Dear White People (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Chapter I - full transcript
As college radio host Samantha White leads the outcry over a blackface party by a campus fraternity, a revelation about her love life puts her in an awkward spot.
[drumroll]
[narrator] Ah, Winchester University.
Hello.
The writers of this
program are depending
on my ethnic but nonthreatening voice
to explain things they are too lazy
to set up traditionally.
Only two months into the semester,
and already the ninth
Ivy League's quads buzz
with future Olympians and presidents,
with innovators trying
to crack the next Facebook,
with diverse students being forced
into group shots
- for the admissions brochure.
- [camera shutter clicks]
One of Winchester's
most well-known groups
is the humor magazine Pastiche,
whose members have left
their mark as satirists,
television writers,
and most recently...
hosts of a blackface party.
[man] Yeah!
[narrator] Ah, look, Serena Williams.
- That's an actual black person.
- [cell phone camera shutter clicks]
That's... I guess Nicki Minaj?
I'm not sure.
Even more blackface.
Apparently this is a thing
that white children are into.
Google it.
If you couldn't tell, there's lots more
going on at this party...
[thudding]
- [cheering]
- [narrator] ...than meets the eye.
Oh, more actual black people.
I wonder if they'll find this amusing.
- [woman] How dare you?
- [man] This is bullshit.
- [man] What the hell is this?
- [woman] You are not Beyoncé.
- [screaming]
- [glass shatters]
[narrator] They do not.
[siren wailing]
[man] Everyone back in
the house right now!
Drinks down!
[narrator] Unpacking
this egregious event
will take some time,
but an excellent place to begin
our saga is with Samantha White,
a junior media studies major
and local provocateur.
Slavery in America.
Anybody like to volunteer
to lead the discussion?
[narrator] As one of the few black faces
in this mostly white place...
- [man] Anyone?
- [narrator] ...Sam had become
used to episodes like this...
[man] Anyone
with some special connection
to the material?
[narrator] ...and run-ins like these.
You look like Beyoncé.
Storm from the X-Men.
Wait, what are you?
[narrator] Sam had enough
and took to Winchester's
syndicated student radio station.
Dear white people, here's a little tip.
When you ask someone
who looks ethnically different,
"What are you?"
the answer is usually,
"A person about to slap
the shit out of you."
[narrator] While Sam's show,
aptly titled Dear White People,
garnered a diverse set of listeners...
Who is this chick?
[narrator]...others was butthurt.
Keeping with its vow to mock anyone
deemed too self-important,
Pastiche set out to take
down Samantha White
by throwing a politically
incorrect party
for all those burdened by her demands
for racial sensitivity.
However, after pressure
from the administration,
- the party was canceled.
- [electronic beep]
But somehow, unbeknownst to Pastiche,
an invite went out anyway.
And it is here we find
Sam and her camera,
at the epicenter
of one of the biggest scandals
to hit Winchester so far.
And like most parties,
the hangover from this one...
is a motherfucker.
[percussive music]
[woman scatting]
♪ All these people poppin' round ♪
♪ I swear I need an Adderall ♪
♪ But I won't let them witness ♪
♪ What's in close with what I think... ♪
Dear white people,
here's a list of acceptable
Halloween costumes:
a pirate,
slutty nurse,
any of our first 43 presidents.
Top of the list
of unacceptable costumes: me.
Winchester couldn't get through 2017
without blackface?
♪ 'Cause I really don't care ♪
♪ And I'm still kinda young... ♪
Oh, I'm sorry.
Am I being too loud for you?
You know I stay woke, Sam,
but right now, I'm getting the tea
on how to be waist thin and ass thick
from this white bitch in Texas.
Okay, one, you're gorge.
And, two, is "white bitch in Texas"
her government name?
Her name's Marian Updike,
and she's the founder
of the Think Slim online course,
and she be dropping the knowledge I need
to drop my sophomore 16.
- [cell phone buzzes]
- Not a thing.
[woman] I'm learning how
to enjoy a decadent McRib.
Miss Updike told me to cut it
into fourths and count my chews.
Thirty, by the way.
[Sam] I can't with you,
and what's more, I won't.
- [woman chuckles]
- Look.
For those of you
who thought our ivory tower
was immune to this type of shit...
- [alarm ringing]
- [man] Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
Okay, I'm pretty sure the McRib
was invented by Republicans in the '80s
to destroy black communities,
along with crack and Jerry Springer.
Suck it, Reagan. I'm still here.
And please know that I will
be showing up on McRib day
in a Shirley Chisholm T-shirt
sans internal conflict.
Is McRib day a thing?
Where are you getting
these Shirley Chisholm T-shirts?
Forever 21.
Girl, you know I have no shame.
- Well...
- [cell phone buzzing]
- Aside from my one secret shame.
- Only one?
Sam, I've been secretly streaming
The Cosby Show.
My conscience? Riddled with guilt.
[Sam] It's just really convenient
that this all came out
once white people realized
he was rich enough to buy NBC.
I mean, he probably did that shit.
I'm just saying.
Yeah, probably.
[woman vocalizing]
All right, y'all.
Five minutes left for call-ins.
Give me your worst.
[man] I find your show offensive
and highly divisive.
We need to come together
at times like this.
[Sam] Are you a white male?
[man] Why? Race is a social construct.
[Sam] I'll take that as a yes.
Look, I didn't create the divide.
I'm just calling attention to it.
[woman] "Dear White People"?
Even you have to admit
your show comes off aggressive.
[Sam] Dear White People is a misnomer.
My show is meant to articulate
the feelings of a misrepresented group
outside the majority.
I get it.
The realization that you contribute
to a racist society can be unsettling,
but you sound like
a grown-ass woman to me.
Next.
Listen, the man could take an episode
about Rudy getting a B-minus
and stretch it into a half hour
of comedic gold.
Oh, God, I pray he didn't stretch
little Rudy out
in any other way.
- Bitch, you going to hell.
- I'll save you a seat.
[man] Thanks for saying
what we're all thinking.
Sometimes, I feel like I don't belong
on my own campus.
[Sam] Right?
They too busy patting themselves
on the back for letting us in.
Hey, thanks for hanging out
during the show.
You give me shit, but if I wasn't there
to talk about the McRib...
Shit would get way too real
for a Monday morning.
