Diff'rent Strokes (1978–1986): Season 1, Episode 7 - The Trial - full transcript

♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some

♪ A man is born
he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans

♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Everybody's got
a special kind of story

♪ Everybody finds a way to shine

♪ It don't matter that you got



♪ Not a lot, so what?

♪ They'll have
theirs you'll have yours

♪ And I'll have mine

♪ And together we'll be fine

♪ 'Cause it takes

♪ Diff'rent Strokes to
move the world, yes, it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
to move the world! ♪

(CROCKERY CRASHING)

I didn't do it! I didn't do it!

Come here, you
little cookie snatcher!

Who, me?

What is going on?

You know that unbreakable
cookie jar on the counter?

What about it? It's breakable.



Arnold, A. Were you snatching
cookies without permission?

And B. Did you
break the cookie jar?

A. I don't remember,
and if you don't believe A,

there's no sense messin' with B.

The evidence is against you.

You've got cookie
crumbs up to your elbow.

That's last week's crumbs.

Are you tellin' me you haven't
taken a bath since last week?

Sure I took a bath, I
just didn't de-crumb.

What am I missing down here?

Willis, they're
gangin' up on me.

You ain't big enough
to be gung up on.

He may be small,
but he's the giant

economy size when
it comes to trouble.

Arnold, how many times are
you going to keep doing something

and have to be told not to?

Are you referring to this
not-to or past not-to's?

You know what I'm referring to,

and this had better
be the end of it.

Yes, sir.

Don't worry, Mr. Drummond,
I'll see that Arnold minds.

(SNICKERING) Terrific.

That's like having Jesse
James keep tabs on Billy the Kid.

Well, now that
we've got that settled,

I can get back to my litigation.

Hey, Mr. Drummond,
what's litigation?

Well, litigation is
a legal term, Willis.

You see, I have several
business interests,

and there's a disagreement about
how one of them is being managed,

so I have to go to court.

You might say litigation
is when two people

call each other names
in front of a judge.

Hey, Willis, that's like you and
me do all the time without a judge.

That's not exactly what I meant.

Hey, you know something?

This might be a very
good time for you guys

to learn something about the law

and our system of fair trials.

Oh, we already know about
fair trials, Mr. Drummond.

If you're white and
rich, you get one.

I'm afraid that may be
true sometimes, Willis,

but most of the
time, in this country,

the guilty are punished
and the innocent go free.

Well, if that's true, then,
Harlem ain't a part of America.

I'm sorry that you're
so cynical, Willis.

I'd be cynical, too, if
I knew what it meant.

Hey, it means that
where we come from,

the law gives you two choices,

guilty or not innocent.

I get it.

Willis, our system is
certainly not perfect,

but it's the best
one there is around.

Now, nothing is foolproof,
of course... Mmm-hmm.

But justice is very important.

And when you compare our
system to somebody else's...

Arnold, what are you doing?

Oh, nothin'.

What's that under your nose?

My lip.

Is that supposed to be a
mustache or am I crazy?

The answer to both
questions is yes.

He did it again.

I don't suppose I
need to ask, "Who?"

Look at my makeup kit.

There's cookie crumbs
in my eye shadow,

there's peanut
butter in my powder,

and my mascara brush is missing.

(GRUNTS)

Why are all the eyeballs on me?

Because you're holding my mascara
brush, you little makeup masher.

Now, Arnold, what are you
doing in Kimberly's makeup kit?

I was just trying to look
like Reggie Jackson.

You look more
like his candy bar.

Arnold, you simply
have to learn to have

some respect for
other people's property.

Now, I want you to
stay out of trouble.

All right. But it ain't
my fault I live in a house

where there's so many
things to get in trouble with.

Nevertheless, I want you
to apologize to Kimberly.

Okay, I'm sorry, you big snitch.

Okay. This time.

All right, boys, let's get back

to what we were talking about.

My litigation and our
system of fair trials.

Now, you see, I have to go to...

I have to go to court.

What did you do,
stick it to somebody?

Yeah. No.

I'm just standing up
for what is my right,

and you shouldn't
jump to conclusions.

You see, under our
system of justice,

everybody is innocent
until they're proved guilty.

Right, Kimberly? I guess so.

Sure you guess so.

You come from a penthouse
world, Miss Pigtails.

Arnold, do you have a question or
do you have to go to the bathroom?

Both.

Well, then, I hope
it's a short question.

How come my goldfish
Abraham is in jail?

What are you talking about?

He ain't guilty of anything,

but he lives in a bowl that's so
small he has to eat standing up.

Arnold, when Abraham
complains personally,

I'll get you a bigger bowl.

