Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 1, Episode 8 - Retrospective - full transcript

♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some

♪ A man is born
he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans

♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Yes, it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪

Hey.



What's the big idea?
Turn it off, come on.

Sorry, guys.

Oh, man, I gotta get
some sleep, Mr. Drummond.

I got a big ice hockey game
in the morning, in the park.

I'm sorry I woke you up, guys.

I'll tell you what happened.

I was just about to go to sleep,
when I realized something.

You had to go to the bathroom.

No.

What's going on in here? I
need to get my beauty sleep.

You really gonna
sleep that long?

I'm glad you're here, Kimberly.

I was just about to tell the boys how
great the old year's been for this family.

You guys have been living with
Kimberly and me now for exactly 56 days,



56 of the happiest
days of our lives.

That's right.

Same for us, Mr. D.

We have everything
a family could want.

Except one thing.

What's that? Some sleep.

Good night, folks. Good night.

All right.

It's kind of scary, though, to realize
how close I came to losing you fellas.

You remember the day you
came here? The very first day.

Remember?

I'm very good with doors.

Aha! You're here.

Welcome, gentlemen.

You're talking to us? Of course.

How about that, Willis?

Downtown two minutes,
and already, we're gentlemen.

Come in. Come in.

Mmm-mmm!

This is some place.

Be careful of my goldfish.
His name's Abraham.

I've never seen a
black goldfish before.

That's okay, he never saw a
rich white man before, either.

If Abraham looks like he's dead,
don't worry. He's just sleeping.

My ex-husband had
the same problem.

Oh, excuse me, boys.

Hi, sweetheart. Hello, Daddy.

Oh, they're here...

Oh, look at them,
Daddy, just look at them.

Aren't they gorgeous? Real boys.

Welcome, little brother.

Welcome, big brother.

What's she smoking?

Boys, this hurricane that just
blew in is my daughter, Kimberly.

This is Arnold and
this is Willis, Kimberly.

Hi, there. Hi.

Hi, metal mouth.

Oh, Daddy, isn't this delicious?

We've just met and already he's
insulting me like a real brother.

By the way, guys, stay out of
my room or I'll punch you out.

You know something,
I always wanted a son.

And now I've got two of
them. I'm a very lucky man.

Ok guys I'm going to
leave you alone to unpack.

Ahhhh... color TV,
stereo, our own cook,

Man Willis, I think we
died and went to heaven.

Well come off those
clouds little brother.

- Huh?
- Don't get too use to this
place.

What you talking about Willis?

Arnold, it aight us that
died and went to heaven,

It's Mama and Papa.
- I'm sorry Willis.

We don't belong in this
place. We aight staying here.

But Willis, how many kids
like us get a chance like this?

Don't you realise we have
everything going for us now?

Forget it. Come 7 o'clock
tomorrow morning, you and me are

going back to Harlem
where we belong.

Willis,

there's something I
want to say to you.

You didn't even give yourself
a chance to get to know us.

The only thing I'm guilty of is trying to
make you and your brother feel at home.

Yeah, Mr. Drummond's
Santa Claus,

and you're treating
him like our old landlord.

Toys and money ain't family.

That's right, Willis, toys
and money ain't family.

Family is love and caring.

Maybe I overdid it,

but I did it because I
cared about your mother,

and now, I care about you.

But caring has to be
a two-way proposition,

and you're not even
willing to meet us halfway.

The worst part of it is, you're
only thinking about yourself.

You're not even
considering your brother.

You're just being
selfish, Willis.

Willis...

Not one word out of you, Arnold.

Does this count as a word?

If Mama was alive,

you would've got a lot
worse than a raspberry.

What you talking about?

We're here because
before Mama died,

she asked Mr. Drummond
to take care of us.

Do you think she'd send us to live
with somebody who didn't want us?

I'd do what you
tell me to do, Willis,

but you've been a sourpuss
from the minute we got here.

Mr. Drummond's right.

