Detectorists (2014–…): Season 2, Episode 6 - Episode #2.6 - full transcript

How's it going?

Oh. Choppy.

I was getting nothing but
iffies and pops so I cranked up

discrimination, dropped her down
a cog, wound her up full chat.

- You?
- Yeah.

She was just giving me chatter
on the long arm so sunk out

the threshold and cheated a couple
of ground inches on the back nine.

- Anything?
- Hot rocks and grots.

What you got?

Ring pull. '82.

Something fruity.



Could be Quatro.

Could be Lilt.

Will you search through
the lonely earth for me?

Climb through the briar and bramble

I will be your treasure

I'm waiting for you

I'm waiting for you.

So what does she say?

She found the letter and read it.

Furious. I mean, like, spitting with rage.

Bloody hell. Sounds terrifying.

I know. Hell has no fury like... Becky.

I should have told her
as soon as I got the job.

I dunno why I have this
compulsion to keep secrets.



So what are you going to do?

Oh, I don't know. Just don't
think I'm driven enough for her.

You know, I'm not ambitious enough.

No shame in that. Ambition's overrated.

On TV, and all these people
reaching for the stars.

Striving to be the best. Looks exhausting.

I suppose, you know,

not being ambitious doesn't
mean you have to stagnate.

It means you're not tied down.

You're free to go where the wind blows ya.

Yeah, but how does that
fit in with Becky's way?

Oh, fits in perfectly, doesn't it?

I mean, Becky can be the driving force,

take you and Stan to new places,

and you'll be there to rein her
in and protect her when necessary.

Christ sake, mate, where do you
get these nuggets of wisdom from?

Very wise man.

Mate, can...

Mate?

It's Sophie. Hello.

- Hey.
- Sophie.

Hello, Stanley.

- You good?
- Support the head.

Yeah. I know.

Where have you been?

Metal detecting.

Anything?

- Iffies and pops.
- Pot rocks and grots.

So, I just find out a
few things that made me

feel even shitter than I did already.

Turns out Peter is banned from
owning a metal detector in Germany.

No way.

Night hawking.

Found guilty of two counts
of disturbing war graves.

Bastard. Oh, well, we weren't to know.

You knew. I just didn't listen.

Well, even if there is gold on that
plane, doesn't do anything for me.

Wrong kind of gold.

You coming to the rally?

Terry's called a meeting
to discuss the finer points.

No, I think I'll stay away.

Got to go home for a few days.

Yeah. When you back?

Next weekend.

- See you then?
- Yeah. Good boy.

Good luck with the rally.

Safe.

Hey.

- All right?
- Yeah.

- Was he good?
- Yeah, he had a lovely time.

Can we talk about this?

I thought we already had.

You shouldn't have read that letter.

Don't make me lose my temper.

Not when I'm dressed as a
Victorian flower seller.

OK. Why are you dressed as
a Victorian flower seller?

It's the school fete tomorrow.
I told you. Dickens themed.

We're staying at my mum's tonight.

- So when can we talk?
- Some other time.

- Here he is. "Teradactyl".
- Sir Lancelot.

Hello, boys.

- All ready for the rally?
- Yeah, all going well, mate. Yeah.

Lost the ice cream van last minute
to Framlingham Sausage Fest,

but otherwise...

And can we expect a few
down, do you think?

Yeah, should be a few coming down, yeah.

Yeah, hoping to welcome some
members from the Lexworth Locators.

Steve and Gladys Langley from the
Uxbridge Unearthers. I know. I know.

And quite a few from the
Romford Recoverers, including

Bob Cromer's widow, Ann.

Don't mention the exhumation.

Yeah, yeah. Probably still a bit raw.

However, certain people may try to
infiltrate who will not be welcome.

I didn't have a picture

of those two so this will have to do.

But if you see any of these three
snooping about, let me know.

- I'll handle it from there.
- Mm. Roger that.

Anyway, drinks? Same again, girls?

I'll come and help. Extra pair of hands.

So, are we going to meet your
daughter at the rally, Lance?

Afraid not.

Oh. Thought that was the idea.

Didn't you buy her a detector?

I think I might have mucked that up.

Oh, dear.

Showered her with gifts
and now she's scarpered.

Oh. But wasn't she the one who found you?

Why would she then just run away?

Probably thought I was a nutter.

Rubbish.

Probably came on a bit strong.

But what you've got going for you
now is that she's met you, Lance.

And you're... lovely.

So she's bound to come
back when SHE's ready.

Thanks, Sheila.

I'll let her decide.

Never realised how often I'd thought
about her over the last 20 years.

I know.

Imagining every day what
they might be doing now. Ha!

What they would look like?

- Yeah.
- Mm. -Exactly.

I know. Ha. Mm.

Hello, Kate. Yeah, it's me again, Lance.

Just thought I'd leave you a message.

Um, ignore the other eight.

Especially the last one. You haven't
listened to it yet, don't bother.

It's not very good.

Wasn't thinking straight.

