Dinosaurs (1991–1994): Season 1, Episode 1 - The Mighty Megalosaurus - full transcript

Honey, I'm home.

A meteor three times
the size of Earth

is heading towards us
in a collision course

that will result
in the extinction

of all life on this planet.

This just in...
"No, it's not."

Oh, good.

[growling]

Ah, wrestling.

[chuckling]

[announcer over TV]
An awesome display of power.



Don't you touch
that remote control.

Don't you pick that up.

You turn off that television,

you're gonna be
one sorry little dinosaur.

[click]

I'm sorry!

- Give me that back.
- Story.

- No story.
- Story.

- No story.
- Story!

No story! Give me that back!

Once upon a time,
dinosaurs didn't have families.

They lived in the woods
and ate their children.

- It was a golden age.
- [laughing]

- Then what?
- Then one day, not long ago,



daddy dinosaurs and mommy dinosaurs
started getting married

and living in houses
and raising children.

And lived
happily ever after.

- Well, that was the idea.
- What happened?

Some dinosaurs wondered if
they were doing the right thing.

I wanna be in the story.

You are, but it starts
just before you were born.

Your mother was cooking dinner,
as usual,

and dinner was trying to escape,
as usual.

[male speaking on TV]

[grunting]

Why don't you show us
what's coming up next.

[female on TV] Housewives,
tired of chasing dinner

all over the house?

You'll want this beautiful
32-piece cookware set

featuring the new creature screen.

Hey, lady, you might
want to see this.

[male on TV] Arlene,
we've got 700,000 left.

- At the rate they're going...
- [both] Hmm.

- Huh?
- Fran, I'm home. I'm hungry.

Oh! I'm stuck
in the door again.

Earl, they are selling
the most wonderful thing here on TV.

Why is there
not dinner on the table?

- Yikes!
- Hey!

Whoa!

Was that dinner?
Did dinner just run out through my legs?

They've got pots and pans
with creature screens.

If you love me,
you'll get me them.

- Do you love me?
- [groaning]

I just got home.

There's nothing in here.
No dinner, no vegetables.

Dinner ate the vegetables.

And then just left like that,
without coffee?

Well, he's never coming back.

Hi, Daddy.
How was your day?

Not a dime, Charlene.

Daddy, can't I say hello

without you thinking
that I want something?

A sweater.
I just want a sweater.

I just want dinner.
It don't look good for either of us.

You can have a frozen dinner.

We've gota
frozen dinner right here.

[Earl] Hey, frozen dinner.
Oh, that's great!

I come home to a frozen dinner
on today of all days.

- Obviously, you forget what today is.
- It's paycheck day.

Paycheck day,
the day I get my check,

and it says
how much I make.

I'm sorry, Daddy.

I'll set the table.

And, uh, your apology
would go... how?

Pots and pans to cook
your dinner with.

Dinner for you.

Gee, I don't know where
my apology should begin.

Come on, honey,
you know I'd buy you the moon.

I just want the pots.

- No. Uh-uh.
- Why not?

For once, there is something I want.

It's unbelievable that
I should want to spend my money

on something for me, something
I no longer feel I can be without.

- What's that?
- A 90-inch television set.

Earl Snead Sinclair!

Oh, God.
My whole name.

I am your wife.

And I'm the mighty
megalosaurus!

The king of the dinosaurs!

The thunder lizard!

If the thunder lizard
wants a 90-inch television set,

he's gonna get
a 90-inch television set!

So, what do you
have to say about that?

The tyrannosaurus rex
is king of the dinosaurs.

That's debatable.

No, it's not.
I dated one in high school.

Ooh.

[door opening]

This whole going to school
concept doesn't work.

Here's my report card.
See you around the swamp.

Ow! I knew it.

Says here you
don't apply yourself.

- Says you've got potential.
- That's a cheap motivational ploy.

What, you don't
see through that? Ow!

I knew it.

Look, I'm having a hard time
with numbers and dates.

Why?

If this is the year
60,000,003,

why is next year
60,000,0027

Why count backwards?
What are we waiting for?

Uh... Frannie?

Maybe you ask
too many questions.

School's not
for asking questions.

It's a place you go
to be out of this house.

Maybe we should consider
hiring Robbie a tutor.

