Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (2016–2017): Season 1, Episode 7 - Weaponized Soul - full transcript
Flung backwards through time, Dirk and Todd make a horrifying discovery about the nature of their case, and find themselves with a unique opportunity: solve their case before it even starts.
Can't believe
that actually worked.
What happened?
Are we...
Wh-Where are we?
Are we still here?
For the moment, yes.
But at the moment? No.
We're in the past.
If I'm correct,
one week in the past.
The Unlimited Energy Device
is a time machine?
- Did you know that--
- Kind of a hunch, really.
But the good news is--
Never mind, there's
no good news. Hide.
All right, get the machine.
Plug it in.
Put the dog there.
We're switching her into the dog,
and the dog into her.
Tie her in.
That's Lydia!
Strap her in tight.
Get her tight--
Get her tight.
Oh, yeah. Careful...
Careful with that.
Good, good. Good.
Good...
Sorry about this, Rapunzel.
Good, okay, now,
take her helmet and back up.
Everybody, back up!
All right, ready?
Okay, here we go.
Three, two, one, go!
Stay..
Everybody, stay back.
Stay-- stay back.
Everybody, stay back. Okay.
Hey, girl.
Aw... there's my girl.
Aw... okay.
Okay, get the dog--
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
wait, wait, wait!
Wait, wait, wait
whoa, whoa!
Whoa, no, no!
Whoa, whoa!
Whoa, hang on...
So it's come to this, Pollux?
Sacrilege.
Treason.
Death.
No one has to
die here today, Rainey.
Do you know who this is?
Do you?
Come here.
Come here...
Lydia Spring.
Patrick Spring
has the other machine,
the unlimited energy device.
He's waiting for us
at the Perryman Grand right now.
Spring is no longer a threat.
We don't need his other machine.
You have been running
things for too long.
This is a new era.
You have lost the path.
It is time...
for a change--
Enough!
Get the dog.
If he resists, shoot it.
No! No--
I will smash this,
and I will end it,
and you will spend the rest
of your miserable life in that body.
Give me my dog.
Put... the machine... down.
Give me my dog!
You... can't beat me.
Let's go.
Now!
And I will be back
for my goddamn dog!
What was that?
Are you the body that houses
the soul of Jake Rainey?
What are you?
I'm looking for Jake Rainey.
Are you the body that houses
the soul of Jake Rainey?
Yes.
- We're not with them!
- We're on the same side!
Who are you?
Don't you see, Todd?
This has all already happened!
But there's still time to--
Easy--
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Who are you,
and what are you doing here?
Dirk, what's going on?
Who is this guy?
I solved the case,
and this is...
Patrick Spring.
Please don't kill us!
I can explain everything.
You go by Patrick Spring now,
but your real name
is Zackariah Webb,
and you made a terrible mistake.
In the 1880s,
you attempted to build
a time machine.
But there was a problem.
At first,
the device only half worked,
it only sent energy through time,
not matter.
It jumped the very souls
right out of the bodies.
This cost you the lives of
many of your beloved pets.
Eventually, you fixed it,
sort of.
You accidentally
sent the machine into the future,
and then, suddenly...
the machine came back,
not exactly the same
as the one you sent.
It had been altered.
Clearly, something had gone
very wrong.
Whatever had happened,
you had to undo it,
so, in your mind,
you only had one option...
Jump to the future.
The machine you used to travel forward
was there in your lab.
But there was no sign
of the original time machine
you accidentally
sent into the future
that started
this whole mess.
You had to find it.
In real time,
more than 80 years
have passed,
and it looks like someone else
is now occupying your mansion.
There are squatters
in the house you abandoned,
a group of hippies led by
a man named Jake Rainey,
and they had your original
time machine.
You say--
"Hey! Give me
that machine back!"
They say, "No,
"this magically appeared
from nowhere,
and is clearly meant for us,
you give us your machine."
"No, you don't even know
what it does!"
"We don't care,
we're super crazy!"
No, give me my machine
right now!"
There's too many of them.
You run,
and it's all very scary.
To fight him, though,
you need money, and resources.
Fortunately,
you're a brilliant inventor,
and you discover a way
to turn your time machine
into an unlimited energy device.
You move into the Ridgely,
take the name Edgar Spring,
and begin to build your empire.
You find the future fascinating.
The advances are irresistible.
Also, you can't leave until you
wrest your machine back from Rainey.
But Ah-hah!
Another wrinkle.
The bad guys had
figured out how to use
what was originally
a glitch in your time machine
to swap souls
into different bodies.
Rainey could literally become
a different person.
He used this ability
to stay young
and grow more powerful,
eventually confronting you.
Rainey said,
"Our group is growing,
"You can't hide it forever.
Just surrender the machine
you're using to make energy."
And then you said,
"I can't do that."
"This is gonna be a war.
Then everything from here on,
the blood is on your hands."
It already was.
You've spent decades
waging a war in secret...
...trying to get ahead of your enemy.
The hippies renamed themselves,
"The Men of the Machine, "
and Rainey made good
on his promise.
It was war.
They wanted your
Unlimited Energy Device,
and you needed to get back
the Time Machine
that was now a Soul Swapper.
But you couldn't get
the upper hand.
Things seemed hopeless.
Your life was dark,
and you were full of rage.
Could you keep living like this?
That's when something
you never expected happened.
You fell in love.
Are you okay?
Lydia was born.
You had a beautiful daughter.
You were happier than you
ever thought you could be.
But then...
terrible tragedy struck.
They killed your wife.
That was the last straw.
You had finally had enough.
You decided to skip
directly to the end.
You jumped to the future,
hopefully to catch your enemies
completely by surprise.
Which is what
led you here, today.
