Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 5, Episode 7 - The Older Woman - full transcript
Willis obtains a fake ID and dons a fake mustache to get into a nightclub. While at the club, he gets a date with a much older woman and spots Mr. Drummond on date with a much younger woman.
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for
you, may not be right for some
♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two,
they got nothing but their jeans
♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story
♪ Everybody finds a way to shine
♪ It don't matter
that you got not a lot
♪ So what
♪ They'll have theirs, you'll
have yours and I'll have mine
♪ And together we'll be fine
♪ 'Cause it takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Yes it does
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
- Oh, come on
Pearl, gimme a break.
- March.
- Why do I have to
clean out my closet?
It's in perfect shape.
- Oh really?
I'd call that a total mess.
- You're right.
How did this sock get in here?
- No, Arnold,
that doesn't cut it.
You're gonna have
to clean out that closet
if it takes all day.
- Oh but Pearl, if you
keep me inside all day,
I won't get enough
exercise and fresh air,
and I'll get weak and
have to walk on a cane
and wear support hose.
Would you do
that to a little kid?
- Uh huh.
- Man, what a bummer.
A man's closet is
supposed to be his castle.
- Now hear this, Scarlet.
Frankly, my dear, I
don't give a damn.
- Ew, fiddle dee dee, Mr. Rhett.
- Arnold, what are
you doin' in that closet?
- Willis, what are you
doing in that mustache?
- Well this mustache
is gonna get me
into the Domino Club tonight.
- What are they
having, freak night?
Hey Willis, can
Charlene and I come in?
- Entree, girls.
Hi, Willis.
Willis, what is that
thing crawlin' around
under your nose?
- What are you up to, Willis?
- Well my favorite
group, Picketty Witch,
just happens to be playing
at the Domino Club tonight.
- Oh I get it, and you
have to be 18 to get in.
- Don't you think this
adds a few years?
- No, but it adds a few laughs.
- My buddy Art and I are going.
You girls want to come?
- Boy, I'd sure like to.
- Yeah, I love that group.
- Looks like you're gonna
need a couple more mustaches.
- But Willis, we can't get in.
They check IDs.
- No problem.
Get a load of
this, music lovers.
- Willis, where did
you get this fake ID?
- From Art.
- Let me see that.
Rinaldo Garrera?
- Well, you have to
take what's available.
It was either Rinaldo
Garrera or Lars Lundquist.
- Too bad they didn't
have Elmer Fudd.
- So how 'bout it, girls.
If you want to
go, Art can pick up
a coupla more
IDs this afternoon.
- I don't know, Willis.
What if we get caught?
- Yeah, it's like saying
you're 18 when you're not.
- You know, how do
you girls ever expect
to become women if you
can't lie about your age?
- Willis, I am not going.
Now do you get the picture?
- Okay, so don't go.
I'll go without you.
- Well fine, but
if you get busted,
don't come cryin' to me!
- You're really smart, Willis.
You could wind up with a record!
- That's how it starts.
Little things at first, a
fake mustache, a phony ID,
that's how James
Cagney got started.
You dirty rat.
- Okay, kids, I'm
off to my meeting.
Willis, Willis,
are you all right?
- Oh, I'm fine, Dad.
Just got something
caught in my throat.
- I hope you didn't swallow it.
- Listen, my meeting's
gonna run kind of late,
so I won't be home
for dinner tonight.
- Okay Daddy,
don't work too hard.
- Okay.
- Bye.
Come on, Charlene.
- Have a nice evening,
Mr. Drummond.
And that doesn't
apply to you, Willis.
- Brrr, it suddenly got
kinda chilly in here, didn't it?
- You know Charlene,
Dad, she's moody.
- Yeah, one day she
hates him and the next day,
she can't stand him.
- Picketty Witch,
the Domino Club.
What's this, Willis?
- Oh just some new
group that the kids
are really thrilled about, Dad.
- Have you seen 'em?
- No, I'd love to,
but you can't get in.
You have to be 18.
- Well, you'll be
18 soon enough.
- Before you know it.
- This is great.
Hottest group in
town, front row seats.
- I can't believe it.
They didn't even check our IDs.
- Wow, here comes our waitress.
I think I'm in love.
- Hi, I'm Monique, and I'll
be your waitress this evening.
May I see some ID, please?
- Yeah.
Here.
