Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (2016–2017): Season 2, Episode 10 - Nice Jacket - full transcript

Previously on
"Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency"

- Farah, I'm sorry!
- Aah!

What the heck happened?!

- Oh, my God... Bart!
- Ken!

I'm your friend.
You have to trust me.

Wendimoor is mine.

You will travel to my world
and kill everyone you see.

You want to portal into
Blackwing to get the boy?

If you can get me
and the Rowdy 3 in,

we'll be like super action...

I can't keep it open. It's too much by myself.



I could maybe get you there,
Dirk, but then you'd be stuck,

and I don't know
if I could get you back.

Suzie.

Todd, you can help me.

You can maybe use
your energy,

and it would help me
keep the portal open?

We'll slow that witch down.

Shit, then...

I'll do it alone.

Don't... panic.

And so
the prophecy was fulfilled,

and everyone in Wendimoor
lived happily ever...

Not this time!
This is my story now!

There once
was a very special princess



who no one appreciated.

She was married to a slob,
and her son was an idiot.

She had a terrible accident

that wasn't her fault
even a little bit,

and ended up lost and alone.

But then a wonderful wizard
from another world came

and gave her another chance

to live the perfect life
she deserved!

And so the princess
became a beautiful queen

who everyone loved,

and lived happily ever after.

Or else.

*DIRK GENTLY'S*
Holistic Detective Agency
Season 02 Episode 10
Title: "TNice Jacket"

Oh, shit.

Tina,
are you alive?

Hobbs?

Are you back?

Hi, Tina.

Oh, my God,
Hobbs, you're alive!

Why are we
in the quarry?

Did something explode?

Yeah.

Phew!

No, no.
P We've all been shot,

several...

many times...

Aw, dang, that's true.

Who shot us?

Who shot us?

You!

You shot both of us.

Tina, you also shot me once.

I shot you once, and you twice.

Why were we all
shooting each other?

The Mage made us do it.

Why didn't anybody shoot
the frickin' Mage?

Hobbs, be cool, man,
be cool.

The first thing
we need to do

is put pressure on the wounds.

Okay.

Use your belts,
tie them tight.

Can either of you see
your intestines?

Are you having
trouble breathing?

Nope.

No intestines.

We don't have
that much time.

We have to get help
very quickly,

or we will die.

I'm gonna go get the truck...

and pick you both up.

You got it,
girl.

Go, Farah.

Guys...

I don't think
this plan's gonna work.

Okay, but...

you?

Why would the dog be...

You know what, I can't.

Whoa!

Shh!

Okay, okay...
Okay, I can do this.

I can do this...

No, I can't, okay...

No, no, no, no!

Project Icarus,
did you do this?

Do what? What did I do?

The facility is in chaos!

There are knights!

Knights everywhere!

Ah, yes, actually,
I do know about that,

and that actually
probably is my bad...

- It is?!
- Or no,

or whatever answer's gonna
make you stop pointing that gun

and listen to me.

I can end this,

but only if you take me
to Project Moloch.

You are a Blackwing subject.

I do not take orders from you...

Ouch!

Fire at will!

Move!

Aw, Jesus...

I knew something like this
was gonna happen.

Listen, Mister...

Assistent?!

God, I hate Blackwing!

Why did I even
take this job!

My boss is an idiot,

like, so dumb,

and now we're gonna
get killed by knights?

I thought
"top secret" meant

that I was gonna
get to meet aliens, man!

Snap into it!

I'm here, and I'm not panicking,

so that means
you can't panic either.

You have a head injury,

so I'm sorry if this
loud voice I'm speaking in...

And all of this...
Is making it worse,

but we don't have time
to waste!

To fix this, we need
to get to Project Moloch now!

Wh...

Wh-what happened?

The pain was too much, so...

I... I took us
out of our bodies.

You can do that?

Apparently, yeah.

What is this place?

I guess it's what's
behind... everything?

It's like
the backstage of reality.

I've see this
in my visions before,

but I've never
been here.

Wow.

Yeah.

- Drugs.
- Drugs.

What's that sound?