Could we get Connie DeSalvo?

I could be motivated
to study with her.

Come on, Earl.
How much could a tutor cost?

Exactly the same price
as a 90-inch television.

Because that's the way
my life works.

I'm not giving up my TV because he's
not working up to his potential.

Dad, I'm begging you to understand,
I have no potential.

Come on, Earl,
you know the right thing to do.

The right thing to do.

Potential.

- Am I in the story yet?
- I'm getting to you.

- What happened next?
- I went to work.

- Why?
- Because your mother makes me.

- Am I at work?
- No.

- Am I at work?
- No.

- Am I at work?
- Yes. Yes.

No, I'm not.

[male] Let's start the swamp.

[sawing]

We need three men!

Morning, Ed.

Morning, Sid.

Why is the right thing
always the one

where I have to spend
all my money

on nothing I get?

Why does my life
have to be like this?

Well, now, isn't this the
choice you made, pally boy?

Getting married,
having a wife and kids

and not eating 'em?

This is new,
experimental stuff.

I would, for once,
like to have some money in my pocket

after my family spends
every cent I've got.

Then you better march
into that trailer

and ask Richfield
for a raise.

Oh, well, I don't normally
talk to Mr. Richfield.

And why not?

Well, he's...
I'm just a regular tree pusher,

and he's executive
supervisor.

Have you recently seen
the size of his teeth?

Well, that just may be, Earl,

but this is for your family,
for your future.

So, Roy, do you really think
the boss would give me a raise?

Yeah. You gave this company
the best years of your life.

Maybe not the best years
but certainly the least miserable years

- of a generally crummy time I'm having.
- That's the spirit.

Maybe I should go in right now.

Thatta boy, Mr. Stand Up
to the Boss Sinclair.

I'm gonna give that guy
what's what.

You'll tell him where to get off.

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

Uh, wanna come in with me?

No. Big teeth.

[moans]

[clock ticking]

Mm-hm-hmm. Hm.

Uh, excuse me.
Mr. Richfield?

Ow!

Oh, God.

Why aren't you out there
knocking down trees?

You're right. I should be.

I'm leaving. I'm getting
out of here. Thank you.

I have a family, Mr. Richfield.

I can't afford to get my wife a present,
to buy my children things I'd like to.

Tree pushers
get $4 an hour.

Well, I need a raise.

[clock stops ticking]

[groaning]

[exhales]

Sinclair, you dog.

Twenty years you work here.

I never would have figured
you had it in you to take me on!

But take me on you do,

mano a mano, one-on-one.

That's guts ball, Sinclair.

I like a guy who plays
guts ball. Like it!

- Ah!
- [Earl] Oh, well, thank you, sir.

I guess I'm going to have to
take your ultimatum seriously, aren't I?

I'd appreciate that, sir.

A guy comes in here,
puts a gun to my head...

No, I meant no gun, sir.

...must be prepared
to back up his threat!

So I'm gonna ask you,

you want
a raise or what?

Uh... or not.

What puts you in a position to
come in here with your demands?

Well, I got a wife and a family.

Well, where is this my fault?

I'm not blaming you.

Then why do I have
to pay for your family?

- I just need more money.
- Nah!

The way I see it, you don't need
more money. You need less family!

[stuttering] But I love my family.

Well, obviously you do, since you're
ready to quit your job for them.

- What?
- You face me down,

demand more money,
I ain't gonna give it to you.

So you got no alternative
but to say...

- I'm sorry.
- I quit!

“Quit?

Oh, well, sorry to
lose you, Sinclair.

- All these years...
- But, sir, I like this company.

I always dreamed I'd go
somewhere with this company.

Don't dream, Sinclair.

No dreams for you.
You are what you are.

That's all you're ever gonna be,
except not with this company.

Best thing to do is realize that now.

Best thing in the world.
You'll thank me.

- But, sir...
- Thank me!

Uh, thank you ever so...
Mr... Uh, goodbye.

[growls]

[humming]

What a day.

How was your day, dear?

Compared to what, Fran?

Compared to walking off a cliff, falling
10,000 feet, but living long enough

to see that first vulture
swoop down and pick out my eyes?

It's a tie.
Give me a beer.

