Daria (1997–2001): Season 2, Episode 1 - Arts 'n' Crass - full transcript
Daria and Jane create an iconoclastic poster for a contest, only to find that the school demands it be altered against their wishes.
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
[Jake sobbing]
- WHAT HAVE I DONE?
OH, GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE?
- IT'S ALL RIGHT, JAKE.
WE'LL GET THROUGH THIS
AS A FAMILY.
- YEAH, DON'T WORRY, DADDY.
WE'RE HERE FOR YOU
NO MATTER WHAT.
[gasps]
I'M GONNA MISS
THE COMING ATTRACTIONS.
- OH, GOD.
- WHAT'S WRONG?
- YOUR FATHER HAD A LITTLE
BUSINESS SETBACK, DEAR.
HE LOST A CLIENT.
- "I GOT A GREAT IDEA,"
HE SAID.
"MILLION-DOLLAR IDEA.
"CIGARS FOR PETS.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?"
HE SAID.
"WANT YOU TO BE HONEST,"
HE SAID.
WHAT THE HELL MADE ME
BELIEVE HIM?
- JAKE, EVERYONE SLIPS UP
NOW AND THEN.
- HE FIRED YOU
FOR BEING HONEST?
- IT WAS ENTRAPMENT.
- SO IT'S OFF TO THE SNEAKER
SWEATSHOP FOR ME AND QUINN?
- DON'T BE RIDICULOUS, YOU TWO.
DARIA, YOU KNOW I'VE GOT
MORE WORK THAN I CAN HANDLE.
AND YOU'LL GET BUSY AGAIN,
JAKIE.
JUST BE PATIENT.
- WHAT'LL I DO IN THE MEANTIME?
- YOU'RE ALWAYS SAYING YOU
WANT TO WORK ON YOUR COOKING.
- IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOME WAY
TO OCCUPY YOURSELF,
THERE ARE PLENTY OF CHORES
THAT NEED DOING AROUND HERE.
WHAT?
YOU GET TO SAY IT.
- GOOD.
BRITTANY,
DID YOU SPILL YOUR PAINT?
- UM, NO.
- IS THIS A GOOD TIME,
MISS DEFOE?
- YES, COME ON IN.
CLASS, MISS LI
AND MR. O'NEILL
HAVE SOME INTRIGUING NEWS.
- LAWNDALE HIGH
IS PARTICIPATING
IN A STATEWIDE
STUDENT ART CONTEST.
- THAT'S WHY
WE'VE CHOSEN ART CLASS
AS THE PLACE TO ANNOUNCE IT.
- THE THEME OF THE CONTEST
IS STUDENT LIFE AT THE DAWN
OF THE MILLENNIUM.
- WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE
A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT
IN TODAY'S FAST CHANGING WORLD?
- ENTRY IS STRICTLY VOLUNTARY,
OF COURSE.
ALTHOUGH, FRANKLY, I DON'T SEE
HOW ANY OF YOU COULD THINK
OF PASSING UP THE CHANCE
TO BRING HONOR
UNTO YOURSELF
AND UNTO LAWNDALE HIGH.
- UNTO?
- BUCKLE MY SHOE.
- MISS DEFOE
WILL CHOOSE THE ENTRIES
FROM EACH ART CLASS,
AND I'M CONTEST COORDINATOR
FOR THE SCHOOL.
GOOD LUCK, KIDS.
- STUDENTS, I URGE YOU
TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY.
CURIOSITY, INQUIRY, EXPRESSION:
THESE ARE THE BUILDING BLOCKS
OF EDUCATION.
- MA'AM?
- NO QUESTIONS.
GOOD LUCK, ALL.
- I WANTED TO TELL HER I'VE GOT
A GREAT IDEA FOR A POSTER.
- ME TOO.
MINE'S GONNA BE
ABOUT CHEERLEADING.
- OH, NO.
NOW WHAT'LL I DO?
- HOW ABOUT SOMETHING
ON QUARTERBACKS, BABE?
HEY.
- JANE, COULD YOU STAY
A MINUTE?
JANE, I'M EAGER TO SEE WHAT
ALL THE STUDENTS COME UP WITH
FOR THIS CONTEST.
- ALL THE STUDENTS
WHO CHOOSE TO PARTICIPATE.
- BUT I REALLY CAN'T WAIT
TO SEE YOUR ENTRY.
- WELL, YOU KNOW, I DON'T
REALLY THINK ARTISTS
SHOULD COMPETE WITH EACH OTHER.
SEE, I BELIEVE
IN A COMMUNITY OF CREATIVITY.
- YOU'RE SUCH
AN ACCOMPLISHED ARTIST
AND SUCH AN ORIGINAL THINKER.
IF THERE'S ANYONE
IN THIS SCHOOL
WHO CAN CAPTURE
STUDENT LIFE TODAY, IT'S YOU.
I JUST WANT TO SAY GOOD LUCK.
- THANKS.
DAMN IT.
WHY DID SHE HAVE TO BE SO NICE?
NOW I HAVE TO COME UP
WITH SOME STUPID POSTER
ABOUT STUDENT LIFE.
- WHERE TO START?
THERE'S SO MUCH
TO HATE ABOUT IT.
- YOU KNOW, NOBODY SAID
THE MESSAGE HAD TO BE POSITIVE.
I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING THAT
REALLY REPRESENTS STUDENT LIFE.
- YES.
- THAT TELLS THE TRUTH
ABOUT HOW MUCH IT CAN SUCK.
- YES.
- THAT BLOWS AWAY
THE STORYBOOK FANTASY
ABOUT HOW GREAT IT IS
TO BE YOUNG.
- YES.
- AND YOU'RE GONNA HELP.
- NO.
- NEONATAL SKINHEADS NEXT
ON SICK, SAD WORLD.
- YOU GOT TO HELP ME.
YOU'RE THE MOST NEGATIVE PERSON
I KNOW.
- THANKS.
- COME ON.
NOW'S YOUR CHANCE
TO TELL THE WORLD
WHAT YOU REALLY THINK
OF LIFE AT LAWNDALE HIGH.
- TELL THE WORLD THAT I,
DARIA MORGENDORFFER,
HAVE SOMETHING I WANT TO SAY.
- YES.
- NO.
- COME ON.
- ALL RIGHT, I'LL MAKE
MY PERSONAL STATEMENT,
AND I'LL
STAND BEHIND IT.
- I KNEW YOU WOULD.
- BUT ONLY ON THE CONDITION
OF STRICT ANONYMITY.
- YOU'RE A REAL JOAN OF ARC,
YOU KNOW THAT?
- YEAH, AND I THINK
I JUST ORDERED A STAKE.
- HOW ABOUT WE CALL IT
AMERICA'S FUTURE LEADERS
AND WE JUST ENLARGE
A PICTURE OF KEVIN AND BRITTANY?
- COME ON,
THAT'S TOO DEPRESSING.
HOW ABOUT WE CALL IT
BEAUTY IS ONLY SKIN DEEP
AND WE ATTACH
THE SKIN OF AN ACTUAL STUDENT?
- OH, I LIKE THAT.
I WONDER IF I COULD TALK QUINN
INTO DONATING HERS.
- I'M STARTING TO THINK THIS IS
GONNA REQUIRE MORE PIZZA.
- I'M STARTING
TO AGREE WITH YOU.
- WHERE WERE WE?
- WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HANGING
A ROLL OF FLYPAPER
AND CALLING IT IT'S IMPORTANT
TO BE ATTRACTIVE.
- OH, YEAH.
WITH OR WITHOUT FLIES?
- DID THEY ADD ANOTHER QUART
OF GREASE TO THE PIZZA RECIPE?
- ONE MORE SLICE?
- NO, I ALREADY FEEL LIKE
I MIGHT THROW UP.
HEY.
[bell rings]
- WELL, IT'S VERY GRATIFYING
TO SEE SO MUCH PARTICIPATION
IN THE CONTEST.