Todd?

Stay with me.

The pain is going to try
to pull you back into your body,

but trust me,

you don't wanna be there
right now.

What happens if Suzie arrives
while we're still here?

I think that would
probably be bad.

Are you sure you know
where we're going?

We're both gonna die, man!

Well, perhaps, but I'm trying
not to think about that.

Okay, uh...
perhaps this door, then.

That's not
Moloch's chamber!

Going where I'm going
without knowing how I'm knowing

is sort of my whole thing,
and there were kind of a lot of people

killing each other that way,
so let us in here!

That's a secure room!

Open it.

Now.

Hey, freeze!

- Drop your weapons!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hi, Dirk!

Mona?!

Down, now.

You guys smell that?

It's weird.

I don't like it, man,
it smells like burning.

We stop her here,

before she gets
to the Drummer

and her brother.

No, I don't like this.

No, no, no, no, no.

I've got ants in my pants.

What's so funny?

Why is she laughing?

This is why
we were brought here.

This goofy bad-news voodoo mama
ain't got nothin' on us.

Sticks and stones.

Protesto!

You rats think

that you can defeat me?

Feeding time, boys.

Vraxis.

Aah!

Dirk!

Oh!

You came to save me!

They said
you were in trouble?

Well, yes, I definitely
have been in trouble, Mona.

I've been trying
to find The Boy!

Is that where you went
when you went through the bed?

Mona, might I be so rude
as to inquire,

when you said "Find The Boy,"

you didn't... happen to know
he was in Blackwing

the whole time?

No, I didn't know that.

I was just
trying to help

the cute little snail
that talks in my head.

Right, that's great.

You did great work for that...

snail?

Did you find The Boy?

Yes. Yes, I did,

and he's here,

and this man
is going to take us to him.

Moloch is in the East Wing.

We'll never make it.

This place is a war zone!

"You'll never make it!

This place is a war zone!"

We'll never make it.

This place is a war zone!
Can you help?

Of course.
I can get you there

really, really fast.

- Excellent!
- Okay, just one thing...

can you turn into a bug?

Only emotionally.

Okay,

then we'll try
something else.

Alakazaam!

Face my wrath, you insect.

Die at the hand

of the most powerful creature

in the universe!

Toros.

Enough.

Enough of this!

Who are you?

Like, seriously,

what is your problem?

Why are you here?

You're, like,
some mom from Montana?

I don't understand
why you're involved,

literally, at all.

No one does!

You're just like
this psycho crazy person

who's screwing up everything
for everyone!

You have killed
so many people.

Do you have any conception
of what is going on,

or what you're even doing?

I have this now.

This...

has given me a second chance.

It's helped me fix
everything that's broken.

I'm taking control of my life.

Taking control of your life
is about changing you,

not everything else.

It isn't some instant magic wand

that you can just wave around

and make everything
the way you want it.

Maybe you're right, then.

Maybe I am a bad person.

But it's so much
more fun

than being good all the time.

Wait.

Why are we even talking?

Why haven't you killed me yet?

Ooh, ooh, ooh...
your wand is messed up!

Your wand is messed up!
Ooh, ooh!

No... No, Barabat...

Wow...

I can't believe...

This ends now.

You really think
you can turn into something

faster than I can
pull this trigger?

Oh, I understand now.

You're the bad one.

No, I'm not!

That'd be a much more
compelling position

if you weren't pointing
a gun to my head.

I can't let you go,

'cause then you'll just
disappear again

and make me look
like an idiot!

Everybody thinks
that I'm an idiot!

Even I maybe think
that I might be an idiot!

Look, the only way
to end this

is to return Project Moloch
to Wendimoor.

That's why all of this
is happening.

Oh, God...

It is him.

Ken was right.

It's because he had that stroke

when I brought him here.

This is all my fault.

Why am I
always wrong?

I just...

I want to be right for once.

It's all
so complicated.

Wait...

Am I the villain?

Am I, like, the bad guy,

but I'm just so stupid
that I didn't even notice?

It's not just you,
Mr. Friedkin.

