Daria (1997–2001): Season 5, Episode 4 - Camp Fear - full transcript

- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪

- DAMN SALAD TONGS!

- WRISTWATCH TRYING TO MAKE
A BREAK FOR IT AGAIN?

- LOUSY STUPID WATCH

JUST SLIPPED OFF THE COUNTER

WITHOUT ANY PROVOCATION.

HEY, DARIA.

YOU'VE GOT SMALL HANDS.

- BUT MY BIG BRAIN TELLS ME

NOT TO STICK THEM INTO
GARBAGE DISPOSALS.

- WHY DO THEY ALWAYS PUT THESE
STUPID DRAINS

RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SINK,
ANYWAY?

OW!

- DAD, GUESS WHAT.

CAMP GRIZZLY IS HAVING
A FIFTH-YEAR REUNION.

- QUICK, PUT ON CNN

SO WE CAN CATCH THE ACTION
AS IT UNFOLDS.

- DARIA,
YOU GOT AN INVITATION TOO.

AND, JAKE, YOU GOT ANOTHER ONE
OF THOSE

JOHN WAYNE COLLECTABLE COINS.

- RIO BRAVO!

I'LL GOING TO PUT THIS ONE UP
NEXT TO RIO LOBO.

HUH.

LOOKS A LITTLE LIKE RIO GRANDE.

- DARN.

THIS REUNION IS NEXT WEEKEND,

AND I ALREADY PROMISED
PRINCE CHARMING

I'D GO TO THE BALL.

- WELL, I'M GOING.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE FRIENDS
I MADE

IN MY DAYS OF
CHILDISH INNOCENCE,

BEFORE HIGH SCHOOL

AND ITS WEB OF COMPLICATED
AND COMPETITIVE RELATIONSHIPS,

WHEN JUST BEING GIRLS TOGETHER
WAS ENOUGH.

- HAVE YOU BEEN WATCHING
LITTLE WOMEN AGAIN?

- YOU KNOW, THE DUKE MADE
A MOVIE CALLED BIG JAKE.

[imitating John Wayne]
WELL, PILGRIM.

- DARIA.

DON'T YOU HAVE
THE SLIGHTEST URGE

TO RELIVE YOUR OLD
CAMP MEMORIES?

- WHY WOULD I WANT TO RETURN
TO A PLACE

WHERE I WAS FLATTERINGLY
REFERRED TO

AS "THE WEIRD KID?"

- [sighs] VERY WELL.

I CAN'T MAKE YOU GO.

BESIDES, DAD AND I COULD
REALLY USE SOME HELP

CLEANING OUT THE GARAGE
NEXT WEEKEND.

- SPEAKING OF FORCED LABOR...

- WE'RE CLEANING OUT THE GARAGE?

- WE ARE NOW.

- BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO
THE WEEKEND AT THE COUNTRY INN?

- I TOLD YOU,

I HAVE TO WORK SATURDAY.

THE INN IS OUT.

- STUPID, LOUSY...

clank!

DAMN IT!

MY NEW COIN SLIPPED DOWN
THE DISPOSAL

WITHOUT ANY PROVOCATION!

- HEY, QUINN,
YOU'VE GOT SMALL HANDS.

- I'M NOT PLAYING
WITH THAT THING!

- IT'S NOT A THING;
IT'S A SITAR.

IT SOUNDS VERY SPIRITUAL.
CHICKS LOVE THAT CRAP.

- DUDE, WE'RE THE SPIRAL.

WE'RE NOT SPIRITUAL.

WE'RE HARDCORE!

- SPIRITUAL?

ARE WE DOING A GIG AT A CHURCH?

- MAN, WE HAVE TO EXPERIMENT,
OR WE'LL GET STALE.

YOU KNOW, IF A SHARK DOESN'T
KEEP SWIMMING,

IT JUST STANDS STILL.

- WE'RE NOT A DAMN FISH.

RIGHT, TRENT?

- UM, I DON'T KNOW, GUYS.

- THE SPIRAL ROCKS ON ITS OWN.

MAN, WE DON'T NEED TO EVOLUTE.

THERE'S NO EVOLUTING GOING ON.

