Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (2016–2017): Season 2, Episode 1 - Space Rabbit - full transcript

Darkness has come
to the Land of Wendimoor.

An evil wizard called The Mage
has risen,

his great army destroying
everything in its path.

Now he marches on to
the Valley of Inglenook,

where a war
between two families rages.

I'm gonna kill you!
Get back here!

There's nowhere left to run!

You coward!

You'll never get away!

We've got you now!

Get back here!



You'll pay for what you did
to our family!

End of the road!

You can't run anymore, Trost!

My friends,

you misunderstand.

I was running to protect you.

Come on.

Had enough?

Panto Trost!

Halt where you stand.

Kill him, Silas!

Yeah, have Wygar
smash him to bits!

Scramola, deadbeats!

My family did not take



your brother Farson, Silas.

You must believe me.

Of course I believe you,
my love.

Come back, speak to my mother.

Together we could convince
our families to end this war

before The Mage's armies arrive.

The prophecy is the only answer.

Silas, they're coming.

If you believe, then go.

Now.

Stay safe, my love.

Save our world.

Fulfill the prophecy!

Find him!

Find Dirk Gently!

Awake. Awake. Awake.

Awake. Awake.

You are awake.

Prepare for testing,
Project Icarus.

Day 63.

Focus,
predict the correct image.

I'm not psychic.

This won't work.

Wrong.

Wrong.

Predict the number.

One.

Four.

Disarm the device.

This isn't how this works.

I'm not psychic.

Yes, you are.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

Look, saying it quick
doesn't make it true somehow...

Wait...
Who is that?

Is that not the recording?

How many of these
tests have we done?

So far...

197, sir.

Could you...

try harder?

"Try harder."

What's changed?

Why are you talking to me now?

I've been in here
for two months,

and surprise!

Nothing works.

Dead end.

They did this to me
when I was a child

for years,

and it went nowhere.

Look, cases come to me.

I don't find them.

That's what being
a holistic detective is.

I'm not designed
to solve your problems.

What have you done
to my friends?

We're gonna get 'em.

So you haven't got them?

D... No! I mean...

They ran away, man.
They-they-

they ran away,
and they left you,

and you're alone here.

No one's coming, so just...

try harder.

It's kind of peaceful here.

Especially when you've been
on the run for two months.

We used to play
towns like this on tour.

Honestly, it's a lot
safer out here

than in the cities.

I still don't see

why I can't tell
my parents I'm okay.

Their lines are
definitely bugged.

Blackwing would be listening.

It's too dangerous.

And meeting
with your brother isn't?

That was just a matter of time.

Using his log-ins
to access CIA networks?

He was bound to notice.

Todd, we don't...

I know those other leads
have all been dead ends,

but this next one is gonna be...

That's what
you've said every time.

This is the last time.

We find Blackwing, we find Dirk.

We find Dirk, we find Amanda,

and we get out of this mess.

Yeah, how do we do that exactly?

It'll be like a...
holistic thing.

Wherever this next lead
is taking us,

there'll be
some kind of connection.

Somewhere, right now,

Dirk is waiting for us
to find him,

and he'll know how to fix this.

Wrong.

Wrong.

This is your...

I am...

Wrong!

This concludes today's testing.

You have done a very bad job.

I'm never getting out of here.

What'd you see in your wacky
shit brain this time, boss?

I don't know...

I don't know,
they're always so muddled.

The visions keep
getting shorter,

and, like, more vague.

It's just...

It's like poetry.

You know, like...

symbolism and shit.

Do you see the guys in
the poetry this time, though?

Do you know where they are?

South.

We have to keep going south.

We're going to find them,
okay, Vogle?

We'll get back together, and...

we won't have to be on the run
anymore, I promise.

Hey!

Is someone there?
Who is that?

This is private property!

Come down from there,
or I'm calling the police.

You don't wanna
come over here, dude.

It's the Rowdy Three.

But there's only two of you.

Oh, shut up, Math!

Yeah!

This is where he said to meet.

Is that...
what is that?

Are you sure this isn't a trap?

You're sure we can trust him?

He's my brother.

So... that means...?

I don't know. Yes?

I hope so.

Don't let him get to you, okay?

We're too close now.

The famous Bergsberg boat.

The Infant Male Pollock Francis?

Yep.

You know they say this thing's
been here since the '50s?

Nobody's sure who left it here,

but no one's taken the time
to tow it away.

Is this a trap?

If it were a trap,

it'd be pretty
embarrassing for you

to have walked right into it.