You're not being fair to
me or you or him. Or Mama.

Willis.

I been sitting here
soaking and thinking.

Does that mean I can say,

"Welcome aboard, Son"?

Yeah.

I got it right this time.

Yeah, you did.

This tub works pretty good?
- Yeah

We can all learn
something from eachother.

I wasn't trying or
thinking of Arnold.

Hey, I can't tell you
how proud I am of you

and how glad I am that
you are staying, Willis.

Yeah, but just
remember, Mr. Drummond,

that front door is always
open any time I want to leave.

That's right, Willis. Harlem
is just a limousine ride away.

I'm sure glad we
stayed, Mr. Drummond.

Yeah. And if we can get
some sleep, I'll be even gladder.

Okay, lights out.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Garrett.

Hi, Mrs. Garrett.

I was going to complain
about noisy tenants,

but I see the
landlord is one of 'em.

We were just reminiscing about
when the boys joined the family.

That's when I joined you. Right.

What a surprise.

Without even a husband,
I suddenly had three kids.

You weren't as surprised as
Grandma was when she met the boys.

Right, Daddy?

Oh, I will never forget that.

It's so good to see you, Mother.

Let's both sit down.

All right.

There's something
I want to tell you.

Oh? Yes.

There has been quite
a big change in my life.

I have two sons now.

Two sons?

You... You got married
and didn't invite me?

No. No. I'm not married.

Oh, you little devil, you!

You mean it's one of those
modern arrangements?

No, no. Not that, either.

Oh?

You see, my two boys are...

Yes?

Well, they're...

Maybe you better just see them for
yourself, and make up your own mind.

Arnold. Willis.

You're just gonna
love them, Mother.

They're bright,
delightful, full of fun.

They're a wonderful
addition to our family.

Mother, these are my
two boys, Willis and Arnold.

What a pleasant surprise.

Now, that's what
I call a surprise.

Now, you just relax,
Grandma, we'll take care of you.

Now, we know all
about old ladies.

We got lots of them in Harlem.

Oh, you dummy.

You don't remind old
ladies that they're old ladies.

They already know
they're old ladies.

Well, they called mama an old lady
and she worked till the day she died.

Mr. Drummond's mother never
did a lick of work in her whole life.

I beg to correct you, young man.

I'll have you know I worked
as a volunteer during the war.

Is that the one the South lost?

Here's you tea Mrs. Drummond,
and some little butter cookies.

Mrs. Garret, where did those
come from? You got a new hiding

place for the cookies?
- Yes I found a good place

besides your mouth.

Will you join me in a
cup of tea children?

Yeah I'll have a shot.
- Yeah you can shoot me too.

Is this imported tea?
- Oh yes Ma'am.

It came all the
way from the Bronx.

Oooh -Now you done it stupid.

No I didn't. I can't drink
with one pinkie sticking out.

Stay where you are Mrs.
Drummond. I'll have you sponged

off in a jiffy.
- An $800 suit ruined.

It didn't do my jocket
shorts any good either.

Because your own son want
you to be a part of his own family.

Now the choice is yours mother.
- Oh well... I didn't mean to be
a snob.

I... I'll try to change. But it
isn't easy to break old habits.

You can do it. It
shouldn't be so difficult

for someone as loving
and as kind as you are.

And we'll help you.
Wont we children?

Sure Grandma. We all need
you and love you very much.

Don't we guys.
- Yeah. I guess I can try.

Yeah me too. I never had
a white Grandma before.

Yeah, you guys sure won
my mother over in a hurry.

Which gives me a great idea.

What about writing her a letter
on that typewriter she gave you?

Sure. And I'll tell her how
you're keeping us awake.

Okay, I can take a hint.

And, Willis, you
can tell Grandma

thanks for the terrific
ski jacket she gave me.

Okay.

I thanked her for the
French perfume she sent me.

I already got results.

What does that
mean, Mrs. Garrett?

Oh, while at the market, while
I was squeezing the tomatoes,

the manager was
trying to squeeze me.