CHARLES, WHAT'S THE NAME
OF YOUR POSTER?
- I CALL IT
RIDE, CHUCKIE, RIDE.
- AND WHAT EXACTLY DOES IT SAY
ABOUT STUDENT LIFE
AT THE CENTURY'S EDGE?
- IT'S MORE OF
A PERSONAL MISSION STATEMENT.
- MISSION IMPOSSIBLE, HE MEANS.
- TELL US ABOUT YOUR POSTER,
BRITTANY.
- I CALL IT
DON'T DRINK OR TAKE DRUGS,
AND THE MESSAGE IS,
DON'T DRINK OR TAKE DRUGS.
- BUT HOW DO WE
GET THAT MESSAGE?
ALL I SEE ARE
THE ALCOHOL AND THE DRUGS
WITH NO NEGATIVE IMAGERY
TO SYMBOLIZE THEIR DANGERS.
- THERE.
- WELL, BRITTANY, THAT'S UM...
LET'S TALK AFTER CLASS.
AND JANE, WHAT DID YOU DECIDE?
OH, SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.
"SHE KNOWS SHE'S A WINNER.
"SHE COULDN'T BE THINNER.
"NOW SHE GOES IN THE BATHROOM
AND VOMITS UP DINNER"?
OH, JANE.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S FUNNY.
- UM, YOU DON'T?
- DO YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY
TO MAKE FUN OF SOMEONE
WITH AN EATING DISORDER?
- NO, BUT...
- IT'S NOT MEANT TO BE FUNNY.
- IT'S NOT MEANT TO BE FUNNY.
- WELL, THEN,
DO YOU THINK IT'S YOUR PLACE
TO PASS JUDGMENT
ON SOMEONE WITH A LOW SELF-IMAGE
JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T
HAVE THAT PROBLEM YOURSELF?
- BUT THAT'S NOT
WHAT I'M SAYING AT ALL.
- THEN WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
- I'M SAYING
THAT PEOPLE SHOULDN'T, UH...
- SHE'S SAYING THAT ALL
THE EMPHASIS ON APPEARANCE TODAY
CAN BE DANGEROUS.
THE GIRL IS VERY PRETTY,
AND YOUR FIRST REACTION IS,
"OH, WHAT A HAPPY TEENAGER."
BUT MAYBE THAT'S NOT
THE WHOLE STORY.
MAYBE THAT PRETTINESS
COMES AT A PRICE.
- OH, IS THAT
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, JANE?
- PRETTY MUCH.
- AND YOU FELT YOU HAD TO SAY IT
IN SUCH GRAPHIC,
UNAPPEALING LANGUAGE?
- THE CHOICE OF WORDS
WAS DELIBERATE
TO CONTRAST
WITH THE BEAUTY OF THE IMAGE
AND SHOCK THE VIEWER
INTO PAYING ATTENTION.
- YOU KNOW WHAT, JANE?
THIS REALLY IS A WORK OF ART,
AND IT REALLY DOES MAKE
A STATEMENT IN AN ORIGINAL WAY.
I'D LIKE YOU TO LET ME ENTER IT
IN THE STATEWIDE COMPETITION.
- SOUNDS OKAY.
- AND HOW DOES IT SOUND
TO YOUR COLLABORATOR?
- NEXT TIME, I GIVE YOU
A PREPARED STATEMENT.
- DARIA, JANE,
THIS POSTER IS BEAUTIFUL.
- TRULY ACCOMPLISHED.
A REAL CREDIT TO YOURSELVES
AND TO LAWNDALE HIGH.
- AND THE POEM,
A VERY INTERESTING PERSPECTIVE.
EXCEPT...
- YES?
- THERE'S THIS ONE LINE.
EWW.
- YES?
- I'M JUST WONDERING
IF YOU'D CONSIDER
CHANGING THE PART
ABOUT VOMITING UP DINNER.
IT'S JUST KIND OF YUCKY.
- IT PRESENTS A DISTASTEFUL
PICTURE TO THE STUDENT BODY.
YOU KNOW WE WOULDN'T WANT
PEOPLE DOING THAT.
- THAT'S THE POINT.
- SO WE'RE ALL ON THE SAME PAGE.
- THE GIRL IS SO OBSESSED
WITH BEING BEAUTIFUL
THAT IT TURNS HER
INTO SOMETHING REALLY UGLY.
THAT'S THE MESSAGE
OF THE POSTER.
SO IT TAKES ME A WHILE.
- BUT SHE LOOKS
SO PRETTY AND HAPPY.
WHY NOT MAKE THE THEME POSITIVE?
INSTEAD OF
"SHE VOMITS UP DINNER,"
HOW ABOUT "SHE BARELY
TOUCHES DINNER"?
- YOU MEAN BEING THAT
GORGEOUS IS SO TIRING
THAT SHE'S
TOO EXHAUSTED TO EAT?
- EXACTLY.
SEE, EVEN BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE
HAVE PROBLEMS,
SO HANG IN THERE, KIDS.
- BOY, YOU REALLY
DON'T GET IT AT ALL, DO YOU?
- LOOK, I DIDN'T EVEN WANT
TO WRITE THE STUPID POEM.
I DON'T REALLY CARE
WHAT PEOPLE DO TO THEMSELVES.
BUT IF YOU CHANGE THAT LINE,
THE POEM BECOMES JUST ANOTHER
PHONY, DISHONEST MESSAGE.
IT'LL APPLAUD THE SAME THING
IT CRITICIZED BEFORE.
DON'T YOU SEE THAT?
- MISS MORGENDORFFER,
IS IT SO WRONG
FOR YOUNG PEOPLE TO TAKE PRIDE
IN THE WAY THEY LOOK?
- DO WHATEVER YOU WANT
TO THE POSTER.
JUST TAKE MY NAME OFF IT.
- AND MINE.
- NOW, NOW, LADIES,
EMOTIONS ARE RUNNING HIGH.
LET'S ALL TAKE 24 HOURS
TO THINK ABOUT IT, HMM?
- FINE.
- IT'S YOUR DECISION TO MAKE.
CALL THEIR PARENTS.
- "JANE LANE.
MRS. AMANDA LANE."
HELLO, MRS. LANE.
[electronic beeps]
[telephone ringing]
- ♪ NO NO ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T GET IN ♪
♪ NO, NO, NO ♪
♪ NO, YOU CAN'T GET IN ♪
[hard rock music]
[telephone ringing]
- UM, OKAY.
"HELEN MORGENDORFFER."
HELLO, MRS. MORGENDORFFER.
[electronic beeps]
[telephone ringing]
- I'VE GOT ABSOLUTELY
NO PAPERWORK FOR MY 3:00,
I CAN'T FIND THE BRIEF I WAS
SUPPOSED TO GET THIS A.M.,
AND MY STATIONERY STILL
HAS THE WRONG EMAIL ADDRESS.
WHY THE HELL CAN'T ANYTHING
EVER GO RIGHT AROUND HERE?
- HELEN,
IT'S YOUR DAUGHTER'S TEACHER.
- TELL THEM I'LL MAKE SURE
QUINN TURNS IN THE ASSIGNMENT
BY MONDAY.
OH, AND TRY TO FIND OUT
WHAT THE ASSIGNMENT IS, OKAY?
AND MAYBE YOU COULD GET STARTED
MAKING A FEW NOTES ON IT.
- IT'S YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER,
I THINK.
- DARIA?
WELL, THEN, TELL THEM I'LL
TALK TO HER ABOUT HER ATTITUDE.
AND TRY TO FIND OUT WHO SHE
INSULTED AND WHAT SHE SAID, HMM?
- GET SOME INFORMATION.
HE SAYS SHE HAS
A RARE OPPORTUNITY
THAT HE'D HATE
TO SEE HER SQUANDER.
- OH, JUST GIVE IT TO ME.
