Deadtime Stories (2012–2014): Season 1, Episode 7 - Revenge of the Goblins - full transcript

Okay, you guys, I know
you're hiding somewhere,

but you're not gonna get me
this time.

You might as well just come out
and give it up, okay?

Boo!
Boo!

Oh! You guys! All right.
You did scare me.

[ laughter ]
here. come here.

How have you guys been?
Good?
Yeah.

All right. let's go scare
the pants off you.

Are you guys ready
for a "Deadtime Story"?

Yeah. what do you have for us
this time?

"Grandpa's Monster Movies."



Sounds like fun.
Not for Catan Thomas
and his family.

Why? What type of monster movies
are they?

Real ones, ones that Catan's
grandfather and his brothers

have been hiding for years.

Are you guys
ready to be scared?

Okay. chapter one.

"Catan Thomas was lost --
hopelessly lost.

"worse than that,
he was being hunted.

"he thought
he was well hidden,

but then again,
so were his hunters."

[ panting ]

[ panting ]

Oh, my gosh!
I thought the Bobs got you.

I thought they got you,
too. you okay?



Yeah.

This is a nightmare.

I can't believe
we're being stalked

by a bunch of nose-picking
rejects from bumbleweed.

Yeah. nose-picking rejects
we're related to.

Sort of related to.
They're distant cousins.

Not distant enough. come on.
We'd better keep moving.

Catan:
are all the Bobs together?
I don't know.

I only saw Billy Bob.
I don't know where Bobby Bob is.

What about the Bobs' twins?
April and may?
I haven't seen them.

Good.

Those two
really freak me out.

Yeah.
Have you heard them talk yet?

Can you imagine
if we lived out here?

We'd have to spend every holiday
with the Bobs and Bobs' twins,

and worse yet, go to summer camp
with them.
Are you kidding me?

I don't even know
I'm gonna survive the rest
of this family reunion.

That makes two of us.

I just can't believe my mom
and your dad grew up out here.

Boy, are you lucky my dad
convinced your mom to
move close to us.

Otherwise, you really would've
been hanging with the Bobs.

Not even funny.

Let's keep moving
before they spot us.

[ clattering, rustling ]

[ grumbling, growling ]

[ grumbling, growling continue ]

[ lips smacking ]

[ eerie music plays ]

♪ When you hear the scream ♪

Aah!

♪ Hide under the blanket ♪

♪ Don't come out ♪

♪ It's not a dream ♪

♪ Don't you sleep ♪

♪ This is your nightmare now ♪

[ growling ]

what the heck
is that thing?

I don't know. I've never seen
anything like it before.

What do we do?
I don't know.
I don't have a clue.

[ grumbling ]

whatever that thing is,
it's really hungry.

I think we should go
the other way.

No, if that thing
would've caught us,

it would've attacked us
back there.

Aah!
Aah!

Speaking of attacks...

Game's over.
We've got you surrounded.

Yeah, well, now that you guys
have caught us,

it's your turn to hide.

Oh, no.
We're not doing that again.

You guys are too stupid
to find us.

Bobby Bob: yeah, we was hiding
for like five hours yesterday

before we had to come
find you.

I say we play
stomp the squirrel.
What?!

Stomp the squirrel. it's
way better than hide and seek.

All we need is a squirrel.

And I think I saw one running
through here a minute ago --

a big one, too.

You mean
that big brown hairy thing?

That wasn't a squirrel.

Maybe it was
just a big ol' tumbleweed.

No, it wasn't
a big ol' tumbleweed.

That thing growled.

I have an idea.

What if we all spread out
and look for the thing?

If it is
some sort of, uh...

Critter,

we can, uh, use it
for stomp the squirrel anyway!

Good idea!
Good idea!

With any luck,

they'll be looking
for that thing until sunday.

[ grunts ]

oh.

I can't believe how hairy
Uncle Ernie is.

Him? Lightning bolt number six
did that one.

I though
it was number five.

No, number five gave him
that weird twitch

in his left eye
when he lies.
That's right.

I can't believe Uncle Ernie's
been hit by lightning

nine times.
And lived.

You two need to get in the house
right now.

What's the matter,
Uncle Ernie?

Nothing's the matter.

It's -- it's time
for supper. that's all.

Oh, uh, hey, Uncle Ernie,
have you seen a weird,

hairy-looking thing rolling
around the orchard before?

What kind
of weird, hairy-looking thing?

We don't know.
But it growls.

Must be imagination.

There's no such thing
around here. [ chuckles ]

Bobby Bob saw it, too. he's
out looking for it right now.

