Designing Women (1986–1993): Season 2, Episode 10 - Stranded - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

- Uhh.
- Julia, you better
take something for that.

You sound worse than
you did this morning.

I know it. It's
just infuriating.

The one week of the whole
year we go to Design Expo,

and I have to get
this blasted cold.

I think it must be catching.

I felt kinda sick coming in on
the expressway this morning.

Let me feel your forehead.

Oh, my gosh, Charlene,

you're burning up!
You've got a fever!



Let me see. Well, you do.

Maybe you better not
go to St. Louis with us.

No. I'm not that sick.
Anyway, this is so exciting.

Mommy used to take us to St. Louis
every Christmas to see the decorations.

I'll never forget the first time I got
off the train and saw Union Station.

I thought that
was the actual city.

I'd never seen
anything that big.

Hey, y'all, listen to this.

This is a statement
I've been working on

for that Southern style
seminar on Sunday.

Tell me what you think.

"What is Southern style?

"That unerring attention
to detail, quality, warmth.

"Surrounding yourself with things
which have been here for a while.



"Leaf through photographs
of rooms in Southern homes,

"and you can almost
smell the flowers and food.

In short, Southern homes never look
like they were done by a decorator."

I like that. That's
nice, Mary Jo.

Oh, thanks.

I just thought as long as all those
magazines are gonna be there,

I want Architectural
Digest to know that we are

sick and tired of looking at

that same New
York City apartment.

Which apartment's that?

Oh, you know the one.

High-gloss black walls,
black lacquered table,

Chinese chairs, track lighting,

two lilies in a vase,
and a view of the city.

Oh. Well, what
month was that in?

Every month!

It's the same darned apartment.

Okay. Man, it's
gettin' cold out there.

The van is loaded. I
guess I'll leave about 9.

That way, I'll miss
rush hour traffic.

It'll still put me in St. Louis
before noon tomorrow.

Just don't push yourself,
Anthony. Don't have a wreck.

Remember, our entire
showcase room is in that van.

If anything should
happen to it...

I know, I know.

You already threatened
me this morning.

Suzanne, what
are you doing here?

Aren't you supposed to be getting
ready for Sissy Midkif's wedding?

Yes, I know,

but between the wedding
and getting ready for St. Louis,

I went off and left
my plane ticket.

Oh, you're kidding.

I left it for you
in the top drawer.

I know, Charlene,

but with everything on
my mind, I just forgot.

Well, have a good
time at the wedding.

- We'll see you
at the hotel tonight.
- Okay.

But now, don't y'all let anyone
plan anything for Saturday night

'cause you're all going
to the pageant with me.

- Right.
- Right.

Isn't it nice the way
this Miss Missouri World

coincided at the same
time as Design Expo?

I mean, now you'll get to
see me in my new peach gown

being a judge and going through
a lot of different pageant activities.

It's just like a
dream come true.

Yeah. Oh, I almost forgot.

Charlene, you have to express-mail
this for me before you go.

Why? What is it?

It's a certified letter

to Helen Van Patterson Patton.

I just found out she tried
to have me blackballed

as a judge for
Miss Missouri World

because she thought
my ideas were out of date.

So I just wrote her
and reminded her

that Bobbie Fay Bickerstadt got that
same bee in her bonnet a few years ago,

and now she and her husband are
selling chain link fence in El Paso.

Okay. See you tonight.

All right. See you
in St. Louis, Louie.

[chuckles]

I'm sorry we had to put
all of you in one room.

But we just couldn't turn people
out with this snowstorm going on.

Shall I open the blinds?

No, just leave
'em like they are.

There's a tip for you
in my coat pocket.

Rough flight, huh?

Yeah. We were the last ones in.

They had to close
Lambert 'cause of the snow.

Charlene, can I have
another one of your sick bags?

No, Mary Jo. You used
my last one in the cab.

Well, if you need
anything, just call.

My name's Harold.

I hope you enjoy
your stay in St. Louis.

- Thank you.
- Bye, Harold.

- We're not just airsick.
- I know.

No. I've been airsick before.

This isn't it.

I know.

This is one of those
dread diseases.

One of those things that
comes out of Hong Kong.

Whatever it is, we got it bad.

I know.

I have one request.

What is it?

Don't anyone ever
mention food to me again.