Is that basically
what happened?
How could you possibly
know all that?
- I got it all right?
- How?
Well, it seemed obvious to me--
I have magic powers.
So, wait,
why didn't you just--
Oh, whoa, whoa!
Wh-What's the use
in picking it all apart?
What's done is done,
and that's that,
so great job, I think!
I did the best I could.
Yes, definitely, 100%.
What's crazy about that?
Totally reasonable series
of logical decisions.
We are not the enemy.
We are here
trying to save your daughter.
My daughter?
What's happened to my daughter?
They're taking her
to the Perryman Grand Hotel
to meet you--
the older you--
but listen, there's more elements
at play here than you realize--
Don't get in my way.
Well, that guy certainly
puts the "mad" in mad scientist.
Jesus, he shot the tires out.
We've got to get out of here
before any more of them show up.
Do you know
how to work that thing?
Well, those guys
don't look too bright.
How hard can it be?
Oh, come on, all of them?
Do you think he realizes
this is the day he's murdered?
I mean the other him.
Goddamnit, my brain hurts.
Look, I'm still
figuring it all out myself,
but it's possible that
this is why he was murdered.
Todd, three questions,
one answer.
That's what it means.
We got three maps
that led to one solution.
Zackariah Webb, Edgar Spring,
and Patrick Spring.
Three men are actually
one man jumping through time.
The Unlimited Energy Device,
the Soul Exchanger,
and The Time Machine...
Three machines
are actually one machine,
existing simultaneously,
but out of
chronological sequence--
Wait, wait!
If this is the morning,
then Patrick Spring,
the present Patrick Spring,
isn't dead yet.
Farah's still being held
by those creepy guys, and...
Amanda...
Amanda!
Oh, my God, Dirk, we can fix it!
We can save Lydia Spring
and fix everything!
Well, yes, that was
my plan originally, but--
We've got to get
to the Perryman Grand!
No, wait, Todd--
You defied the Supreme Soul.
You stole the Soul Exchanger.
No. We did!
We stole the Soul Exchanger.
Aren't you tired of being
mindless drones?
Aren't you all tired
of being mindless drones?
Isn't that why you came to me
in the first place?
I tell you, I have plans.
Big plans.
Red here is gonna meet
a guy in the desert
who is going to help us
change everything!
You said that I could
have Rainey's body.
I want one of the good bodies,
like the original souls get.
I am sick and tired of Rainey
treating you like you're disposable,
putting you for years into dogs
and-and birds.
It does something to you,
mentally.
You deserve better than that.
Yes, I also
think that in my head.
I want to be a panther.
I want you to put me
in a panther.
I don't like to be
a human anymore.
You will be a panther.
You will be
a panther, Ed.
Do any of you think
that I want to be
Gordon Rimmer anymore?
No!
We're going to get
both machines.
We're going to get them both,
and all the power
that comes with it,
and then we'll be able to do
whatever the hell we want.
That is what we like
best about you, Gordon,
you always tell us
what we want to hear.
Okay.
Who has the kitten?
Rainey is a coward,
content with the status quo.
But not us.
Not you, not me.
I am the only one with the balls
to use the machine
to create things.
That little kitty cat
is what I call
a weaponized soul.
That's right.
Very dangerous.
You understand.
We only use the kitty cat
as a last resort.
You know what is gonna be
the sweetest thing in the whole deal?
Getting me
my goddamn dog back!
This zoo is huge.
Shit! There's cameras everywhere.
Stay down,
we can't get caught.
Yes, that would be bad.
Look at you,
running around with a crossbow.
You're like an action hero.
Oh, dammit!
Quick, hide!
We don't have time
to sneak through the whole zoo.
We can't just...
Do you realize what this is?
Do you realize
what that is?
It's fate!
It's destiny.
This gorilla mask,
it's just like the one
I saw on the tape.
It's a sign.
These are all signs--
Todd, I don't think
you're thinking this through.
I had a vision, Dirk.
I'm ahead of you for once.
I had a vision of myself
wearing these clothes.
My sister hates me,
I've got no job,
everything I own is destroyed,
but this could change everything.
Hey, is someone back there?
Hello?
Anyone back there?
No, Todd... Todd!
We're time-traveling detectives
on our way to stop a murder!
Get on the ground,
toss the keys away from you!
We're taking your truck!
So much makes sense now.
That's how they got
the shark in the kitten!
They must've soul-swapped it.
Right, perhaps.
How'd they get
a hammerhead shark, though?
They have money.
They steal the bodies
of rich people.
Do you remember
how obsessed
Gordon Rimmer was
with Lux DuJour?
It's because he was
Lux DuJour, right?
Doesn't that make sense?
And that's why
there's been such a tiny response
from the police so far.
They must have people
on the inside!
Right...
That's why everything's
blowing up right now.
I mean, that Gordon Rimmer guy,
like, rebelled,
and then at the same time,
Patrick Spring, like,
shows up from the past,
and, like, annihilates everybody.
It seems like a bunch
of unconnected, spontaneous,
and unlikely coincidences,
but it's not. Right?
Everything
is actually connected!
You're starting to sound
exactly like me.
Holy shit, Dirk,
I get it.
I get everything.
Listen, before we go
into the hotel,
now is the time for us
to take a moment, and think,
really think about
how we're going to do this.
We have a unique opportunity here,
and we need to be careful
how we use it.
It's 9:36.
I didn't get up to the penthouse
until after 10:00.
If we're gonna do this,
we have to go right now.
There's three elevators:
guest, service, and freight.
If we don't want to be seen,
we can go through the loading bay,
and take the service elevator.
If Gordon Rimmer and
his goons are in there,
we need a better plan than that.