HELEN MORGENDORFFER.
- HELLO, MRS. MOGGENFOFFER...
OH, UM, MORGENDORFFER.
THIS IS TIMOTHY O'NEILL
AT LAWNDALE HIGH.
I'M YOUR DAUGHTER DARIA'S
ENGLISH TEACHER.
- YES, IS THIS ABOUT HER ESSAY
ON BANNING CAPITAL PUNISHMENT
AND BRINGING BACK TORTURE
INSTEAD?
BECAUSE IT WAS OBVIOUSLY A JOKE.
- UM, NO, NO,
MRS. MORGENDORFFER.
IT'S ABOUT A POSTER
SHE HELPED CREATE.
SEE, WE'RE HAVING THIS CONTEST
CONCERNING STUDENT LIFE
AT THE DAWN OF THE MILLENNIUM.
- COULD YOU POSSIBLY
SPEED THIS UP A LITTLE?
I'M LATE
FOR TWO CONFERENCE CALLS.
- UM, SHE WROTE
A VERY UNPLEASANT POEM
TO GO WITH A VERY NICE PICTURE,
AND I WAS HOPING
YOU'D TALK TO HER
ABOUT MAYBE RECONSIDERING
AND REWRITING IT.
- FINE, I'LL BE HAPPY TO.
IF THIS REQUIRES
FURTHER DISCUSSION,
PLEASE FEEL FREE
TO CALL MY HUSBAND.
- AH!
"JAKE, JAKE MORGENDORFFER."
HELLO, MR. MORGENDORFFER.
[electronic beeps]
[telephone rings]
- HELLO, JAKE MORGENDORFFER.
JAKE MORGENDORFFER HERE.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
ANYBODY THERE?
- AH!
- HELLO?
YOU'VE REACHED THE OFFICES
OF JAKE MORGENDORFFER
CONSULTING.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO YOU NEED
TO BE CONSULTED?
- MORE PENNE A LA PESTO,
ANYONE?
- ALL RIGHT, YOUR FRIEND JANE
ASKED YOU TO HELP HER
MAKE A POSTER.
- IF I EVER FIND OUT WHO THE
SADIST WAS WHO CALLED ME TODAY...
- YOU CAME UP WITH THE IDEA
OF A PRETTY GIRL
WITH AN EATING DISORDER.
- YEP.
- DARIA, THAT IS SO... SO YOU.
- IS THAT A COMPLIMENT
OR AN INSULT?
- YOU KNOW,
YOU REFRIGERATE THIS STUFF,
THE PESTO STARTS
TO GET A LITTLE FUNKY.
IT OXIDIZES OR SOMETHING.
IT'S BEST TO EAT
IN THE DAY IT'S MADE.
NOW, WHO'D LIKE A LITTLE MORE?
- JAKE, WILL YOU PUT DOWN
THE DAMN MACARONI
AND ASK YOUR DAUGHTER
WHY SHE HAS TO BE SO CYNICAL
ALL THE TIME?
- IT'S NOT MACARONI, HELEN.
- SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE MAKING
A POSTER ABOUT STUDENT LIFE,
AND SHE COMES UP
WITH THE MOST NEGATIVE MESSAGE
SHE CAN THINK OF.
- IT'S NOT NEGATIVE.
IT'S SUPPORTIVE OF STUDENTS
WHO DON'T WANT TO BE JUDGED
BY THEIR LOOKS.
- OH, COME ON, DARIA,
PEOPLE LIKE THAT DON'T EXIST.
- JAKE, ASK HER WHY SHE CAN'T
BE UPBEAT ONCE IN A WHILE.
- YOU SEE, HELEN,
IF THIS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE
MACARONI AND CHEESE,
IT WOULD BE VERY BAD.
BUT IT'S PENNE A LA PESTO,
AND JUDGED BY THE STANDARDS
OF PENNE A LA PESTO,
IT'S VERY GOOD.
- JAKE, WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
ARE YOU LISTENING?
- OF COURSE, SURE.
WHAT I MEAN IS, WELL,
IF THIS POSTER
IS SUPPOSED TO BE PROPAGANDA
PROMOTING STUDENT LIFE,
IT'S VERY BAD.
BUT IF IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ART
EXPRESSING DARIA'S PERSONAL
VISION OF STUDENT LIFE,
IT'S VERY GOOD, SEE?
- THANKS, DAD.
- UGH!
- IT'S OXIDIZING.
- SO THEN, SPLAT.
DINNER ENDS UP ON TOP
OF MY DAD'S HEAD.
- WOW, EXCELLENT.
YOUR YOUTHFUL INTEGRITY IS
TEARING YOUR FAMILY ASUNDER.
- WELL, NOT EXACTLY.
MY MOTHER CAME BACK IN,
MUMBLED SOMETHING ABOUT PMS,
AND APOLOGIZED.
BUT AT LEAST WE DON'T HAVE TO
EAT LEFTOVER MACARONI TONIGHT.
- WE'RE STILL RESIGNING
FROM THE POSTER CONTEST, RIGHT?
DARIA?
- I TOLD THEM
I'D AT LEAST LISTEN
TO MR. O'NEILL'S POINT OF VIEW,
BUT I DIDN'T MAKE ANY PROMISES...
I MEAN, OTHER THAN THAT ONE.
- SO YOU SEE, GIRLS,
I DON'T WANT
TO CHANGE THE INTENT
OF YOUR POSTER.
I JUST WANT TO MAKE IT
MORE PALATABLE.
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY:
A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR
HELPS THE MEDICINE GO DOWN.
- NOT IF YOU'RE DIABETIC.
- EXCUSE ME, MR. O'NEILL?
- UM, YES?
- I WANT TO ENTER
MY NEW POSTER IN THE CONTEST.
- UM, THAT'S REALLY NICE.
WHAT AN AFFIRMATIVE MESSAGE.
TOGETHERNESS?
- UM, THE MESSAGE IS,
"DON'T JOIN A GANG."
- OH.
- THAT'S ALSO THE TITLE.
- UM, BRITTANY, I SEE THE GANG,
BUT I DON'T SEE ANYTHING
REPRESENTING "DON'T."
- OH, YEAH.
WHERE'S MY LIPSTICK?
- AND THAT'S HOW GOOD ART
BECOMES GREAT ART.
- ANYWAY, I HAD AN IDEA.
HOW ABOUT IF YOU LET ME WORK
ON THE POEM A BIT?
MAYBE I CAN COME UP WITH
SOMETHING A LITTLE LESS ABRASIVE
THAT GETS YOUR POINT ACROSS.
- AND IF WE DON'T LIKE
WHAT YOU DO?
- THEN WE'LL FORGET ABOUT IT
AND LEAVE THE POSTER
THE WAY YOU MADE IT.
YOU CAN'T LOSE.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
- OKAY.
BUT QUOTE MARY POPPINS AGAIN,
AND THE DEAL'S OFF.
- MISS LANE,
MISS MORGENDORFFER,
I BELIEVE YOU'RE
GOING TO BE PLEASED
WITH WHAT MR. O'NEILL
HAS TO SHOW YOU.
- DARIA, JANE, I REALLY THINK
I'VE DONE IT.
I'VE CAPTURED
THE ESSENCE OF YOUR MESSAGE
WHILE SOFTENING
THE "ROUGH EDGES."
- YOU STONEWASHED IT?
"SHE KNOWS SHE'S A WINNER.
"SHE COULDN'T BE THINNER,
"'CAUSE SHE'S CAREFUL
WHAT SHE EATS
"FOR BREAKFAST, LUNCH,
AND DINNER.
GOOD NUTRITION RULES"?
IS THIS A JOKE?
- SMART EATING HABITS
ARE NO JOKE, DARIA.
- WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO
WITH OUR POSTER?
- IT TURNS A NEGATIVE MESSAGE
INTO A POSITIVE ONE.
