Designing Women (1986–1993): Season 2, Episode 4 - Killing All the Right People - full transcript

♪♪

Don't you just hate it
when Ima Jean comes over?

All she does is brag, brag, brag

about that son of hers.

And she's so jealous of Julia.

If Payne goes to Vanderbilt,
then Brian has to go to Vanderbilt.

If Payne joins S.A.E.,
then Brian has to join S.A.E.

Shh. She's gonna hear you.

Well, I better run.

Soon as Brian
and his little friend

get here for the weekend,
they're taking me to dinner.



You know, tomorrow's
my birthday.

Oh, I didn't know,
Ima Jean. I feel terrible.

Oh, don't worry about
it. I'd forget myself,

if that son of mine
wasn't so thoughtful.

By the way, how is
Payne getting along?

Oh, he... ahem...
Not too well, actually.

I just found out he's
flunking chemistry.

What a shame.

Well, give him my
best, won't you?

I sure will. You have a
wonderful weekend, now.

'Bye.

'Bye.

Oh, Julia, since when is
Payne flunking chemistry?

I thought he was
making straight A's.



He is, but it's Ima
Jean's birthday,

and that's a lot easier

than going out
and buying a scarf.

I'll take those lamps
out to Mrs. Clifton's

just as soon as I
unload this other box.

Oh, Anthony, do you mind taking
her to run a few errands, too?

I promised Mother that
while she was in Europe,

I'd look after Mrs. Clifton.

So why am I taking her?

Just a little humor.

I am taking her to
the symphony tonight.

Well, that's awful sweet, Julia.

I have an extra ticket, Mary
Jo. Would you like to go along?

No, thanks. I would, but
I have a P.T.A. meeting.

I'm sorry I've
been gone so long.

I had to stop by the Mini-Mart
and get some nail polish.

Must have been six
people ahead of me in line,

and the clerk didn't
even speak English.

Have y'all noticed how
these little Mini-Marts

are all being taken over

by people from the
Middle East or teenagers?

All the clerks are named
either Abdul or Kevin.

Anthony, what is that
stuff? We didn't order that.

I know. It's radio equipment.

I talked WKXJ into letting me

do some on-the-spot
live interviews

with some of the local high school
football players after the game.

You know, to promote
inner-city school spirit

and ghetto pride.

Also to get Anthony
some extra credit

in his communications class.

Well, I think that's wonderful,
Anthony, but I don't know

how you're going to handle
all the equipment by yourself.

Kendall Dobbs is gonna help me.

- Kendall Dobbs from Jackards?
- Mm-hmm.

We were talking, and I found out

he was a sound engineer
in school, and a deejay.

Can you believe he's gonna
go to the games with me?

No, I'm not surprised a bit. He's
one of the nicest kids I ever met.

I just mentioned that I had to
clean out my garage one weekend.

He showed up at 8 A.M,

and worked like a dog all day,

- and wouldn't take a cent.
- He's a nice boy.

I have always liked Kendall.

Sugarbakers.

Yes, Mrs. Clifton.

Somebody'll be coming
out to get you any minute.

- I'm on my way.
- Anthony's on his way.

All right. See you then.

Great. First Ima Jean Salinger,

and now Mrs. Clifton is coming

to pick out fabric for her sofa.

When she gets here,
you all can deal with her.

I don't want to be unkind,

because I know she's
a little off the beam.

But she's been calling me every
single day since Mother's been gone,

and I am just sick and
tired of listening to her tirade

about Maureen Reagan
living in the White House.

"Why should the taxpayers
have to pay room and board

"for a big, strapping
girl like that?"

Hi, everybody.

- Kendall.
- Hi, Charlene.

- Haven't seen you in ages.
- Yeah, I know.

I took a little
leave of absence.

Listen, is Anthony around?

- You just missed him.
- Oh, I forgot to give him

one of the cords that
goes in my porta-pack unit.

Is that it? I'll give it to him.

Kendall, I was just thinking
about you the other day.

How much fun we had
decorating Design House together.

- Yeah, that was fun, wasn't it?
- Well, why don't you

sit down for just a minute and tell
us what you've been working on?

I should be getting
back to the store,

but I did want to talk to you

about taking on
a special project.

Mmm, if it's so special,

why aren't you
taking it for yourself?

I don't think I could
be too objective.

I'm a little too
close to this one.

Well, what is it?

My funeral.

- Your funeral?
- Yeah.

I want you to
be in charge of it.

You know, design it for me?

Why do you want us
to design your funeral?

Because I'm dying.

And I like your taste.

Kendall, what do you
mean, you're dying?

You're just a kid.

I know.

But I have AIDS.

Kendall, isn't there any
possibility they made a mistake?