The problem is Blackwing.

The attempts
to build a cage

around the utterly uncontainable

have only caused more bloodshed.

Don't blow this.

This is your chance

to make things right.

I can't let you go.

You're the problem, not me.

Do you
really believe that?

What's more important,
Mr. Friedkin,

being in charge,

or doing the right thing?

Is this a trick question?

No?

Clear!

There's more coming,
more coming!

There's no time
for more fighting!

Let's go, let's go!

Oh no.

- What? What's wrong?
- The portal's gone.

- Is that...
- Bad.

That's very bad.

Amanda, come on,

you're okay...

What happened?

Hey!

Sis!

Oh, my God.

Man, I'm messed up.

We need to reopen
the portal, okay?

Wait, what happened to that
evil bitch with the wand?

Is she dead?

No.

Come on...

Open the gate.

Just find a way.

I'll cover you.

Cover me?
Todd, she'll kill you.

Do it now, or we all die.

No... No!

No, no, no, no!

What is going on?
What's wrong?

There is supposed
to be a portal here!

Oh, no, something
must've happened.

Well, we have to do something!

Dirk Gently dies,
and the prophecy is over!

You?

The...

Bart... guy?

Dirk, this is bad.

You guys aren't going anywhere.

This is Supervisor Adams.

Lock this room down,
Priority Ten!

Now!

No, no, no!

Nafraya stupid baboon!

Amanda, open the portal now!

I won't let you
ruin this for me!

No...

Ken, listen to me,

you have no idea
what is going on here.

Don't you
condescend to me, Svlad,

you fast-talking freak.

You don't even understand
your abilities.

You wander through
out-of-control situations

fumbling everything you touch!

But if you're here now,

there's a chance

that this is where
you're meant to stay,

and I'll be damned

if I'm letting
the debug function of reality

walk out on my watch!

Then...

you won't kill me.

No.

But...

Reinforcements
will be here soon.

This facility
is under control.

You, don't move.

I'm on your side!

Avaratos.

Avaratos!

Avaratos.

No...

I think I must be going.

My friends are waiting for me.

Don't move.

I swear to God, I will shoot you
in your other leg!

No.

You moron, drop that now.

You can't control it.

That's not how it works.

Shut up, Hugo.

You can only make it worse,
you can't fix anything.

Svlad, Svlad!

I will shoot you!

You shoot him, and I shoot you!

Todd?

Keep the portal open.

Don't do it!

Dirk...

Go.

Now!

Don't move!

No!

No!

Bye bye, now.

Todd?

Toro...

Rise and shine.

Todd, please
tell me you're okay.

Are you The Boy?

I don't remember you.

Are you a bad guy
or a good guy?

Good guy?

- The bad guy! So bad...
- The main bad guy...

Bad guy! She's the worst!

I'll rip you to pieces,
you little piece of...

Did we win?

Who... Who won?

Dirk!

It's him!

It's actually him!

You did it!
What? How?

Bit of a team effort,
really.

Oh, my God, what
happened to your leg?

Oh.

Wait a second,
what happened to...

Todd, can we not
right now?

That's The Boy.

Francis.
My name is Francis.

Thanks for
bringing me back, Dirk.

I'm sorry it was so confusing.

No, that's...

That's quite
all right.

It was hard for me
to see things clearly

while I was
in the big sleep.

I couldn't make anything new,

couldn't change anything.

I just knew
if I could get here,

I would wake up.

Sorry your world
got so screwed up.

It's okay.

I can fix all this.

Wendimoor
will be perfect.

Wh-what about
The Mage?

The Mage!

Oh, my God, totally
forgot about him!

Oh, we need
to stop him, we...

The Mage is dead.

Dead?

Your friends back home
already stopped him.

Who could possibly stop
a super-powerful Dark Wizard?

- Farah.
- Farah.

Farah. I knew it
before we said it.

But now, she needs your help.

Why? Wh-what...

I'll send you back
with a gift.

It'll be the last thing I make
in the old world.

Thank you
for your help, stranger.

Your friends, the Rowdy 3,
are okay.

