Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989–1993): Season 2, Episode 15 - To Live and Die in Brentwood - full transcript

Man on radio: And here's
Tony Bennett on K.B.I.D.

♪ The shadow ♪

♪ Of your smile ♪

- ♪ When you... ♪
- Vinnie: YOU WANT CLASS,

YOU RENT A BLACK LIMO
WITH BLACK TINTED WINDOWS.

Janine: A LIMO IS A LIMO.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

Vinnie: THE DIFFERENCE, JANINE,
IS THAT BOB HOPE GETS OUT

OF A WHITE LIMO AND BOBBY
DE NIRO ARRIVES IN A BLACK LIMO.

CAN YOU GET ME SOMETHING
TO EAT? I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

HUSTLE UP, HOWSER. THE LIMO
PLACE CLOSES IN 20 MINUTES.

Doogie: RELAX, I'LL
BE DONE IN FIVE.



- HELLO, DOOGIE.
- Doogie: HI.

- HI.
- HI.

I'M JUST SAYING, I
THINK A WHITE LIMO

- WOULD BE MUCH PRETTIER.
- I AGREE.

HAVE YOU TWO LEARNED
NOTHING FROM US?

NOW, DR. H., HELP ME OUT.

YOU'RE TAKING YOUR BEST GIRL, WHO
FOR ARGUMENT'S SAKE WE'LL SAY IS MRS. H.,

TO YOUR FIRST FORMAL GALA.

NOW, WHAT COLOR
LIMO DO YOU SHOW UP IN?

WELL, VINCENT, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN
PARTIAL TO WHITE. IT'S MY IDEA OF CLASS.

ALL RIGHT, A BLACK LIMO IT IS.

Vinnie: OKAY, SO IT'S SETTLED.

WE DINE AT ADRIANO'S, WE
DANCE AT THE WINTER FEST BALL,

AND WE... AND WE DO
WHATEVER TILL DAWN.



SORRY, SPORT, BUT AFTER 2:00
A.M., YOU'LL HAVE TO DO IT ALONE.

MY PARENTS GAVE ME A CURFEW.

OH, MAN, YOU'RE KIDDING ME!

Dr. Howser: YOU KNOW,
VINCENT, IN MY TIME,

COUPLES WERE CHAPERONED
TO THEIR FORMALS.

HOW FASCINATING, DR. H.

IN HIS TIME, THEY WERE STILL
HUNTING WILD BOAR FOR FOOD.

- HEY, HOWSER! MOVE YOUR BUTT!
- COMING.

MY MOM ACTUALLY BOUGHT
ME A DRESS FOR THIS DANCE.

- NO WAY!
- CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

SHE THOUGHT IT'D BE
SOME BIG SURPRISE.

WHEN I SAW IT, I ALMOST
GOT PHYSICALLY ILL.

TOLD HER IT WAS THE UGLIEST
THING I'D EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE,

AND THEN WE PROCEEDED TO
HAVE, LIKE, OUR 17th FIGHT THAT WEEK.

SO WHAT ELSE IS NEW? WHEN ARE
WE NOT FIGHTING WITH OUR MOTHERS?

WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S ONE OF
THE GREAT MYSTERIES OF LIFE.

YOU GOT TO HAVE A
LICENSE TO BE A BUS DRIVER,

BUT ANY LUNATIC
CAN BECOME A PARENT.

- READY.
- Wanda: ARE YOU GUYS SURE WE
SHOULD GO WITH THE BLACK LIMO?

- BYE, DOOGIE.
- Vinnie: WE ALREADY
DECIDED THIS.

- WE'RE GOING BLACK. CASE CLOSED.
- BYE.

(sighs)

I REMEMBER WE HAD
A CHILD ONCE, DEAR.

I BELIEVE IT WAS A SON.
AND IF MEMORY SERVES,

HIS VOCABULARY EXTENDED BEYOND

“HI” AND “BYE.”

- WELL, AT LEAST HE
TOLERATES US, DAVID.
- MMM.