SHE'S NOT PRETTY BECAUSE
SHE STARVED HERSELF INTO IT.
SHE'S PRETTY BECAUSE
SHE TAKES CARE OF HERSELF.
IT'S EVEN MORE POWERFUL THAN
BEFORE, BECAUSE IT'S UPBEAT.
- I SEE.
SHE'S NOT GONNA THROW UP
ANYMORE, BUT I MIGHT.
- DON'T DO THAT.
IT'S DOWNBEAT.
- YOU YOUNG WOMEN SHOULD BE
THANKING MR. O'NEILL
FOR HIS HARD WORK PRESERVING
YOUR MESSAGE.
- HE DIDN'T PRESERVE IT.
HE PERVERTED IT.
- HE REMOVED
ALL THE SUBSTANCE AND IMPACT
AND TURNED IT
INTO MEANINGLESS DRIVEL.
- SO WE'D LIKE OUR POSTER BACK
NOW, PLEASE.
- MEANING WHAT?
- MEANING WE'RE WITHDRAWING IT
FROM THE CONTEST
ACCORDING TO OUR AGREEMENT.
- EXCUSE ME, GIRLS,
I DIDN'T MAKE ANY AGREEMENT.
- MR. O'NEILL DID.
- MR. O'NEILL IS IN NO POSITION
TO OFFER SUCH A DEAL.
THE POSTER WILL BE DISPLAYED
DURING THE SCHOOL BOARD MEETING
TOMORROW NIGHT.
THEN IT WILL BE ENTERED
IN THE CONTEST,
WHERE IT WILL BRING HONOR
AND ACCLAIM TO YOU TWO AND TO...
- BUT, MISS LI, I DID PROMISE.
- I DIDN'T.
- CAN SHE DO THAT?
- NO, THIS IS ALL
A TERRIBLE DREAM
BROUGHT ON BY TOO MUCH
PENNE A LA PESTO.
- BUT DON'T WE HAVE
ANY RECOURSE OR ANYTHING?
CAN'T WE TALK TO MR. O'NEILL?
- WE COULD APPEAL TO HIM,
AND HE MIGHT TURN THE FULL FORCE
OF HIS OVERWHELMING PERSONALITY
ON MISS LI,
AND THEN SHE'D EAT HIM.
- HOW ABOUT YOUR MOTHER?
- HOW ABOUT YOURS?
- MY MOTHER'S
A LITTLE PREOCCUPIED RIGHT NOW.
SHE'S TRACKING DOWN THE SOURCE
OF THE DISTURBING
HEAT VARIATIONS IN HER KILN.
BUT YOUR MOTHER IS A LAWYER.
- A LAWYER WHO THINKS
IT'S A REALLY GOOD IDEA
FOR ME TO GET INVOLVED
IN THE POSTER CONTEST.
THE SYSTEM'S FAILED US.
- THE SYSTEM SUCKS.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE
TO GO OUTSIDE THE SYSTEM.
- YOU DON'T MEAN...
- YES.
- YOU DID THE RIGHT THING
COMING TO ME.
- SORRY WE WOKE YOU UP.
- DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
IT WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN
SOONER OR LATER.
ALL RIGHT, HERE'S THE PLAN.
I'LL SIT RIGHT HERE WITH MY FOOT
ON THE ACCELERATOR,
READY TO BURN RUBBER.
- TRENT, PULL OVER THERE
AND MAKE SURE
YOU TURN OFF THE CAR
IN CASE YOU FALL ASLEEP,
OKAY?
- ALTERNATE PLAN.
COOL.
- ALL CLEAR?
- JUST ABOUT.
- WAIT.
- WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
- OBSERVING.
- INNOCENTLY.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT MISS LI
DID TO YOUR POSTER.
WAIT A MINUTE,
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS PLANNING?
- GET LOST, LANDON.
- FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
- YOU GOT A BRIGHT FUTURE, KID.
- YOU DON'T WANT TO BE HERE
WHEN WHAT'S GONNA GO DOWN
GOES DOWN.
- LET'S DO IT.
[tires squealing]
- WHAT THE HELL?
- OH, NO.
- DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU WERE
GOING TO GET AWAY WITH THIS?
- WELL, IT WOULD BE STUPID
TO SAY "YES" NOW.
- THIS IS NO JOKE.
VANDALIZING SCHOOL PROPERTY
IS A PUNISHABLE OFFENSE,
AND THE FIRST THING
WE'RE GOING TO DO
IS CALL YOUR PARENTS.
[steady hip-hop beat]
[telephone ringing]
[upbeat rock music]
[telephone ringing]
- OH, BOTHER.
[electronic beeps]
- WHO'S BUTT DO I HAVE
TO KISS AROUND HERE
TO GET MY INTEROFFICE MAIL
BEFORE NIGHTFALL?
- HELEN, IT'S YOUR DAUGHTER'S
SCHOOL, THE PRINCIPAL.
- THE PRINCIPAL?
HELLO?
- HELLO, MRS. MORGENDORFFER.
THIS IS ANGELA LI,
PRINCIPAL OF LAWNDALE HIGH.
- YES, MISS LI.
HOW MAY I HELP YOU?
- MRS. MORGENDORFFER,
I'M AFRAID I HAVE
SOME RATHER BAD NEWS.
YOUR DAUGHTER DARIA APPEARS
TO HAVE BEEN INVOLVED
IN AN ACT OF VANDALISM.
- WHAT?
- MRS. MORGENDORFFER,
YOUR DAUGHTER COLLABORATED
WITH JANE LANE
IN THE CREATION OF A POSTER
FOR OUR ART CONTEST.
- YES, I'M AWARE OF THAT.
- WE FOUND PART
OF THE POSTER UNACCEPTABLE,
SO IT WAS ALTERED PRIOR
TO ITS ENTRY.
UNFORTUNATELY,
SOMEONE DEFACED THE POSTER
WHILE IT WAS ON DISPLAY,
AND SINCE YOUR DAUGHTER
AND MISS LANE
HAD OBJECTED TO CHANGING IT,
I MUST ASSUME
THEY WERE THE VANDALS.
I AM AFRAID I AM GOING TO HAVE
TO TAKE DRASTIC ACTION.
- WAIT A MOMENT.
YOU'RE SAYING THE GIRLS WERE
AGAINST CHANGING THE POSTER
BUT ENTERED IT
IN THE CONTEST ANYWAY?
- IT WAS ENTERED FOR THEM.
- I'M UNDER THE IMPRESSION
THAT PARTICIPATION
IN THIS CONTEST WAS VOLUNTARY.
- IT WAS, BUT YOUR DAUGHTER
REFUSED TO VOLUNTEER,
SO IN HER CASE,
I MADE IT MANDATORY.
- ALL RIGHT, MISS LI, LET ME
MAKE SURE I HAVE THIS STRAIGHT.
YOU TOOK MY DAUGHTER'S POSTER
FROM HER,
ALTERED ITS CONTENT,
EXHIBITED IT AGAINST HER WILL,
AND ARE NOW THREATENING
DISCIPLINE
BECAUSE YOU CLAIM SHE
DEFACED HER OWN PROPERTY,
WHICH YOU ADMIT TO STEALING?
- THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID AT ALL.
- MISS LI, ARE YOU FAMILIAR
WITH THE PHRASE
"VIOLATION OF CIVIL LIBERTIES"?
- I...
- AND THE PHRASE
"BIG, FAT LAWSUIT"?
- SO THE ONLY WAY FOR US
TO SAVE OUR WORK
WAS TO DESTROY IT.
- CATCHY PHRASE.
- AND WE GOT AWAY WITH IT.
YOU SHOULD TURN THIS
INTO A SHORT STORY.
- THAT'S NOT A BAD IDEA,
AND I THINK I ALREADY
HAVE A TITLE FOR IT.
- YEAH?
- I'M GONNA CALL IT
STUDENT LIFE AT THE DAWN
OF A NEW MILLENNIUM.