But I suppose they'll want
their special car back.

What about me?

I still have things
to learn here.

No.

You have big things to do
in the other world.

Oh, God.

Oh, God, oh, God,

oh, God, oh, God,
oh, God, oh, God...

Farah?

Okay... Hobbs!

You alive?

I'm definitely
sort of alive...

Tina?

Hey, man, whassup?

You're gonna be okay.

Maybe...

not, Todd.

Here, I'll help...

Who shot you?

Oh, it was a whole thing.

Listen, I'm so sorry
about all of this.

Are you apologizing to me

for me saving your life?

That is so you.

Ow...

Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Ow.

Hello, Francis.

It's nice to meet you.

Thank you for your help, Mona.

I couldn't have done this
without you, Dirk.

Can I...

Can I ask you...

Do you know...

what I am?

Do you know...

why I am?

I know a little.

We're supposed
to help fix things.

That's what all of us are.

Tools...

to fix the broken universe.

There's problems
in reality.

You're supposed to repair them.

Each of us has
a different purpose.

You help people
be where they should be.

Hmm.

And you?

I was supposed to make things,

but then my dreams
caused a problem

that you had to fix.

I wish my life
in the other world

had turned out better,

but I guess
there are some things

you just have to let go.

You have to create
your own world,

create your own family.

But I suppose
you already know that,

don't you, Dirk?

Are you ready to go home?

Yoo...?

Now, what should I do with you?

Hello.

Thank you for getting rid
of all these jerks.

There were only supposed
to be ten of them,

not a whole army.

Are you The Boy?

That's me.

Well, are you gonna
fix everything?

You gonna make it all better?

This was never meant to happen.

I messed up
with the Suzie Boreton lady,

and me messing up
led to more people dying,

people who weren't supposed to.

I can't beat it.

You could stay
here, you know.

I'm gonna fix all this,

make it all better.

No, I can't.

I can't, I would just ruin
your perfect world.

I thought I was a leaf

in the stream of creation.

But I'm not.

I'm on a wire.

I'm a puppet.

I'm not even a person.

I'm just a weapon.

In time,

I hope you'll find
that that's not true.

Get me outta here.

Okay.

Where do you want to go?

Oh...

now I get it.

40 people dead,

a security breach

at one of the most
secure facilities

in the world.

This is a disaster.

A disaster?

Really?

See, now,

that's just a matter
of perspective.

How so?

Well, in the end,
the intrusion was contained.

Look, I know

this might seem like
a bunch of chaos

to you,

but what we're looking at

is something
far more significant.

Enlighten me.

These weapons and armor
are made of a metal

unlike anything found
on planet Earth.

In Bergsberg,

we have a permanent
research installation set up

around a geometrically
impossible pocket dimension

built into the farm house.

What we have here

is conclusive proof

of the supernatural.

This is the greatest discovery
in human history.

Nice spin.

So, what now...

Supervisor Adams?

All I'm saying is,

from now on,

I'm all about
moderation.

Getting shot twice was enough.

Bucket list, check!

No need to do that
ever again.

Hey, I gotta tell you,

it beats giving out
speeding tickets every day.

Hobbs, you got
turned into a zombie.

Yeah.

I know.

I'm still hung over.

I just feel like

I missed
all the good stuff.

Good stuff?

Hobbs, do you know
how much crazy crap

I had to do
without you?

There were witches
and zombies

and wizards
and shit...

That's the good stuff...

It was
one of the top...

11 craziest experiences

of my life.

You did good, Tina.

Thanks, Farah.

Hobbs...

stop smiling
at me like that.

I just... I always knew
you'd be a good cop.

Anyway, Farah,
I looked this morning,

and, um,
you are no longer

on the FBI's
most wanted list.

Also, some, uh,

some real spooky-type guys

came around our hospital rooms

with secrecy contracts,
I guess?

I think they're trying
to go around

and clean this whole thing up.

It's Blackwing.

Hey, if they
wanted you,

they would've gotten you
by now, right?

That's probably true.

I should probably
give this back to you.

