DemonHuntr (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Bawdy Horror - full transcript

WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.584 (mysterious music) 00:00:05.959 --> 00:00:08.393 All right, text me when you get there. 00:00:08.417 --> 00:00:09.935 Nat, it's just Ventura. 00:00:09.959 --> 00:00:10.810 We'll be back tomorrow. 00:00:10.834 --> 00:00:13.935 Don't do anything I wouldn't do. 00:00:13.959 --> 00:00:14.685 Yeah, right. 00:00:14.709 --> 00:00:16.584 You probably are. 00:00:18.000 --> 00:00:20.018 (laughing) 00:00:20.042 --> 00:00:23.751 (mysterious music) 00:00:26.334 --> 00:00:29.959 (upbeat rock music) 00:01:18.959 --> 00:01:22.101 (knocking on door) 00:01:22.125 --> 00:01:23.417 Come in. 00:01:24.375 --> 00:01:27.334 Oh, hey, Quinn. 00:01:27.667 --> 00:01:28.976 Hey, sorry, is Nat here? 00:01:29.000 --> 00:01:31.727 I have a book that she asked to borrow, 00:01:31.751 --> 00:01:32.935 about demonic herbs. 00:01:32.959 --> 00:01:34.602 She actually just stepped out. 00:01:34.626 --> 00:01:40.768 She went to go restock her, um, eye of newt. 00:01:40.792 --> 00:01:42.685 Or whatever. 00:01:42.709 --> 00:01:44.125 Thanks. 00:01:44.959 --> 00:01:46.518 So where's your partner? 00:01:46.542 --> 00:01:51.000 position:20% Daniel? He and Harold went on an overnight trip. 00:01:52.959 --> 00:01:55.143 Harold the goth guy? 00:01:55.167 --> 00:01:56.894 Just professionally. 00:01:56.918 --> 00:01:57.935 And they're together? 00:01:57.959 --> 00:01:59.250 No. 00:01:59.792 --> 00:02:01.000 Well maybe. 00:02:02.334 --> 00:02:03.018 Exes. 00:02:03.042 --> 00:02:05.500 Oof, exes, man. 00:02:06.500 --> 00:02:08.935 They really get in your head. 00:02:08.959 --> 00:02:11.959 (light music) 00:02:17.959 --> 00:02:21.959 What about you? You got any mind-bending exes? 00:02:22.459 --> 00:02:23.751 Who me? 00:02:24.876 --> 00:02:26.810 This life really doesn't lead to meeting 00:02:26.834 --> 00:02:29.935 a lot of eligible bachelorettes, so. 00:02:29.959 --> 00:02:35.584 Well, except, Nat. And she's not really into my gender. 00:02:36.125 --> 00:02:37.894 What? Yeah, she is. 00:02:37.918 --> 00:02:40.935 No, she, I thought... 00:02:40.959 --> 00:02:42.143 She's bisexual. 00:02:42.167 --> 00:02:45.768 Men, women, gender fluid, nonbinary. 00:02:45.792 --> 00:02:49.143 She's pretty much equal opportunity. 00:02:49.167 --> 00:02:50.459 Huh. 00:02:52.959 --> 00:02:54.209 Huh. 00:02:54.959 --> 00:02:56.042 Yeah. 00:02:56.834 --> 00:02:58.918 Well, bye. 00:03:00.292 --> 00:03:01.059 Bye. 00:03:01.083 --> 00:03:04.125 (light music) 00:03:06.083 --> 00:03:07.959 Oh, wow. 00:03:16.375 --> 00:03:17.810 position:20% This place looks awesome. 00:03:17.834 --> 00:03:20.918 I'm gonna take the bag in the bedroom. 00:03:21.083 --> 00:03:23.935 (soft music) 00:03:23.959 --> 00:03:25.250 Is this smart? 00:03:26.959 --> 00:03:28.417 What we're doing. 00:03:28.876 --> 00:03:30.125 You tell me. 00:03:31.959 --> 00:03:34.125 position:20% I wanna give this a shot. 00:03:34.751 --> 00:03:35.935 I do. 00:03:35.959 --> 00:03:37.768 But, after last time. 00:03:37.792 --> 00:03:42.059 Ugh, it's a little early to get so deep in, isn't it? 00:03:42.083 --> 00:03:44.584 We haven't even had a drink yet. 00:03:46.751 --> 00:03:49.643 You're right. Let's get settled in. 00:03:49.667 --> 00:03:54.810 If by settled in you mean take our pants off, I agree. 