[chuckles] I got you, always.
We chilling before Black Caucus?
- I got plans.
- Hmm.
Dick-related plans?
Ain't nobody got time for no dick.
Not even Reggie's?
Shh.
He's coming over here.
Anyway, I gotta cut my
footage for doc class.
Just text me when you're going down.
Hmm, how about you text me
when you're done going down, mm-kay?
You...
[both laugh]
- What's up, Sam?
- Hey.
'Sup, Reggie?
So, uh, what you up to?
[heavy breathing]
[Sam giggles]
[moaning]
[man grunting and Sam moaning]
[Sam giggles]
[moaning]
[gasping]
[both panting]
[sighing]
Did you, uh...
[Sam] Mm-hmm.
[laughs] Twice.
What?
[laughs]
That's such an unfair advantage.
[chuckles]
What are you doing?
Uh, crushing candy.
- Right after?
- Mm-hmm.
[man grunting]
[slide whistle plays on phone]
What level are you on?
[slide whistle playing on phone]
No, no, no, no, no.
- Absolutely not.
- What?
You're supposed to spread
all this jelly, you know.
- Ew.
- It's not "ew."
It's imperative to the game. Look.
- Come here. Okay.
- [clears throat]
Look, this is why
you're still stuck on level 20.
Yeah? Spreading this digital goo.
This is one of the most
pressing issues of our time.
Okay, you gonna give me
my phone back, though.
What? No.
- Gabe.
- What?
Give me my phone back.
I don't know what you're talking about.
- Give...
- No.
- Gabe.
- No.
[Gabe] You're so silly.
[Sam] Gabe?
What? You want this?
- You don't want it?
- Mnh-mnh.
- No?
- [laughing]
[Gabe] You think you're so slick.
Okay, no, no, no, no.
- No, no.
- What? What?
Stop, you're gonna mess up my hair.
- Huh?
- Like, more.
Yeah, I am.
I'm gonna mess up that hair
like a light drizzle
on a much too humid day.
- [phone buzzing]
- [laughing]
[clears throat] Reggie wants you.
[groans] Shit.
I'm supposed to represent
for the BSU at this caucus.
Mm.
[Sam] Oh.
Reggie's a...
Reggie's a cool guy.
Yeah, except for when he corners you
with a "'Sup?"
Or a "So..."
Ellipses implied.
You guys gonna talk about the party?
What else?
Man, it's just so fucked.
You know I could, uh...
I could come with.
Oh.
No, it's cool.
It's, um...
It's members only.
[clears throat]
So... you're a shark.
- That's cool. I get that.
- [chuckles]
You know, you're always moving,
and you only slow down to kill...
Gabe, I know how analogies work.
[both laugh]
I guess what I'm saying
is, you know, it's, uh...
You know, romance in a place like this,
it's been reduced to, like,
hooking up, you know?
Mm, romance.
[Gabe] It doesn't exist here.
I want to be more than just
a hot lay for you, Sam.
[laughing]
Yeah.
All right.
What CW show are we in?
You know what I'm trying to say.
You want more.
Yeah.
Oh. Um...
I gotta go get a shower.
So...
- Later, gator.
- [chuckles]
[sighs]
[Sam] Lionel Higgins, right?
Um, yes.
From the Winchester Independent.
Covering this meeting.
I just need someone
to give me the lay of the land.
[Sam] Sure.
You did that article
about breaking up the party.
Yeah.
Why haven't we heard of you before?
[Lionel] I'm not that notable.
Something tells me that's not true.
[chattering]
Well, generally speaking,
Black Caucus is when
the different black student unions
at Winchester get together
for a completely masturbatory
and pointless pissing contest
under the guise of unity.
Held during lunchtime
at Armstrong Parker once a month
because nobody wants
to make room on their schedule.
- And we already eat here.
- Is this off the record?
[Sam] You can quote us all you want.
We got the Black Student
Union, headed by me,
Winchester's first and
only relevant group
fighting for black causes on campus.
We got the African-American
Student Union,
or AASU, which basically does nothing
and takes credit for
the work of the BSU.
They claim mac and cheese Wednesdays,
but we made that shit happen.
Yes.
We got Black American Forum or Black AF.
Mostly mediocre slam poets.
They make hashtags and T-shirts.
- And throw dope parties.
- Mm-hmm.
- And then there's...
- [Troy] CORE.
The Coalition of Racial Equality.
And the only group here invited to sit
at the dean's quarterly student council.
Don't say "the dean"
like he's not your father.
- Hi, Lionel.
- Hi, Troy.
I trust your story's portrayal
of these fine groups
will go unbiased.
- You got it, Troy.
- [chuckles]
Some things never change.
Some things do.
Coco.
CORE's new treasurer.
Real name: Colandrea.
C-o-l-a-n-d-r-e-a.
For accuracy.
Don't do it with that mess atop your
head you like to pass off as natural,
held together by bobby pins and prayer?
- Lord.
- You want to go there?
With half of India's GDP atop your head?
- Oh.
- They kinda got beef.
- Picked that up.
- We have nothing, sweets.
I happen to find her viewpoints
to be little more than self-serving,
blacker-than-thou propaganda.
Feel free to quote me, Lionel.
Yo, fam, can we cut
the Love & Hip Hop auditions
and get to it?
[man] Post-racial my ass.
Everyone said we were crying wolf,
but this is our proof.
A bunch of white kids
dressing up like us?
I mean, this is some real shit.
Yeah, guys, you know what this is?
- This is racism.
- What a revelation, Kelsey.
Somebody should write this down.
Paper boy, you got that?
[Kelsey] I thought this kind of thing
only happened in the '50s
or in BuzzFeed articles.
I don't feel safe.
I'd like to use this meeting
to cull some thoughts that CORE
can actually take to the dean.
What the hell's the Coalish gonna do?
Y'all should let the BSU take lead
because we've been fighting these issues
since jump.
[man] We need a march on campus, fam.
- ♪Sinchester.
- [man] Uh-huh.
- ♪BlackFarceParty.
- [woman] Yeah, yeah.
- ♪FuckThePolice!
- [man] Uh-huh.
- [woman] Yeah.
- That one's evergreen.
Damn straight. These
kids amuse themselves
by wearing black bodies as costumes,
and we're the only ones upset?
