Darkwing Duck (1991–1992): Season 1, Episode 1 - Darkly Dawns the Duck: Part 1 - full transcript

♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪

♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪

♪ SWOOPS OUT
OF THE SHADOWS ♪

♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE
SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪

♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪

3, 2, 1!

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS.



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!

♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪

♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪

♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND ♪

♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪

♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪

♪ THE BAD GUYS
ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪

♪ HERE COMES ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LOOK OUT!

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS!



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
YOU BAD BOYS ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪

THIS IS THE CITY
OF ST. CANARD.

LIKE ANY OTHER METROPOLIS,

IT HAS PROBLEMS
WITH THE CRIMINAL ELEMENT.

ANOTHER ORDER
OF DASTARDLY DELINQUENTS

DEPOSITED ON YOUR DOORSTEP,
COURTESY OF DARKWING DUCK.

TWO WORDS, CAPITAL Ds.

FOR MORE PHOTOS,
MY NUMBER'S ON THE CARD.

I MUST GO.

THE SCENT OF CRIME
IS IN THE AIR.

WHERE'S THE PRESS?

WHERE'S
THE MEDIA GLUT?

WHERE'S
THE ACTION NEWS VAN?

AND I SPENT ALL AFTERNOON
IRONING THIS CAPE.

YES!

ANOTHER NIGHT CLEANSED
OF ITS CRIMINAL ELEMENT,

THANKS TO DARKWING DUCK!

AHH, I CAN'T WAIT

TO HIT THE HAY.

BUT FIRST, A BIT OF...

BREAKFAST.

ALL RIGHTY. STAY SHARP,

STAY FIXED. STAY FED.

GO.

YA! HEE! HOO!

UH!

WHEW!

OUCH!

[BLOWS ON HAND]

YES. A NEW WORLD'S RECORD.

EVERYTHING A CHAMPION
NEEDS FOR BREAKFAST...

EXCEPT THE MILK.

I ALWAYS FORGET THE MILK.

WHOO! WELL, MAYBE I'LL
JUST SKIP BREAKFAST THIS ONCE.

SO I MAKE MISTAKES.

THERE'S NO PUNK
IN THIS CITY

THAT ISN'T AFRAID
OF DARKWING DUCK.

AHH! I JUST WISH
I COULD GET A SHOT

AT A REALLY
BIG-TIME CRIMINAL.

LET ME UNDERSTAND THIS,
HAMMERHEAD.

YOU AND YOUR ASSOCIATES
ARE QUESTIONING
MY PLANS?

GEE, BOSS, NO.
SORT OF.

WE WERE WONDERING

IF WE COULDN'T WAIT
TILL THE TRAIN STOPS

TO STEAL THE RAMROD.

WHEN THE ARMY TAKES
CONTROL OF THE WEAPON

WITH ITS TANKS
AND JEEPS AND GUARDS?

WE DIDN'T
THINK OF THAT.

WHY DIDN'T YOU
THINK OF THAT?

BECAUSE I AM THE BRAIN,
AND YOU'RE THE STOOGE.

I'M A STOOGE.
JUST CALL ME CURLY.

IT'S THE FIRST TIME
THE RAMROD HAS BEEN MOVED

SINCE WADDLEMEYER'S DEATH.

ONCE THE ARMY HAS IT,

I MAY NEVER GET
ANOTHER CHANCE!

I WON'T BE PUT OFF
BECAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID!

WARDEN.

THAT NUISANCE.
VERY WELL.

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.

DON'T COME BACK
WITHOUT THE RAMROD.

WELL, TAURUS BULLBA.

I TRUST YOU'RE STILL
ENJOYING YOUR STAY

IN PRISON?

IT'S PEACEFUL.
NO ONE BOTHERS ME.

ACTUALLY, IT SUITS
MY BUSINESS NEEDS
PERFECTLY.

AS TWILIGHT SHADOWS
CREEP BY,

THE LONE FIGURE
OF DARKWING DUCK

SCANS THE CITY
FOR EVIDENCE OF WRONGDOING,

CATCHING SIGHT OF...
AN EAGLE?

MORE PRECISELY,
A CONDOR.

I KNOW BIRDS
TRAVEL SOUTH,

BUT THIS IS THE FIRST
WITH LUGGAGE.

THIS FEATHERY INTRIGUE

IS BEST INVESTIGATED
BY DARKWING DUCK.

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]

AAH!

OOH!
AAH!
OW!

[SAWING]

HEY, HAMMERHEAD, AIN'T WE
CUTE IN OUR SOLDIER SUITS?

YEAH.
TWO FIVE-STAR GENERALS.

JUST WATCH FOR TROUBLE.

HMM. THIS SHOULDN'T BE
TOO HARD.

