Dear White People (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Chapter III - full transcript

[classical music playing]

[narrator] It's election time
at Winchester,

a chance for the campus to choose

their student body president

from a bevy
of nearly identical candidates.

With candidates like these,
voter turnout tends to be rather anemic.

That is, until this year.

It's the role Troy was groomed to play.

I bet the old Griffins would be better
with you on the field.

You're probably pretty fast.

[chuckles]



I adore the old pigskin, Marty,

but alas, I fell in love with crew.

-[phone buzzes]
-Yeah.

Excuse me.

So, um...

are they ready to put their name
on our new student center?

I set 'em, you spike 'em.

That's my boy.

[chuckles]

-Hi.
-Oh.

Hi. Dean's here.

[Fairbanks laughing]

[woman] Good to see you.

[chattering continuing]



[Troy] Dad?

Something's happening on campus.

Not now, son. You're being rude.

[narrator] Perpetually
in the shadow of his father,

Troy's never had success
standing up to him.

Dad.

-Calm down, son.
-I can't.

I got into performing arts high school,
like Wesley Snipes,

Amy Winehouse, Tupac.

Tax evasion, overdose, shot.

But-- but, Dad--

-You're going to Trinity.
-Yes, sir.

[Troy] So... we were thinking

of taking a four-day weekend
and heading up to Toronto.

See the sights.

Do a little legal Canadian wine tasting.

[chuckles]

Wait, what just happened?

-Are we still going?
-We're not going.

[narrator] This time, however,
was different.

Troy saw something in those photos

he simply could not abide.

-Dad, this is serious.
-[laughing]

You're being rude, son.

How about I tell your donors about
the kind of school they're giving to?

You listen to me.

No, you listen to me for once.

We need to get the campus police
over to Garmin House now.

[shouting]

Just take that shit off.

I'm pouring out your motherfuckin' liquor.
I'm pouring out your liquor.

Thanks for the heads-up.

Thanks for making sure
they don't arrest the black kids.

Nice party.

Dude, I have no idea
who these people are or why they're here.

Yo, yo, Kurt, on the real,

can I fuck in your room?

[narrator] In the wake of the party,

with students of color needing an advocate

and white students needing
to assuage their guilt,

Troy became the man of the moment.

[funk music playing]

[woman moaning]

[music continuing]

[heavy breathing]

Damn, girl.

[laughs]

Don't put it down so good then.

It's the only way I know how.

[knock on door]

What's up, man? You need something?

[Lionel] Uh, just wanted
to take you up on that haircut.

[chuckles] Oh, shit.

Bet, man, bet.

Meet me in the bathroom.

Mm-hmm, that is not
what you were wearing last night.

[inhales sharply]

Walks of shame are for the ratchet.

Jackie O. or Marilyn?

Is this some girl riddle

where the only answer is I'm an asshole?

When you get elected today,

am I your Jackie O.

or your Marilyn?

Hmm.

I hate any hypothetical that ends with me
getting shot in the head.

All of the above?

Mm, that doesn't work for everything.

So, uh...

see you later or

are you rationing that
so I don't get addicted?

I'll text you.

Brush your teeth.

[door clicks shut]

Now I gotta get these edges super crispy

because you motherfuckers
are picky as shit.

[scoffs] I'm not like that.

[Troy] Want to listen to some music?

-[Sam] This party is what it took
-[Lionel] Sure.

to wake this campus up.

[texts chiming]

Look, I sent the invite. I wrote it.

♪ Every time I see your face ♪

♪ Or look into your eyes ♪

♪ I'm lost in time and space... ♪

[Sam] I'm becoming a mainstay here.

[Fairbanks] I cannot believe you made

such a spectacle
of sending out that invite,

and I will not sit by

while you instigate a race war
on my campus.

You don't accuse your doctor
of infecting you

just because she diagnosed your problem.

Allow me to diagnose your problem.

You got a nasty case of misplaced rage.

Fortunately, I've got a cure for that.

[scoffs] Seeing what you did to your son,

I imagine it involves brainwashing.

[Fairbanks] You are on probation.

One more incident like this, and you will
have to find another campus to blow up.

Now, I hear that Harvard

has really loosened
their admission standards.

Please, see yourself out.

Good meeting?

Fucking fantastic.

I don't know what you ever saw
in that girl.

She's a hothead.

Her rhetoric makes this campus
look like a powder keg

of racial unrest, like a state school.

Now, it's gonna be hard enough for you

to convince these students

to vote and elect
their first black president.

Relax. We're good.

The article in The Independent
was basically a love letter.

Oh, so you want to take a day off?

[sighs]

You're Odysseus

with Ithaca in plain sight.

And you... want to take a nap.

You remember what happened to him,
don't you?

He reached Ithaca safely?

I never finished the Odyssey.

He fell asleep.

And his men cut open
his prized possessions,

unleashing the adverse winds

that sent him back across the ocean,

adding years to his journey.

Spoiler alert.

Look, nigga,

you're gonna hit these ivy-lined streets,

and you're gonna leave neither

hand unshaken or baby unkissed.

Yes, sir.

[knocking on door]

One sec!