We got to bust this campus wide open.
[woman] Yes, Brother Malcolm.
Ma-ma-se, ma-ma-sa, ma-ma-ku-sa.
Just to play devs,
all my white friends
are talking about it.
- So all your friends?
- [Kelsey] Yelling at people
who are already on our side
using hashtags and marches?
[cell phone buzzes]
Cathartic though it may be,
it just makes us look angry.
We are angry, Kelsey.
So the AASU proposes we do nothing.
[Troy] That's not what she said.
[Kelsey] Pastiche are the bad guys.
- Let's go after them.
- [Sam] For what?
- Their editor is Kurt Fletcher.
- [cell phones buzzing]
Son of the president.
Nothing is going to happen
to him or Pastiche.
You know, in the real world,
kids are getting shot by cops
for being black.
Voter rights are still being suppressed.
Our criminal justice system
continues to propagate a new Jim Crow.
This isn't about a college magazine.
This is about a movement.
We're surrounded by the future
leaders of this country,
and we finally got their ear.
- So what do we want to say?
- About what now?
You just got tagged on this.
Miss Black Power over here
dating white boys.
[chattering]
[sighs]
So...
what y'all talking 'bout?
Pussy.
Bitches.
Sam, I was saying nothing,
because it is none of my business
what goes on behind your sheets.
It's "between your sheets," Rashid.
[Rashid] I speak five languages.
You speak one, barely.
Do not correct my English.
[man mockingly]
"Do not correct my English."
[Kelsey] Sam...
I'm happy if you're happy.
Okay?
[Sam] What?
Nothing.
Talking shit behind my back?
You're fucking someone behind mine.
He's my TA from doc class.
We went for drinks once over the summer,
and you know there ain't
shit to do over the summer.
You know what?
I'm happy for you, Sam.
Don't do that, Jo. Not you.
I have to unpack my best friend
having a secret bae.
Secret or white?
Both.
You know I'm biracial, so technically...
Look, don't.
You're not Rashida Jones biracial.
You're Tracee Ellis Ross biracial.
People think of you as black.
[sighs] This is why I didn't say shit.
No, you didn't say shit
because you stay talking
about how we can't give up on our men.
Sam, we met in the comments section
of that Medium article you wrote.
"Don't Fall in Love with Your Oppressor:
A Black Girl's Guide
to Love at Winchester."
That one got so many likes.
What's crazy is you
got guys like Reggie
wanting to drink your bathwater.
He's literally Dap from
School Daze, but darker,
and you pass him up for Mackle-less?
I thought I knew who I was.
I thought I knew what I wanted,
but when I'm with him,
I don't know.
I... [sighs]
It's like a respite from everything.
We're goofy.
We reference obscure movies.
We watch Game of Thrones.
That shit with dragons set in the world
where no one's black except the slaves?
I've tried to break it off before,
but he sends one text,
and I can't help but smile all day long.
You hate smiling.
[laughs]
[sighs]
[groans]
So this is a thing?
Yeah, this is a thing.
[Joelle laughs]
He looks like the white dude
in the picture that
comes with the frame.
[both laughing]
He does.
[phone chimes]
Fuck.
What you got?
It's just something I gotta handle.
[sighs]
So when are we gonna meet him?
Mm...
She's not afraid of the truth.
Why are you?
[woman] Miss White, please take a seat.
[door clicks closed]
[hip-hop music playing]
So many showed.
[knock on door]
Hey.
Don't want to bug,
but I know you forget to eat.
Holy shit.
Is this the party?
You okay?
"Hate it when bae leaves"?
[clears throat]
Uh, yeah, I know.
But, you know, uh, in my defense,
the use of "bae" was purely ironic.
You didn't think to ask
before you posted that?
Uh...
Um, I'm sorry.
Are you embarrassed?
Gabe...
the best part of us
is that it was just us.
Now I feel like I've got
the entire Black Caucus
in my bedroom.
Could be kinda hot.
Oh, okay.
You're joking.
[sighs] I'm only a Millennial on paper.
I didn't realize that an Instagram post
was a relationship
stage to be navigated.
- Well, it is.
- Okay.
We can go slow.
I just want to go somewhere.
[Gabe sighs]
Don't.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Don't Gosling-eye me.
Who, this guy?
What are you doing tomorrow night?
What do you got?
[Sam] What are you wearing?
What are you talking about?
We're gonna watch a TV show.
[Sam] Not just a TV show.
Defamation Wednesdays are the epicenter
of black college life.
Okay.
- Don't you have some Js?
- Oh.
Wait, are you trying to My Fair
Lady me for your black friends?
A little.
Oh, so in this instance, you want
me to appropriate your culture.
No, I...
Mm. [chuckles]
- That's...
- Coming?
Oh, God. Since when do you
even wear sweatpants?
[Gabe] I wear them all the time.
You're always taking 'em off of me.
Well, shit, Sam,
if I knew you liked 'em light,
I woulda hollered.
Hey, I'm Gabe.
Joelle.
[light music playing on TV]
You listen to me,
and you listen very carefully.
Yes!
Yes, coat. And the boots.
[woman] You do not own me.
I am not your property. You do not look.
You do not touch. You do not grope.
And you definitely do not pinch my ass
at the White House
Correspondents' Dinner.
- [woman] Yes!
- [indistinct chatter]
[woman] He's cheating.
Well, you don't seem to mind
any other time.
There were cameras there.
Roland Martin was a mere two feet away,
and we all know how he loves
to blast people on Twitter.
I'm still in therapy
from the last time I was trending.
- But I'm in love with you.
- [man] You better tell him.
Mm-hmm.
You are the leader of the free world.
You don't get to fall in love.
And what about you?
I'm in love with my job,
which is to get
little bitch babies like you
to act like grown-ass men
when the world needs
them to do their job.
- [all exclaiming]
- That's my girl.
'Cause she gotta say
something to him, right?
- I mean...
- Well, I've got a job for you.
Blow me.
Right here in the Oval Office.
On that eagle!
[all jeering]
Oh, hell no.
Yes, Mr. President.
- No!
- [all] Oh!
[Joelle] What?
Are you serious?
I pledge allegiance to your cock.
- Wow. Wow. Wow.
- She nasty.