No.
No, no, no, no.

No, you keep that.

Hey, federal regulation
8.51.91 clearly states

that after
a period of crisis

all police property
must be returned

by a deputized civilian.

Come on.

No.

You keep that.

New outfit.

Is this the Fall look?

Thrifting in Montana

is better than
you'd expect.

It's a thing.

You guys are all
doing a thing.

Yeah, I'm trying
to get them

to all to wear gray...

It's kind of like
weirdly early 2000s?

It's supposed
to represent duality.

No, I got that.

That's not subtle.

So...

what now?

Back to normal life?

Yeah.

Maybe I'll get a job.

Yeah, I didn't think so.

You know, I saw things,

in my visions.

Something big is coming.

Reality is falling apart
at the seams, dude.

There's more people
out there like Dirk.

Someone has to find them
before Blackwing does.

Yeah, but why
does it have to be you?

That's where the road
is taking me.

I'm a leaf
on the stream of creation.

You could come too.

Both of you.

Your powers could be
really helpful, Dirk.

Oh, yes, well,
that's not really...

How it works,
right, yeah.

Well, you guys got
your own thing to do.

I guess it's just
the six of us.

Six?

A lil gits!

I fown fahoo, beautyboy.

Oh, um...

Here.

Nice.

Ahluya foheeva, Bibbit.

I, uh, forgot
to give you this.

The Rowdy 3 found it
forever ago

back at the Ridgely.

Hey...

Good luck.

I love you, Todd.

I love you too, sis.

- Time to boogie.
- Let's go, boys.

All right.

Wow, so...

the rainbow monster,
she looked, uh...

Not really
my thing, Todd.

You don't think

that cave girl from fairy land
staying here is going to...

Eventually connect
to something in some way

that eventually becomes
a simply enormous problem?

I mean, yes, Todd.

That's obvious.

Oh.

If loose ends are
gonna be a problem,

I should probably...

Uh...

Oh! The...

You got the awesome gun!

- Right?
- Yeah!

You see, I knew I could
get away with this one!

Oh, whoa,
whoa, whoa...

You okay?

You know what?

I really am.

Hey, Dirk.

You solved the case.

Eh...

It was an easy one.

An easy one!

Go screw yourself.

Well, everything
is relative.

Oh, is that
your new thing?

What do you think happened
to Suzie Boreton?

I'm okay.

I'm okay!

Ow, my hip...

Hello?

Hello?

Oh no...

No...

No!

No! No!

Hello, my love.

♪ Tired of sleeping
on the sidewalk ♪

♪ Working at the bus stop

♪ Night till morning

♪ Tired and waiting
for the sunlight ♪

♪ When it comes it's still dark
where I'm going ♪

♪ Don't

♪ Don't punish me

♪ For what I feel

♪ Don't

♪ Don't punish me

♪ For what I feel

♪ So I crawled out
of the back door ♪

♪ Took off
all these tight clothes ♪

♪ Jumped into the water

♪ So I crawled
out of the back door ♪

♪ Took off all these
tight clothes ♪

♪ Jumped into the water

♪ I jumped into the water...

Did it.

♪ The water... ♪

♪ The water... ♪

Shh.

As you can see,

there have been
a number of changes

to the program.

I think you'll find it
much more rewarding

than your last visit.

But on a personal level,

I'm just so extremely happy
to see you.

Yeah, it's good
to see you too, Ken.

The world out there is...

it's confusing and irritating,

and I'm sick of it.

Well, I can certainly
relate to that.

We're going to figure it
all out together,

I promise.

Uh... well, hey,

where are you going
in such a hurry?

What are you,

are you some big business now?

Yes,
actually I am.

I'll see you
soon, Bart.

I think we're going
to have a lot of fun.

Ken?

I think I should tell you,

the universe is sort of...

making me feel like
I should kill you now.

I anticipated
that might happen.

But you won't,

will you?

We're going to bring
order to the universe.

I'm going to bring everything

under control.

So in your world,

do you see yourself
as one of the good guys?

Mr. Priest,

in my world,
there are no "good guys."