Dead End: Paranormal Park (2022–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - Episode #2.1 - full transcript
-Whoa!
Ah!
-Ah! No!
-Huh?
Ah!
Ouch!
-Hey!
What do you mean I have to do
my own hair and makeup? What kind of--
Ow! Back off!
What kind of production is this?
Hello, I'm Pauline Phoenix,
and welcome to my very own video will.
If you're watching this,
then that means that,
sadly, I have passed on.
In which case, watch your back
'cause if you ever crossed me, ha!
You can bet your booties
I'll be haunting you to the grave.
Particularly you, Tony, Veronica,
that spiteful little man
at the dry cleaner--
Look, evidently,
I've ascended to a higher plane,
peace be with me,
and I never truly found my next of kin,
not for lack of trying.
But there is one person
who has always been there for me.
And so, I leave everything, the money,
the park, my albino tiger, Destiny Ann,
and the movie rights to my life story
to my best friend,
twin soul and stunt double, Barbara.
I think she means me.
What? This thing is faster than it looks.
Gotcha!
Hey! Ew! What is this thing?
It's not a thing. It's a Gord.
Phylum demollusca from the blood swamps
of Gagen. Plane 11.
Norma.
Hiya!
All right,
that's the third demon busted this week.
I banish thee!
Ya!
Pugsley, buddy, you know
your powers are gone, remember?
I know. I thought this might
bring them back somehow.
-Please. Leave it to the pros.
What the… Uh.
Oh. Oh! Eugh!
Ew, ew, ew!
Ew. Ew, ew!
Oh, it's like a slug made of sand paper,
and it's on my head!
Mm. Let me try something.
Welcome to Earth.
This is how we say hello.
In this part of the world, at least.
-Yuck!
-Sanitizer! I need sanitizer!
-It's in my eyes!
-Ugh.
Sorry, friends.
Ever since Temeluchus left,
I've just been a regular
non-magical talking dog.
Tell me that's the last of them.
Can't keep roaches out of New York,
rats out of London
or demons out of Phoenix Parks.
-It's just a fact.
True. Since that last demon
swarming the park thing,
Barborah has entrusted us with
the sacred duty to guard the elevator.
The fate of the world,
and our jobs, depend on it.
Uh, aren't you guys going bowling tonight?
And that too.
Don't worry, meat-bags, I got this.
I've watched this thing for an eternity.
What's one more night?
Uh. Are you sure?
Wait, you still don't trust me?
-Eh…
-Sure.
Kinda.
Nothing's coming out of this baby
on my watch, I promise you.
I'd pinky promise, if I had a pinky.
It's more of a… red-y.
Well, thank you, Courtney.
Go score those bowls.
Win those pins! Strike those…
I don't know what bowling is.
See? Taking care of business.
Welcome, earthlings, to Astro Lanes.
Happy chucking those balls.
Ugh, wonder where
that murderous ghost ended up.
It doesn't matter.
I'm CEO now and I'm bringing
an era of change to this dump.
Starting with mandatory
staff bowling tournament Wednesdays!
Ooh,
I just love myself a strike.
Whoo!
Hey, Barney!
Hey. Uh, sorry, we just got here.
Um, these are darts. I'm here to bowl.
Oh, I thought you might
want to play something else.
'Cause Lumberjack here's
gonna wipe the floor with you.
-Lumberjack?
-Just give him the shoes, Hercules.
Hey, everyone!
Lumberjack is back for more!
-Timber!
-Timber!
Wait, are you like a bowling prodigy?
-I'm sure you're great too, Barney.
-Oh, yeah, he's amazing.
-I've watched him practice all week.
-Hey, down boy.
And I haven't seen him knock down
any of those little white men.
This is gonna be so embarrassing,
I can't watch.
Or I can watch and film it.
All right, all right. See you later, Herc.
Ew! Bowling shoes?
I somehow did not anticipate this.
I did! And I know your feelings
about communal sporting footwear,
so I brought you a present.
Brand-new and all yours.
Happy birthday, whenever it is.
I know, I know, I'm the best.
Gotta stay awake.
You're a good guy now, Courtney.
Good guys finish…
Awake!
Stay awake.
Huh?
Huh!? Who's there?
Come on, little fella.