You saw the aftermath
of what happened in the penthouse.
or what's going to happen,
or not--
What are you holding?
It's the lottery ticket.
I'm meant to have it.
Or... wait,
if the lottery ticket
is in this truck,
then how-how could--
Todd, never mind,
you were right.
There's no time for this!
Come on!
Whoa!
Shit!
Okay, staff elevator's out.
Uh... we can go in
through the service entrance
and take the freight.
It's slow, but if we hurry,
we can make it in time.
Can you get us
into the penthouse?
Well, no, but--
The master key!
It's in the office.
We can use it
on any room in the hotel.
Masks on.
Look.
Wait, if that's the key--
Stairs?
Stairs.
This isn't my daughter.
You catch on quick.
Where's the machine?
Meeting us
was only half the deal.
You get the machine,
the other machine,
your father's machine,
then you get the soul
that goes with the body.
Your friends
are already dead.
It's all... already over.
What the hell are you
talking about?
I've wasted the time.
Fifteen years
preparing for this moment,
and I still took you for granted.
No, no, no, no, no.
Put the--
put the phone down.
Yes! I was awake.
I've been awake.
Where are you?
It's time.
I'm on my way... is where I am,
and almost there already,
so everything's great.
I said put down
the goddamn phone!
It's too late.
And now...
it's over.
No, it's not--
No, you can still
have your daughter,
you just bring us
the other machine!
Nobody move!
Who the hell are you?
Wait a min...
Don't blame yourself.
It always ended like this.
Shut up!
You would make a deal
with these people?
They killed Catherine!
Jesus Christ!
When you find Lydia,
tell her I loved her.
Tell her I'm sorry.
It never ended any other way.
What?
...And good luck, Dirk.
I'm sorry I hit you.
Who the hell are those guys?
Oh, no...
No, don't!
Come on!
We've got to get out of here!
Hey, stop! Stop!
Oh, Mr. Palacios--
Todd, perfect,
I need you to get to 745--
Yes, I will, I just--
Welcome to the Perryman Grand,
allow us to help you with that.
Hey, stop!
I was wondering
if I could get my check
a little early this month?
What? Why?
Are you okay?
And do me a favor,
check out the penthouse.
They've had a "Do Not Disturb"
since 2:00 p.m. yesterday.
You still have your master key?
No, I... misplaced it.
Take mine.
745, and then the penthouse.
Oh, oh, Jesus Christ.
Come on, come on,
we gotta go.
We gotta go.
Go! Go! Go!
Holy shit.
What the hell just happened?
What did he mean,
"It always ended this way?"
- Dirk?
- Oh, right!
Listen very carefully--
What's happening?
It's a mess up there,
but we're gonna figure it out.
Who's that?
That's your best friend.
Hopefully, he'll forgive us for this.
Listen to me,
he's at the Ridgely Building--
The Ridgely.
What's that guy over there?
No time to explain.
Three questions, one answer,
you understand?
Do you?
Ah! There's no time!
Get the kitten!
We forgot it!
Go! Run!
Don't let them see your face!
Okay! I'm...
I'm going to do something!
Right now!
Come on, we've got
to get out of here! Run!
Calm down, calm down!
It was a loop.
It was a time loop!
You remembered that happening!
That's how you got
the gorilla mask!
It wasn't a coincidence.
That's how you knew
to get the kitten!
Well, no, I didn't
have any context,
I just thought that--
Well, I mean,
once we'd got here,
it was obvious.
Yeah, maybe to someone
reading it in a book,
not when you're living it!
We have to get out
of the hotel--
No! You knew
it was a time machine!
You lied to me.
You lied the whole time,
and now you've screwed
both of us!
No! No! Silence!
No, you shut up!
Don't you say a word,
I don't want to hear it!
Wait...
Holy shit, this is
when it happened.
That means that...
Come on!
What happened?
Where is the machine?
Something went...
really wrong.
Where are the others?
- Someone came in.
- Who?
Just someone! Okay?
Someone got in,
and now Patrick Spring is dead.
What do we do now?
We'll figure it out.
We'll go to the...
we'll go to the reliquary,
We'll find out
what Rainey knows.
We still accomplished something.
Maybe don't throw
all of it away,
we might need some guns...
actually, so...
Right. Sorry.
Okay.
- Who's that?
- That's your best friend.
Hopefully, he'll forgive us for this.
Listen to me,
he's at the Ridgely Building.
The Ridgely.
- Ah!
- Hi!
Whose cat is that?
It's the one
from the crime scene,
the one everyone's
been looking for.
I got you this new shirt
in the gift shop.
I've seen this shirt before.
Three questions, one answer.
Do you understand?
"Three questions,
one answer..."
But how could you
have possibly known that?
It's a map!
But you were there!
- Where?
- At the hotel!
It's a time loop!
You remembered that happening!
You were hit
pretty hard back there.
Are you feeling any better?
My name is...
Dirk Gently.
I'm a detective.
You hired--
Your future self, hired me--
to investigate this whole...
"you dying" incident.
Well, me and him,
we're future us.
We found your time machine,
about a week from now,
and used it to come back here.
Impossible.
When I took the machine
out of Springsborough,
I buried it--
We dug it up.
- Well, how could you--
- You told us how.
You left us a map.
Well, I suppose
you will leave us a map.
Actually, you did a rather
unnecessarily complicated bit
with a map, to a map, to a map,
in a maze that was a bit,
what's the word...
"killy"?
And you are...
Ah.
You are not paying attention.
You have stopped listening.
Right.
You know, we've put
our lives at risk for you,
against an army
of body-swapping psychos,
the least you could do is--
The Men of the Machine aren't
some all-powerful evil empire.