- WHAT KIND OF SICKO VOYEUR

WOULD SET UP A HIDDEN CAMERA
IN AN INTENSIVE CARE UNIT?

THE PEEK-A-BOO ICU,
NEXT ON SICK, SAD WORLD.

- COME ON, CAMP'S NOT SO BAD.

AT LEAST YOU DIDN'T HAVE
TO SPEND SUMMERS ON A COMMUNE

WITH YOUR PARENTS' FRIENDS.

- YOUR PARENTS' FRIENDS
DIDN'T MAKE YOU HOP A MILE

IN A BURLAP SACK.

- YOUR CAMP COUNSELORS DIDN'T
MAKE YOU MAKE A BURLAP SACK.

- SKIP STEVENS, THE
SELF-PROCLAIMED BIG-MAN-ON-CAMP,

NEVER MADE YOU SING,
"WE'LL NEVER FORGET YOU,

"DEAR OLD CAMP GRIZZLY.

YOU'RE WITH US IN SUNSHINE

AND WEATHER MORE DRIZZLY."

- I WAS GOING TO BRING UP
THE COMPOSTING NEXT,

BUT I KNOW WHEN I'M BEAT.

- HEY.

- LET ME GUESS: YOU WOKE UP
AT 4:00 THIS AFTERNOON

AND COULDN'T GET BACK TO SLEEP.

- IT'S NOT JUST THAT.
IT'S SPIRAL.

I THINK WE'RE PAST OUR PRIME.

- I BELIEVE YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO HIT YOUR PRIME

BEFORE YOU PASS IT,
BUT OKAY.

- MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST BREAK UP.

- TRENT, THINK ABOUT WHAT
YOU'RE SAYING.

YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT YOUR
PRIMARY MEANS OF UNEMPLOYMENT.

- YEAH, THINK.

THAT'S WHAT I NEED TO DO.

GET AWAY AND THINK.

- HEY, WHY DON'T TRENT AND I
GIVE YOU A RIDE TO YOUR REUNION?

WE CAN HANG OUT IN THE STICKS

WHILE YOU'RE LEADING
THE COLOR WAR.

A WASTE OF TIME
WILL BE HAD BY ALL.

- HMM.

- THERE'S JUST ONE CATCH.

- WHAT'S THAT?

- EW!

LOOK HOW DIRTY THOSE SHEEP ARE.

FROM NOW ON,
I BUY ONLY IMPORTED SWEATERS.

GOD, I BET THERE'S
NOT AN OUTLET STORE

WITHIN 100 MILES.

NOT THAT ANYONE WOULD KNOW
WHAT TO BUY

AFTER LIVING OUT HERE
FOR SO LONG.

HUH, SOME PEOPLE
ARE BEYOND HELP.

- I WAS JUST THINKING
THE SAME THING.

- ANYWAY, AS I WAS SAYING,

WE'VE LOST OUR INSPIRATION.

I ALWAYS SAID
I'D GET OUT OF MUSIC

BEFORE I BECAME A CLICHE.

- I DON'T REMEMBER YOU EVER
SAYING THAT.

- NOT IN WORDS.

IN MY SOLOS.

- STOP HERE.
I HAVE TO GET OUT.

- COULDN'T YOU HAVE TOLD US THIS
TWO HOURS AGO?

- HA.

AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT
TAKING ME HOME.

I'LL FIND MY OWN RIDE.

- SHE DIDN'T SAY THAT JUST
TO GET OUR HOPES UP, DID SHE?

- QUINN!

- TRACY, CINDY, TATIANA!

HEY, CAN I HAVE A RIDE HOME?

GREAT, JUST LIKE I REMEMBERED.

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

- DARIA, YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO
MAKE FRIENDS

IF YOU KEEP YOUR NOSE BURIED
IN A BOOK.

- LET'S HOPE.

- [sighs]

- HEY.

- NOW, WHERE'S QUINN?

- DAMN IT!

I KNEW WE FORGOT SOMETHING.

- COME ON, QUINN.

WE'RE HERE.

- I DON'T WANT TO GO TO CAMP!

I DON'T WANT TO GO TO CAMP!

HEY, THAT GIRL HAS MY BACKPACK.