Hey, you know what else
would be a terrific idea?

Write a thank you note to the
Thompsons for their present.

Yeah. You guys almost ended
up living with them instead of us.

Yeah.

Hey, don't lay that one on me.

Blame the engineer up
there with the one-track mouth.

What you talkin' about?

That was one of the worst days of my
life, the day that social worker came here.

Mine, too.

Sorry to keep you
waiting, Mr. Drummond.

Yeah. We would
have been here sooner,

but we were up there
counting our blessings.

Boys, there is someone
here I want you to meet.

This is Arnold. And
this is Willis Jackson.

Boys, this is Ms. Aimsly, a social worker,
who's come to pay our happy home a visit.

How do you do? I'm happy Willis.

And I'm delirious Arnold.

Charmed, I'm sure.

You're Arnold. You're Willis.

Yes, ma'am.

We also got a happy
goldfish named Abraham.

And he's the only
goldfish we ever saw laugh.

Happy children
making happy jokes.

So you boys are really
happy living here?

If this was heaven,
I'd kill myself tomorrow.

Tell me why you're crying.

Nevermind.

Oh now come on Arnold.
We've always been straight.

You know, brother
to brother right?

Yeah.
- And now that Mama and Papa have
died we gatta look out for

eachother.
- I know.

Arnold, when you hurt, I hurt.
Now stop crying and tell me

what's bugging you.

Mr. Drummond said we
belong with the black family.

I heard him telling Mrs.
Garrett. He said black children

belong with black families.
- Are you sure he said that?

I heard him. My
ears aren't painted on.

Arnold, why would he say a think
like that? You know he likes us.

It doesn't make sense.
- I wouldn't lie to you Willis.

What I heard is what I heard.

And all this time I thought there
was one dude that was color blind.

What are we going to do
Willis? Don't worry about it.

I'm your big brother
and i'll take care of it.

Oh, yes. Yes, of course. Willis? Arnold?
Would you come down here, please?

Oh, Jeffrey, look at
the darling little one.

This darling little
one is my goldfish.

I'm the darling next size up.

Boys, I want you to meet
Mr. and Mrs. Thompson.

This is Arnold.
And this is Willis.

Hello, Arnold, Willis.

Hi. How do you do?

And they're simply
marvelous boys.

I'm in love with them already.

Well, we're packed and
ready to make tracks.

Yeah, well, tell us something
about yourselves. How old are you?

Eight, trying for nine.

I'm 13. Trying
to get out of here.

Well, I know we're going to
make one big happy family.

I'm sure.

As I told you yesterday, Mr. Drummond,
black children belong with black families.

You said that?

That's right.

You said Mr. Drummond said that.

He did say it. What do
you want, an instant replay?

Hold it, boys. What did I say?

You said that black children
belong with black families.

I heard you say it.

You boys started all this
because you thought...

Arnold, you little... Dummy.

Thank you, Willis.

Come here, Arnold.

Oh, Arnold, you only overheard
a part of the conversation.

I was merely repeating what this
rather opinionated lady here said.

I am not opinionated.

I was merely repeating
what the computer said.

You can tell your computer
to go suck a lemon.

Willis.

Arnold, what you did
was a very natural mistake.

I mean, sometimes people
hear a part of a conversation,

and they jump to
the wrong conclusion.

Why, when I was only nine,
I overheard my father talking,

and I was sure he
wanted to sell me.

How much did he get for you?

No, it wasn't me, it
was just some stock.

But I learned a very
important lesson.

Misunderstandings do occur.

But see, when you love someone,

well, then, you discuss it first
before you do anything about it.

Do you hear that, lame brain?

Yeah, I heard.

I guess there's only one thing
bigger than my ears. My mouth.

Mr. Drummond, will you
take me and shorty here back?

Willis, if you boys had left, I was
thinking about leaving with you.

Yeah.

I know how to keep
Arnold's mouth out of trouble.