Oh. No problem.

I just can't believe
we all three got it.

I haven't felt this bad
since I was in high school

when I developed this temporary
allergy to domestic meat.

My poor parents
had to mail-order

hippopotamus steaks.

I'm not kidding, you know.

Until they finally figured
out I could have stuff

like squirrel and rabbit
and coon. You know?

And sometimes they even
fed me coon for breakfast.

Thank you, Charlene.

I can't tell you how
much I appreciate you

tellin' that story!

Ohh!

♪ Meet me in St. Louis, Louie ♪

♪ Meet me at the fair ♪

- ♪ Meet me... ♪
- Anthony!

- What?
- You gotta help me.

They just closed the airport. It's
the worst snow storm in 20 years.

I know. That's why I'm trying to get on
the road right now before they freeze over.

Well, you can't go
off and leave me here.

I gotta be in St. Louis, too.

Well, the airports will probably
be open again in the morning.

Yes, I know. But if they're not,
then I'm gonna be stuck here.

No, maybe I
better ride with you.

Ride with me? You
know how long that takes?

I don't know.
Four or five hours.

Try 12 or 13. You
better stay here.

You won't like it in the van.

Well, I know I won't like it.

But I'll like it even less

if Helen Van Patterson Patton

gets to replace me
on the judge's panel.

No. I just gotta be in St.
Louis tomorrow afternoon.

Oh, man. If you go
in the van with me,

you're gonna be
whining the whole way.

I mean, I'm only
thinking of your comfort.

My bags are out in my trunk.

All right. But we can't
stop for anything, you hear?

I mean, we're not gonna
be stopping along the way

looking for Shell stations
with good mirror lighting.

- Okay?
- Okay.

Just don't get any
grease on my luggage.

Right.

If we're feeling better we're
going to the Expo kickoff luncheon.

Mmm. Well, be careful driving.

We'll see you then. Bye.

Suzanne is riding
in with Anthony?

They closed the
airport in Atlanta, too.

Poor Anthony.

Can you imagine all those hours
alone in a truck with Suzanne?

The way she's always riding
him about being an ex-convict.

They won't make it.

One of them will
kill the other one.

And then Suzanne
will have to go to prison.

And here's your key, Reverend.

Thank you.

We'd like two rooms
for tonight, please.

Sorry, we're full up
because of the storm.

Well, don't you have anything?

We're desperate.

Lady, everybody's
desperate tonight.

All I got is this
little shoebox single

that was part of a suite.

- I'll take it.
- We'll take it.

We're married.

Oh? Why are you
asking for two rooms?

Because we had a fight.

But we've made up
now, haven't we, hon?

You're an interracial couple?

Well, not exactly.

See, I've been playing a
lot of golf in Palm Springs.

I think I overdid it.

Oh. Honey, I asked
you to warn me.

Wise guy, huh?

Look, we're not married.

He's just saying that
because he's cold

and he'd like to
stay in the room, too,

but I don't think
that would look right.

- Do you?
- No, I don't.

Well, then, that's
settled. I'm sorry, Anthony.

But she doesn't think
it would look right.

That man was a minister

and well, I don't think
there's any reason

for both of us to
suffer, now is there?

Where do I sign?

[laughing]

Charlene. Charlene, wake up!

What? What? What's wrong?

Nothing. You're just kind
of lying on me and laughing.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, I was having this dream
that John Ritter was my doctor

and he was examining me.

And he just kept falling
over everything, you know.

Like he did all the time
on Three's Company.

It was real funny.

I can't believe anyone
could be so sick

and be so happy.

There's no point in being whiny
and cranky like the two of you.

Yeah, right. Better to be goofy.

Well, I'm sorry. I was asleep.

I try to be pleasant
even when I'm asleep.

I don't feel any better
than the two of you.

You've given me a whirl. Why don't you
go over and sleep with Julia for a while.

I was sleeping with Julia! She
kicked me out. That's why I'm here.

Well, maybe now
you can be a floater.

You know, go back and forth.

Oh, for crying out loud,

Charlene, you come over here.

- I'll sleep with Mary Jo.
- Fine!

Fine! Fine with me!

I just wish I'd gone in the van
with Anthony and Suzanne.

They're probably having a
lot better time than we are.

I can't believe you would
need all this stuff for one night.

