Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 5, Episode 23 - Romeo and Juliet - full transcript

Arnold is excited about auditioning for the role of Romeo in the school play "Romeo & Juliet" until he finds out that his nemesis, Lisa, got the role of Juliet.

♪ Now the world don't move

♪ To the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for you

♪ May not be right for some

♪ A man is born,

♪ He's a man of means

♪ Then along come two,

♪ They got nothing
but their jeans

♪ But they got different strokes

♪ It takes different strokes

♪ It takes different
strokes to move the world



♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story

♪ Everybody finds a way to shine

♪ It don't matter
that you got not a lot

♪ So what, they'll have
theirs and you'll have yours

♪ And I'll have mine

♪ And together we'll be fine

♪ 'Cause it takes different
strokes to move the world

♪ Yes it does, it
takes different strokes

♪ To move the world ♪

- Arnold, get rid of that gum
or I'm telling Miss Chung.

- Lisa, you don't scare me.

You scare me.

- Is there a problem, Arnold?

- No, no problem, Miss Chung.



Just discussing
today's assignment

with my good, dear friend, Lisa.

Right, dear friend?

- Right.

Miss Chung, Arnold
is chewing gum.

- Arnold, please get rid of it.

- If I kill Lisa, no jury
would convict me.

- Class, instead of the
usual term paper for English,

we're going to put on a
play by William Shakespeare.

I'm sure you all know about him.

- Isn't he the guy who
writes funny English

and everybody runs around
in their long underwear?

- I guess you
could put it that way.

We'll be doing a few
romantic scenes that we'll call

Great Moments from
Romeo and Juliet.

How many girls
would like to audition

for the part of Juliet?

Very good.

Now how many boys would
like to try out for Romeo?

You, Robbie?

- Sure, I'm the natural
choice, Miss Chung.

I've got charm, wit, personality,
and I'm very well-spoken.

- Yes, I can see that.

Surely there are other boys
who are interested in acting.

Well,

think it over.

We'll have auditions
tomorrow after class.

These are the
scenes we'll be reading

so even if you're
not going to try out,

your English assignment
is to read them.

- You, Romeo?

That's a joke.

Romeo should be a handsome,
debonair dude, like me.

Miss Chung, I'd like
to audition for the part.

- Oh, that's wonderful, Dudley.

Those of you who want to
audition please sign up here.

- Well, I'll see you
two Romeos later.

Don't rip your pants
climbing up to the balcony.

- Arnold, wouldn't
you like to sign up too?

- No thanks, Miss
Chung, me as a Romeo?

That's a laugh.

- It sure is.

- Yeah.

It's not that funny.

- Who'd believe you as Romeo?

Juliet couldn't be that hard up.

- That's a good one.

- She's got you there, Arnold.

- Oh yeah?

I'd make a better Romeo
than either of you two bozos.

- Well there's no way
Miss Chung would pick you.

Romeo and Juliet is a
love story, not a comedy.

- One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

- Pearl.

- Just a minute, I think
I'm beginning to feel it

in my bones.

- Pearl, what are you doing?

- I'm invited to this
singles dance tonight

so I wanted to learn
the latest disco steps.

- Pearl, I never knew
you were into dancing.

- Well, it's a way to
blow off some steam.

You know, have a
few laughs, meet a few

single, unattached,
desperately lonely men.

- Boy, that girl bugs me.

- What's goin' on?

- She's the pits, she's the
worst, she's driving me crazy.

- Ah-Ha, Lisa.

- What did she do
this time, Arnold?

- Miss Chung asked me
if I wanted to play Romeo

in our class play, and
everybody practically

busted a gut laughing.

Especially Lisa.

- Aw, what does she know?

- Ah, maybe she's right.

Even with a mustache,
I'm no Tom Selleck.

- Well, Arnold, the real Romeo
wasn't any Tom Selleck either

he was just a school boy,
not much older than you are.

- Really?

You mean he was just an
ordinary teenager with pimples

and everything?

- That's right.

I think he went to Verona High.

See, the thing that
made him so special

was his great and
poetic capacity for love.