How about fillin' it with some hot
chocolate, ice cream and cake?

Thanks, Mrs. Garrett, but I'm afraid
the boys have to get some sleep.

They've got a hockey
game tomorrow.

Who, us?

I just remembered, I sleep
better on a full stomach.

Now, he tells us.

Do you remember the time Arnold
couldn't sleep and kept us all awake

for two whole nights?

What you talkin'
about, Kimberly?

I'll tell you what
you talkin' about.

When Willis gave your doll Homer
away to Kimberly's charity drive at school.

Oh.

Don't remind us.

Hi, Willis. What's new?

Isn't it about time you
stopped sneakin' around?

I wasn't sneakin' around.

I thought I heard
mice in my socks.

It's about time you stopped
sleepin' with that doll.

Me sleepin' with
a doll? What doll?

Where do you see a doll?

Right here. You're
sleepin' with this doll.

Are you accusin' me of
sleepin' in that drawer?

You're the only one
in the family who could.

Look at this ratty, old thing.

You tryin' to tell me
I'm dreamin' this?

I'm givin' it my best shot.

Kimberly is
collecting old things

for her charity
sale at her school.

Yeah. I'm counting on you guys

to donate something
you don't need.

Will you take Willis?

I have an old pair of
sneakers you could have.

They're so old they
ran out of sneak.

Come on Arnold, there must be
something you want to get rid of.

Yeah I'd like to give some poor
deserving kid my next two years

of school.

Hey, Arnold, what about that
beat-up doll you sleep with?

Doll? Who sleeps
with a doll? What doll?

And who's got a doll?

The one you keep
in the dresser drawer.

The one with the yellow hat.

Nobody knows, huh?

You told. I didn't
open my mouth.

Then your mouth
has a real bad leak.

It's gone. Where
is it? It's not in here.

It's gone! We've
been robbed! Robbers!

Huh? We been
ripped off! Robbers!

Robbers? Where?

Don't touch nothin'.

You'll mess up the
fingerprints. They got Homer.

Homer?

Arnold, you little dummy.

Don't "dummy" me, they're
holding my doll for ransom.

Boys, what's the matter here?

Somebody stole my doll.

Would you cool it Arnold.
You know Homer aint missing.

What are you talking about?

Willis gave me
Homer for charity.

Who said you could
give my doll away?

Now, Arnold, this morning at
breakfast, in front of everybody,

you said that you
were a big boy now

and that you were
giving Homer up.

Don't you guys know when a little
kid is bluffin' to save his reputation?

Arnold, you're gonna end up
a 35-year-old man with a wife,

two kids, and a doll?

You can have my
wife and two kids.

I just want my doll!

Arnold, Arnold, this is
easily solved. Kimberly...

Yes, yes, I am very
concerned about Arnold doctor.

I know what you told me, that
he would eventually fall asleep,

But that was two days ago.

The rest of us are falling
apart, Arnold is just fine.

My daughter is getting
wrinkles, she is only thirteen.

Yes I'll call you later
doctor if we survive,

If not, Arnold will
call you. Goodbye.

What did the doctor say?
- Same as before.

Not to worry, Arnold will
eventually fall asleep on his own.

I have this horrible feeling
that he'll be collecting

Social security by then.
- Well I had an idea.

I've hired a private detective.

This kid doesn't miss a trick.

Well, did you find
him? Did you find him?

Miles Monroe always
gets his doll, kid.

Well, isn't there anything you
want to say to Mr. Monroe, Arnold?

Yeah. This ain't my doll.

What are you
talking about, Arnold?

This ain't Homer.

Aha, it looks like Homer to me.

It looks like Homer,
but it ain't Homer.

Oh, Arnold, how can you tell?

When a guy sleeps with a doll
for eight years, he gets to know.

Tough luck, Drummond.

Guess that's 200
clams down the old toilet.

Well, thanks anyway.

Stop by my office tomorrow and my
secretary will have a check for you.

And I'm sorry about the kid.