- Rinaldo Garrera?
- Si.
- Hey, baby, if you're
ready to take our orders now,
I'll take two of you to go.
- Are you really 20?
- Well, I um.
- You just seem,
older, more mature.
- Mature, that's me.
- Especially compared to some
of the guys who come in here.
- Yeah, I know the type.
- May I take your order?
- I'll have a diet soda.
- Me, too.
- Diet soda.
- I'm in training.
See, the coach at
Columbia University,
where I'm currently enrolled,
wants me sober and skinny.
- Me too.
That's why they call
me the Lean Machine.
- Don't go away.
- I won't, I won't.
- You know, I think
she goes for your act.
- Me?
Nah, think so?
- Trust me, I know women.
At first she liked me,
but then she saw I
was the kind of guy
that would only hurt her.
So now she likes you.
- Wow, an older
woman going for me.
How old do you
think she is anyway?
- She's gotta be 20.
- 20.
- So why don't you
ask her out, hot shot?
- Oh, I couldn't do that.
What about what's her name?
- Charlene?
- Yeah, her.
- Some girlfriend, she wouldn't
even come with you tonight.
- She was worried about her age.
- My point exactamundo.
Charlene is just a girl,
but Monique is a woman.
- You got a point there.
- Here ya go, guys.
- Go ahead, ask her.
- That'll be $4.
- For two diet drinks?
Of course, what a bargain.
- So uh, what sports do
you play at Columbia?
- Where?
Oh Columbia!
Some of them, um, most of um.
Baseball.
- Rinaldo, you have a
certain unspoiled charm.
- You really think so.
- I really do.
- What about me?
I'll try not to hurt you.
- And you know what I
like about you even more?
- Tell me.
- Well I appreciate
the fact that you
haven't come on to me
the way some other guys do.
- It just occurred
to me, you probably
get the night off once
in a while, don't ya?
- Uh huh.
- Well, would you
ever consider dating
an athlete who's currently
enrolled at Columbia University?
- Oh, I think I'd like that.
How does tomorrow night look?
- Tomorrow night?
It looks great,
it's my night off.
I better go back to work.
See ya.
- Oh man.
This is a night I'm
never gonna forget.
- She's really somethin'.
Look at those legs.
- Yeah, two of 'em.
- You lucked out.
She really goes for you.
- Oh no!
- What do you mean no?
She was all over you.
- No, not her, my
Dad's back there.
- That old guy
with the foxy chick?
He sure likes 'em young.
- He sure does!
- Another round of drinks?
- Sorry, but I gotta
get outta here.
- Why?
- That's my coach back there.
- That's your coach?
He sure likes 'em young.
- Monique, if he catches
me breaking training,
I'm off the team, bye.
- Wait, wait, Rinaldo.
We have a date, remember.
Call me.
Come on, Art.
- No way.
He's your coach, not mine.
I came to see the show.
- All right, see ya.
- Boy, how young everybody is.
Do they look young to you?
No, I guess not.
- You know something?
You seem to be a little
uncomfortable tonight.
I bet I know what it is.
- You're right, a man
my age can only hold
his stomach in for so long.
- Don't try to joke
your way out of it.
You're in great shape,
but I get the feeling
you think you're too old to
be out with someone my age.
- Well, there is a
little age difference.
One of us is 24
and one of us isn't.
- Come on.
- I know it's all right,
and you know it's all right,
but for some strange reason,
I couldn't even tell my kids.
- Really?
I'm surprised.
You have a very
young and hip outlook.
After all, you knew
about the group
playing here tonight, didn't ya?
- Well, I try to stay in touch.
- Well I've had my share
of dates with younger men,
and they all have just
one thing on their minds.
- I know, PAC-MAN.
I'm very grateful to you, Katie.
You've done an awful
lot for my ego tonight.
I don't feel conspicuous
sitting here with you now.
As a matter of fact, I
don't think anybody's
even given me a second look.
- Way to go, coach.
- Are you serious,
Dad and a young girl?
- I swear.
She couldn't of been
more than 24 years old.
- 24!
I thought you said
she was young!
- Well, actually I
can understand why
she'd like to go out with Daddy.
It's very exciting to be
with someone who's older.
Don't you think so, Pearl?
- Someone older?
Well, I've had this fantasy
about Cary Grant for years.
It's the south of France.