When he thought
his Juliet was dead,

he took his own life.

His passion was so strong,
nothing could keep him

from his beloved Juliet.

Not parentS, not society,

not even death.

- Daddy, that's beautiful.

- Thank you.

- Don't worry, Arnold
man, you got what it takes.

You'll make a great Romeo.

- You think so?

- Sure, Arnold, go for it.

- You'll be perfect, son,
you're a warm, loving person

with charm and humor.

- Well, can't argue
with logic like that.

Okay, I'll go out for Romeo.

And when I get through,
they'll call that play

Romeo and What's-her-name.

- What's in a name?

That which we call a
rose. by any other name

would smell as sweet.

So Romeo would, were
he not Romeo called.

- Thank you Marsha,
that was very nice.

- I hope she gets the part.

I don't know why but I've
got a thing for redheads.

We'd make a perfect couple.

- Right, beauty and the beast.

- Girls, you all read very well

and we're going to
find parts for everyone

but unfortunately, there
can only be one Juliet,

and since she gave
the best reading

the part of Juliet will
be played by Lisa Hayes.

Congratulation Lisa.

- Why thank you Miss
Chung, I'll do everything I can

to live up to the trust that
you have bestowed upon me.

- Thank you
girls for trying out.

We'll be reading for the
part of Romeo next boys.

- Well, looks like
one of you guys

is gonna be lucky enough to
play opposite a real actress.

- Lisa as Juliet.

I'd really kill myself
at the end of the play.

- Maybe we can find
someone else to play Romeo.

- Yeah, but where are
we gonna find someone

who is dumb enough
to play opposite Lisa?

- Hold everything.

Me thinks I wanna try
out for Romeo I prithee.

- Well I'm glad you
changed your mind Arnold.

- This is too good to be true.

- Now let's make
sure he gets the part.

- Ah, I'm gonna show you guys

who's the real
Romeo in this class.

- Then you can go first.

- If you are ready
Arnold, go ahead.

- Okay.

- Anytime you're ready Arnold.

- Right.

Ready?

- And waiting.

- With love's light wings,
did I overperch these walls,

for stony limits
cannot hold love out,

and what love can do
that dares love attempt.

Therefore thy kinsman
are no let to me.

Thank you, losers.

- That was very nice
Arnold, thank you.

Okay Dudley, your turn.

- With love's light

wings, did I o'er

perch

these

walls,

for stony limits

cannot

hold

love,

love out.

Have you heard
enough Miss Chung?

- I think so Dudley, thank you.

Okay Robbie, you're next.

- You were great, really rotten.

- Thanks.

- With love's light wings,
did I overperch these walls,

for stony limits
cannot hold love out.

- Well, it was very close.

But since we can
only have one Romeo,

I'm going to pick Arnold.

- Way to go.

- This is the happiest
day of my life.

- Ours too.

- Congratulations Arnold,
we'll have our first rehearsal

tomorrow after school.

- I'll be there, thou
can depend upon it.

- Goodbye.

- Well, who's the lucky Romeo?

- You'll never guess.

- Oh no, if I'll never
guess it must be you.

- You got it, I got it.

Who's playing my
ever-loving Juliet?

- Who else, me.

- Whatchu talking about Lisa?

- I'm gonna wipe up the
stage with you Arnold.

I take dramatic lessons.

Good night, good night,
parting is such sweet sorrow.

Not bad eh.

- You dirty rats.

You set me up, didn't you?

That's gotta be
the lowest, lousiest,

rottenest trick in the book.

- That's showbiz.

- 'Tis almost morning,
and I would have thee gone,

and yet no further
than a wanton's bird.

- Okay, and now you kiss her.

- With my lips?

- That's usually
the way it's done.

- How about if I
just throw her a kiss.

- Romeo would never
throw Juliet a kiss.

Especially a Juliet
as desirable as me.

- Go on Arnold.

- But Miss Chung, I'm a minor.

Aren't there child kissing
laws or something?

- Look, I'm not too thrilled
about kissing you either,

twinkie breath.

I'm willing to
suffer for my art.