That's the trouble with
being a private eye.

I get so emotionally
involved with the kids.

You're right, Arnold.

This isn't your doll and I'm
sorry that I tried to trick you.

I only did it because it's
impossible to find Homer again,

and we're all so worried
because you hadn't slept.

Homer's gone forever.

Listen, Arnold,

I know it's hard, but
sometimes in life,

we have to say
goodbye to things.

Even things that we love a lot.

That's part of growing up.

But you don't
have to have a doll

or anything else to
hold onto to feel secure,

and to help you go to sleep.

You're surrounded by
people who love you.

And that's the greatest
security there is.

He's asleep.

He's asleep.

It's good. Yeah, I'm good.

If anyone wants
some more, speak up.

We will.

You won't have to worry
about me sleepin' tonight.

Hey, what's this in the freezer?

Oh, that's my hockey puck.

You guys'll eat anything.

Why did you put your hockey
puck in the freezer, Willis?

Well, freezing it keeps it from
bouncing on the ice when you play.

What keeps you from
bouncing on the ice?

Funny.

Hey, one member of our
family ain't here eating with us.

Who's that?

My goldfish, Abraham.

I'll fix him a little doggy bag.

Abraham certainly is a
member of the family, all right.

Who would have ever
thought that a goldfish

could become so
involved in family affairs?

Remember that little
incident with Abraham, fellas?

Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

This ain't no justice, Abraham.

Sit up, Willis.

Mr. Drummond said I can't
go to the skateboard contest

'cause he thinks I put
Abraham in his hot tub,

but I didn't do it.

Ain't that a crock?

Yeah, it sure is.

I never wanna be eight years
old again in my whole life.

What's the use of being good if
Mr. Drummond don't believe me?

You know, that's
exactly what I expected.

Him with all that talk
about being innocent

until proven guilty
is so much bull.

Yeah. What am I
gonna do, Willis?

If I miss that skateboard
contest tomorrow,

the rest of my
life is all downhill.

Well, you're not gonna miss that
skateboard contest, Arnold. I promise you.

I wish I could believe you.

Hey, you can.

Hey, haven't I always
taken care of you?

Yeah, I guess so.

Sure.

And when you were
sick, don't I get you well?

And when you're unhappy,
don't I let you blubber all over me?

Yeah, you do, Willis, get
ready for some more blubberin'.

There ain't gonna
be no more blubberin'

'cause I'm gonna get you off
the hook with Mr. Drummond.

How you gonna unhook me?

You'll see.

Hearing Mr. Drummond
talkin' about justice.

I got my own
ideas about justice.

Me and Mr. Drummond are gonna
have ourselves one big showdown.

Mr. Drummond. Yes, Willis?

Remember all that
jive you gave me

about how everybody's innocent

until proven guilty?

That wasn't jive, Willis.

I honestly believe that.

Then how come you
sentenced my brother

without giving him a fair trial?

Well, how much
proof do you need?

Abraham was doing a
breaststroke in my hot tub.

That don't mean I put him there.

That just means my
fish knows how to swim.

Right. You know, Arnold's
entitled to have a fair trial

like it says in this book
you said I should read.

"A fair trial is a
right guaranteed

"to persons of every
race, creed and color."

And I gotta fit in
there somewhere.

Quiet in the courtroom.

Mrs. Garrett, Your
Honor, we're ready.

Everybody, rise.

Looks like she's
dressed for a funeral.

Yeah, mine.

Would you cool it?

Leave it to your mouthpiece.

You may all be seated.

And let's get this
trial over with,

because the judge has two
loads of laundry in the washer.

And I want to see how Daddy
sends Arnold to the slammer.

The prosecuting attorney will
make his opening statement.

Now, Kimberly, I'm
not going to mention

Arnold's earlier bad behavior,

like snatching cookies,
wrecking makeup cases,

and folding legal
documents into airplanes.

I am not even gonna
stoop to mention any of that.

If he ever stoops,
I'm gonna fry.