00:03:54.834 --> 00:03:58.626 (soft romantic music) 00:04:11.959 --> 00:04:13.459 I've missed you. 00:04:14.918 --> 00:04:15.810 A lot. 00:04:15.834 --> 00:04:18.143 You have? Really? 00:04:18.167 --> 00:04:21.876 Well you would know if I was lying, wouldn't you? 00:04:22.792 --> 00:04:25.518 Betrayals happened on both sides. 00:04:25.542 --> 00:04:26.976 I don't know how many more ways I can 00:04:27.000 --> 00:04:28.476 position:20% apologize for what I did. 00:04:28.500 --> 00:04:33.059 Look, I don't wanna relitigate the past. 00:04:33.083 --> 00:04:34.685 We are who we are. 00:04:34.709 --> 00:04:35.935 I can't help reading someone's mind 00:04:35.959 --> 00:04:38.810 position:20% when I know they're keeping something from me. 00:04:38.834 --> 00:04:40.935 And, you've never met a dick 00:04:40.959 --> 00:04:43.727 you didn't wanna put in your mouth. 00:04:43.751 --> 00:04:46.500 (laughing) 00:04:53.959 --> 00:04:56.226 (soft music) 00:04:56.250 --> 00:04:57.852 position:20% You know how awful I felt. 00:04:57.876 --> 00:04:58.685 I felt awful too. 00:04:58.709 --> 00:05:01.143 But I can never know that for sure. 00:05:01.167 --> 00:05:03.518 Because I can't read your mind. 00:05:03.542 --> 00:05:06.143 That's the advantage you'll always have. 00:05:06.167 --> 00:05:07.626 It's true. 00:05:08.626 --> 00:05:12.351 position:20% So I guess the million-dollar question is, 00:05:12.375 --> 00:05:14.894 position:20% Can we forgive each other? 00:05:14.918 --> 00:05:17.876 (soft music) 00:05:23.959 --> 00:05:24.976 (dramatic music) 00:05:25.000 --> 00:05:27.042 Huh, what is it? 00:05:28.125 --> 00:05:29.935 (soft music) 00:05:29.959 --> 00:05:31.209 I killed you. 00:05:31.834 --> 00:05:32.959 What? 00:05:37.125 --> 00:05:37.976 Don't touch him! 00:05:38.000 --> 00:05:39.935 What the fuck is happening right now? 00:05:39.959 --> 00:05:43.351 Okay, please say something, because you are freaking me out. 00:05:43.375 --> 00:05:47.542 position:20% I just saw the siren, the one I killed weeks ago. 00:05:47.959 --> 00:05:49.542 From the nest. 00:05:49.959 --> 00:05:52.143 Okay, okay. 00:05:52.167 --> 00:05:55.310 So we might have a ghost of a demon. 00:05:55.334 --> 00:05:59.435 That sounds fun. What are you sensing? 00:05:59.459 --> 00:06:00.792 Daniel! 00:06:01.042 --> 00:06:05.167 Nothing, nothing I've felt before. 00:06:06.167 --> 00:06:09.185 Okay, stay put. I'm gonna get the keys. 00:06:09.209 --> 00:06:11.334 position:20% We're getting out of here. 00:06:11.667 --> 00:06:15.667 (upbeat dramatic music) 00:06:20.250 --> 00:06:21.542 Daniel? 00:06:22.751 --> 00:06:23.959 Daniel! 00:06:25.125 --> 00:06:26.417 Shit! 00:06:30.542 --> 00:06:32.500 What's in here with me? 00:06:33.417 --> 00:06:37.417 (soft mysterious music) 00:07:15.959 --> 00:07:18.226 (shrieking) 00:07:18.250 --> 00:07:21.584 (dramatic music) 00:07:40.000 --> 00:07:42.101 (groaning) 00:07:42.125 --> 00:07:46.125 (soft mysterious music) 00:07:49.375 --> 00:07:53.375 (upbeat dramatic music) 00:07:58.167 --> 00:07:59.602 You're good. 00:07:59.626 --> 00:08:01.685 How are you still alive? 00:08:01.709 --> 00:08:03.584 Who said I was alive? 00:08:05.584 --> 00:08:07.935 (shrieking) 00:08:07.959 --> 00:08:11.959 (soft mysterious music) 00:08:24.334 --> 00:08:27.768 [Harold] Alejandro, what are you doing here? 00:08:27.792 --> 00:08:28.935 (dramatic music) 00:08:28.959 --> 00:08:32.000 We had fun last night, right? 00:08:32.584 --> 00:08:34.959 Let's get wild again. 