- Arnold there's
nothing personal in this,

now let's get on
with the rehearsal.

- Oh, all right.

Can I wear wax lips?

- Quit stalling Arnold.

- Plant it there.

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Miss Chung, this is
impossible, he can't act.

- Who was acting?

- Arnold, you don't
know the first thing

about playing Romeo.

- Sure I do, the first
thing is to get a Juliet

that doesn't look like Godzilla.

- You should talk moon face.

- Moon face?

- Children, children,
please, please, please.

Okay, let's forget about
the scene for now, okay.

Let's go on to
another great moment

in the love affair between
Romeo and Juliet.

- Pearl, you didn't mention

how the discoing
went last night.

Well, it was the best dance

my girlfriends and
I have ever been to.

We danced the legs off the
one poor guy that showed up.

- Well look who's
here, Romeo Junior.

Hey man, how'd your
first rehearsal go with Lisa?

- Terrible, not only
do I have to kiss her

but she takes acting lessons.

She's gonna wipe
up the stage with me.

- Now don't be so sure Arnold.

Lisa's not the only one
who takes acting lessons.

I take drama at school
and I can show you

how to use the method
acting technique.

- Arnold, the only
technique you need,

is to gaze deep into
Juliet's eyes and say,

hey babe, get
down off that balcony

and let the good times roll.

- Now Arnold, the most
important thing about acting

is to be able to project
yourself into another character.

Method acting can
help you do that.

- Oh really, how does it work?

- Uh, well, one
way is to pretend

you're something outrageous,

like the other day in class

we all pretended we were dogs.

- Kimberly, were
doing Romeo and Juliet

not Lassie Come Home.

- I know it sounds weird
Arnold but it really works.

Come on, try it, I'll show you.

- Okay, I guess I have
nothing to lose but my dignity.

Okay, I'm a dog, arf arf.

- That's not
gonna cut it Arnold.

You really have to try to
become a dog, like this.

- Hi kids.

- A simple hello
would have done it.

What's going on?

- Uh, we're
practicing being dogs.

- Oh, well maybe I can help.

Here, fetch.

- I think that's
enough dog for today.

I don't wanna be the kind Romeo

that hangs around fire hydrants.

- Tell me something,

what have dogs got
to do with Romeo?

- I was just showing Arnold

some of the basics
of method acting.

- Method acting?

For Shakespeare?

Oh honey, I don't think
it would sound right

if Romeo said,

hey you Juliet,

what's da light
uh breakin through

yonder window there, huh?

- I was only trying to help.

I can just see you're obviously
not ready for the method.

- You know, now I'm confused.

Between Willis and
Kimberly, I'll be playing Romeo

as a jive-talking basset hound.

- Arnold it's really
not so difficult.

See the trick to Shakespeare is

understanding the
poetry in the language.

Is this your script here?

- Yeah.

- Well maybe I can help you,

I played Romeo in prep school.

- Hey, hey, you must
of been real romantic.

- Well not really, it
was an all-boys school,

and the lovely Juliet was
played by Butch Malone.

You know it's funny,
after all these years

I still remember these lines.

Come on, I'll be Juliet.

- Wait a minute, I
never thought of Juliet

with the receding hairline.

- Come on.

Hey use this, this'll
be the balcony, okay?

- All right.

- Ready?

- Ready.

- Romeo, Romeo,
wherefore art thou Romeo.

- I taketh thee

at thy word,

call me but, uh.

- Call me but love and
I'll be new baptized.

Henceforth I never
will be Romeo.

- Yeah dad, that's
what I was gonna say.

- Poor Arnold, I hope he
doesn't get stage fright.

- He doesn't have to, I've
got enough for all of us.

- There's nothing
to worry about,

with all the coaching
we gave him.

- That's probably
why he's worried.

- Oh I just love opening
nights, don't you?

- Yeah, and the smell
of the grease paint,

the roar of my stomach.

- What's the matter
Arnold, got cold feet?

- Only because these tights
are cutting off my circulation.

- Well as we show people
say on opening night,

break a leg.

- And I hope it's yours.