OH, COME ON. YOU
REMEMBER BEING 17.

YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE
ON TOP OF THE WORLD.

THAT'S THE PROBLEM, KATHERINE.

AFTER 50, ALL I CAN
DO IS REMEMBER.

THAT'S NOT NECESSARILY TRUE.

(switch clicks)

(kissing)

- KATHERINE,
ARE WE NECKING?
- MMM.

I'M NECKING, DAVID.
YOU'RE TALKING.

(theme music playing)

James Brown: ♪
WHOA, I FEEL GOOD ♪

♪ I KNEW THAT I WOULD, NOW ♪

♪ OW! I FEEL GOOD ♪

♪ I KNEW THAT I WOULD, NOW ♪

♪ SO GOOD, SO GOOD ♪

♪ I'VE GOT YOU, OW! ♪

♪ AND I FEEL NICE ♪

- ♪ LIKE SUGAR AND SPICE ♪
- (no audible dialogue)

♪ I FEEL NICE ♪

♪ LIKE SUGAR AND SPICE ♪

♪ SO NICE, SO NICE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I GOT YOU ♪

♪ SO GOOD, SO GOOD ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I GOT YOU ♪

♪ SO GOOD, SO GOOD ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I GOT YOU ♪

♪ HEY! OWW, YEAH. ♪

YES! KICKIN' BUTT
AND SAVIN' LIVES.

GIMME FIVE. HUH!

DIDN'T THE LAST EIGHT HOURS
FEEL LIKE 15 MINUTES TO YOU, CURLY?

- NOT QUITE.
- LOOK, I GOTTA RUN.

I'M BUYING WANDA A BRACELET FOR OUR
FIRST FORMAL. YOU GOT ANY PLANS TONIGHT?

- YEAH, I'M HOT-OIL WRESTLING
AT THE PLEASURE COVE.
- GREAT, HAVE FUN.

SPAULDING, MY SHIFT ENDS AT 8:00.
WHAT TIME ARE YOU GREASING UP?

(scoffs)

HERE YOU GO, DEAR. EVENING, SON.

HI, MOM. HI, DAD. MAN,
THE MALL WAS PACKED.

LOOK, I'M NOT GONNA
BE ABLE TO JOIN YOU

GUYS FOR DINNER. I'VE
GOT A DATE WITH WANDA.

WE'RE GOING TO THE MOVIES.
I'M LATE ENOUGH AS IT IS.

I GOT THIS INCREDIBLE
TUXEDO SHIRT,

AND YOU SHOULD SEE
THIS BRACELET I GOT WANDA.

- Man: Hello?
- YEAH, IS WANDA THERE?

Uh, she can't come to the phone
right now. May I take a message?

UH, YEAH, THIS IS HER BOYFRIEND,
DOOGIE HOWSER. WHO'S THIS?

This is Wanda's uncle.

OH. WELL... I JUST NEED TO
TALK TO HER FOR A SECOND.

I'm sorry.

Wanda's mother was killed
in a car accident earlier today.

HI, DOOGIE.

HI, MRS. PLENN. WANDA'S
GONNA BE DOWN IN A SECOND.

- CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?
- SURE. HERE.

THANKS. UM, I WAS
HOPING TO GET WANDA

SOMETHING SPECIAL
FOR OUR FORMAL,

AND I WAS WONDERING IF
YOU MIGHT HAVE SOME IDEAS.

UH... OOH, AS A
MATTER OF FACT, I DO.

THERE'S A PARTICULAR BRACELET
SHE'S BEEN WANTING FOR MONTHS NOW.

SHE SAW IT IN A MAGAZINE.

UM... MM-HMM.

I WAS GONNA GIVE IT TO
HER FOR HER BIRTHDAY.

- OH, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
- YEAH.

BUT YOU'RE GONNA GET IT FOR
HER. I'LL GET SOMETHING ELSE.

OH, DOOGIE. IT'D MEAN A LOT
MORE TO HER COMING FROM YOU.