Man, I never thought
you'd be the one

to end up on
the Most Wanted List, Farah.

The FBI, the CIA, the NSA,

hell, even my department
at Homeland Security

have you and the Brotzmans
on its radar.

Yeah, and I bet it only says
"person of interest," right?

Blackwing.

This is part of
the cover-up, Eddie.

Yeah, I read about that
in the email you sent.

Now, was this before or after

you saved Lydia Spring
from being turned into a dog...

Okay, she wasn't
turned into a dog,

her soul was put inside a dog,

and actually,
it was quite stressful for me,

so you don't need
to do all that.

Shit.

Shit... Farah!

Shit...

You hacked my account.

It was the only way
to find information on Dirk.

You think I give a damn about
this Dirk Gently person?

This has gone on long enough.

Come in.

I can protect you.

Take this.

Is it a tracking device?

It's a phone.

When you're ready to give up
this insanity, call me.

You've always had...
problems,

but now they've
gotten you in too deep.

Dad's dead.

He went back into
the hospital again

about a month ago, and...

he never came back out.

I would've contacted you,
but I didn't know how.

You were too good at hiding.

Look, I know you feel
you failed him with...

everything.

It's not too late
to leave Todd Brotzman.

Step out of the car, please.

You look cool.

O... kay.

But you can't park here.

State road.

If you park here,
I gotta tow you,

which is to say,

I am the tow truck driver
here in the county,

along with being the Sheriff.

Although I suppose
now that I've told you,

by the time I went
and got the dang tow truck,

came back here to tow you,

you'd already have moved it,
wouldn't you?

Shoot, I would.

Which would be an exercise
in pointlessness,

unless I then proceeded
to chase you down,

which would be
thrilling, maybe...

But let's be honest,

there ain't gonna be
any high-speed pursuit

of anything around here,

other than my high-speed pursuit
of a good conversation!

Hey, I get that from my brother,
he lives in Omaha.

The guy loves two things
in this world, knitting

and psychoanalysis,

amateur psychoanalysis,
obviously, but also...

Oh, god!

No... No, not now.

Oh!

Oh, Jeezie Pete, man!

What is happening to you,
and how can I help?

What can I do to help?

Uh, d-do you need...

Todd! You're okay!

Oh, hello...

You're just having an attack.

Ma'am, can I call, uh...

Would you like me to call
an ambulance for you?

No, everything is good
with us, okay?

Goodbye.

Are you... Okay, uh...

Ma'am?

Are you sure I can't call
an ambulance for you?

That one's on me!

I handled that badly!

Yeah...

that was extremely suspicious.

Scott!

Scotty!
Scotty, stop it!

Scotty, stop it!

Scott!

Where...

are my...

tickets, Mom?

I'm gonna get you
your tickets, Scott...

You said you'd get me
tickets to Sound of Nothing,

and then you went
and got groceries!

Well, we need groceries, hon'.

You need to eat healthier,
you can't just have fast food...

Don't tell me
what I need to eat!

Are you a nutritionist?

No...

Are you a nutritionist?

All right, that's it!

Mister!

You're grounded.

Your phone privileges

are revoked.

Hand it over.

I'm not afraid of
you anymore, Mom!

I'm gonna get that back,

and you are gonna get me
those tickets!

Yeah?

Well, we'll see
about that, Bucko!

Because I am the boss here,

and I make the rules,
and I decide what...

No, don't lock it.

Bob?

Quiet, I'm sleeping.

Bobby!

[ "Runaway" by Del Shannon p

* As I walk along

* I wonder

* What went wrong

* With our love

* A love that was so strong...

* And as I still walk on

* I think of

* The things we've done
together *

* While our hearts were young

* I'm a-walkin' in the rain

* Tears are fallin'
and I feel the pain *

* Wishin' you were here by me

* To end this misery

* And I wonder...

* I wah-wah-wah-wah-wonder...

* Why

* Why-why-why-why-why

* She ran away

* And I wonder
where she will stay *

* My little runaway

* My run-run-run-run runaway

Suzie!

What did I tell you about goofing
off on your phone at work?

It's my son's phone.

Don't tell me you're getting
your attitude back.

You know, that accident

was the best thing
that ever happened to you.

No, no, no, no,
don't get sensitive.

I need you focused.

We need to get all the paperwork

and safety
sign-offs done.

The clock's ticking.

We already got 3,000 pounds
of dynamite down there,

just gathering dust...