- I WON!
I WON THE ART CONTEST!
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
[rock music]
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
[Jake sobbing]
- WHAT HAVE I DONE?
OH, GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE?
- IT'S ALL RIGHT, JAKE.
WE'LL GET THROUGH THIS
AS A FAMILY.
- YEAH, DON'T WORRY, DADDY.
WE'RE HERE FOR YOU
NO MATTER WHAT.
[gasps]
I'M GONNA MISS
THE COMING ATTRACTIONS.
- OH, GOD.
- WHAT'S WRONG?
- YOUR FATHER HAD A LITTLE
BUSINESS SETBACK, DEAR.
HE LOST A CLIENT.
- "I GOT A GREAT IDEA,"
HE SAID.
"MILLION-DOLLAR IDEA.
"CIGARS FOR PETS.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?"
HE SAID.
"WANT YOU TO BE HONEST,"
HE SAID.
WHAT THE HELL MADE ME
BELIEVE HIM?
- JAKE, EVERYONE SLIPS UP
NOW AND THEN.
- HE FIRED YOU
FOR BEING HONEST?
- IT WAS ENTRAPMENT.
- SO IT'S OFF TO THE SNEAKER
SWEATSHOP FOR ME AND QUINN?
- DON'T BE RIDICULOUS, YOU TWO.
DARIA, YOU KNOW I'VE GOT
MORE WORK THAN I CAN HANDLE.
AND YOU'LL GET BUSY AGAIN,
JAKIE.
JUST BE PATIENT.
- WHAT'LL I DO IN THE MEANTIME?
- YOU'RE ALWAYS SAYING YOU
WANT TO WORK ON YOUR COOKING.
- IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOME WAY
TO OCCUPY YOURSELF,
THERE ARE PLENTY OF CHORES
THAT NEED DOING AROUND HERE.
WHAT?
YOU GET TO SAY IT.
- GOOD.
BRITTANY,
DID YOU SPILL YOUR PAINT?
- UM, NO.
- IS THIS A GOOD TIME,
MISS DEFOE?
- YES, COME ON IN.
CLASS, MISS LI
AND MR. O'NEILL
HAVE SOME INTRIGUING NEWS.
- LAWNDALE HIGH
IS PARTICIPATING
IN A STATEWIDE
STUDENT ART CONTEST.
- THAT'S WHY
WE'VE CHOSEN ART CLASS
AS THE PLACE TO ANNOUNCE IT.
- THE THEME OF THE CONTEST
IS STUDENT LIFE AT THE DAWN
OF THE MILLENNIUM.
- WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE
A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT
IN TODAY'S FAST CHANGING WORLD?
- ENTRY IS STRICTLY VOLUNTARY,
OF COURSE.
ALTHOUGH, FRANKLY, I DON'T SEE
HOW ANY OF YOU COULD THINK
OF PASSING UP THE CHANCE
TO BRING HONOR
UNTO YOURSELF
AND UNTO LAWNDALE HIGH.
- UNTO?
- BUCKLE MY SHOE.
- MISS DEFOE
WILL CHOOSE THE ENTRIES
FROM EACH ART CLASS,
AND I'M CONTEST COORDINATOR
FOR THE SCHOOL.
GOOD LUCK, KIDS.
- STUDENTS, I URGE YOU
TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY.
CURIOSITY, INQUIRY, EXPRESSION:
THESE ARE THE BUILDING BLOCKS
OF EDUCATION.
- MA'AM?
- NO QUESTIONS.
GOOD LUCK, ALL.
- I WANTED TO TELL HER I'VE GOT
A GREAT IDEA FOR A POSTER.
- ME TOO.
MINE'S GONNA BE
ABOUT CHEERLEADING.
- OH, NO.
NOW WHAT'LL I DO?
- HOW ABOUT SOMETHING
ON QUARTERBACKS, BABE?
HEY.
- JANE, COULD YOU STAY
A MINUTE?
JANE, I'M EAGER TO SEE WHAT
ALL THE STUDENTS COME UP WITH
FOR THIS CONTEST.
- ALL THE STUDENTS
WHO CHOOSE TO PARTICIPATE.
- BUT I REALLY CAN'T WAIT
TO SEE YOUR ENTRY.
- WELL, YOU KNOW, I DON'T
REALLY THINK ARTISTS
SHOULD COMPETE WITH EACH OTHER.
SEE, I BELIEVE
IN A COMMUNITY OF CREATIVITY.
- YOU'RE SUCH
AN ACCOMPLISHED ARTIST
AND SUCH AN ORIGINAL THINKER.
IF THERE'S ANYONE
IN THIS SCHOOL
WHO CAN CAPTURE
STUDENT LIFE TODAY, IT'S YOU.
I JUST WANT TO SAY GOOD LUCK.
- THANKS.
DAMN IT.
WHY DID SHE HAVE TO BE SO NICE?
NOW I HAVE TO COME UP
WITH SOME STUPID POSTER
ABOUT STUDENT LIFE.
- WHERE TO START?
THERE'S SO MUCH
TO HATE ABOUT IT.
- YOU KNOW, NOBODY SAID
THE MESSAGE HAD TO BE POSITIVE.
I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING THAT
REALLY REPRESENTS STUDENT LIFE.
- YES.
- THAT TELLS THE TRUTH
ABOUT HOW MUCH IT CAN SUCK.
- YES.
- THAT BLOWS AWAY
THE STORYBOOK FANTASY
ABOUT HOW GREAT IT IS
TO BE YOUNG.
- YES.
- AND YOU'RE GONNA HELP.
- NO.
- NEONATAL SKINHEADS NEXT
ON SICK, SAD WORLD.
- YOU GOT TO HELP ME.
YOU'RE THE MOST NEGATIVE PERSON
I KNOW.
- THANKS.
- COME ON.
NOW'S YOUR CHANCE
TO TELL THE WORLD
WHAT YOU REALLY THINK
OF LIFE AT LAWNDALE HIGH.
- TELL THE WORLD THAT I,
DARIA MORGENDORFFER,
HAVE SOMETHING I WANT TO SAY.
- YES.
- NO.
- COME ON.
- ALL RIGHT, I'LL MAKE
MY PERSONAL STATEMENT,
AND I'LL
STAND BEHIND IT.
- I KNEW YOU WOULD.
- BUT ONLY ON THE CONDITION
OF STRICT ANONYMITY.
- YOU'RE A REAL JOAN OF ARC,
YOU KNOW THAT?
- YEAH, AND I THINK
I JUST ORDERED A STAKE.
- HOW ABOUT WE CALL IT
AMERICA'S FUTURE LEADERS
AND WE JUST ENLARGE
A PICTURE OF KEVIN AND BRITTANY?
- COME ON,
THAT'S TOO DEPRESSING.
HOW ABOUT WE CALL IT
BEAUTY IS ONLY SKIN DEEP
AND WE ATTACH
THE SKIN OF AN ACTUAL STUDENT?
- OH, I LIKE THAT.
I WONDER IF I COULD TALK QUINN
INTO DONATING HERS.
- I'M STARTING TO THINK THIS IS
GONNA REQUIRE MORE PIZZA.
- I'M STARTING
TO AGREE WITH YOU.
- WHERE WERE WE?
- WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HANGING
A ROLL OF FLYPAPER
AND CALLING IT IT'S IMPORTANT
TO BE ATTRACTIVE.
- OH, YEAH.
WITH OR WITHOUT FLIES?
- DID THEY ADD ANOTHER QUART
OF GREASE TO THE PIZZA RECIPE?
- ONE MORE SLICE?
- NO, I ALREADY FEEL LIKE
I MIGHT THROW UP.
HEY.
[bell rings]
- WELL, IT'S VERY GRATIFYING
TO SEE SO MUCH PARTICIPATION
IN THE CONTEST.
CHARLES, WHAT'S THE NAME
OF YOUR POSTER?