He's sunning his gorgeous
body on the beach.
I tiptoe up beside
him and run my fingers
through his silky white hair.
- Is that it?
- No, there's more,
but I'm not a woman
who brags about her conquests.
- Don't say anything,
Pearl, but last night,
Dad went out with
a younger woman.
- My, my, my, I know
still waters run deep,
but who'd a thought your
father would shoot the rapids?
- I don't get it.
- Never mind.
- Oh, then it has
something to do with sex.
- Good morning, everybody!
Good morning, Dad.
- How was your business
meeting last night?
- Good, very good,
better than I expected.
- Coffee, Mr. Drummond?
- Oh no thanks, I'll
just have orange juice.
I gotta get to the health
club and have a workout.
- Mustn't overdo those workouts.
- By the way, Pearl, I won't
be home for dinner tonight.
I have another business meeting.
- On Saturday night?
- Oh I don't mind,
I love my work.
- We know.
- Well I gotta run.
Gotta stay in shape.
♪ You make me feel so young ♪
- Oh, Pearl, I won't
be home tonight
for dinner, either.
I'm going to a slumber party.
Excuse me guys.
- You know, I just
had a thought, Pearl.
I'd hate for you to go
through all the trouble
of cooking such a big
meal just for Arnold and me.
- I wouldn't.
- I mean, I got a
big algebra test,
and I can just fix a sandwich.
Hey, why don't you two
make a night of it and go out?
Grab a coupla hot
dogs and see a movie.
- Now you're talkin'!
Whatta ya say, Pearl?
- How can I refuse?
A night on the town
with a younger man?
Come on, Arnold, help me clear.
- Hi, Monique, it's Rinaldo.
- Oh hi, Rinaldo.
Gee I'm glad you called.
- Listen Monique, instead
of spending the night
running around in
smoky old nightclubs,
how would you like to
spend a nice quiet evening
in a Park Avenue penthouse?
- Whose penthouse?
- Mine.
I mean my roommate's.
The address is 697 Park
Avenue, Penthouse A.
I'll order a pizza
and the night is ours.
- Seven o'clock comfortable?
- Fits me fine.
- Algebra, huh?
You're actually gonna
see this Monique
behind Charlene's back?
- Well do you know
a safer way to do it?
Listen, Arnold, you
don't understand.
Charlene is a child.
Monique is a woman.
- And you are a two-timer.
Willis, if Charlene finds
out about this Monique,
you'll wish your name
really was Rinaldo
and you lived in Puerto Rico.
- Well she's not gonna find out.
I told her I had a
killer algebra test
and that I wasn't even
gonna take time out to eat.
- You're gonna
die young, Willis.
It's me!
- Come in, Pearl.
- Oh, Arnold please
don't shoot me,
but I can't take ya
to a movie tonight.
Oh, no.
- I just called my
mother, and she doesn't
feel well, so I have to go
over there and take care of her.
- Ah that's okay.
I understand.
- Sorry, but I'll fix
you boys a nice dinner
and leave it for you.
- Thanks, Pearl.
Well, loverboy,
what are you gonna do now,
call off your date?
- No, I got a better idea.
I'm gonna lock you in this room.
- What you talkin'
about, Willis?
- Hi, Rinaldo.
- Hi, Monique.
Come in.
- Thought I had the wrong
apartment for a minute.
What smells like medicine?
Is somebody sick?
- The plant has to
take some special food.
- But it smells
like it's on you.
- Well the plant
won't take its medicine
unless I take some first.
- Oh, Rinaldo.
Say, this is a really
beautiful apartment.
- It's not much, but it's
a roof over your head.
- You look very
handsome tonight.
- You look fantastic.
How 'bout a drink?
- No, but how 'bout some music?
- Oh yeah music,
that's always nice.
- You know, you can
tell a lot about a man
from his record collection.
You've got a lot
of new wave here.
Motels, Devo,
Sophie Tucker.
Sophie Tucker?
- She's old wave.
Probably belongs to
my father's roommate.
My roommate's father.
Shall we dance?
- Sure.
That's nice.
You gotta lot of
great moves, Rinaldo,
but I like to touch dance.
Isn't this better?
- Oh yeah, better.
- You know, I don't
know what it is about you,
Rinaldo, but I like it.
- If you like it, it's yours.
I wonder who that can be.
- Someone with bad timing.