LOOK, I HAVE THE SAME BACKPACK.

- HMM.

I CAN SEE WHERE THE UNTRAINED
EYE WOULD THINK SO.

IT'S QUITE A SKILLFUL IMITATION.

- UM, I LIKE YOUR HAIR.

- WHO'S THAT WEIRD GIRL
OVER THERE WITH YOUR PARENTS?

- SHE'S SO PALE.

- THAT'S MY SIS...

COUSIN.

DISTANT COUSIN.

- AND I'VE BEEN HER
DISTANT COUSIN EVER SINCE.

- SO THIS IS WHERE IT ALL BEGAN.

- SPEAKING
OF UNPLEASANT MEMORIES...

- DARIA?

IS THAT YOU?

- NO, I'M A DECOY
TO FLUSH OUT ASSASSINS.

HI, AMELIA.

- THANK GOD.

I WAS AFRAID YOU WEREN'T COMING,

AND THEN THERE WOULD BE
NO REASON FOR ME TO COME,

BECAUSE I WOULDN'T HAVE ANYONE
TO TALK TO.

WHAT'S NEW?

- HMM.

DARIA HAVING A SECRET FAN CLUB
IS PRETTY NEW.

- REALLY?

- YOU HAVE A FAN CLUB?
COOL.

- DARIA, WHEN I MET YOU,

YOU SAID YOU WERE A BIG OUTCAST
WHO NOBODY LIKED.

HAS OUR WHOLE LIFE TOGETHER
BEEN A LIE?

- HEY, GRIZZLIES!

SKIP STEVENS,
ALUMNI COORDINATOR.

GRAB A GRIZZLY T-SHIRT.

- BUT THEY DIDN'T GO HERE.

- CAMP PUMA.
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.

HA, NICE TRY, KITTY CATS,
BUT GRIZZLIES RULE.

GROWL!

GO GRIZZLIES!

- YOU KNOW,
WE REALLY SHOULD BE GOING.

- NOW COME ON,
LET'S SEE SOME CAMP SPIRIT.

PUT THESE PUMAS IN THEIR PLACE.

- YEAH, WE HAD BETTER
HIT THE ROAD.

- COME ON, I'LL START US OFF.

GO GRIZZLIES!

GO GRIZZLIES!

GO GRIZZLIES!

- HEY, HONEY!
- OH!

- HA HA.

I'D FORGOTTEN WE'D HAD
ALL THIS STUFF.

IT MUST HAVE BEEN AGES AGO
THAT WE WENT SCUBA DIVING.

I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER IT.

- MEMORY SURE IS A FUNNY THING.

- WHEN WAS THAT, HELEN?

- GEE, UM, I DON'T RECALL.

- I REMEMBER GOING TO THAT
DIVING SCHOOL

AND GETTING CERTIFIED.

LOUSY CHLORINE POISONING.

'CAUSE WE WERE TAKING THAT TWO
WEEK VACATION

IN THE CARIBBEAN AND THEN...

OH, YEAH.

NOW I REMEMBER.

YOU COULDN'T GO.

YOU HAD SOME MERGER
OR SOMETHING,

AND WE HAD TO POSTPONE
THE TRIP.

- OH, UM, YES, THAT'S RIGHT.

- WE NEVER DID RESCHEDULE IT.

- WE DIDN'T?

OH, LOOK, A SCOOTER.

- THIS'LL BE ALL FOR YOU?
- YEAH.

- CAN I TEMPT YOU WITH A COOKIE?

ME AND MY WIFE MAKE 'EM
RIGHT BACK IN THE HOUSE THERE.

- TWO BUCKS APIECE?

THERE MUST BE GOLD
IN THAT ICING.

- OH, NO.

IT'S NOT WHAT YOU
PUT INTO THE COOKIES,

IT'S WHAT YOU
PUT INTO THE COOKIES.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

- OH, SURE.

YOU'RE SAYING
YOU HAVE ECHOLALIA.

ECHOLALIA.

- I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

THE TWO BUCKS
ISN'T FOR THE INGREDIENTS.

THE COOKIE'S VALUABLE
BECAUSE OF THE PART OF YOURSELF

THAT WENT INTO IT.