I ain't gonna hurt ya.
Much.
No, no. No. Not you! Don't take me!
Ah, leave me alone!
Uh…
Help, help, help, help, help!
-Fail.
Okay, folks,
I wanna see passion.
I wanna see determination.
-I wanna see…
-Error. Error.
…things not breaking.
Barney! What's going on?
Uh, don't worry. I can fix it.
-I think.
-Error!
Did I happen to mention: Error?
-And fixed.
Uh.
It's okay. I'm okay.
Don't worry.
-You! Short Round.
No bowling shoes, no bowling.
But they don't have any
that fit my little hind paws.
-I said--
-Yeah, yeah, I heard what you said.
Huh?
Fail, fail, fail,
miss, miss, oh shoot, fail, fail.
-Pugsley!
-Oh, Courtney.
Do you want to play two player?
-You can be ex-husband number seven.
-Uh, maybe later.
But first,
what would you say if I told you
a giant hand arm thing was after me?
-I'd say I'd love to help you!
-Great, 'cause--
But I don't have any magic powers anymore.
So what can you do?
-I'm a very good listener.
-Ugh! Useless.
-Oh.
This time, darling…
you're a loser.
-Lane four.
-Huh?
-Strike!
See, it's easy.
Three steps,
thumb forward and let it roll.
Can you show me one more time?
Barney Guttman,
are you trying to stall? Come on.
You got talent to spare.
We're learning so much about each other.
I'm terrible at bowling
and you're terrible at puns.
That's just how I roll.
-Maybe these will help.
Hmm.
-Barney!
Failure.
-What are you doing here?
-Something came up.
Aren't you supposed to be
watching the elevator?
Yeah, something came up.
Or down, or maybe sideways?
Ugh, come on, Courtney, you promised.
I'm finally getting to actually hang out
with Logs without demons showing up--
Showing up? I get it.
I'll save the day on my own, like usual.
-Ugh.
-Wow, I'm actually impressed.
I didn't know someone could be
this bad at bowling.
-I'll say!
Mm.
Hmm?
Phew.
I'm going to crush this park's
all-time record at Whack-a-Mole.
Hmm.
They're going to have to wash these toys.
-Strike!
-Yes! Did you see that?
Uh, so I was thinking,
for our first podcast episode,
we could cover zombies.
Yeah, I know they're a bit overdone,
but they'll bring in the numbers.
Norma, do you ever
take a day off from demons?
Sorry.
Is it my turn?
Did you know there are
two types of bowling balls?
Symmetric and asymmetric.
Oh, and lots of different
throwing techniques, too.
There's the bounce pass, spinner,
shovel style, hook, back up style.
-Huh? What?
-This must be how I sound to you.
Ugh! Norma! Little help?
Ah, Courtney.
Five minutes later than I expected you.
-How many Gords got out?
-No Gords got out. But--
-I saw it! It's horrible!
-What's that?
Are you saying
I have to stop bowling immediately
and come help you?
Oh, I guess
I just have to make that sacrifice.
-What's the situation?
-Demons, I take it?
-You can have my turn!
Um…
What is that?
Beats me. I've never seen it
in any of my demon books.
-It's not a demon.
It's a monster.
Let's just kill it
and pretend we never saw it. Okay?
No, that's not the way.
Look, let me try again.
This one might appreciate a handshake.
Uh, welcome to Earth, this is a handshake.
It's a way of greeting.
Or maybe not.
Norma! No, no, no!
How about a high five?
What did I do?
-You slapped it in the face!
-What?
Contact established,
hostile environment detected.
Hands off!
I banish thee!
Oh, come on.
-Huh?
-Barborah! Help us!
I thought I made you three
the demon cleanup crew.
-What do you call this?
-Over time?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to slap you in the face.
Hey. Want to try an elbow bump? No?
How about you? Elbow?
Huh?
-Barney!
-Logs!
I mean, Lumberjack.
I wore a checked shirt here once.
Let me go!
-What are we going to do?
Gah! This is why I don't like bowling.
-Ah! This is why I don't like demons.
-Logs, I'm sorry.
I wanted to go bowling with you
but I'm no good and I…
I just wanted to impress you.
You're fine, can we talk about this later?