- It's probably the pizza guy.
- Well, we'll just
have to pick this up
where we left off.
I better go fix my lipstick.
- I better fix mine, too.
Oh, it's right in there.
- Don't go anywhere.
- Thank you.
- Hi.
- Charlene!
- Willis, why are
you still wearing
that stupid mustache?
- Well um, it um,
I had to keep it
on because I got a
lot of compliments,
and I thought I'd grow
a real one underneath it.
Charlene, what
are you doin' here?
- Well, I felt sorry
for you, so I brought
you some dinner, and
I'm gonna help you study.
Math is my best subject.
- Come with me!
- Why?
- Because Arnold is sick
and he shouldn't be left alone.
- I thought I smelled
medicine in here.
- Aw, dummy, I told ya
you shot the wrong guy!
- Charlene, wait here.
Arnold might be
sleeping in the nude.
Okay Arnold, time for bed.
- Hey, what are you doing?
- Charlene just showed up,
and I told her you were sick.
- I'm not sick!
- Well you better
start acting sick
or you're gonna be sick.
- I'm sick.
- Get under the covers, come on.
Hurry up.
- All right, move the pillow.
- Just get under
the covers, don't
worry about that.
Get under the covers, come on.
Okay.
Get your head out.
Charlene, Arnold
can see you now.
- Oh you poor thing.
What's wrong?
- Oh it's nothing,
it'll go away.
I'm sure it will.
- On second thought, this
could become very serious.
- Well you look all right,
and you don't feel warm.
- I will in a minute.
- Oh hello.
- Hello.
Do I know you?
You look familiar.
- From the Domino Club, I
was your cocktail waitress.
- Did I forget to leave a tip?
- No, no, I have a
date with Rinaldo.
Rinaldo?
- Yes, and if you're
here to check up
on him, coach, don't
worry, I promise I won't
keep him up late.
- Coach?
Why does everybody
keep calling me that?
- I'm sorry, I don't
know your name.
- Where is this
Rinaldo right now?
- He's probably out in
the kitchen with the pizza.
- I think I'll give him a hand.
- Monique, Monique,
Monique, you've gotta
get out of here.
- Oh I was afraid of that.
Is it because your
coach is here?
- What coach?
- Your coach, the one
that was at the club.
- He's here now, my coach?
- Yes, he is.
- Uh oh.
- What are you doing
in that mustache, Willis?
- Willis?
What's going on here?
- Yeah, I'd like
to know that too.
Will you let go of me!
- Come back!
I think my fever's
gettin' worse!
- Fever?
- Who, may I ask, are you?
- I'm his date.
Who are you?
- Well I'm his girl.
At least, I was his girl.
- His girl?
How old are you?
- 16 goin' on 12.
- Oh!
Monique, I can explain.
- 16?
You little devil,
you had me fooled.
- Aren't you even mad?
- I'll handle the mad part.
- I'll help you.
- Well I think it's
time for me to leave,
so good night, everybody.
Good night.
- Good luck, Willis,
and why don't you give me
a call in about four years?
- And Willis, don't
bother callin' me at all.
- Aw Char, let me explain.
Just give me a chance.
If you stop and let
me talk to you, I can...
- Oh you couldn'ta
come at a better time.
Here.
- That'll be $6.50.
- My treat!
- And that's the
whole ugly story, Dad.
I was just so flattered
to have someone
in their 20s interested in me.
- I understand that feeling.
- You got a little anchovy.
- I don't understand
you, Willis, a fake ID.
By the way, hand me that.
I don't think you know
how serious this is.
What you did was very dumb.
- Remember, Dad, you're
dealing with the Duke of Dumb.
- All I wanted to use it
for, Dad, was to listen
to that new wave group.
I didn't buy a
drink or anything.
- It doesn't matter.
Just carrying it is
a punishable crime.
- I've already been punished.
Monique knows I'm 16, and
Charlene knows I'm a jerk.
- And I knew both of those
things a long time ago.
- I better go call Charlene.
At least she can't throw
pizza over the phone.
- Yeah.
- So Dad, now that we're
alone, can you tell me
about that foxy young
chick you've been seeing?
- What foxy young chick?
- Willis saw ya at the club.
- Oh that foxy young chick.
I'll tell you about it when
you're older, Arnold.
- Is this old enough?
