say "mama".

How? - What, what?

The baby's back. The house is perfect.

Dad's boss is happy .. - Say "mama".

Zeg "mama".

Did he behave? - No problems.

As if he was not even here.

Well, we still need a ride. Thanks for dinner.

No, thank you, Bob. - Call me Mr. Callaway, please.

Come on, say "mama". Say "mama"!

Megan, you've helped the boys with the baby? - I certainly, Mom.

That's my girl. Okay, now go to bed.

Thanks, guys. Tonight meant a lot to me.

You love it too good to me. - No problem.

Glad to help.

Okay, you also likes one of my credit. Where did you find the baby?

In the same place we found your diary, itching powder and stink bombs.

Megan. - Jup.

So, why was your performance actually canceled?

Oh, you know. The club was booked and so we decided to take the band ..

No, you're beaten on the action and have come here to save me.

Because you love me.

Well, I knew it was an important evening.

Yes, it meant a lot to my father.

Hey, it's now my father.

Uh, guys? Why smell the curtains in the kitchen to pee?

We should pity him. - I do not know how to change a diaper.

Oh, Rena. You're a girl, you spare them. - Okay, obviously. Yes. Umm ..

just hold on.

We see no return.

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