00:08:36.918 --> 00:08:38.393 Ah! 00:08:38.417 --> 00:08:41.751 (dramatic music) 00:08:49.250 --> 00:08:55.375 Oh, big bad demon hunter, so cold. 00:08:56.375 --> 00:08:58.667 position:20% I can't feel your presence. 00:08:59.959 --> 00:09:00.852 What are you? 00:09:00.876 --> 00:09:03.959 Why does everything have to be about labels? 00:09:04.751 --> 00:09:06.226 What do you want? 00:09:06.250 --> 00:09:10.042 (soft dramatic music) 00:09:13.042 --> 00:09:15.000 To get my dick sucked. 00:09:16.292 --> 00:09:19.935 Come on, you've already done it once. 00:09:19.959 --> 00:09:21.626 What's one more time? 00:09:22.375 --> 00:09:25.667 I promise it won't turn all blue and mossy. 00:09:33.417 --> 00:09:35.351 You never met a dick you didn't wanna put 00:09:35.375 --> 00:09:37.000 in your mouth, right? 00:09:38.959 --> 00:09:42.143 (dramatic crescendo) 00:09:42.167 --> 00:09:44.768 (soft dramatic music) 00:09:44.792 --> 00:09:51.059 ♪ It's all I can do to keep my head on ♪ 00:09:51.083 --> 00:09:56.310 ♪ Can't think of anything but you ♪ 00:09:56.334 --> 00:09:58.727 (shrieking) 00:09:58.751 --> 00:09:59.959 Fuck. 00:10:01.876 --> 00:10:05.310 We already did that once, remember? 00:10:05.334 --> 00:10:08.935 The thing is, when we all got down and dirty, 00:10:08.959 --> 00:10:12.476 position:20% I wasn't getting boyfriend vibes from you two. 00:10:12.500 --> 00:10:16.976 position:20% In fact, Daniel seemed way more into me than you. 00:10:17.000 --> 00:10:19.959 (soft music) 00:10:43.500 --> 00:10:46.351 I can't feel your brain? 00:10:46.375 --> 00:10:46.976 So? 00:10:47.000 --> 00:10:49.792 So, that's weird. 00:10:51.542 --> 00:10:53.810 position:20% Do you know what I think? 00:10:53.834 --> 00:10:54.959 What? 00:10:57.959 --> 00:11:00.852 I think you're a psychic projection, 00:11:00.876 --> 00:11:03.959 and whoever's projecting you must be nearby. 00:11:04.375 --> 00:11:05.268 Do you know one of the things 00:11:05.292 --> 00:11:07.959 you can do when you're a telepath? 00:11:09.209 --> 00:11:13.018 position:20% You can trigger the pain sensation in another brain. 00:11:13.042 --> 00:11:14.935 Human or otherwise. 00:11:14.959 --> 00:11:18.935 And I'm good. I can make it hurt real bad. 00:11:18.959 --> 00:11:22.459 (mysterious music) 00:11:32.584 --> 00:11:33.727 Hey, hey, hey. 00:11:33.751 --> 00:11:34.935 There's a lot of them about! 00:11:34.959 --> 00:11:36.393 It's okay, it's okay, you're okay. 00:11:36.417 --> 00:11:37.768 position:20% You're fine, you're fine. 00:11:37.792 --> 00:11:40.876 position:20% It was a psychic projection. It wasn't real. 00:11:41.959 --> 00:11:44.959 (soft music) 00:11:56.959 --> 00:11:59.351 (man whistling) 00:11:59.375 --> 00:12:03.375 (soft mysterious music) 00:12:10.751 --> 00:12:13.959 (man whistling) 00:12:20.417 --> 00:12:21.643 Oh, my bad. 00:12:21.667 --> 00:12:23.810 I didn't realize the house was occupado. 00:12:23.834 --> 00:12:25.935 Usually, the owners aren't here, so I just-- 00:12:25.959 --> 00:12:27.375 Who are you? 00:12:28.167 --> 00:12:30.685 Well that's a little rude, don't you think? 00:12:30.709 --> 00:12:32.935 position:20% In polite circles, people introduce themselves 00:12:32.959 --> 00:12:35.976 position:20% before they interrogate someone else as to their identity. 00:12:36.000 --> 00:12:40.292 Honestly, whatever happened to manners? 