Dead End: Paranormal Park (2022–…): Season 2, Episode 3 - The Trials of Barney - full transcript

-Whoa!

Ah!

-Ah! No!
-Huh?

Ah!

Ouch!

-Hey!

Phew!

-Good morning!
-Hey, B-Rex!

Que pasa, monstruo?

Hey, nice to have you back!
Lookin' good, Frank!

Well, well,
if it ain't my favorite human.



Shh. Someone's gonna hear you.

Oh, well, okay.
My favorite lizard man.

Hi, Az.

You ready for
today's training sesh, bro-zone layer?

I was born ready, bro… Dude?

Bro, bro, bro, bro-mazing guy?

Let's strengthen
your core first.

We can work on the bro-lexia later.

Let's go!

Huh?

Oh.

Huh?

'Sup?

Oh, hey, Cuddles.



Ahh!

Good job, bro.
You did better than last time.

You're still conscious.

Ah, no, whoops. There we go.

And this one I got signed
by both of the Oni twins.

These are amazing!

Thanks.

I got my first DWF card
when I was only 109.

A rare, first edition, holographic Grogan.

How can you remember that
and not which plane you're from?

Norma, it's a shiny Grogan.

Look, shiny!

Hmm.

Where have you been, young man?

Uh…

We haven't done my morning walk
and I'm desperate for a poo poo.

I mean at this point, Pugsley,
can't you take yourself out?

I can't go if you're not watching!

See, this is why
I was looking up pet therapists.

Is there another dog?

Are they cuter than me?
Do they have a better hat?

You're the only dog in my life, Pugsley.

I've just been doing some exercise.
Stop worrying.

But worrying is what I do best.

Ugh! Pugsley!

I told you not to take them
out of the folder!

They weren't in the right order.
What did you expect me to do?

Oh, I don't know, not touch stuff
that doesn't belong to you!

You had them alphabetized,
ignoring the official card order…

Barney!
Your socks are something else.

I can't believe I used to eat these!

Pugsley,
what are you doing here?

Protecting you.

From what? I'm just going to the gym.

Okay. A demon gym.

Why not just go to a regular,
non-terrifying gym?

I mean, regular gyms are terrifying.

There's no rules down here
about what people should look like.

Nobody cares that I'm trans.
Nobody cares about my weight.

Nobody's asking me
stupid questions about my binder.

This gym makes me feel like
the first time I came to Dead End.

Happy and free to be completely myself.

Completely yourself, huh?

You ready, little boy?

Who're you calling little boy? I'm B-Rex!

One, two, three, ding, ding, ding!
There you have it, folks!

Our continued reigning champion.

Give it up for the one, the only B-Rex!

B-Rex! B-Rex!

B-Rex! B-Rex!

Aubrey High School wrestling tryouts.
I'm ready.

Who're you callin' little boy? I am B-Rex!

-Nice name, bro!
-Thanks.

You see, I've always loved dinosaurs,
and I wanted to incorporate some--

-Barney!

Huh?

One, two, three!

Pugsley! You shouldn't have helped me!

But you were getting hurt!

You could get me kicked out of the gym
for cheating. The rules say--

Gnarly take-down, bro-tein shake.

Thank you, bro… Uh, man.

And this outfit. I mean,
you can't even tell you're a human,

which is why I signed you up

for the official
Demon Wrestling Federation tryouts!

I'm taking you to the big leagues, brah!

Really? You think I'm ready?

Totes. There's only one stipulation.

You have to earn your spot
in a home plane match.

Er, you mean I have to fight on Earth?

Yeah, I mean,
they don't allow humans in the league.

But with this costume we could just say
you were banished there or something.

I'll whip up a classic crazy
DWF backstory.

It'll all make sense, bro.

I'll save you the effort
because there's no way

the others will agree to something so--

Awesome!

The DWF? Here? I am freaking out!

Who are you fighting? The Samurai Sisters?

Bloodbath Bill? The Undertaker?

I don't know yet. But--

No, no, no, it's not happening!

There's no way Barborah
would let us host something like this.

She'd probably say--

I love it!
I started out as a wrestler, kid,

just like you.

"Barbara the Unbreakable" they called me.

Aside from the fact
they got my name wrong, it was true.

Nobody could stop me.

You have my blessing.

We'll just close the park for the day

as long as that big ugly hand thing
says it's okay.

