Desperate Housewives (2004–2012): Season 5, Episode 9 - Me and My Town - full transcript

Susan deals with Mike being involved with Katherine; Porter is accused of setting the fire; Bree deals with Orson's snoring habit; Carlos learns he could get his sight back; Dave struggles with hiding his guilt.

Previously on Desperate Housewives.

Porter's affair...

Your son loves me. And I love him.

...escalated into violence.

- Hey, Warren.
- Yeah?

I don't care what it takes. You're dead.

But the full extent
of Dave's rage was realized...


...during the Battle of the Bands.


And out of the tragedy,
came a hero.

Hang in there.
I'm not done with you yet.

Something awful
happened to Gabrielle Solis.

And she was reminded of this
every time she looked in a mirror,

every time she glanced at an old photo

and every time
she walked past a man.

Yes, Gabrielle knew
she had lost her looks.

But she tried her best to
look on the bright side.

After all, what woman needs
to be beautiful

when her husband is blind?

Hey, sweetie. How's our patient?

Well, he took a pretty nasty fall
in the fire last night.

But the CT scan shows
no bleeding or swelling.

That's it? No concussion?

Actually, there is something.

Please tell me it's not my hearing.
I'm already down to four senses.

The scan revealed
a tiny bone fragment

that may be putting pressure
on the optic nerves.

And what? You're afraid
it's going to impair his vision?

I'm sorry. You were saying?

The bone fragment might be a remnant
from your injury five years ago.

Due to its small size,
the original scan might have missed it.

Five years? Can't we just leave it?

Actually, there is a chance,
if we remove that bone fragment,

you could regain your sight.

- Are you serious?
- That's fantastic.

I'm not promising a slam dunk here.
I'm just saying it's possible.

Doc, two days ago I spread moisturizer
on a cracker. I'd kill for possible.

I've spoken with Ted Daniels,
he's the best eye surgeon in the state.

He says he could fit you in
for surgery in about a month.

Oh, my God.

If this works, I'll finally be able to see
my little girls and my gorgeous wife.

This is unbelievable.

Thank you, Doctor.
Thank you very much.

Yes, Gabrielle Solis
knew she had lost her beauty.

She also knew the time
had come to get it back.

There was a fire
in the town of Fairview.

And those who had been injured

came to recover
at Fairview Memorial Hospital.

By morning,
their burns had been bandaged,

their broken bones had been set

and their wounds had begun healing.

Yes, everyone was well
on their way to recovery.

Except for the man
who had started the fire.

You see,
his suffering was just beginning.

- Sorry.
- That's all right.

- Are you Dave Williams?
- Yeah.

I'm Detective Collins,
this is Detective Lyons.

Do you have a moment?


We wanted to talk to you about the fire
at the White Horse Bar.

We've been interviewing everyone
who was there last night.

We were told by an Orson Hodge

that you were on stage with the band
when the fire broke out.

Yeah, we had just started,
when suddenly the curtains went up.

Everything happened
really fast after that.

That's okay.
We know how hard this has got to be.

So, have they figured out
how the fire started?

We know it was arson.

- Really?
- It's looking like the point of origin

was the storage room
off the back hallway.

And there was a body in there, too.

And you think that's the person
who started the fire?

No, we don't think so.

But this guy was pretty badly burned,
so it'll take us a while to identify him.

Anyway, if you remember anything
you think we should know,

give a call at that number there.
All right?

Dave Williams.

Aren't you the one who went back in
and saved that Delfino guy?


You're an honest-to-God hero.
You should be real proud of yourself.

If you say so.

I would've come sooner,
but I burnt the first batch

and I wasn't sure
you'd appreciate the irony.

I'm so hungry, I wouldn't have noticed.
Hey, can I get a kiss with my cookie?

Mike. What if someone sees us?

What if they do?

You haven't told Susan
we're dating yet.

I'm waiting for the right time.

Her friendship's very important to me
and I want to ease her into this.

Okay. I get it.

See you.

Just walk out slowly.
Give me something to live for.

- Susan. Hi.
- Hi.

- How's Jackson?
- Oh, he's fine.

Just getting some stitches. And how's...
Wait, who are you here to see?

You know, everybody.