00:12:41.375 --> 00:12:42.667 Ooh. 00:12:43.250 --> 00:12:44.768 It's been a while since a telepath 00:12:44.792 --> 00:12:47.834 went diddling around up in my brain. 00:12:47.959 --> 00:12:50.209 position:20% I kinda like the sensation. 00:12:50.667 --> 00:12:52.351 What are you getting? 00:12:52.375 --> 00:12:53.310 position:20% A boatload of confidence, 00:12:53.334 --> 00:12:55.268 and a lotta mental images of spiderwebs. 00:12:55.292 --> 00:12:57.852 But he's purposely not thinking of who he is. 00:12:57.876 --> 00:12:59.935 He knows I'm scanning his thoughts. 00:12:59.959 --> 00:13:01.935 Beautiful performance, boys. 00:13:01.959 --> 00:13:03.935 Here I thought I caught you in my web, 00:13:03.959 --> 00:13:07.542 but you just can't be fooled, can you? 00:13:07.834 --> 00:13:09.935 position:20% No matter how much I spun. 00:13:09.959 --> 00:13:12.959 Oh, we get it, you're Anansi. 00:13:13.292 --> 00:13:15.935 Wait, who's a Nazi? 00:13:15.959 --> 00:13:16.935 Really? 00:13:16.959 --> 00:13:20.685 Trickster god, storyteller, often a spider. 00:13:20.709 --> 00:13:24.310 Well, nothing gets by you, does it? 00:13:24.334 --> 00:13:25.626 Why? 00:13:27.083 --> 00:13:28.935 A true storyteller, 00:13:28.959 --> 00:13:32.935 position:20% knows when not to give up certain key details, doll. 00:13:32.959 --> 00:13:35.268 Keeps up the suspense. 00:13:35.292 --> 00:13:37.351 position:20% And you can keep on trying to read my thoughts 00:13:37.375 --> 00:13:39.143 all you want to, little manling. 00:13:39.167 --> 00:13:42.226 I have outstanding mental discipline. 00:13:42.250 --> 00:13:45.959 Oh come on, you could at least give us a hint. 00:13:46.167 --> 00:13:48.542 You're my first god encounter. 00:13:49.125 --> 00:13:50.584 It's exciting. 00:13:51.375 --> 00:13:53.959 Oh, how he flatters. 00:13:56.125 --> 00:13:57.417 Uh. 00:13:58.167 --> 00:14:01.226 Pretty men have always been my weakness. 00:14:01.250 --> 00:14:03.959 But I know a ruse when I see one. 00:14:04.709 --> 00:14:05.935 Until next time. 00:14:05.959 --> 00:14:08.918 (whooshing) 00:14:13.626 --> 00:14:15.459 Let's go home. 00:14:26.167 --> 00:14:29.959 (upbeat light music) 00:14:37.959 --> 00:14:40.167 position:20% What happened to you guys? 00:14:42.125 --> 00:14:42.976 Basilisk. 00:14:43.000 --> 00:14:45.435 That's a giant snake, right. 00:14:45.459 --> 00:14:46.435 Yep. 00:14:46.459 --> 00:14:47.602 How about you guys? 00:14:47.626 --> 00:14:49.602 Spider god. 00:14:49.626 --> 00:14:50.935 Hm. 00:14:50.959 --> 00:14:52.560 There's more beer in the fridge. 00:14:52.584 --> 00:14:53.876 Nice. 00:14:56.500 --> 00:14:58.768 So how big was the basilisk? 00:14:58.792 --> 00:14:59.935 Huge. 00:14:59.959 --> 00:15:02.435 Don't exaggerate. It was a baby. 00:15:02.459 --> 00:15:04.810 It was still as big as a cargo. 00:15:04.834 --> 00:15:05.685 Yikes. 00:15:05.709 --> 00:15:06.476 How'd you kill it? 00:15:06.500 --> 00:15:07.935 Nat, it was all Nat. 00:15:07.959 --> 00:15:09.602 Mm, he's being modest. 00:15:09.626 --> 00:15:10.935 I just cast a spell to slow it down. 00:15:10.959 --> 00:15:13.310 He did most of the actual chopping. 00:15:13.334 --> 00:15:15.042 It was pretty bad-ass. 00:15:16.000 --> 00:15:17.560 So, spider god? 00:15:17.584 --> 00:15:18.268 I know, right? 00:15:18.292 --> 00:15:21.393 He was shaped like a man, though. 00:15:21.417 --> 00:15:24.459 (light music) 00:15:31.959 --> 00:15:35.560 (doorbell ringing) 00:15:35.584 --> 00:15:37.393 - Hi. - Hi. 00:15:37.417 --> 00:15:39.560 Are you guys the demon hunters? 