-No, really, do you find me--
-For crying out loud, you are impressive!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You still don't trust me?
-Eh…
-Sure.
Kinda.
This is all my fault.
Pugsley!
Nothing's coming out of this baby,
on my watch. I promise you.
I can't let him take me!
-No!
-Courtney, are you crazy?
Get out of here!
-Courtney?
-He knows your name!
-I'm sorry, okay?
I've been so good. But fine.
Shackle me, punish me, do whatever,
just don't hurt my friends, okay?
You two know each other?
Oh!
There's been a terrible misunderstanding.
No. I've come down here
to congratulate you all.
For what? Extensive property damage?
Uh, for stopping that invasion, of course.
Especially our dear Courtney.
She's a superstar upstairs.
It's a tall order stopping not one,
but two demon kings.
Had it not been
for Courtney's bravery
they would surely have
conquered not only Earth,
but risen up to attack us angels.
Wait. Angels?
Of course!
Apologies,
I have not properly introduced myself.
I am Fingers. I am an angel.
Oh, my ghost.
I slapped an angel in the face.
Let me get those cuffs off you.
Oh. See, they um, uh…
fell off in the shower.
Well, more good news.
I'll be living with you from now on.
Oh, uh, that's not really, uh, necessary.
Oh, you won't really notice me.
I'll just be a nice buddy
who checks up on you from time to time
to make sure
you're not breaking any rules.
What, like a parole officer?
What funny terms.
No, let me put it another way.
I'll monitor you and help you
adjust to your new-found freedom
without causing any more
inter-dimensional violations.
Mm, that sounds
exactly like a parole officer.
Anyway, don't mind me.
Let us continue
your strange little knock 'em down game.
Have you seen the state of this pl--
Well done, demon cleanup crew.
Let's play.
Ugh.
Uh, fine, we can keep you.
-Whoo-hoo!
-Yes!
Hey, you know what?
It's nice to just hang out sometimes.
Error, error!
Stop poking me!
I think
I'm done with bowling for today.
-Wanna grab some food?
-Mm-hmm.
Strike, baby!
Did I do that?
That was you?
Can you teach me?
You betcha!
Yes. That's the one.
Ah!
-Ah! No!
-Huh?
Ah!
Ouch!
-Hey!
What do you mean I have to do
my own hair and makeup? What kind of--
Ow! Back off!
What kind of production is this?
Hello, I'm Pauline Phoenix,
and welcome to my very own video will.
If you're watching this,
then that means that,
sadly, I have passed on.
In which case, watch your back
'cause if you ever crossed me, ha!
You can bet your booties
I'll be haunting you to the grave.
Particularly you, Tony, Veronica,
that spiteful little man
at the dry cleaner--
Look, evidently,
I've ascended to a higher plane,
peace be with me,
and I never truly found my next of kin,
not for lack of trying.
But there is one person
who has always been there for me.
And so, I leave everything, the money,
the park, my albino tiger, Destiny Ann,
and the movie rights to my life story
to my best friend,
twin soul and stunt double, Barbara.
I think she means me.
What? This thing is faster than it looks.
Gotcha!
Hey! Ew! What is this thing?
It's not a thing. It's a Gord.
Phylum demollusca from the blood swamps
of Gagen. Plane 11.
Norma.
Hiya!
All right,
that's the third demon busted this week.
I banish thee!
Ya!
Pugsley, buddy, you know
your powers are gone, remember?
I know. I thought this might
bring them back somehow.
-Please. Leave it to the pros.
What the… Uh.
Oh. Oh! Eugh!
Ew, ew, ew!
Ew. Ew, ew!
Oh, it's like a slug made of sand paper,
and it's on my head!
Mm. Let me try something.
Welcome to Earth.
This is how we say hello.
In this part of the world, at least.
-Yuck!
-Sanitizer! I need sanitizer!
-It's in my eyes!
-Ugh.
Sorry, friends.
Ever since Temeluchus left,
I've just been a regular
non-magical talking dog.
Tell me that's the last of them.
Can't keep roaches out of New York,
rats out of London
or demons out of Phoenix Parks.
-It's just a fact.
True. Since that last demon
swarming the park thing,
Barborah has entrusted us with
the sacred duty to guard the elevator.