- Good evening
ladies and gentlemen,

I'm miss Chung and
I'd like to welcome you

to our sixth grade play.

Today we are pleased to present

our way-off-Broadway production

of great moments
from Romeo and Juliet.

- In fair Verona where
we lay on our scene.

- A pair of star-crossed
lovers take their life.

- The fearful passage of
their death-marked love.

- Is now the two-hour
traffic of our stage.

- But don't worry, ours
only lasts half an hour.

- Romeo, my cousin Romeo.

- He ran this way and
leapt this orchard wall.

- Go then, for it is in
vain to seek him here

that means not to be found.

- Can I go forward
when my heart is here?

But soft,

what light through
yonder window breaks.

It is the east, and
Juliet is the sun.

Juliet.

Oh Juliet,

what light Juliet.

- Looks like Sarah
Heartburn has frozen up.

- Juliet, wherefore
art thou Juliet.

It's Romeo coming at ya.

- I can't do it.

- What thou talketh
about, Juliet?

- Keep going.

- Uh, Juliet I think
you were going to say,

Romeo, Romeo,
wherefore art thou Romeo,

weren't you?

I thought so.

And then I think you
were going to say,

deny thy father
and refuse thy name

or if thou wilt not,
be but sworn my love

and I'll never be a...

Juliet?

Call me but love and
I'll be new baptized.

Henceforth I never
will be Romeo.

Now if Juliet were here
I'm sure she would say

what man art thou that
thus be screened by night,

so stumblest on my counsel.

That is if Juliet were here.

- It'll be all right
dear, you'll do fine.

- No I won't.

- Yes you will.

- Hark, here she comes again.

So, what's new Juliet?

I think you're going to say,

'tis almost morning, I
would have thee gone

and yet no farther

- Than a wanton's bird.

- She speaketh.

- A wanton's bird.

- Who lets it hop.

- Who lets it hop a
little from her hand.

- Like.

- Like a poor prisoner
in his twisted gyves,

and with the silk thread
plucks it back again,

so loving-jealous
of his liberty.

- I would I were thy bird.

- Sweet, so would I.

Yet I should kill the
with much cherishing.

Good night, good night,
parting is such sweet sorrow

that I shall say good
night till it be morrow.

- Ah, dear Juliet,

I will stay with thee

and never from this palace
of dim night depart again.

Here's to my love.

Oh true apothecary,

thy drugs are quick.

Thus with a kiss

I die

- oh, what's here closed
in my true love's hand?

Poison I see, have
been his timeless end.

I will kiss thy lips.

This is thy sheath.

There rust and let me die.

- For never was a story of
more woe than this of Juliet.

- And her Romeo.

- That was wonderful.

You really saved the day Arnold.

- Ah, thanks Miss Chung.

- Way to go Arnold.

- I wasn't bad was I?

- Arnold, we're so proud
of you, you were terrific.

- You were good, great Arnold.

- Oh Arnold, that was beautiful.

That death was really moving.

- Yeah, you really
died up there.

- Arnold, Miss Chung
says I should thank you

for saving me up
there so, thank you.

- Aw, that's okay,

it's nothing any other
professional actor

wouldn't have done.

- Excuse me kids,
I'm Jerry Werther.

You know my son
Kenny is in your class.

- Hello.
- Hi.

- Hi, I just wanted to tell you

how wonderful you were tonight.

- Thank you.
- Thanks.

- I'm a casting director,
and I'd be very interested

in using you in
some commercials.

- Oh, that would be great.

- Oh no, I meant the young lady.

- Her?

- May I see you for a minute?

- See I told you I was a
better actor than you are.

- I can't believe it.

- Me think showbiz worketh
in strange ways, Romeo.

- It sure does.

Instead of saving Juliet's butt,

I should've kicked
it off the balcony.

♪ Now the world don't move

♪ To the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for you

♪ May not be right for some

♪ A man is born

♪ He's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They've got
nothing but their jeans

♪ But they got different strokes

♪ It takes different strokes

♪ It takes different strokes

♪ To move the world, yes it does

♪ It takes different
strokes to move the world

♪ Hmm

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