DemonHuntr (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Who Hasn't F*cked a Demon? - full transcript

WEBVTT 00:00:00.297 --> 00:00:03.256 (doorbell ringing) 00:00:03.280 --> 00:00:04.336 [Both] Hi. 00:00:04.360 --> 00:00:05.836 Hey. 00:00:05.860 --> 00:00:07.434 You guys are the, uh-- 00:00:07.458 --> 00:00:08.268 Demonhuntrs. 00:00:08.292 --> 00:00:09.446 Yup. 00:00:09.470 --> 00:00:10.506 Kyle, right? 00:00:10.530 --> 00:00:11.976 Yeah. 00:00:12.000 --> 00:00:13.000 Please come in. 00:00:18.503 --> 00:00:19.493 Hey. 00:00:19.517 --> 00:00:21.115 Hi. 00:00:21.139 --> 00:00:23.806 (hip hop music) 00:00:31.570 --> 00:00:33.626 You've been seeing the apparition for how long? 00:00:33.650 --> 00:00:35.746 About three weeks now. 00:00:35.770 --> 00:00:38.366 Thanks for coming on such short notice, by the way. 00:00:38.390 --> 00:00:39.390 Not a problem. 00:00:40.210 --> 00:00:42.276 Mind if we ask how you heard about our app? 00:00:42.300 --> 00:00:44.843 Oh, I saw it advertised on Instagram. 00:00:45.830 --> 00:00:47.586 Are demons getting you down? 00:00:47.610 --> 00:00:48.686 I'm Jeremy Irvine. 00:00:48.710 --> 00:00:49.886 And I'm Daniel Barns. 00:00:49.910 --> 00:00:51.806 And we're mediums. 00:00:51.830 --> 00:00:52.640 That's right. 00:00:52.664 --> 00:00:55.016 We can locate demons and ghosts 00:00:55.040 --> 00:00:56.426 with the power of our brains 00:00:56.450 --> 00:00:57.876 and drive 'em out of your home 00:00:57.900 --> 00:01:00.116 at a fraction of the cost of our competitors. 00:01:00.140 --> 00:01:02.456 So don't bother with overpriced ghost busters. 00:01:02.480 --> 00:01:03.500 Go with... 00:01:04.519 --> 00:01:06.616 [Both] Demonhuntrs! 00:01:06.640 --> 00:01:09.016 (demon growling) 00:01:09.040 --> 00:01:10.586 Excellent. 00:01:10.610 --> 00:01:11.547 [Kyle] Mmm-hmm. 00:01:11.571 --> 00:01:13.436 Where have you seen it the most? 00:01:13.460 --> 00:01:15.436 Oh, out in the guest house. 00:01:15.460 --> 00:01:18.836 Definitely in the, uh, the bedroom. 00:01:18.860 --> 00:01:20.404 The bedroom? 00:01:20.428 --> 00:01:22.507 (thunder clapping) 00:01:22.531 --> 00:01:24.756 I guess the storm's finally here. 00:01:24.780 --> 00:01:26.526 I love a rainy night. 00:01:26.550 --> 00:01:27.706 Yeah? 00:01:27.730 --> 00:01:30.986 Sometimes I like to take off all my clothes 00:01:31.010 --> 00:01:33.203 and run out into the rain naked. 00:01:34.410 --> 00:01:36.160 It's the best feeling in the world. 00:01:37.420 --> 00:01:38.696 Sorry. 00:01:38.720 --> 00:01:40.663 Can I have a moment with my colleague? 00:01:41.580 --> 00:01:42.896 Dude, what the hell? 00:01:42.920 --> 00:01:44.626 Do you remember what happened last time 00:01:44.650 --> 00:01:46.046 we answered one of these calls? 00:01:46.070 --> 00:01:47.976 Yeah, Benjamin, you cried like a little bitch. 