Hey. Uh, I was thinking...

[coughs]

I could hit the campaign trail
with you.

Sure.

What, the, uh, paper

wants to see how I campaign?

Uh... yes.

This is totally an assignment
for the paper.

Cool, all right.

[door clicks shut]

[sighs]

[Troy] Yo, my computer science majors,

when are you guys gonna invite me to D&D?

I got a wizard ready
to whoop Zargon's ass.

[laughs] We don't have time
to quest right now, Troy.

We've been trying
to perfect this VR interface,

which is impossible
on Winchester's Paleolithic network.

Hmm. Number one on my agenda:

bring fiber optic Internet to Winchester.

How are you supposed
to make the next Facebook

on MySpace speeds?

-[chuckles]
-Vote Fairbanks.

Winchester is not just a school to me.

I practically grew up here.

And that party wasn't just painful.
It was embarrassing.

We didn't land on Winchester.

Winchester landed on us.

I got caught up.

We need to work together
to make our voices stronger!

[speaking Spanish]

Too bad we can't vote.

With me as your lifeline,

we will have unprecedented access
to the administration.

So we should vote for you

because your father's the HNIC?

No, because of all the other candidates,

who do you think is gonna have your back?

Especially after that shit you pulled.

[Troy] Sam, help a brother out.

What's it gonna take to get your support?

You could put a political foot
in Pastiche's ass

for this blatant racism they call satire.

[Troy] As students of color at Winchester,

we're like this dumpling:

a mix of exciting flavors

surrounded by bland, white dough.

But...

when brought together with love,

it can be...

beautiful.

Damn.

This brother can do anything.

[chuckles]

Oh, Pastiche...

is going to pay.

[chattering]

Am I the only one who sees
that this emperor is bare-ass naked?

Look, I know we don't agree
on a lot of things--

Most things.

Like, all the things.

Then vote for Aidan,

Colin or Muffy

if you can tell 'em apart.

[laughing]

[Troy] Hey, ladies, having fun?

Hardly.

This display of toxic masculinity

and peacocking perpetuates a rape culture
on campus.

Couldn't agree with you more, my sister.

Number one on my agenda:

open social clubs to all genders.

Tro-bama! My man.

When you win,
can I be your Secret Service?

Those dudes get all the pussy.

[inhales] Getting you all the pussy?

Number one on my agenda.

Vote Fairbanks.

[man over PA] Next group,
Men's Crew versus Bechet.

[man] Yo, Troy, get in on this!

[Thane] Let's see what you got.

[all chanting]
Troy! Troy! Troy! Troy! Troy!

Troy! Troy! Troy! Troy!

-[man] Come on!
-[whistle blows]

[cheering]

-[grunting]
-[whistle blows]

Whoo!

Don't forget. Vote Fairbanks.

[cheers and applause]

[Lionel] Last question.

Why is it important
that people vote for you?

It isn't.

It's important to vote, period.

Whether on a collegiate, local
or national level,

what makes this country great

is that we have the power
to choose our leaders.

[camera shutters clicking]

And the broken vending machine in Bechet

that gives two-for-one sodas?

That also makes this country great.

[laughing]

[camera shutters clicking]

[beeps]

My dad says if I lose,
he's moving to Canada.

[laughs]

Fingers crossed
that I can remain stateside.

-[woman] Yeah.
-[laughing]

If you'll excuse us a moment.

Son, I'd like you
to say hello to Neika Hobbs,

African-American Studies professor.

And student faculty liaison.

I guess we'll be working closely together.

Well, I apologize in advance.

You're a better person than I.

In politics, you can't tell people
to go fuck themselves.

If I don't do that once a week,

I get a migraine.

-[laughing]
-Ah, Monique.

How lovely to see you.

Hey, when are you two tying the knot?

Good question.

Well, why don't we just enjoy our love

pure and untouched
by the heteronormative culture,

the way God intended?

But when I have an answer
to your question,

you'll be the first to know.

Ah.

-[laughing]
-Okay.

Ah, Nancy!

Come on.

Well, I guess I'll see you around,
Mr. President.

Students should leave Winchester
with more than

just a degree and a beer belly.

If you were a cat owner
and only all cats were dying in America,

if someone said to you, "All pets matter,"

you'd be upset, too.

Beyoncé would make a fantastic candidate

for an honorary degree.

[chattering]

[chuckles] Troy.

You remember Thane.
Best running back in the Ivies.

Tro-bama.

Ha, very clever, very clever.

Now, listen, we still have the support
of the Griffins, yes?

Hell yeah, bro.

Glad someone's having a good time.

[Fairbanks] You're not them.

-Ah, Stacy!
-Walter!

This party's a fucking snooze-fest.

I mean, there's some quality MILFs
up in here,

but I need about...

six more whiskeys

before I taste the early bird special,

if you know what I mean.

Oh, Lionel.

Have you met Thane Lockwood?

I'm on my way out.

No, you should interview him
about how the team is doing this year.

I don't really cover sports.

Well,
it's time to expand your horizons.

-[sighs]
-Sometimes I get tired of football...

-Sprite, please.
-[phone dings]

It's the mighty Fairbanks.