They're buffoons,
greedy imbeciles too stupid to--
Well, it seems
that hasn't stopped them
from hurting a lot of people
while you became a billionaire.
They were so obsessed with
the power they discovered,
they never took the time
to truly understand it.
Well, it seems their blindness
has led to their undoing.
Huh, bit of dramatic irony,
don't you think?
Because that's exactly
what... happened...
to...
you.
Right.
I should have seen that coming.
Hey.
It's not over.
We still have time
to save your daughter.
You're right,
and you two play a part.
When the machine came back,
it had a note on it,
with your name.
My...name?
Yes. Your name,
covered in blood.
Blood?
These tubes tell the machine
which date to travel to.
This tube is programmed to 1886,
the day I sent it forward
and started
this whole bloody mess.
You'll need this tube to send
the time machine you've got
to me in the past.
As far as I'm concerned,
to save Lydia,
all I need to do
is take one more jump.
You're not listening,
that isn't even possible--
The machine I used
is in the socket in my lab.
You use your machine
to go back where you started.
Wait, where's your time machine?
- Aw... nuts.
- We forgot it.
You what?
We forgot the time machine
at the zoo,
at their temple...
thing.
How could you be so stupid?
Hey! Man!
You just killed yourself!
After everything you've done,
you don't get to tell us
how stupid we are.
I'm over it!
I'm over this!
How do you not understand?
You don't win!
This is how it ended.
You don't use
the time machine again
for anything
except to go back home.
"How could you know that?"
'Cause it's obvious!
We just watched an older version
of you die in that hotel room!
You have no idea--
Do I understand exactly
what happened? Hell no.
But I still think I understand
what really matters.
I was waiting
for some big complex pay-off
where you explain everything,
but now I get that you're just
as blind and crazy as everyone else.
You're so obsessed
with one mistake
that you made
a long time ago,
that you can't see all the people
you've hurt along the way.
You can't...
fix everything.
Some choices
you just have to accept,
and try and rebuild
as best you can.
So...
accept it.
I'm sorry.
You're right.
All my inventions,
all this death,
it's all for nothing.
Lydia is the only thing
I have left in this world,
and my foolish, selfish,
short-sighted choices
have left her alone.
I was responsible for her,
and my mistakes,
they've ruined everything.
I'm heading back to 2001.
My daughter needs me.
Certain things can't be changed.
It's you.
It was you all along.
It will always be you.
Please save her.
I will.
Never enough time.
Never enough time
to figure it all out.
Maybe make the maps
less complicated, or...
murdery, or--
He's going to do
whatever he did before.
Right.
It's actually really tragic
when you think about it.
He leaves us here,
returns to the past,
and spends 15 years
preparing for this moment.
By all accounts,
Spring was a distant
father to Lydia,
and even more reclusive.
I suppose seeing yourself die
might do that to you.
So he never won,
never woke up from this dream.
He just ended up trapped
and alone forever.
I'm trying to figure out
what to do next, though.
Do we try
to contact ourselves?
I suppose we can't,
because we didn't, right?
Like...
if we don't remember it,
then it didn't happen,
so it's possible,
or probable, that we...
that we--
If we were to--
The master key was missing
the day of the murder.
I remember now.
It's because
I stole my own key.
And the lottery ticket
that I lost,
I'm the one
who found it in the truck
in the first place.
Everything happened exactly
the way that it did before.
You're a monster.
A monster?
Come on, Todd,
you're overreacting--
You knew what was happening
before you even met me.
When Dorian died.
When they tried to kill me
on the bridge.
When Farah was still
being held in that room.
When that FBI guy
threatened Amanda--
You saw what I said to me,
that wasn't enough to--
No, no, no, when we were almost
crushed to death, and electrocuted,
and burned to death, and shot,
you knew that we'd end up here--
I didn't
know that, exactly.
I didn't have any context--
Oh, and when were you
gonna share that with me, huh?
I just sort of thought
that you left things out
because you were eccentric,
or crazy, or stupid.
But you didn't.
You deliberately
hid things from me.
- You lied to me!
- I didn't lie.
I-I just... didn't tell you
the whole truth
because I didn't
understand it, and--
You're a liar,
and you ruined my life,
just to have a friend.
You deserve to be alone, Dirk.
I didn't lie.
I'd think you of all people know
what a lie looks like by now.
No, wait, that wasn't what I meant,
I'm sorry, I just--
That wasn't what I meant.
After all this is over,
don't ever
speak to me again, Dirk.
Shit.
I hear someone coming.
Get the machine,
we've gotta get out of here.
Hurry up!
Come on! They're coming.
Shit, they're coming!
We have to go. Now!
They obviously
don't catch us, Todd,
or they'd remember us
in the future from the past,
which is currently
the present, so... Right?
What do we do?
What are you doing?
- It worked last time.
- No, it didn't!
Well, we're not dead!
I'll take us
back to the Wild West,
we can stop all of this
before it even began.
Dirk, haven't you been
listening to anything?
- That won't work!
- Get off!
No, we are going back to the future
to save Lydia Spring!
The note with my name
had my blood on it, Todd,
my blood!
I cannot just--
We're not going back
to the Wild West!
- Everything is connected!
- I hate you!
What?
Shit!
Dammit...
No catch.
What's next?
Break the actuator.
Trunk opens.
Maybe.
Wait...
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no!
Fred, get the hell out there,
see what that is!
Run!
Kill them.
Where are you going?
I'm going to check on Rapunzel!
- What's the plan?
- Come on, grab hold!
No, wait...
I can--
Like getting born again.
Getting born...
through this!
Rapunzel?
How did you--
Hey.
Oh, no.
Gordon Rimmer?
'Sup?
Put that dog...
back in that dog!
And that girl...
Back! In that! Girl!