00:01:48.000 --> 00:01:50.416 The one before that, numb nuts. 00:01:50.440 --> 00:01:52.686 When the caller turned out to be the actual demon, 00:01:52.710 --> 00:01:55.246 trying to lure us in so she could eat our souls? 00:01:55.270 --> 00:01:57.181 I'm getting bad juju from this guy. 00:01:57.205 --> 00:01:58.027 I don't know. 00:01:58.051 --> 00:01:59.586 I've never met a demon with a six pack 00:01:59.610 --> 00:02:01.557 you can see right through his tank top. 00:02:01.581 --> 00:02:03.393 (groovy music) 00:02:03.417 --> 00:02:04.236 Hey! (Snapping fingers) 00:02:04.260 --> 00:02:05.260 Focus! 00:02:06.100 --> 00:02:07.186 Here's what we're doin'. 00:02:07.210 --> 00:02:09.226 You're going out back to investigate 00:02:09.250 --> 00:02:11.196 and I'm staying down here with pretty boy. 00:02:11.220 --> 00:02:12.030 But-- 00:02:12.054 --> 00:02:15.616 Because unlike you, I'm immune to is masculine wiles. 00:02:15.640 --> 00:02:17.116 Oh, so I'm going into the guest house 00:02:17.140 --> 00:02:20.236 to face a potentially lethal demon alone? 00:02:20.260 --> 00:02:21.070 Yep. 00:02:21.094 --> 00:02:23.049 You were seduced by a demon a couple of times, too, dude. 00:02:23.073 --> 00:02:24.526 Yeah, but that was a lady demon, 00:02:24.550 --> 00:02:26.826 and that does not appear to be an issue here. 00:02:26.850 --> 00:02:27.896 Fine. 00:02:27.920 --> 00:02:28.920 Whatever. 00:02:30.410 --> 00:02:32.187 But you're buying the first round when we're done. 00:02:32.211 --> 00:02:33.211 Deal. 00:02:34.130 --> 00:02:34.940 Joke's on you. 00:02:34.964 --> 00:02:36.633 Like I have any money. 00:02:41.310 --> 00:02:43.846 So, Kyle, here's the plan. 00:02:43.870 --> 00:02:45.826 Jeremy is gonna stay down here with you 00:02:45.850 --> 00:02:48.066 while I go check out the guest house. 00:02:48.090 --> 00:02:50.336 Are you sure that's safe? 00:02:50.360 --> 00:02:52.673 Hey, we're professionals. 00:02:53.656 --> 00:02:58.656 (thunder clapping) (soft creepy music) 00:03:20.849 --> 00:03:23.516 (water running) 00:03:25.950 --> 00:03:27.316 Hey. 00:03:27.340 --> 00:03:28.423 Hey. 00:03:30.280 --> 00:03:31.790 Weren't you just... 00:03:32.810 --> 00:03:35.163 Wasn't I just what? 00:03:36.270 --> 00:03:38.260 In the main house? 00:03:38.284 --> 00:03:39.716 (Kyle chuckling) 00:03:39.740 --> 00:03:41.156 Well, how could I be in the main house 00:03:41.180 --> 00:03:42.833 when I'm standing right here? 00:03:45.290 --> 00:03:47.834 - That's a good point. (groovy music) 00:03:47.858 --> 00:03:48.858 Mmm. 00:03:51.555 --> 00:03:53.446 ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪ 00:03:53.470 --> 00:03:54.930 Do you mind drying my back? 00:03:56.503 --> 00:04:00.620 ♪ Mmm-mmm-mmm ♪ 00:04:00.644 --> 00:04:03.669 ♪ Ooo-hoo ♪ 00:04:03.693 --> 00:04:06.708 ♪ Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm ♪ 00:04:06.732 --> 00:04:09.638 ♪ Uh-huh ♪ 00:04:09.662 --> 00:04:13.257 ♪ Can't even find my senses ♪ 00:04:13.281 --> 00:04:17.320 ♪ Can't breathe, can't sleep, you're on my