-Ha-ha.
-[chuckles]

I just want to say
you're doing a great job.

Well, I learn by watching you,
President Fletcher.

Oh, see?

That's what I always liked about you.

You're even smoother than your father.

It feels like yesterday you were just
a toddler taking your first steps

in your father's office.

-Look at you now.
-Walking like a champ.

Next semester? Jogging.

[both laughing]

Uh, two champagnes, please.

Troy, when you are elected president--

If.

When.

I hope you'll look out for my boy

any way you can.

God knows...

Kurt really needs it
after that disgraceful party.

Number one on my agenda.

-[glasses clink]
-To you.

Now,

you'll have to excuse me.

I think Diane and Richard
are just drunk enough

to buy us a new track.

Diane!

Oh, you look stunning.

I'll take that, thank you.

It's just one glass of champagne.

And you're one year away
from legally being able to drink it.

I'm all talked out, Dad.

Probably should just head home
and shut it down.

Okay.

Good night, son.

[muffled rap music playing]

[phone dings]

Just the man I wanted to see.

Well, I can't say the same.

I need your help.

People think I threw that racist party,
but I didn't send out those invitations.

Let me guess, the only reason you didn't
is because your dad found out?

No, I realize we live in a delicate time
rife with racial tensions.

And my dad found out.

Yeah, if you're so innocent,

then why was I the one
that called the cops and not you?

[Kurt] 'Cause Sam invited people over.

They showed up at my house,

and, you know, purple drink

ain't gonna serve itself,
know what I mean?

-Wow.
-I'm kidding.

I'm kid-- look, Troy.

If you get elected,
you need to give me a pardon.

-Not a governor.
-A social pardon.

I've been bailing you out
since grade school.

Remember that time you put the boot
on the kid's wheelchair tire?

Just because his legs didn't work
doesn't mean he wasn't an asshole.

You know, the BSU is pissed at you.

And they're not wrong.

What the fuck was that lawn jockey shit
on your cover?

It's a commentary on how people don't even
know why they're angry anymore.

The lawn jockey used to signal to slaves

on the Underground Railroad
if a house was safe.

Where did you get that from?

Wikipedia, man.

[scoffs]

You are tiptoeing
towards "piece of shit," man.

Oh, so Sam's the only one
who's allowed to be provocative?

-[phone dings]
-[Kurt] If you threw

a white-face party, I'd defend you.

[Troy] That's not a thing!

Not yet!

Hey!

Who wants to see me fly?

-[all cheering]
-Whoo!

[Neika] I can't believe your father

introduces us every time.

Eye of the tiger,

memory of the goldfish.

[both chuckle]

How long has it been?

Two years?

Well, tomorrow's our anniversary.

I'm just kidding.

[breathes deeply]

You look tense.

And you look beautiful.

And you look like you have on
too many clothes.

Mmm. [kisses]

Ooh.

I remember those games.

Someone marking their territory. [kisses]

Yeah?

How's Monique?

[laughs]

That's funny, Troy.

So...

so who'd you vote for?

[exhales sharply]

The white one.

Troy, your father has a life of his own.

Why are you living yours for him?

He pays my room and board?

Today at Armstrong-Parker, I told everyone
how bad I wanted to fight for them.

And you know what?

What?

Think I meant it.

Then why did you vote for someone else?

You don't think you deserve
to wear that crown?

Look at me.

Let me let you in on a little secret.

No one does.

[phone dings]

[exhales]

Troy.

It's 6:30.

And congratulations, you won.

Come on, we gotta go.

Let's go before the team gets here.

Yeah.

[chattering]

-Oh.
-We're fucked.

We're gonna figure this shit out.

Professor Hobbs, Troy,
thank God you're here.

We wanted to get here
before the team.

Yeah, he was showing me the boats.

-She's a lesbian.
-I love boats.

Who cares?

Thane Lockwood died last night.

[Troy] Oh, God.

So that's why everyone is here.
That's why we're here.

This is so tragic and so sad.

So sad.

He tried to fly...

and... he couldn't.

So, so sad.

-Mm, my heart.
-Did you call anyone?

[phone dings]

[Neika moaning]

♪ Yeah, I don't know where to start ♪

♪ How do you admit
That you're falling apart? ♪

♪ Well, maybe I should fuck it
And be happy instead ♪

♪ I should just say fuck it
And be happy instead, right? ♪

Right.

♪ 'Cause there's a lot of people trying
To tell me how to deal with myself ♪

♪ But I'm not gonna listen
If you mention my health ♪

♪ I don't care ♪

♪ Don't tell me and don't text me ♪

♪ 'Cause that kind of shit upsets me
Just kind of affects me ♪

♪ And it's bringing me down ♪

♪ And I'm not gonna lie
These days I prefer to not be outside ♪

♪ These days I just end up spending all
Of my time with my girlfriend ♪

♪ But to be honest
I think that's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause time keeps rolling
And I'm just making songs ♪

♪ I'm doing my best ♪

♪ Still find myself stressed ♪

♪ And I'm no longer sure where I belong ♪

♪ I'm starting to rust ♪

♪ Don't know who to trust ♪