So many people in the neighborhood
were hurt in the fire,

I just thought it would be
nice to bring them gifts.

Oh, crap, I didn't get anyone gifts.

But I did give blood, so I'll just remind
everybody that I did that.

How you feeling? I just gave blood.

I'm fine. Just a little smoke inhalation.

- How's Jackson doing?
- Oh, fine.

He just needs some stitches.

Ooh! Those cookies look delicious.
Where'd you get them?

- Uh, my friend. Have one.
- Oh, I shouldn't. They're yours.

You know you want to.

Well, I did just give blood.



I hate macadamia nuts.

You think they're white chocolate chips
until it's too late.

Stupid Hawaii.

Who made them?

Um... Like I said, a friend.

But what friend?

Wait. Is this a woman friend?

Um... Don't you want to throw
that macadamia nut away?

When I'm done.
Don't change the subject.

Are you seeing someone?

What do you care?

I care because you mean a lot to me
and it makes me feel good knowing

that two people have
found love and happiness.

So what's her name?
Who am I happy for?

Susan, I'm not telling you.

- Why not?
- Because she wants to tell you herself.

So, I know her?

Oh, I think my meds just kicked in.
I don't know what I'm saying.

You're dating a friend of mine?

- Don't be angry.
- I'm not.

But now you have to tell me who she is.

Fine. Have it your way.

If he ever needs a transfusion,

you're not allowed
to give him my blood.

Hello, Dr. Cominis.
How's my husband doing?

Well, the x-rays indicate
there was no concussion,

so I think we're going
to release him today.

The house is too quiet without him.

You'll have to wait to talk to him.

He's been in a lot of pain, so we
gave him something to help him sleep.

Oh, that's all right. I can wait.

He looks so peaceful.

Goodness. I'm sure if Orson
were awake, he'd apologize for that.

Has he always snored?

Occasionally, but never quite this...


The injury to his septum
might have made it worse.

But it can be corrected
with a simple surgical procedure.

Well, if it's so simple,
what are we waiting for?

Lt'll take a few weeks to schedule.

So, soon as he wakes up,
you can take him home.

Well, at least the house
won't be quiet anymore.

Hey. I ran into Katherine.

She said you wanted
to see me about something.

Right, what was it?
Oh, yeah, thanks for saving my life.

Yeah, well,
we all did what we had to do, right?

You went back in for Jackson.

Yeah, but I ended up
passed out on the floor,

which technically makes me an idiot
and you a hero.

Yeah, people keep saying that.
I don't feel like one.

Well, I would have
been dead without you,

so how about free plumbing
for the rest of your life?

That sounds fair.

Seriously, you've got to let me
do something to thank you.

Well, ever since my brother died
I haven't had a really good friend.

- Think you could handle that job?
- I think I could.

The stitches are in.
I'll need to see you again in a few days.

Would you like some pills for the pain?

No, stitches never bother me.
I'll be fine.

Great. Then let me get another
bandage and we'll be done.

Thank you.

Mr. And Mrs. Scavo?

Could we ask you a few follow-up
questions about the fire?

We already told you
everything we can remember.

This will only take a moment.

It's come to our attention
that the owner of the club

and your son got into a fight minutes
before the fire broke out.

Now, did you witness that?

I saw a grown man beating up
on my teenage boy.

What else do you want to know?

During the altercation, did your son
threaten to kill Mr. Schilling?



Well, I was right there, Detective.
My son said no such thing.

You're sure?


Thank you for your time.

Maybe I'm being a little paranoid here,

but I sort of got the feeling
that you were lying to the police.

Lynette, please tell me that Porter
did not threaten to kill Mr. Schilling.

I got the bandage.

You might want to go ahead
and give him those pain pills, Doc.

He's going to need them.

I don't understand.
Carlos might get his sight back.

- You should be thrilled.
- I know. It's just...

He's been through so much
these past five years

and he's never complained.

I just think he deserves
to open his eyes to a wife

who doesn't tuck her boobs
into her pants.

Oh, Gabby, please.
Most women would kill to look like you.

But I'm not most women.

I was an international fashion model.
And that's how Carlos remembers me.

You're still beautiful.

So you've gained a little weight,
who hasn't?

Don't go by me.
I have a weird metabolism.