I was sort of saying that I didn't mind

if you didn't want to see me again.

But I do mind.

Now that I've met you,
I don't want to lose you.

I want to be a part of your life.

Even if it's just a tiny part.

But you don't have to call me Dad.

You can call me whatever you like.

And we don't have to go ice
skating or anything together.

Won't ask about your boyfriends.

Just don't disappear.

I don't think I could stand it.

Anyway, give us a call.

Let me know everything is all right.

Yeah, OK. Bye.

So, what we've got here,
ladies and gentlemen,

is the wreckage of a Second
World War German Junkers JU 88

that we have managed
to save from nighthawks.

Now, as you can see, we've already
started to take off the top layer

so we can see what's left of the plane.

And Russell and Hugh are going
to be working solely on this.

Now, the rest of you are
free to wander wherever

you like within the fields
clearly marked on your maps.

Well, it just remains for
me to say, have a great day.

Get your coils to the soil,

enjoy your metal detecting
and, by the end of the day,

may you all have danced the gold dance.

Right, come on, then.

Well, it looks like we're going
to have a nice day for it.

Be nice to see everyone
out detecting together.

See if their techniques have changed.

How's your swing coming along, Hugh?

All right, I think.

Mm. Well, let's see it, then.

Yeah, very nice.

You want to hunch over a
bit more, though, you know.

Stoop over. Your back's too straight.

Yeah, that's better.

Well, I'll see you at lunch.

Where are you going to put it all?

Open a museum, eventually.

If I can find the right venue and funding.

The museum of sharp twisted metal.

Aviation archaeology museum.

Right.

I'll just put it my garage for now.

Your mum and dad won't mind?

I don't live with my mum and dad.

Why not?

Because I'm 32.

- You're what?
- 32.

- Years of age?
- Yeah.

So why have I been buying you
pints of coke all this time?

Because you never ask me if
I want anything different.

I mean, why haven't you
been getting a round in

every once in a while
if you're 30 bloody two?

Have you got a syndrome?

What sort of syndrome?

I don't know. One that
makes you look young.

No. Just look young.

32.

I feel like I've been groomed.

Sold any, Shelia?

Not yet, Lance.

- How many have you got left?
- 127.

All our members have already bought one.

Thought they might buy a spare
or a present for someone.

Hang on. Russell isn't wearing one.

Hugh. Tell Russell to get up here
and put his hand in his pocket

and buy a new fleece, would you?

He's right there.

Who's that, then?

- Terry.
- Yeah.

Terry.

Looks like we've got a visitor.

Right.

Do you want back up?

Leave this to me.

Oi! You!

You're not welcome at this rally.

You're not welcome on this site and
you're not welcome in this hobby.

This is my site. I led you here.

You wouldn't even know about
it if it wasn't for me.

This is not your site.

You gave up all claim on it

when you came down here
the other night to rob it.

- I wasn't here the other night.
- Well, that's a lie.

Like just about everything else
you said since you turned up.

The DMDC prides itself on its conduct.

We don't need people like you.

What are people like me?

Liars. Nighthawks. Scum of the earth.

Oh, we know all about you.

And what you've done.

We're all looking for gold, Terry.

The only difference is how far
you're willing to go to find it.

Oh, there are more differences
than that, believe me.

I don't do this to get rich.

- Really?
- Really.

And why are you digging this site?

There's no gold in this
plane. Why would there be?

Whoever convinced you that
there was made a fool of ya.

You're the ones that did the digging.

Saved me from the hard work. Thanks.

Time to move on.

You won't get far.

Mate.

What?

- Hello.
- Hello.

So... this is it.

You all get together in the middle
of a field to look for bits of metal

and the one who finds the best
bit of metal is the winner.

Sort of. Yeah.

It's not usually like this.

Detectorists are usually solitary animals.

It's only at certain times of the year

they gather together in vast herds.

It's one of the wonders
of the natural world.

I'm sorry I ran away.

I'm sorry I scared you away.

- It wasn't you. It was just...
- I know.

So, what are you going to do?

- I am going to fix things with Mum.
- Yeah.

But I'll come back and I'll
open a present each time I do.

Might take you a long time.

We've got a long time.

Just, for God's sake, don't buy any more.

There is one present you should open now.

What is THAT?

A football.

Dah-dah!

Hope it's the right size.

Yeah, thank you. I love it.

They only had it one colour.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Thanks.

Mate. This is Kate. It's my daughter.

- Hi, Kate.
- Hello. I've heard a lot about you.

- Yeah?
- Yeah, horrible things.

Don't listen to him. He's an idiot.

Have you found anything?

Just canslaw.

What's canslaw?

It's like coleslaw but
made out of drinking cans.

You're kidding me.

No, there's a whole vocabulary
for you to learn. Brand-new world.

Be all right on your own?

On my own?

Well, I was just going to go off and
show Kate how to use her detector.

Oh, yeah, see what you mean.
Yeah, of course. Yeah.

I've got to go pick up Stan, so
if I leave now, I can get a lift.