- RIGHT.

- MAN, THAT'S SOMETHING
TO THINK ABOUT.

- THIS PART OF YOURSELF,

IT WASN'T ONE OF
THE SQUISHIER ORGANS, WAS IT?

- RIGHT NOW
WE'RE TRYING TO COME UP

WITH THE PERFECT POTATO CHIP.

YOU KIDS INTERESTED
IN POTATO CHIPS?

- NOT REALLY.
- YEAH.

- BEFORE WE BEGIN OUR HIKE...

IS THIS THING ON?
HELLO?

- IT'S ON, MR. POTTS!

- THANK YOU, SKIP.

- NO, THANK YOU, MR. POTTS.

- [sighs]

WE'RE REAL GLAD TO SEE
ALL THESE FORMER GRIZZLIES

AT THE REUNION.

AND WHEN THE TIME COMES
THAT YOU HAVE CUBS OF YOUR OWN,

WE HOPE THEY'LL BE PROUD TO SAY,

"I'M A GRIZZLY.
GRR."

EVERYONE READY FOR A HIKE?

[indistinct grumbling]

- HE SAID, "IS EVERYONE READY
FOR A HIKE?"

[indistinct grumbling]

- I WISH SKIP WOULD TAKE A HIKE.

- [laughs]

YOU'RE FUNNY, DARIA.

HEY, WHERE'S YOUR T-SHIRT?

- I'M NOT WEARING IT.

- I GUESS WE BETTER JOIN THEM.

- YOU GO AHEAD.

I DON'T WANT TO SCARE THE OTHER
HIKERS WITH MY LIMP.

- HMM.

YOU THINK THEY'D MIND
IF I STAYED HERE TOO?

- AMELIA, HAVE YOU
EVER PLAYED MONOPOLY?

- OF COURSE.
WHY?

- YOU'RE NOT IN CAMP ANYMORE.

YOU'RE JUST VISITING.

DO WHAT YOU WANT.

- COOL.

I'M STAYING WITH YOU.

- GREAT.

- THIS REMINDS ME OF THE TIME
YOU BOYCOTTED

THE END-OF-SUMMER CAMPFIRE
BY THE LAKE.

THAT WAS SO COOL.

- ACTUALLY, I WASN'T INVITED.

- OH.

[chuckles]

REMEMBER THE TIME YOU TOOK OFF
ON YOUR HORSE

AND LEFT US ALL BEHIND?

- YOU MEAN THE TIME
THE HORSE RAN OFF WITH ME ON IT

AND TOSSED ME IN THE RIVER,

AND I HAD TO HAVE
NINE STITCHES?

- OH, RIGHT.

HEY, REMEMBER THAT AWFUL GAME
WITH THE WATERMELON?

- WE'VE GREASED THE WATERMELON
WITH EXTRA VASELINE THIS TIME.

- YOU GUYS ARE DEAD MEAT.

DEAD MEAT.

- EASY THERE, SKIP.

NOW, AFTER I BLOW THE WHISTLE,

WHICHEVER TEAM BRINGS
THE WATERMELON ASHORE

GETS TO EAT IT.

READY, GRIZZLIES?

- LET'S GO, TEAM.

LET'S KICK THEIR BUTTS.

[whistle blows]

- COME ON, SLACKER.

- I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE
MAKING US HIKE LIKE THIS.

- I KNOW.

IT'S NOT LIKE THEY EVER DID THIS
STUFF WHEN WE WERE CAMPERS.

- ACTUALLY, UM,
THEY DID HAVE HIKES.

WE JUST DIDN'T GO, REMEMBER?

- OH, YEAH.

- THAT'S RIGHT.

A CAMPER HAS TO KNOW WHEN ACTIVE
IS TOO ACTIVE.

LIKE, NOW.

- HEY, THIS REMINDS ME
OF THAT WATERMELON GAME.

- OH, YEAH.

- HEY, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
CHASING THE GREASY WATERMELON.

- SKIP, WE DON'T DO GREASY.

- YOU GUYS HAVE NO CAMP SPIRIT.

- GEEK.

- I WONDER WHO'LL BRING US
THE WATERMELON TODAY.