I HOPE THIS PEASHOOTER
IS WORTH ALL THE TROUBLE.

WHERE'S THAT STUPID BIRD?

AAH!

YOU LOUSY PIGEON!
I'M GOING TO--

HAMMERHEAD!

IS THE WADDLEMEYER
RAMROD SECURE?

LIKE A BABY.

EXCELLENT.
PROCEED
WITH THE PLAN.

HA HA! EXCELLENT.
EXCELLENT.

I'VE G-GOT TO SEE
ABOUT G-GETTING NEW SHOCKS.

ONE SIDE,
C-CONDUCTOR P-PERSON.

YOU CAN'T
GO IN THERE.

THAT'S TOP SECRET.

NO WORRY.
JUST CHECKING OUT

AN UNAUTHORIZED
BIRD BOARDING.

HOOF AND MOUTH
WORK FOR TAURUS BULLBA!

BULLBA'S BIG.

IT'S MY SHOT
AT BIG-TIME CRIME BUSTING...

WHAT DARKWING DUCK
WAS BORN FOR.

I AM THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS
IN THE NIGHT.

I AM THE SWITCH
THAT DERAILS
YOUR TRAIN.

I AM DARKWING

DU--[GULP]

IS HE DEAD?
HE MUST BE DEAD.

SORRY. I'M FINE,

BUT YOU'RE TAKING
A TURN FOR THE WORSE.

I'LL GIVE POLICE
MORE THAN DESCRIPTIONS.

PHOTOS?

YOU'LL NEVER GET
A GOOD SHOT THERE.

GO AHEAD. TAKE IT.

HOW'S THIS?
NOT TOO PRETENTIOUS, I HOPE.

I HAVE TO WORK,
BUT GET COPIES

TO ALL THE MAJOR DAILIES.

WELL, PASTE THIS
IN YOUR SCRAPBOOK.

OH, THAT'S GOING
TO LEAVE A MARK.

YOU'RE OUT OF
YOUR LEAGUE.

RUN ALONG
TO YOUR COSTUME PARTY.

YOU CAN'T GET RID
OF DARKWING DUCK
EASILY.

AAH!

WHO'S THIS CLOWN?

HE'S NOT.
ONE OF MINE.

TANTALUS,
TAKE CARE OF HIM.

[BIRD SCREECHES]

HEY, HEY!
WAIT A MINUTE.

AAH!

OOH...OOH.

BRUISED...BATTERED...

BUT NEVER DEFEATED.

DARKWING DUCK
SPRINGS BACK TO ACTION.

CLEVER OF ME
TO USE MY SPINE

TO BREAK MY FALL
LIKE THAT.

HOLD IT,
YOU PIRATE.

NO, I'M--

NOBODY BUT NOBODY

MESSES WITH
THE AIRPLANES
IN MY HANGAR,

OR MY NAME ISN'T
LAUNCHPAD McQUACK.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I'M NOT A THIEF. I'M--

DARKWING DUCK!

YOU KNOW ME?

I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!

A FAN? REALLY?

AHEM...I MEAN, REALLY?

SURE. WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

JUST ANOTHER STOPOVER
IN MY NEVER-ENDING
FIGHT AGAINST--

YOU'RE A PILOT!

WE'LL CAN USE THIS PLANE!

I GOT SOMETHING
A LOT BETTER.

NO TIME.
WE HAVE EVILDOERS
TO THWART.

IN THE NEXT HANGAR--

NO, FAN.
I'LL GIVE YOU
MY AUTOGRAPH.

I'M HERE FOR YOU, D.W.

THAT'S DARKWING DU--AAH!

I COULD BE
YOUR SIDEKICK.

I GOT A SCRAPBOOK
OF YOUR NEWSPAPER
CLIPPINGS.

IT'S NOT A BIG
SCRAPBOOK.

SHOULDN'T WE FACE
THE OTHER WAY?

YEAH. SORRY.
I SOMETIMES HAVE
TROUBLE WITH THAT.

IT'S RIGHT UNDER US.
CAN WE GO LOWER?

NO PROBLEMO.

AAH!

GOSH...THANKS.

HEY.
I AIM TO PLEASE.

IT'S THAT COSTUMED
MEDDLER AGAIN.
GET RID OF HIM.

O.K., I'M HERE.

HOW TO TURN
THIS THING AROUND?

ALL RIGHT, BEAKFACE,
THIS IS GETTING MONOTONOUS.

YOU'D BETTER--AAH!

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I LIKE MONOTONY.

WHOO OOH AAH!

I'M COMING, D.W.

AAH!

LOOKS LIKE BIRDY
IS COMING BACK FOR SECONDS.

I'LL SHAKE HIM, D.W.