Hey, there.

I just heard the good news
about Carlos.

Oh, what's wrong?

Gabby thinks that Carlos isn't going

to find her attractive
after he gets his sight back.

Yeah, that was my first thought, too.

- Edie.
- Well...

It's okay. Let her talk.
At least she's being honest.

That's the kind of support
and friendship I need right now.

Fine. You're a pig.

Thank you.

God, what am I going to do?

Well, you're going to
stop whining, for one.

You got a month, right?

Well, that's plenty of time to
go on a diet and start exercising.

By the time Carlos
gets his eyesight back,

you are going to be looking hot.
Or hot-ish.

Really? I mean,
do you think I could pull this off?

Of course.

Even though I still think
you're beautiful just the way you are.

You going to start that crap again?

I don't believe it.

Tom, I was 6 feet away.

Porter looked Warren Schilling
in the eye and said,

"You're dead. I don't care what it takes.
You're dead."

That doesn't prove a thing.
And I'm sure he didn't mean it.

Maybe he didn't. But 10 minutes later
that nightclub was on fire.

No. No. I know Porter.

He wouldn't commit arson
just to get back at someone.

What about Rick's restaurant?

Porter and his brother
burned that down.

That was five years ago.

They were trying to protect us.

And nobody got hurt.
The building was empty.

Yes. That time the building was empty.

This is insane.

Lynette, are you actually telling me
that our son is a murderer?

I'm telling you I heard him
threaten Warren Schilling.

I don't know what happened next.

What if somebody saw him?

What if he left behind evidence?

What are we going to do?

We're going to protect our son.

Even if he killed six people?

We're going to protect our son.


Oh, boy, who knew healthy food
could look so tasty.

Okay, dig in.

What's wrong?

It smells like the beach
that time they wouldn't let us swim.

It's a recipe I got from a diet magazine.
It's fish and broccoli.

- Fish?
- Yes.

Not all fish is shaped like a stick.

Now, I know you're not used to it,
but give it a try.

You're going to love it.



It's still in your mouth.

See? Delicious.

I want macaroni.

Hey, I'm not a short-order cook.

I don't have time
to make different meals for everyone.

It comes in a box. It's not that hard.

Okay, look,
Mommy needs to lose a few pounds.

And it's not easy eating healthy
with you two in front of me

scarfing down all the good stuff.

So, what do you say? You want
to help Mommy be beautiful again?


You got a lot of nerve.

Part of the reason I'm on this diet is

because carrying you two brats
for 18 months made Mommy fat.

And you with the head. You ruined me.

So this is how it's gonna go down.
You're gonna eat fish with Mommy

and you're gonna like it. Got it?

Thank you.

A spokesman
for Fairview Memorial Hospital

says this latest death
raises the total to seven.

Oh, come on.
You're watching that again?


Hey, are you okay?

I just...

This fire.
I still can't believe it really happened.

I mean, they just said another person
died this afternoon.

That makes seven.

Well, if it makes you feel any better,
they think they know who did it.


Well, it's just a rumor, but I hear
they're looking at Porter Scavo.

Porter? Why would they think it's him?

I don't know, I guess there was a fight

between him and the guy
who owns the club.

You know, I've known that kid
since he was 6 years old,

and I have always
thought he was trouble.

And trust me,
I'm a really good judge of character.

You slept on the couch? Why?
It's so uncomfortable.

Yes, it is. Sit down. We need to talk.

What's wrong?

Orson, dear,
because of the way your nose

was broken during the fire,
you now snore.

Well, didn't I snore before?

Good point. Snoring is too mild
a word for what you're doing.

Imagine a terrified elephant
summoning his herd.

You know, Bree, I can't help
but take issue with your sarcastic tone.

Snoring is not something
that I can help.

Not exactly true.

The doctor said
there's a very simple procedure.


Very routine and practically outpatient.

You mean surgery? No way.

I had an uncle who died
during an "outpatient procedure."

He went in for a broken wrist,
they put him under, he never woke up.

- You don't have an uncle.
- Fine. He was more of a family friend.

No, the point is he's still dead and
I am not having unnecessary surgery.

This is absolutely necessary.

I am going through
a very stressful time.

I have interviews,
that cooking demonstration at the mall.

If I don't get my rest,
it could affect the launch of my book.

Oh, well, that's very reasonable.

You get to be a best-selling author,
I get to be an organ donor.

Orson, if we can't share a bed,

it's going to hurt the intimacy
of our marriage.

My death will have the same effect.

Oh, Orson, I can't help but take issue
with your sarcastic tone.

I hear you're getting discharged today.
Are you going back home?

Home? Hmm, let's see,
two cracked ribs, a black eye.

Nope, I've got everything
I need from there.

I'm sure you heard about
the nightclub burning down.

Yeah, I heard.

Your husband's blaming Porter.

What? Porter would never
do anything like that.

What's this?

I'm helping you help me.

This way you get to start a new life,

and I get to not have you around
while my son is going through all this.

What if I'm not ready to leave?

Well, then you can face statutory
rape charges without the money.

Your call.

Four, five...

I'll pick you up tonight,
I'll give you a ride to the bus station.

You can count it then.

Hey, do you want to take a walk?
I need a little girlfriend time.

I've got something in the oven,
but you can come in if you want.

So what's on your mind?

Well, it's about Mike.

- Mike?
- Yeah.

Can you imagine how upset I was

when I discovered
he's dating a friend of mine?

Oh, Susan, I'm so...

It's got to be Lisa Wallace.

So shocked at Lisa. How dare she?

You know, she has wanted
to get her hooks into Mike for years.

Every time she would have us over
for a barbecue,

she always wore something booby.

Well, in Lisa's defense,
maybe she thinks you're over Mike,

which is something
I've heard you say more than once.

Well, it doesn't matter.

She's my friend, she should've
come to me and discussed it first.

Well, you're not always available.

And, besides, maybe Lisa was waiting
to see if this thing had a future.

All things we can discuss when
I knock her teeth out with a pool cue.

You know,
it's sad when you can't trust a friend.

Or maybe the lesson here is

that she wasn't really
a friend to begin with and...

What's wrong?

- Susan, I swear, I was going to tell you.
- It's fine. It's fine.

I just didn't think
it would be such a big deal.

I mean, you're seeing Jackson now.

Yes, I am. You're perfectly right.

- And I've been so lonely lately.
- Well, now you're not.

I know you're mad at me. Would you
just please yell at me or something?

Oh, damn it.
I should have listened to Bree.

- Bree?
- Yes.

She told me weeks ago
I should have told you.

- So Bree knew?
- Yes.

Okay. Well, have a nice day.

So, we're okay then?

You knew about Katherine and Mike?

Oh, God, Susan.
Can't this wait until after my nap?

Why didn't you tell me?

I didn't think it was my place.
I thought Katherine should tell you.

Well, she didn't.

I'm sorry.

Uh... Not good enough.

You had a million chances
to say something and you didn't.

That is just the same
as lying to my face.

You know,
I always thought that the one thing

I could depend on you for was honesty.

What happened to that?

You want honesty? Fine.
You didn't want to divorce Mike.

You hit a really bad patch
after the accident,

but you never stopped loving him.

And why would you?

Your relationship didn't
have a natural end.

So face it, you're not mad at me
or Mike or Katherine.

You're mad at yourself
for letting your marriage fall apart.

What am I supposed to do?

Either tell Mike how you feel
or move on.

Because that's what he's trying to do
and it's not fair to stop him.

You need to make a decision, Susan.

And I need to get back to my nap.

I know the doctor told us
not to get our hopes up...


...but I can't help it. My hopes are up.
I am going to see again.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

I knew it. You're excited, too.
I can hear it in your voice.

- Hi, Dr. Bach. How are you?
- Hi, Mrs. Solis.

Hey, Doc. We are still reeling
over the good news.

Well, I have even better news.
Dr. Daniels just had a cancellation.

- He can fit you in next Friday.
- Friday?

But you said
it would be at least a month.

I mean, that's so soon.

So? Friday's great.

Okay, I didn't want to have to say this.

But you should never
have surgery on a Friday.

The surgeons are thinking
about the weekend.

They're all distracted.

Next thing you know,
you come out of the OR

still blind and missing your right leg.

Why are you talking like this?

Also, the surgery is very expensive.

We need time to figure out
how we're going to pay for it.

How about using our insurance?

That only covers 85%.
And we are broke.

You know what?
The hospital has a foundation

- to help people in this exact situation.
- No. We don't accept charity.

What? We always accept charity.

Well, I have turned over a new leaf.

I'm sorry about the timing,
Carlos, but it is what it is.

Gabby. We are doing this Friday.
Now drop it.

So you say this guy's good, huh, Doc?

Dr. Daniels is one
of the top guys in the country.

That's what I like to hear.

Bree, please let me sleep in my bed.


I promise not to snore.

And if I do, I will go down to the sofa
and stay as long as you say.

And how, exactly,
are you going to stop snoring?

Well, I read somewhere
that chamomile tea helps prevent it.

That doesn't sound right.

Well, it's worth a try, right?
Look, I'll brew you a cup, too.


There you go. Drink that up.

All right, but I think
I'll be too tired to finish it.

That pill I took really kicked in fast.

You took a pill? When did you do that?

When you were downstairs.

Well, then you shouldn't drink this
because the chamomile

actually counteracts the effect
of a sleeping pill.

Since when have you become
such an expert on chamomile?

Well, the point is, we shouldn't risk it.

I just know I need my sleep tonight.

That's it.
We'll finish that thought tomorrow.

I don't suppose you'd tell Porter
something for me, would you?

I know this is probably
the last thing you want to hear,

but I do love your son.

He was very sweet to me.

Kindness has always
been a weakness of mine.

Good luck.


When the baby comes,
you don't contact Porter.

You can contact Tom or me

and we'll do what we can for you
from a distance.


There's no baby. Never was.

- Hello?
- I just got a call from the lady

at the department store.
She said that Mom's late.

Late for what?

For the cooking demonstration.

That's today?

Yeah, it was supposed
to start 10 minutes ago.

Look, I'm in Mt. Pleasant right now
buying some end tables,

so you're going to
have to get her there.


- Bree. Honey, wake up. It's 9:15.
- 9:15? 9:15.

I'm supposed to be at the mall.

Did I forget to set the alarm?

We need to get dressed.
I'll get you some clothes.

I'm so thirsty.

I'll bring you some juice.

That's all right, I'll just drink this tea.


- What?
- On second thought, you need coffee.

Almost there. All right, coffee time.

Enough coffee.
It's not working, anyway.

- It must be decaf.
- No, it's a triple espresso.

I just don't understand
why I feel so loopy.

It's very mysterious.

Look, Bree, all you've got to do
is whip up a few pancakes,

hand out some advance copies
of your book, and we're out of here.

- Do you think you can handle that?
- Of course I can.

You are such a nervous Nellie, Rex.


Oh, and here's the lady
who's going to teach us

how to make
her traditional buckwheat pancakes.

Bree Van De Kamp.

Thank you for joining us.

Thank you for having me
to your lovely home.

Bree, your book is about so much more
than just recipes, isn't it?

Yes, my book is
about food and families

and how food brings families together
when they make food.

It's mothers teaching daughters
how to cook.

So I'm going to cook pancakes
with my daughter,

only she's not here because
she grew up and stole my baby.

So, who wants to be my daughter?


It's me.

I just wanted to tell you
I've been thinking about it

and I'm okay with you dating Mike.

You are? You don't hate me?

No. And I think it's great.

Oh, Susan, thank you.
I was so worried.

I just... I didn't know what I'd do
if I lost you as a friend.

Oh, well, you haven't.

Just treat him well, okay?
He's a really good guy.

I will.

Hey, I was just about
to make a cappuccino.

You want to come over?


No, thanks, I'm really busy.
I have a lot of things to do today.

Another time though, okay? Bye.

Just call me back, okay?
I really need to talk to you.

Who was that?

Nobody. Just a kid at school.
I lent him my bus pass.


Listen, we need to talk.

What's up?

I have to ask you something.

And it is very important
that you tell me the truth.


Did you set that fire at the nightclub?

Before you answer,
let me say that if you did,

I promise, your father
and I will stand behind you

and try and find some way
out of this nightmare.

But if you lie to me
and I find out later that you

killed those people,

well, I will love you,
that will never change,

but I won't believe in you anymore.