No. I've been
tested three times,

and they've all
been home runs, so.

- I just can't believe that.
- Neither can I.

What a dirty, rotten deal.

I didn't even know you were gay.

Well, I am, but you
don't have to be.

You should have seen the
hospital ward I was just in.

One one side, I had a
65-year-old grandfather

who got it from a
blood transfusion,

and on the other,
an 18-year-old girl

who got it from her boyfriend,

who got it from a
girl he used to date.

Poor Kendall. I
feel so terrible.

We didn't even know
you were in the hospital.

- Was your family here?
- No, my parents
are pretty upset.

I can imagine.

Actually, they're more
upset about the gay part.

They didn't know.

So that's why I
want to make sure

my funeral's completely
paid for, you know.

I don't want them getting
stuck with any of my bills.

I figure that's the least
I can do for them now.

Kendall, I'm still not clear
what it is you're asking us to do.

Just treat it like any
ordinary decorating job.

I put a deposit down
on a funeral home,

and they've got
this big spare room

they're gonna let you redo
like the French Quarter.

That's where my family's
from. And then I want to have

this big jazz band that plays
"Just a Closer Walk With Thee,"

New Orleans style, 'cause that's
the kind of hymn I grew up on.

So you actually want
us to design the room.

Yeah. This is a funeral home

that handles a lot of
AIDS cases, you know.

Some of these poor guys,
they don't have any money,

and their friends and
families have rejected them.

Anyway, now they can
use my room after I'm gone.

Heck, they said they
might even name it after me.

I've been reading
in the paper lately.

Uh, isn't there a
treatment that you can take

that will prolong your life?

Yeah, I'm on a
treatment program.

I'm not kidding myself.

I'm about a quart
low on T-cells,

which is kind of like
standing on the edge of a cliff.

So that's why I want
to get going on this.

Will you do it for me?

There's a lot of
people out there now

who don't have anybody.

You'd be sending
them off in style.

When do we start?

Hey, sorry we're late.

Oh, it's not his fault.

This young man has
been an absolute angel.

First there were
some heavy boxes

on the passenger's
side of your furniture van,

so I had to sit
right next to him.

And then a highway
patrolman stopped us,

because my seatbelt was
hanging out, making sparks.

Well, I didn't want to see
anyone getting a ticket,

so I made a mercy plea,

by telling the officer we
were on our honeymoon.

But he said they don't give
tickets for making sparks,

so he just let us go after all.

He also said we were

one of the most unusual
couples he's ever stopped.

Oh, gee, I'm sorry.

We just got some real sad news.

Just a little bit of a shock.

Oh, dear, that's too bad.

How about a Chiclet?

Thank you.

Sure don't feel like
going to a P.T.A. meeting.

- Well, what happened?
- It's Kendall.

He's dying.

Dying?

He didn't have safe sex.

Oh, no, that's terrible. I
don't want to hear this.

We're all just sick about it.

Well, I wouldn't
feel too badly, dear.

I don't think this safe sex
is what it's cracked up to be.

My husband and I
weren't that happy,

and we always had safe sex.

I mean, we had it in bed,

and I was usually asleep.

I don't think you can
get any safer than that.

And while I'm certainly
sympathetic to the parents

of teenage girls who
become pregnant,

experience has taught us

that providing these
girls with contraceptives

before they're mature
enough to handle them

often only serves to
increase their sexual activity.

The best birth control
method is, has been,

and always will be abstinence.

Thank you.

Does anyone else have a comment?

Yes.

I think I'm just as
concerned as everybody else

about 14 and
15-year-olds having sex,

or, rather, not having it.

And I would certainly
hope that mine wouldn't.

Have sex, that is.

But on the chance that they do,

I think that I would
be more concerned

about my daughter getting...

something fatal,
than getting pregnant.

So what is your question?

Well... today a
friend of mine...

I-I guess I don't
have a question.

I make a motion that we vote.

A motion has been made

that we vote on our
resolution to the school board.

That we are or are not
in support of distributing

birth control materials
to students upon request.

Now this is obviously
a very complex

and emotionally charged issue.

Therefore, I would
like to recommend

that we reconvene next week

and get as many
parents here as possible.

Carolyn, I assume
that you would like

to champion the cause of those

against distributing
birth control materials.

Oh, I'd be happy to.

Now we need somebody
willing to pick up the banner

for the pro group.

I nominate Mary Jo Shively.

- No.
- Second.

Do I hear any nays?

Motion passes.

We'll reconvene at the
same time next week.

Wait. Oh, dear.

This is a terrible mistake.

Excuse me. Could
somebody please tell me

exactly what I'm pro for?

Don't you know?
Condoms for teenagers.