Where?
In the orchard
with Billy Bob and the twins.

Gosh d-- how am I supposed
to get this under control?

What's out of control,
Uncle Ernie?
Just you kids.

You shouldn't be playing
in the orchard.

It's easy for things
to go missing out there.

Just get back in the house
while I gather up

the Bobs and the twins
before they go missing for good.

Now get.

Girl: something tells me that
that tumbleweed thing

is gonna be a problem.

Is it a monster?

I don't know.

Is it gonna eat the Bobs?
[ chuckles ]

something tells me Catan and Lea
won't get away that easy.

[ laughter ]

they're not gonna have to play
stomp the squirrel, are they?

No, no squirrel stomping.
I promise.
Good.

Shall we see
what happens next?

"by the time Catan and Lea
had got back to the house,

they were starving...until they
saw what was for dinner."

Aunt Luleen: now, this here's
my pickled pigs' feet,

my pigs' feet and possum tail,
pigs' feet parmesan,

caramelized raccoon,

knuckles and noodles,
frog-leg fricassee,

and grilled armadillo.

Mmm!

There's no way I'm eating
any of this.

I'm ready to puke
just looking at it.
I know.

I bet our parents are having
steak or something tonight.

We should've gone with them
on their date night.

Don't worry.

You don't have to eat
aunt Luleen's cooking.

I made fried chicken --
with all the fixings, too.

Thanks, Grandma!
Thanks, Grandma!
Yeah.

Hey, where's my sweetie pie?
Earl?!

Oh, he's down
in the greenhouse with Eddie.

They was gonna round up some
fireworks for tomorrow night.

Why don't you two
run on down there

and tell your Grandpa
and your great Uncle Earl

that it's time to eat?
Sure thing, Grandma.

And stay away from the old barn.
It's dangerous.

Grandpa:
dang it, Earl.

I want you to quit acting
like a raving maniac.

You understand me?

I don't want any blood shed
at this family reunion.

I don't really care
what you want,

and I've had enough
of Ernie

and all the problems
he's caused us.

Uncle Earl:
before this reunion is over,

there's gonna be
more than a bunch of fireworks

'cause I'm gonna chop
that hairy thing to bits.

And that's a promise!

It's gonna be my 70th
stinkin' birthday, Earl.

And it's gonna be a happy time
whether you like it or not.

Just like Floyd Garvey's
birthday was a happy time.

Let it go, Earl.
That was over 60 years ago.

Who's Floyd Garvey?

Uncle Earl:
that's right! Floyd Garvey's
been gone for 60 years,

and it was
all because of Ernie!

It wasn't Ernie's fault.

It was Gus-Gus.

You can't hold Ernie
responsible

for something that Gus-Gus did
60 years ago.

Who's Gus-Gus?

Why don't we break out some
of those old monster movies,

and we'll see just whose fault
it really was.

Uncle Earl:
and I don't want to be lying

about what's been going on
out in that old barn anymore.

I'm gonna take care of
this situation once and for all.

And there
ain't nothing that you

or that Floyd-Garvey-murdering
half-wit can do to stop me!

Now what do we do?

I don't know.

What are you two
doing out here?

Nothing, Uncle Earl.
We, um...

"um, um," what?

We came
to get you for dinner.

Grandma sent us
to come get you guys.

Well, why don't you two
run along?

You tell your Grandma
we'll be there shortly.

[ country music plays ]

I don't know
what's scarier --

Uncle Earl and Uncle Ernie
or the Bobs.

Do you think Uncle Earl is
really gonna kill Uncle Ernie?

And what the heck is going on
in that old barn?

So,
you two have enough to eat?

Too much, Grandma.
Good.

Hey, Grandma,
who's Gus-Gus?

Don't know. why?
Where'd you hear that name?

Grandpa and Uncle Earl were
talking about him Earlier.

Oh, that was just somebody
they knew when they was kids.

And it's not a happy subject.
I wouldn't bring it up.

Hey, Catan and Lea.
Want to go play some dodge rock?

Bobby Bob's gonna go round up
some boulders.

Sure. you guys start without me,
though.

I'm gonna go use
the bathroom.
Yeah. me, too.

Smart thinking.

Uh, go ahead. go hide,
but stay away from the old barn.

[ crickets chirping ]

I wonder what the heck's
so dangerous about the old barn.

I'm not sure
I want to know.
I do.

I mean, if the Bobs
weren't outside right now,

I'd go in there
and check it out.

I mean, what are we gonna do
in that stupid shed, anyway?

I have no idea, but at Least
we'll be safe from the Bobs.