Now, Kimberly, earlier today,

you heard Arnold mentioning
that his goldfish bowl was too small.

That's right. Good.

He asked for justice
for his goldfish.

And you brushed him off.

Forget it, no more questions.

Willis, your witness.

That's one for our side.

Kimberly,

did you see Arnold put the
goldfish inside the hot tub?

No, I didn't.

That's two for our side.

In other words, you think
Arnold is absolutely innocent.

I wouldn't put
anything past Arnold.

Our side doesn't know
when to shut its big mouth.

Does the defense attorney
have any witnesses?

I'd like to call to the
stand my innocent brother.

Arnold, dear, will
you please stand up?

I am standing.

Oh.

Do you swear to tell the truth?

I been swearin' for the last two
hours, and it ain't done me no good.

Proceed.

Arnold, I am just going to
ask you one simple question.

Did you put Abraham
inside of the hot tub?

No, sir. I'm innocent, I'm
not guilty. And get the picture?

And get the picture?

Your Honor, to sum up my case,

everybody heard
Arnold complaining

about his fish bowl
being too small.

Next, I find his goldfish
swimming in my hot tub,

and finally, who is the only
witness in Arnold's defense?

A moth.

I rest my case.

Willis, while he's restin', you
better get brilliant and save my butt.

Has the defense
attorney got anything

to say on behalf
of Arnold's butt?

I sure do.

Your Honor, look at this face.

Is this the face of a criminal?

No.

Could this face, after givin'
you his word, break his promise?

Never.

Your Honor, my
client is innocent.

Amen!

Yeah.

Tell him, brother. Not guilty!

Set me free. Yeah. Hallelujah!

Hallelujah. Hallelujah.

Okay, guys, what do
you say, we hit the sack?

I'm wanna get up with you
so I can see that hockey game.

Then, I can stay home and sleep.

It figures. You
know, I gotta admit,

I learned somethin' about fair
trials from you that time, remember?

Maybe you'll be a
lawyer one day, Willis.

Oh, he'd be a darn good one.

I wanna be a doctor someday.

Then you will be one.

Then, I can give my brother
the first brain transplant.

What?

Now, listen. Before you
guys can be anything,

you've gotta get a good
education in school.

Did you have to mention
school while we're eating?

Next, Daddy will be telling
us about the good old days

at his Alma Mater, Digby Prep.

No, I won't be doing that,
Kimberly. To my regret,

the good old days at Digby Prep
aren't the good old days anymore.

I learned that,
thanks to the boys.

That was sure some hassle.

What was? Oh.

When you tried to get that
headmaster, Mr. Bordinay,

to accept Arnold
and Willis into Digby.

♪ You beautiful doll

♪ You great, big
beautiful doll ♪

Don't you look
wonderful, Willis.

But why the sunglasses?

So nobody recognizes me.

You know, if I went to a school
looking like this in Harlem,

I'd get mugged by the principal.

Arnold, you look very handsome.

Yes, I do.

I must say, Mrs. Garrett,
clothes do make the man.

Oh, these outfits are too much.

Hi.

How do I look?

Fits you like a glove.

Arnold's glove.

I had this outfit locked
in a trunk for 30 years.

Too bad it escaped.

Mr. Bordinay, these are my boys.

This is Willis.
And this is Arnold.

I trust you received
their records.

We ain't got any records.

We ain't even been
picked up for questioning.

School records, Arnold.

Now, why don't you
two boys run upstairs

and get changed into
something more suitable for Digby.

Oh, we'll try to change
into two white boys.

Good afternoon, Mr. Drummond.

Oh! Are the boys home yet?

Do you see the floor covered with
comic books and cookie crumbs?

The boys aren't home yet.

Had a great time at lunch today.

Ran into Stinky Rogers.

Oh! With a name like
that, I'd walk around him.

He's an old school chum.

We reminisced about the school.

We even did the
old school cheer.

What is it? Oh, it's nothing.