I'M GONNA RIDE WITH WANDA.

CAN I HELP YOU?

I'M WANDA PLENN'S BOYFRIEND.
I THOUGHT I'D RIDE WITH HER.

I'M SORRY. THIS CAR
IS FOR FAMILY ONLY.

MR. AND MRS. GREEN,
THANK YOU FOR COMING.

THERE SOME COFFEE AND SOME
SANDWICHES INSIDE. HELP YOURSELF.

THANKS, WANDA.

WANDA'S SURE HOLDING UP WELL.

SHE'S SO MUCH LIKE HER MOTHER.

HEY. YOU, UH, NEED SOME HELP?

- NO, I'M FINE, THANKS.
- YOU SURE?

YEAH. WHY DON'T YOU
GET SOMETHING TO EAT?

SO NICE TO SEE YOU.
THANK YOU FOR COMING.

CAN I GET YOU SOME MORE COFFEE?

(people chattering)

- Man #1: HOW'S YOUR NEW ONE?
- Man #2: I LOVE THAT LEXUS.

I WOULDN'T DRIVE ANYTHING ELSE.

Woman: DID YOU KNOW WANDA'S
BOYFRIEND IS A DOCTOR?

- THAT'S WHAT I HEARD.
- THANK GOD HE WASN'T
ON CALL

WHEN THEY BROUGHT
PATTY INTO EASTMAN.

I LOST 40 BUCKS ON
THE RAIDERS LAST WEEK.

(children laughing)

- WANNA GO OUTSIDE?
- OKAY.

(electronic warble)

VINNIE?

ARE YOU OKAY?

I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW WEIRD
IT IS DOWN THERE, JANINE.

- I MEAN, IT'S LIKE A PARTY.
- I KNOW.

IT'S SO BIZARRE. PEOPLE
WERE EVEN LAUGHING.

NO ONE'S EVEN TALKING
ABOUT MRS. PLENN.

IT'S LIKE SHE'S ON
VACATION OR SOMETHING.

AND HOW 'BOUT THAT
GUY WHO KEPT ASKING US

ABOUT THE BRENTWOOD
HIGH FOOTBALL TEAM?

WHO DID HE THINK
DIED? VINCE LOMBARDI?

- HI.
- Vinnie: COULDN'T TAKE IT
DOWN THERE EITHER, HUH?

- SO HOW'S WANDA DOIN'?
- I DON'T KNOW.

SHE WON'T STOP SERVING COFFEE
LONG ENOUGH TO TALK TO ME.

I GUESS SHE THINKS BY KEEPING BUSY,
SHE'S NOT GONNA HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS.

- IT'S CLASSIC DENIAL.
- I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

SHE CALLED ME YESTERDAY,
BUT SHE DIDN'T WANT TO TALK.

ALL SHE WANTED WAS TO BORROW
MY BLACK BAG FOR THE FUNERAL.

Vinnie: IT'S JUST SO WEIRD.

MRS. PLENN WAS
JUST DRIVIN' ALONG,

MINDING HER OWN BUSINESS,

YET THE GRIM REAPER JUST REACHED
DOWN AND PICKED HER OUT OF THE CROWD.

YOU KNOW, THIS COULD HAPPEN
TO ANY ONE OF US AT ANY MOMENT.

I COULD BE ON MY WAY TO
SCHOOL TOMORROW MORNING

OR EVEN DRIVING HOME FROM HERE.

I THINK MAYBE I'LL WALK.

- VINNIE, YOU'RE NOT GONNA DIE.
- WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE, DOOG.

YOU THINK MRS. PLENN
THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA DIE?

IT'S OKAY, VINNIE.

IT WAS A NICE FUNERAL, HUH?

THE FLOWERS WERE SO PRETTY.

I WANT LOTS OF
FLOWERS AT MY FUNERAL.

ROSES... RED ROSES.

I'M NOT A BIG FAN OF DAISIES.

DOOG, YOU BELIEVE
IN THE HEREAFTER?