- I CALL IT
RIDE, CHUCKIE, RIDE.
- AND WHAT EXACTLY DOES IT SAY
ABOUT STUDENT LIFE
AT THE CENTURY'S EDGE?
- IT'S MORE OF
A PERSONAL MISSION STATEMENT.
- MISSION IMPOSSIBLE, HE MEANS.
- TELL US ABOUT YOUR POSTER,
BRITTANY.
- I CALL IT
DON'T DRINK OR TAKE DRUGS,
AND THE MESSAGE IS,
DON'T DRINK OR TAKE DRUGS.
- BUT HOW DO WE
GET THAT MESSAGE?
ALL I SEE ARE
THE ALCOHOL AND THE DRUGS
WITH NO NEGATIVE IMAGERY
TO SYMBOLIZE THEIR DANGERS.
- THERE.
- WELL, BRITTANY, THAT'S UM...
LET'S TALK AFTER CLASS.
AND JANE, WHAT DID YOU DECIDE?
OH, SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.
"SHE KNOWS SHE'S A WINNER.
"SHE COULDN'T BE THINNER.
"NOW SHE GOES IN THE BATHROOM
AND VOMITS UP DINNER"?
OH, JANE.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S FUNNY.
- UM, YOU DON'T?
- DO YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY
TO MAKE FUN OF SOMEONE
WITH AN EATING DISORDER?
- NO, BUT...
- IT'S NOT MEANT TO BE FUNNY.
- IT'S NOT MEANT TO BE FUNNY.
- WELL, THEN,
DO YOU THINK IT'S YOUR PLACE
TO PASS JUDGMENT
ON SOMEONE WITH A LOW SELF-IMAGE
JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T
HAVE THAT PROBLEM YOURSELF?
- BUT THAT'S NOT
WHAT I'M SAYING AT ALL.
- THEN WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
- I'M SAYING
THAT PEOPLE SHOULDN'T, UH...
- SHE'S SAYING THAT ALL
THE EMPHASIS ON APPEARANCE TODAY
CAN BE DANGEROUS.
THE GIRL IS VERY PRETTY,
AND YOUR FIRST REACTION IS,
"OH, WHAT A HAPPY TEENAGER."
BUT MAYBE THAT'S NOT
THE WHOLE STORY.
MAYBE THAT PRETTINESS
COMES AT A PRICE.
- OH, IS THAT
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, JANE?
- PRETTY MUCH.
- AND YOU FELT YOU HAD TO SAY IT
IN SUCH GRAPHIC,
UNAPPEALING LANGUAGE?
- THE CHOICE OF WORDS
WAS DELIBERATE
TO CONTRAST
WITH THE BEAUTY OF THE IMAGE
AND SHOCK THE VIEWER
INTO PAYING ATTENTION.
- YOU KNOW WHAT, JANE?
THIS REALLY IS A WORK OF ART,
AND IT REALLY DOES MAKE
A STATEMENT IN AN ORIGINAL WAY.
I'D LIKE YOU TO LET ME ENTER IT
IN THE STATEWIDE COMPETITION.
- SOUNDS OKAY.
- AND HOW DOES IT SOUND
TO YOUR COLLABORATOR?
- NEXT TIME, I GIVE YOU
A PREPARED STATEMENT.
- DARIA, JANE,
THIS POSTER IS BEAUTIFUL.
- TRULY ACCOMPLISHED.
A REAL CREDIT TO YOURSELVES
AND TO LAWNDALE HIGH.
- AND THE POEM,
A VERY INTERESTING PERSPECTIVE.
EXCEPT...
- YES?
- THERE'S THIS ONE LINE.
EWW.
- YES?
- I'M JUST WONDERING
IF YOU'D CONSIDER
CHANGING THE PART
ABOUT VOMITING UP DINNER.
IT'S JUST KIND OF YUCKY.
- IT PRESENTS A DISTASTEFUL
PICTURE TO THE STUDENT BODY.
YOU KNOW WE WOULDN'T WANT
PEOPLE DOING THAT.
- THAT'S THE POINT.
- SO WE'RE ALL ON THE SAME PAGE.
- THE GIRL IS SO OBSESSED
WITH BEING BEAUTIFUL
THAT IT TURNS HER
INTO SOMETHING REALLY UGLY.
THAT'S THE MESSAGE
OF THE POSTER.
SO IT TAKES ME A WHILE.
- BUT SHE LOOKS
SO PRETTY AND HAPPY.
WHY NOT MAKE THE THEME POSITIVE?
INSTEAD OF
"SHE VOMITS UP DINNER,"
HOW ABOUT "SHE BARELY
TOUCHES DINNER"?
- YOU MEAN BEING THAT
GORGEOUS IS SO TIRING
THAT SHE'S
TOO EXHAUSTED TO EAT?
- EXACTLY.
SEE, EVEN BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE
HAVE PROBLEMS,
SO HANG IN THERE, KIDS.
- BOY, YOU REALLY
DON'T GET IT AT ALL, DO YOU?
- LOOK, I DIDN'T EVEN WANT
TO WRITE THE STUPID POEM.
I DON'T REALLY CARE
WHAT PEOPLE DO TO THEMSELVES.
BUT IF YOU CHANGE THAT LINE,
THE POEM BECOMES JUST ANOTHER
PHONY, DISHONEST MESSAGE.
IT'LL APPLAUD THE SAME THING
IT CRITICIZED BEFORE.
DON'T YOU SEE THAT?
- MISS MORGENDORFFER,
IS IT SO WRONG
FOR YOUNG PEOPLE TO TAKE PRIDE
IN THE WAY THEY LOOK?
- DO WHATEVER YOU WANT
TO THE POSTER.
JUST TAKE MY NAME OFF IT.
- AND MINE.
- NOW, NOW, LADIES,
EMOTIONS ARE RUNNING HIGH.
LET'S ALL TAKE 24 HOURS
TO THINK ABOUT IT, HMM?
- FINE.
- IT'S YOUR DECISION TO MAKE.
CALL THEIR PARENTS.
- "JANE LANE.
MRS. AMANDA LANE."
HELLO, MRS. LANE.
[electronic beeps]
[telephone ringing]
- ♪ NO NO ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T GET IN ♪
♪ NO, NO, NO ♪
♪ NO, YOU CAN'T GET IN ♪
[hard rock music]
[telephone ringing]
- UM, OKAY.
"HELEN MORGENDORFFER."
HELLO, MRS. MORGENDORFFER.
[electronic beeps]
[telephone ringing]
- I'VE GOT ABSOLUTELY
NO PAPERWORK FOR MY 3:00,
I CAN'T FIND THE BRIEF I WAS
SUPPOSED TO GET THIS A.M.,
AND MY STATIONERY STILL
HAS THE WRONG EMAIL ADDRESS.
WHY THE HELL CAN'T ANYTHING
EVER GO RIGHT AROUND HERE?
- HELEN,
IT'S YOUR DAUGHTER'S TEACHER.
- TELL THEM I'LL MAKE SURE
QUINN TURNS IN THE ASSIGNMENT
BY MONDAY.
OH, AND TRY TO FIND OUT
WHAT THE ASSIGNMENT IS, OKAY?
AND MAYBE YOU COULD GET STARTED
MAKING A FEW NOTES ON IT.
- IT'S YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER,
I THINK.
- DARIA?
WELL, THEN, TELL THEM I'LL
TALK TO HER ABOUT HER ATTITUDE.
AND TRY TO FIND OUT WHO SHE
INSULTED AND WHAT SHE SAID, HMM?
- GET SOME INFORMATION.
HE SAYS SHE HAS
A RARE OPPORTUNITY
THAT HE'D HATE
TO SEE HER SQUANDER.
- OH, JUST GIVE IT TO ME.
HELEN MORGENDORFFER.
- HELLO, MRS. MOGGENFOFFER...