It's not just for one night.

It's for in the morning, too.
Here. Gimme my wig case.

What? You mean I just waded through
two feet of snow to bring a wig in here?

What do you need
a wig for tonight?

Isn't that your own
hair right there?

Yes, it is, Anthony!
But, for your information,

I might have to wear that wig in the
morning if my own hair doesn't do right.

As it is, we've lost so
much time now you'll

probably have to take
me straight to the pageant.

Look, why don't you just
take that blanket off the bed.

You can use that to keep
yourself warm out in the van.

Well, are you sure you'll
be warm enough in here?

I mean, that only
leaves you with three.

Look, I'd give you
one of the pillows,

but I need both of
'em to rest my hair on.

Uh-huh.

Here. I got this robe.

You can put this on
underneath your coat.

I was gonna wear it myself, but I
can just turn up the heat in here.

Speaking of heat, these
earmuffs are not cutting it.

- Do you happen to have a scarf
I can put on under 'em?
- Oh, all right!

Be careful though, it's silk.

I really am sorry, Anthony,

that you've got to
sleep out in the cold,

but, well, you know
it just wouldn't look

right, the two of us
staying in the same room.

Oh, sure. I understand.

Something like that
could get around.

I could be ruined on
the pageant circuit.

They might even revoke
one of my pageant crowns.

Oh, no!

Hey, I don't even
want to talk about that.

Let me get out to that
truck. Hey, it's no big thing.

In just four more hours in
freezing subzero temperatures

it'll be morning.

And you'll still be
Ms. Georgia World.

That's all that matters.

You don't have any
long underwear, do you?

No, just pantyhose.

Hey, I'll take 'em.

I'm not proud. I got to have
something on under these jeans.

All right. Here.

Night. Night. Don't
let the bedbugs bite.

Excuse me, Suzanne.

But I would just
like to remind you

that is 3 degrees below
zero, Fahrenheit outside.

Therefore, I do not
think it is appropriate

for you to say, "Good night,
Anthony. Don't let the bedbugs bite."

I think it might be
more to the point

if you said, "Good
night, Anthony.

May God have
mercy on your soul"!

[phone ringing]

Sugarbakers.

Oh, hi.

How are you?

- Who in the world?
- It's Suzanne.

They're stranded in Tennessee.

[gasps] Listen, you gonna
try and go to Graceland?

Give me that.

Suzanne, what are you
doing? It's 4:00 in the morning.

Are you all right?

Okay. Well, just don't start out
again until the roads are clear.

What motel you
in? The Bates Motel.

[gasps] The Bates Motel?

I don't believe it. That's
the motel in Psycho.

Okay. Well, you be careful now.

Okay, we'll see... Well, bye.

Do you believe that?
The Bates Motel!

- What a coincidence!
- Yes, Charlene,
that's very exciting.

Let's talk about it tomorrow.

Hand me that
thermometer, would ya?

I think that fever's
making her hyper.

Did y'all see that list
of movies on the TV?

At sunup, we can
watch Deliverance.

Boy, I wish Suzanne was here.

That's the movie she's always
saying my relatives are in.

The owner of that motel, his
first name wasn't Norman, was it?

[loud knocking]

- Who is it?
- Anthony!

Open up! I'm coming in!

- Aah!
- Okay.

[sighs]

- What?
- Man, I'm dying out here.

I can't take it
anymore. It's terrible!

I'm shaking all over! You
got to let me sleep in here!

Oh, all right.

I'm telling you though,
it's not much warmer.

Okay. You can sleep over there

as long as you stay
on your own side.

Don't worry about it, okay?

My nose is so cold
I can't even feel it.

Man, these pantyhose
are killing me!

Oh!

Now let's just lie here and
try to generate some heat.

- Okay?
- Okay. All right.

But not too much. I don't
like the sound of that.

- Suzanne?
- What?

Get real.

[loud knocking]

- Who is it?
- It's the manager.

Heat's off in all the rooms.

Brought you an extra blanket.

I thought you
two aren't married.

I know this looks bad,
but it's not what you think.

Look, we fell in love
after we checked in, okay?

That nice minister
down the way married us.

He was getting a Coke. He
just went ahead and did it.

I don't know what's
going on here,

but I don't like it.

Well, how do you think we feel?