- [creature 1] No!
- [creature 2] Please!

[creature 3] Mine, mine, mine!

[all] Aw!

Well, I had a rather
interesting day.

Do you want to know
about my day?

I'm done raising the kids.

They're 12 and 14.
They're done.

Whatever they're gonna be,
they're it.

You really should ask me
about my day, Earl.

Look, I say this
with all love and everything,

but I don't give a damn
about your day.

Ask me about my day.

Frances, nothing that happened
in your little day

has any impact on how I'm
gonna live the rest of my life.

Oh, yeah?

That better be breakfast.

So, Mom, stop me if I'm being,
like, insensitive or anything,

but you and Dad can
still have children?

Looks like you're just going
to have to stop thinking

of us as a couple of
old dinosaurs, huh?

Did you and Daddy
really want another baby?

Charlene, we feel
the same way about this egg

as we felt
about Robbie and you.

How in the hell
could this have happen?

Gee, Daddy, just when you've
almost got us out of the house,

you go ahead
and have another baby.

This baby won't leave
for college till it's 18,

which covers your allotted life span.

You're either the world's
most dedicated father...

[growling]

Or not.

In my 60s, Fran.

I'm going to be in my 60s
before I get my life back.

Unless there's nothing
in that egg.

- What?
- Have you held it up to the light?

Oh, don't be silly.

How do you know it's not a dud?
It happens all the time!

We had three duds before Charlene.

No. We had two duds and Robbie.

I'm saying!

Oh! Oh! Oh! I'm having
an anxiety attack here, Fran.

Maybe I don't need to.
Maybe there's nothing in there.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Not that I'm saying anything bad
about the virtues of family life,

but oh, jeez,
you're killing me, Fran.

What I'm trying to say

is that life holds
such enormous possibilities,

as long as there's
nothing in there.

[sucking]

[groaning]

Sweetheart, what do you think about
doing the walls of the baby's room

in a cute little
dancing caveman motif?

You know cavemen are all the rage

with the little ones,
right, sweetheart?

Earl? Earl?

You took a walk?

I took along walk.

Because of me?

- Because of a lot of things.
- But mostly me.

Remember I told you that
dinosaurs lived in the forest

- a long time ago?
- Me.

And how we came out of the forest
to get married and have families?

Am I in the story yet?

I went back to the forest
to see if we were right.

I'm gonna bite you now.

[screams]

[animal calls]

OK, this is it,

the wilderness
of my ancestors,

where my spirit belongs
and my soul longs to be.

Jeez, it's cold!

[gasps]

[grunts] So what?

Small price to pay for
the freedom to do whatever I want.

[chuckling]

Whoa, sack-time.

Hey, what am I
looking for, a bed?

[laughing]
The ground is my bed.

The rocks are my pillows,

and my blanket
is the freezing air.

[chuckling]

[animals screeching]

[birds squawking]

This is nuts!

How could wild dinosaurs
get any sleep out here?

Wh-what? Ooh!

OK, halt!
Who goes there?

Just come out with your hands up
and offer me your meaty portions

because you have
stumbled into the lair

of the mighty megalosaurus, the...

- Oh.
- You!

- Do we know each other?
- Yeah, we know each other.

In fact, my main course last night

was supposed to be "you stew."

But right now, I'll settle
for "come-as-you-are tartare."

Well, if you plan
on eating me,

please, go ahead.
You'd be doing me a favor actually.

What do you mean?

Well, I used to live here,
right on this spot.

There used to be a tree here.
I lived in it with my family.

Now, some idiot knocked
over these trees.

I know my insurance
doesn't cover that.

I don't know where
my family went.

Look, just eat me
and get it over with, will you?

That's awfully sporting
of you there, uh...

Arthur. Arthur Rizzic.

Earl. Earl Sinclair.

- How you doing?
- Glad to know you.

I'll let you in
on something, Rizzic.

You're better off
being rid of your family.

Oh, sure. Family's one
of civilization's worst ideas.

You support them,
give them your money

you put food on the table...
No offense, Rizzic.

- None taken.
- And what do they do for you?

They get you fired from
the only thing you were ever good at.

[growling]

[animals shrieking]

You knocked all
these trees down?

Yeah. And I done you
a favor there, Rizzic.