Stop! Stop! Stop--
When are we?
Back where we came from.
Oh, shit.
Oh...
Dirk!
that actually worked.
What happened?
Are we...
Wh-Where are we?
Are we still here?
For the moment, yes.
But at the moment? No.
We're in the past.
If I'm correct,
one week in the past.
The Unlimited Energy Device
is a time machine?
- Did you know that--
- Kind of a hunch, really.
But the good news is--
Never mind, there's
no good news. Hide.
All right, get the machine.
Plug it in.
Put the dog there.
We're switching her into the dog,
and the dog into her.
Tie her in.
That's Lydia!
Strap her in tight.
Get her tight--
Get her tight.
Oh, yeah. Careful...
Careful with that.
Good, good. Good.
Good...
Sorry about this, Rapunzel.
Good, okay, now,
take her helmet and back up.
Everybody, back up!
All right, ready?
Okay, here we go.
Three, two, one, go!
Stay..
Everybody, stay back.
Stay-- stay back.
Everybody, stay back. Okay.
Hey, girl.
Aw... there's my girl.
Aw... okay.
Okay, get the dog--
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
wait, wait, wait!
Wait, wait, wait
whoa, whoa!
Whoa, no, no!
Whoa, whoa!
Whoa, hang on...
So it's come to this, Pollux?
Sacrilege.
Treason.
Death.
No one has to
die here today, Rainey.
Do you know who this is?
Do you?
Come here.
Come here...
Lydia Spring.
Patrick Spring
has the other machine,
the unlimited energy device.
He's waiting for us
at the Perryman Grand right now.
Spring is no longer a threat.
We don't need his other machine.
You have been running
things for too long.
This is a new era.
You have lost the path.
It is time...
for a change--
Enough!
Get the dog.
If he resists, shoot it.
No! No--
I will smash this,
and I will end it,
and you will spend the rest
of your miserable life in that body.
Give me my dog.
Put... the machine... down.
Give me my dog!
You... can't beat me.
Let's go.
Now!
And I will be back
for my goddamn dog!
What was that?
Are you the body that houses
the soul of Jake Rainey?
What are you?
I'm looking for Jake Rainey.
Are you the body that houses
the soul of Jake Rainey?
Yes.
- We're not with them!
- We're on the same side!
Who are you?
Don't you see, Todd?
This has all already happened!
But there's still time to--
Easy--
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Who are you,
and what are you doing here?
Dirk, what's going on?
Who is this guy?
I solved the case,
and this is...
Patrick Spring.
Please don't kill us!
I can explain everything.
You go by Patrick Spring now,
but your real name
is Zackariah Webb,
and you made a terrible mistake.
In the 1880s,
you attempted to build
a time machine.
But there was a problem.
At first,
the device only half worked,
it only sent energy through time,
not matter.
It jumped the very souls
right out of the bodies.
This cost you the lives of
many of your beloved pets.
Eventually, you fixed it,
sort of.
You accidentally
sent the machine into the future,
and then, suddenly...
the machine came back,
not exactly the same
as the one you sent.
It had been altered.
Clearly, something had gone
very wrong.
Whatever had happened,
you had to undo it,
so, in your mind,
you only had one option...
Jump to the future.
The machine you used to travel forward
was there in your lab.
But there was no sign
of the original time machine
you accidentally
sent into the future
that started
this whole mess.
You had to find it.
In real time,
more than 80 years
have passed,
and it looks like someone else
is now occupying your mansion.
There are squatters
in the house you abandoned,
a group of hippies led by
a man named Jake Rainey,
and they had your original
time machine.
You say--
"Hey! Give me
that machine back!"
They say, "No,
"this magically appeared
from nowhere,
and is clearly meant for us,
you give us your machine."
"No, you don't even know
what it does!"
"We don't care,
we're super crazy!"
No, give me my machine
right now!"
There's too many of them.
You run,
and it's all very scary.
To fight him, though,
you need money, and resources.
Fortunately,
you're a brilliant inventor,
and you discover a way
to turn your time machine
into an unlimited energy device.
You move into the Ridgely,
take the name Edgar Spring,
and begin to build your empire.
You find the future fascinating.
The advances are irresistible.
Also, you can't leave until you
wrest your machine back from Rainey.
But Ah-hah!
Another wrinkle.
The bad guys had
figured out how to use
what was originally
a glitch in your time machine
to swap souls
into different bodies.
Rainey could literally become
a different person.
He used this ability
to stay young
and grow more powerful,
eventually confronting you.
Rainey said,
"Our group is growing,
"You can't hide it forever.
Just surrender the machine
you're using to make energy."
And then you said,
"I can't do that."
"This is gonna be a war.
Then everything from here on,
the blood is on your hands."
It already was.
You've spent decades
waging a war in secret...
...trying to get ahead of your enemy.
The hippies renamed themselves,
"The Men of the Machine, "
and Rainey made good
on his promise.
It was war.
They wanted your
Unlimited Energy Device,
and you needed to get back
the Time Machine
that was now a Soul Swapper.
But you couldn't get
the upper hand.
Things seemed hopeless.
Your life was dark,
and you were full of rage.
Could you keep living like this?
That's when something
you never expected happened.
You fell in love.
Are you okay?
Lydia was born.
You had a beautiful daughter.
You were happier than you
ever thought you could be.
But then...
terrible tragedy struck.
They killed your wife.
That was the last straw.
You had finally had enough.
You decided to skip
directly to the end.
You jumped to the future,
hopefully to catch your enemies
completely by surprise.
Which is what
led you here, today.
Is that basically
what happened?
How could you possibly
know all that?
- I got it all right?
- How?
Well, it seemed obvious to me--
I have magic powers.