mind ♪ 00:04:17.344 --> 00:04:21.389 ♪ You make me lose my self-control ♪ 00:04:21.413 --> 00:04:25.074 ♪ Actin' crazy, can't unwind ♪ 00:04:25.098 --> 00:04:30.098 ♪ Oh, I'm obsessed, I'm obsessed ♪ 00:04:30.152 --> 00:04:33.275 ♪ I'm obsessed ♪ 00:04:33.299 --> 00:04:37.089 ♪ It's all I can do to keep my head on ♪ 00:04:37.113 --> 00:04:40.817 ♪ Can't think of anything but you ♪ 00:04:40.841 --> 00:04:45.841 Okay, this is (zipper unzipping) happening. 00:04:46.249 --> 00:04:49.289 ♪ Oh, I'm obsessed ♪ 00:04:49.313 --> 00:04:51.224 ♪ I'm obsessed ♪ 00:04:51.248 --> 00:04:54.016 ♪ I'm obsessed ♪ 00:04:54.040 --> 00:04:56.396 Is he gonna be okay out there alone? 00:04:56.420 --> 00:04:57.620 Yeah, yeah, he's fine. 00:04:58.580 --> 00:05:00.223 He's a pro. 00:05:02.404 --> 00:05:05.571 (soft dramatic music) 00:05:24.978 --> 00:05:26.021 (thunder clapping) 00:05:26.045 --> 00:05:27.045 Whoa. 00:05:28.270 --> 00:05:30.437 That one was really close. 00:05:31.444 --> 00:05:32.829 Yeah. 00:05:32.853 --> 00:05:33.853 It was. 00:05:35.720 --> 00:05:36.720 Hey, um. 00:05:38.053 --> 00:05:41.022 What? 00:05:41.046 --> 00:05:42.296 I don't know. 00:05:50.252 --> 00:05:52.733 Something's different about you 00:05:52.757 --> 00:05:54.033 that I like better. 00:05:57.520 --> 00:05:58.523 How much better? 00:05:59.560 --> 00:06:00.560 Um. 00:06:02.740 --> 00:06:03.740 A lot. 00:06:05.040 --> 00:06:06.040 [Woman] Good. 00:06:09.472 --> 00:06:13.007 (kisses smacking) 00:06:13.031 --> 00:06:17.186 (men grunting) (sirens wailing) 00:06:17.210 --> 00:06:18.210 Do you hear that? 00:06:19.140 --> 00:06:21.030 Do I hear what? 00:06:21.054 --> 00:06:22.872 Oh, god, don't stop. 00:06:22.896 --> 00:06:24.391 Oh, my god. 00:06:24.415 --> 00:06:25.415 Oh! 00:06:26.168 --> 00:06:31.168 (sirens wailing) (groovy music) 00:06:37.178 --> 00:06:38.398 Hey, come on. 00:06:38.422 --> 00:06:39.319 Stay with me. 00:06:39.343 --> 00:06:41.462 Look at me, look at me. 00:06:41.486 --> 00:06:43.284 (sirens wailing) (groovy music) 00:06:43.308 --> 00:06:45.865 (men grunting) 00:06:45.889 --> 00:06:50.889 (sirens wailing) (groovy music) 00:06:52.510 --> 00:06:53.797 Siren. 00:06:53.821 --> 00:06:54.631 [Kyle] What'd you say? 00:06:54.655 --> 00:06:55.885 Sirens. 00:06:55.909 --> 00:06:56.992 You're a... 00:06:57.980 --> 00:07:00.730 (demon growling) 00:07:01.847 --> 00:07:02.966 Put your dick away, dude. 00:07:02.990 --> 00:07:04.496 It's a siren nest. 00:07:04.520 --> 00:07:06.186 Wow, thank you. 00:07:06.210 --> 00:07:08.853 Thank you for that extremely timely insight. 00:07:10.810 --> 00:07:12.933 Dude, where did she go? 00:07:16.880 --> 00:07:17.880 Great. 00:07:22.143 --> 00:07:23.116 Ah. 00:07:23.140 --> 00:07:24.140 Okay, so. 00:07:25.318 --> 00:07:26.978 We got two options. 00:07:27.002 --> 00:07:28.930 We can head for the door or 00:07:30.580 --> 00:07:32.623 we stay and we kill two demons. 