OH, UM, MORGENDORFFER.
THIS IS TIMOTHY O'NEILL
AT LAWNDALE HIGH.
I'M YOUR DAUGHTER DARIA'S
ENGLISH TEACHER.
- YES, IS THIS ABOUT HER ESSAY
ON BANNING CAPITAL PUNISHMENT
AND BRINGING BACK TORTURE
INSTEAD?
BECAUSE IT WAS OBVIOUSLY A JOKE.
- UM, NO, NO,
MRS. MORGENDORFFER.
IT'S ABOUT A POSTER
SHE HELPED CREATE.
SEE, WE'RE HAVING THIS CONTEST
CONCERNING STUDENT LIFE
AT THE DAWN OF THE MILLENNIUM.
- COULD YOU POSSIBLY
SPEED THIS UP A LITTLE?
I'M LATE
FOR TWO CONFERENCE CALLS.
- UM, SHE WROTE
A VERY UNPLEASANT POEM
TO GO WITH A VERY NICE PICTURE,
AND I WAS HOPING
YOU'D TALK TO HER
ABOUT MAYBE RECONSIDERING
AND REWRITING IT.
- FINE, I'LL BE HAPPY TO.
IF THIS REQUIRES
FURTHER DISCUSSION,
PLEASE FEEL FREE
TO CALL MY HUSBAND.
- AH!
"JAKE, JAKE MORGENDORFFER."
HELLO, MR. MORGENDORFFER.
[electronic beeps]
[telephone rings]
- HELLO, JAKE MORGENDORFFER.
JAKE MORGENDORFFER HERE.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
ANYBODY THERE?
- AH!
- HELLO?
YOU'VE REACHED THE OFFICES
OF JAKE MORGENDORFFER
CONSULTING.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO YOU NEED
TO BE CONSULTED?
- MORE PENNE A LA PESTO,
ANYONE?
- ALL RIGHT, YOUR FRIEND JANE
ASKED YOU TO HELP HER
MAKE A POSTER.
- IF I EVER FIND OUT WHO THE
SADIST WAS WHO CALLED ME TODAY...
- YOU CAME UP WITH THE IDEA
OF A PRETTY GIRL
WITH AN EATING DISORDER.
- YEP.
- DARIA, THAT IS SO... SO YOU.
- IS THAT A COMPLIMENT
OR AN INSULT?
- YOU KNOW,
YOU REFRIGERATE THIS STUFF,
THE PESTO STARTS
TO GET A LITTLE FUNKY.
IT OXIDIZES OR SOMETHING.
IT'S BEST TO EAT
IN THE DAY IT'S MADE.
NOW, WHO'D LIKE A LITTLE MORE?
- JAKE, WILL YOU PUT DOWN
THE DAMN MACARONI
AND ASK YOUR DAUGHTER
WHY SHE HAS TO BE SO CYNICAL
ALL THE TIME?
- IT'S NOT MACARONI, HELEN.
- SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE MAKING
A POSTER ABOUT STUDENT LIFE,
AND SHE COMES UP
WITH THE MOST NEGATIVE MESSAGE
SHE CAN THINK OF.
- IT'S NOT NEGATIVE.
IT'S SUPPORTIVE OF STUDENTS
WHO DON'T WANT TO BE JUDGED
BY THEIR LOOKS.
- OH, COME ON, DARIA,
PEOPLE LIKE THAT DON'T EXIST.
- JAKE, ASK HER WHY SHE CAN'T
BE UPBEAT ONCE IN A WHILE.
- YOU SEE, HELEN,
IF THIS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE
MACARONI AND CHEESE,
IT WOULD BE VERY BAD.
BUT IT'S PENNE A LA PESTO,
AND JUDGED BY THE STANDARDS
OF PENNE A LA PESTO,
IT'S VERY GOOD.
- JAKE, WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
ARE YOU LISTENING?
- OF COURSE, SURE.
WHAT I MEAN IS, WELL,
IF THIS POSTER
IS SUPPOSED TO BE PROPAGANDA
PROMOTING STUDENT LIFE,
IT'S VERY BAD.
BUT IF IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ART
EXPRESSING DARIA'S PERSONAL
VISION OF STUDENT LIFE,
IT'S VERY GOOD, SEE?
- THANKS, DAD.
- UGH!
- IT'S OXIDIZING.
- SO THEN, SPLAT.
DINNER ENDS UP ON TOP
OF MY DAD'S HEAD.
- WOW, EXCELLENT.
YOUR YOUTHFUL INTEGRITY IS
TEARING YOUR FAMILY ASUNDER.
- WELL, NOT EXACTLY.
MY MOTHER CAME BACK IN,
MUMBLED SOMETHING ABOUT PMS,
AND APOLOGIZED.
BUT AT LEAST WE DON'T HAVE TO
EAT LEFTOVER MACARONI TONIGHT.
- WE'RE STILL RESIGNING
FROM THE POSTER CONTEST, RIGHT?
DARIA?
- I TOLD THEM
I'D AT LEAST LISTEN
TO MR. O'NEILL'S POINT OF VIEW,
BUT I DIDN'T MAKE ANY PROMISES...
I MEAN, OTHER THAN THAT ONE.
- SO YOU SEE, GIRLS,
I DON'T WANT
TO CHANGE THE INTENT
OF YOUR POSTER.
I JUST WANT TO MAKE IT
MORE PALATABLE.
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY:
A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR
HELPS THE MEDICINE GO DOWN.
- NOT IF YOU'RE DIABETIC.
- EXCUSE ME, MR. O'NEILL?
- UM, YES?
- I WANT TO ENTER
MY NEW POSTER IN THE CONTEST.
- UM, THAT'S REALLY NICE.
WHAT AN AFFIRMATIVE MESSAGE.
TOGETHERNESS?
- UM, THE MESSAGE IS,
"DON'T JOIN A GANG."
- OH.
- THAT'S ALSO THE TITLE.
- UM, BRITTANY, I SEE THE GANG,
BUT I DON'T SEE ANYTHING
REPRESENTING "DON'T."
- OH, YEAH.
WHERE'S MY LIPSTICK?
- AND THAT'S HOW GOOD ART
BECOMES GREAT ART.
- ANYWAY, I HAD AN IDEA.
HOW ABOUT IF YOU LET ME WORK
ON THE POEM A BIT?
MAYBE I CAN COME UP WITH
SOMETHING A LITTLE LESS ABRASIVE
THAT GETS YOUR POINT ACROSS.
- AND IF WE DON'T LIKE
WHAT YOU DO?
- THEN WE'LL FORGET ABOUT IT
AND LEAVE THE POSTER
THE WAY YOU MADE IT.
YOU CAN'T LOSE.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
- OKAY.
BUT QUOTE MARY POPPINS AGAIN,
AND THE DEAL'S OFF.
- MISS LANE,
MISS MORGENDORFFER,
I BELIEVE YOU'RE
GOING TO BE PLEASED
WITH WHAT MR. O'NEILL
HAS TO SHOW YOU.
- DARIA, JANE, I REALLY THINK
I'VE DONE IT.
I'VE CAPTURED
THE ESSENCE OF YOUR MESSAGE
WHILE SOFTENING
THE "ROUGH EDGES."
- YOU STONEWASHED IT?
"SHE KNOWS SHE'S A WINNER.
"SHE COULDN'T BE THINNER,
"'CAUSE SHE'S CAREFUL
WHAT SHE EATS
"FOR BREAKFAST, LUNCH,
AND DINNER.
GOOD NUTRITION RULES"?
IS THIS A JOKE?
- SMART EATING HABITS
ARE NO JOKE, DARIA.
- WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO
WITH OUR POSTER?
- IT TURNS A NEGATIVE MESSAGE
INTO A POSITIVE ONE.
SHE'S NOT PRETTY BECAUSE
SHE STARVED HERSELF INTO IT.