So, wait,
why didn't you just--
Oh, whoa, whoa!
Wh-What's the use
in picking it all apart?
What's done is done,
and that's that,
so great job, I think!
I did the best I could.
Yes, definitely, 100%.
What's crazy about that?
Totally reasonable series
of logical decisions.
We are not the enemy.
We are here
trying to save your daughter.
My daughter?
What's happened to my daughter?
They're taking her
to the Perryman Grand Hotel
to meet you--
the older you--
but listen, there's more elements
at play here than you realize--
Don't get in my way.
Well, that guy certainly
puts the "mad" in mad scientist.
Jesus, he shot the tires out.
We've got to get out of here
before any more of them show up.
Do you know
how to work that thing?
Well, those guys
don't look too bright.
How hard can it be?
Oh, come on, all of them?
Do you think he realizes
this is the day he's murdered?
I mean the other him.
Goddamnit, my brain hurts.
Look, I'm still
figuring it all out myself,
but it's possible that
this is why he was murdered.
Todd, three questions,
one answer.
That's what it means.
We got three maps
that led to one solution.
Zackariah Webb, Edgar Spring,
and Patrick Spring.
Three men are actually
one man jumping through time.
The Unlimited Energy Device,
the Soul Exchanger,
and The Time Machine...
Three machines
are actually one machine,
existing simultaneously,
but out of
chronological sequence--
Wait, wait!
If this is the morning,
then Patrick Spring,
the present Patrick Spring,
isn't dead yet.
Farah's still being held
by those creepy guys, and...
Amanda...
Amanda!
Oh, my God, Dirk, we can fix it!
We can save Lydia Spring
and fix everything!
Well, yes, that was
my plan originally, but--
We've got to get
to the Perryman Grand!
No, wait, Todd--
You defied the Supreme Soul.
You stole the Soul Exchanger.
No. We did!
We stole the Soul Exchanger.
Aren't you tired of being
mindless drones?
Aren't you all tired
of being mindless drones?
Isn't that why you came to me
in the first place?
I tell you, I have plans.
Big plans.
Red here is gonna meet
a guy in the desert
who is going to help us
change everything!
You said that I could
have Rainey's body.
I want one of the good bodies,
like the original souls get.
I am sick and tired of Rainey
treating you like you're disposable,
putting you for years into dogs
and-and birds.
It does something to you,
mentally.
You deserve better than that.
Yes, I also
think that in my head.
I want to be a panther.
I want you to put me
in a panther.
I don't like to be
a human anymore.
You will be a panther.
You will be
a panther, Ed.
Do any of you think
that I want to be
Gordon Rimmer anymore?
No!
We're going to get
both machines.
We're going to get them both,
and all the power
that comes with it,
and then we'll be able to do
whatever the hell we want.
That is what we like
best about you, Gordon,
you always tell us
what we want to hear.
Okay.
Who has the kitten?
Rainey is a coward,
content with the status quo.
But not us.
Not you, not me.
I am the only one with the balls
to use the machine
to create things.
That little kitty cat
is what I call
a weaponized soul.
That's right.
Very dangerous.
You understand.
We only use the kitty cat
as a last resort.
You know what is gonna be
the sweetest thing in the whole deal?
Getting me
my goddamn dog back!
This zoo is huge.
Shit! There's cameras everywhere.
Stay down,
we can't get caught.
Yes, that would be bad.
Look at you,
running around with a crossbow.
You're like an action hero.
Oh, dammit!
Quick, hide!
We don't have time
to sneak through the whole zoo.
We can't just...
Do you realize what this is?
Do you realize
what that is?
It's fate!
It's destiny.
This gorilla mask,
it's just like the one
I saw on the tape.
It's a sign.
These are all signs--
Todd, I don't think
you're thinking this through.
I had a vision, Dirk.
I'm ahead of you for once.
I had a vision of myself
wearing these clothes.
My sister hates me,
I've got no job,
everything I own is destroyed,
but this could change everything.
Hey, is someone back there?
Hello?
Anyone back there?
No, Todd... Todd!
We're time-traveling detectives
on our way to stop a murder!
Get on the ground,
toss the keys away from you!
We're taking your truck!
So much makes sense now.
That's how they got
the shark in the kitten!
They must've soul-swapped it.
Right, perhaps.
How'd they get
a hammerhead shark, though?
They have money.
They steal the bodies
of rich people.
Do you remember
how obsessed
Gordon Rimmer was
with Lux DuJour?
It's because he was
Lux DuJour, right?
Doesn't that make sense?
And that's why
there's been such a tiny response
from the police so far.
They must have people
on the inside!
Right...
That's why everything's
blowing up right now.
I mean, that Gordon Rimmer guy,
like, rebelled,
and then at the same time,
Patrick Spring, like,
shows up from the past,
and, like, annihilates everybody.
It seems like a bunch
of unconnected, spontaneous,
and unlikely coincidences,
but it's not. Right?
Everything
is actually connected!
You're starting to sound
exactly like me.
Holy shit, Dirk,
I get it.
I get everything.
Listen, before we go
into the hotel,
now is the time for us
to take a moment, and think,
really think about
how we're going to do this.
We have a unique opportunity here,
and we need to be careful
how we use it.
It's 9:36.
I didn't get up to the penthouse
until after 10:00.
If we're gonna do this,
we have to go right now.
There's three elevators:
guest, service, and freight.
If we don't want to be seen,
we can go through the loading bay,
and take the service elevator.
If Gordon Rimmer and
his goons are in there,
we need a better plan than that.
You saw the aftermath
of what happened in the penthouse.
or what's going to happen,
or not--
What are you holding?
It's the lottery ticket.
I'm meant to have it.
