Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 8, Episode 2 - Bully for Arnold - full transcript
A school bully orders Arnold to "guard" his girlfriend, but things become complicated when the girl falls for Arnold instead.
♪ Now, the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for
you, may not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two, they
got nothing but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got,
Diff'rent Strokes ♪
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes ♪
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪
♪ Everybody's got a
special kind of story ♪
♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪
♪ It don't matter
that you got not alot ♪
♪ So what ♪
♪ They'll have theirs,
and you'll have yours ♪
♪ And I'll have mine ♪
♪ And together we'll be fine ♪
♪ 'Cause it takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪
♪ Yes it does ♪
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪
(upbeat music)
- Hey, I'll tell you what,
let's draw to see who pays.
Pick a fry.
All right, shortest
fry pays this time.
- Shortest, ah shoot.
- [Arnold] Come on,
come on, hurry it up.
Put it up here, put it up here.
- Boy, it looks like Herman
is in a lousy mood today.
- Yeah, I heard he got in
a fight with a police horse.
- Maybe that's why he
was so mad in history class.
- You'd be mad too if you
flunked as many times as he has.
- Yeah, back when he
started taking history,
the prohibition was
called current events.
(laughs)
- You guys could laugh,
but Herman sure scares me.
I heard he was in reform school.
- I wonder why they let him out.
- Word is they threw him out
because he outgrew his cell.
- Uh-oh, he's right behind us.
- Dudley, will you relax?
- Excuse me for a
second, Ramona.
I got some business
to take care of.
Won't you got
order for us, okay?
- Okay, sure, but I'd
love an atomic burger.
- Ramona, now you
know atomic burgers
are murder on your tummy.
- Oh right, I forgot.
- Order a tuna
if it's not moving.
- Now see, Dudley,
Herman's not so bad.
He doesn't even
bother with guys like us.
He doesn't even
know we exist, yeah.
- Jackson, you and I
need to have a tete-a-tete.
- I'd love to, but my doctor
said I should cut down
on my tete-a-tetes.
- Jackson.
- Well maybe one tete.
What'd I do?
- I'd rather talk to you
about this in private.
- Private, no problem!
- Sit!
- We're sitting, Herman.
- Right, we'll sit, fetch,
stand, roll over, walk,
scratch if you want to.
- Knock it off.
I meant more private than here.
- We could ask Mayor
Koch to evaluate the city.
- Jackson, I wanna see you
in alley behind Eddy's News.
- The alley?
That's no private.
We'd have to sit on
top of the bums to talk.
- Yeah, yeah, right.
How about the docks?
That's really private.
- I'm allergic to seagulls.
- Hey, I got it, Arnold.
How about your house?
- Gee, I've never been
invited to a house before.
All right, your house,
five o'clock, be there.
- You don't even
know where I live.
- I'll find you, believe me.
- Bye Hermie.
(audience laughs)
- I don't believe it.
Herman's coming
over here to get me
and I don't even
know what I did wrong.
- Arnold, if I thought
for one minute
that you were in any danger
from this Herman character,
I wouldn't let him
near the place.
- Yeah, there's nothing
to get worked up over.
- Yes there is.
I saw Herman's
picture in the yearbook.
It took up two spaces.
- Look Arnold, if Herman
wanted to beat you up,
he would've done
it at school today.
- No, I think he already
bagged his quota of freshman.
Besides, there were witnesses.
- Well there's
witnesses here too.
- Right Arnold, so
if he beats you up,
we'll see the whole thing.
- Now listen son, I think
we're getting carried away,
but if it'll make
you feel any better,
as soon as you say the word,
I'll have him thrown
out of the place.
- All right Dad, I'll
keep that in mind.
- Come on Sam, let's
go watch a little television.
- Okay Mr. D.
- Arnold, you can't let Dad
throw him out of the building.
It's not cool to
have your father
fight your battles for you.
- I know, Willis.
I guess I'll just have
to take my lumps.
- Arnold, no lumps.
Listen to my advice.
You don't have to fight Herman.
Psych him out, make
him scared of you.
- Willis, nothing
scares this guy.
He takes vacations in Beirut.
- Arnold, trust me, it'll work.
Now stand up.
Now what you have to
do is walk over to Herman
like there's nothing in
the world you're afraid of.
Like this.
(audience laughs)
Then you let him have it.
(growls) Hey man, you bug me.
Notice how the growling
enhances a tough sound?