Yeah, but... Arnold,

if you keep shootin'
off your mouth,

how's Mr. Drummond gonna
brainwash me about fair trials?

Willis, you don't
have a brain to wash.

(CHUCKLING)

Now that we're
friends again, Arnold,

I'd like to leave you
with this one thought.

Yeah?

If you ever set one foot in my
room again, I am gonna cream you.

I mean it.

Willis, I have a
very important book,

a book written for young
people on American justice.

And I want to show it to you.

I think it'll help
change your attitude.

My attitude didn't
come from a book.

It came from seein' what's
happening on the streets.

Come on, Willis.

Hmm.

(HUMMING)

All right, Willis, I'll get you
a pencil and a pad and...

Arnold, those are
my litigation papers.

They make terrific airplanes.

Arnold, you ought to be
wrinkled up like a prune.

You're always in hot water.

Young man, this does it.

I just remembered, I
gotta go to the bathroom.

Arnold, hold it.

I can't!

Not two minutes
ago, you promised that

you would respect
other people's property.

No more Mr. Nice Guy.

Since you can't behave yourself,

this time, you are
going to be punished.

But, Mr... You're not going to

go to that skateboard
competition tomorrow.

Oh, no. Please, not that.

I'll be good, I promise.

I'll be the best eight-year-old
boy in the whole building.

You're the only eight-year-old
boy in the whole building.

See? I'm the best
already. Please, let me go.

Willis built me a special
skateboard with training wheels.

Please, let me go.
Please, please, please.

You know, you could make
a fortune selling real estate.

Come on, Mr. Drummond,
give my poor,

innocent, little baby
brother another chance.

He didn't mean no harm.

Show him some of that
justice you say you believe in.

All right, I'll be very fair.

I'll give you one
more chance, Arnold.

But only one.

Oh, don't worry, Mr. Drummond.

I won't ever be bad again.

For the rest of my life.

Maybe even longer.
Come on, Willis.

(GRUNTS)

Oh, Willis, wait, you forgot
your book on justice and the law.

No point in reading it.

Ain't gonna change
anything in this country.

Willis, I'm afraid you've
got the wrong attitude.

Mr. Drummond, you believe what
you read, but I believe what I see.

I know that, Willis.
No, you don't.

'Cause you'll never
change your mind

unless somebody
proves it to you.

(SIGHS) Okay.

Why's that water so cold?

No wonder.
Somebody turned off...

What in the world is that?

That's Arnold's
goldfish, Abraham.

Arnold!

Arnold!

Arnold? What're you doing?

Nothin'.

Just sitting here waitin' for
dinner and keeping out of trouble.

That's my good boy.

Arnold!

Congratulations, you stayed out
of trouble a whole five seconds.

Arnold, this does it.

What's that in the glass?

It's Abraham!

Mr. Drummond,
please don't drink him.

After you promised to be good,

you turned my hot
tub into a cold tub

and you let Abraham
loose for a swim.

What you talkin' about, Mr. D?

Now, Arnold, don't you make
things worse for yourself. I have had it.

You are not going to
that skateboard contest.

But, Mr. Drummond,
I didn't do it.

I did all those other things,
but this time, I'm clean.

Arnold, when you
do something wrong,

you have to face
up to it like a man.

But I'm not a man, I'm a
little guy, an innocent little guy.

That's what all
guilty little guys say.

Arnold, go to your room.

But, Mr... No "Buts."

You go to your room.

Abraham, Harlem
was never like this.

This ain't no justice, Abraham.

Sit up, Willis.

(EXHALING)

Mr. Drummond said I can't
go to the skateboard contest

'cause he thinks I put
Abraham in his hot tub,

but I didn't do it.

Ain't that a crock?

Yeah, it sure is.

I never wanna be eight years
old again in my whole life.

What's the use of being good if
Mr. Drummond don't believe me?

You know, that's
exactly what I expected.

Him with all that talk
about being innocent

until proven guilty
is so much bull.

Yeah. What am I
gonna do, Willis?

If I miss that skateboard
contest tomorrow,

the rest of my
life is all downhill.

Well, you're not gonna miss that
skateboard contest, Arnold. I promise you.

I wish I could believe you.

Hey, you can.

Hey, haven't I always
taken care of you?

Yeah, I guess so.

Sure.

And when you were
sick, don't I get you well?

And when you're unhappy,
don't I let you blubber all over me?

Yeah, you do, Willis, get
ready for some more blubberin'.

There ain't gonna
be no more blubberin'

'cause I'm gonna get you off
the hook with Mr. Drummond.

How you gonna unhook me?

You'll see.

Hearing Mr. Drummond
talkin' about justice.

I got my own
ideas about justice.

Me and Mr. Drummond are gonna
have ourselves one big showdown.

Mr. Drummond. Yes, Willis?

Remember all that
jive you gave me

about how everybody's innocent

until proven guilty?

That wasn't jive, Willis.

I honestly believe that.

Then how come you
sentenced my brother

without giving him a fair trial?

Well, how much
proof do you need?

Abraham was doing a
breaststroke in my hot tub.

That don't mean I put him there.

That just means my
fish knows how to swim.

Right. You know, Arnold's
entitled to have a fair trial

like it says in this book
you said I should read.

(CLEARS THROAT)

"A fair trial is a
right guaranteed

"to persons of every
race, creed and color."

And I gotta fit in
there somewhere.

A trial, huh? Really, Willis.

Don't you think that's
a little far-fetched?

Well, you started the
whole thing about fair trials.

Isn't Arnold entitled to
get what everybody gets?

Well, yes, of course,
but this is different.

Yeah, 'cause you're rich and
white and Arnold's black and poor.

And my goldfish ain't
doin' so good, either.

Willis, you've got it all wrong.

Well, if you meant
what you said,

I demand a fair
trial for my client.

Your what? My client.

I'll be the attorney
for the defense.

And you can be the prosecutor.

And I'll be the victim.

All right, Willis,

if a trial is what you want, a
trial is what you're gonna get.

All right.

Now, if we're going to have
a trial, boys, we need a judge.

An honest judge.

And if we can't
find an honest one,

how about a dishonest
one who likes to skateboard?

Daddy, I've got a very important
phone call coming in tonight from a boy,

and I'd like to reserve the
telephone between 7:00 and 8:00.

Only one hour? You talk longer
than that when it's a wrong number.

That only happened once.

How about Kimberly
for the judge?

Some judge. Related
to the prosecutor.

What do we need a judge for?

Let's ask Mrs. Garrett
to judge the trial.

Oh, yeah, Mrs. Garrett. Yeah.

Will somebody
tell me what trial?

Mrs. Garrett!

What is it? I'm up to my
neck in artichoke hearts.

We want you to be
the judge at a trial.

What trial? What trial?

We're going to have a trial to
decide whether Arnold is guilty

of putting his goldfish
Abraham in my hot tub.

Is that all?

Arnold, why don't you just
plead temporary insanity?

I ain't crazy enough
to say I did it.

This is a serious
trial, Mrs. Garrett.

Oh, I'm sure Mrs. Garrett
will make a very fair judge.

Right.

I'm not a yes-woman for anyone

and don't forget, good
help is hard to find.

Willis, are you sure you
want to go through with this?

I have all the evidence I need
to prove that Arnold is guilty.

Not all the evidence.
My fish will never talk.

You know, Arnold
says he's innocent,

and we'll just have to see if the
system works like you said it does.

Quiet in the courtroom.

Mrs. Garrett, Your
Honor, we're ready.

Everybody, rise.

Looks like she's
dressed for a funeral.

Yeah, mine.

Would you cool it?

Leave it to your mouthpiece.

You may all be seated.

And let's get this
trial over with,

because the judge has two
loads of laundry in the washer.

And I want to see how Daddy
sends Arnold to the slammer.

The prosecuting attorney will
make his opening statement.

Your Honor, I
intend to prove that

Arnold is guilty of
hot tub sabotage

and to see that he's punished.

I object.

Oh, Arnold, dear, only your
attorney can make an objection.

My attorney can't
even make his bed.

Sit down, I'll handle this.

The defense attorney will now
make his opening statement.

Your Honor, my
client is innocent,

even though he's done a
lot of dumb things in his life.

Your Honor, can I
object to my attorney?

If the court will please, I'd like to
prove that my client is innocent.

The court is pleased.

The prosecuting attorney
can now call his first witness.

Kimberly, take the stand.

Uh-oh.

Oh, don't worry,
she can't hurt us.

I'm not worried about
us, I'm worried about me.

Kimberly, dear,
will you please rise?

Raise your right hand, put
your left hand on this book.

Do you swear to tell the whole
truth and nothing but the truth,

even if this is a
Chinese cookbook?

I do.

You may be seated. Proceed.

Now, Kimberly, I'm
not going to mention

Arnold's earlier bad behavior,

like snatching cookies,
wrecking makeup cases,

and folding legal
documents into airplanes.

I am not even gonna
stoop to mention any of that.

If he ever stoops,
I'm gonna fry.

Now, Kimberly, earlier today,

you heard Arnold mentioning
that his goldfish bowl was too small.

That's right. Good.

He asked for justice
for his goldfish.

(SCOFFS) And
you brushed him off.

Forget it, no more questions.

Willis, your witness.

That's one for our side.

Kimberly,

(CLEARS THROAT) did you see
Arnold put the goldfish inside the hot tub?

No, I didn't.

That's two for our side.

In other words, you think
Arnold is absolutely innocent.

I wouldn't put
anything past Arnold.

Our side doesn't know
when to shut its big mouth.

That will be all, traitor.

Will the traitor... Witness
please step down?

(PHONE RINGING)

That's for me. I'll
get it in the kitchen.

I'll see you on
visitor's day, Arnold.

Let's get this trial moving.

The judge's laundry
is in the spin cycle.

Does the defense attorney
have any witnesses?

Yes, Your Honor,
I'd like to call

to the stand my
innocent brother.

Arnold, dear, will
you please stand up?

I am standing.

Oh.

Do you swear to tell the truth?

I been swearin' for the last two
hours, and it ain't done me no good.

Proceed.

Arnold, I am just going to
ask you one simple question.

Did you put Abraham
inside of the hot tub?

No, sir. I'm innocent,
I'm not guilty.

And get the picture?

I believe you.

Your witness, Mr. Prosecution.

Thank you.

Arnold, where were you

just before I found
Abraham in the hot tub?

Down here in this living room,
being completely innocent.

No, I mean just before that.

In my closet, playing spaceship.

Your Honor, I submit that
Arnold saying he was in his closet

is a very weak alibi.
And he cannot prove it.

I can so prove it. I got
a moth for a witness.

Thank you.

Your Honor, to sum up my case,

everybody heard
Arnold complaining

about his fish bowl
being too small.

Next, I find his goldfish
swimming in my hot tub,

and finally, who is the only
witness in Arnold's defense?

A moth.

I rest my case.

Willis, while he's restin', you
better get brilliant and save my butt.

Has the defense
attorney got anything

to say on behalf
of Arnold's butt?

I sure do.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Your Honor, look at this face.

Is this the face of a criminal?

No.

Could this face, after givin'
you his word, break his promise?

Never.

Your Honor, my
client is innocent.

Amen!

Yeah.

Tell him, brother. Not guilty!

Set me free. Yeah. Hallelujah!

Hallelujah. Hallelujah.

Hallelujah.

The judge has
reached a decision.

Much as I hate to,
Arnold, I find you guilty.

(WHISPERS) Guilty?

And Mr. Drummond's
punishment stands.

No skateboard contest for you.

But I'm not guilty!

Now, Arnold,
you had a fair trial.

Oh, no, he didn't, Mr. Drummond.

Why wasn't this trial fair?

'Cause Arnold didn't do it.

I had a witness to
prove he didn't do it.

Oh? Another moth?

No, me.

Oh? You saw somebody else do it?

That's right, I saw me do it.

I put Abraham
inside the hot tub.

What? PHILIP: You did that?

For goodness' sake.
I don't understand.

Willis, you're not just
saying this to protect Arnold?

Oh, let him say it.

I need all the
protection I can get.

It's the truth, Mr. Drummond.

I did it on purpose because
I wanted to prove something.

And I proved it.

Proved what, Willis?

I proved that not
everybody gets a fair trial

just 'cause it says
so in that book.

You know, my
client was innocent,

but your justice
made him guilty.

You're absolutely right,
Willis. Arnold is innocent,

and you deserve a lot of credit

for trying to prove your point.

You know, Willis, you
make one great mouthpiece.

Except, Willis, you withheld
an important piece of evidence.

Now, if this was a real trial,

you'd be guilty of
breaking the law.

You framed your brother.

Give me back my compliment.

But you had a good
motive, young man.

But I'm sorry I
framed you, Arnold.

Oh, that's all right, dumb head.

You know, you proved
something to me, Willis.

I owe Arnold an apology.

I realize I was much
too quick to jump

to the conclusion
that he was guilty.

Yeah. You were
jumpin' pretty good.

We both ought to study up
on the law, Mr. Drummond.

The court agrees.

Arnold, you can go to
the skateboard contest.

Oh, boy, yippee!

And this case is closed,

so the judge can finish laundry
and get din-din on the table.

Wait a minute, Your Honor.

I think Willis deserves
some sort of punishment

for withholding
evidence from the court.

You're right.

The court sentences Willis
to drain and clean the hot tub.

A fitting punishment.

Yeah, and it will
save me from doing it.

Court's adjourned.

See, Willis? As I told you,

it isn't a perfect system,
but if you're honest with it,

it works pretty well.

Well, I guess so.

But you know something, Arnold?

You got a fair trial after all.

Yeah, in spite of
havin' a crooked lawyer.

♪ Now the world don't move
to the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for
you may not be right for some

♪ A man is born
he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans

♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Diff'rent strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent
Strokes to move the world

♪ Yes, it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes
to move the world! ♪