Do it. No, I couldn't.

Okay.

Well, if you want to hear it...

Digby, Digby, win the game.

Put the other team to shame.

All around they know our name.

Digby, Digby, Digby!

Oh. I think I hurt myself.

They should change
that "Digby, Digby, Digby"

to "Hernia, Hernia, Hernia."

Boys, I want to talk to you.

Just one second, Mr. Drummond.

Lay your ears on this.

Digby, Digby, win the game.

Put the other team to shame.

All around they know our name,

Digby, Digby, Digby! Yeah!

Listen, guys, I'm
gonna level with you.

You know those tests
that they gave you?

Yeah.

Your scores were very low.

How low?

I'm afraid too low.

Does that mean we
can't go to Digby?

Let's just face it, Arnold.

We're just plain dumb.

Yeah.

Only you've been dumb
a lot longer than me.

You are not dumb.

Yes, we are, Mr. Drummond.

We let you down.

Don't say that, Willis.

Then I'll say it.

We let you down, Mr. Drummond.

We were trying to
make you so proud of us.

I am proud of you.
Very proud, Willis.

Does that include me?

Come here.

Listen, you guys.

There's no way you let me down.

And you're not dumb.
That's just a lot of...

I'm not gonna say the word.

Is that the word
you won't let us say?

Now listen, you guys.

I know that you're
both very smart.

I don't understand how
they could have failed you.

Something is wrong here.

It must have been all
those trick questions.

What do you mean,
trick questions?

The kind that need answers.

I mean, special answers.

They wanted to know

what does the blindfolded
lady with the scales represent?

Willis, that is the symbol of
our American legal system.

My answer was wrong.

What did you say?

I said the scales meant
she was in the market.

And the blindfold
meant she didn't want

to see the butcher rip her off.

My questions were even
trickier, Mr. Drummond.

Oh, like what?

Like they asked me how many
people could sleep in a house

with three bedrooms, and
a double bed in each room.

Yeah. And what was your answer?

18.

18?

Yeah. We know people who
get three in a bed, two on the floor,

six on the couch, and
one in the bathroom.

And of course, the one
in the bathtub goes crazy

from the water
dripping on his head.

You know something, boys,

for the first time I'm beginning
to understand something.

Me, too. We're dumb.

Now, stop it, Arnold.

No! Those tests are dumb.

They asked you questions
you couldn't possibly relate to.

You want me, the headmaster
of Digby, to take a test?

That's right.

Surely you're joking.

Boys, are we joking?

I don't hear anybody laughing.

Me, either.

The tests you gave my
boys were very unfair,

and we're gonna
prove that to you.

All right, guys.
Start the questions.

Question number one.

If there's no water in the house,
how do you take a shower?

Well, obviously you can't.

Wrong.

You wait for them to
turn on the fire hydrant,

run out on the street
with your underwear.

That's ridiculous.

You're a little out of
touch, Mr. Bordinay. Willis.

If I gave you a brown egg, two
charlies, and a deuce of rust,

what would you have?

I think I'd have a headache.

Wrong.

You'd have $2.21.

In what country?

In the old country.
We call it Harlem.

Harlem.

Really, Mr. Drummond, I
think this is going a little too far.

Oh? You put my boys through
exactly the same experience.

Question number three, Arnold.

Question number three is:

Name three different
kinds of blues.

Three kinds of blue.

Well, there's azure, indigo,

and baby blue.

Wrong.

Where we come from,
the three blues are

low down, barrelhouse
and gut-bucket.

You guys were sure right.

That Mr. Bordinay
was some turkey.

Yeah.

Yeah, and you
roasted him pretty good.

Listen, I've got to get some sleep. I
gotta get up to go to the hockey game.

Look who's talkin'.
You woke us up.

Okay. Okay, okay, I'm guilty.

You know, I wasn't gonna
let you kids stay up this late,

except at the New
Year's Eve party.

Hey, Mr. D, at our party,
can I have some champagne?