Oh, you're not staying for the
prizes at the end of the day?

Nah. I'll see you later.
Nice to meet you, Kate.

And you.
So, how's this work then, Dad?

Well, once you get it
unwrapped, you'll find there's

a couple of dials at the top.

Keep it low. You're doing well.

- One-nil up.
- Yes!

- Off metal detecting?
- Just been.

- Oh. Find anything?
- Are you interested?

Not really.

Right, well, thanks for everything.

What are you going to do?

About this Africa thing.

I don't know.

- What do you want?
- I just want to protect my family.

So, protect them.

I don't know how to
protect them in Africa.

You'll figure it out.

There are more ways of
protecting them than wrapping them

in cotton wool.

It's up to you. I don't think
she'll go without you, though.

Like she's threatening.

- No? - No. She loves you.
Don't ask me why.

I always thought you were a sad sack,

but Becky's seen something in you

and she's far cleverer than me.

For a start, she knows you're a
good dad. She never had a good dad.

She can't look after Stanley on her own.

If you're not prepared to follow
her on her whims and adventures,

then you're just going
to have to tame her.

I don't want to tame her.

Good. Cos I wouldn't fancy your chances.

Becky, I'm outside the
school, can you come out?

'Why can't you come in?'

I don't want to come in. I'm
dressed in modern day clothes.

- Everyone will look at me. - 'I've been thinking
about Africa. ' - No, no. - 'I've decided... '

- Let me say. - '.. you don't have to go. '
- I've made up my mind. - 'Yes. And you're right. '

- No, Becky, I want to go.
- No. - I want to go. I was wrong.

- I don't want to go. I'm so sorry. - If we don't
do it now then we never will. - It was a stupid idea.

- We have to do it. - No, I don't want to
go. - It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

- Stan's too young. - No. No. - It'll tear
us apart. - It'll bring us closer together.

- You were right. - I was wrong.
Honestly, Becky, we need to do this.

- Let's go and have an adventure. You, me and
Stan. - Really? Oh, God. Now I don't know.

We have to do it.

I've got no idea what to expect
but I'm going to give it a try.

- OK.
- Yeah? -Yeah.

There's just one problem.

I was supposed to have
accepted the job by yesterday.

Oh, oh, it's all right.

You accepted the job on my behalf.

- Just in case.
- Unbelievable.

What happened?

- I spoke to your mum. - What did she
say? Oh, God, I don't want to know.

- What did she say?
- She said you loved me.

You love me too.

Come on. They're playing Catch
The Greasy Pig in the field.

Playing what?

Catch The Greasy Pig.

- What's that?
- It's a Victorian thing.

You smear a pig in Vaseline and then
you run around trying to catch it.

- You serious?
- Yeah. It's hilarious.

Mr Boxhall just fell flat on his arse.

- Isn't that a bit cruel?
- No. He was laughing.

I meant for the pig.

So, you're all sorted?
Visas and stuff, jabs?

All done. Ready to go.

I've done nothing. Becky's done it all.

You do surprise me.

So I've decided I'm going
to do it. It's time.

Put my money where my mouth is.

- Yeah?
- Yep. It's time.

How do you go about that, then?

Well, first off, you submit
an online application,

pretty extensive questions.

You want to get that right.
Increase your chances.

Exactly. Spend some time on that.

- And you're going to do it?
- Yep.

- Imagine.
- I know.

You on Mastermind.

Yeah.

Do you think your feet will
reach the ground in that chair?

Won't matter. Only focus on the face.

And what would your chosen
specialised subject be?

Well, you have to pick
three. One for each round.

It's pretty tough.

I'm thinking British birds
not including seagulls.

No seagulls.

Nah, not interested in seagulls.

Can you do that?

Don't know. Can't do the life
and career of Linda Lusardi.

No, that's a bit creepy.

Why would it be creepy?

Well, wouldn't it come across
a bit sinister knowing every

detail about one woman's life?

Well, a bloke did
Virginia Woolf last week.

It's hardly the same.

Who will you talk bollocks
at while I'm in Africa?

Just keep talking bollocks.

Half the time, I'm not even
bothered if you're listening.

That's good. Half the time, I'm not.

- Here she is.
- Anything?

Nah.

So they caught him. Did you hear?

Yeah. Good.

So, you're actually going, then?

Yeah, looks like it.

Jealous.

You'll be doing the same sort
of thing in a couple of years.

- Will you e-mail?
- Doubt it.

- All right. I'll see you in a year,
you can tell me all about it. -OK.

Right here. In exactly a year.

- Deal.
- Pub? -Go on, then.

Did you hear that?

Hear what?

Horses.

No.

I thought I heard horses.

You coming?

Yeah.

Wait a minute.

What you got?

56. A bit iffy.

It's just junk, mate. Leave it.

Wait a sec.

Ah. I've got a feeling.

- You've always got a feeling.
- Yeah.

When in doubt, dig it out.

Mate, it's probably
just another ring pull.

What if it's not just another ring pull?

YE-EEAH!