[ door creaks ]

Lea: I bet these are
the monster movies

Uncle Earl
was talking about.

Yeah.
I say we open it.

Maybe we shouldn't. do you even
know how to work that projector?

Yeah, I mean,
my Grandpa had one just like it,

and he showed me
how to use it once.

It's easy.

Come on. we've at Least got to
find out what's in here.

[ creaks ]

Catan: Gus-Gus.

Are you sure
you want to do this?

Don't you?
I don't know.

Come on.

What's the big deal?

It's the only way we're gonna
find out who this Gus-Gus is.

Come on.
You got to get this.

Oh, yeah, he got it!
He got the big one!

Aunt Luleen: Eddie and Ernie,
look over here and smile.

It's Grandpa
and Uncle Ernie.

And Uncle Earl,

and aunt Luleen's
running the camera.

You have to play this game.

You got to win
the claw-swinging game.

I'll try. I should win
the teddy bear.

Or the truck.

I want to know
what's inside of it.

Oh, he's so close!
It's getting there.

Come on.
Come on. let's go.

Come on! Come on!

You can do it.
It's getting there.

It's in the chute.

What is it?

Looks like
just a stupid fur ball.

Whoa! Hey, it's alive!
I think I got a hamster!

I don't know what that thing
is, Ernie,

but it's not a hamster.

Follow that thing,
Luleen!

[ screaming ]

go find it, somebody!

This is crazy!

That thing's rabid.

[ screaming continues ]

that was Gus-Gus.

He looks an awful lot
like that thing we saw today.

That's why Uncle Ernie
was acting so weird.

I bet Uncle Earl wasn't talking
about killing Uncle Ernie.

I bet he was talking
about killing Gus-Gus.

No way there's a monster
on this farm.

Like the Bobs
aren't bad enough.

Uncle Ernie:
who's in there?!

Oh! It's Uncle Ernie.

Quick, give me the box!

I can't get this reel off.
Come on!

Hey!

Hey, what are you two doing
in here?

Nothing, Uncle Ernie.
Oh, really?

Then why don't you show me what
you're hiding behind your back?

Where'd you get that?

We didn't want to play
dodge rock with the Bobs,

so we came in here to hide
and found that box of movies.

Did you watch this?

No.
No.

Oh! We couldn't figure out
how to work the projector.

[ sighs ]

and who gave you permission
to come in here?

No one, Uncle Ernie.

Then go back to the house,
where you belong.

And forget you ever saw this
box of movies, understand me?

Sure thing, Uncle Ernie.

And stay away
from the old barn.

Now get!

[ sighs ]

I really think we should wait
until tomorrow morning

to check this out.
No.

If we're gonna do it,
we have to do it now,

while everyone's asleep.

[ electronic humming ]

that's Gus-Gus?

He seems less scary
than he was this afternoon.

That's because
he hasn't eaten yet.

You two never should've
come in here.

You were warned
to stay out.

We'll Leave right now,
Uncle Ernie.
It's too late
for that.

What are you gonna do to us,
Uncle Ernie?

Only thing I can do now.

Let's introduce you
to Gus-Gus.

PLease don't let Gus-Gus
kill us, Uncle Ernie!

I don't want to end up
like Floyd Garvey or --

you told me you didn't watch
the Gus-Gus movie.

You watched
the Floyd Garvey movie, too?!
No, Uncle Ernie.

We overheard Grandpa
and Uncle Earl

talking about Floyd Garvey
in the shed.

And what did he say?
That Gus-Gus ate Floyd Garvey?

Did he?

[ chuckles ]

Floyd Garvey ran away
and joined the circus.

Gus-Gus didn't eat him.

Besides, what happened
at Floyd Garvey's birthday

was Floyd Garvey's fault.

What did happen
at Floyd Garvey's birthday?

Floyd Garvey fed Gus-Gus
some fried chicken.

That's what happened
at Floyd Garvey's birthday.

Gus-Gus can't eat meat.
It doesn't agree with him.

It makes him mean and ferocious,
and Floyd Garvey knew that.

But Gus-Gus didn't eat
Floyd Garvey

like your Uncle Earl says.

Floyd Garvey got away.

As long as he eats properly,
there's no problem at all.

[ electronic humming stops ]

what are you doing,
Uncle Ernie?

I'm gonna feed Gus-Gus.

Gus-Gus eats vegetables?

Yep.
Broccoli's his favorite.

[ grumbling ]

I got to feed him
12 times a day

or there'll be the chickens
to pay.

The chickens?

Did I say chickens?
I meant dickens.

There'll be the dickens
to pay.