I MEAN, WHEN WE'RE
GONE, ARE WE REALLY DONE,

OR DO WE GET TO COME BACK AGAIN?

'CAUSE IF WE DO, I'M KINDA HOPING I
GET A SHOT AT BEING A LITTLE TALLER.

I DON'T KNOW, VIN.

WHEN I WAS SICK AND
AFRAID I WAS GONNA DIE,

I SURE HOPED THERE
WAS SOMETHING ELSE.

I GUESS I STILL WANT
TO BELIEVE THAT.

THANKS. LOOK, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO DO THIS. I CAN HANDLE IT.

LOOK, WANDA, EVERYONE'S GONE.

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A
BREAK? LET'S TALK FOR A MINUTE.

NOT NOW, DOOGIE. I'VE
GOT TO FINISH THIS UP.

MY DAD TOOK MAGGIE TO AUNT
HELEN'S, AND HE'LL BE BACK SOON.

I DON'T WANT HIM TO
HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS.

LOOK, I KNOW IT'S HARD,

BUT WE REALLY SHOULD
TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.

I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT
IT RIGHT NOW, ALL RIGHT?

DID YOU HAVE SOME OF
MISS ABBOTT'S CARROT CAKE?

LOOKS LIKE EVERYONE LOVED IT.

WANDA, YOU CAN'T
KEEP AVOIDING THIS.

DON'T TELL ME WHAT
I CAN DO, DOOGIE.

LOOK, YOU HAVE TO LET IT
OUT. IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

I'VE EXPERIENCE WITH PEOPLE WHO'VE
LOST A PARENT. I KNOW HOW YOU'RE FEELING.

YOU DON'T HAVE A
CLUE HOW I'M FEELING.

I'M SICK OF YOU ALWAYS THINKING YOU
KNOW EVERYTHING BECAUSE YOU'RE A DOCTOR.

- WANDA, I'M JUST
TRYING TO HELP.
- YES, LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.

“OH, WANDA, YOU
MUST FEEL SO SAD.”

“OH, WANDA, IT'S
OKAY. JUST LET IT OUT.”

WELL, THAT'S A BUNCH OF GARBAGE.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL SAD?

SHE DIED BECAUSE SHE WAS STUPID!

I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES WE
TOLD HER TO WEAR HER SEAT BELT,

BUT, SEE, SHE WAS WEARING

HER NICE, NEW LINEN DRESS.

AND OF COURSE, SHE
COULDN'T GET IT WRINKLED.

- WANDA...
- NO, JUST... JUST STAY AWAY FROM ME.

YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I FEEL?

I FEEL CHEATED,

BECAUSE MY MOM WAS
SUPPOSED TO BE HERE FOR ME...

FOR MY WEDDING, FOR MY
GRADUATION, WHEN I HAD A BABY.

BUT, SEE, NOW SHE'S GONE,
AND FOR NO GOOD REASON,

SO DON'T YOU STAND THERE

AND TELL ME THAT
YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL,

BECAUSE YOU STILL HAVE
A MOTHER AND I DON'T.

(door shuts)

VINCENT...

- MORNING, DR. AND MRS. H.
- GOOD MORNING, VINNIE.

- DOOGIE HERE?
- NOPE.

HE LEFT IN KIND OF A HURRY, AND
HE WASN'T REAL TALKATIVE EITHER.

SO WHAT ARE YOU
STILL DOING HERE?

WELL, UH, DUE TO RECENT EVENTS,

I HAVEN'T EXACTLY BEEN
SLEEPING TOO GOOD.

I KEEP THINKING THAT AT ANY
MOMENT, I COULD, YOU KNOW... POOF.

SO I'VE DECIDED TO
CREATE A VIDEO WILL,

AND SEEING AS THOUGH YOU GUYS
ARE LIKE A SECOND FAMILY TO ME,

I WAS WONDERING IF
YOU'D LIKE TO TAKE A LOOK.

- NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
- OF COURSE.