SHE'S PRETTY BECAUSE
SHE TAKES CARE OF HERSELF.
IT'S EVEN MORE POWERFUL THAN
BEFORE, BECAUSE IT'S UPBEAT.
- I SEE.
SHE'S NOT GONNA THROW UP
ANYMORE, BUT I MIGHT.
- DON'T DO THAT.
IT'S DOWNBEAT.
- YOU YOUNG WOMEN SHOULD BE
THANKING MR. O'NEILL
FOR HIS HARD WORK PRESERVING
YOUR MESSAGE.
- HE DIDN'T PRESERVE IT.
HE PERVERTED IT.
- HE REMOVED
ALL THE SUBSTANCE AND IMPACT
AND TURNED IT
INTO MEANINGLESS DRIVEL.
- SO WE'D LIKE OUR POSTER BACK
NOW, PLEASE.
- MEANING WHAT?
- MEANING WE'RE WITHDRAWING IT
FROM THE CONTEST
ACCORDING TO OUR AGREEMENT.
- EXCUSE ME, GIRLS,
I DIDN'T MAKE ANY AGREEMENT.
- MR. O'NEILL DID.
- MR. O'NEILL IS IN NO POSITION
TO OFFER SUCH A DEAL.
THE POSTER WILL BE DISPLAYED
DURING THE SCHOOL BOARD MEETING
TOMORROW NIGHT.
THEN IT WILL BE ENTERED
IN THE CONTEST,
WHERE IT WILL BRING HONOR
AND ACCLAIM TO YOU TWO AND TO...
- BUT, MISS LI, I DID PROMISE.
- I DIDN'T.
- CAN SHE DO THAT?
- NO, THIS IS ALL
A TERRIBLE DREAM
BROUGHT ON BY TOO MUCH
PENNE A LA PESTO.
- BUT DON'T WE HAVE
ANY RECOURSE OR ANYTHING?
CAN'T WE TALK TO MR. O'NEILL?
- WE COULD APPEAL TO HIM,
AND HE MIGHT TURN THE FULL FORCE
OF HIS OVERWHELMING PERSONALITY
ON MISS LI,
AND THEN SHE'D EAT HIM.
- HOW ABOUT YOUR MOTHER?
- HOW ABOUT YOURS?
- MY MOTHER'S
A LITTLE PREOCCUPIED RIGHT NOW.
SHE'S TRACKING DOWN THE SOURCE
OF THE DISTURBING
HEAT VARIATIONS IN HER KILN.
BUT YOUR MOTHER IS A LAWYER.
- A LAWYER WHO THINKS
IT'S A REALLY GOOD IDEA
FOR ME TO GET INVOLVED
IN THE POSTER CONTEST.
THE SYSTEM'S FAILED US.
- THE SYSTEM SUCKS.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE
TO GO OUTSIDE THE SYSTEM.
- YOU DON'T MEAN...
- YES.
- YOU DID THE RIGHT THING
COMING TO ME.
- SORRY WE WOKE YOU UP.
- DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
IT WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN
SOONER OR LATER.
ALL RIGHT, HERE'S THE PLAN.
I'LL SIT RIGHT HERE WITH MY FOOT
ON THE ACCELERATOR,
READY TO BURN RUBBER.
- TRENT, PULL OVER THERE
AND MAKE SURE
YOU TURN OFF THE CAR
IN CASE YOU FALL ASLEEP,
OKAY?
- ALTERNATE PLAN.
COOL.
- ALL CLEAR?
- JUST ABOUT.
- WAIT.
- WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
- OBSERVING.
- INNOCENTLY.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT MISS LI
DID TO YOUR POSTER.
WAIT A MINUTE,
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS PLANNING?
- GET LOST, LANDON.
- FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
- YOU GOT A BRIGHT FUTURE, KID.
- YOU DON'T WANT TO BE HERE
WHEN WHAT'S GONNA GO DOWN
GOES DOWN.
- LET'S DO IT.
[tires squealing]
- WHAT THE HELL?
- OH, NO.
- DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU WERE
GOING TO GET AWAY WITH THIS?
- WELL, IT WOULD BE STUPID
TO SAY "YES" NOW.
- THIS IS NO JOKE.
VANDALIZING SCHOOL PROPERTY
IS A PUNISHABLE OFFENSE,
AND THE FIRST THING
WE'RE GOING TO DO
IS CALL YOUR PARENTS.
[steady hip-hop beat]
[telephone ringing]
[upbeat rock music]
[telephone ringing]
- OH, BOTHER.
[electronic beeps]
- WHO'S BUTT DO I HAVE
TO KISS AROUND HERE
TO GET MY INTEROFFICE MAIL
BEFORE NIGHTFALL?
- HELEN, IT'S YOUR DAUGHTER'S
SCHOOL, THE PRINCIPAL.
- THE PRINCIPAL?
HELLO?
- HELLO, MRS. MORGENDORFFER.
THIS IS ANGELA LI,
PRINCIPAL OF LAWNDALE HIGH.
- YES, MISS LI.
HOW MAY I HELP YOU?
- MRS. MORGENDORFFER,
I'M AFRAID I HAVE
SOME RATHER BAD NEWS.
YOUR DAUGHTER DARIA APPEARS
TO HAVE BEEN INVOLVED
IN AN ACT OF VANDALISM.
- WHAT?
- MRS. MORGENDORFFER,
YOUR DAUGHTER COLLABORATED
WITH JANE LANE
IN THE CREATION OF A POSTER
FOR OUR ART CONTEST.
- YES, I'M AWARE OF THAT.
- WE FOUND PART
OF THE POSTER UNACCEPTABLE,
SO IT WAS ALTERED PRIOR
TO ITS ENTRY.
UNFORTUNATELY,
SOMEONE DEFACED THE POSTER
WHILE IT WAS ON DISPLAY,
AND SINCE YOUR DAUGHTER
AND MISS LANE
HAD OBJECTED TO CHANGING IT,
I MUST ASSUME
THEY WERE THE VANDALS.
I AM AFRAID I AM GOING TO HAVE
TO TAKE DRASTIC ACTION.
- WAIT A MOMENT.
YOU'RE SAYING THE GIRLS WERE
AGAINST CHANGING THE POSTER
BUT ENTERED IT
IN THE CONTEST ANYWAY?
- IT WAS ENTERED FOR THEM.
- I'M UNDER THE IMPRESSION
THAT PARTICIPATION
IN THIS CONTEST WAS VOLUNTARY.
- IT WAS, BUT YOUR DAUGHTER
REFUSED TO VOLUNTEER,
SO IN HER CASE,
I MADE IT MANDATORY.
- ALL RIGHT, MISS LI, LET ME
MAKE SURE I HAVE THIS STRAIGHT.
YOU TOOK MY DAUGHTER'S POSTER
FROM HER,
ALTERED ITS CONTENT,
EXHIBITED IT AGAINST HER WILL,
AND ARE NOW THREATENING
DISCIPLINE
BECAUSE YOU CLAIM SHE
DEFACED HER OWN PROPERTY,
WHICH YOU ADMIT TO STEALING?
- THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID AT ALL.
- MISS LI, ARE YOU FAMILIAR
WITH THE PHRASE
"VIOLATION OF CIVIL LIBERTIES"?
- I...
- AND THE PHRASE
"BIG, FAT LAWSUIT"?
- SO THE ONLY WAY FOR US
TO SAVE OUR WORK
WAS TO DESTROY IT.
- CATCHY PHRASE.
- AND WE GOT AWAY WITH IT.
YOU SHOULD TURN THIS
INTO A SHORT STORY.
- THAT'S NOT A BAD IDEA,
AND I THINK I ALREADY
HAVE A TITLE FOR IT.
- YEAH?
- I'M GONNA CALL IT
STUDENT LIFE AT THE DAWN
OF A NEW MILLENNIUM.
- I WON!
I WON THE ART CONTEST!
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
[rock music]
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