- BILLY.
- BOBBY.

All: BENJI.

[indistinct arguing]

- I LOVED THAT GAME.

- WE NEVER DID TAKE
THAT CAMPING TRIP.

YOU KNOW WHY?

- THE COMBUSTIBLE KETCHUP
LAWSUIT.

THOUGHT WE WERE GOING
TO WIN THAT ONE, TOO.

- AND WHAT ABOUT
THE SKI VACATION?

OR THAT BICYCLE TOUR?

WE DIDN'T GO ON THOSE EITHER

BECAUSE SOMEONE HAD TO WORK!

- WELL, FORGIVE ME
BECAUSE I CAN'T ALWAYS GET AWAY.

- CAN'T ALWAYS?
LOOK AROUND.

THE WORD IS "NEVER."

NEVER! NEVER! NEVER!

DAMN SKIS!

- HERE YA GO.

BREAD AND CHEESE SLICES.

TOLD YOU MY WIFE COULD COOK.

- OH, EARL.

THERE'S NOTHING SPECIAL
ABOUT CHEESE SANDWICHES.

- I'LL SAY.

- IT'S JUST SIMPLE,
WHOLESOME FOOD,

AND AIN'T NO SHAME IN SIMPLE
IF IT'S GOOD.

- WOW.

THAT'S REALLY, REALLY TRUE.

- YOU KIDS THINK YOU MIGHT WANT
ANOTHER SANDWICH

BEFORE YOUR POTATO CHIP
TASTE TEST?

- THAT DEPENDS.

ARE YOU GOING TO UNWRAP
THE CHEESE THIS TIME?

- SURE THING,
IF EARL WILL HELP ME.

- THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

- WHY THE HELL DID YOU AGREE
TO TRY THEIR POTATO CHIPS?

YOU THINK THE INBREEDING
ADDS TO THE FLAVOR?

- THESE PEOPLE KNOW
SOMETHING, JANEY.

THEY'RE FULL OF COUNTRY WISDOM.

- THEY'RE FULL OF
UNDIGESTED CELLOPHANE.

- THEY CAN HELP ME FIGURE OUT
WHERE SPIRAL WENT WRONG.

- YOU GUYS NEEDED A BREAK FROM
EACH OTHER, THAT'S ALL.

JESSE GETS ON NICK'S NERVES.

NICK GETS ON MAX'S NERVES.

YOU GET ON JESSE'S NERVES.

- JANEY, THAT'S CRAZY TALK.

HOW COULD I EVER
GET ON ANYONE'S NERVES?

- GUESS WHAT?

- WE FIGURED AS LONG AS WE WERE
UNWRAPPING THE CHEESE,

WE'D LET THE BREAD THAW OUT TOO.

- GET YOUR GRIZZLY BURGERS...

RARE, MEDIUM,
BUT ALWAYS WELL-DONE.

- HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- HUNTING FOR MY DINNER,

AND I ONLY KILL
WHAT I PLAN TO EAT.

- NO ONE TAKES A BURGER
UNTIL I SAY SO.

I'VE GOT A WHOLE SYSTEM HERE.

IT'S ALL TIMED TO PERFECTION.

- I DIDN'T REALIZE THE BURGERS
WERE LANDING AT NORMANDY.

- THAT ONE'S YOURS.
YOU TOUCHED IT.

I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHEN
IT'S READY.

- OKAY, I'LL BE ON THE TROOPSHIP

LEADING THE OTHER BURGERS
IN PRAYER.

- WOW, DARIA.

AREN'T YOU AFRAID
YOU'LL MAKE HIM MAD?

- WHAT DO I CARE?

- WELL, HE IS, LIKE,
THE BOSS OF THE CAMP.

- NO, HE'S NOT.

HE'S THE SELF-PROCLAIMED
DICTATOR

OF A NONEXISTENT EMPIRE.

WHAT'S REALLY INFURIATING IS
HOW THESE ARTIFICIAL SOCIETIES

ARE MADE
FOR THESE PETTY TYRANTS.

- ARTIFICIAL SOCIETIES?

- YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU'RE FORCED
TO COEXIST WITH PEOPLE

YOU'D NEVER SEEK OUT
ON YOUR OWN?