00:07:33.670 --> 00:07:36.066 There's no actual human victim, 00:07:36.090 --> 00:07:38.290 which means we're not getting paid for this. 00:07:40.720 --> 00:07:43.193 Then the door it is. 00:07:45.163 --> 00:07:47.806 (doorknob rattling) 00:07:47.830 --> 00:07:48.906 The fuck? 00:07:48.930 --> 00:07:50.026 Oh, great. 00:07:50.050 --> 00:07:51.476 Sirens! 00:07:51.500 --> 00:07:52.756 Uh. 00:07:52.780 --> 00:07:54.276 They're the ones that magically seal 00:07:54.300 --> 00:07:56.296 their victims in their lair, aren't they? 00:07:56.320 --> 00:07:58.770 So they can play with their food before eating. 00:08:02.524 --> 00:08:06.200 (soft dramatic music) 00:08:06.224 --> 00:08:08.371 (both sighing) 00:08:08.395 --> 00:08:09.326 (thunder clapping) 00:08:09.350 --> 00:08:10.350 Awesome. 00:08:12.570 --> 00:08:15.737 (soft dramatic music) 00:08:20.910 --> 00:08:24.217 Oh, well, at least the lights came back 00:08:25.948 --> 00:08:27.028 on. 00:08:27.052 --> 00:08:29.802 (dramatic music) 00:08:46.007 --> 00:08:49.586 (Daniel grunting) 00:08:49.610 --> 00:08:50.420 (punch smacking) 00:08:50.444 --> 00:08:51.583 (kick thudding) (Daniel grunting) 00:08:51.607 --> 00:08:53.237 (Jeremy grunting) 00:08:53.261 --> 00:08:54.970 (punches smacking) 00:08:54.994 --> 00:08:56.965 (kicks thudding) 00:08:56.989 --> 00:08:59.822 (Daniel grunting) 00:09:02.379 --> 00:09:03.672 (Jeremy grunting) 00:09:03.696 --> 00:09:05.073 (kick thudding) Ah! 00:09:05.097 --> 00:09:09.073 (kicks thudding) (Daniel grunting) 00:09:09.097 --> 00:09:10.129 (demon growling) 00:09:10.153 --> 00:09:14.982 (punches smacking) (Daniel grunting) 00:09:15.006 --> 00:09:17.380 (kicks thudding) (Daniel grunting) 00:09:17.404 --> 00:09:20.729 (kicks thudding) (Jeremy grunting) 00:09:20.753 --> 00:09:25.753 (punches smacking) (Daniel grunting) 00:09:26.334 --> 00:09:30.050 (kick thudding) (Jeremy grunting) 00:09:30.074 --> 00:09:32.824 (dramatic music) 00:09:38.962 --> 00:09:43.962 (demon screaming) (blades clinking) 00:09:44.023 --> 00:09:46.856 (demon screaming) 00:09:54.652 --> 00:09:55.819 Man, sirens. 00:09:56.763 --> 00:09:58.343 Haven't seen those in awhile. 00:09:59.180 --> 00:10:00.656 I told you. 00:10:00.680 --> 00:10:02.486 Couldn't be trusted with that dude. 00:10:02.510 --> 00:10:03.886 You looked like you were having a pretty good time 00:10:03.910 --> 00:10:05.826 yourself back there, Romeo. 00:10:05.850 --> 00:10:06.850 I mean. 00:10:08.100 --> 00:10:09.406 But that's it. 00:10:09.430 --> 00:10:13.423 No more cases with hot chicks or hot dudes. 00:10:14.750 --> 00:10:16.273 Besides me, of course. 00:10:17.300 --> 00:10:18.573 Just causes trouble. 00:10:19.838 --> 00:10:22.996 (dramatic string music) 00:10:23.020 --> 00:10:24.337 [Daniel] Hi. 00:10:24.361 --> 00:10:25.761 Are you the demon hunters? 00:10:28.330 --> 00:10:29.686 I need your help. 00:10:29.710 --> 00:10:30.710 We'll do it. 00:10:37.729 --> 00:10:40.562 (dramatic music)