You're standing in the
middle of our honeymoon suite.

I don't so much care
about the racial thing,

but this is a
clean, decent motel

and we don't allow shacking up.

Listen, ma'am, we
are not shacking up.

When people
shack up, they're hot.

We're not hot. We're cold.

Also, we're not married. I just told
you that so you'd let us use this bed

and I wouldn't
have to die tonight.

And in case you haven't noticed,

not only are we
from different ethnic,

social, religious, and
financial backgrounds,

we're also from
different planets.

And even if we weren't,

I assure you my lips
are frozen to my teeth.

I got a woman's
scarf around my head,

a pair of pantyhose
wrapped around my knees,

and I am not, repeat not,

looking for romance, okay?

Just so you're
gone in the morning.

Hey, I can't wait!

Excuse me,

but could I just tell you
one thing before you go?

You know, that name
that I wrote when I signed in

at the register,
Suzanne Sugarbaker?

Uh, as long as we're
making confessions,

I just thought that I
should let you know

that I'm not Suzanne
Sugarbaker. Uh, no.

That's the name of a
wonderful friend of mine, though.

Actually, my name is
Helen Van Patterson Patton.

Can you remember that?

- [door slams]
- Oh.

Well, at least my feet
are starting to get warm.

You know, these
pantyhose are all right.

I might get me some for hunting.

I didn't know you hunted.

Yep, I do.

How old are you?

28.

28, let's see. That
makes you class of...

'77. But I didn't
graduate on time

on account of the prison thing.

Oh, my gosh.

I can't believe I'm
in bed with a convict.

Thank you, Suzanne.

You know, I didn't know

a lot of things about
you before today.

Like I was noticing how
organized your little travel kit is.

And how you even have one of those
old-fashioned cans of shoe polish in it.

Do you actually use that?

No, I just carry that
around for white people.

Once that stuff
gets in your blood,

you're hooked.

I just meant you never
see those anymore.

Well, I guess I am
kind of old-fashioned.

My grandmamma used to make me

polish my shoes every
day before I went to school.

She even made me polish
the holes in my shoes.

Anthony,

would you mind getting up
and turning my wig around?

Why?

I feel like it's staring at me.

[sighs] Right.

You know, if you had rolled
this up before you put it away,

the wig would
hold its curl longer.

It would? How do you know?

Studied hair dressing.

During your unfortunate
incarceration?

- Yeah.
- [laughter]

Did you ever stop to think

if we'd both been born in
a different time and place,

you know, both of us white,

that we might actually
have been friends?

No, I can't say that I have.

But as long as you're
making us one color,

what's wrong with
us both being black?

Oh, okay. We can both be black.

Oh, that way I could be
the first black Miss America,

'cause Vanessa
Williams doesn't count.

Yeah, that's just
what I was thinking.

You know, I was
trying to picture you

on Blane Henderson and
Biff McCall's party barge.

And I was thinking how

they wouldn't
think you'd fit in,

but they'd be real surprised
once they got to know ya.

Well, I don't know. I've never
gotten along real well with guys

named Biff and Blane.

You know guys named that?

Sure. Biff and Blane?

Two of the toughest gang
leaders in my neighborhood.

[laughs] You're putting me on.

People do that
to me all the time.

I just pretend not to notice

because I've found that life is much
easier if you don't get too involved.

You mean, the way you pretended

not to notice I was gonna
freeze to death tonight?

Oh, I knew you'd
come in if you got cold.

Besides, there's some situations

you just can't
suggest stuff about.

You gotta wait until
it's forced on ya.

Then you never get
the blame for anything.

Oh, boy. [chuckles]

You got it all figured
out, don't you?

I guess you got a lot of time to
think while you're resting your hair.

[laughs] Resting my hair!

Anthony, you're funny.

Hmm.

You know,

I feel like I can just
be myself with you.

I can't do that around women

'cause they're
always sniping at me.

Sometimes they say
tacky things about me

like I'm not even there.

I guess they think I
don't have any feelings.

But I do, you know.

Anyway, this is
kind of nice, isn't it?

Yeah, this is great.

I just can't believe that
we are sitting together

on this bed
laughing and talking.

I bet you about 100 Sugarbakers

just rolled over in their grave.

[laughs] Yeah, well,
may they rest in peace.