The fate of the world,
and our jobs, depend on it.
Uh, aren't you guys going bowling tonight?
And that too.
Don't worry, meat-bags, I got this.
I've watched this thing for an eternity.
What's one more night?
Uh. Are you sure?
Wait, you still don't trust me?
-Eh…
-Sure.
Kinda.
Nothing's coming out of this baby
on my watch, I promise you.
I'd pinky promise, if I had a pinky.
It's more of a… red-y.
Well, thank you, Courtney.
Go score those bowls.
Win those pins! Strike those…
I don't know what bowling is.
See? Taking care of business.
Welcome, earthlings, to Astro Lanes.
Happy chucking those balls.
Ugh, wonder where
that murderous ghost ended up.
It doesn't matter.
I'm CEO now and I'm bringing
an era of change to this dump.
Starting with mandatory
staff bowling tournament Wednesdays!
Ooh,
I just love myself a strike.
Whoo!
Hey, Barney!
Hey. Uh, sorry, we just got here.
Um, these are darts. I'm here to bowl.
Oh, I thought you might
want to play something else.
'Cause Lumberjack here's
gonna wipe the floor with you.
-Lumberjack?
-Just give him the shoes, Hercules.
Hey, everyone!
Lumberjack is back for more!
-Timber!
-Timber!
Wait, are you like a bowling prodigy?
-I'm sure you're great too, Barney.
-Oh, yeah, he's amazing.
-I've watched him practice all week.
-Hey, down boy.
And I haven't seen him knock down
any of those little white men.
This is gonna be so embarrassing,
I can't watch.
Or I can watch and film it.
All right, all right. See you later, Herc.
Ew! Bowling shoes?
I somehow did not anticipate this.
I did! And I know your feelings
about communal sporting footwear,
so I brought you a present.
Brand-new and all yours.
Happy birthday, whenever it is.
I know, I know, I'm the best.
Gotta stay awake.
You're a good guy now, Courtney.
Good guys finish…
Awake!
Stay awake.
Huh?
Huh!? Who's there?
Come on, little fella.
I ain't gonna hurt ya.
Much.
No, no. No. Not you! Don't take me!
Ah, leave me alone!
Uh…
Help, help, help, help, help!
-Fail.
Okay, folks,
I wanna see passion.
I wanna see determination.
-I wanna see…
-Error. Error.
…things not breaking.
Barney! What's going on?
Uh, don't worry. I can fix it.
-I think.
-Error!
Did I happen to mention: Error?
-And fixed.
Uh.
It's okay. I'm okay.
Don't worry.
-You! Short Round.
No bowling shoes, no bowling.
But they don't have any
that fit my little hind paws.
-I said--
-Yeah, yeah, I heard what you said.
Huh?
Fail, fail, fail,
miss, miss, oh shoot, fail, fail.
-Pugsley!
-Oh, Courtney.
Do you want to play two player?
-You can be ex-husband number seven.
-Uh, maybe later.
But first,
what would you say if I told you
a giant hand arm thing was after me?
-I'd say I'd love to help you!
-Great, 'cause--
But I don't have any magic powers anymore.
So what can you do?
-I'm a very good listener.
-Ugh! Useless.
-Oh.
This time, darling…
you're a loser.
-Lane four.
-Huh?
-Strike!
See, it's easy.
Three steps,
thumb forward and let it roll.
Can you show me one more time?
Barney Guttman,
are you trying to stall? Come on.
You got talent to spare.
We're learning so much about each other.
I'm terrible at bowling
and you're terrible at puns.
That's just how I roll.
-Maybe these will help.
Hmm.
-Barney!
Failure.
-What are you doing here?
-Something came up.
Aren't you supposed to be
watching the elevator?
Yeah, something came up.
Or down, or maybe sideways?
Ugh, come on, Courtney, you promised.
I'm finally getting to actually hang out
with Logs without demons showing up--
Showing up? I get it.
I'll save the day on my own, like usual.
-Ugh.
-Wow, I'm actually impressed.
I didn't know someone could be
this bad at bowling.
-I'll say!
Mm.
Hmm?
Phew.
I'm going to crush this park's
all-time record at Whack-a-Mole.
Hmm.