Congratulations.

I don't know how I
got myself into this.

I'm no public speaker.

I'm just gonna make
a big fool of myself.

Especially with Carolyn
Jackson wearing me down.

Mary Jo, you'll be fine.
You've checked out every book

on sex education in
the entire public library.

I know, and I still don't
even know where to begin.

Well, I can probably
help you, dear.

I've had sex.

What would you like to know?

It's all right, Mrs. Clifton.
Thank you so much.

You know, the worst
part of this whole mess

is that horrible name.

I don't know how
they could call me that.

I haven't even
had the debate yet.

Mary Jo, that's
just kids for you.

But to call me...
Mary Jo Shively...

The Condom Queen?

Yeah, that's one

even I wouldn't try out for.

I remember my daddy used
to keep a whole bunch of 'em

in his top dresser drawer.

I got in so much trouble once,

'cause I blew them
all up on my birthday.

I was real confused
about the facts of life.

One time my parents
were out of town,

and I crashed my
bicycle into this wall

and I couldn't find a Band-aid.

I showed up at
school the next day

with a Kotex taped
to my forehead.

Well, I have never understood

why everybody gets so
crazy over sex, anyway.

When you think
about it, it's pretty silly.

And it's silly-looking, too.

And it messes up your hair.

I don't think it's something

we ever would have
come up with on our own.

Why not?

Well, it's just got
to be hormones.

Otherwise, so rational
person would run around

trying to... link up...

with other people in that way.

I mean, when you
get right down to it,

it's just kind of
an odd thing to do.

Don't you think?

No.

Julia, if I could just
be more like you.

I mean, you can always
think of just a million things

right off the top of your head,

and it's always
articulate and wonderful.

I need you to show me
how to do what you do.

I'm not sure
exactly what that is.

Oh, get serious, Julia.

They don't call you "the
Terminator" for nothing.

I've just always thought

that if you feel passionately
about what you're saying,

it's like having an
angel on your shoulder.

I need to learn how to do that.

Could you get fired
up and let me watch?

Mary Jo, I don't feel
fired up right now.

All right, we'll
get you fired up.

Uh, let's all think of something
that really makes us mad.

Oh, oh, I've got one.

This just makes me furious.

You know, when men
use Women's Liberation

as an excuse not
to kill bugs for you.

Oh, I just hate that!

I don't care what anybody says,

I think the man should
have to kill the bug.

I don't think I can
add anything to that.

Anthony, tell us something
that just makes you furious.

Why?

Now just do it. We're
practicing for the debate.

Well... All right. All right.

I guess what really
makes me furious

is, like, when you in prison,

and you accidentally buy

the last package of M&M's
out of the vending machine,

and the guy behind
you is T. Tommy Reed,

the biggest, meanest
dude on your cell block.

So when he pulls out that
lever and nothing comes out,

he grabs your head and
bashes it into the glass.

Then he takes your arm

and jams it all the way
up the soda dispenser.

He empties M&M's on the floor
and smashes them with his foot,

and makes you get down
on your hands and knees

and lick each one off
the bottom of his shoe.

Now to me, that just
doesn't seem right.

Yeah. That's a bummer.

- Thank you, Anthony.
- Uh-huh.

Well, I can tell you something

that makes me even madder.

Everybody's talking
about that television show,

Max Headroom.

You know, that man they made.

Who, if you ask me,
is just a smart aleck

and not half the actor
that Larry Hagman is.

Hi. Anybody home?

Hi, Kendall.

- Come on in.
- I'm glad you came.

We saw the room, and I've
got a fabric sample to show you.

And I have some antique
flower baskets that Mary Jo found

that I want to show you.

- What's the matter?
- Nothing.

You just surprised
me, taking my hand.

- You mean because...
- Yeah.

In the hospital, even some of the
nurses refused to come in my room.

Ima Jean, why don't you take
that book over to the counter, hon?

I'll be over in just a
second to write up the order.

I can't believe that.

If hospital people are
gonna act that way,

how can they expect the
public to behave any better?

What I want to know is
how you guys get so smart.

Well, we read.

Oh, and I went to see
Julia's and my family doctor.

And he told me you can't get
AIDS from touching anybody.

You can only get it from, uh,

sex, blood products,
and shared needles.

It just stands to reason,
if AIDS was airborne,

that somebody would have
gotten it that way by now.

I'll tell you something
that makes me mad

- about the whole thing.
- You about to get fired up?

Just a little.

I was reading in
yesterday's papers

about all these
Hollywood producers,

who are now going
to depict people

not sleeping around
because of AIDS.

What I want to know is,

what was wrong with not
sleeping around before AIDS?