(growls) And not only that,
you as dumb as you are ugly.
- Just forget it,
he'll never hear me.
My knees' will be
knocking too loud.
- Arnold, cut out
with the jokes.
Now you finish him off by
staring straight in the face.
(growling)
- How's that?
- Ah, real good, Arnold.
(doorbell rings)
- Ah no, it's him.
Maybe I should just
save Herman the trouble
and punch myself in the face.
- Arnold, will you
psych the punk out?
Now check this, I'm gonna
show you how to do this.
I can't believe you.
All right pal, glad to see you.
Come on in.
All right buddy.
You know, any friend of
Arnold is a friend of mine.
Let me tell you something,
you are cool and I
know you are cool.
And don't deny it now.
Anything you want is on me.
Let me know, Arnold.
All right, catch y'all later.
(audience laughs)
- Glad you could make it.
Can I offer you something?
Jelly beans perhaps?
- Thanks.
Hey, you know somebody
ate the green ones out of here?
- Not me!
It was my little brother, Sam.
I'll go get him, you
can squeeze him.
- Forget it.
Let's get down to business.
- Oh look Herman, please.
Whatever it is, I'm sorry.
I'll never do it again, I swear.
It was my fault.
- You didn't do anything.
- I'm sorry anyway.
- I'm not here to hurt you.
- Oh, what a nice man.
- I just need a favor.
- A favor?
Oh, oh okay.
I can handle that.
No favor's too
big, I'll do anything.
I'll even clean out
your gym locker.
I'll even scrap your
socks off the bottom.
- Nah, that'll ruin
the ambience.
(audience laughs)
Look, I'm gonna take a
little vacation from school
if you know what I mean.
- Right, sure.
Hey, you want me to
answer roll for you in history?
Listen, check it out.
When Mrs. Peterson
goes, "Herman Baxter."
I'll go, "Present."
- You're funny.
Look, I've been
watching you in class
and for a freshman,
you're smart.
You got a nice personality,
a lot of common sense.
You're okay.
- I am?
Oh, I am.
Oh yeah, I'm all
those things and more.
- Not more.
- Right, not more.
- Listen, here's a favor.
I want you to keep an eye
on my girlfriend, Ramona,
for about a week.
Starting tonight if
that's all right with you.
- Fine, fine.
Whatever you want,
I consider it an honor.
- Yeah, right, you're perfect.
I mean I'd be stupid
to leave Ramona
with some cool,
good-looking stud, right?
Now remember, you
treat Ramona with respect.
After all, she's use to
being around a gentleman.
- Who's that?
Oh!
- Listen Arnold.
Ramona, see, she
relies on me for advice.
So you try and help her out.
And most important, I don't
want any guys even looking
at my little flower.
If I hear that she's unhappy,
that'll make me so unhappy.
And if I'm unhappy, you're
surely gonna be unhappy.
- If you need
anything, just tell me.
I got a lot of pull around here.
I know the
dishwasher personally.
- Herman would be impressed.
- So, where should we sit?
- How about here?
- I think Herman wanted
you to sit away from the draft.
- All right.
- Over there.
- Okay.
- I must compliment you
on your taste in booths.
That one's hardly got
any worn vinyl on it at all.
Wait, I just wanted you to know
if there's a chair here,
I'd be pulling it for you.
Wait, I could pull
out your booth.
- Oh, no, I'll be fine.
- Wait.
There's a dead fly there.
Probably ate the chili.
- Well, I'm getting hungry.
- Oh okay, I'll
go get a waitress.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- How's it going?
- Fine.
- So, what school do you go to?
- Edison.
- I go to Wilson,
but I could transfer.
- And please make sure
those plates are clean.
All right buddy, back off.
You want me to ruin your day?
- Sure, I could use a laugh.
- Excuse us, Ramona.
Could you follow me please?
Look, I'll give you a
dollar to leave her alone.
- Hey, forget it.
I don't take bribes.
- All right, five dollars.
- Sure.
- Thanks a lot.
You're an okay guy.
- I know, but you better
hope that other guy is too.
(audience laughs)
- Arnold, you were awfully
late getting home last night.
- I know, I know.
- Yeah Arnold, you were
suppose to take me out
for an ice cream cone.
- Sam, don't bug me
about your ice cream cone.
I got more important
things on my mind
than your ice cream cone.
So why don't you
just get out of here?
Just go to school.
- Arnold, that is no way for
you to speak to your brother.
- Yeah, and just
wait, Arnold Jackson.
If Herman flattens
you into a pancake,
I'll be there with the syrup.
- You wouldn't like
to be treated that way.
- Oh, he's a pain, Dad.
And how come you
making such a big deal out
of me coming home
just a little bit late, huh?
- Look, you use
that tone of voice
with me once more young man,
and you won't have to
worry about being late.
You'll be grounded.
- Sorry, Dad.
- Arnold, what is that's
really bothering you?
Is it this business with Ramona?
- Dad, I'm just scared that
no matter how hard I try,
I'll gonna do
something to upset her.
I mean, she'll give
me a bad report
and then I'll be
pancake history.
- You know son, I think maybe
you're just trying too hard.
- Dad, it's a full
time job trying
to do everything
like Hermon would.
I even took a nap
in history class.
Dad, I just don't
know what to do.
I'm going nuts.
- Now now, calm down, son.
Obviously, Herman was
impressed with you in the first place
for being you, not like
anybody else, not like him.
He trusts you.
You just relax, be yourself,
and everything
will work out fine.
- Yeah, that's a good
idea, being myself.
I think I'd enjoy going back
to being charming,
witty, intelligent.
- Arnold.
- Right.
I'll see you later, Dad.
Oh Dad, I'm sorry about
mouthing off and everything.
- That's okay,
son, I understand.
But I know a little
redhead who may not.
- Right.
I'll take care of it.
Maybe I'll ask him for a favor
and let him turn him down.
I'll beg a little.
He's never seen that.
Hi, sorry I'm late.
Gym class was my last class
and someone hid my odor eaters.
- That's okay, I've
waited for you anyway.
- Hey let's eat.
I know what I want,
what do you want?
- Huh?
- What do you want?
- Well I don't know.
I guess an atomic
burger, but I...
- Chili and cheese?
- Ooh, I'd love to, but you
know what Herman says?
Eating atomic burgers can
be hazardous to your health.
- Look, I've been
coming here for years
and except when the
mayonnaise is bad, they're fine.
- Do you really think
I could have one?
- Okay by me.
Betty, two atomic
burgers, hold the mayo.
So the guy says that's why I
always keep an extra alligator
on my left shoulder.
(laughing)
- Now that was a
good joke, Arnold.
- Would I tell a bad one?
- Well.
- Don't answer that.
- You know Arnold,
these past days,
I don't know, I've just really
been having a good time.
Haven't you?
- Oh yeah, a great time.
- I sure am glad
I got to know you.
You're an awfully nice guy.
- So are you.
I mean, not a
nice guy, nice girl.
You know what I mean.
So what do you wanna eat?
Wait, let me guess.
Atomic burger, right?
- That's right.
- Ramona, with all the
atomic burgers you've eaten
in the past few days,
I'm surprised you
don't glow in the dark.
- You know, I sure am gonna
miss coming here with you.
I'm just gonna miss everything.
- Even my jokes?
- No. (laughs)
Of course I will.
- Hey, what's wrong?
Come on, you can tell
me, what's the matter?
- It's Herman.
I mean, he's nice and
everything, but he's...
- Come on.
- Arnold, I'm falling
in love with you.
(audience laughs)
- Oh man, Herman's
girl's in love with you?
That's bad news.
- Having any girl in love
with you is bad news.
- What a raw deal.
The worst part of it is I'm
gonna killed by Herman
and Ramona
doesn't really love me.
She just loves a little freedom.
She likes being able
to sit near a jukebox
and having atomic burgers.
I'm a dead man.
- Don't worry, Arnold.
We'll also stand up for you.
Right, Willis?
- Stand up?
All right Arnold, if it gets
out of hand, I'll be there.
- And I will too, Arnold.
You know I'm a lot
stronger than I look.
- Thanks guy, but I think this
is one battle I
gotta handle alone.
- Good, 'cause I'm not
really strong as I look.
(audience laughs)
- This just isn't fair.
I gotta get rid of her.
Willis, how do you get a girl
to fall out of love with you?
- Well in my cases, impossible.
In your case, just be yourself.
- That's just what Dad told me
and that's why Ramona
fell in love with me.
(phone rings)
- Well Arnold, we'll
figure out something
to get Herman off your back.
- Hello?
Herman, how are you?
Oh, everything's just fine.
Terrific.
Ramona's fine.
Huh?
Yeah, right.
Bye.
Start figuring, guys.
The hulk is coming back
sooner than I thought.
- When?
- Last night.
Oh, Ramona.
- Arnold?
- We gotta talk.
- Going steady with
you is gonna make me
the happiest girl in the world.
- Look Ramona,
we do have to talk.
I mean you're an older
woman, you're a junior.
If Herman found out about us,
we'd be going to
the prom in a hearse.
- Arnold, let me
ask you something.
Do you really like me?
- Yeah, I really do.
- Then that's all that matters.
We don't have to sneak
around Herman anymore.
In fact, he probably knows
the whole thing by now.
- I don't think so.
Neither one of my
arms are broken.
- Arnold, I left him
a letter in his locker
and I told him about us.
- I'm a dead man.
We gotta get that letter back.
- All Herman cares
about is me being happy.
I'm sure he'll understand.
- Let's go.
- He doesn't understand.
- Out!
- Look Herman,
this is a big mistake.
- No mistake, move.
- Moving, moving.
Look Herman, you're
making a big mistake.
I don't like Ramona.
- Yeah I know,
I read the letter.
You love her.
- No, I don't.
- You calling me a liar?
- No, no.
But I'm not in love with Ramona.
I'm not even in like with her.
Herman, before you kill me,
will you at least
let me explain?
- Sure, go ahead, explain.
Then I'll kill you.
- Very decent of you.
Look Herman, it's not my fault.
Ramona just fell for me.
- That doesn't make any sense.
Why would Ramona
fall for you over me?
In fact, why would she
fall for you over this mop?
You're dead.
- Well if I'm dead, I'm
gonna go out swinging.
Put 'em up, jumbo.
- You one crazy dude.
- If I'm crazy, I'm gonna
do something even crazier.
I'm gonna tell you the truth.
I'm gonna tell you that
the reason Ramona fell
in love with me is because of
you, the way you treated her.
- What do you mean?
I was a perfect gentleman.
I did everything
I could for her.
She didn't even have to
think if she didn't want to.
- That could be the problem.
I mean, when Ramona
saw what it was like
to think for herself,
you lost her.
- Thanks to you.
- No, I think it would've
happen sooner or later.
You just weren't sensitive
enough to her feelings.
- Me?
Not sensitive?
Look, the guy you
see in front of you,
that's not me.
But when I came to this school,
everybody took one look at me
and decided that I was
just a big dumb thug.
- I didn't think that.
- Sure you did.
- Well.
- Doesn't really matter.
They wanted a big dumb
thug so that's what I gave 'em.
But now I'm trying
to change that.
- Why don't you?
- Hey man, I'm trying.
Look Arnold, I wasn't
playing hooky last week.
I was checking out new schools.
- How come?
- Because I gotta
go somewhere else.
Start fresh.
I wanna finish high
school, maybe go to college.
- Really?
That would impress Ramona.
- Yeah right.
Doesn't really matter
anymore, does it?
I mean I was doing all this.
So that maybe, one day,
I could marry Ramona.
Do right by her.
Give her a couple kids.
Suzy and Jocko.
(audience laughs)
What's the use?
I really blew it with her.
- I don't think so.
I mean she still thinks
you're a great guy.
- She does?
- She really does.
And I think if she
knew all of this,
that might change
things with her.
- Maybe you gotta point there.
Thanks a lot, Arnold.
You're a pretty brave
guy telling me to my face.
Stupid.
But brave.
It's too bad I still gotta
rearrange your face.
- What?
- Hey man, I got a
reputation to protect.
- I thought you
wanted to change.
- It's too late here.
- It's never too late.
Look Herman, if you
didn't rearrange my face,
that might show Ramona
that you're changing.
- Are you saying that
'cause you mean it
or so I won't hit you?
- A little of each.
It'll help you and my face.
- You're okay.
Let's go, buddy.
- Arnold, thank goodness
you're still in one piece.
- I think we need
to talk, Ramona.
- I don't think there's
anything to talk about.
- I think you do, Ramona.
Like you said, I
am in one piece.
- Well.
- Oh come on, I'll buy
you an atomic burger.
- Well, maybe
we do need to talk.
- Great.
I'll go order for us.
- Listen Arnold, I feel awful.
- That's all right,
don't worry about me.
I'm crushed.
My heart's been stepped
on, ground into the dust of life,
but you're not the first.
You certainly won't be the last.
- What a man.
- Man and a half.
(audience applauds)
(upbeat music)
to the beat of just one drum ♪
♪ What might be right for
you, may not be right for some ♪
♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means ♪
♪ Then along come two, they
got nothing but their jeans ♪
♪ But they got,
Diff'rent Strokes ♪
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes ♪
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪
♪ Everybody's got a
special kind of story ♪
♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪
♪ It don't matter
that you got not alot ♪
♪ So what ♪
♪ They'll have theirs,
and you'll have yours ♪
♪ And I'll have mine ♪
♪ And together we'll be fine ♪
♪ 'Cause it takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪
♪ Yes it does ♪
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪
(upbeat music)
- Hey, I'll tell you what,
let's draw to see who pays.
Pick a fry.
All right, shortest
fry pays this time.
- Shortest, ah shoot.
- [Arnold] Come on,
come on, hurry it up.
Put it up here, put it up here.
- Boy, it looks like Herman
is in a lousy mood today.
- Yeah, I heard he got in
a fight with a police horse.
- Maybe that's why he
was so mad in history class.
- You'd be mad too if you
flunked as many times as he has.
- Yeah, back when he
started taking history,
the prohibition was
called current events.
(laughs)
- You guys could laugh,
but Herman sure scares me.
I heard he was in reform school.
- I wonder why they let him out.
- Word is they threw him out
because he outgrew his cell.
- Uh-oh, he's right behind us.
- Dudley, will you relax?
- Excuse me for a
second, Ramona.
I got some business
to take care of.
Won't you got
order for us, okay?
- Okay, sure, but I'd
love an atomic burger.
- Ramona, now you
know atomic burgers
are murder on your tummy.
- Oh right, I forgot.
- Order a tuna
if it's not moving.
- Now see, Dudley,
Herman's not so bad.
He doesn't even
bother with guys like us.
He doesn't even
know we exist, yeah.
- Jackson, you and I
need to have a tete-a-tete.
- I'd love to, but my doctor
said I should cut down
on my tete-a-tetes.
- Jackson.
- Well maybe one tete.
What'd I do?
- I'd rather talk to you
about this in private.
- Private, no problem!
- Sit!
- We're sitting, Herman.
- Right, we'll sit, fetch,
stand, roll over, walk,
scratch if you want to.
- Knock it off.
I meant more private than here.
- We could ask Mayor
Koch to evaluate the city.
- Jackson, I wanna see you
in alley behind Eddy's News.
- The alley?
That's no private.
We'd have to sit on
top of the bums to talk.
- Yeah, yeah, right.
How about the docks?
That's really private.
- I'm allergic to seagulls.
- Hey, I got it, Arnold.
How about your house?
- Gee, I've never been
invited to a house before.
All right, your house,
five o'clock, be there.
- You don't even
know where I live.
- I'll find you, believe me.
- Bye Hermie.
(audience laughs)
- I don't believe it.
Herman's coming
over here to get me
and I don't even
know what I did wrong.
- Arnold, if I thought
for one minute
that you were in any danger
from this Herman character,
I wouldn't let him
near the place.
- Yeah, there's nothing
to get worked up over.
- Yes there is.
I saw Herman's
picture in the yearbook.
It took up two spaces.
- Look Arnold, if Herman
wanted to beat you up,
he would've done
it at school today.
- No, I think he already
bagged his quota of freshman.
Besides, there were witnesses.
- Well there's
witnesses here too.
- Right Arnold, so
if he beats you up,
we'll see the whole thing.
- Now listen son, I think
we're getting carried away,
but if it'll make
you feel any better,
as soon as you say the word,
I'll have him thrown
out of the place.
- All right Dad, I'll
keep that in mind.
- Come on Sam, let's
go watch a little television.
- Okay Mr. D.
- Arnold, you can't let Dad
throw him out of the building.
It's not cool to
have your father
fight your battles for you.
- I know, Willis.
I guess I'll just have
to take my lumps.
- Arnold, no lumps.
Listen to my advice.
You don't have to fight Herman.
Psych him out, make
him scared of you.
- Willis, nothing
scares this guy.
He takes vacations in Beirut.
- Arnold, trust me, it'll work.
Now stand up.
Now what you have to
do is walk over to Herman
like there's nothing in
the world you're afraid of.
Like this.
(audience laughs)
Then you let him have it.
(growls) Hey man, you bug me.
Notice how the growling
enhances a tough sound?
(growls) And not only that,
you as dumb as you are ugly.
- Just forget it,
he'll never hear me.
My knees' will be
knocking too loud.
- Arnold, cut out
with the jokes.
Now you finish him off by
staring straight in the face.
(growling)
- How's that?
- Ah, real good, Arnold.
(doorbell rings)
- Ah no, it's him.
Maybe I should just
save Herman the trouble
and punch myself in the face.
- Arnold, will you
psych the punk out?
Now check this, I'm gonna
show you how to do this.
I can't believe you.
All right pal, glad to see you.
Come on in.
All right buddy.
You know, any friend of
Arnold is a friend of mine.
Let me tell you something,
you are cool and I
know you are cool.
And don't deny it now.
Anything you want is on me.
Let me know, Arnold.
All right, catch y'all later.
(audience laughs)
- Glad you could make it.
Can I offer you something?
Jelly beans perhaps?
- Thanks.
Hey, you know somebody
ate the green ones out of here?
- Not me!
It was my little brother, Sam.
I'll go get him, you
can squeeze him.
- Forget it.
Let's get down to business.
- Oh look Herman, please.
Whatever it is, I'm sorry.
I'll never do it again, I swear.
It was my fault.
- You didn't do anything.
- I'm sorry anyway.
- I'm not here to hurt you.
- Oh, what a nice man.
- I just need a favor.
- A favor?
Oh, oh okay.
I can handle that.
No favor's too
big, I'll do anything.
I'll even clean out
your gym locker.
I'll even scrap your
socks off the bottom.
- Nah, that'll ruin
the ambience.
(audience laughs)
Look, I'm gonna take a
little vacation from school
if you know what I mean.
- Right, sure.
Hey, you want me to
answer roll for you in history?
Listen, check it out.
When Mrs. Peterson
goes, "Herman Baxter."
I'll go, "Present."
- You're funny.
Look, I've been
watching you in class
and for a freshman,
you're smart.
You got a nice personality,
a lot of common sense.
You're okay.
- I am?
Oh, I am.
Oh yeah, I'm all
those things and more.
- Not more.
- Right, not more.
- Listen, here's a favor.
I want you to keep an eye
on my girlfriend, Ramona,
for about a week.
Starting tonight if
that's all right with you.
- Fine, fine.
Whatever you want,
I consider it an honor.
- Yeah, right, you're perfect.
I mean I'd be stupid
to leave Ramona
with some cool,
good-looking stud, right?
Now remember, you
treat Ramona with respect.
After all, she's use to
being around a gentleman.
- Who's that?
Oh!
- Listen Arnold.
Ramona, see, she
relies on me for advice.
So you try and help her out.
And most important, I don't
want any guys even looking
at my little flower.
If I hear that she's unhappy,
that'll make me so unhappy.
And if I'm unhappy, you're
surely gonna be unhappy.
- If you need
anything, just tell me.
I got a lot of pull around here.
I know the
dishwasher personally.
- Herman would be impressed.
- So, where should we sit?
- How about here?
- I think Herman wanted
you to sit away from the draft.
- All right.
- Over there.
- Okay.
- I must compliment you
on your taste in booths.
That one's hardly got
any worn vinyl on it at all.
Wait, I just wanted you to know
if there's a chair here,
I'd be pulling it for you.
Wait, I could pull
out your booth.
- Oh, no, I'll be fine.
- Wait.
There's a dead fly there.
Probably ate the chili.
- Well, I'm getting hungry.
- Oh okay, I'll
go get a waitress.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- How's it going?
- Fine.
- So, what school do you go to?
- Edison.
- I go to Wilson,
but I could transfer.
- And please make sure
those plates are clean.
All right buddy, back off.
You want me to ruin your day?
- Sure, I could use a laugh.
- Excuse us, Ramona.
Could you follow me please?
Look, I'll give you a
dollar to leave her alone.
- Hey, forget it.
I don't take bribes.
- All right, five dollars.
- Sure.
- Thanks a lot.
You're an okay guy.
- I know, but you better
hope that other guy is too.
(audience laughs)
- Arnold, you were awfully
late getting home last night.
- I know, I know.
- Yeah Arnold, you were
suppose to take me out
for an ice cream cone.
- Sam, don't bug me
about your ice cream cone.
I got more important
things on my mind
than your ice cream cone.
So why don't you
just get out of here?
Just go to school.
- Arnold, that is no way for
you to speak to your brother.
- Yeah, and just
wait, Arnold Jackson.
If Herman flattens
you into a pancake,
I'll be there with the syrup.
- You wouldn't like
to be treated that way.
- Oh, he's a pain, Dad.
And how come you
making such a big deal out
of me coming home
just a little bit late, huh?
- Look, you use
that tone of voice
with me once more young man,
and you won't have to
worry about being late.
You'll be grounded.
- Sorry, Dad.
- Arnold, what is that's
really bothering you?
Is it this business with Ramona?
- Dad, I'm just scared that
no matter how hard I try,
I'll gonna do
something to upset her.
I mean, she'll give
me a bad report
and then I'll be
pancake history.
- You know son, I think maybe
you're just trying too hard.
- Dad, it's a full
time job trying
to do everything
like Hermon would.
I even took a nap
in history class.
Dad, I just don't
know what to do.
I'm going nuts.
- Now now, calm down, son.
Obviously, Herman was
impressed with you in the first place
for being you, not like
anybody else, not like him.
He trusts you.
You just relax, be yourself,
and everything
will work out fine.
- Yeah, that's a good
idea, being myself.
I think I'd enjoy going back
to being charming,
witty, intelligent.
- Arnold.
- Right.
I'll see you later, Dad.
Oh Dad, I'm sorry about
mouthing off and everything.
- That's okay,
son, I understand.
But I know a little
redhead who may not.
- Right.
I'll take care of it.
Maybe I'll ask him for a favor
and let him turn him down.
I'll beg a little.
He's never seen that.
Hi, sorry I'm late.
Gym class was my last class
and someone hid my odor eaters.
- That's okay, I've
waited for you anyway.
- Hey let's eat.
I know what I want,
what do you want?
- Huh?
- What do you want?
- Well I don't know.
I guess an atomic
burger, but I...
- Chili and cheese?
- Ooh, I'd love to, but you
know what Herman says?
Eating atomic burgers can
be hazardous to your health.
- Look, I've been
coming here for years
and except when the
mayonnaise is bad, they're fine.
- Do you really think
I could have one?
- Okay by me.
Betty, two atomic
burgers, hold the mayo.
So the guy says that's why I
always keep an extra alligator
on my left shoulder.
(laughing)
- Now that was a
good joke, Arnold.
- Would I tell a bad one?
- Well.
- Don't answer that.
- You know Arnold,
these past days,
I don't know, I've just really
been having a good time.
Haven't you?
- Oh yeah, a great time.
- I sure am glad
I got to know you.
You're an awfully nice guy.
- So are you.
I mean, not a
nice guy, nice girl.
You know what I mean.
So what do you wanna eat?
Wait, let me guess.
Atomic burger, right?
- That's right.
- Ramona, with all the
atomic burgers you've eaten
in the past few days,
I'm surprised you
don't glow in the dark.
- You know, I sure am gonna
miss coming here with you.
I'm just gonna miss everything.
- Even my jokes?
- No. (laughs)
Of course I will.
- Hey, what's wrong?
Come on, you can tell
me, what's the matter?
- It's Herman.
I mean, he's nice and
everything, but he's...
- Come on.
- Arnold, I'm falling
in love with you.
(audience laughs)
- Oh man, Herman's
girl's in love with you?
That's bad news.
- Having any girl in love
with you is bad news.
- What a raw deal.
The worst part of it is I'm
gonna killed by Herman
and Ramona
doesn't really love me.
She just loves a little freedom.
She likes being able
to sit near a jukebox
and having atomic burgers.
I'm a dead man.
- Don't worry, Arnold.
We'll also stand up for you.
Right, Willis?
- Stand up?
All right Arnold, if it gets
out of hand, I'll be there.
- And I will too, Arnold.
You know I'm a lot
stronger than I look.
- Thanks guy, but I think this
is one battle I
gotta handle alone.
- Good, 'cause I'm not
really strong as I look.
(audience laughs)
- This just isn't fair.
I gotta get rid of her.
Willis, how do you get a girl
to fall out of love with you?
- Well in my cases, impossible.
In your case, just be yourself.
- That's just what Dad told me
and that's why Ramona
fell in love with me.
(phone rings)
- Well Arnold, we'll
figure out something
to get Herman off your back.
- Hello?
Herman, how are you?
Oh, everything's just fine.
Terrific.
Ramona's fine.
Huh?
Yeah, right.
Bye.
Start figuring, guys.