I'm on it.

I got it.

A-okay.

"A-okay."

That was too close.

If that cop calls in
a description,

we could be in serious trouble.

I don't think he will.

He seems...

insane.

I'm feeling better,
we should get going.

In broad daylight?

Todd, if this is a high-security

government facility...

You can handle it.

I am not an army, Todd.

I'm not... James Bond.

Aren't you, though?
Kinda?

Okay, you just had

a pararibulitus attack
in front of a police officer.

There's...

Things aren't going...

Great.

You're telling me that?

Are you okay?

I try not to focus too much

on the repercussions,
psychologically,

of the more... recent events

that are happening in my life,

because...

my chest gets tight,

and my hands
start to shake, and...

I think I want to scream,
and then I just want to scream,

and never stop screaming...

If there's one thing
Dirk taught me,

it's that it has to be
going somewhere.

It all has to be
going somewhere.

It got us this far, right?

"Got us this far?"

in relation to what?

We need to get to Dirk.

Blackwing has the answer.

Blackwing is the solution.

Does Blackwing suck?

Does it...

suck, sir?

This is Project Moloch?

This is
the most powerful subject

that Riggins ever brought in,

and he was just like, what,
in a, just...

...in a normal hospital?

He'd been transferred
several times

after Blackwing shut down.

He actually suffered a stroke
when we transported him...

Yeah, okay, whatever, but, like,

this guy is...

He's...

...not cool.

He's not.

He's just, like...

Stupid!

But...

what about Project Alpha?

Okay...

Hi.

You're not the usual scientist.

You're, uh, you're new.

Hey, hey, hey, listen,

look at me, look at me.

You have gotta get me
out of here, okay?

I've been in here for...

Look...

70 days.

Can you see? 70 days.
Look, look.

Every day they just keep
asking me the same question

about if I have some kind
of super power, but I don't!

I don't!

You've gotta let me talk
to who's in charge.

I'm in charge.

You are?

So...

how does your power work?

I don't have a power.

Okay?
I'm a tech guy.

Computers.

You survived seven days
with Project Marzanna.

Marzanna...

Bart?

She kills everybody
that she comes in contact with,

except you,

therefore you must have powers.

No, I've told you people,

Bart wasn't trying to kill me.

How does the dog work?

How does the dog...

"work"?

Really?

Look, man, enough!

All right, you've got
to start listening to me...

This is just, like...

such a bummer.

See, this program,

it used to collect people
with weird abilities,

and then it all,
like, fell apart,

but then I started it
back up again,

but we can't find
any of the cool people

that they used to have,

like, like the human bomb,

or the invisible guy,

or the shapeshifter...

Are you saying
there are other Barts?

Yeah, except that's the catch,

is they suck.

The vampire guys are crazy,

and we couldn't even find
Project Marzanna,

just gone!

And then Icarus...

I mean, Dirk Gently...

Is, like, lame and annoying,

and then there's this other guy
who's literally in a coma.

Look, man,

they're connected to the thing,

the fabric of reality.

You can't keep them locked up.

All right? These
kind of people

need to be out
in the world, and...

Please don't shock me...

please don't shock me.

So you're saying...

I need to expose them
to each other?

No.

No, that's not
what I'm saying at all.

But you said that maybe?

No, I definitely
didn't say that,

because you...

Sorry, that-that was
an accident.

Thank you.

No, wait, wait, wait,
please, no, no, no!

Wait, hey! Hey!

You've got to get me
out of here, please, okay?

I'm a normal person!

I'm a normal person!

Alert. Alert. Alert.

Alert. Alert.
Alert. Alert.

Come on, Dirk,
we have to go now.

You came...

You came to rescue me!

That's right,
we're badasses now.

We're big badasses,

and we came to rescue you, Dirk.

We used a magic rock

given to us by Thor to find you.

I knew I could rely on Thor!

Hurry up. We have to get
to the Lost City of Gold

to collect the Sacred Algae
before it's too late!

Yeah, Dirk, we need that algae!

Okay! Let's go!

Oh.

This is a dream, isn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah. It is.

Hands off, hands off.

I am not a shopping cart!

Oh...

What have they done to you?

Hello, Suzanne.

Do I know you?

No.

But it is lovely to meet

such a beautiful
ray of sunshine.

Um, I...

May I?

Oh, my gosh,
that's you, isn't it?

That was from when I won

the Ohio Junior
Membermazing Competition.

I memorized the whole
first act of Macbeth.