Daddy?
[all groaning]
- I can't.
- Okay, wait, wait.
- So who is that?
- That's her father.
Well, actually a clone of her father
who works undercover for the CIA
after her real father's untimely death.
Provided the perfect cover.
That's a little, uh...
that's a little far-fetched.
[Rashid] Does every American show
revolve around
fellatio-related cliffhangers?
Hey, it's in our Constitution.
Black lives are degraded without regard,
and we in here watching TV.
This is how the revolution dies.
Hey, I was thinking
we should have a sit-in.
Maybe in Bechet's dining hall?
Where the white legacy kids live?
[Sam] Exactly.
Engage the part of the student body
that has the luxury of ignoring us.
Not everything we do has to be geared
toward white people, Sam.
Hey, is this about the party?
[Reggie] Nah.
We planning to protest the library.
Too many books in that motherfucker.
[both laughing]
You know, in 2017,
I can't believe something like this
could happen.
Really? 'Cause I can.
I mean, it's almost
like you and I attend
two totally separate schools.
Hey, man, I'm just as
pissed off as you are.
- Not possible.
- [Gabe] No, uh...
Look, that's not what I meant.
Bro, just because you got
a black chick on your arm
doesn't mean you get
to Miley Cyrus our pain, a'ight?
Reggie. Chill.
[Gabe] No, no, no. No, no, look.
You're absolutely right.
I have no idea how you feel.
But I want to.
Look, I'm Gabe.
Why are you even here?
What are you gonna do, hit me?
It might surprise you,
but I don't use my fists
to solve problems.
Hit you?
Nigga, I should hit you
for thinking that I would hit you.
You know what?
It's not worth it.
Ga...
Sam... I'm sorry.
Everything that's going... Sam.
- [Joelle] Sam, you okay?
- [woman] Turn it up.
[woman on TV] Daddy?
But I buried you on Tuesday.
Holla if you need me, girl!
Ooh, shit!
Hey, are you all right?
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm sorry to embarrass
you in front of all your friends.
Oh, so you felt like the odd man out
for two minutes.
Guess what. I feel like that
every day on this campus.
Yes, society sucks,
but I would never let my friends
make you feel you didn't
belong in my world.
Oh, and don't worry.
I'm gonna delete the post.
Sam?
Can we talk?
Wait, you hacked
into Dean Fairbanks' computer?
That's a thing that can happen?
Some CS major
ran a redirected shell script,
analyzed the active network interface,
and routed...
Yes, it's a thing that can happen.
What's this got to do with me?
Sam...
we have hard evidence
that someone broke into
Pastiche's Facebook account
and sent out an invite
for the blackface party.
Shit.
My editor wants to run with the
story as soon as possible,
but...
if someone else breaks
it before we do...
You know?
You'd ruin your own scoop?
I guess I just don't like the idea
of telling someone else's truth.
[slow tempo] ♪ I've got
a one-way ticket ♪
♪ It's gonna take me out of here... ♪
[rapping]
♪ Ooh, I'm black, and I'm proud ♪
♪ I'm black, they can't keep me down ♪
♪ I'm black in black with a smile ♪
♪ A black Beemer to match ♪
♪ Two Afro puffs in the back... ♪
Sam! I'm so glad you're here.
I just need you to leave immediately.
What are you talking about?
What's she doing here?
Listen, I'm just filling your time slot
with Dear Abigail
until this whole blackface controversy
blows over.
Dear Abigail?
I'm getting complaints from all over.
I've had trolls since day one.
Okay, people just don't get
how you can have a show
called Dear White People
and then complain about a party
called Dear Black People.
If I hear "reverse
racism" one more time...
Reverse racism?
- Really?
- Yeah.
[sighs]
I get it.
- You were just doing your job.
- Thank you.
Well, would you mind if I
read some of the complaints?
Sure, yeah, yeah. Come to my office.
I could not believe there's
so many racists on this campus.
The more you know, right?
I guess you know.
You must get this all the time.
- Hey, hey!
- [Abigail] ...a very bad roommate
my freshman year.
- [Sam] You? Out.
- Okay.
- Yeah, excuse me.
- Okay.
Sorry.
[exhales sharply]
Dear white people, wow.
Y'all really trying it.
I get that being reduced
to a race-based generalization
is a new and devastating experience
for some of you,
but here's the difference.
My jokes don't incarcerate your youth
at alarming rates
or make it unsafe for you
to walk around your own neighborhoods.
But yours do.
When you mock or belittle us,
you enforce an existing system.
Cops everywhere
staring down the barrel of a gun
at a black man
don't see a human being.
They see a caricature...
a thug...
a nigger.
A nigger. A nigger.
So... nah!
You don't get to show up
in a Halloween costume version of us
and claim irony or ignorance,
not anymore.
Before this party...
a POC on this campus
couldn't even think the word "racism"
without being accused of crying wolf.
But just like it took
a Sandra Bland,
a Trayvon Martin,
and a Philando Castile
to wake some folks up,
this party is what it took
to wake this campus up.
Look.
I sent the invite.
I wrote it.
Broke into Pastiche's account
and sent it.
It was fascinating to see
what was lurking beneath the surface
when you were given an excuse to suspend
your polite, passive liberalism.
I considered it a
sociological experiment.
And guess what.
You proved my point.
Winchester, we got a problem.
Oh, one more thing.
To Gabe Mitchell,
I'm sorry.
Please forgive me.
♪ HateltWhen bae's mad.
- [woman] I should say
that to my roommate?
- [cell phone buzzes]
All she did was leave a
wet towel on my bed.
You know, I'll try it.
- Thanks, Abigail.
- [clicks]
[cell phone buzzing]
- [music playing]
- [vocalizing]
♪ That's how the good Lord works ♪
♪ That's how the good Lord works ♪
♪ That's how the good Lord works ♪
♪ That's how He works ♪
♪ That's how the good Lord work s ♪
♪ That's how the good Lord works ♪
♪ That's how the good Lord works ♪
♪ That's how He works ♪
♪ We must not question the good Lord ♪
♪ Have faith in God and trust His word ♪
♪ We don't know how We don't know when ♪
♪ To see His day, we shall stand ♪
♪ We must not question the good Lord ♪
♪ Have faith in God and trust His word ♪
♪ We don't know how We don't know when ♪
♪ To see His day, we shall stand ♪
[vocalizing]
[narrator] Ah, Winchester University.