Me, too, Daddy.

How about me havin'
a shot of the bubbly?

Oh, I don't think so,
Arnold. You're all too young.

Am I old enough
to smell the cork?

That'll do it for me.

One smell of the cork and
my legs turn into noodles.

Hey, listen, gang. Before we go to bed,
let's help Mrs. Garrett with the dishes.

Okay. Yeah, good idea.

Well, thanks, gang.

Hey, I know how we can have a lot
of fun at our New Year's Eve party.

How?

I never dropped a
water bomb by moonlight.

Disregard I said that.

Arnold, didn't you learn your lesson
about those pranks the last time?

Bombs away.

See you later.

Where you going?
Where you ain't.

I don't wanna be around when
they lay the charge on you.

What charge?

Assault with a wet weapon.

I'll get it, Mrs. Garrett.

Afternoon, Mr. Drummond.

Henry, you got
caught in a shower.

Yes, sir. And the shower
came in a plastic bag.

Uh-oh.

Arnold, where are you?

He's not in there.

Who are you trying to fool?

He's not in there.

He's not?

Arnold, where are you hiding?

Come out and take your
punishment like a man.

Are you standing under the bed?

Daddy, look here. A note.

What?

Hey, everybody. We
found a note from Arnold.

A note? PHILIP: Yeah.

What did it say?

It says, "Willis, please
cover my goldfish at night.

"He can't sleep with the lights on.
I'm running away. I'll miss you all.

"Even Mr. Drummond. Arnold."

Arnold ran away? Why would
my little brother run away?

Oh, my dear. Where could he have gone?
- Where could he be?

Arnold! Where are you?

Arnold! Mr. Drummond!

Imagine seeing you here.

Thank goodness you're all right.

I've been out of my mind
with worry about you.

Well, thank God you're safe. I was
never so glad to see anybody in my life.

Are you really?

Yes, really.

Then, let's have a party.

Well, it's nice to be back
among my loved ones.

We're gonna have a party.

A party?

First things first.

You still have a spanking
coming, because of the water bomb.

You sure do know
how to spoil a party.

Come on, Arnold.

Don't spank me. Please. I
may grow up to be mean.

Come here.

Hold it, Mr. Drummond.

You know, I agree he deserves a spanking,
but you ain't the one to give it to him.

Oh? What do you mean, Willis?

The only one that ever
spanked us was Mama and Papa.

And they're dead.

If anybody's got to spank
Arnold, it's got to be family.

And that's me.

Right on. You spank me, Willis.

You know, Willis, for a
dummy, you're pretty smart.

You sure out-foxed Mr. D.

Here. Whack away on this. It'll
sound just like you're beating my butt.

Come here, Arnold.

Wait till you hear me scream in
pain. They'll think you're murdering me.

Come on, Arnold, let's get it
over with. Spread it on my lap.

Good thinking.

Just in case he peeks in, let's make
it look like the real thing, huh? Huh?

Hey, what you got to hit to
make it sound like my butt?

Your butt. What?

Are you out of your
cotton-picking mind?

Arnold, I hope you don't ever forget
that water bomb lesson you learned.

Don't worry, Mr. Drummond. If my
head forgets, my butt will remind it.

Hey, guys, have a
good hockey game.

- Good night.
- Good night, Kimberly.

Good night, Mr. Drummond.
Good night, boys.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Thanks for your helping
me clean up our party mess.

Any time. Any time.

Hey, guys, I really am sorry
that I kept you up so late,

but I just want you to
know how I felt about you.

We understand, Mr. Drummond.
And we're glad we're livin' here, too.

Yeah. You can even
play with my trains.

Yeah.

But not until tomorrow.

Okay. Good night, guys.

Good night. Good
night, Mr. Drummond.

- Pleasant dreams.
- You, too.

Guess what, Willis?

You got to go to the bathroom.

You guessed.

Go.

♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some

♪ A man is born
he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans

♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Yes, it does It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world ♪