You were happy then.

Yes.

I think more people
respected me when I was nine

than they do now that I'm 40.

It's kinda, um...

Sad?

I was gonna
say "funny."

It's that too, I suppose.

Can I speak to your master?

My what?

The person in charge.

Oh.

Dan.

Yeah, Dan, he's, uh...

Uh...

Hey, Dan!
Can you come out here?

Aw, dang it.

Suzie, you brainless...

Oops.

Hello, Dan.

Look...

those guys you've got me
dealing with are criminals.

This is...

...too much.

I just wanted to make
a little bit of money, and...

and now that's over,

So...

get out,

or else.

Okay.

I understand.

Bye-bye.

Or else what?

What's stopping me from simply
taking one of your trucks?

I'll call the police.

The police,
and they'd bring an army?

An army?

The police are people
that would hurt me,

they'd cause a problem for me?

Suzie, if you'd be so kind.

Have you noticed

an acceleration of strangeness
in your life?

Mm-hm.

This is the only file
I could find on record

with any
connection to Blackwing,

but it had been years
since anyone had accessed it.

It doesn't look military.

This is the address.

Todd?

This is it.

This is gonna be it.

Look at those cameras.

They're rusted out.
No one's been here in years.

This isn't Blackwing.

So that means it's safe.

Todd...

stop.

You're gonna stress yourself out

and give yourself an attack!

I got it! Okay.

Let's go!

He's losing his mind...

We're close!

This is something!

Okay, here we go, here we go.

Todd, slow down.

Do you feel that?

Feel what?

Something weird.

Old spooky house
with the government fences

in the middle of nowhere?

Like...

this is some kind of...
thing, right?

Look at the locks
on these doors.

Todd?

Seriously?

Okay, it's wet!

It's wet!

This is a wet... thing.

This is a thing, right?

Why else would there be
water here?

What does any of this
have to do with Dirk

or Blackwing?

I don't know, but this is it,

this is special,
this is a thing,

and then a-another thing,

and, bam!

It all connects.

We're close, we are so close,

we are, like...

this close!

You're holding your fingers
pretty far apart.

You know, I actually had friends
out there for once?

This woman, Farah,

she was really incredible,

like a...
like a ninja-woman, and I...

Ooh... rough news,

I have replaced you
as my assistant.

The new guy, Todd...

is perfect.

Although, warning,

there's a chance the government
might have killed them both...

So, you've, like...

met this guy before?

When I was small.

Riggins used to
take me in to see him,

and a few of the others
he said weren't too dangerous.

I remember him well.

He always just laid there.

Never interrupted me.

He was the nicest person
I've ever met.

What have you done to him?

Why has he lost so much weight?

He had a stroke
when we moved him.

Am I supposed to, what,
magic him awake?

Touch my forehead
and do a constipated face,

and things get better?

Because you've run out of ideas,

and you know something bad
is going to happen soon?

Whatever you're doing,

it isn't going to work.

Fate and chance
are not mutually exclusive,

Mr. Friedkin,
and if you keep on this path,

you're going to get
a healthy dose of both.

It's probably already started,

and you haven't even noticed.

Just... get him out of there.

This isn't how it works.

I am not a machine!

You can't control it!

This isn't how it works!

Do you understand?
This isn't how it works!

Mm mm mm mm mm mm

Mm!

Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm...

Tina...

Tina Tevetino, get in here.

Where the heck have you been?

Okay... so...

Yes, okay, I'm high,

but I'm not drunk!

Okay, I am drunk,

but it was just white wine,

and I slept most of it off.

Okay,

I have been sleeping
in my car all day,

but guess what?

Nothing happened.

Nothing's gonna happen.

Nothing ever happens!

What's the face?

Oh, something happened.

There has to be a way up.

There has to be a way up there,

and then that'll be
a secret chamber, or something,

or a tunnel, maybe?

Or maybe it's invisible.

Maybe we're looking at it
right now.

Is that stupid?

No.

Y-yes.

No! No! Nothing is stupid!

Todd...

This place is abandoned,

and there's no way
into the house

other than breaking in.

Well, then let's break in.

No! No,

I have broken
enough laws tonight,

and I don't want to risk
setting off an alarm.

You don't want to risk it?

Look at where we are.

We're here.

This is something.

This is connected!

Todd, we barely
escaped Blackwing

in Seattle...

Look! A rabbit!

That can't be a coincidence.

It's a rabbit.

No, this rabbit is the answer.

Maybe.