And if I don't believe in you,
I can't help you.

We have to tell each other the truth
from here on out.

Mom, I don't know who set the fire,
but it wasn't me.

Of course it wasn't. Of course.

Then we're going to be okay.

As long as you keep telling the truth,
everything's going to be fine.

Mom, there is one thing I lied about.


When you walked in,
I was leaving a message for Anne.


She hasn't returned my calls
and the hospital said she checked out.

Do you have any idea where she is?

No, sweetie, I don't.

You know
what I'm really excited about?

Christmas lights.

I might be able to see Christmas lights
again, and holiday decorations.

Man, I really miss that stuff.

Yeah, well,
let's keep our fingers crossed.

You okay?

Yeah. It's my hamstring.
I've just been working out.

- You want me to rub it?
- No, no, you rest.

You're going to have surgery
in a couple days.

I know. I can't wait.

You know, Carlos, I know you're

really excited to see
Christmas decorations again,

but I just want you to be prepared,

Well, some of those lights
may have lost their luster.

So should we buy new decorations?

No, I'm talking about me.
I may have lost my luster.

Come on, I'm always going
to find you beautiful. I told you that.

Yeah, that's when you thought
you were going to be blind forever.

But if this operation works,

I just don't want you
to be disappointed.

Oh, come here.

Did I ever tell you when I knew
I was going to marry you?

- First time you saw me on the runway.
- No.

That's when I knew
I was going to sleep with you.

No, I knew I was going to marry you

the night we went to that restaurant
on Third Street.

I remember that place.

You wore a white linen sundress.

And you ordered this giant plate of ribs.

And you ate them with such gusto.

Up to your elbows in barbecue sauce
and meat hanging from your teeth

and grease in your hair,
and when it was all over,

I pointed out what a mess you were.

You pulled out your mirror,
took a look at yourself

and just let out this huge, happy,
totally unrestrained laugh.

The room completely filled with it,

and I thought to myself,
"Now, that is a sound

"I'd like to hear the rest of my life."

That's why I proposed to you.

And it had nothing to do
with your looks.

Do you know when I decided
I wanted to be with you forever?

No, when?

About two seconds ago.

Up until then,
it was pretty touch and go.

So what can I do for you?

Well, my husband has agreed
to the procedure you suggested.

- Oh, the one to alleviate his snoring?
- Yes, that's the one.

So anytime you want to get in there

and start hacking away,
he's ready for you.

- Aren't you, love?
- Yes, dear.

Well, how is two weeks from Friday?

Well, Fridays are
when Orson plays golf,

- so Friday's perfect. Right, Orson?
- Right, dear.

I'm sorry, Mr. Hodge.

I'm sensing you're a bit apprehensive
about the surgery.

Oh, he's not
apprehensive. He's terrified.

And I don't care,
because he owes me one.

- A big one. Don't you, darling?
- I sure do.

I'm sorry. What's going on here?

Are you married, Dr. Cominis?

No, but I just moved in with someone.

Well, over time you'll learn that there's
a balance of power in relationships.

And if your beloved ever pulls
a nasty trick on you, like, say,

drugging you into a stupor,
then the balance of power shifts to you.

And then you can demand they prove
their love by, say, undergoing surgery.

- Do you understand?
- Not really.

You will. Come along, Orson.

Hey, hon. Listen,
can you promise me something?

Tell me we'll never grow
into one of those insane couples

that just lives to
make each other crazy.

Well, no worries there.
You already make me crazy.

Oh, hey, guess what?
I picked up our new end tables today.

Yeah. Hurry home.
I want you to see them.

If you walk through
Fairview Memorial Hospital,

you will encounter all sorts of people
doing their best to recover.

It might be a husband licking
his wounds after a marital battle

or two parents rallying
from an attack of doubt.

It might be a wife
who's been cured of low self-esteem

or a pair of lovers who find honesty
to be the best medicine.

Sadly, you will also find
some poor souls afflicted

with a condition
they will never recover from.

Detectives. I heard you were still here
interviewing people

and I have something to tell you.


The night of the fire,
I was back by the storage room.


And I saw somebody come out.

A kid who lives on my block.
His name is Porter Scavo.

You asked me to tell you
if I remembered anything.

And I remembered that.