So Gus-Gus
only eats vegetables?

And fruit.

As long as Gus-Gus
stays away from meat,

he's a sweet little critter.

[ growling, gnawing ]

then how come he was growling at
us when we were in the orchard,

after he ate
a bunch of oranges?

Probably because he ate
a bunch of field mice, too.

And, as you know,
field mice are meat.

Not enough
to make him real mean, but...

[ burps ]

...enough to make him
irritable.

So if Gus-Gus is a problem,
why do you keep him?

'cause there's no way
to get rid of Gus-Gus.

I've tried.
[ chuckles ] everyone's tried.

But Gus-Gus has got more lives
than a cat.

No matter horrible thing
happens to Gus-Gus,

he just keeps coming back.

And he's
a smart little bugger, too.

He watches
every move you make.

I forgot to turn the electricity
back on this morning.

This little bugger knew it.

That's
how he got out of here.

And if you two are smart,

you'll stay away from this barn,
you hear me?

Don't even think

about coming back
to visit Gus-Gus without me.

Don't worry, Uncle Ernie.
We won't.

Hey! The hairy critter's
in there!

I say
we go check him out.

Have you seen the Bobs
this morning?

Me, neither.

I'm so glad they didn't slime
the bathroom this morning.

Me, too.

Oh, hi.
Hey, Grandma.

Good morning, Grandma.

Um, can you two head
over to the hen house

and fetch me
a couple of eggs?

I've got to get started
on Grandpa's birthday cake.

Sure thing, Grandma.

Have either of you seen the Bobs
or the twins this morning?

Huh.

All right, well,
we'll be right back, Grandma.

Okay.

Do you even know how to get eggs
from a hen?

Yeah, you just reach in
and take them.

Seems awfully mean.

Oh,
that can't be good.

[ sighs ]
we have to get Uncle Ernie.

I thought I told the two of you
to stay out of this barn!

I think Gus-Gus might've eaten
april -- or maybe it was may!

Where's Gus-Gus?!
We don't know!

He was gone
when we got here,

and this was
outside his cage.

Nobody's seen the Bobs
this morning, either.

This is bad,
real bad.

Where are you going,
Uncle Ernie?

I'm going back
to the house to get

some of aunt Luleen's
pickled pigs' feet

to feed 'em to Gus-Gus.

Pigs' feet are his favorite.

If I can find
that little bugger,

I'm gonna need something
to lure him with.

"Catan and Lea waited
outside the house

"while Uncle Ernie
went inside

"to get a jar
of pickled pigs' feet.

"by the time Uncle Ernie
came back outside again,

there was a whole lot
of screaming going on."

Aaahh!

"the Bobs were screaming
from a distance.

"they were racing down the path
in a panic,

"and the Bobs' twins were,
too.

A moment later,
Catan and Lea figured out why."

[ grumbling, growling ]
it's Gus-Gus, Uncle Ernie.
It's Gus-Gus!

I see that, boy.

Look what I got for you,
Gus-Gus!

Got your favorite --
pickled pigs' feet.

[ growls, gnaws ]

I've never seen Gus-Gus
this ferocious.

These pigs' feet aren't working.
They're just making him mad.

He wants something
more substantial.
Like what?

What in the tarnation's going on
out here?!

Dang it, Ernie,
who'd Gus-Gus eat now?

Nobody...yet.

[ growls ]

do something!

Uncle Earl,
do you have a lighter?
What?

I think I know
how to get rid of Gus-Gus.

Give me a pig's foot!

There aren't many left.

Let me have that thing, boy,
before you hurt yourself.

Light the fuse,
Uncle Earl.

[ growling ]

hurry, Uncle Earl!

[ gnawing ]

[ pop! ]

[ laughter ]

whoa!

Boy: Something tells me
this isn't over.

Oh,
you got that right!

"that night,
with the whole family

"gathered around Grandpa
to sing 'happy birthday,'

"Catan couldn't help thinking
about Floyd Garvey.

"and he was grateful

"that Grandpa's party really was
a happy occasion.

Even Uncle Earl was smiling,
for a change."

All: 3, 2, 1!

Happy birthday!

[ cheers ]

what'd you wish for,
Grandpa?

Well, now,
you know I can't tell you that,

but it already came true.

All: aww!

So I guess it really was a happy
birthday, wasn't it, Eddie?

It sure was, Earl.

I'm gonna tell you what,
it was finer than frog hair.

[ laughter ]

[ grumbling, growling ]

what in the blazes?

Gosh darn.
Hey, look who's back.

We didn't just blow him up --
we blew him into pieces.

[ all screaming ]