Now without your family,

you're wild and untamed
and free, huh?

Maybe I've just got
a different perspective

from my place
in the food chain.

What do you mean?

If I was a big dinosaur like you

and everybody respected
and listened to me...

- Everybody listens to you, right?
- Oh, yeah, sure.

Then maybe I wouldn't
need a family.

To tell you the truth,
my family's all that listens to me.

My house is the only place
where I'm the boss.

So then without your family...

I'm completely nothing,

just alone out here
in the cold.

Of course, your kind rules the world,
so you wouldn't understand.

Uh, no, no,
of course not.

I rule the world.
I'm the mighty...

Uh... whatever.

So why don't you just devour me,

and let's call it a night.

Uh, yeah, yeah. OK.

[Rizzic] OK.

[animals howling]

[growls]

Get out of here.

Huh?

Get out of here!

- I won't forget this.
- Yeah!

I'm too tired to eat!

There's no ketchup.

There's no beverage.

Oh, this stinks!

Oh, let me just
sit down and die

because I'm just
a total disgrace

to my ancestors.

- [thud]
- [sniffs]

What's that?

[sniffs]

That smells like...

[gasps] It is!

That's Fran's mastodon surprise!

Out here in the wilderness!

I'm saved! Oh!

Huh?

Hey!

Hey!

Whoa!

[groans]

[groans] Ohh!

- I could've made it here.
- Of course, dear.

So, what's for dessert?

Chocolate hippo cake
at home.

Ooh!

[Earl] Uh, how you doing there,
Mr. Richfield, sir?

Pursuant to the matter
of severing me from my job,

I thought there might be
the matter of severance pay.

Get back to work, Sinclair.

You've had a change of heart,
my captain?

No. I've had a report
from my new assistant.

How you doing?

No family.
Here all day and night.

Nowhere else to go.

Perfect executive material.

Did you put Sinclair's name
back on the active roster?

Yes, sir, and I put him down
for a raise in salary.

[Richfield]
How much?

Uh, imperceptible.

Done.

You were gonna be my dinner.
Now you're my boss' assistant.

I've got to treat you
with respect and deference.

Wow, I can't eat you at all.

Oh, boy, kind of funny, huh?

Get back to work, Sinclair.

Yes, sir, Mr. Rizzic.
Yes, sir.

What a world.

Oh, the baby want to come out soon?
Oh, the baby...

Hey, Fran, take a look at this.

Earl, a paycheck!

Note the imperceptible raise.

Well, your career is taking off,

you've got a wonderful
family to come home to.

Are you a happy dinosaur, Earl?

I think I am, Fran,

because now I realize
what's special

about being the head
of the household.

What's that, dear?

Robbie! Charlene!
Get your tails in here!

This is your father talking,

the king of the whole house.

You see, Fran,

I learned something during
my time in the woods.

No matter how low
you are in this world,

as long as you have
a family to come home to,

well, they're lower.

It isn't often I get to see
the sentimental side of you.

All right, look,
I'm gonna say this one time.

It's only natural
in a dinosaur's life

to go off alone one day and wonder
what things would have been like

if he had traveled a different road.
But you know what?

I take a look at all of us,

and I hope nothing
ever happens

to change the way we are.

[cracking]

Oh, God.

Oh, God!

- Ta-da!
- Aah!

Aah!

Ohh! Ooh!

Whoa!
I'm on the floor.

Uh-oh!

Lots of feet.
Can't get up!

[groans]

Oh, it's adorable.

Whoa! I'm naked.

Who's the mama?
Where's the mama?

Come here,
you sweet thing.

Oh, hi! How you doing?
How you doing?

Earl, this is your baby.

Baby, this is your daddy.

Hi, I'm the baby, brand-new,

just out, got to love me.

Come on, got to love me.

Daddy.

That was a good story,
especially me.

Yeah, that's the way you
came into this world,

and someday,
it will all belong to you

because you and your brother
and your sister

were all born dinosaurs,

and dinosaurs rule the world.

Hmm.

[scraping]

[grunting]

[chuckling]

Aha!

Ah!

[groans]

Ah, ha!

[groaning]

- Ah! Ha-ha!
- Ah!

And we're gonna
rule the world forever.

Ahh.