Or... wait,
if the lottery ticket
is in this truck,
then how-how could--
Todd, never mind,
you were right.
There's no time for this!
Come on!
Whoa!
Shit!
Okay, staff elevator's out.
Uh... we can go in
through the service entrance
and take the freight.
It's slow, but if we hurry,
we can make it in time.
Can you get us
into the penthouse?
Well, no, but--
The master key!
It's in the office.
We can use it
on any room in the hotel.
Masks on.
Look.
Wait, if that's the key--
Stairs?
Stairs.
This isn't my daughter.
You catch on quick.
Where's the machine?
Meeting us
was only half the deal.
You get the machine,
the other machine,
your father's machine,
then you get the soul
that goes with the body.
Your friends
are already dead.
It's all... already over.
What the hell are you
talking about?
I've wasted the time.
Fifteen years
preparing for this moment,
and I still took you for granted.
No, no, no, no, no.
Put the--
put the phone down.
Yes! I was awake.
I've been awake.
Where are you?
It's time.
I'm on my way... is where I am,
and almost there already,
so everything's great.
I said put down
the goddamn phone!
It's too late.
And now...
it's over.
No, it's not--
No, you can still
have your daughter,
you just bring us
the other machine!
Nobody move!
Who the hell are you?
Wait a min...
Don't blame yourself.
It always ended like this.
Shut up!
You would make a deal
with these people?
They killed Catherine!
Jesus Christ!
When you find Lydia,
tell her I loved her.
Tell her I'm sorry.
It never ended any other way.
What?
...And good luck, Dirk.
I'm sorry I hit you.
Who the hell are those guys?
Oh, no...
No, don't!
Come on!
We've got to get out of here!
Hey, stop! Stop!
Oh, Mr. Palacios--
Todd, perfect,
I need you to get to 745--
Yes, I will, I just--
Welcome to the Perryman Grand,
allow us to help you with that.
Hey, stop!
I was wondering
if I could get my check
a little early this month?
What? Why?
Are you okay?
And do me a favor,
check out the penthouse.
They've had a "Do Not Disturb"
since 2:00 p.m. yesterday.
You still have your master key?
No, I... misplaced it.
Take mine.
745, and then the penthouse.
Oh, oh, Jesus Christ.
Come on, come on,
we gotta go.
We gotta go.
Go! Go! Go!
Holy shit.
What the hell just happened?
What did he mean,
"It always ended this way?"
- Dirk?
- Oh, right!
Listen very carefully--
What's happening?
It's a mess up there,
but we're gonna figure it out.
Who's that?
That's your best friend.
Hopefully, he'll forgive us for this.
Listen to me,
he's at the Ridgely Building--
The Ridgely.
What's that guy over there?
No time to explain.
Three questions, one answer,
you understand?
Do you?
Ah! There's no time!
Get the kitten!
We forgot it!
Go! Run!
Don't let them see your face!
Okay! I'm...
I'm going to do something!
Right now!
Come on, we've got
to get out of here! Run!
Calm down, calm down!
It was a loop.
It was a time loop!
You remembered that happening!
That's how you got
the gorilla mask!
It wasn't a coincidence.
That's how you knew
to get the kitten!
Well, no, I didn't
have any context,
I just thought that--
Well, I mean,
once we'd got here,
it was obvious.
Yeah, maybe to someone
reading it in a book,
not when you're living it!
We have to get out
of the hotel--
No! You knew
it was a time machine!
You lied to me.
You lied the whole time,
and now you've screwed
both of us!
No! No! Silence!
No, you shut up!
Don't you say a word,
I don't want to hear it!
Wait...
Holy shit, this is
when it happened.
That means that...
Come on!
What happened?
Where is the machine?
Something went...
really wrong.
Where are the others?
- Someone came in.
- Who?
Just someone! Okay?
Someone got in,
and now Patrick Spring is dead.
What do we do now?
We'll figure it out.
We'll go to the...
we'll go to the reliquary,
We'll find out
what Rainey knows.
We still accomplished something.
Maybe don't throw
all of it away,
we might need some guns...
actually, so...
Right. Sorry.
Okay.
- Who's that?
- That's your best friend.
Hopefully, he'll forgive us for this.
Listen to me,
he's at the Ridgely Building.
The Ridgely.
- Ah!
- Hi!
Whose cat is that?
It's the one
from the crime scene,
the one everyone's
been looking for.
I got you this new shirt
in the gift shop.
I've seen this shirt before.
Three questions, one answer.
Do you understand?
"Three questions,
one answer..."
But how could you
have possibly known that?
It's a map!
But you were there!
- Where?
- At the hotel!
It's a time loop!
You remembered that happening!
You were hit
pretty hard back there.
Are you feeling any better?
My name is...
Dirk Gently.
I'm a detective.
You hired--
Your future self, hired me--
to investigate this whole...
"you dying" incident.
Well, me and him,
we're future us.
We found your time machine,
about a week from now,
and used it to come back here.
Impossible.
When I took the machine
out of Springsborough,
I buried it--
We dug it up.
- Well, how could you--
- You told us how.
You left us a map.
Well, I suppose
you will leave us a map.
Actually, you did a rather
unnecessarily complicated bit
with a map, to a map, to a map,
in a maze that was a bit,
what's the word...
"killy"?
And you are...
Ah.
You are not paying attention.
You have stopped listening.
Right.
You know, we've put
our lives at risk for you,
against an army
of body-swapping psychos,
the least you could do is--
The Men of the Machine aren't
some all-powerful evil empire.
They're buffoons,
greedy imbeciles too stupid to--
Well, it seems
that hasn't stopped them
from hurting a lot of people
while you became a billionaire.