THAT'S DARKWING...

ING...ING...ING!

DO HOO!

HA AAH!

AAH HA HA HA!

AAH!

LAUNCHPAD!

THEY...THEY GOT AWAY.

CAN'T ARGUE.
WHAT DO WE DO NEXT?

WE?WE DO NOTHING.

I WORK ALONE.

BUT I COULD BE
YOUR SIDEKICK.

SINGING COWBOYS
HAVE SIDEKICKS.

I RELY ON ME.
GOT THAT?

OH, PLEASE, PLEASE,
PLEASE..

I'LL MAKE THIS
CLEAR--

I NEVER WANT
TO SEE YOU AGAIN, EVER!

O.K. SO, UH...

DO YOU WANT
MY PHONE NUMBER?

[BUZZER]

DOING AN HONEST
DAY'S WORK

MUST BE A NEW
EXPERIENCE, BULLBA.

MAYBE YOU'LL GET
TIME OFF FOR
GOOD BEHAVIOR--

IN 99 YEARS OR SO.

WOULDN'T MIND
POUNDING THAT PINHEAD.

IGNORE HIM.

SUCH PETTY ANNOYANCES
WILL DISAPPEAR

ONCE I USE THE RAMROD.

OH, JEEPERS.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

LET'S FIRE IT UP,
HIT SOME BANKS.

IT'S USELESS
WITHOUT THE ARMING CODE.

SOMEONE ARRANGED
AN ACCIDENT

FOR PROFESSOR WADDLEMEYER
LAST YEAR

BEFORE I COULD LEARN IT.

IDIOTS! I TOLD YOU--

GO TO THE ST. CANARD
ORPHANAGE

AND GET
HIS GRANDDAUGHTER.

SHE WAS PRACTICALLY
RAISED IN HIS LAB.

IF ANYONE KNOWS
THE CODE, SHE DOES.

UH, B-BU...

AFTER WE GET THE CODE

THEN SHE'LL
HAVE AN ACCIDENT
LIKE HER GRANDFATHER.

I TRUST
YOU'LL GET THE ORDER
RIGHT THIS TIME.

NO PROBLEM.

CODE FIRST,
THEN ACCIDENT.

MM-HMM. THIS IS
GOSALYN WADDLEMEYER.

YOU WILLINGLY
CAME TO VISIT HER?

I'M A FAMILY FRIEND.
I'M IN THE BACKGROUND.

IT LOOKS LIKE
A GRAPE JELLY STAIN.

THOSE ARE...TEAR STAINS.

WHERE IS THE CUPCAKE?

THE CUPCAKE
IS OUTSIDE PLAYING--

AAH!

COMING THROUGH.
ALL RIGHT.

PLAY IT WHERE IT LAYS.

OUCH!

GOAL!

I'M IN A GAME.
CAN'T CHAT NOW.

JUST PARK IT!

I DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT A PIG.

PIG?

PIG? I MEANT BIG,
AS IN BIG OF YOU

TO TAKE AN INTEREST
IN ME.

WE'LL TALK LATER.

MR. HANNIGAN, HERE,
CLAIMS TO HAVE KNOWN
YOUR GRANDFATHER.

YOU KNEW GRANDPA?

SURE. THAT'S ME
IN THE BACKGROUND.

IT LOOKS LIKE
GRAPE JELLY.

LET'S WALK AROUND
AND TALK ABOUT
YOUR GRANDDAD.

CAN I?

I SUPPOSE
IT'S ALL RIGHT...

IF YOU STAY
ON THE ORPHANAGE
GROUNDS.

GREAT.

EUGENE, HAVE YOU
HEARD ANYTHING
ABOUT A PIG?

AFTER MOM AND DAD
DIED,

GRANDPA WAS THE
ONLY FAMILY I HAD.

BUT I'VE MADE
FRIENDS HERE.
IT'S NOT BAD...

UNTIL ADOPTION DAY.

I'M ALWAYS SAYING
GOODBY TO SOMEONE.

I'M NOT
A PROBLEM CHILD!

GRANDPA SAID I HAVE
LOTS OF SPIRIT.

HE SAID WHEN
YOU HAVE SPIRIT,
OTHERS LOOK EMPTY.

SOMEDAY
I'LL MEET SOMEBODY
WHO UNDERSTANDS.

THEN I'LL BE ADOPTED.

TECHNICALLY SPEAKING,

AREN'T THE ORPHANAGE
GROUNDS

ON THE OTHER SIDE?

I THOUGHT WE'D GO
FOR A RIDE.

I'M OUT OF HERE!

TAURUS BULLBA
WANTS TO TALK
WITH YOU.

HERE'S
A MESSAGE FOR HIM.