CAMP, SCHOOL...

LIFE.

- YEAH.

- HALF THESE PEOPLE
CAN'T STAND SKIP,

BUT NO ONE WANTS TO BE THE FIRST
TO CHALLENGE HIM

AND RISK ALIENATION.

SO WE FOLLOW THE HERD

AND END UP LEADING LIVES
OF QUIET DESPERATION.

- AT LEAST WE'RE NOT DOING THAT.
RIGHT, DARIA?

DARIA, DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?

AT LEAST WE'RE NOT
FOLLOWING THE CROWD.

- AMELIA, LOOK AT YOURSELF.
- WHAT?

- YOU'VE BEEN FOLLOWING ME
AROUND SINCE I GOT HERE.

- SO?

- SO YOU'RE RIGHT.

I DON'T WANT TO BE
PART OF THE CROWD,

AND I DON'T WANT MY OWN CROWD
EITHER.

WHY DON'T YOU GO FIND
A QUIET CORNER SOMEWHERE

AND PRACTICE
BEING AN INDIVIDUAL?

- GOD, DARIA.

I WAS REALLY LOOKING FORWARD
TO SEEING YOU.

I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS,
BUT YOU DON'T LIKE ANYBODY.

- AMELIA.

- ATTENTION, GRIZZLIES.

YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?

ANTHEM TIME.

EVERYBODY!

♪ WE'LL NEVER FORGET YOU ♪

♪ DEAR OLD CAMP GRIZZLY ♪

[people slowly join in]
♪ YOU'RE WITH US IN SUNSHINE ♪

♪ AND WEATHER MORE DRIZZLY ♪

- NOW, TRENT, HONEY,

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A CHIP

AND YOU TRY TO GUESS
WHAT FLAVOR IT IS.

- HMM.

I DON'T REALLY TASTE ANYTHING.

- YOU HEAR THAT, EARL?

HE DOESN'T TASTE ANYTHING.

- TRY ANOTHER.

- NO, I STILL
DON'T TASTE ANYTHING.

- ALL RIGHT.

- FORGIVE ME FOR ASKING,
BUT WHAT FLAVOR ARE THESE?

BECAUSE I DON'T TASTE ANYTHING
EITHER.

- NO FLAVOR.

SEE, WHAT'S WRONG
WITH POTATO CHIPS TODAY,

THEY FIGHT THE DIP.

THAT'S WHAT THESE HAVE:

NO SALT, NO GREASE, NO TASTE.
NOTHING.

IT'S LIKE HAVING
A PIECE OF PAPER IN YOUR MOUTH.

THEY DON'T FIGHT THE DIP.

- I CAN SEE WHERE YOU TWO
WOULD COME DOWN

ON THE SIDE OF THE DIP.

- WAIT A MINUTE.

WHY MAKE POTATO CHIPS
WITH NO TASTE?

I'M GETTING CONFUSED.

- NOTHING CONFUSING
ABOUT IT, TRENT.

IT'S SIMPLE:
BACKWOODS JUNK FOOD

HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MUSIC.

- HMM.

- HEY, YOU GUYS READY TO TRY
SOME OF OUR HOME-BOTTLED WATER?

- MAYBE I'LL JUST MOVE
TO A REST HOME

AND WAIT FOR YOU TO RETIRE.

MAYBE THEN YOU'LL FIND TIME

TO SPEND HALF AN HOUR
WITH OLD JAKEY!

- PUT THAT DOWN!

IT'S NOT EVEN YOUR SIZE.

- DAMN RIGHT!

AND WHAT PREPAID VACATION
WAS THIS FOR?

- ACTUALLY, JAKE,

IT WAS GOING TO BE A SURPRISE.

I BOOKED A CABIN FOR
LAST VALENTINE'S DAY,

BUT YOU HAD TO GO

TO THAT DOT-COM DOT-COM
CONVENTION INSTEAD.

SO YOU SEE, IT'S NOT ALWAYS MY
SCHEDULE THAT GETS IN THE WAY.

- OH, YEAH?

YOU WERE GOING TO SURPRISE ME?

REALLY?