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for
you, may not be right for some
♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two,
they got nothin' but their jeans
♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Yes it does
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Hmm
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to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for
you, may not be right for some
♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two,
they got nothing but their jeans
♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story
♪ Everybody finds a way to shine
♪ It don't matter
that you got not a lot
♪ So what
♪ They'll have theirs, you'll
have yours and I'll have mine
♪ And together we'll be fine
♪ 'Cause it takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Yes it does
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
- Oh, come on
Pearl, gimme a break.
- March.
- Why do I have to
clean out my closet?
It's in perfect shape.
- Oh really?
I'd call that a total mess.
- You're right.
How did this sock get in here?
- No, Arnold,
that doesn't cut it.
You're gonna have
to clean out that closet
if it takes all day.
- Oh but Pearl, if you
keep me inside all day,
I won't get enough
exercise and fresh air,
and I'll get weak and
have to walk on a cane
and wear support hose.
Would you do
that to a little kid?
- Uh huh.
- Man, what a bummer.
A man's closet is
supposed to be his castle.
- Now hear this, Scarlet.
Frankly, my dear, I
don't give a damn.
- Ew, fiddle dee dee, Mr. Rhett.
- Arnold, what are
you doin' in that closet?
- Willis, what are you
doing in that mustache?
- Well this mustache
is gonna get me
into the Domino Club tonight.
- What are they
having, freak night?
Hey Willis, can
Charlene and I come in?
- Entree, girls.
Hi, Willis.
Willis, what is that
thing crawlin' around
under your nose?
- What are you up to, Willis?
- Well my favorite
group, Picketty Witch,
just happens to be playing
at the Domino Club tonight.
- Oh I get it, and you
have to be 18 to get in.
- Don't you think this
adds a few years?
- No, but it adds a few laughs.
- My buddy Art and I are going.
You girls want to come?
- Boy, I'd sure like to.
- Yeah, I love that group.
- Looks like you're gonna
need a couple more mustaches.
- But Willis, we can't get in.
They check IDs.
- No problem.
Get a load of
this, music lovers.
- Willis, where did
you get this fake ID?
- From Art.
- Let me see that.
Rinaldo Garrera?
- Well, you have to
take what's available.
It was either Rinaldo
Garrera or Lars Lundquist.
- Too bad they didn't
have Elmer Fudd.
- So how 'bout it, girls.
If you want to
go, Art can pick up
a coupla more
IDs this afternoon.
- I don't know, Willis.
What if we get caught?
- Yeah, it's like saying
you're 18 when you're not.
- You know, how do
you girls ever expect
to become women if you
can't lie about your age?
- Willis, I am not going.
Now do you get the picture?
- Okay, so don't go.
I'll go without you.
- Well fine, but
if you get busted,
don't come cryin' to me!
- You're really smart, Willis.
You could wind up with a record!
- That's how it starts.
Little things at first, a
fake mustache, a phony ID,
that's how James
Cagney got started.
You dirty rat.
- Okay, kids, I'm
off to my meeting.
Willis, Willis,
are you all right?
- Oh, I'm fine, Dad.
Just got something
caught in my throat.
- I hope you didn't swallow it.
- Listen, my meeting's
gonna run kind of late,
so I won't be home
for dinner tonight.
- Okay Daddy,
don't work too hard.
- Okay.
- Bye.
Come on, Charlene.
- Have a nice evening,
Mr. Drummond.
And that doesn't
apply to you, Willis.
- Brrr, it suddenly got
kinda chilly in here, didn't it?
- You know Charlene,
Dad, she's moody.
- Yeah, one day she
hates him and the next day,
she can't stand him.
- Picketty Witch,
the Domino Club.
What's this, Willis?
- Oh just some new
group that the kids
are really thrilled about, Dad.
- Have you seen 'em?
- No, I'd love to,
but you can't get in.
You have to be 18.
- Well, you'll be
18 soon enough.
- Before you know it.
- This is great.
Hottest group in
town, front row seats.
- I can't believe it.
They didn't even check our IDs.
- Wow, here comes our waitress.
I think I'm in love.
- Hi, I'm Monique, and I'll
be your waitress this evening.
May I see some ID, please?
- Yeah.
Here.
- Rinaldo Garrera?
- Si.
- Hey, baby, if you're
ready to take our orders now,
I'll take two of you to go.
- Are you really 20?
- Well, I um.