HA!

NOBODY KIDNAPS
GOSALYN WADDLEMEYER.

NEVER FEAR, MISS,
DARKWING DUCK HAS YOU NOW.

I'M NOT ONE OF
THE BAD GUYS!

YEAH, RIGHT!
WITH A MASK.

YOU'RE CONVINCED NOW?
STAY DOWN.

I HAVE A SURPRISE.

WHOA!
WHOA!
WHOA!

WHAT ELSE
DOES IT DO?

WHY?
DON'T TOUCH!

I'LL SHOW HIM.

EVERY HERO
NEEDS A SIDEKICK.

BUT HOW AM I GOING
TO FIND D.W.?

AAH!

HANDY.

HANG ON, D.W.

WHAT'S THE RUSH?
YIPES!

YOU'LL BE SAFE
WITH THE POLICE.

HE'S ATTACKING. FIRE!

I FEEL
REAL SAFE NOW.

B-BUT I--

HOW DID YOU MAKE
THOSE GUYS MAD?

NOTHING.

HOW ABOUT
ROBBING A TRAIN?

WHAT?
NOT A BAD PICTURE.

DOES IT LOOK
PRETENTIOUS?

DRASTIC TIMES
MEANS DRASTIC ACTION.

CAN YOU HOLD
YOUR BREATH?

DON'T DO IT.
IT'S A DEAD END.

WHOA!

NICE TRICK, D.W.

THAT'S ONE WAY
TO LOSE THOSE BAD GUYS.

D.W.? ER, LITTLE GIRL?
ANYBODY?

THE BOSS
WON'T LIKE THIS.

WOW, A POLICE CHASE
WITH BULLETS
AND CROOKS.

IT BEATS STUDY HALL
AT THE ORPHANAGE.

YOUR DAYS
ARE LIKE THIS?

NO, I'M USUALLY
SLEEPING.

BUT AFTER LEARNING
PROFESSOR WADDLEMEYER
HAD A GRANDDAUGHTER,

I HAD TO REACH YOU
BEFORE BULLBA.

WHO IS HE?

A CLEVER CRIMINAL
MASTERMIND

WHO, I'M CONVINCED,
IS STILL OPERATING
HIS GANGS

FROM INSIDE PRISON.

LIKE THE COMICS.
ARE YOU GUYS
ETERNAL ENEMIES?

AHEM...WELL...
ACTUALLY, HE DOESN'T
KNOW I EXIST.

BUT HE SOON WILL.
MARK MY WORDS.

KEEN GEAR!

WHAT A HIDEOUT.

OH, YES, IT'S JUST
A LITTLE SHACK

I LIKE TO CALL HOME.

WE HAVE TO FIND YOU
A SAFE PLACE TO STAY.

CAN'T I STAY HERE?
WE'RE A GREAT TEAM.

I AM NOT A TEAM.

I'M SORRY, BUT--
DON'T TOUCH THAT!

LITTLE THINGS
LIKE THAT TEND TO
CRAMP MY STYLE.

WHERE'S MY PHONE BOOK?
I'LL FIND YOU A HOTEL.

OR THE ANIMAL SHELTER.

I COULD LEAVE,
BUT I MIGHT LET IT SLIP

WHERE A CERTAIN
MASKED AVENGER HANGS OUT.

YOU WOULDN'T!

I'M A KID--
IRRESPONSIBLE.

OOH...

LIKE I SAID,

IT'S DANGEROUS OUT THERE.
YOU SHOULD STAY CLOSE.

THANKS, DARKWING.

YEAH, RIGHT.

WE DIDN'T KNOW
THE DUCK WOULD
OFF HIMSELF

AND THE KID.

IT WASN'T OUR FAULT.

IT WAS
THEIR FAULT.

THAT CLOWN
IS TOO CONCERNED
ABOUT HIS IMAGE

TO KILL A LITTLE GIRL.

HE HAS HER HIDDEN.

WE DRAW HIM OUT
AND GET HER.

CLOVIS, IF THE RAMROD
IS SECURED,

WE'LL SAY GOODBY
TO THE WARDEN.

RIGHT AWAY.

OH, IT'S TIME FOR
MY AFTERNOON GLOAT

OVER TAURUS BULLBA.

W-WHAT'S THAT?

AAH!
AAH!

HE'S BEEN MAKING
MORE THAN LICENSE PLATES.

IT'S A SHAME
TO LOSE A HIDEOUT

AS PERFECT AS A PRISON,
BUT ALL THINGS MUST END.

HA HA. TIME OFF FOR
GOOD BEHAVIOR, INDEED.

CLOVIS,
TAKE US DOWNTOWN.

IT'S TIME I MET
THIS DARKWING DUCK.