00:15:39.584 --> 00:15:40.143 Thank God. 00:15:40.167 --> 00:15:43.727 I'm so grateful you were able to come on such short notice. 00:15:43.751 --> 00:15:46.935 You said the poltergeist was in the bedroom? 00:15:46.959 --> 00:15:48.417 That's right. 00:15:49.375 --> 00:15:50.667 Oh, um. 00:15:53.375 --> 00:15:53.976 Okay. 00:15:54.000 --> 00:15:56.268 (light music) 00:15:56.292 --> 00:15:58.959 - The bedroom that way? - Yeah. 00:15:59.959 --> 00:16:04.935 Oops, I just can't keep this thing on. 00:16:04.959 --> 00:16:06.792 Yeah, happens a lot. 00:16:07.167 --> 00:16:10.918 (mysterious music) 00:16:20.959 --> 00:16:25.417 position:20% (speaking foreign language) 00:16:34.042 --> 00:16:35.310 What did you do? 00:16:35.334 --> 00:16:36.560 We made you corporeal, 00:16:36.584 --> 00:16:39.018 so you have an actual ass we can kick. 00:16:39.042 --> 00:16:42.751 Wanna do us a solid and follow us outside? 00:16:43.834 --> 00:16:46.435 Come on. You know you want to. 00:16:46.459 --> 00:16:50.042 (suspenseful music) 00:17:04.000 --> 00:17:05.292 Oh fuck. 00:17:05.709 --> 00:17:09.709 (upbeat dramatic music) 00:17:40.834 --> 00:17:44.935 I hear you're the man with all the knowledge. 00:17:44.959 --> 00:17:48.959 (upbeat dramatic music) 00:17:59.042 --> 00:18:01.935 (grunting) 00:18:01.959 --> 00:18:05.959 (soft mysterious music) 00:18:18.083 --> 00:18:21.209 (upbeat music) 00:18:23.167 --> 00:18:25.792 Where shall we three meet again? 00:18:25.959 --> 00:18:29.000 In thunder, lightning and rain. 00:18:29.209 --> 00:18:34.935 When the hurly-burly's done, and the battle lost and won. 00:18:34.959 --> 00:18:38.250 [Anansi] Sticking with the classics, I see. 00:18:40.626 --> 00:18:44.584 Behold. Along comes a spider. 00:18:45.459 --> 00:18:48.542 position:20% Hey, girls, been a while. 00:18:48.709 --> 00:18:50.935 position:20% You look well, old friend. 00:18:50.959 --> 00:18:53.727 Watch who you're calling old, darling. 00:18:53.751 --> 00:18:56.268 What brings you to our door? 00:18:56.292 --> 00:18:56.935 Anansi? 00:18:56.959 --> 00:18:59.518 When I heard word of the great sisters 00:18:59.542 --> 00:19:01.727 nesting in a lay these days, 00:19:01.751 --> 00:19:04.584 I figured I had to pay you a visit. 00:19:04.751 --> 00:19:06.894 position:20% You look different, though. 00:19:06.918 --> 00:19:08.935 position:20% I know people in LA like to get a little work done, 00:19:08.959 --> 00:19:12.518 but you really took that to heart, didn't you? 00:19:12.542 --> 00:19:13.834 What? 00:19:14.125 --> 00:19:17.268 Shapes are so easily changed. 00:19:17.292 --> 00:19:18.852 (laughing) 00:19:18.876 --> 00:19:20.976 As you yourself should know. 00:19:21.000 --> 00:19:24.976 Well, regardless, we've got a new enemy. 00:19:25.000 --> 00:19:27.310 Or, rather, enemies, and they've proven to be 00:19:27.334 --> 00:19:31.351 quite the pain in my very Instagrammable ass. 00:19:31.375 --> 00:19:32.959 An enemy, you say? 00:19:34.250 --> 00:19:37.018 It's been a millennium or two since we've had 00:19:37.042 --> 00:19:39.935 an enemy worthy of our talent. 00:19:39.959 --> 00:19:41.935 position:20% And we find the prospect... 00:19:41.959 --> 00:19:43.209 Exciting. 00:19:43.834 --> 00:19:46.101 Fantastic. 00:19:46.125 --> 00:19:47.375 So, 00:19:49.000 --> 00:19:51.125 position:20% let's talk demon hunters. 00:19:51.959 --> 00:19:55.959 (soft mysterious music)