- You just seem,
older, more mature.
- Mature, that's me.
- Especially compared to some
of the guys who come in here.
- Yeah, I know the type.
- May I take your order?
- I'll have a diet soda.
- Me, too.
- Diet soda.
- I'm in training.
See, the coach at
Columbia University,
where I'm currently enrolled,
wants me sober and skinny.
- Me too.
That's why they call
me the Lean Machine.
- Don't go away.
- I won't, I won't.
- You know, I think
she goes for your act.
- Me?
Nah, think so?
- Trust me, I know women.
At first she liked me,
but then she saw I
was the kind of guy
that would only hurt her.
So now she likes you.
- Wow, an older
woman going for me.
How old do you
think she is anyway?
- She's gotta be 20.
- 20.
- So why don't you
ask her out, hot shot?
- Oh, I couldn't do that.
What about what's her name?
- Charlene?
- Yeah, her.
- Some girlfriend, she wouldn't
even come with you tonight.
- She was worried about her age.
- My point exactamundo.
Charlene is just a girl,
but Monique is a woman.
- You got a point there.
- Here ya go, guys.
- Go ahead, ask her.
- That'll be $4.
- For two diet drinks?
Of course, what a bargain.
- So uh, what sports do
you play at Columbia?
- Where?
Oh Columbia!
Some of them, um, most of um.
Baseball.
- Rinaldo, you have a
certain unspoiled charm.
- You really think so.
- I really do.
- What about me?
I'll try not to hurt you.
- And you know what I
like about you even more?
- Tell me.
- Well I appreciate
the fact that you
haven't come on to me
the way some other guys do.
- It just occurred
to me, you probably
get the night off once
in a while, don't ya?
- Uh huh.
- Well, would you
ever consider dating
an athlete who's currently
enrolled at Columbia University?
- Oh, I think I'd like that.
How does tomorrow night look?
- Tomorrow night?
It looks great,
it's my night off.
I better go back to work.
See ya.
- Oh man.
This is a night I'm
never gonna forget.
- She's really somethin'.
Look at those legs.
- Yeah, two of 'em.
- You lucked out.
She really goes for you.
- Oh no!
- What do you mean no?
She was all over you.
- No, not her, my
Dad's back there.
- That old guy
with the foxy chick?
He sure likes 'em young.
- He sure does!
- Another round of drinks?
- Sorry, but I gotta
get outta here.
- Why?
- That's my coach back there.
- That's your coach?
He sure likes 'em young.
- Monique, if he catches
me breaking training,
I'm off the team, bye.
- Wait, wait, Rinaldo.
We have a date, remember.
Call me.
Come on, Art.
- No way.
He's your coach, not mine.
I came to see the show.
- All right, see ya.
- Boy, how young everybody is.
Do they look young to you?
No, I guess not.
- You know something?
You seem to be a little
uncomfortable tonight.
I bet I know what it is.
- You're right, a man
my age can only hold
his stomach in for so long.
- Don't try to joke
your way out of it.
You're in great shape,
but I get the feeling
you think you're too old to
be out with someone my age.
- Well, there is a
little age difference.
One of us is 24
and one of us isn't.
- Come on.
- I know it's all right,
and you know it's all right,
but for some strange reason,
I couldn't even tell my kids.
- Really?
I'm surprised.
You have a very
young and hip outlook.
After all, you knew
about the group
playing here tonight, didn't ya?
- Well, I try to stay in touch.
- Well I've had my share
of dates with younger men,
and they all have just
one thing on their minds.
- I know, PAC-MAN.
I'm very grateful to you, Katie.
You've done an awful
lot for my ego tonight.
I don't feel conspicuous
sitting here with you now.
As a matter of fact, I
don't think anybody's
even given me a second look.
- Way to go, coach.
- Are you serious,
Dad and a young girl?
- I swear.
She couldn't of been
more than 24 years old.
- 24!
I thought you said
she was young!
- Well, actually I
can understand why
she'd like to go out with Daddy.
It's very exciting to be
with someone who's older.
Don't you think so, Pearl?
- Someone older?
Well, I've had this fantasy
about Cary Grant for years.
It's the south of France.
He's sunning his gorgeous
body on the beach.
I tiptoe up beside
him and run my fingers
through his silky white hair.
- Is that it?
- No, there's more,
but I'm not a woman
who brags about her conquests.