Dirk, is that you?

Maybe he's in the rabbit,

or maybe he's some sort of
mechanical rabbit drone,

or some kind of...
space rabbit!

You're... you're
getting too worked up,

okay, Todd?

I think we should just
go back to the car, okay?

I know, I know,

you want this rabbit
to mean something...

Look, he's getting away!

Todd...

Hey! Buddy!

Ooh! Ooh! I got
him! I got him!

I got him!

No, I don't. No, I don't.

No, I don't.

Gotta get it together.

I'll just wash this off,
and it'll all be okay.

Just wash this off,
it'll be okay.

I got it.

No more blood.

Done, done, did it.

Did it...

Oh! Oh, no...

This is a misunderstanding,
this is a misunder...!

Put that garbage in the trunk.

I could've called the police,
but I didn't,

'cause that man,
he said you were coming,

and he said you would come,
and you'd get the body,

and it would all be fine,
and it would be right as rain,

and it would... ow!

Why did I protect him?

Maybe I did this

because I thought
it would be interesting...

Oh, god, am I a bad person?

Shut up.

Psst!

You're supposed to use
that thing, man.

Wait, what are you doing?
Did you change your mind?

Are you not going to kill me?

Are you... Did you
change your mind?

Excuse me, did you
change your mind? Excuse me...

Shut up.
Okay.

I can't read this shit.

He said I'd be able to read it.

It's in Chinese or something.

What do you need the book for?

I thought Mister Mage
told you what to say.

Borobotos!

Borobotos.

Shut up.

Borobotos!

Screw this, man,

I don't have time
for this Satanist shit!

If she's dead, she's dead,
who cares how I kill her?

No, no, no, no, no!

No, no, no!

Do you know Ken?

No.

I don't know Ken.

Who are you?

You know, um...

I'm not going to kill you,

even though it feels
like I should.

And I think that sometimes,
when you're killing people,

they don't like it.

And it makes them unhappy,
and... and scared,

and also dead,

which they don't like,
I don't think, so...

I'm not going to kill you
to make you a happier person.

Oh, god, thank you.

Thank you.

Are you happy now that
I'm not killing you?

Yes. Yes.

Well, then why
aren't you smiling?

W-What?

You should be doing a smile,
like...

Well, so,

do you wanna come with me
and be best friends?

No...?

No, I just want to go home.

Yeah, well, fine!

I already have a friend anyway!

Maybe I should just
kill you after all!

You hear that, universe?

I don't have to listen to you
if I don't wanna!

I am the boss of me, not you!

I could... I could go...

Borobotos!

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Todd!

Oh!

Great, you caught up.

Did you see where it went?

It was somewhere around here.

Todd, I have been
looking for you

for five hours.

Farah, don't be ridiculous.

It was...

Seven.

Oh! Maybe the tree?

Help me climb the tree!

Todd, stop.

Stop!

It's 5:00 a.m.,

and you want to climb a tree
looking for a rabbit.

I am not the most

emotionally, you know,
communicative person,

and I know you aren't either,

but given what
we've been through together,

we need to talk,

because this is too much now.

I have done the best
I can for you,

used every trick I know,

hacking government servers,
fake IDs, stealing cars,

but this
"everything is connected" stuff,

that's not real for you.

It's a delusion...

Hey, I'm in the same
position as you.

My life was ruined,

destroyed.

I was fired,
my apartment was wrecked,

I've been beaten and-
and electrocuted

multiple times.

I have a disease
that puts me in constant fear.

But I saw something real,

something beyond anything
I could have ever imagined,

I saw incredible things,

and I believe it, Farah, I do

This has to have a point...

Whatever Dirk showed you,

it isn't nice, Todd,

it isn't helpful.

It doesn't protect people.

If this thing is real,

it doesn't choose sides,

and you're not Dirk.

Even if this was
to somehow lead to Dirk,

he can't cure
your pararibulitus.

Cure my...

You think that's
what this is about?

No, I deserve my pararibulitus.

I deserve all of this,
and worse.

I want to find Dirk to help you.

I want to find Dirk to help him.

I need to find Dirk because...

Because it's the only way
back to Amanda.

She called me, Farah,

when whatever happened to her
happened,

she called me.

This has to be real.

It has to mean something.

It's our only option.

It's the only way back
to a normal life.

It's the only way for me
to make things right.

So, what,

we're just supposed
to keep wandering around,

waiting for
something weird to happen?

Well, maybe.

What are you doing here?

Find the boy.