Hello.
The writers of this
program are depending
on my ethnic but nonthreatening voice
to explain things they are too lazy
to set up traditionally.
Only two months into the semester,
and already the ninth
Ivy League's quads buzz
with future Olympians and presidents,
with innovators trying
to crack the next Facebook,
with diverse students being forced
into group shots
- for the admissions brochure.
- [camera shutter clicks]
One of Winchester's
most well-known groups
is the humor magazine Pastiche,
whose members have left
their mark as satirists,
television writers,
and most recently...
hosts of a blackface party.
[man] Yeah!
[narrator] Ah, look, Serena Williams.
- That's an actual black person.
- [cell phone camera shutter clicks]
That's... I guess Nicki Minaj?
I'm not sure.
Even more blackface.
Apparently this is a thing
that white children are into.
Google it.
If you couldn't tell, there's lots more
going on at this party...
[thudding]
- [cheering]
- [narrator] ...than meets the eye.
Oh, more actual black people.
I wonder if they'll find this amusing.
- [woman] How dare you?
- [man] This is bullshit.
- [man] What the hell is this?
- [woman] You are not Beyoncé.
- [screaming]
- [glass shatters]
[narrator] They do not.
[siren wailing]
[man] Everyone back in
the house right now!
Drinks down!
[narrator] Unpacking
this egregious event
will take some time,
but an excellent place to begin
our saga is with Samantha White,
a junior media studies major
and local provocateur.
Slavery in America.
Anybody like to volunteer
to lead the discussion?
[narrator] As one of the few black faces
in this mostly white place...
- [man] Anyone?
- [narrator] ...Sam had become
used to episodes like this...
[man] Anyone
with some special connection
to the material?
[narrator] ...and run-ins like these.
You look like Beyoncé.
Storm from the X-Men.
Wait, what are you?
[narrator] Sam had enough
and took to Winchester's
syndicated student radio station.
Dear white people, here's a little tip.
When you ask someone
who looks ethnically different,
"What are you?"
the answer is usually,
"A person about to slap
the shit out of you."
[narrator] While Sam's show,
aptly titled Dear White People,
garnered a diverse set of listeners...
Who is this chick?
[narrator]...others was butthurt.
Keeping with its vow to mock anyone
deemed too self-important,
Pastiche set out to take
down Samantha White
by throwing a politically
incorrect party
for all those burdened by her demands
for racial sensitivity.
However, after pressure
from the administration,
- the party was canceled.
- [electronic beep]
But somehow, unbeknownst to Pastiche,
an invite went out anyway.
And it is here we find
Sam and her camera,
at the epicenter
of one of the biggest scandals
to hit Winchester so far.
And like most parties,
the hangover from this one...
is a motherfucker.
[percussive music]
[woman scatting]
♪ All these people poppin' round ♪
♪ I swear I need an Adderall ♪
♪ But I won't let them witness ♪
♪ What's in close with what I think... ♪
Dear white people,
here's a list of acceptable
Halloween costumes:
a pirate,
slutty nurse,
any of our first 43 presidents.
Top of the list
of unacceptable costumes: me.
Winchester couldn't get through 2017
without blackface?
♪ 'Cause I really don't care ♪
♪ And I'm still kinda young... ♪
Oh, I'm sorry.
Am I being too loud for you?
You know I stay woke, Sam,
but right now, I'm getting the tea
on how to be waist thin and ass thick
from this white bitch in Texas.
Okay, one, you're gorge.
And, two, is "white bitch in Texas"
her government name?
Her name's Marian Updike,
and she's the founder
of the Think Slim online course,
and she be dropping the knowledge I need
to drop my sophomore 16.
- [cell phone buzzes]
- Not a thing.
[woman] I'm learning how
to enjoy a decadent McRib.
Miss Updike told me to cut it
into fourths and count my chews.
Thirty, by the way.
[Sam] I can't with you,
and what's more, I won't.
- [woman chuckles]
- Look.
For those of you
who thought our ivory tower
was immune to this type of shit...
- [alarm ringing]
- [man] Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
Okay, I'm pretty sure the McRib
was invented by Republicans in the '80s
to destroy black communities,
along with crack and Jerry Springer.
Suck it, Reagan. I'm still here.
And please know that I will
be showing up on McRib day
in a Shirley Chisholm T-shirt
sans internal conflict.
Is McRib day a thing?
Where are you getting
these Shirley Chisholm T-shirts?
Forever 21.
Girl, you know I have no shame.
- Well...
- [cell phone buzzing]
- Aside from my one secret shame.
- Only one?
Sam, I've been secretly streaming
The Cosby Show.
My conscience? Riddled with guilt.
[Sam] It's just really convenient
that this all came out
once white people realized
he was rich enough to buy NBC.
I mean, he probably did that shit.
I'm just saying.
Yeah, probably.
[woman vocalizing]
All right, y'all.
Five minutes left for call-ins.
Give me your worst.
[man] I find your show offensive
and highly divisive.
We need to come together
at times like this.
[Sam] Are you a white male?
[man] Why? Race is a social construct.
[Sam] I'll take that as a yes.
Look, I didn't create the divide.
I'm just calling attention to it.
[woman] "Dear White People"?
Even you have to admit
your show comes off aggressive.
[Sam] Dear White People is a misnomer.
My show is meant to articulate
the feelings of a misrepresented group
outside the majority.
I get it.
The realization that you contribute
to a racist society can be unsettling,
but you sound like
a grown-ass woman to me.
Next.
Listen, the man could take an episode
about Rudy getting a B-minus
and stretch it into a half hour
of comedic gold.
Oh, God, I pray he didn't stretch
little Rudy out
in any other way.
- Bitch, you going to hell.
- I'll save you a seat.
[man] Thanks for saying
what we're all thinking.
Sometimes, I feel like I don't belong
on my own campus.
[Sam] Right?
They too busy patting themselves
on the back for letting us in.
Hey, thanks for hanging out
during the show.
You give me shit, but if I wasn't there
to talk about the McRib...
Shit would get way too real
for a Monday morning.
[chuckles] I got you, always.
We chilling before Black Caucus?
- I got plans.