- YES, I WAS.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I STILL HAVE
SOME ROMANCE LEFT IN ME,

DAMN IT.

- YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL
WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY.

- DO YOU MEAN IT, BIG JAKE?

Click!

[clattering]

- DAMN SKIS!

- SO I SAID, "I DON'T CARE
HOW DANGEROUS IT IS;

"I WILL NOT GO OUT IN A BOAT
WEARING ONE OF THOSE

UNFLATTERING ORANGE-COLORED
THINGS."

[laughter]

- HEY, REMEMBER
THAT STUPID SQUARE DANCE?

- OH, THAT?

ALEX KROGER AND I DITCHED IT
AND WENT DOWN TO THE BEACH.

- QUINN, DID I HEAR YOU SAY
ALEX KROGER?

- YEAH.

TOO BAD HE DIDN'T MAKE
THE REUNION.

- ALEX KROGER?

MY DATE FOR THAT DANCE?

I WAITED FOR HIM ALL NIGHT.

- HEY, GUYS, REMEMBER
THOSE KEY CHAINS WE MADE

IN ARTS AND CRAFTS?

- HERE'S 50¢.

CALL ALEX AND ASK HIM
FOR A RIDE HOME.

- SORRY, QUINN.

- [sighs]

SO MUCH FOR BEING GIRLS
TOGETHER.

- BEFORE I RECOUNT

SOME OF MY FAVORITE
CAMP GRIZZLY MEMORIES,

LET'S GIVE IT UP

FOR THE GREATEST GRIZZLY
OF THEM ALL,

MR. POTTS.

[faint applause]

I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

I ALSO WANT TO THANK
ALL MY TEAMMATES

IN THE COLOR WARS
OVER THE YEARS.

IN SEVEN YEARS
OF BEING A GRIZZLY,

I NEVER LOST A WAR.

- GEE, MAYBE I MISJUDGED HIM.

- GO GRIZZLIES!

GO GRIZZLIES!

- HOLD ON.
I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING.

- HEY, I'M TALKING!

- YOU'RE ALWAYS TALKING.

GIVE SOMEONE ELSE A CHANCE.

SINCE I'VE BEEN COMING
TO THIS CAMP,

I'VE BEEN DOING
WHATEVER SKIP TELLS ME TO,

EVEN WHEN I DIDN'T WANT TO
OR THOUGHT IT WAS STUPID.

- HEY!

- AND I NEVER CHALLENGED HIM
OR SAID ANYTHING

BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO RISK
BEING ALIENATED FROM THE GROUP.

- OH, NO.

- SO I LEARNED TO KEEP QUIET,

TO JUST FOLLOW THE HERD,

TO LEAD A LIFE
OF QUIET DESPERATION.

- THAT'S ENOUGH!

- SHUT UP!
- LET HER FINISH!

- BUT I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT
ANYMORE.

BECAUSE RETURNING
TO CAMP GRIZZLY

MEANT RENEWING MY ACQUAINTANCE
WITH SOMEONE SPECIAL,

A ROLE MODEL, AN INSPIRATION.

- PLEASE DON'T SAY MY NAME.

- DARIA MORGENDORFFER.

YOU KNOW, THE WEIRD KID?

- OH, THAT GIRL?

- SURE, SHE'S UNPLEASANT.

SURE, SHE'S ANTISOCIAL.

SURE, SHE SAYS
WHATEVER'S ON HER MIND

WITHOUT ANY REGARD
FOR OTHERS' FEELINGS.

BUT AT LEAST SHE THINKS
FOR HERSELF

AND MARCHES TO HER OWN DRUMMER.

SO FROM NOW ON, I'M GOING
TO START THINKING FOR MYSELF,

JUST LIKE DARIA,

AND I DON'T CARE
IF I END UP LIKE HER,

WITH NO FRIENDS.

I NEVER WANT TO SEE
THIS STUPID CAMPGROUND AGAIN.

[cheers]

- YOU CAN'T JUST GET UP HERE
AND RAG ON CAMP GRIZZLY.

IF YOU'RE NOT PART OF THE TEAM,

GO HANG OUT
WITH YOUR LOSER, WEIRDO FRIEND.