Oh, no way. Fingers will see this as a--

Tremendous idea!

Oh, come on!

If we put on a little show for the demons,

some fisticuffs or what have you,

perhaps we can curb their desire
for a violent uprising.

I say the show must go on!

Oh, my ghosts! So much to do!

Welcome banner!

Merch table!

Woof.

Buddy, wrestling is my dream.

Why do your dreams have to be so violent?

I've been training for this my whole life.

Well, not enough.

The last demon you fought
kicked your butt.

That's because
he fights like a human,

but I've got an idea.

If you want to fight demons--

Guys, I'm not sure this is necessary.

Then you gotta fight like a demon!

Huh?

Live from the 7th plane,

the Demon Wrestling Federation
presents a qualifier match:

Challenger B-Rex, the thunder lizard,
goes head to head

with one of the elite members
of the Demon Wrestling League.

But which one?

We'll find out in just a moment
as we are now live,

all over the multi-plane!

Demons and ghouls,
theydies and gentlethems,

hold on to your tails
and tuck the little ones in bed

because this is
the Demon Wrestling Federation!

Yes!

Buy your DWF posters!

Don't worry, Barney. You'll be fine.

Thanks.

I told Logs to bring
the supersized first aid kit.

So, we should be able to patch up
any broken bones or scorched faces.

Uh, where's Az? He should be here.

Az?

Asmodeus. My coach.
This whole fight was his idea.

I thought he might at least
give me some last-minute advice.

Here's some advice. Don't do it.

No, I need to do this.

Out in the ring,
I can be completely myself.

And that's a dinosaur?

No, a super star wrestler,
a legend in the ring,

the unstoppable thunder lizard, B-Rex!

Meh. I don't know about B-Rex,
but Barney is already a superstar.

Just don't die again.

My special guests tonight

include an expert in the culture
of this strange neutral plane.

-Please give a fiery welcome to Courtney!

The humans consider me their ruler, Hox.

That's hot stuff!

And the gorgeous termite-filled
pile of matter to my right…

Why, thank you.

…is the winner of Hate Island Season 95.

Please welcome JoJo!

It's pronounced JeuxJeux.

Asmodeus.
Where have I heard that name before?

And now tonight's challenger
may have been born on the neutral plane,

but he's all demon.

Where are you, Az?
I could've used your support right now.

Give it up for B-Rex, the thunder lizard!

Okay, you can do this, B-Rex.

Here he comes, looking electrified!

And the crowd loves him!

Oh! Well, maybe not everyone's a fan.

Here to answer the challenge,

representing the mighty
Demon Wrestling League,

who better to wipe the floor
with this sack of lizard scales

than the son of Baal,
the Prince of Darkness,

the undefeated Master of Disaster…

-Asmo…
-…deus!

Hey, bro.

Az?

His coach?

You know, guys, it's been 300 years

since the last wrestler
has qualified for the league.

-Only 300 years?

-That's right, JoJo!
-Ugh! It's JeuxJeux!

A little birdie told me that
the two of you have some history.

Yeah, he's my coach,
or at least I thought he was.

Oh, your teacher becoming the enemy.

Talk about a classic wrestling twist!

Mwah!

There's a lot you don't know
about me, little B.

Ooh!

Asmodeus, 325 pounds.

Strengths and immunities: fire.

Demon League member for 873 years.

Second cousin twice removed from Simus,
son of Bran the Beholder.

Oh, my ghosts!
Asmodeus is Temeluchus' 12th cousin,

and Zagan's long-lost twin?
No wait, that can't be right.

The Demonic Royal Family
is pretty complicated.

So he's a demon king with secret powers

and an intimate knowledge
of Barney's every move? Norma!

Barney doesn't stand a chance!
We need to help him!

Excuse me. Excuse me, excuse me.
Uh, excuse me. Excuse me.

Last chance to quit, B-Rex.
Sure you wanna go through with this?

Bring it on!

-Excuse me, excuse me.

Asmodeus putting the challenger
in his place.

And here we go for another round!

A Hades harpoon from B-Rex,

countered by a flawless execution
of the Cerberus Slingshot by the champ.

Unleashing every fantastical fist
of infernal fury,

but Asmodeus is dodging faster than
the average neutral planer can see!

And, as demons,
we can see at a higher framerate.

That's true!

You should see
what this looks like in 666K.

None of the challenger's punches
are landing.