- Don't say anything,
Pearl, but last night,
Dad went out with
a younger woman.
- My, my, my, I know
still waters run deep,
but who'd a thought your
father would shoot the rapids?
- I don't get it.
- Never mind.
- Oh, then it has
something to do with sex.
- Good morning, everybody!
Good morning, Dad.
- How was your business
meeting last night?
- Good, very good,
better than I expected.
- Coffee, Mr. Drummond?
- Oh no thanks, I'll
just have orange juice.
I gotta get to the health
club and have a workout.
- Mustn't overdo those workouts.
- By the way, Pearl, I won't
be home for dinner tonight.
I have another business meeting.
- On Saturday night?
- Oh I don't mind,
I love my work.
- We know.
- Well I gotta run.
Gotta stay in shape.
♪ You make me feel so young ♪
- Oh, Pearl, I won't
be home tonight
for dinner, either.
I'm going to a slumber party.
Excuse me guys.
- You know, I just
had a thought, Pearl.
I'd hate for you to go
through all the trouble
of cooking such a big
meal just for Arnold and me.
- I wouldn't.
- I mean, I got a
big algebra test,
and I can just fix a sandwich.
Hey, why don't you two
make a night of it and go out?
Grab a coupla hot
dogs and see a movie.
- Now you're talkin'!
Whatta ya say, Pearl?
- How can I refuse?
A night on the town
with a younger man?
Come on, Arnold, help me clear.
- Hi, Monique, it's Rinaldo.
- Oh hi, Rinaldo.
Gee I'm glad you called.
- Listen Monique, instead
of spending the night
running around in
smoky old nightclubs,
how would you like to
spend a nice quiet evening
in a Park Avenue penthouse?
- Whose penthouse?
- Mine.
I mean my roommate's.
The address is 697 Park
Avenue, Penthouse A.
I'll order a pizza
and the night is ours.
- Seven o'clock comfortable?
- Fits me fine.
- Algebra, huh?
You're actually gonna
see this Monique
behind Charlene's back?
- Well do you know
a safer way to do it?
Listen, Arnold, you
don't understand.
Charlene is a child.
Monique is a woman.
- And you are a two-timer.
Willis, if Charlene finds
out about this Monique,
you'll wish your name
really was Rinaldo
and you lived in Puerto Rico.
- Well she's not gonna find out.
I told her I had a
killer algebra test
and that I wasn't even
gonna take time out to eat.
- You're gonna
die young, Willis.
It's me!
- Come in, Pearl.
- Oh, Arnold please
don't shoot me,
but I can't take ya
to a movie tonight.
Oh, no.
- I just called my
mother, and she doesn't
feel well, so I have to go
over there and take care of her.
- Ah that's okay.
I understand.
- Sorry, but I'll fix
you boys a nice dinner
and leave it for you.
- Thanks, Pearl.
Well, loverboy,
what are you gonna do now,
call off your date?
- No, I got a better idea.
I'm gonna lock you in this room.
- What you talkin'
about, Willis?
- Hi, Rinaldo.
- Hi, Monique.
Come in.
- Thought I had the wrong
apartment for a minute.
What smells like medicine?
Is somebody sick?
- The plant has to
take some special food.
- But it smells
like it's on you.
- Well the plant
won't take its medicine
unless I take some first.
- Oh, Rinaldo.
Say, this is a really
beautiful apartment.
- It's not much, but it's
a roof over your head.
- You look very
handsome tonight.
- You look fantastic.
How 'bout a drink?
- No, but how 'bout some music?
- Oh yeah music,
that's always nice.
- You know, you can
tell a lot about a man
from his record collection.
You've got a lot
of new wave here.
Motels, Devo,
Sophie Tucker.
Sophie Tucker?
- She's old wave.
Probably belongs to
my father's roommate.
My roommate's father.
Shall we dance?
- Sure.
That's nice.
You gotta lot of
great moves, Rinaldo,
but I like to touch dance.
Isn't this better?
- Oh yeah, better.
- You know, I don't
know what it is about you,
Rinaldo, but I like it.
- If you like it, it's yours.
I wonder who that can be.
- Someone with bad timing.
- It's probably the pizza guy.
- Well, we'll just
have to pick this up
where we left off.
I better go fix my lipstick.
- I better fix mine, too.
Oh, it's right in there.