- Hmm.
Dick-related plans?
Ain't nobody got time for no dick.
Not even Reggie's?
Shh.
He's coming over here.
Anyway, I gotta cut my
footage for doc class.
Just text me when you're going down.
Hmm, how about you text me
when you're done going down, mm-kay?
You...
[both laugh]
- What's up, Sam?
- Hey.
'Sup, Reggie?
So, uh, what you up to?
[heavy breathing]
[Sam giggles]
[moaning]
[man grunting and Sam moaning]
[Sam giggles]
[moaning]
[gasping]
[both panting]
[sighing]
Did you, uh...
[Sam] Mm-hmm.
[laughs] Twice.
What?
[laughs]
That's such an unfair advantage.
[chuckles]
What are you doing?
Uh, crushing candy.
- Right after?
- Mm-hmm.
[man grunting]
[slide whistle plays on phone]
What level are you on?
[slide whistle playing on phone]
No, no, no, no, no.
- Absolutely not.
- What?
You're supposed to spread
all this jelly, you know.
- Ew.
- It's not "ew."
It's imperative to the game. Look.
- Come here. Okay.
- [clears throat]
Look, this is why
you're still stuck on level 20.
Yeah? Spreading this digital goo.
This is one of the most
pressing issues of our time.
Okay, you gonna give me
my phone back, though.
What? No.
- Gabe.
- What?
Give me my phone back.
I don't know what you're talking about.
- Give...
- No.
- Gabe.
- No.
[Gabe] You're so silly.
[Sam] Gabe?
What? You want this?
- You don't want it?
- Mnh-mnh.
- No?
- [laughing]
[Gabe] You think you're so slick.
Okay, no, no, no, no.
- No, no.
- What? What?
Stop, you're gonna mess up my hair.
- Huh?
- Like, more.
Yeah, I am.
I'm gonna mess up that hair
like a light drizzle
on a much too humid day.
- [phone buzzing]
- [laughing]
[clears throat] Reggie wants you.
[groans] Shit.
I'm supposed to represent
for the BSU at this caucus.
Mm.
[Sam] Oh.
Reggie's a...
Reggie's a cool guy.
Yeah, except for when he corners you
with a "'Sup?"
Or a "So..."
Ellipses implied.
You guys gonna talk about the party?
What else?
Man, it's just so fucked.
You know I could, uh...
I could come with.
Oh.
No, it's cool.
It's, um...
It's members only.
[clears throat]
So... you're a shark.
- That's cool. I get that.
- [chuckles]
You know, you're always moving,
and you only slow down to kill...
Gabe, I know how analogies work.
[both laugh]
I guess what I'm saying
is, you know, it's, uh...
You know, romance in a place like this,
it's been reduced to, like,
hooking up, you know?
Mm, romance.
[Gabe] It doesn't exist here.
I want to be more than just
a hot lay for you, Sam.
[laughing]
Yeah.
All right.
What CW show are we in?
You know what I'm trying to say.
You want more.
Yeah.
Oh. Um...
I gotta go get a shower.
So...
- Later, gator.
- [chuckles]
[sighs]
[Sam] Lionel Higgins, right?
Um, yes.
From the Winchester Independent.
Covering this meeting.
I just need someone
to give me the lay of the land.
[Sam] Sure.
You did that article
about breaking up the party.
Yeah.
Why haven't we heard of you before?
[Lionel] I'm not that notable.
Something tells me that's not true.
[chattering]
Well, generally speaking,
Black Caucus is when
the different black student unions
at Winchester get together
for a completely masturbatory
and pointless pissing contest
under the guise of unity.
Held during lunchtime
at Armstrong Parker once a month
because nobody wants
to make room on their schedule.
- And we already eat here.
- Is this off the record?
[Sam] You can quote us all you want.
We got the Black Student
Union, headed by me,
Winchester's first and
only relevant group
fighting for black causes on campus.
We got the African-American
Student Union,
or AASU, which basically does nothing
and takes credit for
the work of the BSU.
They claim mac and cheese Wednesdays,
but we made that shit happen.
Yes.
We got Black American Forum or Black AF.
Mostly mediocre slam poets.
They make hashtags and T-shirts.
- And throw dope parties.
- Mm-hmm.
- And then there's...
- [Troy] CORE.
The Coalition of Racial Equality.
And the only group here invited to sit
at the dean's quarterly student council.
Don't say "the dean"
like he's not your father.
- Hi, Lionel.
- Hi, Troy.
I trust your story's portrayal
of these fine groups
will go unbiased.
- You got it, Troy.
- [chuckles]
Some things never change.
Some things do.
Coco.
CORE's new treasurer.
Real name: Colandrea.
C-o-l-a-n-d-r-e-a.
For accuracy.
Don't do it with that mess atop your
head you like to pass off as natural,
held together by bobby pins and prayer?
- Lord.
- You want to go there?
With half of India's GDP atop your head?
- Oh.
- They kinda got beef.
- Picked that up.
- We have nothing, sweets.
I happen to find her viewpoints
to be little more than self-serving,
blacker-than-thou propaganda.
Feel free to quote me, Lionel.
Yo, fam, can we cut
the Love & Hip Hop auditions
and get to it?
[man] Post-racial my ass.
Everyone said we were crying wolf,
but this is our proof.
A bunch of white kids
dressing up like us?
I mean, this is some real shit.
Yeah, guys, you know what this is?
- This is racism.
- What a revelation, Kelsey.
Somebody should write this down.
Paper boy, you got that?
[Kelsey] I thought this kind of thing
only happened in the '50s
or in BuzzFeed articles.
I don't feel safe.
I'd like to use this meeting
to cull some thoughts that CORE
can actually take to the dean.
What the hell's the Coalish gonna do?
Y'all should let the BSU take lead
because we've been fighting these issues
since jump.
[man] We need a march on campus, fam.
- ♪Sinchester.
- [man] Uh-huh.
- ♪BlackFarceParty.
- [woman] Yeah, yeah.
- ♪FuckThePolice!
- [man] Uh-huh.
- [woman] Yeah.
- That one's evergreen.
Damn straight. These
kids amuse themselves
by wearing black bodies as costumes,
and we're the only ones upset?
We got to bust this campus wide open.
[woman] Yes, Brother Malcolm.