WE'D LOVE TO.

MAKE YOURSELVES COMFORTABLE.

Hello. This is Vincent Delpino,

speaking to you from the beyond.

I know this is a very
difficult time for all of you,

but I don't want this to
be a somber occasion.

I'm hoping you're all
partying as I speak.

Though if any of you
ladies feel the need to weep

and throw yourselves
onto my casket, feel free.

I think at this time it'd be
appropriate to say a few words

about the dearly
departed... That's me.

Vincent Salvatore Delpino
was born in July of '73

at Our Lady of Perpetual
Sorrow in Queens.

A handsome baby, he weighed in at
six pounds, one ounce, soaking wet.

UH, I COULD, UH, FAST-FORWARD
THROUGH SOME OF THIS.

An enterprising young man, he started
his own business at the age of seven.

This huge success
led to other...

(tape fast-forwarding)

And now, for the part,
you've all been waiting for,

my last will and testament...

The distribution of
my worldly goods.

First, to my family,
I leave all my films,

which I'm sure will one day
bring in a handsome income.

Every great artist is
discovered after they kick.

(chuckling)

To Janine Stewart, I leave
my Enrico Caruso records

and my queen-sized Posturepedic

for what might have been
but of course never was.

I'M STILL HOPING TO
AMEND THAT SECTION.

To Dr. and Mrs. David Howser,

I bequeath my
confirmation photo album,

because you told me that day was
the day you were the most proud of me.

And finally,
everything else I own

I leave to my best
friend, Doogie Howser.

I know you're gonna
miss me, Doog,

but not as much as
I'm gonna miss you.

(clears throat) Well...

I guess that's it.

So long.

THAT WAS VERY SWEET, VINNIE.

THANKS. OH, MRS. H.,

HERE.

COULD YOU GIVE THIS TO DOOGIE?

IT'S A LIST OF THINGS HE MIGHT WANT
TO LEAVE ME IN CASE HE GOES FIRST.

(door opens, shuts)

P.A. system: Dr. Berry, call the
pharmacy. Dr. Berry, call the pharmacy.

MORNIN'. HOW YOU DOIN', DOOG?

FINE.

THOUGHT THEY TOOK YOU
OFF E.R. ROUNDS FOR A WHILE.

THEY DID. JACK, WHEN THE
PARAMEDICS BROUGHT IN MRS. PLENN,

DID THEY PUT HER IN A MAST SUIT?

- OF COURSE.
- DID YOU PUT IN
A CHEST TUBE?

YES. I PUT A CHEST TUBE IN.

THE RUN SHEET SAYS HER
HEART SOUNDS WERE DISTANT.

- THAT'S RIGHT.
- WERE HER JUGULAR VEINS
DISTENDED?

DID YOU CONSIDER A
PERICARDIAL TAMPONADE?

LOOK, DOOGIE, I REALIZE SHE
WAS YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S MOTHER,

BUT WHAT ARE YOU
TRYING TO SAY HERE?

I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU
WOULDN'T TRY A PERICARDIAL CENTESIS.

- WHAT THE HELL
WERE YOU THINKING?
- READ THE DAMN RUN SHEET!

THE WOMAN HAD
MASSIVE BRAIN INJURIES,

HER LEFT PUPIL WAS BLOWN,
AND SHE WAS HERNIATING!

WE WERE TRYING TO
PREP HER FOR SURGERY.

WELL SHE DIDN'T MAKE IT, DID
SHE? YOU LET HER DIE ON THE TABLE!

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? I DON'T HAVE TO
STAND HERE AND JUSTIFY MY ACTIONS TO YOU.

YOU'VE HAD FIVE DAYS TO THINK
ABOUT THIS. I HAD 30 SECONDS!

AND I DON'T CARE
HOW YOUNG YOU ARE.

THE NEXT TIME YOU QUESTION
MY JUDGMENT, I'LL KICK YOUR ASS.

DR. HOWSER...

WHY WASN'T I THERE? I
SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE.