- Don't go anywhere.
- Thank you.
- Hi.
- Charlene!
- Willis, why are
you still wearing
that stupid mustache?
- Well um, it um,
I had to keep it
on because I got a
lot of compliments,
and I thought I'd grow
a real one underneath it.
Charlene, what
are you doin' here?
- Well, I felt sorry
for you, so I brought
you some dinner, and
I'm gonna help you study.
Math is my best subject.
- Come with me!
- Why?
- Because Arnold is sick
and he shouldn't be left alone.
- I thought I smelled
medicine in here.
- Aw, dummy, I told ya
you shot the wrong guy!
- Charlene, wait here.
Arnold might be
sleeping in the nude.
Okay Arnold, time for bed.
- Hey, what are you doing?
- Charlene just showed up,
and I told her you were sick.
- I'm not sick!
- Well you better
start acting sick
or you're gonna be sick.
- I'm sick.
- Get under the covers, come on.
Hurry up.
- All right, move the pillow.
- Just get under
the covers, don't
worry about that.
Get under the covers, come on.
Okay.
Get your head out.
Charlene, Arnold
can see you now.
- Oh you poor thing.
What's wrong?
- Oh it's nothing,
it'll go away.
I'm sure it will.
- On second thought, this
could become very serious.
- Well you look all right,
and you don't feel warm.
- I will in a minute.
- Oh hello.
- Hello.
Do I know you?
You look familiar.
- From the Domino Club, I
was your cocktail waitress.
- Did I forget to leave a tip?
- No, no, I have a
date with Rinaldo.
Rinaldo?
- Yes, and if you're
here to check up
on him, coach, don't
worry, I promise I won't
keep him up late.
- Coach?
Why does everybody
keep calling me that?
- I'm sorry, I don't
know your name.
- Where is this
Rinaldo right now?
- He's probably out in
the kitchen with the pizza.
- I think I'll give him a hand.
- Monique, Monique,
Monique, you've gotta
get out of here.
- Oh I was afraid of that.
Is it because your
coach is here?
- What coach?
- Your coach, the one
that was at the club.
- He's here now, my coach?
- Yes, he is.
- Uh oh.
- What are you doing
in that mustache, Willis?
- Willis?
What's going on here?
- Yeah, I'd like
to know that too.
Will you let go of me!
- Come back!
I think my fever's
gettin' worse!
- Fever?
- Who, may I ask, are you?
- I'm his date.
Who are you?
- Well I'm his girl.
At least, I was his girl.
- His girl?
How old are you?
- 16 goin' on 12.
- Oh!
Monique, I can explain.
- 16?
You little devil,
you had me fooled.
- Aren't you even mad?
- I'll handle the mad part.
- I'll help you.
- Well I think it's
time for me to leave,
so good night, everybody.
Good night.
- Good luck, Willis,
and why don't you give me
a call in about four years?
- And Willis, don't
bother callin' me at all.
- Aw Char, let me explain.
Just give me a chance.
If you stop and let
me talk to you, I can...
- Oh you couldn'ta
come at a better time.
Here.
- That'll be $6.50.
- My treat!
- And that's the
whole ugly story, Dad.
I was just so flattered
to have someone
in their 20s interested in me.
- I understand that feeling.
- You got a little anchovy.
- I don't understand
you, Willis, a fake ID.
By the way, hand me that.
I don't think you know
how serious this is.
What you did was very dumb.
- Remember, Dad, you're
dealing with the Duke of Dumb.
- All I wanted to use it
for, Dad, was to listen
to that new wave group.
I didn't buy a
drink or anything.
- It doesn't matter.
Just carrying it is
a punishable crime.
- I've already been punished.
Monique knows I'm 16, and
Charlene knows I'm a jerk.
- And I knew both of those
things a long time ago.
- I better go call Charlene.
At least she can't throw
pizza over the phone.
- Yeah.
- So Dad, now that we're
alone, can you tell me
about that foxy young
chick you've been seeing?
- What foxy young chick?
- Willis saw ya at the club.
- Oh that foxy young chick.
I'll tell you about it when
you're older, Arnold.
- Is this old enough?
♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum
♪ What might be right for
you, may not be right for some
♪ A man is born,
he's a man of means
♪ Then along come two,
they got nothin' but their jeans
♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Yes it does
♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world
♪ Hmm
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