May we all rest in peace.

You know, Anthony,

you're a very nice person

and I'm very glad
I got to find out.

Well, you're not so
bad yourself, Suzanne.

Thank you.

Well, good night, Anthony.

Uh. Good night, Suzanne.

Of course, if you ever
tell anyone about this,

I would have to report you
to the police for robbing me.

Hand me that
tetracycline, would ya?

I sure wish I hadn't watched
Deliverance this morning.

You're lucky you were
asleep in the bathroom.

I wasn't asleep. I
was lying on the floor.

Well, anyway, I don't
care how much money

they paid that Ned Beatty,

not even for $50 million
would I run around

in nothing but a pair of
white jockey underwear

and be made to
squeal like a pig.

Mary Jo, would you?

For 50 million, I might.

- Would you, Julia?
- I'm not discussing it.

Well, I'm sorry. What are you
watching, Love Connection?

- No! It's just on.
- Why won't you answer
my question?

Charlene, because I
don't want to hear anymore

about that squealing
like a pig thing.

I'm sick of it.

I'll tell you something else.

I think this illness has
affected your brain.

Or I've just never
before noticed

the extent of your
unequaled ability

to be fascinated at
absolutely nothing!

You know, Julia, I used to think

that if I were a man,
I'd be interested in you,

but not anymore.

Well, I just cannot believe
that you all have missed

the first day of Design Expo.

I mean, not even one of
you made it over there?

Suzanne, you don't
seem to understand

that we have been ill.

We're not talking
about the sniffles.

We're talking killer flu.

The kind that wrestles
you to the ground

and then stomps your guts out.

I haven't been this sick
since I developed an allergy

to domestic meat in high school.

Charlene, don't
tell that story again

or I'll hurt you.

Well, I see we're starting to
get on each other's nerves.

No, it's me. It's me.

I'm getting on their nerves.

I get happy when I'm cooped up.

I guess you and Anthony had
a pretty rough time, too, huh?

Oh, it was uneventful.
Right, Anthony?

Right.

Oh, my gosh. I just got 30 minutes
to get down there to that pageant.

Oh, Anthony, you gotta help me.

Uh, can you look for
those peach shoes of mine?

I think they're in
this tote bag here.

I'll get out this
dress and, uh...

Well, I haven't got
time to do my hair,

we're gonna have
to go with the wig.

I got your wig right here.

Oh, my gosh. I forgot to pack

extra pantyhose
and these have a run.

I got more pantyhose.
We're probably the same size.

Oh, no, no. This is
a perfect skin match.

And I have a slit up my dress.

Anthony, are you still
wearing the ones I gave you?

They're in my shaving kit.

Well, you didn't
run 'em, did you?

I don't think so.

Well, good. Get
'em out. I'll wear 'em.

They might be
stretched a little bit.

Oh, that's okay. I
can just roll 'em up.

It's the color that counts.

Darn. I need someone to
help me get this watch off.

Be careful, would you?

Look what you did
to that thumb nail.

- I'm gonna have to
fix that again.
- All right.

But you're gonna have to do it
while I'm putting on my makeup.

Let's see. Well, we'll go in the
bathroom. There's better light in there.

- And bring that
cosmetic case, too!
- All right, calm down.

Now turn that shower on

to get some of the
wrinkles out that dress.

Oh, Anthony, you
think of everything.

All right now.

Let's hurry up 'cause
we don't have all night.

All right. Oh, now, listen!

I'm just gonna close this door
so we won't bother you at all.

And you just rest now, okay?

Okay.

[Suzanne] You know
what I think I'm gonna do

since we're running
short on time,

I'm only gonna take
off my base makeup

and leave on my
liner and my mascara.

[Anthony] Uh-huh.

[Suzanne] And then
I'm gonna add more to it,

you know, with that new
shiny eye shadow I got

and put it up here
over the highlighter.

- What do you think?
- [Anthony] Oh, yeah. That looks good.

[Suzanne] Here, you can brush
out my wig while I'm doing this.

[Anthony] Well, where's the
Styrofoam head that it goes on?

[Suzanne] I don't know. Just stick
it on your own head and brush it.

[Anthony] Make sure
that door is locked.

[Suzanne] Trust me, it's locked.

But if that wig could talk!

[both laugh]

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA