Dickinson (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 10 - I Felt a Funeral, in My Brain - full transcript

I do.

Emily.

You're at Ben's grave again.

Yeah.

I don't remember you being this sad
when any of Dad's other assistants died.

Just leave me alone, Lavinia.

But it's the wedding day.
You have to help.

- I'll be there in a minute.
- You said that an hour ago.

Cool, yeah, it's just,
I don't know what kind of ghost etiquette

- I might be violating if I leave now.
- Emily, please.

Just be normal for one day.



Do it for our family.

No, thanks.

Fine.

Then do it for Sue.

It's too goddamn cold for this.

Now, the house is perfect.

And Betty's made me
the most beautiful dress.

I even washed my hair last week.

Just one last little touch.

What's that you got there?

Atropa belladonna.

Come again?

It means "fatal beauty."

Looks like poison.



Well, it may be slightly poisonous.

But these drops are gonna make my eyes
look as dewy as a young bride's.

But you're not the bride, madam.
You're just the mother of the groom.

I still don't understand why we hired you.

Girls, you're here.

We have so much to do.

Mom, your eyes look super weird.

And by "weird" do you mean beautiful?

They just look so black.

They look like the eyes of a raven.

Which is pretty cool.

Never mind about my eyes.

Vinnie, please, let's get moving.

I need you to iron these napkins.
We can't have a wrinkle in this wedding.

Do you hear me?

No accidents.

No mistakes.

I hate to say it, but we have a problem
with the falcon.

Oh, God! What?

It's too tight, isn't it?

Don't worry, honey.

We'll make it fit.

Have you told anyone yet?

Then we'll make sure no one finds out.

I don't know. I just look...
I mean, I look so...

You look like a beautiful bride.

- Who's that?
- It's me.

- Can I come in?
- Yeah.

I'll give you two a moment.

You look... gorgeous.

I do?

Don't say "I do" to me.

Save it for Austin.

I wrote you something.

I had a feeling you would.

It's too small to read.

Yeah, I know. I did that on purpose.

It's funny, looking at the two of us.

Now you're the one in black.

Yeah.

Oh, Emily.

I'm sorry. I know how much you miss him.

You're the only one who understands.

You've lived with so much grief.

And I never understood.

I never imagined how heavy it could be.

And the whole time I've known you,
you've been carrying that weight.

I guess it's made me strong.

I never knew how strong you were
until I lost him.

And I felt... so weak.

You really loved him.

Yeah.

Almost as much as I love you.

Well, I'm still here.

And I'll always be here now.

Be right next door.

Yeah.

Right next door and a whole world away.

I have to tell you something.

What is it?

I'm pregnant.

Nobody else knows yet.
I haven't told anyone.

I mean, Betty figured it out,
but no one else.

Sue.

You'll be a mother.

You'll be an aunt.

I think I'll be really good at that.

You can't tell, can you?

No. No. No.

Oh, God. I don't think I can do this.

You mean get married?

I mean all of it. Marriage and motherhood.

It's... it's too much.

It's all too much.

I hate the fact that...

That what?

You are not doing it with me.

Is that your bouquet?

Yeah.

I know a way I can be there with you.

Walking down that aisle.

What do you mean?

Sue, let's go outside.

Ta-da!

Mom, you look amazing.

Oh, thank you, sweetheart.

I'm so happy that Betty chose
this particular shade of yellow.

That dress is pink.

Watch out!

Did this table suddenly get bigger?

Be careful with that knife.

What knife? It's a ladle.

- I just wanna taste the stew.
- Mom, why don't you sit down?

Yes, I don't think those belladonna drops
are meant for much besides sitting.

Oh, no.

You used belladonna?
That makes people go blind.

Blind?

Sorry. I'm nodding. Yes. Blind!

Oh, God.

It's the old Norcross curse.

It's acting up again.

It always happens on special occasions.

Like the tragic day when Grandmother
Norcross accidentally lit herself on fire.

Put it out. Put it out.

There's no water in here!

Emily forgot to fill the buckets.

Fire!

Emily.

Careful of the cacti, George.

Why are you here so early?

The wedding's not until this afternoon.

I'm actually not coming to the wedding.

You're not?

My wagon is leaving today.

What do you mean, your wagon?

I'm going out west, Emily.

To California. To find gold.

Wait. You can't push that back,
like, a few hours?

The wagon is already packed.

The horses are fed and ready.

Emmons is coming.

And Pennock with his wife and their baby.

There's room in the wagon
for just two more.

- Me and...
- Ellen Mandeville Grout.

Of the Princeton Grouts.

No.

I was hoping... you, Emily Dickinson.

Listen, I thought a lot about
the mistake that I made,

proposing to you in the way that I did.

I shouldn't have asked
for your father's permission.

Neither of us should
be dependent on our fathers.

That's why I'm going to California.

To make my own way in the world.

To show my dad
that I don't need his money.

And I've come here today to ask you,

as your own woman with your own freedom.

I'm asking you to make your own choice.

Come out west with me.

- Make a new life.
- George, I...

Come with me, Emily.

It'll be fun.

Road trip.

I can't.

- Why not?
- Because...

I can't be your wife.

So you're just gonna stay here alone?

I won't be alone. I have Sue.

She's gonna be my sister now.

Sister?

I see.

And a sister is good enough for you?

It'll have to be.

George, wait.

Stay for the wedding.

I can't.

Give Austin my regrets.

One Sister have I in the house -

And one a hedge away...

There's only one recorded -

But both belong to me.

One came the road that I came -

And wore my last year's gown -

The other as a bird her nest

Builded our hearts among.

She did not sing as we did -

It was a different tune

Herself to her a Music

As Bumble-bee of June.

Today is far from Childhood,

But up and down the hills,

I held her hand the tighter -

Which shortened all the miles -

And still her hum

The years among,

Deceives the Butterfly;

And in her Eye

The Violets lie,

Mouldered this many May -

"I spilt the dew"

But took the morn -

I chose this single star

From out the wide night's numbers -

"Sue - for evermore!"

Sue?

Austin, you're not supposed to see me

- in my dress.
- Are you crying?

Sue, your dress.

Why's it all dirty?

Haven't you been in this room
all day getting ready?

Well...

Emily and I...

We went out.

Out?

I'm sorry, you did what?

In your wedding dress?

Sue, do you understand
how much money I paid for that?

I'm sorry, Austin.

What is that?

- This?
- Yeah.

In that weird little handwriting.

What are you reading?

It's just a poem.

A poem.

And that's what's making you cry.

God dammit!

I knew she would ruin
this day! I knew it!

- No, Austin, she didn't...
- No, don't you dare!

Don't you dare.

I'm gonna kill her.

Congratulations, Austin.

I'm looking for Emily. Have you seen her?

No. Hey, what happened to that guy
she was seeing?

- Who?
- The one who died.

I heard he had full-blown tuberculosis.

- Not at the wedding.
- Just...

- Austin!
- Jesus Christ!

Congratulations.

- Get out.
- I'm just looking for my sister.

God...

Not today, Emily!

Not today.

- Austin, what's the matter?
- You think I'm so stupid, don't you?

What are you talking about?

I knew you wouldn't
be able to stop yourself.

I knew that when it came down to it,
you'd find a way to ruin this wedding.

You couldn't just let me be happy,
could you?

No, Austin, that's not true.

I swear that's not true.

Yeah, well, you're not
in charge of what's true. Okay?

Guess what, Emily.
You're not in charge of anything.

I am the man of the house now.

Because Dad, apparently,
isn't ever coming home.

And when Dad's gone, I'm in charge of you.

That's just the way it is.

So, no more acting like a child.

No more running around in orchards.

No more jokes.

You've had your fun!

You've written your stupid little poems.

You got Sue's dress dirty.

And you made her cry.

So, guess what.

You're not invited anymore.

I don't want you at this wedding.

I want you upstairs in your room
with the door locked

so you can't cause any trouble.

My poems aren't stupid.

Yes, they are.

No.

They're important.

They're meaningless.

When will you accept it, Emily?

You're not a real poet.

Because the only real poems
are the ones in books.

Can I just...

Can I at least bring Sue her bouquet...

I'll take care of that.

You know what, Austin?

Just because you're a man...

Yeah, what?

It doesn't mean
you have to become a monster.

Your poor mother.

Lit herself on fire
and then fainted dead away.

And your father's still not home.

So this is what it feels like
to be an orphan.

Oh, you poor dear.

No, I mean it actually feels good.

Joseph?

Hey.

What are you doing here?

I...

I came by to apologize.

I can't talk right now.
My brother's about to get married.

I know. I wasn't invited.

Yeah. Because you showed the portrait
I gave you to the entire town

and humiliated me.

I really messed up, okay?

But I came by today to make it right.

And I brought you this.

- A locket.
- Yep, 'cause I'm ready to lock it down.

Okay.

- That is a sick locket...
- Yeah.

- But I can't accept it.
- What?

It's not a good time for me
to get into a relationship.

I need to focus on my cat.

Aren't you gonna leave?

I just need to sit here
and cry for a minute.

Mom, you're alive.

And your eyes look normal.

Yes, Vinnie, I'm just fine.

And they fixed your dress.

Betty here is a genius.

There is nothing she can't solve
with a needle and thread.

And a few glasses of wine, am I right?

Oh! Cheers to that.

Is that our tablecloth?

How much have you had to drink?

- Don't worry about that, Vinnie.
- I thought you believed in temperance.

I am about to host a wedding
for my only son.

My husband has abandoned me.

So, you can take temperance
and shove it up your... Ow!

Mrs. Dickinson, I'm back.

Perfect timing.

- Wait, don't we have a wedding to attend?
- Hi, sweetheart.

Austin, I made it.

Wow, "Father of the Year award" over here.

Guess you can just walk Sue down the aisle
in your friggin' traveling coat.

- Well, wait, don't I have time to change?
- No!

Okay, calm down, everyone. Please.

Oh, Sue.

My goodness.

Sue, you look marvelous.

Thank you, Mr. Dickinson.

Where's Emily?

Yes. Where is she?

She's not coming.

- I beg your pardon?
- She'd said she didn't want to.

She's in one of her moods, you know?

She said she hates weddings.
She refused to come out of her room,

and I didn't have
the strength to fight with her.

Unbelievable, this girl.

She's gonna be our problem forever,
Edward, won't she?

And she's only gotten worse
since you've been away.

Time to walk the gangplank, missy.

I wanna die.

I wanna die. I wanna die. I wanna die.

I wanna die. I wanna die.

Oh, I wanna die!

We're gathered here today

to mourn the loss of some nobody
named Emily Dickinson.

What is happening?

Oh, you got your wish, baby.

What wish? Where am I?

This is your funeral.

Sick!

It's kind of sad though.

Nobody came.

Well, there's somebody.

What's up?

You're the only guest at my funeral?

Yeah, the butterfly couldn't make it.

I don't have any other friends?

- Nope.
- Oh, man. I know, right?

I have my whole hive.

There's somebody else.

You came!

That must mean you respect me.

No, I'm just here because
I accidentally set fire to my cabin

and burned down the woods.

Fine. Let's just get on with it.

Okay.

So, we're gathered today to say goodbye
to some basic bitch named Emily Dickinson.

Excuse me. Are you open
to any feedback on this eulogy?

Yeah, go ahead.

I'm just wondering if it might have more
impact if you say something like,

"We gather here today to celebrate the
greatest American poet who ever lived."

I'm just spitballing.

Okay.

But you're not the greatest
poet who ever lived, Emily.

Not yet.

Ben! It's Ben!

What's cracking, Ben?

What's up, Death?

Oh, it's so good to see you.

You know, Ben, if you hadn't died,

I think we could have been
really happy together.

Maybe. But the truth is, Emily...

Yeah?

I've always been more attracted to Austin.

Damn.

Hey, I like your cravat.

Oh, thanks.

- Yeah.
- It's my Christmas cravat.

Very cool.

Can we continue with this
or you want me to just call it off?

No, just... No, get it over with.

Bury me.

I can do that.

I felt a Funeral, in my Brain,

And Mourners to and fro

Kept treading - treading - till it seemed

That Sense was breaking through -

Excuse me, does anyone have a pencil?

Hey.

Hey, can you hear me?

I need to write this down.

Hey.

Hey, let me out. Let...

Hey, let me out!

Hello! Let me out.

Let me out.

Hello.

I know you can hear me.

Let me out.

Let me out. Let me out.

Let me out!

- Please go on.
- Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!

Where was I?

These white people really know
how to throw a party.

When will you accept it, Emily?

You're not a real poet.

Because the only real poems
are the ones in books.

Hey.

Are you okay?

No, not really.

Me neither.

My bird flew away.

Who are you?

I'm the falconer.

You came home.

I did.

I'm sorry I ruined the wedding.

No. Emily, it's my fault.

I should never have left for so long.

These are troubled times.

The nation is divided.

War seems inevitable.

I need to be here for you.

So I have decided I won't seek reelection.

When this term is over,
I will be back home for good.

So you don't have to worry.

It will be you and I, Emily. Together.

Father.

Yes?

I am a poet.

I am a poet.

And I am not going to die.

I am going to write hundreds, thousands
of poems right here in this room.

The greatest poems ever written.

By Emily Dickinson.

And there is nothing
you can do to stop me.

Yes, Emily.

I know.