Ma-ma-se, ma-ma-sa, ma-ma-ku-sa.
Just to play devs,
all my white friends
are talking about it.
- So all your friends?
- [Kelsey] Yelling at people
who are already on our side
using hashtags and marches?
[cell phone buzzes]
Cathartic though it may be,
it just makes us look angry.
We are angry, Kelsey.
So the AASU proposes we do nothing.
[Troy] That's not what she said.
[Kelsey] Pastiche are the bad guys.
- Let's go after them.
- [Sam] For what?
- Their editor is Kurt Fletcher.
- [cell phones buzzing]
Son of the president.
Nothing is going to happen
to him or Pastiche.
You know, in the real world,
kids are getting shot by cops
for being black.
Voter rights are still being suppressed.
Our criminal justice system
continues to propagate a new Jim Crow.
This isn't about a college magazine.
This is about a movement.
We're surrounded by the future
leaders of this country,
and we finally got their ear.
- So what do we want to say?
- About what now?
You just got tagged on this.
Miss Black Power over here
dating white boys.
[chattering]
[sighs]
So...
what y'all talking 'bout?
Pussy.
Bitches.
Sam, I was saying nothing,
because it is none of my business
what goes on behind your sheets.
It's "between your sheets," Rashid.
[Rashid] I speak five languages.
You speak one, barely.
Do not correct my English.
[man mockingly]
"Do not correct my English."
[Kelsey] Sam...
I'm happy if you're happy.
Okay?
[Sam] What?
Nothing.
Talking shit behind my back?
You're fucking someone behind mine.
He's my TA from doc class.
We went for drinks once over the summer,
and you know there ain't
shit to do over the summer.
You know what?
I'm happy for you, Sam.
Don't do that, Jo. Not you.
I have to unpack my best friend
having a secret bae.
Secret or white?
Both.
You know I'm biracial, so technically...
Look, don't.
You're not Rashida Jones biracial.
You're Tracee Ellis Ross biracial.
People think of you as black.
[sighs] This is why I didn't say shit.
No, you didn't say shit
because you stay talking
about how we can't give up on our men.
Sam, we met in the comments section
of that Medium article you wrote.
"Don't Fall in Love with Your Oppressor:
A Black Girl's Guide
to Love at Winchester."
That one got so many likes.
What's crazy is you
got guys like Reggie
wanting to drink your bathwater.
He's literally Dap from
School Daze, but darker,
and you pass him up for Mackle-less?
I thought I knew who I was.
I thought I knew what I wanted,
but when I'm with him,
I don't know.
I... [sighs]
It's like a respite from everything.
We're goofy.
We reference obscure movies.
We watch Game of Thrones.
That shit with dragons set in the world
where no one's black except the slaves?
I've tried to break it off before,
but he sends one text,
and I can't help but smile all day long.
You hate smiling.
[laughs]
[sighs]
[groans]
So this is a thing?
Yeah, this is a thing.
[Joelle laughs]
He looks like the white dude
in the picture that
comes with the frame.
[both laughing]
He does.
[phone chimes]
Fuck.
What you got?
It's just something I gotta handle.
[sighs]
So when are we gonna meet him?
Mm...
She's not afraid of the truth.
Why are you?
[woman] Miss White, please take a seat.
[door clicks closed]
[hip-hop music playing]
So many showed.
[knock on door]
Hey.
Don't want to bug,
but I know you forget to eat.
Holy shit.
Is this the party?
You okay?
"Hate it when bae leaves"?
[clears throat]
Uh, yeah, I know.
But, you know, uh, in my defense,
the use of "bae" was purely ironic.
You didn't think to ask
before you posted that?
Uh...
Um, I'm sorry.
Are you embarrassed?
Gabe...
the best part of us
is that it was just us.
Now I feel like I've got
the entire Black Caucus
in my bedroom.
Could be kinda hot.
Oh, okay.
You're joking.
[sighs] I'm only a Millennial on paper.
I didn't realize that an Instagram post
was a relationship
stage to be navigated.
- Well, it is.
- Okay.
We can go slow.
I just want to go somewhere.
[Gabe sighs]
Don't.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Don't Gosling-eye me.
Who, this guy?
What are you doing tomorrow night?
What do you got?
[Sam] What are you wearing?
What are you talking about?
We're gonna watch a TV show.
[Sam] Not just a TV show.
Defamation Wednesdays are the epicenter
of black college life.
Okay.
- Don't you have some Js?
- Oh.
Wait, are you trying to My Fair
Lady me for your black friends?
A little.
Oh, so in this instance, you want
me to appropriate your culture.
No, I...
Mm. [chuckles]
- That's...
- Coming?
Oh, God. Since when do you
even wear sweatpants?
[Gabe] I wear them all the time.
You're always taking 'em off of me.
Well, shit, Sam,
if I knew you liked 'em light,
I woulda hollered.
Hey, I'm Gabe.
Joelle.
[light music playing on TV]
You listen to me,
and you listen very carefully.
Yes!
Yes, coat. And the boots.
[woman] You do not own me.
I am not your property. You do not look.
You do not touch. You do not grope.
And you definitely do not pinch my ass
at the White House
Correspondents' Dinner.
- [woman] Yes!
- [indistinct chatter]
[woman] He's cheating.
Well, you don't seem to mind
any other time.
There were cameras there.
Roland Martin was a mere two feet away,
and we all know how he loves
to blast people on Twitter.
I'm still in therapy
from the last time I was trending.
- But I'm in love with you.
- [man] You better tell him.
Mm-hmm.
You are the leader of the free world.
You don't get to fall in love.
And what about you?
I'm in love with my job,
which is to get
little bitch babies like you
to act like grown-ass men
when the world needs
them to do their job.
- [all exclaiming]
- That's my girl.
'Cause she gotta say
something to him, right?
- I mean...
- Well, I've got a job for you.
Blow me.
Right here in the Oval Office.
On that eagle!
[all jeering]
Oh, hell no.
Yes, Mr. President.
- No!
- [all] Oh!
[Joelle] What?
Are you serious?
I pledge allegiance to your cock.
- Wow. Wow. Wow.
- She nasty.
Daddy?
[all groaning]
- I can't.
- Okay, wait, wait.
- So who is that?