The hulk is coming back
sooner than I thought.
- When?
- Last night.
Oh, Ramona.
- Arnold?
- We gotta talk.
- Going steady with
you is gonna make me
the happiest girl in the world.
- Look Ramona,
we do have to talk.
I mean you're an older
woman, you're a junior.
If Herman found out about us,
we'd be going to
the prom in a hearse.
- Arnold, let me
ask you something.
Do you really like me?
- Yeah, I really do.
- Then that's all that matters.
We don't have to sneak
around Herman anymore.
In fact, he probably knows
the whole thing by now.
- I don't think so.
Neither one of my
arms are broken.
- Arnold, I left him
a letter in his locker
and I told him about us.
- I'm a dead man.
We gotta get that letter back.
- All Herman cares
about is me being happy.
I'm sure he'll understand.
- Let's go.
- He doesn't understand.
- Out!
- Look Herman,
this is a big mistake.
- No mistake, move.
- Moving, moving.
Look Herman, you're
making a big mistake.
I don't like Ramona.
- Yeah I know,
I read the letter.
You love her.
- No, I don't.
- You calling me a liar?
- No, no.
But I'm not in love with Ramona.
I'm not even in like with her.
Herman, before you kill me,
will you at least
let me explain?
- Sure, go ahead, explain.
Then I'll kill you.
- Very decent of you.
Look Herman, it's not my fault.
Ramona just fell for me.
- That doesn't make any sense.
Why would Ramona
fall for you over me?
In fact, why would she
fall for you over this mop?
You're dead.
- Well if I'm dead, I'm
gonna go out swinging.
Put 'em up, jumbo.
- You one crazy dude.
- If I'm crazy, I'm gonna
do something even crazier.
I'm gonna tell you the truth.
I'm gonna tell you that
the reason Ramona fell
in love with me is because of
you, the way you treated her.
- What do you mean?
I was a perfect gentleman.
I did everything
I could for her.
She didn't even have to
think if she didn't want to.
- That could be the problem.
I mean, when Ramona
saw what it was like
to think for herself,
you lost her.
- Thanks to you.
- No, I think it would've
happen sooner or later.
You just weren't sensitive
enough to her feelings.
- Me?
Not sensitive?
Look, the guy you
see in front of you,
that's not me.
But when I came to this school,
everybody took one look at me
and decided that I was
just a big dumb thug.
- I didn't think that.
- Sure you did.
- Well.
- Doesn't really matter.
They wanted a big dumb
thug so that's what I gave 'em.
But now I'm trying
to change that.
- Why don't you?
- Hey man, I'm trying.
Look Arnold, I wasn't
playing hooky last week.
I was checking out new schools.
- How come?
- Because I gotta
go somewhere else.
Start fresh.
I wanna finish high
school, maybe go to college.
- Really?
That would impress Ramona.
- Yeah right.
Doesn't really matter
anymore, does it?
I mean I was doing all this.
So that maybe, one day,
I could marry Ramona.
Do right by her.
Give her a couple kids.
Suzy and Jocko.
(audience laughs)
What's the use?
I really blew it with her.
- I don't think so.
I mean she still thinks
you're a great guy.
- She does?
- She really does.
And I think if she
knew all of this,
that might change
things with her.
- Maybe you gotta point there.
Thanks a lot, Arnold.
You're a pretty brave
guy telling me to my face.
Stupid.
But brave.
It's too bad I still gotta
rearrange your face.
- What?
- Hey man, I got a
reputation to protect.
- I thought you
wanted to change.
- It's too late here.
- It's never too late.
Look Herman, if you
didn't rearrange my face,
that might show Ramona
that you're changing.
- Are you saying that
'cause you mean it
or so I won't hit you?
- A little of each.
It'll help you and my face.
- You're okay.
Let's go, buddy.
- Arnold, thank goodness
you're still in one piece.
- I think we need
to talk, Ramona.
- I don't think there's
anything to talk about.
- I think you do, Ramona.
Like you said, I
am in one piece.
- Well.
- Oh come on, I'll buy
you an atomic burger.
- Well, maybe
we do need to talk.
- Great.
I'll go order for us.
- Listen Arnold, I feel awful.
- That's all right,
don't worry about me.
I'm crushed.
My heart's been stepped
on, ground into the dust of life,
but you're not the first.
You certainly won't be the last.
- What a man.
- Man and a half.
(audience applauds)
(upbeat music)