They were so obsessed with
the power they discovered,
they never took the time
to truly understand it.
Well, it seems their blindness
has led to their undoing.
Huh, bit of dramatic irony,
don't you think?
Because that's exactly
what... happened...
to...
you.
Right.
I should have seen that coming.
Hey.
It's not over.
We still have time
to save your daughter.
You're right,
and you two play a part.
When the machine came back,
it had a note on it,
with your name.
My...name?
Yes. Your name,
covered in blood.
Blood?
These tubes tell the machine
which date to travel to.
This tube is programmed to 1886,
the day I sent it forward
and started
this whole bloody mess.
You'll need this tube to send
the time machine you've got
to me in the past.
As far as I'm concerned,
to save Lydia,
all I need to do
is take one more jump.
You're not listening,
that isn't even possible--
The machine I used
is in the socket in my lab.
You use your machine
to go back where you started.
Wait, where's your time machine?
- Aw... nuts.
- We forgot it.
You what?
We forgot the time machine
at the zoo,
at their temple...
thing.
How could you be so stupid?
Hey! Man!
You just killed yourself!
After everything you've done,
you don't get to tell us
how stupid we are.
I'm over it!
I'm over this!
How do you not understand?
You don't win!
This is how it ended.
You don't use
the time machine again
for anything
except to go back home.
"How could you know that?"
'Cause it's obvious!
We just watched an older version
of you die in that hotel room!
You have no idea--
Do I understand exactly
what happened? Hell no.
But I still think I understand
what really matters.
I was waiting
for some big complex pay-off
where you explain everything,
but now I get that you're just
as blind and crazy as everyone else.
You're so obsessed
with one mistake
that you made
a long time ago,
that you can't see all the people
you've hurt along the way.
You can't...
fix everything.
Some choices
you just have to accept,
and try and rebuild
as best you can.
So...
accept it.
I'm sorry.
You're right.
All my inventions,
all this death,
it's all for nothing.
Lydia is the only thing
I have left in this world,
and my foolish, selfish,
short-sighted choices
have left her alone.
I was responsible for her,
and my mistakes,
they've ruined everything.
I'm heading back to 2001.
My daughter needs me.
Certain things can't be changed.
It's you.
It was you all along.
It will always be you.
Please save her.
I will.
Never enough time.
Never enough time
to figure it all out.
Maybe make the maps
less complicated, or...
murdery, or--
He's going to do
whatever he did before.
Right.
It's actually really tragic
when you think about it.
He leaves us here,
returns to the past,
and spends 15 years
preparing for this moment.
By all accounts,
Spring was a distant
father to Lydia,
and even more reclusive.
I suppose seeing yourself die
might do that to you.
So he never won,
never woke up from this dream.
He just ended up trapped
and alone forever.
I'm trying to figure out
what to do next, though.
Do we try
to contact ourselves?
I suppose we can't,
because we didn't, right?
Like...
if we don't remember it,
then it didn't happen,
so it's possible,
or probable, that we...
that we--
If we were to--
The master key was missing
the day of the murder.
I remember now.
It's because
I stole my own key.
And the lottery ticket
that I lost,
I'm the one
who found it in the truck
in the first place.
Everything happened exactly
the way that it did before.
You're a monster.
A monster?
Come on, Todd,
you're overreacting--
You knew what was happening
before you even met me.
When Dorian died.
When they tried to kill me
on the bridge.
When Farah was still
being held in that room.
When that FBI guy
threatened Amanda--
You saw what I said to me,
that wasn't enough to--
No, no, no, when we were almost
crushed to death, and electrocuted,
and burned to death, and shot,
you knew that we'd end up here--
I didn't
know that, exactly.
I didn't have any context--
Oh, and when were you
gonna share that with me, huh?
I just sort of thought
that you left things out
because you were eccentric,
or crazy, or stupid.
But you didn't.
You deliberately
hid things from me.
- You lied to me!
- I didn't lie.
I-I just... didn't tell you
the whole truth
because I didn't
understand it, and--
You're a liar,
and you ruined my life,
just to have a friend.
You deserve to be alone, Dirk.
I didn't lie.
I'd think you of all people know
what a lie looks like by now.
No, wait, that wasn't what I meant,
I'm sorry, I just--
That wasn't what I meant.
After all this is over,
don't ever
speak to me again, Dirk.
Shit.
I hear someone coming.
Get the machine,
we've gotta get out of here.
Hurry up!
Come on! They're coming.
Shit, they're coming!
We have to go. Now!
They obviously
don't catch us, Todd,
or they'd remember us
in the future from the past,
which is currently
the present, so... Right?
What do we do?
What are you doing?
- It worked last time.
- No, it didn't!
Well, we're not dead!
I'll take us
back to the Wild West,
we can stop all of this
before it even began.
Dirk, haven't you been
listening to anything?
- That won't work!
- Get off!
No, we are going back to the future
to save Lydia Spring!
The note with my name
had my blood on it, Todd,
my blood!
I cannot just--
We're not going back
to the Wild West!
- Everything is connected!
- I hate you!
What?
Shit!
Dammit...
No catch.
What's next?
Break the actuator.
Trunk opens.
Maybe.
Wait...
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no!
Fred, get the hell out there,
see what that is!
Run!
Kill them.
Where are you going?
I'm going to check on Rapunzel!
- What's the plan?
- Come on, grab hold!
No, wait...
I can--
Like getting born again.
Getting born...
through this!
Rapunzel?
How did you--
Hey.
Oh, no.
Gordon Rimmer?
'Sup?
Put that dog...
back in that dog!
And that girl...
Back! In that! Girl!
Stop! Stop! Stop--
When are we?
Back where we came from.
Oh, shit.
Oh...
Dirk!