- IT WOULDN'T HAVE MADE
ANY DIFFERENCE.
- I DON'T ACCEPT THAT.

WHY DIDN'T THEY DO A
PERICARDIAL CENTESIS?

WHAT IF THEY HAD FOUND
BLOOD IN THE PERICARDIUM?

- IF I WAS HERE,
I COULD HAVE SAVED HER!
- YOU'RE WRONG.

THE PATIENT DIED OF MASSIVE INTERNAL
INJURIES MINUTES AFTER SHE ARRIVED.

THERE WAS NOTHING YOU OR
ANYONE ELSE COULD HAVE DONE.

YOU CAN'T BLAME
YOURSELF FOR THIS.

AND YOU HAVE NO RIGHT
TO BLAME DR. McGUIRE.

I COULD HAVE DONE
SOMETHING, DR. CANFIELD.

WE ARE NOT GODS, DR. HOWSER.

AS MUCH AS WE'D LIKE TO BELIEVE WE CAN
SAVE EVERYONE WHO COMES IN HERE, WE CAN'T.

THE FACT IS, PEOPLE DIE...
EVEN THOSE CLOSE TO US.

DOUGLAS,

PUT ASIDE BEING A
DOCTOR RIGHT NOW

AND STOP LOOKING FOR
ANSWERS THAT AREN'T THERE.

YOU HAVE TO BEGIN TO ACCEPT
THAT THIS WAS A VERY PERSONAL

AND PAINFUL LOSS FOR YOU.

GO HOME.

TAKE SOME TIME WITH THIS.

YOU'LL KNOW WHEN YOU'RE
READY TO COME BACK.

FINE.

OKAY, LOOK, JUST TELL
HER I CALLED, ALL RIGHT?

THANKS.

- WHAT'S THE MATTER?
- IT'S WANDA, MOM.

THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME I
HAVE CALLED HER TODAY.

HER AUNT SAYS SHE'S NOT HOME,
BUT I KNOW THAT SHE'S THERE.

WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU TWO?

ALL I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO IS TALK TO
HER, AND SHE JUST KEEPS CUTTING ME OFF.

WELL, MAYBE SHE'S NOT
READY TO TALK, DOOGIE.

MAYBE SHE JUST WANTS TO BE
LEFT ALONE FOR A WHILE, HMM?

I DON'T THINK SHE
KNOWS WHAT SHE WANTS.

- AND YOU DO?
- YES.

SHE NEEDS TO SHARE HER
FEELINGS WITH SOMEONE.

SHE NEEDS TO LET
PEOPLE HELP HER.

OH. SOUNDS LIKE THAT'S
WHAT YOU NEED HER TO DO,

SO THAT YOU CAN PLAY THE
COMFORTING DOCTOR AND BOYFRIEND.

THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU, DOOGIE.

IT'S ABOUT WANDA.

MOM, I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP
HER. I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.

HONEY,

THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN SAY OR DO
RIGHT NOW TO MAKE HER FEEL BETTER.

ALL YOU CAN DO IS
BE THERE FOR HER

THE WAY SHE NEEDS
YOU TO BE THERE.

(exhales) HI.

HI.

I WAS, UM, SETTING THE TABLE

FOR DINNER TONIGHT,

AND I SET A PLACE FOR MY MOM.

I CAN'T... I CAN'T
BELIEVE I DID IT.

Mr. Plenn: OKAY, HERE WE GO.

(camera shutter
clicks, motor whirrs)

HERE, DOOGIE. HOW 'BOUT
ONE OF THE PLENN FAMILY?

- COME ON, PATTY. NO, NO, COME ON, PATTY.
- OHH!

- NOT NOW, MICHAEL!
- EVERYBODY CLOSE.

- OH, I LOOK TERRIBLE.
- MOM, YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

SMILE.

(camera shutter
clicks, motor whirrs)

(exhales)

(theme music playing)

(orchestra playing
Vivaldi's "Four Seasons")