I mean, God forbid that anybody
would be sexually discriminating

because it's virtuous,
or loyal, or classy.

No. No, it's as if they
found a whole new reason

for people to have morals again.

Is that the boy whose
funeral you're planning?

- Where'd you hear that?
- Well, I just heard the rumors,

but I didn't actually
believe it was true.

Now I don't like to
hurt anyone's feelings,

but if these boys hadn't
been doing what they do,

they wouldn't be getting
what's coming to 'em now.

Ima Jean.

Gays aren't the
only ones getting it.

No, but they're the
ones who started it.

Actually, nobody
knows how it got started.

Gays are just one of the
first groups it showed up in.

Yes, and for a good reason.
You reap what you sow,

and you boys brought
this on yourselves.

As far as I'm concerned, this
disease has one thing going for it.

It's killing all
the right people.

Ima Jean, I'm terribly sorry.

- I'm gonna have to ask you
to move your car.
- Why?

- Because you're leaving.
- What are you talking about?

I'm talking about
the only thing worse

than all these people who
never had any morals before AIDS

are all you
holier-than-thou types

who think you're
exempt from getting it.

Well, for your
information, I am exempt.

I haven't lived
like these people,

and I don't care what
you say, Julia Sugarbaker.

I believe this is God's
punishment for what they've done.

Oh, yeah? Then how
come lesbians get it less?

That is not for me to say.

I just know that these people
are getting what they deserve.

Ima Jean, get serious! Who
do you think you're talking to?

I've known you for 27
years, and all I can say is,

if God was giving out
sexually transmitted diseases

to people as a
punishment for sinning,

then you would be at
the free clinic all the time.

And so would the rest of us.

I think she makes a good point.

Oh, who cares what you
think? You're not even all there.

Well, as long as
we're on the subject,

neither are you.

Well, Julia, you
needn't look forward

to any more of my
business in this lifetime.

Wonderful. I'll close
out your account.

And another thing.

My son has a A in chemistry.

In fact, he's making all A's.

In everything.

Including P.E.

Well, she finally got fired up.

Was that what you
had in mind, Mary Jo?

Not bad.

I guess you just have to find

something that inspires you.

Statistics have shown
us time and again

that making contraceptives
available to teenagers

only piques their
interest in sex,

and seems to be giving
them the green light

to engage in immoral activity.

Indeed, in some cases, they
even may feel pressured to do so.

I say this matter does
not belong in the school,

but in the home.

Parents, not government, know
what is best for their children.

I also agree that parents

usually do know what
is best for their children,

but I also think that
it's kind of a fantasy

to think that all these
wonderful talks about sex

are going to happen in the home,

or that every teenager is
going to abstain from sex.

I have talked to my daughter...

You see, this is the argument
we hear ad nauseum.

They're going to do it anyway,
so let's help them along.

It's like saying,

we have criminals
in our society,

so let's provide guns.

Excuse me, but I think
that it's more like saying,

Let's provide gun control.

And incidentally,
the kind of gun control

that I am talking about

is available in many
public restrooms.

All right!

Exactly.

So why bring that
kind of garbage

into the public school system?

Because that garbage
helps prevent AIDS.

I am certainly in
favor of abstinence,

but I don't believe that
it's realistic to think...

Oh, let's quit kidding
around, shall we?

What you're actually
saying, Mrs. Shively,

is that if your
15-year-old daughter

is determined to have sex,

then you won't mind
her going to a dance

with a boy who has a
condom in his wallet,

paid for by your tax dollars.

Isn't that correct?

We got finished a little early,

and thought we'd come by and
give her a little moral support.

What I am saying is,

that I have a dear,
sweet, funny friend,

24 years old,

not very much
older than the kids

that we are talking about here.

And he came to me
this week and asked me

to help plan his funeral,

because he's dying from AIDS.

Something that he got before
he even knew what it was,

or how to prevent it.

I've been thinking a lot
about his mother this week,

and what she might give

for the opportunity
that I have tonight.

That we all still
have here tonight.

Because now we know

how to help prevent AIDS.

And I think that it
really shouldn't matter

what your personal views
are about birth control,

because you see, we're not...

We're not just talking about
preventing births anymore.

We're talking about
preventing deaths.

25,000 Americans have died,

and we're still debating.

But for me, this debate is over.

More important than
what any civic leader

or P.T.A., or Board
of Education thinks

about teenagers having sex,

or any immoral act

that my daughter or your son

might engage in,
it's the bottom line

that I don't think

they should have to die for it.

Thank you.

♪ Just a closer walk ♪

♪ With thee ♪

♪ Grant it Jesus ♪

♪ Is my plea ♪

♪ Daily walking ♪

♪ Close to thee ♪

♪ Let it be ♪

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