They're going to have to wash these toys.
-Strike!
-Yes! Did you see that?
Uh, so I was thinking,
for our first podcast episode,
we could cover zombies.
Yeah, I know they're a bit overdone,
but they'll bring in the numbers.
Norma, do you ever
take a day off from demons?
Sorry.
Is it my turn?
Did you know there are
two types of bowling balls?
Symmetric and asymmetric.
Oh, and lots of different
throwing techniques, too.
There's the bounce pass, spinner,
shovel style, hook, back up style.
-Huh? What?
-This must be how I sound to you.
Ugh! Norma! Little help?
Ah, Courtney.
Five minutes later than I expected you.
-How many Gords got out?
-No Gords got out. But--
-I saw it! It's horrible!
-What's that?
Are you saying
I have to stop bowling immediately
and come help you?
Oh, I guess
I just have to make that sacrifice.
-What's the situation?
-Demons, I take it?
-You can have my turn!
Um…
What is that?
Beats me. I've never seen it
in any of my demon books.
-It's not a demon.
It's a monster.
Let's just kill it
and pretend we never saw it. Okay?
No, that's not the way.
Look, let me try again.
This one might appreciate a handshake.
Uh, welcome to Earth, this is a handshake.
It's a way of greeting.
Or maybe not.
Norma! No, no, no!
How about a high five?
What did I do?
-You slapped it in the face!
-What?
Contact established,
hostile environment detected.
Hands off!
I banish thee!
Oh, come on.
-Huh?
-Barborah! Help us!
I thought I made you three
the demon cleanup crew.
-What do you call this?
-Over time?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to slap you in the face.
Hey. Want to try an elbow bump? No?
How about you? Elbow?
Huh?
-Barney!
-Logs!
I mean, Lumberjack.
I wore a checked shirt here once.
Let me go!
-What are we going to do?
Gah! This is why I don't like bowling.
-Ah! This is why I don't like demons.
-Logs, I'm sorry.
I wanted to go bowling with you
but I'm no good and I…
I just wanted to impress you.
You're fine, can we talk about this later?
-No, really, do you find me--
-For crying out loud, you are impressive!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You still don't trust me?
-Eh…
-Sure.
Kinda.
This is all my fault.
Pugsley!
Nothing's coming out of this baby,
on my watch. I promise you.
I can't let him take me!
-No!
-Courtney, are you crazy?
Get out of here!
-Courtney?
-He knows your name!
-I'm sorry, okay?
I've been so good. But fine.
Shackle me, punish me, do whatever,
just don't hurt my friends, okay?
You two know each other?
Oh!
There's been a terrible misunderstanding.
No. I've come down here
to congratulate you all.
For what? Extensive property damage?
Uh, for stopping that invasion, of course.
Especially our dear Courtney.
She's a superstar upstairs.
It's a tall order stopping not one,
but two demon kings.
Had it not been
for Courtney's bravery
they would surely have
conquered not only Earth,
but risen up to attack us angels.
Wait. Angels?
Of course!
Apologies,
I have not properly introduced myself.
I am Fingers. I am an angel.
Oh, my ghost.
I slapped an angel in the face.
Let me get those cuffs off you.
Oh. See, they um, uh…
fell off in the shower.
Well, more good news.
I'll be living with you from now on.
Oh, uh, that's not really, uh, necessary.
Oh, you won't really notice me.
I'll just be a nice buddy
who checks up on you from time to time
to make sure
you're not breaking any rules.
What, like a parole officer?
What funny terms.
No, let me put it another way.
I'll monitor you and help you
adjust to your new-found freedom
without causing any more
inter-dimensional violations.
Mm, that sounds
exactly like a parole officer.
Anyway, don't mind me.
Let us continue
your strange little knock 'em down game.
Have you seen the state of this pl--
Well done, demon cleanup crew.
Let's play.
Ugh.
Uh, fine, we can keep you.
-Whoo-hoo!
-Yes!
Hey, you know what?
It's nice to just hang out sometimes.
Error, error!
Stop poking me!
I think
I'm done with bowling for today.
-Wanna grab some food?
-Mm-hmm.
Strike, baby!
Did I do that?
That was you?
Can you teach me?
You betcha!
Yes. That's the one.