Being his coach,
he's anticipating all his moves.

No demon can beat Asmodeus.

A death grip! Is he going for a chokeslam?

He's down! He's pinned!

Is this the end for B-Rex,
the thunder lizard? One…

Two!

The challenger shakes it out!

Neutral plane, represent!

-Kick him in the face!

Crush his skull!

No! Stop that!

You're right.

I have serious jealousy issues
I'm trying to work through.

Barney! Listen!

Your demonic B-Rex moves
aren't going to cut it!

Asmodeus is a demon king!

What?

-Huh?

Yeah, maybe out there,
Asmodeus is a demon king,

but here in the ring,
I can just be myself!

And the crowd goes wild for B-Rex,
the thunder lizard!

You in the right place, son?

-What is he wearing?

Ridiculous! I've never
seen someone look so dumb!

-So ridiculous.
-Wow, this is a new low!

I don't know about B-Rex,
but Barney is already a superstar.

A surprise throwdown
against Asmodeus!

The challenger--
Wait a minute, what's this?

Huh, that looks like

the 7th plane's
hand signal for a time-out.

Looks like the thunder lizard
is shedding his skin!

He's a human!

That's right! I'm the, uh, Living Human!

I come from Earth, home of witch-finders,

exorcists and vampire hunters!

Cower before me and my fleshy,
blood-filled body.

Oh my, he's hideous.

You get used to it.

This is unheard of!

A human fighting
against the Demon Wrestling Federation!

Are you in the right place, son?

I'm exactly where I deserve to be!

You know why you don't have humans
in your wrestling league?

A human wouldn't survive.
Imagine the lawsuits!

No! You don't have humans in your league

because you're scared
we're gonna whoop your tails!

-Boo!

Hey, listen!

If Barney the Living Human wants a fight,

then I say let's give him what he wants!

-Yeah!

And this time, bro, I ain't holding back.

Ah-ha!

Now this is demon wrestling!

Asmodeus not landing any fireballs!

The Living Human
displaying impressive feats of agility!

Whoa! What an impact!

The Living Human in the air!

-Asmodeus unleashing his minotaury breath!

Oof! That's gotta be hot!

Barney! It says he's vulnerable
to swords made of polished silver!

Have you got any of those?

Oh, yeah! If you check in my gym bag,
I've got… Of course I don't!

-Leave it, Norma.
-What? We have to help him.

No, we don't. Trust me, and trust Barney.

The human's using the ropes,

-and Asmodeus is out of breath!

-A power slide!
-Human wedgie!

Oh, but what in the multi-plane
is this move?

It's an attack humans learn

in grade school on the playground.

Hideously primitive.

I don't think any demon
could see that move coming!

The challenger is going for a finish!
Is this it?

Is he going to be the newest member
of the Demon Wrestling League?

The champ has one more trick
up his sleeve!

Making his entire body nuclear hot!

Is it too hot for the challenger?

And does he have the stamina,
the strength,

the astonishing heat tolerance
to beat the reigning champ?

Asmodeus turning it around
in the final moment!

One, two, three! And we have a winner!

The reigning champ
of the Demon Wrestling Federation,

Asmodeus, the undefeated, holds his title!

And it's all over
for the Living Human.

Better luck next time, kid!

Barney!

Are you okay?

Please wake up!

That… was…

the most fun I've had in my life.

Thanks for having my back
by not having it.

Anytime.

Sorry you lost.

I didn't lose. Look!

Buy your Living Human posters!
Buy your Living Human posters!

Wow, kid! You put on a great show!

Love the last minute reveal.
It's honestly a pleasure to meet you.

We've met.

You're gonna be the heel
they love to hate, boy!

And if you want to be part
of the next season's rogues gallery,

you better give me a call.

And the human outfit, ugh, so revolting!

That was incredible, babe. Are you hurt?

Nothing can hurt the Living Human!

Wanna be on our podcast?

Nice going, B. Sorry you didn't qualify,

but I think your time will come.

See ya at practice?

It's a date!
I'll bring the bro-tato chips!

What?

Maybe we can listen to Bro-hemian Rhapsody
in the bro-tanical gardens.

-Here, let me hand you their bro-chure!

Whoa!
You've conquered the bro-cabulary!

The pupil has become the master.
My work here is done.

Wait! I need you to sign my trading card!

Sorry, Courtney. You just missed him.

No, not him. You.