- That's her father.
Well, actually a clone of her father
who works undercover for the CIA
after her real father's untimely death.
Provided the perfect cover.
That's a little, uh...
that's a little far-fetched.
[Rashid] Does every American show
revolve around
fellatio-related cliffhangers?
Hey, it's in our Constitution.
Black lives are degraded without regard,
and we in here watching TV.
This is how the revolution dies.
Hey, I was thinking
we should have a sit-in.
Maybe in Bechet's dining hall?
Where the white legacy kids live?
[Sam] Exactly.
Engage the part of the student body
that has the luxury of ignoring us.
Not everything we do has to be geared
toward white people, Sam.
Hey, is this about the party?
[Reggie] Nah.
We planning to protest the library.
Too many books in that motherfucker.
[both laughing]
You know, in 2017,
I can't believe something like this
could happen.
Really? 'Cause I can.
I mean, it's almost
like you and I attend
two totally separate schools.
Hey, man, I'm just as
pissed off as you are.
- Not possible.
- [Gabe] No, uh...
Look, that's not what I meant.
Bro, just because you got
a black chick on your arm
doesn't mean you get
to Miley Cyrus our pain, a'ight?
Reggie. Chill.
[Gabe] No, no, no. No, no, look.
You're absolutely right.
I have no idea how you feel.
But I want to.
Look, I'm Gabe.
Why are you even here?
What are you gonna do, hit me?
It might surprise you,
but I don't use my fists
to solve problems.
Hit you?
Nigga, I should hit you
for thinking that I would hit you.
You know what?
It's not worth it.
Ga...
Sam... I'm sorry.
Everything that's going... Sam.
- [Joelle] Sam, you okay?
- [woman] Turn it up.
[woman on TV] Daddy?
But I buried you on Tuesday.
Holla if you need me, girl!
Ooh, shit!
Hey, are you all right?
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm sorry to embarrass
you in front of all your friends.
Oh, so you felt like the odd man out
for two minutes.
Guess what. I feel like that
every day on this campus.
Yes, society sucks,
but I would never let my friends
make you feel you didn't
belong in my world.
Oh, and don't worry.
I'm gonna delete the post.
Sam?
Can we talk?
Wait, you hacked
into Dean Fairbanks' computer?
That's a thing that can happen?
Some CS major
ran a redirected shell script,
analyzed the active network interface,
and routed...
Yes, it's a thing that can happen.
What's this got to do with me?
Sam...
we have hard evidence
that someone broke into
Pastiche's Facebook account
and sent out an invite
for the blackface party.
Shit.
My editor wants to run with the
story as soon as possible,
but...
if someone else breaks
it before we do...
You know?
You'd ruin your own scoop?
I guess I just don't like the idea
of telling someone else's truth.
[slow tempo] ♪ I've got
a one-way ticket ♪
♪ It's gonna take me out of here... ♪
[rapping]
♪ Ooh, I'm black, and I'm proud ♪
♪ I'm black, they can't keep me down ♪
♪ I'm black in black with a smile ♪
♪ A black Beemer to match ♪
♪ Two Afro puffs in the back... ♪
Sam! I'm so glad you're here.
I just need you to leave immediately.
What are you talking about?
What's she doing here?
Listen, I'm just filling your time slot
with Dear Abigail
until this whole blackface controversy
blows over.
Dear Abigail?
I'm getting complaints from all over.
I've had trolls since day one.
Okay, people just don't get
how you can have a show
called Dear White People
and then complain about a party
called Dear Black People.
If I hear "reverse
racism" one more time...
Reverse racism?
- Really?
- Yeah.
[sighs]
I get it.
- You were just doing your job.
- Thank you.
Well, would you mind if I
read some of the complaints?
Sure, yeah, yeah. Come to my office.
I could not believe there's
so many racists on this campus.
The more you know, right?
I guess you know.
You must get this all the time.
- Hey, hey!
- [Abigail] ...a very bad roommate
my freshman year.
- [Sam] You? Out.
- Okay.
- Yeah, excuse me.
- Okay.
Sorry.
[exhales sharply]
Dear white people, wow.
Y'all really trying it.
I get that being reduced
to a race-based generalization
is a new and devastating experience
for some of you,
but here's the difference.
My jokes don't incarcerate your youth
at alarming rates
or make it unsafe for you
to walk around your own neighborhoods.
But yours do.
When you mock or belittle us,
you enforce an existing system.
Cops everywhere
staring down the barrel of a gun
at a black man
don't see a human being.
They see a caricature...
a thug...
a nigger.
A nigger. A nigger.
So... nah!
You don't get to show up
in a Halloween costume version of us
and claim irony or ignorance,
not anymore.
Before this party...
a POC on this campus
couldn't even think the word "racism"
without being accused of crying wolf.
But just like it took
a Sandra Bland,
a Trayvon Martin,
and a Philando Castile
to wake some folks up,
this party is what it took
to wake this campus up.
Look.
I sent the invite.
I wrote it.
Broke into Pastiche's account
and sent it.
It was fascinating to see
what was lurking beneath the surface
when you were given an excuse to suspend
your polite, passive liberalism.
I considered it a
sociological experiment.
And guess what.
You proved my point.
Winchester, we got a problem.
Oh, one more thing.
To Gabe Mitchell,
I'm sorry.
Please forgive me.
♪ HateltWhen bae's mad.
- [woman] I should say
that to my roommate?
- [cell phone buzzes]
All she did was leave a
wet towel on my bed.
You know, I'll try it.
- Thanks, Abigail.
- [clicks]
[cell phone buzzing]
- [music playing]
- [vocalizing]
♪ That's how the good Lord works ♪
♪ That's how the good Lord works ♪
♪ That's how the good Lord works ♪
♪ That's how He works ♪
♪ That's how the good Lord work s ♪
♪ That's how the good Lord works ♪
♪ That's how the good Lord works ♪
♪ That's how He works ♪
♪ We must not question the good Lord ♪
♪ Have faith in God and trust His word ♪
♪ We don't know how We don't know when ♪
♪ To see His day, we shall stand ♪
♪ We must not question the good Lord ♪
♪ Have faith in God and trust His word ♪
♪ We don't know how We don't know when ♪
♪ To see His day, we shall stand ♪
[vocalizing]