- I DON'T WANT TO BE
PART OF YOUR TEAM, SKIP.

AND I DON'T THINK ANYONE HERE
REALLY DOES.

SO HERE'S YOUR GRIZZLY T-SHIRT
BACK!

[angry shouts]

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

MR. POTTS, MAKE THEM STOP!

THEY'RE DEFILING
THE GRIZZLY NAME.

- SKIP, YOU TAKE ALL THIS
WAY TOO SERIOUSLY.

THIS IS A CAMP,

A PLACE PARENTS SEND THEIR KIDS
TO GET THEM OUT OF THEIR HAIR

FOR A FEW WEEKS.

DON'T MAKE IT YOUR WHOLE LIFE.

- I WANT TO GO HOME!

- I'M REALLY GLAD YOU LIKED
MY SPEECH, DARIA.

UM, I HOPE I DIDN'T
HURT YOUR FEELINGS.

- HEY, IT TAKES MORE
THAN JUST WORDS TO HURT ME,

UNLESS THEY HAPPEN TO BE
PARTICULARLY TRUTHFUL WORDS

STRUNG TOGETHER IN EXCEPTIONALLY
OBSERVANT SENTENCES.

- AMELIA, THANKS
FOR TELLING OFF THAT JERK.

AND, DARIA,
I GUESS I NEVER KNEW

YOU COULD BE
SUCH AN INSPIRATION.

SEE YOU AROUND.

- SEE, WHAT'D I TELL YOU?

ALL THESE YEARS DARIA
WAS THE CAMP DARLING,

AND SHE KEPT IT FROM US.

- NO, I DIDN'T...

- WOW, DARIA'S SECRETLY POPULAR.

THAT'S GOING TO TAKE
SOME GETTING USED TO.

- I WASN'T POPULAR, I TELL YOU.

- WHEN WE GET BACK, CAN I TRY ON
YOUR "MISS CAMP GRIZZLY" SASH?

- UGH.

- TOLD YOU THAT WOULD GET HER.

- YEAH, AT LEAST THE TRIP
WASN'T A TOTAL LOSS.

- AND THAT'S HOW
A SIMPLE COMMENT

ABOUT A $2 COOKIE

TURNED INTO
"LITTLE HELL ON THE PRAIRIE."

- WOW.

TRENT, I HOPE YOU WEREN'T
TOO BUMMED BY THAT WHOLE THING.

I MEAN, JUST BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT
THOSE PEOPLE HAD SOME INSIGHT

AND THEY TURNED OUT
TO BE IDIOTS,

THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD
GIVE UP ON THE BAND.

- TRENT?

- ♪ YOUR COOKIES ARE LAME ♪

♪ YOUR CHIPS ARE THE SAME ♪

♪ YOU GET NO RESPECT,
'CAUSE... ♪

- YOU'RE MISSING THE TRAIN?

- MY SOUL'S WAVES OF GRAIN?

- ♪ YOU'RE NOT WHAT YOU CLAIM ♪

♪ POSEUR EXPOSED ♪

♪ HOSER DE-HOSED ♪

♪ I SHOULD STEP ON YOUR TOES ♪

♪ YOU'RE DEPOSED ♪

- SOMETHING TELLS ME
THE SPIRAL LIVES.

- OH, YEAH.

THE FIRE IS BACK.

- YOU WANT A TUMS?

- YOU KNOW, I KEEP THINKING
WE FORGOT SOMETHING.

EH, MUST NOT BE IMPORTANT.

- OH, QUINN GOT A RIDE
WITH A FRIEND.

- AND WHERE DOES SHE GET OFF
ATTACKING CAMP GRIZZLY,

WHEN SHE'S BEEN
THE WORST CAMPER EVER

AND DOESN'T EVEN TRY TO SING

AND NEVER EVEN WON ANYTHING?

YOU KNOW, CAMP BUILDS CHARACTER,

AND IF YOUR NOT TOUGH ENOUGH...

- COULD YOU JUST BE QUIET
FOR A WHILE?

- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪

[grungy rock music]

♪ ♪

♪ LA, LA, LA ♪

♪ LA, LA, LA ♪

♪ LA, LA, LA ♪